Help with board game drama

My 5 yr old grandson got a lot of board games this Christmas and it's not fun for anyone unless he wins. If he starts losing he has a meltdown and gets almost hysterical. He also tries to cheat and then denies it. I'm kinda at my wits end because I want him to learn to be a good sport but playing anything with him almost always ends up with him angry and in tears. What can I do to make him a better sport about losing sometimes? I've let him win sometimes because otherwise the game would go on for too long and I can't stand the noise level if he loses. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Help with board game drama

When he wins celebrate it but if someone elseā€™s win encourage him to celebrate their win. Explain its like a birthday, you get your own special day just like everybody else but not the same day. It canā€™t be his birthday every day and he canā€™t win every time. Everybody has to have a turn just like birthdays.

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I simply tell the child (in my case, its my preschoolers that I teach) that they donā€™t always win, and if they are going to throw a fit if they lose I will no longer play the game with them.

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Maybe he is just too young and immature to enjoy competitive games. Maybe put them up till he gets a little older and read to him or just play with toys for awhile longer.

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Beat him at every game with no mercy. No bragging or gloating but donā€™t ever ever let him win. Itā€™s a lesson I promise he will look back on. My daughter was the same way.

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Let him learn naturally. Youā€™ve told him over and over again, now itā€™s time for him to experience it first hand. People will start by calling him out, and eventually no one will want to play with him. When that happens and he gets upset thatā€™s when you teach him how to rebuild those gaming relationships, and how to cope with losing. He also might be struggling with the feeling of inadequacy, and it never ever hurts to reinforce to your child that they are perfectly adequate. Iā€™d try helping with his self esteem and see if that helps too. Heā€™ll learn eventually or board games just wonā€™t be his thing and thatā€™s ok too.

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Talk to him and explain that he canā€™t always win its not how u play, and if he canā€™t play a game without a tanty they all get put away until he can be a big boy and play properly.

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We had this problem with the older one. 9 now and still will get agitated. We tell him it is to have fun and it isnā€™t fun for everyone if only one winner. But I show no mercy on mine. And everyone is a winner in their own way. And if he wants to throw a fit, we donā€™t have to play.

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When he loses, and throws a fit, pick the game up, put it where he canā€™t reach it, leave the room. Donā€™t bring it out for a while.

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Itā€™s not about winning; itā€™s how you play. If you complain the whole time and try to cheat, then nobody is going to celebrate your win. But if you play the game, and you win, then we will celebrate. Explain that not everyone is a winner. And if he continues to throw temper tantrums, then put the game up. Even if itā€™s not finished, put the game up. And eventually, heā€™ll learn that nobody wants to play games with a cheater or sore loser.

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Itā€™s a learning curve. Let him know that itā€™s OK to lose. Give him a treat if he plays without drama. A jar of jelly beans or M & Mā€™sā€¦ doled out periodically. If he starts acting up, stop the game and put him in his room to calm down.

My son was the same way. He eventually grew out of it but it took a while and a lot of ā€œok weā€™re not playing anymore if youā€™re going to act like that!ā€

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Thereā€™s games that you work together on and you all win. It helped my kids.

My daughter is 5 turns 6 next month she was like that at first but I told her over an over not every time she gonna win sometime she will sometimes her sister will an time her pop pop will an sometimes she will but itā€™s ok it she looses that means next time she has to work harder now she thinks itā€™s funny when we all loose an someone wins her favorites ate trouble an playing uno

Teach him about empathy towards others. My son has this issue and just turned 5. I bought the teach your dragon empathy diggory do book and itā€™s definitely helped!

Refuse to play with him until he learns how to play nicely.

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You can buy co-operative board games to play, or change the rules of the games you already have (ie. winning the game is when everyone arrives at the finish line, etc)

Iā€™ll admit I used to get mad if I lost games as a child too donā€™t know my age but I did stop acting up eventually my family wouldnā€™t want to play with me because they knew when Iā€™d lose Iā€™d get mad

my daughter is gonna be 8 tomorrow and still the same way lol.

Beat him every chance you get and make all that dang noise first or right along with him. :joy::joy:

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Ok, I see the comments on the page about his age and they are right. However, this is every 5 yr old and one day they will meet their hissy fit clone. School or some activity where he has to play with others- who also like to win. Been there too. Mines 12 now, a bit better but it took socialization and she still pouts if she loses or quits the game. So, my hindsight advice, grain of salt and all that.

I let the school sort it out because itā€™s just the two of us. Itā€™s really hard to learn turn taking when there isnā€™t ant waiting. I did teach her to be a better loser with the best game ever- as it also teaches basic math skills. War, because it constantly changes whoā€™s winning. It plays just long enough to be fun. And just long enough that winning is less of a goal. The mini wars settle that ā€œgotta win em allā€ itch. And the big war is a real accomplishment. I even pointed out when she would go from a puny 10 card stack to winning in less than 5 minutes

My daughter is 5 and we always end our games with a handshake and ā€œgood game, thanks for playingā€. She gets sad when she doesnā€™t win, but we also talk about how great of a game she played and that she can try again next time.

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Tell him this time you will play your best and be a man if he lose and accept defeat graciously. Do not let him win. Let him fight his battles at young age or he will never learn his lesson.

Sounds like me at 36yo :joy: God forbid anyone buy the brown and navy streets on Monopoly before I can :woman_facepalming::rofl: Donā€™t play snap with me either or youā€™ll get the old aggressive overly powerful snap down too. Best just explain that if he canā€™t be civil, he canā€™t play because people donā€™t want to play with someone like that. And play without him having fun. Trust me :smiling_imp::joy:

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Mine is about to be 4 and when he has a melt down because he loses games on his iPad I tell him, if you canā€™t control your emotions playing that game then you shouldnā€™t be playing it, if it upsets you that much, it is not healthy for youā€¦ā€¦. Besides you can always start again.

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Canā€™t play unless he plays it right.

My kid is 4, we are having the same issue. But when he starts getting mad, I stop the game and pack it up. Once he calms down, we talk about how itā€™s only a game, and no reason to get mad.

Then we try to play again. If he gets mad again, I just put the game up and let him go to the next activity (like playing with his toys, coloring, watching tv or something that doesnā€™t involve the board games).

We flat out donā€™t play games with our kids for a while when they act like that. My oldest two finally act civil during games so weā€™re able to play. Youngest is working on his issues. He might get over it faster seeing that he gets left out of game night.

My daughter is 5 and usually a good sport either way but if she wants it the cheater way we donā€™t play :woman_shrugging:t2:

Refuse to play with him and explain why. Tell him that its no fun for you to lose all the time and you need to take turns winning. And if he starts crying again, stop the game and tell him again thats its not fun to hear his crying. He really needs to learn how to lose. Life is not always going to let him win.

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He is 5 let him win :woman_shrugging:t3: maybe he likes the feeling of winning :trophy:

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Heā€™s young. Just keep doing it and modeling good sportsmanship and rewarding him with positive feedback when he displays good sportsmanship. You can also role play with like a doll or something, or read a book or watch a video about it

When my kids started doing that; I got ALL the games I had just purchased and gave them to my neighbor.

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One of the most important things for a pre schooler to learn before school is how to lose or their school life will be a nightmare.

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Just do the deal with it dance :dancer: :man_dancing:ā€¦ā€¦

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Donā€™t play. I told my son that if he can follow the instructions on board games then, no one will play with him. After a game even if he loses he says ā€˜good gameā€™ or we donā€™t start a new game and all board games get packed up.

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Reminds me of my brother when we played snakes and ladders. If I won there was a fight.

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My youngest is 6 and was the same way for a bit. Not quite that bad. But she would just say she didnā€™t feel like playing anymore lol. We just kept explaining how good it feels to win when you work for it and beat someone for real. We would tell her how smart she was when she would win and I think it made her feel better. Somehow she has really good luck and wins a lot anyways :joy: we always used to tell her that we wouldnā€™t play if she didnā€™t play fair and explain that kids at school may not want to play with her if she always had to win.

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He needs to know what itā€™s like to lose, thatā€™s the issue with younger generations. They all are always given a gold star for everything they do even if they donā€™t deserve it making them develop a sense of entitlement. Explain that itā€™s not fun for you to lose every time too and if he throws a fit just tell him you will not be playing the game with him anymore. Heā€™s not always going to win at everything in his life, and itā€™s better he figure that out now rather than later.

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Play together as a family but instead of letting him be alone have him pair up with someone. Maybe you and him. Show him how to be a good player by letting him see how you react as a team together. So if both of you are a team in monopoly or life and something doesnā€™t go your way you react in an ā€œitā€™s okā€ type way. He will begin to mirror you and learn to be ok when ā€œyou didnā€™t winā€ or ā€œsomething didnā€™t go our wayā€ because mom didnā€™t get upset so neither should i

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Teach him to celebrate other peoples wins. Iā€™ve taught my kiddos celebrating someone elseā€™s win is just as fun as winning. Itā€™s also shown them to be empathetic so they end up encouraging the person that lost.

Example: I lost at Mario cart to my 10 year old lol I said something along the lines that I did a terrible job. My son told me ā€œitā€™s okay mom, you did really good for not playing before! You just need to practice then youā€™ll get better. Good job!ā€ And hugged me. Heā€™s a sensitive kiddo now but like most kiddos he was a poor sport until I modeled the behavior I wanted him to copy just takes time.

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My youngest goes through that sometimes mainly bc he is the youngest and doesnā€™t understand that his cousin is 5 years older than him and has been playing these games for a much longer timeā€¦granted this is video games usually with card or board games itā€™s the other way and I have to actually make sure the older one doesnā€™t cheat the younger ones. Thankfully living with us has made the older kid want to teach the youngest stuff on games where they try and win together which has been amazing but there have been a lot of times where even playing by himself on a video game Iā€™ve had to tell my youngest if you cannot just enjoy a game and playing and trying then maybe you need a break or arenā€™t old enough to play those games. He didnā€™t like not being old enough for anything being the youngest so sometimes that worked and other times he would agree he needed a break or to play something else for a while and he would put the game up or go play with something else if he was playing with others Iā€™d have him sit his turn out a while.

We still have times where we revisit this but I think every family has some more overly competitive in nature members my sister was always the worst at cheating at everything so itā€™s not a wonder that Iā€™ve encountered that with her kids my son wonā€™t cheat but man does he get a temper. He gets upset but knows once he is to that point itā€™s game over for him until he can control himself.
Iā€™ve told him to imagine how terrible it would be if he lost every time and then think about what that means about him thinking only he should won while everyone else loses every time and that he needs to realize that everyone has their time their day their game and it around be about more than winning it should be about the enjoyment of spending time with the friends and family you love and also for the fun of the game itself.

As you can tell from the long comment it is something you just have to be consistent with bc he just has days where he is too emotional or stressed or overwhelmed over stimulated and cannot handle anymore and needs to step away from that type of thing that day even now that he is 8.
So I direct him to do something else.
I also tell him it wouldnā€™t serve him for others to let him win bc he would never get better at playing and never be able to gain the ability to win on his own that way.

Thankfully he knows the deal. Yes we can talk about why he is upset but no he canā€™t throw a fit and continue with whatever it is that is causing him to lose control he has to walk away. I hope this serves him later in life in situations where if he feels he may lose control he takes a time out and pulls himself out of the situation instead of losing his cool and getting into trouble we have also discussed that and that that is the bigger lesson here that and thinking of the way it makes others feel when he acts that way. Getting angry and aggressive does not get you what you want in my house period. Manipulation doesnā€™t either. Cheating doesnā€™t profit you and neither will lying. Accountability and trust is always the value we want to reach and not just to others but to ourselves bc even if we cheat to win we know we cheated and it doesnā€™t feel good deep down and we donā€™t want to carry that around itā€™s also a lie and hurts those who trusted us and no one will want to play with someone they cannot trust eventually.

Once he is in school you will be glad you taught him this at this age or at least start these lessons and set these standards. Tbh once they have friends in school they understand and appreciate these things more but not is the time to plant those seeds and set the example.

With a new game we also have a learning round or two where each turn is used to learn how best we should play so everyone learns the game.

What Iā€™m going through with my 5 year old I tell him u canā€™t win all the time and as long as u have fun thatā€™s what matters

When I was 4 or 5 my mom beat me at skipo, I put my hand up to her and said "talk to the hand because the face, donā€™t give a damn, leave a message and Iā€™ll call you back later!

My mom!: :hushed::hushed::hushed:

And that was the end of that! :joy:

Whatā€™s his punishment when he acts like a brat? Heā€™s old enough for school. Iā€™d hate to be his teacher when he thinks itā€™s okay to behave that way.

Heā€™s 5. Let him win. He will learn empathy for others soon. Itā€™s all about him right now and thatā€™s okay.

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I used to teach my kids that as a reward for them handling a loss the right way, they earn a prize for being a good sport. Something small like a dollar toy from dollar tree or something like that. It helps them feel good and at the same time they are getting through a game without a meltdown

The next time he asks to play a game, tell him no, and tell him itā€™s because he gets so upset when heā€™s losing. I think he will eventually promise not to meltdown. If you play and he does meltdown, stop playing the game. Just stay consistent with this, and I think he will learn to not have meltdowns.

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Let him choose 2 fun activities one for if he wins one for if you win. That way he isnā€™t fixated on the game itself but more so spending time with friends/family. No one likes to lose totally normal for his age but definitely something that can be worked :slight_smile:

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Look him straight in the eye when heā€™s throws a fit donā€™t say a word pack it up and just walk away

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Tell him he will not always win and should be happy and celebrate others winning too. That heā€™d want them happy for him when he wins. Also show him what it feels like to play with a sore loser the way he acts. (So when he wins, act like he does) bring awareness to it. He wonā€™t like it because heā€™d want to be celebrating and congratulated. Show him WHY good sportsmanship is important.

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How about no more board games for now. I find most kids that age get upset if they lose. Take him to the park. Fly a kite. Ride bikes. Anything non competitive is better for that age.

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I would probably pick up the board game and chuck it across the room and tell him thatā€™s what it looks like when he has a fit. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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When he starts to throw a tantrum you throw one let him know how it feels/is!

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Play on. He has to learn to lose gracefully. Life skill.

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Very normal age behaviorā€¦ I recommend you look for some reading material about the psychology of a 5 year old and modify your unrealistic expectations

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Maybe put a pause on game playing and use everyday experiences to help show/explain the importance of praising, congradulating, and being happy for some elseā€™s success. Then maybe refer back to, ā€œitā€™s just like when playing a gameā€. Then before each game remind him (or maybe he can remind you) that itā€™s ok if he doesnā€™t win. And ask, ā€œwhat are some kind things we can say to the winnerā€.

Put the games away for now since you know the outcome and let him know a date when you will play again. During this time talk about Winning and losing how it makes the others feel. Does he get anything if he wins. Maybe that is why he gets upset.

:joy::joy: this is why they have participation medals and not 1st place trophiesā€¦ If he canā€™t handle losing donā€™t play with him ā€¦ If he keeps on time out, whip him whatever form of punishment you use. :woman_shrugging:t3: Itā€™s not hard to teach kids you win some you lose some.

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Tell him having fun is what matters and you cant win them all when someone else loses just shrug it off and say aw well you win some you loose some maybe next time I will win

All we can do is let them know that life is about winning and losing. There are going to be times we win but ,also lose. If you canā€™t lose how will you get on in life. Losing doesnā€™t mean we are less of a person than who we are. I know heā€™s 5. But if you start now and every time he throws a fit tell him. Every time. Ask him when you lose what he thinks of you. Ask him what he thinks of others. Keep playing and letting him know you still love him and your proud of him for playing even though he lost.

He can understand more than you give him credit for . Have a simple but straight talk about playing games and rules and itā€™s not just about winning itā€™s about having a friend to share fun and time with and sportsmanship ā€¦. You might even start with reading a good book bet the library has something . If still persist say well you are not yet ready games we will need to put these away until you are ready to learn games are meant to be fun and entertaining .

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While teaching him to not be a sore loser, donā€™t forget to teach him to be a gracious winner.

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Keep playing and let him meltdown.

How about putting him in a team sport so he can learn teamwork and that other kids his age donā€™t have meltdowns if they lose. Donā€™t coddle your child or they wonā€™t grow up to be good adults.

For tantrums, say ā€œoh guess you have decided to a act like a two year old instead of a big boy.ā€ Pick up the game where he canā€™t throw it, and leave the room or even go outside. Put in earplugs if he follows you around screaming. Ignore him but tell him when he is able to use his words and be calm you will talk about it.

Thereā€™s a wonderful game called ā€œLife Stories.ā€ Itā€™s a cooperative game and everyone has to make it to the end to ā€œwin.ā€ Look at other cooperative vs competitive games.

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when he gets out of hand stop playing with him and take the game

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I tell my son with any gameā€¦ games are for fun. If you are not having fun then donā€™t play.

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As soon as you start winning he starts whining crying game goes away he will learn real quick

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Is your grandson a pisces lol cuz my 5 yr old pisces boy is the same way smh

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Start off by telling him that you understand his frustration then tell him that no matter if he wins or not, you will get him a treat but only if he doesnā€™t lose his cool. The point is to show him he can control himself. Obviously the treats will eventually stop when he has more control of his emotions. He will have to learn that he has to be a good sport but at 5 they are so impulsive and show their true little feelings.

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When he loses, just tell him itā€™s okay to lose. Maybe next time he would win. You canā€™t win them all. Itā€™s okay to be bummed you didnā€™t win this time. If he continues, I would put the game away and tell him that if he isnā€™t ready to play the game then you will wait. As for the cheating, I would give him a warning that if he cheats again you will stop playing. Nobody wants to play with a cheater. Follow through. He chests again, say okay I already warned you. Now itā€™s time to put it away since you canā€™t seem to play nicely.

Itā€™s okay for him to be a little upset if he loses. Itā€™s teaching him that itā€™s not the end of the world and to try again (without cheating).

While playing hungry hippos with my 4.5 year old and 2.5 year old. My 2.5 year old would be so sad and cry when he didnā€™t get the most, and I would tell itā€™s okay to be sad, maybe next time your hippo will get more! Letā€™s try again, and eventually it became less of a big deal that he didnā€™t win.

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my little grandson cried because he ā€œlostā€ I told him he came third- didnā€™t realise that was because there were three of us playing! he was quite happy with that x

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I would put all the games up and tell him why.Also tell him when he is ready to play the games like a big boy and fairly then you will bring the games back.Do not continue to feed into this behavior.

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My son does that some times . I just stop playing or say ima stop and I explain that u canā€™t win all the time its okay to lose just try againā€¦

Honestly my niece learned for me that you win some you lose some because her mom would always let her win and she would expect me to let her win and me and my niece weā€™re still have a sister type relationship where I had to be like the big sister and she still little sister so when I will when I went playfully of course not being mean teaser but now she is six and she understands that sometimes you win sometimes you lose and sheā€™s OK with it now

Natural consequences ā€¦ Next time he ask to play just say, ā€œI like playing games with you but if you start getting angry and acting out bc your losing we have to stop playingā€ and then if he acts up just stop and put the game away and ignore the tantrum that follows

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Throw the games in the bin

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A technique Iā€™ve used in schools is to let the person who needs the win have it. But there is absolutely no celebration for winning. Instead I praise the loser :smiley:. The winner will initially be a bit lost and be bragging about their win, say something like ā€œthatā€™s lovely for you Peter but look at how amazing Jane handled losing!ā€ Then itā€™s lots of happy faces about being the loser. Iā€™ve even got a best loser song :rofl:. Once winning becomes the less desirable outcome of the game he wonā€™t want it anymore. Good luck! It takes perseverance x

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My 6 & 4 years old grandkids were like this. Made me crazy. I just kept playing the games. While playing the memory game I just kept telling each one that got a match, ā€œgood job.ā€ Finally after awhile they started saying it to me and then eventually each other. I kept talking to them and explained that games arenā€™t always about winning, but spending time together. No one wants to be alone or left out. It took a lot of patience and a few hours of games to get through, but it turned out to be a huge lesson for all of us

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Board games are hard now
Because kids have electronics ā€¦. So no matter how hard keep playing .
You could be like you won the 5 year old level

Tell him everyone wants to have the feeling of winning

Or play as a team and show him how much fun you can have being a winner or loser. Then you can be like we both won or lost. But it was fun!!!

When he does this pack the game up and put him in the corner . Penny to the wall nose holds the penny to the wall. You are the adult take control. I would also take away any other type of game or toy and tell him he can regain his privileges when he can act maturely

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When he looses it just stop playing and walk away. I certainly wouldnā€™t let him win.

Lol reminds me of my mum when we was little and playing monopoly. She always threw or across room :joy::joy::joy:.

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My aunt and I would play games and she would always cheat, to let me winā€¦ I always resented that and never felt like I won fair and square even when I did win

So no one is honest with their kids any more. ā€œI donā€™t want to play with someone who is a poor sport and cheatsā€ goes along way. Yes he is 5 but he can also learn now he isnā€™t always going to win.

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Put him in soccer and save board games for older. Board games just arenā€™t fun when youā€™re little. And 5 is still little.
My daughter just started being fun to do board games with and sheā€™s a week from 8.

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Put the board games away and try with ā€˜rock paper scissorsā€™ my 5 and 4 yr old love it and understand now itā€™s a game and fun and itā€™s okay to not ā€˜winā€™.

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If my kids ask me to play I tell them no because I like to win sometimes and you guys have a fit if you lose. I donā€™t want to play with crybabies! They only act like that when they play with me not when they play at school or at a friends house.

Donā€™t play with him when he acts up .put the game away and punish him for his poor attitude!

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Robert Rueben Paraha remind you of any one lol

We explain to our now 6 yr old to shake hands st the end of the game and say good game whether you lose or win. She gets upset when she loses too. But this has helped us. We also tell her, do you think your friends would want to play with you if you act like this and get mad when you donā€™t win.

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My son is 6ā€¦ Weā€™ve been going through this particular stage for a while. We finally signed him up for basketball and things have gotten better over the last couple months. Iā€™ve noticed his episodes tend to happen when he is already tired. Puzzles have also been a pretty good alternative. Until we get down to the last few pieces and the fight is on. (He is the youngest of 5. I think he is trying to somehow be seen)

Speak with the parents. He needs to learn you donā€™t always win . If he asks you again explain games , winning and losing. You will play but if tantrums then you will do other things but not board games . Thatā€™s what Iā€™d do xxxx.

That happens with my 10 yr old. If he is winning he is happy and rubs it in your face if he is losing he accuses everyone of stealing or cheating. Itā€™s annoying. Everytime he wants to play a board game we all get a slight pain in our stomachs. Smh kids these days dunno how to be good sports. I honestly dunno how to fix it, I just wish you luck because I know how it is except your child is 5 and mine is 10, almost a preteen and still doing this

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This reminds of a time when I was 14 and my nephew was about 5. We played a game and he lost and cried a little. My sister kinda got snippy with me and told me that most adults let small children like that win. All I could think of at that time and age was ā€œshouldnā€™t he know how to lose too?ā€
Kids are hard. Iā€™d let him win a few times then show him that you donā€™t always win everything. Board games are amazing tools to teach skills like counting and colors and it gives so many memories too. Keep going. Keep dragging them out.

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I got a variety of board games for my little niece, she never plays with them or wants to know others

What happens if you change the language from ā€œlosing/lostā€ into ā€œ2nd placeā€?

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Iā€™m pretty sure this is a normal thing for kids. My son does it tooā€¦ heā€™s starting to get better now that heā€™s in school and sees that they canā€™t always win.

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Teach him NO GAME if he acts this way. Pack it up and put away for awhile. Stay calm when he throws a fit. Stay simple, state itā€™s over when he acts like that, put him in his bed for a timeout. Tell him when heā€™s calm he can cone back out.
Thatā€™s all part of learning to be a good sport. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. His strong reaction could be a part of his personality, or it could be that he use to winning simply out of this behavior being allowed. Iā€™m not saying anything bad, but stop doing that. Teaching realistic expectations will help him learn to be a good sport about it

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