How long did your separation last? What steps did you take to ensure future relationship health?
My husband and I have had two separation periods in our almost 10 year marriage. One was because I was literally done. I was tired of feeling controlled while he cheated on me and tried shutting me off from the world and not feeling appreciated or listened to. The second one was because he had his 2nd affair in our marriage a year and a half later and I was absolutely done. I packed all my shit, moved in with my sister and left for a little over a month. During that separation, I began seeing someone else and my husband became “terrified” to lose me. So, I told him until he took the time out of his day to give a shit, I wasn’t concerned with what he had to say. He called me one day towards the end of that month period and bared his soul to me. We had a two hour phone conversation (which is the longest we’d ever spoke on the phone, even when dating) and we worked out our differences and I agreed to give him one last chance. That was 5 years ago and I’ve never been happier. We added in some individual and marriage counseling at the end of our month separation and it worked itself out.
Just remember if you’re separated you’re technically single. So you can both do what you please with who you please. Neither of you can get mad at the other for doing single activities while technically being single.
I tried. He cheated.
In todays day and age a break from your partner is just making it easier for both of you to get involved with other people you always end up getting divorced anyway
I did we separated for 6 months. We each were open and honest about how we felt and what was bothering us and we worked it out. We are way happier now and more so in love. This was 5 years ago
Most trial separations fail because people don’t set ground rules on what they expect to get out of it. Open communication is key.
I’d say if separation is being discussed, just divorce. Counseling and weekend vacays with friends SHOULD fix it. If not, split already.
I did… we separated for a total of 10 months…
We both went to individual counseling… we also did once a month marriage counseling! Spent alot of time working and building our selves!
Best decision we ever made! We have been back together for almost a year and we have never been better! Communication is KEY!!
Yes. We were separated for 6 months during which time we both attended individual counseling and marriage counseling. We learned communication techniques and addressed issues that had been negatively affecting our relationship. At the end of the 6 months we decided to reconcile. We’ve been together for another 4 years now, better than ever.
However BOTH parties must be committed to overcoming the issues that contributed to the relationship breaking down in the first place. If either party is not invested in rekindling the marriage it isn’t going to work.
U mean a free pass to cheat
We tried and it got worse. We both got used to being alone and doing our own thing. Months later we divorced.
I’m planning on separating from my kids dad for a year, I personally just think some time apart does wonders for some couples.
My thing is normalizing that some couples can be happy together, but not live in the same house🤷♀️
I was so happy with my kids dad before we lived together, but looking back I realized that even though we had been together for 3 years we only saw each other 2-3 times a week, and was mostly just call and text.
Living together was a WHOLE new ballgame, so we’re taking time apart to see if we belong together, or need to call it quits.
Which hurts because we love each other, but we’re to different.
So if you think that’s what you need as a couple go for it! What’s the harm.
It’s not always about cheating but growing. Two people who love each other fucking make it work for the better. So no it’s not always a cheat pass.
Ours was kind of forced since he’s military but we left to our next duty station sooner than him to have some time. It didn’t help. Therapy and learning to fall back into love with each other helped. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice.
I feel like it’s opening the door to cheating. Break up permanently or stay.
I say for it to work, you HAVE to both be willing to change. Unless the circumstances are severe and only one person is screwing up, you both will likely have to change. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be needing a separation. Also, counseling. And I do NOT mean with your pastor. I mean with a REAL therapist
Sounds like giving each other a “Hall pass” lol
My husband qnd I did just last year. I was just about to turn 15 and he was 17 when we got together. I got pregnant at 17. My Mom also passed away shortly before my 15th birthdqy and his parents live out of state. We missed out on those teenage years and early 20’s and there was alot of stress and what ifs even though we loved each other. We had 4 kids and 12 years together by this point. We split up in March of 2020 and both did our own thing and ended up back together in October of 2020 and we are better off now than we were before we split.
My sister sepetated for 6-7yrs.
They’re back together & doing good.
But, they also did therapy & spent time talking. Actually talking.
No relationship is perfect, anyone who tells you theirs is, is lying. Relationships are sometimes hard work, but the good ones are worth the investment. 25 years with my wife, and all of them were not easy. We saw that, realized what we had was so worth it and worked through the bumps in the road. Sometimes just us, sometimes with outside help. Separation was never an option unless it was for good. If we live long enough, I’m confident we’ve 25 more years together in us.
Yes. And stronger because of it
My husband and I had seperated for 9 months . We barely spoke to each other , we actually both dated other people . We were actually getting a divorce . But , before we done it , we decided to give it another shot . Our marriage is stronger than before . We’ve been back together for a year and 5 months . We both had a lot of growing up to do and a lot of things to change about ourselves .
Me and my partner seperated with the plan that we weren’t getting back together. We had been together for just under 4 years. Broke up at the end of January and decided to try again at the end of April, I just moved back in this month. It made both of us realize that we wanted to work on our stuff.
My husband was in denial about having a mental disorder and after five years of insane episodes, I asked him to leave for a month so I could get my wits about me and separate reality from his delusions. I told him if he didn’t want to be healthy for our family then we’d have to talk divorce. It took 3 out of 5 weeks for him to realize I was serious.
He ended up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder and finally being treated with medication, therapy, and behavior management classes. I went to therapy and learned to break my codependency and toxic defense mechanisms.
He’s coming home this week after we haven’t lived together in almost 5 months. It was honestly the best thing I could’ve done. I love him but I just couldn’t handle the emotional abuse and intimidation anymore.
It took a lot of trust and personal responsibility to get through the separation.
I tried it, got back together and it was worse. Depends on the situations, was it cheating? Lack of communication, lies? Addiction? To many different scenarios
8 months we separated & it was the best thing for us. Better than ever!!
Yes going thru this now with my husband! Honestly it was the best thing we did, we’re so much closer now and healthier relationship and everything
I did separate from my 1st husband which resulted in divorce. But I came here to suggest couples counseling. We didn’t give it a shot. I suggested it. But he didn’t want to do it because his logic was “It will just create more problems”. But I don’t agree especially as a psychology major. Couples counseling can be beneficial and help both of y’all work on issues individually and as a couple. I think that would be a good start in the direction you want to go.
I see a common theme here of going to counseling. If you separate but don’t work on the actual issues, nothing will change. Couples or individual counseling (or both) will help you to learn how to communicate about your needs and to be able to talk about your feelings without being defensive or blaming the other person.
You BOTH have to want it to work out! If only you or if only he is trying and dedicated to making it work, it will not work!!! You both have to desperately want to save your marriage! I was with my husband for 6 years and he did not want to put in any sort of effort. Watched me lay in bed and cry for an entire month. Has zero empathy. He’s right and always right even if he is 1000% wrong. Can’t make it work with someone who don’t care if it works out or not.
We separated and he was killed in a motorcycle accident. Not the happy ending you have been looking for but a very real situation.
That’s not what marriage is about. Marriage is sticking through it even when times are rough. If you decide to separate, chances are, you will not get back together again. If it’s something as stupid as not getting along, then work it out in other ways, counseling, etc. Marriage isn’t supposed to be all fun and games, which that would be amazing if it were, but there’s trial and error too. It’s time to fix it, or decide to dip out and never come back.
We seperated for 2.5 years and we are stronger than ever. Communication during seperation needs to be like super glue though
Go to counseling before separation
I never will, I never go backwards. If we both can’t get through anything together then there is no point in wasting time in this short life we have.
Why would you want to seperate? I mean the busyness of life seperates us enough in one day. That would only mean you’re not sure of the future n you being it with your partner …or something legal steps in to make you seperate then you won’t like the end of it.
We considered separating we were really hurt. We spoke to a lawyer and had a talk to her. It was a community trust lawyer who was really helpful. We decided to give us another try and it has worked. Marriage counsellors help. 32 years together
If therapy doesnt help, then what’s the point? Are yall suffocating each other? Making sure you’re working on your relationship BUT ALSO take time apart for yourselves within your relationship. Constand togetherness will only last so long. I know the past few years made this tough
Me and my husband separated. We talked daily and started the dating to spark things up. It lasted 3 months he came home. He was acting very strange. Hiding his phone and what not. Well some guy messaged me telling me my husband got his bm pregnant. Now my husband has a 7 month old. And we r in therapy.
My fiance and I separated for 6 months and we had a 1 year old. We had been together for 6 years. I was tired of his friends always coming before us so I packed up and left. We talked frequently and slowly worked things out. My son and I moved back in, a few months later we got married and have been happy ever since. We have 3 boys 10, 11 and 16. Not going to say every day is easy because it isn’t!. Nonetheless, love wins in the end (for us anyhow).
30 years this December I don’t recommend it. You stay and work it out. If you walk away you might as well throw in the towel. It’s until death do you part not until it gets hard. Just my opinion
Mine moved out a month ago. He has been sleeping with another married woman he works with for 3 months. He says they are wanting to see where this goes…ummmm both are still married. We have 3 kids. The other couple have 0. Both married for 19 years
Therapy for sure. Regardless if your spouse is willing to do it or not, therapy helps a lot. I went on my own accord before and during the ‘separation’ and by having my thought a little less jumbled up I was able to see what was in front of me not what I thought it was. I think the separation had to happen in my case because it helped us both understand what we really want in life, and that was to be together. It’s tough but you know yourself and your relationship the best, if that’s what is needed you do you. There will be plenty of people with their option about how you should do things but at the end of the day it’s your relationship.
My husband and I have never been better. But it took a lot out of us, as well as over communication on my part about my feelings, in order to get over fears of our relationship. Everyone is different and has different needs so it just depends on the individual.
I don’t have any experience but I’ll tell a story about my Nana and Grandpa. They divorced when my dad was 10. She stayed in AR and he moved to GA. They both remarried for a long time. Her husband left and his wife died. She came to visit GA (where my dad and us lived too) and they reconnected. They got remarried when I was 10! My brothers and I were in the wedding and my moms father married them. They’re still together and happy as ever.
Sure go for it…trial separation…but can either one of you be okay if the other has sex with another?? Or several?? Marriage is a commitment you are in it or out of it. If either needs a trail separation throw in the cards now. You work together not apart.
Yes. Almost 3 months. Sometimes you have to be on the verge of letting go of it all and live without one another to really appreciate eachother. Relationships aren’t easy, you will get on eachothers nerves. Sometimes you need a new perspective you can only get with some space.
Also be prepared to be happier “single”, and dont feel badly if you are. That why it’s called a trial separation. You might find that you are much less stressed and more comfortable with who you are, on your own.
If* being together is truly what you want, it will take work on both ends. You can’t be the only one to try. Good luck honey:pray:
Separated as in moved away for 11 months. Still talked and such but being alone brought us together more.
It takes 2 and my husband finally sees that. Hes now the stay at home dad for the time being while I’m working 9 hours days. We still have issues but hes finally understanding that I’m not an octopus with 8 hands.
We have both agreed to try marriage counseling eventually. Right now were using the app called lasting to try to figure out where we disagree and agree in our relationship.
I moved out for 5 months at the end of last year/ beginning of this year. We both did counseling individually and together, worked through issues and made changes in ourselves and our relationship. I moved back in February and things have been so much better ever since. We learned a lot about eachother and how to tackle issues together while we were “separated”. 10/10 would recommend.
Therapy. I trial separation is just the beginning of the end.
Being married means you both commit every single day to work on your marriage and make it work. Marriage is work. There are gling to be good times and bad. But you decode together to get up every day and make an effort to fix and work thru your problems. We on some gang gang shit over here. You want a break go take a nap and then we can get back to work. Imo once you start doing separation and all that its the beginning of the end or it opens you up to cheating and all kinds of crap. My suggestion would be try making a therapy appointment. If you love him and he loves you the way yall have talked about a separation you should talk about what you can do to make it work.
My hubby and I did that. We were separated for about 3 months and things are ok now that we are back together. We still have some issues we are working on but it helped to be honest.
Yep. We separated for about 5 or 6 months. Got our own places and committed to work on it. Things are better than ever. Was very hard at the time but looking back now it’s what was needed. I should say there was no cheating or anything; we just got into a rut and were fighting all the time and just stressed out.
It hasnt worked for my parents lol They have been married but separated on and off my whole life 27 years to the point where I just want them to get a divorce to just end it because they just live like roomates and do everything separately plus I can clearly see my mom is miserable and better off alone. The longest they have been separated was a year.
We did. We separated for two months. Still lived together because, one income and kids. But we went to individual counseling and together as well. That was 9 years ago!
Yes, about 10 yrs ago we separated for a couple months, we’ve been married almost 13 yrs now.
About 2 yrs into our marriage I suffered from major PPD after delivering our son at 31 weeks. He sunk into work to distract himself. So not long after our son came home from the NICU we separated. We stayed friends and he really steppes up being a dad. We stayed apart 3 mths. And it was a sad time for us but neither of us wanted to grow old with anyone else and we both had really stepped up in our communication, self, relationship. Etc. And April will be our 13th wedding Anniversary.
My husband and I separated A few years ago after 6 years for about 6 weeks, and our marriage has never been better. We celebrate our 10 year anniversary on Friday. Good luck to you!
Yes. Was married for 19 yrs, separated for 6 months. During that time we both went to individual counseling and when we got back together, we went to marriage counseling. Celebrated out 26th anniversary in May.
Not gonna say, it’s been peachy but, we manage to work things out.
People may think we’re not perfect for each other but, we know we’re perfect in our own way. It’s not for anyone to judge but, ourselves. Our marriage works for us.
My husband and I full divorced for 18 months. We dated etc but realized the grass was definitely not greener on the other side. We reconnected and have been back togther for 3 years next month, 9 years total. The divorce was the best thing that happened to us. We learned to.vaule each other through both good times and bad. We now say exactlt what we feel and dont tip toe around subjects. Etc. We are so happy with what we learned and what we realized.
My partner and I separated for 3-4 months about 4 years ago. It definitely wasn’t planned though.
We loved each other but we had lost sight of what we wanted in our relationship and we weren’t treating each other the way we should.
During our seperation, we had very very little communication.
When we felt it was a good time for us to start talking again, we really changed our ways of communication, we learnt to really listen to what the other was saying. We learnt how to resolve our issues without arguing, and we fell in love all over again.
We’ve been back together 4 years, have added a beautiful little boy to our family and we haven’t had an argument since
We separated for 1 1/2 yrs and it was not easy. We set strict rules and guidelines and both knew that if we both didn’t give it 100% it wouldn’t work and there won’t be another trial. So it’s now or it’s never
yes! i moved out for 7months. we had a "friend"ship during that time. (took a much needed break). sometimes you just need that. i moved back in… nobody understands it, but its not their relationship. we look back and it was a sad time for us, but we are glad we did it! NOW we are celebrating 10 years on sunday!
I think it all depends on why you choose to do it and how you handle it. Separations can be really healthy but there needs to be LOTS of open communication, contact, and clear goals. If you’re separating just hoping you’ll come back together eventually when you feel like it, you won’t. But if you separate with the intention of working on yourself, taking time to ponder the relationship and all its problems, and do a soft reset on your dynamic, then it can definitely be successful if you’re both dedicated to doing what needs to be done.
Yes and no guess. We Were Together for like 6 years from age 13- 19 id say. being young and knowing nothing but us and not knowing how to handle situations in a better calmer manner we did end up spliting up from all the fighting. About 6 years later we ran into eachother got back in touch and now giving it another shot. Weve been together 2 years now. We did grow alot and more mature but The difference is first it was always fighting now its alot better actually but he is now hanging out with people who do nothing but wana drink an party. We have a daughter an my 2 boys an that is not my cup up tea so in a way i feel we are just wanting different life styles. Some days are really not good but everything that happens is only when he drinks so we are working that out right now. He has cut down alot lately cause he doesnt wana loose us all over again but theres still that one bad day. I feel if he didnt start the drinking we would have no problems since getting back together. But i cant tell you that i dont think about the what ifs and if its guna keep working in the long run. I wana work it out for the sake of our family and our time we spent on eachother. Im not saying he cant go have fun but he gets super waisted and it causes problems so its awhole new issue with us. But with that being said i do wana work us out after all this time and if it doesnt i gave it my all.
I have been with my spouse for 10 years and we separated for about a year and worked on our problems, we decided to give it another try and it has been the best our relationship has ever been.
I’ve never done it, but I feel like you would need to do it on the terms that it was to lead to a healthier relationship between the two of you. If you only separated to see how things go and you’re already having issues, I feel it would be easy to just let go completely at that point. You both need to be held accountable for working on what needs to be worked on and have boundaries in my opinion. That’s just me though.
Together for 13, separated for 11 months, been back together for a year. We have weekly therapy and love each other more now.
My Dad was an abusive alcoholic. My mom kicked him out in 90 but they came cack together in 97. My dad got sober and counseling. My mom went through several nervous breakdown lasting months. Dad worked on his relationship with mom and every single kid he had. We left tje area we lived in in 97. And that is when they got back together. He was good until dementia took hold.
Yes , off and on separated almost 2 years 40 years ago. When back together, we both matured and he’s best hubby ever… married 50 years this year and we " forgive " the 2 years.we were apart… Actually divorced briefly and we remarried each other … I filed , he didn’t contest and accidently went through in 90 days… we both thought the other would stop it. No attorneys involved . That is what actually brought us back together.
Trial separation my ass?! Is that how they call it nowadays?! My now ex husband would come and go (5X). Then I finally saw it was a game to him. At the 5th time, I filed for divorce. Finally divorced after 2 long years?! It was a “marriage vacation “ for him aka as sleeping around.
My husband and I took some time apart for four months. He stayed with his mom. During this time it was very hard as we had a young baby and older kids. We still talked daily and were trying to get back to a good spot. We eventually did after this time apart. The first few weeks of him being back was kinda awkward and over the next few months we had to have a lot of honest conversations. Its been almost 3 years since that and we are stronger than ever. Trust is back. We are happy again. Dont give up. Do what is best for you.
My boyfriend and I been together for two years and we live separately for a few weeks at a time we stay together just do it separately at times
My boyfriend (at the time) & I separated for a few months. It was horrible for me initially but I figured it out. We still spoke, interacted, etc (we were together 6 years & our kids were like siblings). We both worked on some things & ended up getting back together. We just got married the beginning of August. It’s not for everyone & it definitely will test your patience. You need to know what the other person’s expectations are during the separation.
Try therapy instead of separation. Too many things can happen and not happen during a separation. If a marriage is not strong a separation is not going to make it healthy it will only make it weaker. Making it strong and healthy means staying together, being united and trying overcome whatever it is that needs to be. To me, doing a trial separation would be only adding more to damaging your marriage than it would to strengthen it.
Yep! We separated after about 2 years of marriage/4 years of being together. I moved out and cut off all contact for 9 months with exceptions being about our cats or the house selling. One day I got a phone call about closing on our house and Long story short I saw a change in him and how hard he was trying to be better in the ways that were unacceptable and made me leave. Moved in to a new house together, finally was able to conceive after 4 years of being told I was infertile. We are now on our 3rd new house, 3rd baby, and have been happy since. That was 6 years ago and this year will be our 10th anniversary
I separated from my husband for 4 months and also divorced him. That was 5 years ago. We tried it and decided we were better as a team. He wasn’t a team player before and he changed so noches after. We have since moved to a bigger house shared more of the financial responsibilities and shared the household work. It worked for us but I know it won’t work for everyone. Weigh your options and be prepared to be alone if that’s what either of you decide. Good luck.
P.s we have not and probably will not remarry, and that’s something we’re both ok with. We have 5 kids (2 together and 3 from a previous relationship) our kids know everything and are happy and healthy and that’s what matters.
We aren’t married but my bf and I had a 3 month separation in summer of 2019. He got a new gf immediately and we came back together at the beginning of that school year. Been together since that separation was the best thing to happen to us, we realized we don’t want anyone else, no matter how hard it is.
Before we were married my husband and I broke up for about 5 months. We both took time to heal and work on ourselves.
Me and my ex split up for about 4/5 months, got back together and lasted a week before he started his shit again so I ended it again and have never been happier
Hopefully it works for you if yall decide to do that. Me and my husband won’t do that we always say if we need to.br separated then we are getting a divorce there is no walking a way or break for us. I know people where that doesn’t work well at all…but good luck for you!!!
It depends on the people involved. If you’re with a narcissist, it never will. You will get the “I don’t have anything to work on” if you suggest individual counseling prior to marriage counseling. Marriage counseling does not work with a true narcissist, they just gain an ally. If you’re two, normal, healthy people…it might. If you both agree to the rules and actively work toward a joint goal.
If you need a separation there is a reason. More than likely it won’t work a 2nd time.
Separated for a year, no contact with each other. Our relationship is better than it’s even been.
The only way a separation can come back together without a split again is if one or both of you are happy to put up with the others issues. People don’t change. They just learn to tolerate the other person.
If you want it to work you have to break up properly. Can’t have the best of both worlds. Go cold turkey and if you both find yourselves wanting to get back together then start from scratch. Trial breaks are a joke, just informs of the different pages you’re on.
Separation is a good excuse for one party or the other to cheat. I wouldn’t recommend it. Couples therapy is a much better option.
consider counseling while separated.
We separate after 3 years for a year and a half and have been back together for over a year now going strong
We done a trail for over a month and got back together in March this year. The first week was hard before we actually split up. We didn’t talk other than if it’s about our son and then we started to talk more like how we used too and got back on track better and stronger. Sure there’s been hard days but we don’t let that stop us fighting for our relationship and family together.
Yes about 10 months. Lots of forgiveness, letting the past go, communication, therapy
Yes. Back in 09 my husband and I separated and actually divorced for 11 months. We got back together in month 12 and have been together since. We both had some growing up to do and it was a much needed time for reflecting and soul searching for the both of us.
Separation as in, he went to jail, yea… (nothing because of me or our kids) since he got out, we started “over”. Things have been great the past several years.
My separation led to a divorce. I now see that it should have been fought for together or left it once and for all.
I say do it! If the love is there and you are both wanting to be together, you will find your way back. It will open both of your eyes as what you both want and need from one another. Just be prepared for you or your s/o to decide the marriage isn’t what is wanted. If you do separate and are wanting to grow. I say move out and start over with dating your s/o again. If you can’t get to where you want to be in a time frame you both set then move on. There is nothing wrong with finding out the person you are with isn’t the one. The problem starts when you allow yourself to just stay when you are not happy. Never stay just for the kids. They see and feel the tension in the house. Two happy homes are better than one miserable one. Good luck!
Don’t be surprised if he comes back with a baby.
Yes 20 year relationship. 5 year break up. Been back together for 2 years. We have the best relationship.