How can I announce my pregnant without hurting my brothers wife feelings? she has been struggling to get pregnant for years and i dont want to be insensitive toward her…how should i do this while not hurting her?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I announce my pregnancy without hurting my brothers wife?
She’s going to hurt no matter how you do it
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Talk to her. Include her. Show her you care and understand her struggle and allow her to join in on the joy.
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Talk to your brother. Let him know and ask him what the best way to proceed. From personal experience (I was in the same boat as you, but my best friend had been struggling) she would still be happy for you, but sad for herself.
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I would tell her personally alone and let her know you love her and don’t want to hurt her tbh.
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You are a good hearted person however your joy cannot be dismissed due to her challenge.
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You don’t need to tiptoe around her infertility.
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As someone who struggles to conceive and has 4 sisters who all are able I find it’s better to be honest and tell her when you tell everyone else, it feels like your top word around and that’s the worst part, I’ve never been upset with them or the kids as it’s not their fault
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Unfortunatly, No Matter what you do she will hurt, i wouldn’t take it personally as she will feel the pain whenever she sees or hears someones pregnant.
If you want to ease her into it, maybe tell her first on her own.
Unltamitly as harsh as this sounds you shouldn’t put her feelings above your excitment. Your not responsible for her stuggling to concieve.
Just be sensetive and understanding around her.
You might find shes overjoyed at having a niece or nephew.
Also congratulations xxx
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I would just simple talk to HER first. Tell her that you are heartbroken bc you know that she has tried so long to convince, tell her to never stop trying, tell her you are pregnant and hope it doesn’t hurt her more. Maybe ask her to be the God Mother?
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Announce it by asking her to be the god mom ? If you feel like she’d fit that role .
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Speak to her first so it’s not a surprise to her . Let her know you are sorry she is having problems but also ask her to please try and be happy for us too.
I appreciate you care about her feelings. But don’t hide your growth and happiness because of it. This is a huge milestone. As a woman wanting to have kids herself, she should be happy. Even if it’s a sensitive subject. Congrats to you!
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My old boss got pregnant right after I had a miscarriage. She tried to hide it from me and honestly that hurt the worst when I found out. She finally came around and told me. She hugged me while I cried and included me in everything that had to do with the baby from names, the shower to the birth. I would pull her aside and tell her first. Let her cry if need be and comfort her then do your announcements. It hurts no matter what but if she loves you she will be happy for you
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I would try to make telling her special and tell her how excited you are she’s going to be an auntie, but don’t let telling her be a public event
It is what it is. She’s going to be upset no matter how or when you tell her … simply for her own grief of not being able to get pregnant. But that doesn’t mean she can’t be happy for you. Respect her grief, but include her.
This is one of those situations where your brain tells you one thing, but your heart tells you something else. You want to be happy & share your excitement, but not at the expense of her feelings. Yet she knows that other people’s lives need to move forward, even if hers seems to be standing still. It will take her some time, but she will come around to being happy for you … even if she has a hard time working through her own sadness.
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I would go to her first and have a nice chat and let her know gently! That way she’s not as shocked when it does get announced and she can somewhat know how to react
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If I were in your shoes I would personally talk to her first before announcing to anyone else
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Ask her to be part of it… are you close? Would you choose her as a godmother? If so, incorporate it with the announcement to her 
Keep in mind. Although her situation is sad… this is suppose to be your time, you need to be able to be happy also. You shouldn’t feel guilty or worried about others when this is such a big deal for you 
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There is no easy way to tell her, so just tell her when you tell everyone else. She is going to be upset no matter how you do it. Congrats BTW.
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She will hurt no matter what… but… personal note ahead of announcement would be thoughtful.
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Tell her privately before announcing it in a group. Maybe even over text message. Give her the grace to fall apart in private if she needs to so that she can rebuild her walls when you announce in public. She will be hurting but she will also be happy for you. Once the initial shock has worn off, ask her what she needs-does she need to separate herself some from everything baby related? Or has she deep dived into baby research and would love to help you make your registry? Also, limit complaining about your pregnancy to her if you can. I promise you she would probably give her left leg to have morning sickness, back pain, and stretch marks. Congrats on your pregnancy and it’s very thoughtful of you to consider her feelings.
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Firstly congratulations.
Secondly I applaud you for being considerate of her feelings.
This is your special time too! Enjoy it♥️
I would speak to her privately before announcing it so it’s not a massive shock to her.
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Talk to her first before you make a more public announcement.
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I don’t think there’s an easy way to avoid that, if any. I would just say make the announcement like normal, and if she brings it up to you then I suppose you both could talk about it. Let her know you support her (assuming you’re on good terms), and don’t forget to take care of your own emotional/mental well being as well.
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i mean her feelings gon get hurt either way… personally, i opt out of (IMO attention seeking) announcements & go with the flow.
Tell her first, just the two of you
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Don’t worry about what others may think or how others may feel.
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Tell her first in privacy out of respect.
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Tell her first, comfort her and tell her you understand if she needs time to process. Ask her how much involvement she wants with the pregnancy
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I know how that feels.My ex sister-in-law had lost 3 and was struggling again to get pregnant.They had their nursery all set up and everything.I was new to the family and pregnant within 3 months.We told her privately and she gave us her cot,car seat and a heap of other stuff.I know she was sad but happy for us.
Tell her just the 3 of you not with the rest of the family so she can have a chance to digest it without everyone else there
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She may be happy for you…
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Name her God mother and name the baby after her
Being a woman struggling with infertility and struggling to conceive tell her in private face to face. Let her know your doing it because you don’t want to hurt her. Ask her to be involved maybe. You could even ask her to be the baby’s godmother. It will mean more to her if you did tell her privately so if she breaks down it’s not in front of everyone
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Let her know she’s going to be an auntie. Maybe give it a positive spin & say there’s baby dust in the air & that you hope she gets some because you know how hard she has been trying.
If she loves you she won’t be upset with you. It might bring up feelings for her but she can’t be upset that you got pregnant people get pregnant every day. I would just try to be positive about it.
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As the person who was struggling with infertility (7 years no luck, my ivf baby is now 5 weeks old!) Tell her in private first. I had it happen both ways and it was always really hard to hold myself together in public.
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I agree with Kim, tell her one on one, she will probably be upset, but, she’ll come around hun. Been there, done that, but please, don’t feel guilty for being blessed with a bub, enjoy every minute. Hopefully, she’ll be in the same boat soon.
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Tell her privately and then include her as much as you are comfortable with💕
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Sure hope this was accidental because anyone who’s dealt with any kinda fertility struggles knows this is a real issue and laughing about it makes you look like a real fuckin ässholé
Tell her first in private but, bring icecream and let her know that she can express any emotions that she has.
Talk to her. Use it as a bonding experience. Also give her a heads up when you plan to tell the rest of the family and ask if she wants to be apart of setting it up or not involved. Take her lead with it I guess.
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God bless you for being empathetic but you get this announcement once. Maybe have a get together and dont invite her
So you dont have to worry about someones feelings.
Maybe tell everyone separately and not all together so you won’t make her feel uncomfortable.
I know your excited but you need to be sensitive to her feelings
I agree with the comments saying to tell her privately before announcing. Tell her that you want to be respectful of her feelings, and didn’t want her to be blindsided by the announcement.
After that… while you shouldn’t flaunt it or brag about it around her, you’re absolutely allowed to enjoy the attention you’ll get from other family members. Just don’t call attention to her situation in those moments; it will make her feel more awkward and alienated.
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Let me just say this. No matter what she will feel some type of way. As someone who have a hard time keeping my pregnancies it was hard when i will see pregnancy announcements. I will feel angry, jealous, hurt and sad to the point it made me depressed. She will most likely experience such feelings but don’t let her situation from stopping you enjoying your pregnancy. You have the right to feel happy and celebrate because this moments fly so fast. Is okay for her to experience such feelings is a process for her to process her emotions. Just be honest with her, be emphatically to her and validate her feelings.
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I would have him tell her personally, then, when she sees you, she will have already had personal time to have processed some possible feelings and emotions, and can then feel supportive and excited for you both. Xo
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I would tell her in private I’ve miscarried 4 before my 11-year-old and when my youngest passed away at 5 months and 7 Days of COPD and I couldn’t stand being around people with kids that were his age shortly after he passed for like a year and a half two years and he’ll be gone 4 years in March. I’m currently pregnant with my little girl and I have less than 3 weeks to go.
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I’m sure she will be happy for you, talk to her. Her struggle probably won’t interfere with her happiness for you.
First , it’s NOT your fault that she can’t get pregnant, it’s really nice that you are worry about her reaction/ feelings but getting pregnant for the first time is something that you will not celebrate/ experience twice, so enjoy , celebrate and share your pregnancy as much as you want .
Because you are unsure about her reaction. I do agree with most comments about letting her know privately first , take it out of your system and enjoy 
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If it’s meant for her to get pregnant. She will. But this is your pregnancy. Enjoy it. She might get excited for you.
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I became pregnant accidentally with no.2 while my sister n law was trying and struggling.
Mother n law found out and asked me to keep it quiet.
Tell you what. I was unexpectedly fuckin hurt. Like My child was a secret. You do you ! Celebrate this baby! Like the celebration they are!
They would be if the tables were turned.
But talk to them first, before any huge announcement.
You can’t… I lived this… I miscarried the day before my niece was born. I finally had a viable pregnancy 2 yrs later. It was hell. I didn’t tell anyone, bc of the timing.
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Tell her first 
buy the baby a I have the best Aunty onsie or I love my Aunty. Get her some flowers and tell her his you feel x
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Tell her privately before announcing it to everyone else.
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It’s going to hurt regardless. So sweet of you to think of her but please dont let it dampen your happy news. You can always pull her aside before announcing it in front of everyone and tell her. Also let her know that facebook has a ivf support group that has a lot of helpful info and support for women struggling with infertility issues.
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l Get paid over $109 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $14558 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Like it matters she will know loads of people who have had kids or trying to have kids just because she struggling doesn’t mean everyone else she pussy foot around her me and my partner struggled for 7 years had even started the ivf process when we found out my partner was pregnant we knew loads of people who got pregnant and had a child we didn’t let other people’s lives effect ours celebrate being pregnant how ever you want if she doesn’t like it then it’s her issue to resolve you shouldn’t feel like you can’t celebrate cause of 1 persons feelings the way you should deal with it is if you where in her position would she do the same would she be on fb asking for advise if you where to tell her privately would she of Done the same to you if you did tell her privately would she keep it to herself until you announce it to others or would she make it about her and not being able to get pregnant treat others how they treat you is the best way to go about it
Tell your sister-in-law personally before telling anyone else
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Don’t have a big reveal etc about it, just quietly tell people like we did back in the day.
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Go talk to her first and tell her you wanted to tell her personally before anyone else.
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There’s really no way to soften the blow. But if you’re THAT worried about her feelings she must be a pretty nice girl. I’m sure she’ll be happy for you! but I definitely wouldn’t “rub it in” everytime you’re around her, but as far as social media goes if she doesn’t want to see your posts she can always unfollow. Share and celebrate all you want
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My sister in luv was faced with the same situation…it took 8 years before I got pregnant 
but I was still happy for her with her 3 children in those 8 yrs. I’d say tell her privately then announce it to the rest of the family members.
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Tell her privately before announcing it to everyone else. So sweet of you to be mindful of her situation.
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Tell her personally and se sensitively.
I think it’s really sweet that you’re thinking of her feelings, shows your heart! I would take her to lunch and tell her first before everyone else 
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I would talk to her privately before you announce the news, just as a little courtesy to her. Maybe at a lunch or coffee date. But otherwise you shouldn’t have to downplay or miss your big news. Congrats 
As someone who has been in her shoes before tell her personally alone a few days prior to you telling anyone else so she has time to grieve the process and she will come around after she has a few days to cope
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l Get paid over $109 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $14558 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Go to This. https://MoneyLooper81.pages.dev/
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Tell her personally one on one. I’ve struggled for 10 years now. While I’m still over the moon when someone else is pregnant it’s still a reminder of what my body refuses to do and there will always be a sting. However, that should never damper your joy and excitement for your pregnancy and baby to come. Some of us who have struggled may actually surprise you with our joy for you because we understand just how hard coming by that kind a pure joy can be.
I would refrain from telling her how easy it was “it was just a oops, we weren’t even trying” (assuming it was easy for you) those statements can be hurtful even though not intentionally.
Just because something you have is something someone else wants and can’t get doesn’t mean you should ever hide it or feel bad about it. While you can have empathy for her she can have excitement and joy for you. She’ll probably be the best auntie too.
I seen a comment earlier saying gift her a onesie… Me personally I would not do that or want that. To open a gift of a baby item when that all you want can hurt pretty bad. She probably wouldn’t tell you that and you probably wouldn’t see the pain because she’s learned to hide it but I promise it would be there.
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You guys should tell her first alone and ask her how to go about it. She will feel special that you wanted her to know first & hopefully will make her feel safe to say hey this specific thing hurts me.
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It’s going to hurt her regardless, keep it low key and maybe break it to her first.
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You announce it however you want. Your life doesnt go on hold for the feelings of others. However if you are close to her then tell her in private before others. She will be upset no matter what.
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Take her privately and tell her how you feel and that you are supportive of her.but don’t let it take your happiness.
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Over lunch or coffee🙂 that is really sweet of you thinking about her❤️
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Just do it. She’s going to hurt no matter what, sadly
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I have no clue
Just wanted to say that you are such a wonderful caring sister in law. Congratulations on the pregnancy
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l Get paid over $109 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $14558 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Go to This. https://MoneyLooper97.pages.dev/
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If she’s been trying for years, you likely aren’t the first person close to her to get pregnant. I struggled for years, and it was always tough to hear others were having babies, but you are allowed to share that news because it’s exciting for you! I’d tell her one on one, not in a big family announcement, but otherwise I wouldn’t stress.
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Tell her one on one , but you can’t dull your happiness for others even news about being pregnant. Most women that struggle to get pregnant are happy for the ones that can’t with an exception of those that shouldn’t be mothers that see kids as money makers they want to save those kids.
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Tell her she dodged the bullet😂
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She should be happy for you.
You sound like a very sweet sister in law. I would tell her privately 1st.
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There is no way u announce it and be happy about it and she will be sad but also happy I know I’ve been there
I would tell her privately first. Just talked to her. Then you can announce it to the rest of the family
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Point blank her woes are not your responsibility. Yes it sucks for her but don’t dull your happy moment because she can’t have the same right now. If you have to walk on eggshells about it I’m sorry. Your baby deserves to be announced as you see fit no matter what. Be happy and enjoy. Her time will come when it’s meant to.
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just announce to every one
I struggled and ended up needing IVF. Tell her privately… she will be happy for you, but hurt for herself. No avoiding that. Telling her at the same time as everyone else makes it so much harder on her. Congratulations on your pregnancy 
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Coming from someone who struggled with infertility, I want to applaud you for thinking of her. It will sting a bit no matter how you tell her, but it is wonderful that you are considering her feelings. I think the best thing to do is to tell her first somewhere semi-private or over the phones (not text) so that if she doesn’t take it well she doesn’t feel like the whole world is looking at her. You can even acknowledge her struggle and let her know how excited you are for her to be your baby’s aunt. I would do this just before you announce to whomever is important to you in case she is really immature so she cannot spoil it for you. It is great you are thinking of her, but this is also a big moment for you! Congratulations!
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I would speak to her privately prior to going public. I think it would be more hurtful to find out through a public/mass announcement than a personal conversation.
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You are an awesome and thoughtful sister in law! I am sure that fact is not lost on her and that she would appreciate being told about your pregnancy prior to the general announcement. I am also sure that she will be happy for you while being sad for her situation. Good luck to you both!
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It’s your time. It’s not HER time yet. Go ahead and have a coffee or brunch date. Share your news. I’m sure she will be very happy for you, even though it might sting a little. She will be ok.
Tell her first…it gives her time to soak it in and not be blindsided when you tell everyone else.
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I’m sorry to say but no matter what you do she will have sadness she isn’t pregnant but that doesn’t mean she won’t be happy for you. You are an amazing woman and being so caring, I wish more were like you.
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Enjoy yourself and just be respectful
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As one woman who struggled to have kids… it hurts for awhile but we learn to accept and move forward. Don’t stress about her feelings to much. This should be a happy moment for you. Pull her aside privately and tell her. Maybe include her in a bigger announcement and let her plan the shower for you or with you. Make it about all of you if it helps heal your heart. Just be open and honest with her.
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Tell her first in private. Let her know you are doing the announcement on x date…it will help her.
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I would definitely tell her before posting on social media!!
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Speak to her and him alone first before you announce it to everyone. It will make a difference. Also know that she will feel sad and jealous sometimes and that’s ok. It’s nothing personal and I’m sure she will still be happy for you while mourning for herself…
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Honestly if she is going to be hurt by your announcement, no amount of kindness is going to take the sting away. Just be kind and respectful. If you are close enough, maybe tell her first so she has some time to process it, but don’t go out of your comfort zone for someone else, stress on the baby isn’t worth it.
If she has been having this struggle for awhile she should be able to process you having your own baby, and that other people may have babies before them. This is YOUR time. Be happy about it. Don’t step on egg shells and let someone take the happiness of this amazing life event.
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