For the last couple of months I've stopped all contact with my father and mother in law. We did live together for a short time and I was very close to both of them as was my kids.
One day out of the blue my father texts me that we have one month to find a new place. I was flabbergasted I thought things were going well. We payed the rent that was asked of us and always made dinners for the whole house and made sure the kitchen was stocked.
The only reason I could think he would do that is because I had told him to stop taking my car for longer then he said he would. I was ok with him using it but he always kept it longer then was discussed. Then a few time I noticed it smelt weird after he used it. I was worried it was drugs so told him he could no longer use my car.
After telling me we had to leave we immediately started packing. Before we could get everything packed he started threatening to throw my kids who are 4 and 1 year olds out on the street along with me and my husband.
Flash forward we ended up getting our own place within 2 weeks of being told to leave. I was pretty emotional about how things transpired and needed some time to cool down. Well my dad continuously texted me harassing me and say awful thing. It cut deep cause I have always been super close to him.
I am at the point where I just want to cut ties and move on but Iām receiving a lot of pressure from my siblings and other family members to ājust forgive himā āhe is your fatherā itās starting to cause issues with the whole family.
My brother just had a wedding and my father tried to buck on my husband during it. Iām just at a loss and could use some insight and advice
Cut the ties. Forget what family say, all the time this is so fresh your in no position to forgive him. He needs to redeem himself before you guys even cross that bridge. I hate how people think that because itās family itās ok to be treated like that. You wouldnāt let a friend treat you like that so donāt stand for it from your family either. Blood or not itās doesnāt give anyone the excuse to act like a shitty person and expect to get away with it. Respect is earned not demanded. Xx
He sounds like an absolute nightmare.
As soon as he wasnāt benefiting from using your car he kicked you and your children to the curb!
Go with your gut and cut contact, donāt let other family members guilt you into being ok with this treatment! Because I promise you, they would be singing a different tune if it was them being treated this way!
I would be asking him face to face what his problem is. Leave your kids at home and your husband if you think it will get physical. Maybe ask that your siblings are with you. But he needs to be confronted on his actions.
Blood makes you related it doesnāt make you family. You have no obligation to appease other people who do not treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You mentioned drugs. Personalities change once drugs are consuming a personās life. I would be cordial from a distance. Whatever is going on will show itās true ugly face in time. Especially if itās drugs
Your father should apologize to you. You donāt need to make amends to him. It is okay to set boundaries and if he cannot respect them then there will be no contact. Tell him you expect to be treated at all times with dignity and respect and if he cannot listen to that then the consequences are you not being around him
I cut my own parents and sister out, Iām living the good life now with no pressure or worry to constantly feel like I have to prove myself to them! Lifeās greatā¦ plus, what man kicks his daughter and grandchildren out?
My daughter decided she no longer wanted anything to do with my parents when she was 8. She got tired of watching my dad get drunk my mom screaming and both of them whipping stuff at each other shattering into the wall. She is terrified of them. I watched all of this growing up so it was easy to walk away. My child will not think that is normal way to live
I donāt speak to to my mother and havenāt done so for jerky 10 years. She is toxic nasty and no good for me or my children. So whatās best for your mental health (and that of your kids).
I moved south 8.5 hours to be away from my entire family. Iām outta sight and outta mind, if nobody reaches out then so be it. I have few people I still talk to on a regular basis but the problem ones tend leave you alone once your outta sight/mind.
Yup the line was crossed when I was at the beach and my boyfriends mom come over to my home and started cleaning and was not asked to by me or given my permission and I overheard her talking s*** about me over my camera system and plus she always treats my 2nd child like the golden grandchild so yea.
I cut a family member out of our lives. Sheās just a narcissistic person. From the moment she found out I was pregnant she tried to force me to let her in the delivery room, tried to force me to change the babyās name (because apparently we already have a Jessica Jean in the family. Iāve never met that person) she tried to say she would drive to my house and stay the week at my house. The last straw for me was at my baby shower she said she was only there for the food. It hurt my feelings. Sheās text me three times in the year my daughter has been born. Cutting her out was honestly the best thing Iāve done
Absolutely not. Toxic is toxic weather blood family or not. This is what I just go by, once my peace is disrupted you have to go. Cut ties and live your life. I promise you will be much happier without all the drama and mess.
toxic is toxic whether itās friends, partner or family! Just bc itās family doesnāt mean you have to tolerate it. You do what is best for YOU, donāt worry about what other ppl think or say. They arenāt the ones being treated badly or the ones having to live w/ the effects of the negativity! YOUR LIFE.YOUR DECISION.
I cut my mom out of my life at 16 and sheās never met either of my kids. I have a 2 year old and almost 8 month old she never has and never will lay eyes on
I have cut a few people out of our life. All family. Different reasons but the final straw was realizing that certain family members were picking and choosing what side they wanted to be on and finding out that they will be nice to your face but talk bad about you behind your back. Only really using you for money. You have to make a choice at some point whatās best for your mental health. I honestly can say since Iāve cut some people out Iām better with my mental health. By keeping them in your life youāre letting that negativity affect you. Just remember toxic is toxic no matter who it is.
I would definitely confront him to see what his problem is. Take someone you can trust as a witness. Itās sad that a dad could throw his child and grandchildren out on the curb!! I wish you all the best
I wouldnāt forgive him. How does a grown man think itās okay to act so childish just because you donāt want him using your car anymore? And Was so willing to throw out his grandchildren? Thatās just weird and nobody should be telling you to forgive him. If it were them would they forgive him? I just donāt get it. I cut all ties with my mom not only was she toxic but she tried to take my oldest son from me, always making me believe I was a horrible mother. When in reality it was her that was the horrible mother. She had my son for a few months and wouldnāt take care of him . She wouldnāt make him go to school, bathe or brush his teeth. My sons hair was always a mess and come to find out he always had lice. She was always going to Mexico everyday and would drag my son along with her basically using him so she wouldnāt feel alone. She constantly threatened to call the cops on me every time I would go and try to take him she would hit me and call me all kinds of names and I always kept my cool never once hit her back but would leave because I had a warrant from a dui I had gotten years prior and I was afraid that if i stayed and the cops would come that they would take me to jail and I would get my other 2 kids taken from me too and guess where they wouldāve been placed if they did? With her filthy ass. Thank goodness I grew some balls and took my son away from her and cut all ties with that woman. Just because they are our āfamilyā doesnāt mean we have to put up with their abuse.
How can you forgive him if heās still being ugly to you and your husband? From what you have said, drugs are possible. Iād just keep my distance and not go at him when he stirs the pot.
Something flipped in him and I would ask what has happened to yal. He had a reason for turning on you! I donāt know if you would ever get the truth but heās the one who needs to ask for forgiveness not you.
My father kicked my young kids myself and their dad out. I moved to help him and he even had my bank card forever. He left us to take care of his dying mother to be with someone else other than my own mother who was ill as well. Once my grandma passed we all wanted to move out of her house but he talked us into staying and paying rent. But complained the whole time and never helped fix anything in the house so we fixed what we could I thought things were still ok with us and out of the blue he have us an eviction notice. The kids dad lost his job the next day and my dad didnāt care. Luckily I had a friend from out of state help us move 800 miles away. But I cut off ties too because who throws their grandkids out on the street. Find out later his brother and him wanted to sell the house. Why not just tells us instead of doing what he did.
My mother and I were always very close growing up. Then she started doing heavy drugs when I was a teen. I tried to help her well into my latest 20ās and finally had enough when I brought her around my stepchildren. Its one thing for us to deal with our unstable family but its not okay for our children to have to e around that kind of situation. CUT THOSE TIES.
I think you and your father need to sit down and have a chat. You said youāve always had a close relationship with him so something could be bothering him that is causing him to lash out they way he is. Iām not justifying the way he is treating you but I think you need to try every avenue to patch things up before just cutting him out.
By the time I was 29 I had lost both parentsā¦if the two of you can fix this you need to try. If youāve tried everything and canāt get through to him then take a step back. At least then you can say you really tried.
It definitely sounds like he has something personal going on in his life. But that does not mean he can treat you like that.
Just because heās your dad does not mean you canāt set boundaries even if that means getting him out of you and your families lives.
Maybe try to talk to him about it but then again it sounds like heās just going to yell and the conversation isnāt going to go anywhere. So maybe just say āIām sorry you are having a rough time right now, but I donāt deserve to be treated this way. When you are ready to talk and actually have the conversation go somewhere then Iāll be there but until then I canāt let you be apart of mine or my familyās life.ā
Iām so sorry you are going through this. I know what itās like to get rid of toxic parents.
I have no contact with toxic family members and after an adjustment period feel so much better without them in my life or childrenās lives. Your spouse and children are now #1 in your life and no one else matters.
I believe toxic is toxic, blood or not. I had to cut my mother off for quite a few years due to drugs and narcissistic behavior. It really took a toll on my family, but overall most everyone understood that I had to do what was best for my childās well-being (and my own mental health).
A little over a year ago, my little brother passed away, and my mom got cleanā¦ we are slowly getting our relationship back. If youāre a praying person, never stop praying for them and your relationship, but never stop doing whatās best for yourself in the meantime.
I cut my sister off. Her and I have always had a very messy relationship. Once I had my son she took a huge interest in him which I was fine with. All the way up until she started convincing people that I didnāt know that I was a horrible mother, that my mother was abusive to my grandmother, and so much more. She is lightly famous in my area, so this was difficult. Iād have people I literally didnāt know tell me in public to stop abusing my 2 year old. I am NOT an abusive parent. Period. I love my children and take good care of them! It was horrible. And all this started because I told her that Iād she couldnt respect me and be kind to me I didnāt want her around me or my son. At my wedding she hit the roof and made an ass out of herself, was screaming and crying and throwing a temper tantrum and swearing at a paid photographer because the photographer nicely asked her to move out of the way for a photo of just me and my mom. It just kept escalating and I nearly had to throw her out entirely. After that she made my life hell and tried to tell me I owed her $500 for doing my nails before my wedding, which before hand she told me were her gift. Then she decided I was a b*tch and didnāt deserve a gift and expected to be compensated. Finally I just cut her off. Blocked her on everything and told my family she wasnāt to be around my son. It took nearly a year of back and forth and a restraining order to get it to sink in. Im done FOR LIFE. My daughter is a year old now, and the restraining order cleared when my daughter was about 2 months old. Havenāt seen her the entire time, and sheās never met my daughter. My sister has always caused issues, and the last year has been the most peaceful, least stressful year Iāve ever had. So good riddance. Iām done for life. Sometimes you have to cut off the dead parts of a plant to help it grow
I would give him one chance to explain his decision. If itās not reasonable to you the cut those ties. Family comes in many shapes and sizes and not necessarily by blood. Do what is best for your family (kids, husband)
I dont speak to my father or really any of his side of the family. He is a liar a thief and abusive and much more but they defend him at every turnš¤·āāļø I havenāt spoken to them in 5+ years and he has never met my kids. I have gotten the āwell hes your dadā a million times and anyone who says it i cut them off too
Iāve cut ties with my remaining family because of many toxic nasty things and I donāt regret that decision, my life has been happier since. Blood doesnāt mean you have to tolerate horrible events. Kicking you and your family out would be the last straw for me too. No respect or love there. Sorry
Iād definitely cut ties, blood or not. He sounds like an awful person I hope this all ends for you soon
I recently stopped speaking to my cousin who decided to tell me that my third babyās name was āHorribleā and that sheād āget bullied and skitted atā for having the name Evelyn. toxic people have a way of trying to make you miserable because they are, better off without them sweet
Yes family or not if they shit they shit my family trying to ruin my childrenās lives and turn them against me because theyāre s*** donāt feel bad or be hard on yourself if you keep certain people away at the end it will be the best blessing
Just because somebody is a family member does not mean they have the right to treat you like that. Cut all ties and live your life without being dragged down by them. So sorry youāre going through this
My ex mother-in-law lives next door to me and hasnāt asked about or seen my kids except once since December. I quit all communications this past month
I did after the majority of my family showed absolutely no interest. Hes 4, and my family has never been to any birthday parties, shit they donāt even ask about himā¦ so yeah, if theyāre not gonna make any effort to be in his life, then he doesnāt need them in it
Consider allowing him in your life until you figure out the exact reason that he has done this. Because he could no longer use your car and do you think that you made that decision rashly without any proof that he was doing drugs in your car? Sounds like you had a good relationship before and weāre close so Iām kind of wondering why you think he was transporting drugs in your car?
Yes, my father included. No one has the right to your peace regardless of title, blood, relation PERIOD. The expression but their family or thatās your āso and soā blah blah blah well then they should have known better more than anyone else. That is a toxic and unhealthy way of letting people make excuses to cross your boundaries.
I donāt let a single person cost me my peace PERIOD.
My family is so happy and healthy and we donāt have to stress around anyone or anywhere because we donāt let anything disturb us and itās a level of freedom that I wish everyone could experience. We donāt āput upā with anything. Hopefully that helps!
You absolutely need to cut ties and save all the harassment texts as proof to show your siblings if they keep getting on your case about it. It sounds like your dad may be doing something fishy maybe drugs or drinking it seems very strange for him to all of a sudden be this way after being so close your whole life. Iād talk to your step mom if you have a good relationship with her and havenāt asked her whatās going on yet. This kind of sudden change in behavior and getting so angry is usually either because the person has been bottling up their true feelings and opinions for a while or have started some bad habits or could possibly be health related so look into possibilities. But Iād absolutely leave. If you donāt cut ties it will just be an added stress to you and your marriage and your kids. If you donāt leave heāll never think what heās doing is wrong or ever think about what his behavior can cause him to lose. Like his family. Time to cut
The family you make is more important than the family you come from, donāt get me wrong they play a big part but there always comes a point where if you donāt need there need they goanna be cunts, i say CUT IT.
I cut my egg donor and my father out. My siblings only contact me when they need something. The straw that broke the camels back was , he looked at my newborn son (2020) and said " he is to dark to very husband" . Now he tried that with my brother and sister law with their last kid.
I cut my birth mother out. After I posted a picture of my sonogram announcing my 2nd was a girl no less she decided to go full blown toxic and say very fcked up things about me & my brother. She wished she had killed us when she had the chance among other hateful shit. I cut her off that day. We are friends on fb, so she can see her grand daughters grow, but we donāt talk much. It took me 5yrs to allow this. DO NOT allow other family to pressure you into SHT. ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Youāll be happier. Trust me
If this is a sudden personality change hes on drugs of some sort. May be prescription medication. Iād cut him off from contact with my kids when he showed he has no care for their wellbeing. Threatening to throw them out on the street is exactly that.
You can Forgive him but it doesnāt mean you have to keep putting yourself in a situation where heās going to beā¦ It seems he has a lot of growing up to do and just acting childish and jealous ā¦ Just ignore himā¦
SNIP! SNIP!! Cut those ties, family or not you and yours should not be expected to tolerate disrespect and toxic people!! That is teaching your children that they themselves should allow toxic people in their lives. Not worth it. Iāve cut plenty of people family and some who were like family out of mine and my kiddos life just for our peace.
Protect your family you created. You arenāt here to please them. If itās going to go this way let go. Itās going to bother you for a while but you will find peace
Lol. Yes. I cut my dad and my step mum off, and then realised the root of the problem was really my oldest sister. I cut her off after she abused my new partner, spat in my face, insulted me and called me a THEIF. I was helping her move into my home that was two hours away and we were picking up some boxes to start the process. She lost her shit because I had to be gone by three and I waited until 3.30 before I HAD to go and she wasnāt yet home. So yeah. Thereās more, but the point isā¦ if theyāre destroying your mental health, have tarnished your relationship, and no interaction with them is pleasant or makes you feel safe, there is nothing wrong with cutting off family to save your piece of mind. Toxic is toxic, blood or not.
It also sounds like your dad is on something with the way he flipped a switch and the funny smells youāve noticed in your car. Hope he finds help and I hope you manage to cope. You are not his punching bag and you donāt need to deal with his emotions. He needs to get help if thatās the case and he can only be helped if he wants it.
Be cordial. But you donāt need family. They can be just as toxic as strangers. Your siblings Can mind their own life and stay out of yours. I wouldnāt be surprised if your dad was on drugs or alcohol. But I guess age could equally make him unstable.
Anyone that takes away your peace in ur Life
cut it off u dont need negativity and confusion
in ur life ā¦
What u need is Love & Peace
U are an adult an u have ur own family which is ur kids an husband an thats all u need so just live ur own Life as u Pleaseā¤ ā¦
u dont need anyone else in ur life darling
You can block text messages from him and set him straight as to how he speaks to you.
Let no one speak to you wrong. You can say it in a respectful way.
Dad- I love you because you are my Dad. But I will not stand for how you speak to me. For my own mental health. You will be forced to block contact other than phone calls.
End it with I hope you can understand and that you love him.
Ex inlaws they know they are more than welcome to see their grandkids just cause we had to cut ties donāt mean they have to be cut to our children but it is all in who wants to be part of the kids life and willing to make an effort regardless of how the relationship between both ended it all come down to the kids.
I cut contact with my mum 8years ago for alot of reasons my son was 3 weeks old at the time heās now 8 and itās honestly the best decision I ever made having her drama and influence out of my life, my siblings still try convincing me but Iām content you owe your parents nothing.
We cut out my MIL and BIL, after they(along with his weeble wobble looking gf) all took part with my husbands ex in making a false CPS report on us. Which all came back unfounded and was closed out with in a week. We have not talked to them in almost five years. My husband nor myself do NOT play when it comes to our kids. They werenāt even informed on us moving , if they know what town we live in, it is only due to my FIL and his wife informing them.
YOU Have to do what is best for your IMMEDIATE FAMILY UNIT.
I have had to do the same with different āfriendsā and Family. Over time some of the Family and I, letās say, have come to terms. We will probably never be as we once were, but we have gotten were we can talk, somewhat, and show Concern for each other and our Familyās.
Toxic is toxic, no matter who it is! You can forgive him, but that still doesnāt mean he needs to be in your life. The family you come from is āimportantā but the one you create is always your priority. I personally would cut contact. Donāt hesitate to do what is best for your family. The sudden personality change would worry me that theres a drug issue of some sort going on.
Yes I was a victim of DV . My exās side of the family didnāt bother with my daughter from the age of 2 to present sheās 21. Then my side of the family was when my mother died. I went my way didnāt really associate myself with them for about 5 years. Age 6- 11. Now I do speak to my side of the family but I think it was more when my daughter was rushed to the hospital, and after several surgeries. Now Iām close with my brother.
Never commit to lose him forever. But do no make any contact until he contacts you in a cordial manner. He owes you the apology and you are not in the wrong and you have a family to raise.
Toxic is toxic hun. Iāve done it to grandparents and my mother at different points in my life. My grandparents it was over them trying to control me even thought I had my own house, truck, job, and went to school. I was 17 and they kept making threats to report me and yada yada yada. My mom it was drugs. She was pretty bad off after her boyfriend got killed in an accident at work. Iād wake up to my car and debit card being gone. I cut ties for awhile. Didnāt care what anybody said. My mental health was more important to me so if they couldnāt understand I needed a break and hounded me bout whoever I cut off at the time Iād cut them off to. Time goes by and people cool off. You get around to a polite talking point. When that came around we worked it out. With my mom it took her getting sober but she finally did it
Cut him off hardcore. Regardless if heās your āfatherā or not. Your siblings are enabling his behavior by telling you to forgive him. This is totally dysfunctional. I would tread carefully when speaking with your siblings as well if they think your fathers behavior is okay and for you to forgive him
Anyone that can treat you that way, especially without explanation, doesnāt belong in your life. If you continue to accept that behavior your children will learn itās ok to put up with bad behavior just because someone is family, which is not true.
Your husband and kids are your āimmediateā family now. Never feel guilty for
protecting them. Itās hard, family doesnāt understand, strangers will look down on you because of the damaging social norm of āfamily is everythingā
Itās not; sometimes itās toxic and damaging.
Free yourself! Block the number and donāt look back.
.
YOUR LIFE.YOUR DECISION.
I hope this all ends for you soon 
toxic people have a way of trying to make you miserable because they are, better off without them sweet 
