Did you feel guilty for cheating on a cheater?My bf of at the time 1.5yrs cheated on me with a random person, he admitted the next day out of guilt. We sort of worked through it, although there’s been a time again 3 months ago I found he went on a dating app when we fought for 2 days. I fell pregnant a month after he cheated and decided to keep it as things were getting better, well he seemed to try more and pick up on his mistakes more quicker although it’s been very slow. I’m about 5 months pregnant now still constantly get paranoid about him cheating if I don’t see him for more than a day, it’s left a big traumatic memory in my head as he cheated when things were going really good. He was talking about having a family together and dreams of what it would be like to live together etc and we weren’t arguing anymore, things seemed so calm in between us and with him and my kids which they really have struggled to accept him. Now I’m constantly scared if I don’t hear from him for a few hours, or we are going good or if we are fighting for a day that he goes on dating apps for attention (he has never sent number or asked for one but it’s annoying that he needs attention straight away like an ego boost, instead of using that time to think about what has happened).Now I’m about 5 months pregnant and constantly feel sxually frustrated, he has been working a lot where he just wants to sleep then wakes up and goes straight to work for the last 3 days and on top of that he has a prn addiction so if I’m not around the time he has the most stamina (middle of the darn day) he will do that. I know none of these are excuses to go cheat and him cheating isn’t an excuse either but I’m working so hard to save up for baby and have 3 teens I take care of, I barely get any of my emotional/physical needs met…I love him but he puts me through he’ll sometimes with his anger issues too. I tried leaving him many times, we keep coming back to each other. Have you ever cheated when you couldn’t get over your partner cheating and didn’t feel guilty?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Have you cheated on a cheater and did you feel guilty about it?
The fact that you are potentially considering cheating on your partner alone speaks volumes about the relationship that you have. I would say enough is enough. Cheating is not normal and not okay
You both have too many issues, no don’t go cheating on him especially while pregnant. Grow up and move on
Your kids struggling to accept him should be a big enough red flag. Let alone him cheating , absolutely no trust , and you genuinely asking if you should cheat on him too. Just leave lol
If you have to worry if he’s cheating every time you can’t see him then this is not the relationship for you.
If you’re ready to cheat, you’re ready to call it quits. Cheating is nothing but a tool to get back at him, and I’m sorry but as a future momma…you need to get your head out of your panties and start thinking about the child you’re bringing into this mess.
I’m sorry you got hurt, but the truth is both of you need to grow up… it’s not just about you or him anymore
I definitely say it’s time for y’all to leave and not come back to each other if you feel the need to cheat back.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. If that’s your current mindset, it’s toxic, and you shouldn’t be together. Cheating on him wont make you feel better and will just make things worse. I think the bottom line here is you don’t trust him. You need to decide if you can deal with the constant anxiety being with him causes you or if you’re all better off separating and just coparenting when baby comes. That’s for you to decide, no one else. Just because you come back to him time and time again doesn’t mean he’s going to change nor does it mean that you should stay. Actions are the best indicator of changed behavior. If he’s active on dating apps, he’s not going to stop cheating. If you need to, and it helps to see if on paper, write it down on a piece of paper. Pros and cons. Good or bad. And see which column has more or less in it. Then decide if you’re willing to tie yourself to that for good.
Uh NO! Why would anyone do that? The old saying, two wrongs don’t make a right fits best here. I’m not about to compromise my morals and let someone else’s behavior lead me down a path of zero self respect, skewed moral compass, and being a liar. There’s a lot of things you can do when you get cheated on but cheating back shouldn’t even be in the realm of possibilities when you have an empathic and truly good heart. Hurt people hurt people, so don’t let someone else’s short comings lead you down the same path as them.
Girl. An eye for an eye gets you nowhere and will just give him something to hold over your head. Especially if you go cheat while your pregnant with his kid. Have some class, have some pride and leave him.
Do not cheat. Leave. This is not a healthy relationship for either of you. And the fact that you are 5 months pregnant thinking of cheating (maybe I’m paranoid) but his cheating or yours could put the health of this baby at risk with an STD. Leave and deal with the sexual frustration for now.
I don’t see why you would cheat. Just leave?
Cut your losses and all this drama and be done. You will be better off.
A man who cheats is not a man.
A REAL man happy in a relationship doesn’t fall
For other woman.
I wouldn’t stoop to his level. I’ve been through it and thought about cheating back as a “” to him but just couldn’t do it. I’m to much of a loyal person. It’s time to change the relationship to co-parenting. Maybe you two would do better as friends. If you don’t your just putting yourself through it and upsetting yourself and your baby.
You literally said it’s been 3 days and you’re considering cheating? This relationship is doomed to fail. You chose to forgive him and seeking revenge is not part of forgiving someone. If you wanna be with someone else just leave him.
Ive been cheated on while pregnant and i chose to forgive my fiance you chose to forgive him he didnt force you to forgive him if youre thinking about cheating just leave. Think about how it made you feel you really want to make someone else feel like that??? Im sorry but this is wrong you shouldnt have forgave him if you werent ready to. It took me months to get over it multiple talks so either talk to eachother or just leave if you wanna cheat on him so bad.
The thing that annoys me is the fact that you know who and what he is and you still got pregnant by him? Now you want to go and cheat on him while you’re pregnant? Do you hear yourself? If you cheat you are just as much of a slime ball. Just take your kids and leave
It honestly sounds like you two just aren’t compatible. Even if you forgive the person for cheating you can never ever forget about it and will always be in the back of your mind. But you cheating for retaliation won’t help the situation and it won’t make you feel better either. I understand it’s hard to leave someone who is probably your “comfort zone” and to think about starting over and finding someone knew is overwhelming, but do you really want to be in this situation forever?
What I can say is sometimes the trust just doesn’t come back. But I can also say that you arnt in love with him either. But sleeping around while pregnant is scary for you and the baby.
No don’t cheat, if you aren’t a cheater then that would be screwing up your own morals. Sounds like you both are very unhappy. Maybe it’s time to split up. Like they said two wrongs don’t make a right as others on the post have said. If my husband ever cheated I would leave period. I think cheating is the worst ever and morally I could never cheat even if I was cheated on. Sounds like you both have checked out of this relationship.
No. It won’t make you feel better. It will add to your problems tremendously. You will feel guilty … then because you feel so guilty you will stay… and that teaches him its okay. It’s best that now that the trust is broken to just leave. It will never be the same as it was before. I know.
2 wrongs don’t make a right.
You didn’t forgive him. If you did you wouldn’t be having this thought and if you can’t forgive him, you need to move on. Don’t waste yours or his time.
Two wrongs don’t make a right! Doesn’t sound like either one of you, actually LOVE each other, if you’re thinking about cheating then just move on
You need to end this relationship. It’s super unhealthy for the adults and kids to live this way. No one’s put any effort to work on themselves and until that happens this relationship will never get better. Is this what you want you kids to grow up seeing so when they choose partners they choose toxic people too? Or think it’s ok to be treated this way?
Cheating on a cheater solves nothing, for sure, because then you’d be the one riddled with guilt, and if they found out, regardless if you forgave their infidelity, they’d absolutely leave, because that’s how it works for the ones who never go against the rules. The moment you do, regardless if anyone elsa has gotten away with the same, you for sure wouldn’t.
Throw the whole man away.
The Man’s strait trash.
Maybe you feel the need to cheat just to get over him. Because it’ll never be the same after that.
This entire thing sounds toxic as heck. Do better for your kids and yourself.
Hell no absolutely not, this is a disaster
Nope. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Throw the entire situation away. I know you know the answer to this, I’m sure you will get drug through the mud on this post. If you want to cheat then leave
Two wrongs don’t make a damn right. You say you are raising teenagers. Would you suggest them to go cheat on their cheater? Come on, lady!
Honey you haven’t listed a single reason to stay with this man. There is no way this relationship works out long term and dragging it on will only hurt everyone long term. Also, your kids hate him for good reason. Do you really want to teach your kids that it’s okay for your partner to cheat on you??
Instead of cheating just leave. So far to me he not gonna stop cheating. Especially since he knows you will always take him back. Shoot that first cheat would had been enough
Just leave. This is just unhealthy. Coparent your children together and move on and find your happiness because this isn’t it
I wouldn’t continue… you’ll literally be this way your entire relationship… no ty
just leave simple as
In my young years I’d go cheat back but being in my 30’s, what’s the point! Save yourself the bs and leave, once a cheater always a cheater. Guys like that always have a plan b so don’t make yourself an option and just leave.
Honestly it sounds like a terrible situation that will hurt you. Do you really want to let something like that poison you?
Umm this is so toxic & sad. If you have to ask then you already know the answer. It seems your kids are giving you clarity by not accepting him. If he has to cheat, get ego boost on dating apps, or watching porn for “stamina,” then all he’s doing is justifying and that’s just toxic and gross. You can do better for both you and your kids. Don’t be with a man whom you have to worry about all that; It’s too much effort for a man who’s not gonna change. Just leave.
How sad that you are bringing an innocent baby into that situation
So why you with him?
So if you cheat, then you’re a cheater. Is that who you want to be? Nahhhh. This whole thing sounds toxic so leave it behind you. Coparent, at most, with this guy and go build yourself a life that doesn’t drive you crazy.
How does one “fell” pregnant?
Please get yourself into therapy.
My morals aren’t based off of others actions.
Yall a mess, girl gtfo! You’re not good for him and he’s not good for you, leave and invest in YOU and your kids and maybe counseling to deal with your own toxic traits. Don’t put yourself and kids through all that craziness, grow up!
Don’t cheat! Get a vibrator!
Also, leave if you’re constantly in a State of Wonder and no trust. That’s toxic and not a relationship to be in!
Girl if you don’t LEAVE
That feeling will never go away. Relationship is ruined. Time to move on. Once a cheater always a cheater. Don’t go down to his level and cheat. Respect yourself
The fact that u wanna sleep with some random, with a baby inside u, just sounds gross in itself… and the fact that u think he’s on dating sites not giving his number or looking to meet up, makes u naive af… IJS
Are you saying you want to cheat on your sig other while you’re 5 months pregnant because he cheats on you nonstop….?
Girl leave him. You sound absolutely miserable. For real, your life sounds absolutely so damn miserable. You do not want this. You do not want to spend the rest of your life paranoid as hell, always KNOWING he’s going to cheat again.
Being single the rest of your life is better than this. I know it’s easier said than done. Trust me. My last 2 relationships were so toxic and I stayed forever no matter how many people told me to leave.
I promise you though being single and at peace feels amazing without always thinking if you’re being cheated on. You CAN do this. It can get better. Do not waste your life anymore on this absolute trash.
I honestly hope things work out for you.
I would just leave. This sounds miserable. Have the baby file for child support and move on. You will happier in the long run
Once a cheater always a cheater. Leave tge relationship and find better.
Okay so you are just as shitty as him? Got it.
This mentality is insanely childish. Either break up or get over it and the fact it’ll keep happening. Two options.
Could it be possibly you are maybe overthrowing things now due to pregnancy hormones?
2 wrongs don’t make a right. You both sound very toxic and need to part ways for good.
Guess what that will make you a h** just leave instead of being a immature child. Grow the hell up
I can’t believe you’re bringing a child into that shitshow of a relationship. Sorry but that’s wrong.
Geez grow up. Either trust each other or break up.
Once trust is broken the relationship will fail. It was over when he cheated. His cheating eats at you now. Just go and end it with him and do what you need after that to be happy.
Considering you know how you felt when he cheated, don’t stoop to that level and just come out and tell him how you’re feeling and call it a day. If he doesn’t budge, then call it quits and go get you sum
Oh yeah, this sounds like a wonderful relationship, so full of trust and understanding and above all, lots of healthy communication. Not sure why you even thought you needed to ask for advice, it sounds like your boyfriend is quite the catch, a perfect match for you. There’s nothing wrong with looking for random hookups while pregnant, there’s little to no risk for the health of the baby. Make sure you stick with that gem of a man too. Sounds like a great future
You sound like you’re a kid.
You have 3 teenagers and now you are bringing another child into this mess.
Get your head together.
You are not being a good role model for your teenagers.
I would cut out the men
Focus on the children you have.
Do not have any more children unless you can afford to raise them.
I wish you and the children well.
Both of you need therapy.
Individual as well as couples.
If you need to cheat to feel better, move on. You obviously haven’t forgiven him.
You cheating wont fix a thing,your damaged cz he cheated so u want to lower yourself to that,grow up and make a choice if you want him or not then do your thing,clearly u dont trust him so you have to decide if u can live this way
I didn’t read anywhere that said you cheated? Cheating on him won’t make a difference at all unless you’re trying to cause him the same pain he caused you. It’s time to move on and call it quits if you feel like cheating is the best solution
This is what ends relationships!
I knew my ex had planned a night with her ex,and she didn’t really hide it!
So my reaction was accepting an invite to be around my children and having dinner.
I knew it would end up with sex.
It was emotional revenge,and I was correct as my partner at the time was in a relationship with her ex within a couple of weeks!
Go cheat. Thats the advice you came here for. Just do it. No need to play guilty. You just needed attention and support. Get that from whoever you cheat on that d*uche with
Don’t cheat just leave. Wether he did it or you do it it’s never okay. You don’t want this relationship if this is something you’re considering. Especially, while being pregnant. You can use many resources out there to get yourself and your kids out and you in your feet. Ask yourself… is this how you want to live the rest of your life?
You have 3 teenage children you should be worried about and a baby on the way. Sex should be the last thing you need to be worrying about or the dumba** dude who knocked you up and clearly doesn’t care! What were you expecting anyone to support this train wreck of a relationship🙄
Cheating isn’t normal, nor is it ok. I suggest you find someone who doesn’t cross these boundaries
Why would you get pregnant with these issues? You have three teens watching their mother. It is affecting them too. You need to change. Leave and don’t look back.
I’ve never cheated back when being cheated on
How old are you? Girl, break up with him. None of your needs are being met and there’s no trust. Relationships can’t last on one sided love.
Only make babies with someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with, anything less is asking for a life of parenting alone. If your asking random strangers for permission to cheat , you already know the answer.
You sound dumb and I feel sorry for your child
Tell me you’re in a relationship that needs to end without telling me …
Read that again as though it’s a post from a friend, or one of your teenagers when they’re older.
What advice would you give them?
Nothing about this situation is healthy.
Nothing about the way the issues are being dealt with is mature.
Relationships take effort.
Why would you cheat so you can ease his consiounce and be just as bad
I thought u were 17 until u said “I have 3 teens to take care of”…
I’m not sure why you’re having a baby with him.
Jfc, you’re pregnant. That’s disgusting.
If you can’t get over it, leave them. Don’t become like him.
He cheats you are thinking about cheating why are you guys together
2 wrongs don’t make a right
But if he is cheating on you
Why are you still with him
Cheating is never ok and if it’s to that point you might as well end it. I would have left his a$$ when he cheated. Period. No getting back together. OVER.
Cheating ya cheater will not solve any problems but will make everything harder .
You should have left him a while ago. It’s pretty clear that you are the only one wanting to safe the relationship.
Spending your time wondering if he is cheating is just a waste of time, you should be spending that time figuring out how to leave and survive
So you’re thinking about putting the health and safety of your unborn baby at risk to get even? Because you need to get some because you haven’t had it in a while? Get a toy and stay away from the man. Your unborn baby and other kids deserve better. Clearly everyone in that house is miserable with the current situation so it sounds like It’s time for you and your kids to move on and go away from him. I would suggest getting some therapy ASAP. Nothing about any of this is healthy especially entertaining having a random hook up while pregnant.￼￼
End the relationship if you are considering stepping out
When You stated that your teens find it hard to get along with him; alone, should’ve been enough for you to keep trudging on with the awesome job you was already doing with your babies before he came along
Don’t waste the time you have left on Petty ish either; cos you’ll be left feeling hurt AGAIN ?!?
You n the kids don’t need this, get out early while you can and don’t waste more years on hopes For / with someone who has No Hope for you
Why would u even wanna be intimate with him and how could u emotionally connect with him after he’s always putting u in fear of cheating on u? Talk about putting urself through emotional rollercoaster and u won’t feel release of stress Becuz he won’t be a good lover anyway. He sounds like a loser and sex addict. Doesn’t seem u r able to stay bonded through his recovery of all that. U don’t have to. Beside the fact u also wanna cheat on him. U r the only one saving up for baby. He is very irresponsible and beyond selfish. U most likely expressed these concerns to him. Porn is also ruining this relationship. Ur preg and this is way too much drama and stress. Ur older kids see the red flags. Kick him out. Ur better off without him. Be wise and don’t be sleeping around while pregnant.
I dont understand, have you already cheated or wanting to cheat? I mean at the end of the day if you have to cheat to get his attention, its time to call it quits. The fact you are even thinking about it speaks volumes. Yall need to go your separate ways if this is how you are treating each other. You can never come back completely from cheating though remember that. Think about it, is this how you want your kids and baby on the way to see the way yall are and think its normal? You need to think about the kiddos. Also you are pregnant, why would you WANT to cheat?
Toxic and you would thrive if he wasn’t there
2 wrongs don’t make a right!
When a relationship becomes this toxic where people are trying to pay each other back by cheating then it’s time to call it quits. You can’t undo some things! Trust is very important in a relationship! If you can’t trust each other then you don’t have much to build on.
got to love that unconditional love. just be friends lol
Girl your relationship should not continue.