I was just told by the er a couple days ago that I am pregnant, which was a complete shock. I already have 4 kids, and am so apprehensive because my last pregnancy ended in losing the baby. I feel horribly guilty because I don’t want to be pregnant, (I am against abortion for myself-so that’s not an option) and I was finally out of the baby stage with my youngest being 3. On top of this all-I have struggled with anorexia for many years and am currently in relapse. I am literally terrified right now. I feel crushed, I feel hopeless, and I feel like a horrible mother and person. What do I even do? How can I come to accept this and be okay?
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BIRTH CONTROL! Put your baby up for adoption if necessary bc there are plenty of people that would do anything for a child. Get yourself some help and go on birth control to prevent anymore unwanted pregnancies.
Have you considered open adoption?
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If you don’t believe in abortion for yourself your best bet is to adopt the baby to someone who can care for it, there is no shame in giving another couple their dream, or you could possibly learn to live this baby over time, but you should definitely discuss it with your doctor
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I think it’ll come with time, baby may be the thing you need right now
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Therapist for sure. You got this!
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What’s meant to be will be
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This isn’t for the current poster as it’s too late but ladies please start getting your tunes tied soon as you know that you are done having kids and save yourself this heartbreak!
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My youngest is also 3 and he is the youngest out of 4 as well. If you’re not willing to do anything about it, it is what it is and you may as well just accept it and be happy about it. That’s all there is to it honestly
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Look into all your other adoptions. At this point it’s finding a family or raising the child. Both are hard and some with their own pros and cons. Do what you need and what’s good for your kids
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Most of my kids were unplanned. None of them have been regrettef for 1 second. But I felt similar to you at first.
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Look at it as a blessing, this is a very special child, your rainbow baby♡
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Consider adoption. Over time you will likely be okay with it, however only you know what’s best for you 
Maybe online counseling/therapy to help you come to terms w/this !!!
Hopefully you have a supportive partner if not weigh your options & most importantly-get reliable birth control so this does not happen again !!!
Wishing you the best Mama 
Maybe look into adoption, girl, if you can’t handle another right now it would probably be best for you, the baby, and the children you have now… but if that’s not for you you are more than welcome to vent to me. I have four myself, almost 3 year old twins, almost 4 year old boy and an 8 year old with disability and it’s sometimes hard and we need someone to talk to. You are more than welcome to reach out judge free zone here and I totally understand the struggle! You’re doing a good job mommy. I would recommend considering adoption, though, you could make the baby and a nice family so happy
Hugs, I was so depressed with my last pregnancy. I had no help, no support and my grandma completely stopped talking to me. I was also homeless at the time but I got thru it. I found a place a few weeks before I had my son and once he was born, he just completed our little family.
Trust in God to show you the way…there are so many out there wanting a baby…adopting might be the answer …rest in God’s peace
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I know an amazing couple that is looking to adopt. Wolf’s adoption journey they have a fb page. If you take that route. Their names are Brittany and zack.
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Have you considered going to counseling? That might help you right now.
Adoptions a Great option I know many families waiting for placement!
Praying for you- I can’t pretend I understand your situation but I can understand the overwhelming feelings and struggle of emotions.
Be happy — you were blessed.
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Take a deep breath and look at this as a sign the god believes in you and this baby.
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I know a woman who has been struggling for years to have a baby and I know would love to adopt a baby if you take that route
First and foremost take it easy on yourself and the little one! Remember you’ll be going through insane emotions from the hormones, and excuse your urge to be perfect. Find some support in a safe place. I hope everything works out for you
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I feel you need to get counseling for your eating disorder, and learn to love yourself. Your probably a wonderful person, don’t be so hard on yourself. I wish you the best
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Adoption and I would love to give you’re baby a home open adoption also gives you the birth mom visits with child
If you can’t handle the baby then look into adoption. There are plenty of ppl in the world that can’t have kids & have lots of love to give to one
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Counseling. For a few issues.
Adoption is always a great way to go. There is so many people who want a baby and can’t have one. A blessing to everyone.
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I would highly suggest adoption since abortion is out of the question… I would also try some therapy. It sounds like you need to talk to someone so you can be the best mom you can be for the kids you already have…
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You have options mama. Talk to someone.
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Praying for the best decision for both you and your baby:pray:
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Y’all this person is entitled to any feelings they have. 
they might just be in shock and you never know every in and out of their life. BE NICE WTF
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It’s a blessing from God accept it
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you really need to talk to your therapist, I am sorry for your last loss, And after everything is done & said, Maybe have your tubes tied
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I agree with the therapy comments if you’re sure about keeping the baby and not going with adoption
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Take care of you first so you can take care of the babies you already have here. Adoption is great! There’s tons of great couples struggling to conceive. I’m happy to point you in the right direction of you need help!
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Get into therapy. Sometimes talking about what’s going on and how you feel with a professional can help you process things. I wish I had done that with my son. I was in a similar situation where I wasn’t ready but I would never be able to go through an abortion (no judgment for anyone. I’m pro choice personally not something I could do) I am now having to deal with it all 8 months pp
Honestly in 5 years from now u will hold that child n think I can’t imagine life without u abortion is horrendous I’ve been there n wish I could take it back I know it’s hard scary n all the rest but u can do this n as soon as u hold your beautiful baby u will fall in love I promise u that be strong take a breath u got this girl xx
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Just remember, there’s not 1 right way for everyone. I know what I think I would do. But that’s probably doesn’t look the same for you. Take some time to pull yourself together. When you’re ready, start with your dr and go from there.
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You bring pregnant is god’s way of helping you from the relapse
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Hugs and love. All I can suggest is, counseling for your loss and eating disorder. It has helped me tremendously.
First I’m sending love, joy, peace, and serenity to you and your unborn child.
People have given you some good options. I was adopted in 1962 and it was the best thing every to happen to me.
I’ve also had an abortion which I didn’t want and it screwed me up for 35 years.
Ask for a therapist and talk with them. I firmly believe in therapy and it works if you’re honest and willing to work on yourself.
Message me if you just need a friend and want to talk with no judgement.
First,I want you to know that,I understand bc I’m in a relapse right now as well(was diagnosed with an Ed 2 years ago)Secondly,take a few deep breaths and breath (easier said then done)I would start with therapy amd go from there.You got this.
First I’m sending love, joy, peace, and serenity to you and your unborn child.
People have given you some good options. I was adopted in 1962 and it was the best thing every to happen to me.
I’ve also had an abortion which I didn’t want and it screwed me up for 35 years.
Ask for a therapist and talk with them. I firmly believe in therapy and it works if you’re honest and willing to work on yourself.
Message me if you just need a friend and want to talk with no judgement.
If it helps I would love to take and raise ur baby… I am 44 yrs old and one of those unfortunate women that have never been able to have my own kid:cry:
… If nothing else I can at least raise this baby til u are ready whichever u prefer… I would think it’s a blessing from God because not everyone can have babies… Adoption is a good choice but at the same time it’s so hard for some people to adopt… Maybe God meant for u to have this baby and bless someone that can’t have babies!!! Please don’t let abortion even be a thought in ur mind… Hugs and prayers for u…
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Stop F****** unprotected!! I guess this is future advice. 
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Put the baby up for adoption. make some couple super happy. Open adoption if you want so you can send gifts when you feel guilty and your other kids might have a relationship with the child if they wish.
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Give ur baby to someone that can’t have kids?.. I was surprised too when I found out I was pregnant again… it is hard for me too cuz I’ve lost 3 babies (2 stillborn& 1 miscarriage) but we wanna keep our baby… this would have been our 7th baby but it’s our 4th our youngest is 9 months
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You already have kids. One more is not gonna make that much difference. You will be fine and be glad you have another in a few years later. Good luck to you
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Sending prayers but please go talk to someone
You lost a baby and also have relapsed with your battle with anorexia. You are going through a ton and I’m sure this is weighing heavily on you as well. Please speak to a therapist, weigh your options, and ONLY worry about what the best decision is for you and your mental health. 
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Go talk to a Therapist to get everything out to a non biased person to be able to wrap your head around things and come up with options and what works best for you. Also talk to the father and be open about what you’re feeling.
Don’t put yourself down. You will get through this.
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Therapy is the first step and then consider adoption if you don’t feel you can provide what the baby deserves, if your done having children consider a permanent fix.
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Take this as God’s way of saving you from yourself accept it and let it be a transformation to new beginnings.
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Ok 100 you know you could get pregnant you did nothing to prevent it yo bag you have 4 blessing you love we all know the struggle is real you going to have to put the big girl thongs on and pray for the best God don’t bring you to somthing and not see you through it you got this by the grace of God you will have a healthy baby in Jesus name Amen
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Many couples that cannot conceive would just love to raise this baby. Contact a right for life group and they will help you. Good luck. You are not a bad mother- you are just in a fix. Help someone that would love this baby.
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To all of the perfect people making judgmental comments…
Did you know condoms and birth control are not 100% effective?!
I have two children, my youngest who is almost 11 made her entrance into this world even after I took plan B. I guess she was making her way here regardless 
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I would not take the advice of “giving your baby away” or putting the child up for adoption” the child will grow up wondering why you could take care of the rest of them and not them. Your other children will wonder the same. Take it one step at a time, maybe get into therapy for your loss and for your ED. Make sure you have a support system, people to help you through the process.
I see many are suggesting adoption. I cant speak as a mother who relinquished but I can let you know how your relinquished child might feel. First i would like to say I can understand and can wrap my head around my mothers choice to relinquish just me but I don’t believe I will ever be able to wrap my heart around it.
For myself as an adoptee with kept siblings and only one relinquished is very painful. Growing up my nfam or apars never guessed I ever even thought about adoption or being adopted. I smiled, laughed, played. But I did think about it a LOT. But who can you tell? You can’t tell your Apar for fear of hurting them. You can’t tell your natural family for fear of hurting them. So some of us go along with the pretend family role play which is adoption. For myself its was feelings of hurt, guilt, shame, abandonment, rejection, bitter, worthless, frustration, jealousy and confusion and knowing she had to love me at least a pinch less or she would have parent myself like the others.
Being the “ONE” has also affected my well being, self confidence and self value. As I had children of my own it really begin to sink in as to what being the one given up really meant about me and too me. I’ve come to accept it for what it is, and know that my siblings have every right to the life they’ve lived with OUR family I just wish that they would have given me that same chance.
Adoption can be a hard lesson for your kept children also. They learn the tragic but sometimes necessary truth that OUR mothers/fathers CAN and DO give us up to total strangers. My oldest sister says she was scared and very confused by the comments saying I was given up out of love, for a better life. So while the kept wondered why they didn’t also deserve more love and better, I always wondered why I didn’t measure up to my own true families struggle. They thought I was loved more, I of course knew it had to be less.
Please what ever you do hear ALL sides. Research adoption loss, adoption trauma, how does it feels to be adopted, the increased suicide rates for mothers and children of adoption loss. If you have even the slightest reservation about giving up your baby don’t do it. Nothing says you can’t try to parent then place if you must. You are already a mother. Just stay focused on ALL of your children and creating a stable future for yourself and them.
I love my mother and she says she loves me, but adoption changes who we ALL are forever. Adoptees may have no choice but to learn to live without our mothers, but at birth SHE is our universe. I pray you and ALL your children find peace.
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I’ll be praying for you. My last pregnancy ended in a d+c because my twins basically formed into a vampire placenta (moler pregnancy). Be patient with yourself and let it sink in. You got this!
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You don’t believe in birth control either? Or maybe the pull out method? Smh get it together.
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I was the same with my last pregnancy but the minute he was put in my arms I fell in love, maybe speak to your midwife for some counselling
Prayers for you honey:heart:
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Please get the help you need for your anorexia because my 12 year old daughter struggles with this and I feel so helpless and heartbroken. If you ever need to talk, I’m here without any judgment. Your in my prayers. I’d keep my baby though, you’ll be happy you did. Hugs 
Like a few others have said, what about adoption? A friend of mine was single with two kids. She got pregnant again and decided to put the baby up for adoption. She picked a couple who had been trying for years and couldn’t get pregnant. The couple gave her $10,000 to get back on her feet and she could see the baby anytime she wanted. She ended up moving out of state to be close to her mom, but she never regretted giving up the baby to a couple who were wonderful parents.
When I got pregnant with my second son I was mortified we were not ready for another kid but I at the time could not bring myself to abort I knew I had to nurture baby inside of me so I ate good and took vitamins but I was no way as happy or comfortable as I was being pregnant with my first…then he was born and everything changed I went from not wanting this baby to him being my favorite lol it was crazy but sometimes we get in our own way emotionally due to outside shit
I am 11 weeks pregnant. I found out 6 weeks ago I was pregnant with my 2nd baby. I have a beautiful daughter of my own, and a beautiful step daughter.
When I found out I was pregnant with this baby I had so many mixed feelings. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I can’t afford another baby!? My beautiful family lives in a 2 bedroom duplex. And it’s nice for the 4 of us. But adding a baby in!? I didn’t ask for this! We are having some family issues, who doesn’t?
I was late on my period and I went to my doctor hoping there was something she could give me to jump start my period. Surprise! I’m pregnant. How is this possible!? I’m on birth control, and we use condoms. Every. Single. Time. I have many family members who say “God has a plan” but that isn’t my feelings. Abortion is not an option in my book either. Adoption would be so hard for me personally because I am a very sensitive person.
For a while it was very hard for me to accept being pregnant. I have another life I didn’t ask to be created in my hands! And I have to take responsibility. At first I was so angry! And my morning sickness almost costed me my job. I lost about 25lbs to morning sickness, but both my kids have been super supportive. To me it was so nice, but wasn’t enough. It’s something that you will find inside of you when you are ready. It may take an appointment where you hear the heart beat, or see your baby on the screen during your first ultra sound. Do not let others tell you how to feel about this pregnancy. It could even take you having the baby to make a decision. All those things are ok!
I have heard many positive adoption stories. I have friends who recently adopted their little boy and are very active in his life. I also have a friend who put a baby up for adoption, and ran away and has nothing to do with their baby.
There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first. and your family. It’s ok to have mixed feelings. It’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to feel confused. Whatever you choose, you have to be there for yourself.
And the other piece of advice I can give you is to make sure to take a prenatal everyday. Even if it isn’t for you, it’s for the life you are growing inside of you. And also, you are not alone. There’s many women out there who are just not feeling the pregnancy. Especially when they are unexpected. And it’s ok to feel these feelings. You are entitled to them.
I am sending positive thoughts and vibes for your journey. Only you can make the right decision for yourself.
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The reason ur feeling this way is because ur hormones are out of wack and also u are still dealing with ppd. This was me too. I felt a huge shock. When facing fears and dealing with nausea with anti nausea pills. It’s a blessing. It’s meant to be. You don’t believe in abortion like me .
Your afraid of losing this baby and that is the main reason u feel u can’t do this. Ur still grieving.
I recommend a emotional support group to help u through this. U also can do extra self care and ur kids are older and they will love new sibling and help with lil things that will relieve worry. Everything will come together.
Grieving loss takes a long time… now u feel like u bed to stop grieving and be happy. I know exactly how u feel.
Make a tribute to the baby u lost… I’m gonna crochet a 
blanket for the older kids I lost and feel like some days are harder than others but crying does help. It’s ok… u will have love for all of them:purple_heart:
Lots of really shitty comments here.
I suggest seeking therapy to help you with the anorexia - to work on your personal health (mental and physical). And possibly also deal with overcoming the fear you undoubtedly have after your last experience.
I wish you well.
Don’t walk, run to a therapist who works with anorexia. Not eating could harm the baby and possibly cause you to loose it. In addition to talking about your anorexia, talk about your feelings about the baby. Talk to your husband and request help from him or ask him to hire someone to help you temporarily.
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Talk to a therapist. The only thing worse for a child to be unwanted is a mother who lets those feelings show. Since you are apparently pro-birth, you need to make some hard decisions about a plan for this child. Keep it, put it up for adoption, whatever you do, you need professional help to sort out your feelings about it
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Find a church or a pregnancy center. You need support through this.
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I was t expecting my 4th child but it happened and she’s here and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Your baby has a purpose even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.
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Praying for you mama❤️
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Personally I would just do my best to have a healthy pregnancy. I don’t do much anyway that’s not pregnancy safe in my everyday living anyway. I have 6 living and 2 angels. I lost one 2018 at 35w6d due to placenta abruption and almost died. Had my rainbow 2020 then lost my last baby Dec 2021 at 21w 4d placenta abruption again. Also almost losing my life. I would still do it if I found out I was pregnant but I am on birth control trying to prevent it from happening again too soon.
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Get yourself some help with counseling or therapy and give yourself time , you have four and have lost one (which is always on your mind) but think happy and positive thoughts 
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Lots and lots of therapy and support.
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To take care of your children you need to take care of yourself first… your kids could learn that anorexia is normal and chances are one of them will go through the same… I’m rooting for you!
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I think personally your just in shock and it’s bad timing for you. However don’t lose hope. Get some counseling you can so this just take it one day at a time.
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Get treatment if at all possible for the eating disorder. Go from there.
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You need medical help.seek it get it.
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You need help and support! Get it!
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Therapist, speak with your dr. Keeping it all in will make things worse.
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Yes you need to talk to your doctor ,
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I knew someone who adopted her last baby… I mean there are options…just take one day at a time. I had two babies and my last was a surprise…but she’s amazing there’s an age gap but her older sister helped a lot. It’s hard, when mentally your not in this. Talk to a therapist or trusted person.
I got pregnant, shortly after having my daughter. I gave birth 2 weeks after her 1st birthday. I never accepted the pregnancy. It was hard, extremely hard. I never accepted anything, I got excited, but I was never thrilled other than the fact he was a boy. It took my having him, to accept him. Sounds awful. I’m against abortion & adoption also. But let me tell you. It’s been a few weeks, and I love my son. Yes, restarting over, especially with a 1 year old, is hard. We’ve found a nice routine that world for us at night and we just go with the flow during the day. Nothing is ever easy, I also have a 3 year old. Life pretty crazy, but I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world. You’ve got this. You’ll be a great mom. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. It’s hard. But you got this. Take it one day at a time. & nobody says you have to love being pregnant, or love your baby. I didn’t love my son, truly, til I had him. Same with my daughter. They’re my whole world, just because you don’t love them in your belly, doesn’t always mean you’ll be a bad mom.
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Stop thinking. Take a step back take in a deep breath. And get with your doctor to help you process an make a decision lab to help you get through this pregnancy in a healthy an safe manner so you can get excited.
trust me i was like with my 4th child i didnt want another baby at all but as soon as he was born I adored him and i still do he is now 3 and i had 1 more kid and my life is pretty hecctic but so full of love
You are allowed to get an abortion. Mother’s health mentally, physically, emotionally comes first. If you don’t want to, you can put up for adoption and make an infertile couple’s world!
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U can give it to me … i will never get to have grandchildren .
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You need support… Go get it
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You were meant to be that baby’s Mommy. It’s a gift, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You got this Momma
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There was 7 years between my boy, and my last pregnancy, I was 6 months pregnant and up ladders in my hallway, and walking the plank, talking to my stress therapist, he said, you need to prepare for this baby, I thought , how did you know?? He said I want you to go through all your baby stuff and prepare a hospital bag, I didn’t feel pregnant, I had shut off or closed off in my mind, he was right, I had not accepted, in a few months I had to prepare for this baby. Do you know what, she was such a good baby, slept through the night, pretty quickly, and had a head full of hair. She was a gift, walking early at ten months, it didn’t look right, she was like a doll.
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You will be fine i had 6 years between my last 1 was 6 an when she was born in a ambulance on the way to hospital was over fast , was my 4 th child eldest was 11 Just be happy with a healthy baby … TAKE CARE… 
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One day at a time. One hour at a time. Think of the baby as a surprise instead of an accident. Concentrate on trying to eat healthy, try not to focus on body image. Try to focus on healthy food. Protein, healthy carbs, and fruits and vegetables. Try to think of this baby as a little person who needs a home. Who needs YOU. This is a little person coming to join your family. I know it’s going to be hard to go through the baby stage again. But you can do it. If you can, you need to try to get into counseling. Maybe your health insurance will pick it up. That should help you. Try to bond especially close with all your kids. You can be of immense help to each other. Talking out problems, sharing solutions, reassuring each other. It really helps. Hang in there.
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Please please talk to you therapist if you have one due to your anorexia if you’ve relapsed sweetie. SO important!! Love & Prayers you find guidance.
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I was very upset when I found out I was pregnant with my son. My daughter just turned 5 months. I cried for days. I know it’s not the same thing but now I wouldn’t change it for the world. This baby might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Or you can consider adoption. Hope the best for you mama hang in there❤️
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