I’ve left my ex due to dv behavior.I really struggle to stay away and always a sucker for his empty promises and the I wont do it again I’ve changed, I’ve broke free again and I really really wanna stay away start fresh move on from the situation I know I can and way better off without him pretty much looking for advice if you have been through it what helped you the most, I love him so much but he has no respect or love for me obviously or he wouldn’t treat me the way he dose.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I break free from my ex for good?
Only you can make the decision to stop the self destruction behavior. Get a therapist
Start loving yourself so u don’t want his crap
There will someone who will LO)VE YOU !!
Each time you feel like being with him take the time to read your post.
Blick him from everything and take it day by day. The kore uou focus on missing him the more you’ll keep going back to him. Talk to your individual therapist about how you can cope
You need to see a dv councillor to help you through it.
If you really are ready, reach out to a shelter in your area. They can get you started. Please don’t wait til it is too late. I’m glad you are seeking help this early. Text me and I can put you in touch with help. Even if it isn’t today.
I got a PO on my my ex & it has honestly helped me. Because I know I can’t talk to him, so if forces me not to. It has helped a lot in my healing process & I have been feeling much better.
Block him on every single platform possible. Change your number.
Best thing to do is break off all contact and never look back no matter how much you love him no phone calls no text no visits nothing at all
It’s a cycle and you have to break that no matter how hard it is. Just think how peaceful you are feeling right now and remember how bad it gets when it’s bad. Abusers do not change and you give them more power the more you go back. You deserve better, and you’ll never find that staying with this guy. It gets better, I promise. I’ve been there.
Replay the bad memories over and over. When good memories pop in your mind it’s ok to mourn n remember but don’t dwell. Keep the reason you left as the memory you keep of that person.
Get pissed and stay that way. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can be friends. Don’t text, call, look on social media, etc. You DO NOT deserve to be a punching bag.
What i did was write a letter stating the bad things hes said to me including raping me and things hes done to me. Cuz even after all that i still loved the dude. So what ibdid was everytime i felt myself missing him thinking about him or wanting to say i love you to him i would pull out that letter and read it. That letter saved my life
Hang with friends and family, block him on everything, keep yourself busy so your mind isn’t thinking about him. Go out have fun with people that don’t hang with him so you aren’t getting have you talked to him or seen him and things like that. It will take time but be strong and remember you are better then that.
Turn off all ways to reach you, it hurts but Do It, keep busy and NEVER ANSWER HIM, EVER, YOU WILL PERSEVERE
Get a hobby to keep your mind off him. And when you find yourself missing him or thinking about him, call him a fucking asshole in your head and think about something else. Mine was decades before social media, so at least I didn’t have to deal with blocking him on all platforms. Just hanging up on him.
I am disabled because of taking my abusive ex back, 20 years of chronic pain from the injuries he caused. Ask yourself what quality does he have that can’t be replaced, and seek DV counseling before giving in.
Don’t fall for his shit. Grow a pair and bail, FOR GOOD. Block, delete and run for the hills.
Don’t look back.
Know your worth.
I had to tell myself that I didn’t want my son growing up thinking it was ok to treat women like that and every promise made I reminded myself of all the times i sat alone in the bedroom crying because of something he did or said or how bad he made me feel about myself at times
I am literally going thru this right now. I am taking care of me and my children. I have put all access to me from him on silent. I answer texts but will not talk to him because we have a child with him. If you don’t cut off all communication.
What helped me the most was my mom when she came to me and said “do you want to live like this for the rest of your life, because if you stay this IS YOUR LIFE and not just yours but your kids lives too ” it scared me so bad thinking my life would be like that forever. I’ve been separated from him for 9 years, married to my husband of 8 years with two kids, he’s amazing. I left and got diagnosed with ptsd, extreme anxiety and depression from that relationship. It’s wasn’t easy, but every single day i know it was worth it. It’s worth it for you, you deserve to be happy and loved correctly. I’m on the other side of this. And I’ve never regretted it. Ever. He moved on, got married and had a kid. This woman reached out to me and said she is now in therapy due to his abuse as well. His current girlfriend 9 years later is now dealing with what’s e all did. He hasn’t changed. He hasn’t stopped. He never will. I’m sorry. I really am. You can love him, but you need to love yourself more. You deserve that.
I had to start fresh on everything. Got a new phone number, new job, new apartment and blocked him on every social media platform. When he reached out through other means on platforms I ignored it.
You don’t understand how relieved and happy and free you will feel moving forward and starting fresh. It’s so scary at first then it’s amazing! I went to an amazing dv shelter they got me out of where I was into safe accommodation and 2 months later my own house which my children are thriving in and so am I. I used to run back for like 7 years now I’m free and I couldn’t be happier xxxx
Counseling is a good option… block him.on everything delete the number. Have your heartbreak moment amd work on you. Make friends and either one of those will grow or eventually you’ll decide when you wanna see someone new
1st. Stop lying to yourself. You make up ideas of who he can be to you and you live off that false hope that someday he will realize how good you are and treat you better. It’s a lie you tell yourself. Stop! You deserve better.
2nd. Stop worrying about who he will be with after you. A lot of people stay in toxic relationships because they have this idea that their partner will move on and treat someone better and jealousy sinks in. Stop. Who cares what he does after you. You need to focus on yourself and your goals in life… not him or his future. Fuck him!
3rd. Stop being emotionally dependent on people. When someone says they are independent… this includes emotional independence. Learn to love yourself and stop waiting for approval or validation from other people. TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK. OWN IT! LOVE YOU because YOU deserve the love you waste on him! Give that love to yourself!!!
4th. Stop fearing the unknown (the future). You have choices. You have the freewill to create the life you want. Don’t allow anyone to take that from you. I get it… its not easy… it will get hard sometimes…but I promise you… ITS GONNA BE WORTH IT MORE THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE!
5th. REMEMBER, Some bad things that happen in life… it happens because 1 you allow it. 2 you enable it. 3 you support it. Or 4 you’re doing it to yourself. Start being responsible for yourself, your decisions, your choices and YOUR HAPPINESS. It’s no one else’s responsibility to keep you happy and its not your duty to do that for anyone either. You owe this to YOU!
You will do great without him! Trust yourself! Trust the process!!! Its gonna be okay and someday you may be saving women who are in the same shoes. You need to stay away from him… and stay alive. Keep going!!! Don’t move backwards…ever!
If there’s no kids involved
Go exploring the states
Your gut and heart will tell when it’s the right place
Don’t rush into dating
Take time to heal and get to know the old you and the new you
Get a new number
If he’s on Facebook block him no matter what
On any social network you guys maybe on
Change your rountine up and always pay attention to your surroundings
If something feels off do what your guys tell ya and get in some form of defense classes
People say this is too much
But it gets you to move on and heal and possibly out of danger
If they’re kids involved that’s whole different ball game
Start dating someone else.
You don’t really love someone who abuses you . You may think it’s love , but it’s not . Once you build your self esteem and self worth again , you will never desire to be with him
Or anyone like him again
I had a broken nose, broken ribs, jaw, and eye socket. I left many times. It always escalated and I stayed gone because I was a role model for our children, I didn’t want them to live that life. You’re not stupid, once they cross that line…… you have to value yourself and your kids more
Block him in every way. Anytime you feel like contacting him or unblocking him or start missing him just think about everything he has put you through. Then think of the life you deserve and what makes you happy. And most importantly, find a dv counselor. You can call a dv shelter and get advice and help from them. Spend time with people that love you and make new happy memories with them. Good luck.
Block him. When you get to missing him think about the bad stuff he did or said. Don’t go back though. No matter what it takes. Find a friend or family member to talk to when you get to feeling down or lonely or missing him. Just never go back.
The fact that I knew it could only take “one more time” of going back for him to actually kill me like he always told me he would. I dealt with abuse from 15-20… Luckily I finally realized what I was doing to myself, what I deserved and that abuse doesn’t get better. Every time you take them back, you’re closer and closer to being laid in your casket… If I wouldn’t have left for good, I never would’ve had my 3 beautiful baby boys, I’d not had grown mentally or emotionally. The feeling of being free is so peaceful. You deserve better!
My Mamaw got killed by her husband in 2008. She had left multiple times but always went back… August 30th, she packed her stuff to “leave him for good”… She made it out the door but in a body bag. That woman was like my second mom… That was painful. He never got charged with any of it even though he admitted he’d got away with murder before and he could do it again. So he’s still out there, abusing other women.
I’m 28 now. Been free for 8 years from my own abuser. But guess what? I lost my mom June 18th, 2019… Wanna know how? Her boyfriend killed her… It’s been 3 years and we’re still going to court but it’s on hold right now because there’s a Rhoden murder case going on right now they had to put first before finishing moms case.
It’s the cold hard truth… If you keep going back and do not see your worth, you are literally making your route to your grave even faster. Every abuser will eventually kill their victim. It’s not a game. Don’t stick around to find out, please! I’m thinking of you!!
Victims are murdered every single day, for the soft hearted who don’t leave and hide. My abuser died in January of 2021, and I still cover my digital footprints because I don’t know how to live otherwise. I made peace with his death as best I could but after actively hiding for as long as I had to…it’s hard to go back to normal
I didn’t get free til he was finally put in jail for numerous assualts and breaching my protection and non contact orders.
If you truely want to be free and safe the first thing you need to do is take steps to protect yourself. Leaving is the most dangerous time, especially when you’re determined to really leave them. Get yourself a protection from abuse/restraining order/ AVO whatever it’s called where you live and go from there.
It’s worth it to be free and safe I promise.
Support groups and therapy, you’re gonna have to really work on yourself. Wish you the best
My mom’s reaction to this day, with me covered in blood and put in ICU… People never change… before something like this… Please just do your best. That feeling will be there no matter what… Do for you and your babies. Wipe away the tears sweetie… It gets easier, but never leaves your mind. Respect yourself… He never will… I’m sorry big hugs … You GOT this!!!
I broke free after 15 years of abuse just know that u deserve better and u can find better no matter what they say block them and when u deeply want to run to them don’t you think of all the bad things they put u through and u tell urself no u won’t go through it anymore please don’t go back I git out of mi e but alot of people don’t and unfortunately my aunt and a cousin of mine was 2 that didn’t and ended up losing their life please please please don’t go back
Kim Saeed has a lot of good advice on how to get through situations like this and how to heal.
Domestic Violence support groups helped me so very much I stayed for almost 20 years I’ve now been gone almost 8 years and this past year has by far been the best year of my life you can do it stay strong and block all contact
I left my ex husband and cut him off completely. We have kids so anything at all to do with them had to wait for court and a mediator. No contact helped a ton because of course the promises to do better and quit drinking etc etc etc were all too familiar. It took me almost 12 years to finally get out and stay out. Not hearing his crap and lies and empty promises is what really did it. Block dude and keep him blocked. If anyone brings him up in conversation, tell them you don’t want to hear about him at all. Cut off any friends that try talking to you in his behalf, especially if they know the situation. I had some long term friends I no longer speak with because they tried getting me to go back. He contacted everyone on my friends list to try getting me to talk with him. And this is bringing up all the memories so sorry this is so long but for sure, zero contact even through friends. It’s not easy but you’ll sleep so much better and be able to finally breath. You can do it
Get under someone else; stop letting them take that from you. Go be you and enjoy life. Stop linking yourself to them. Cut the cord. I know it’s not easy but it’s a must do; to get you back. If you want your life back!
Very well you could have a trauma bond with him and those are hard to break but my advice is to learn to love yourself to know that you deserve better than that. Love yourself to the point where you won’t settle for any less than what you deserve.
There is an app I am sober and you can customize it. I didn’t it from my person whose my drug. I know it’s unhealthy and deserve more hard to walk away from.
As long as you love him, you won’t ever be able to just walk away. Work on loving yourself first. When that happens, then you can look in the rear view mirror to tell him to kiss your ass.
Today marks 6 years free for me! It is so hard. But just cut him off. Literally in every aspect. And keep in mind… you are worth more than that. Someone will come along and cherish you for who you are and not who they want you to be!
Good on you for being strong and looking after yourself.
You deserve better
New faces, new places, & new things. Start good habits, that’s the best way to break bad patterns. You need to let go of the past in order to make room for your present & your beautiful future. Best wishes to you. I don’t know you but everyone deserves a great life.
& a partner that you don’t have to fear.
No contact as much as possible. It is soooo hard. I know. It is to the point with mine even my attorney fears for my safety and told me never to go back and is helping me file things to put protections in order
Sometimes you can love someone with every fiber of who you are and not be able to be with them because they are toxic, abusive, non respectful of boundaries, or just not good for you. I question if you really love who he actually is or love the person you wish he was.
I’m sure your individual therapist can help you unravel this enmeshment and codependency
Block and delete everything… Do not answer his calls 9r messages
Go completely no contact
I wouldn’t delete anything that could be useful in court or for obtaining a PFA
Cut all contact, act on protection orders, any breachs report report report! Change your number so he can’t ring, text etc block on all social media. Move if you can. Do not contact what’s so ever. He turns up all sory and shit I don’t care fucken report his arse. By allowing him back your enabling him your telling him it’s alright to behave how he is shit will only escalate. Please walk cut contact, it never gets better you need to walk before it does get worse you deserve so much better, I know it’s hard but please protect yourself. There will come a time you realize you don’t love him you loved what he pretended to be at the beginning you loved what he could have been but u don’t actually love the monster he really is.
Just let him go and move on there is someone better and don’t look back been there done that with all the promises one had said to me but broke them so when he put me out for the last time I was happy abuse isn’t good weither it be verbal or physical abuse
A girl not too far from me, 3 hours, was just murdered by a man who was let go after 90 days in jail this past einter for assaulting a woman he lived with around here. She was Cree and trying to better her life. This POS advertised for a roommate and she died after being raped 72 hours after she arrived. The ex girlfriend was telling everyone about his dv and not much was done. Meanwhile a 22 year old young lady is dead.
DV isnt a game. It only gets worse. Leave now.
When ever you get the feeling of wanting to go back, remind yourself of his hurt, his disrespect.
Move, (as far as possible) delete your Fb/ social media etc, start over with a changed name on social media, one they would never guess. Change your number, do not add any contacts that you have mutually or that could even possibly maybe betray you. If
Change your number and move on. Just dont answer the calls or texts and dont meet up with him anywhere and for the love of God, dont keep being intimate with him. Just stay away
Try therapy or counseling. If that’s not something doable for you…find a book or do some research about self love. You need to learn to love yourself. Once you do, it will be easier to stay away.
You’re struggling to stay away from that kind of behaviour ??? Wtf … lol
Find a hobby block and delete it easy I don’t understand some women and their attention for this shit.
He’d be a weird smell in the woods with that kind of behaviour around me. Oops he must of tripped while walking… lol
In the same situation at the moment, I stay clear from him out of sight out of mind, I keep myself busy even go to the gym now, cause a healthy body makes a healthy mind. I drop our two little one’s off to him on gym day’s, it’s give my kid’s there bags and go, no muck arounds cause if I sat there I’ll get tempted, 30 years is hard for me to walk away from, but my kid’s come before his drug habit.
Absolutely no contact. When ever you feel the need to reach out to him. Stop and think how he makes you feel. How much happier you are away from him. Love hard on you and stay strong!
I just got paid $8530 working off my laptop this month. And if you think that’s cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over $ 13419 her first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less.
This is what I do… https://NethomeJob352.pages.dev/
I was in the same situation. And no lies. It is hard. But you need to better yourself. I’m sorry this happened to you. No woman or man ever deserves this. Love does not hurt. Does not call names. Does not lower self esteem. This man does not love you sweetie. He’s using you as a punching bag. You need to leave and if you believe in the power of prayer definitely pray. I hope you get out before something more drastic happens
Therapy. You don’t love him. You love the facade he uses to manipulate you.
Nobody can convince you unfortunately, that’s going to be up to you to not go back. I hope you dont. But just like people who need help, you cant help them unless they want it. Leaving a toxic person out of your life is the same way.
No contact with your abuser.
It’s so hard I speak from personal experience. You have to realize your worth and your ability to function as a person without him. The not looking over your shoulder the lack of stress the peace is worth it. When j was tempted I would remember the bad times and how I felt then and it would help me. I know how hard it is and how easy it is for some to say just walk away. Hugs and I truly relate
No contact at all. Block him on all social media, block his number and move on. You deserve that.
Therapy honestly learn about trauma bonding because more then likely that’s what you are going threw.
I been there it’s hard and it’s not easy. It sucks and its kind of scary honestly. Therapy can help a bunch learning about trauma bonding can as well
I got rid of mine. Every time he said something bad about me, i would agree with him. Him: “you are a whore!” I would say “yep, ok have a good day” anything he said because he wanted me to argue with him. He couldn’t argue with me if i agreed to everything he said lol. “You are a bad mom!”, me: “ok have a good day”. (It hurt my feelings I would cry, but I wouldn’t let him know about it). Everytime he called saying he loved and missed me, I would just talk over him amd start listing all the bad things he did to me. I wouldn’t even let him get one word in. Just keep listing. And he would get so frustrated he would hang up. (I did that to remind myself of what he put me through so i wouldn’tget soft for him). It took awhile but it worked. And not answering his calls, we have kids so I would only reply through text if it was about the kids. And my mom would take the kids or pick them up so I didn’t have to see him. I still avoid him at all costs. If we do have to speak I refuse to look him in the eyes. He gets no respect from me. And 6 years later he still tries to use any lil thing against me or tries to be controlling but it doesn’t work anymore. You have to be really strong. Dig your heels in and put 2 middle fingers in the air. You have to stop it cuz he will play these games as long as u let him.
I also went to school and got a degree and that helped me make friends and build my self esteem back up.
90 days no contact, allow yourself time to process and mourn. Know you’ll doubt, and if you still feel he’s changed in 90 days, you can go back. Trust yourself and what you know logically, let yourself heal for 90 days no contact and see who you are then. It’ll be very hard, but your heart is worth so much more. You deserve more.
I just got paid $8530 working off my laptop this month. And if you think that’s cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over $ 13419 her first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less.
This is what I do… https://NethomeJob379.pages.dev/
Keep zero contact with him, block him off everything. Write down all the good and bad you guys had. Also write down the times his behaviour was dv related and look at that list one by one remembering what you felt at that moment. Also look in the mirror and learn to believe you are worth more and better and will get more and better. Take time to focus on yourself and learn who you are and what life you want.
Read what you just wrote and block him from everything.
Therapy… you want better… find someone to support you when those feelings come back
The man is a Bad Drug
Just say No, You deserve better. Stop messin with the court jester and find yourself a King that knows how to treat his Queen
Stand your ground, block his number, if he shows up don’t answer the door, if he gets aggressive when you won’t answer call the police to get it on record and they’ll tell him to stay away or he’ll get arrested. Stick to your guns. It gets easier, I promise.
You can love him… that’s fine but he dose not love you he loves the idea of you he will tear you down until you are nothing but pieces of who you used to be. He won’t change he will adapt you have already left so now he will make it look like he’s a changed man just to get you back but he hasn’t changed men like that are not capable of changing I bet you he’s telling you all the things you want to hear… but none of it is true do not listen you are worthy of some one who loves you and I mean really loves you… not some one that will love you on their own terms let me tell you how this is gonna go if you go back to him because I was you at one point…
He’s gonna tell you he changed he loves you he wants you back and so you go back… he love bombs you he buys you stuff he now dose all the things you begged him to do before you left… but then he will start calling you names he will control you he will gaslight you he will hurt you… and then you will leave again and all of a sudden he’s everything you wanted… and that cycle will continue until you are ready for it to be over…. Please don’t go back. And here’s a scary fact for you women who leave abuse from an intimate partner are at a 70% higher risk to be killed by that partner because they have already left once. Don’t play with those odds. You are strong and you are worthy of a love without violence.
Go to therapy. You have to heal and find out why you can’t be alone.
What helped me the most was completely and 100% cutting communication, and leaning on a support system. Good luck
Work on you. Do things you enjoy doing. Keep yourself and your mind busy and remember that you are better and deserve better. I know first hand it is not an easy task. I spent almost 30 years of my 46 year life between 2 relationships that were toxic. I seems to always gravitate towards relationships that were no good for me. Remember you are worth more and just focus on you.
Distractions… makeovers… music… doing things u like.
If there is any dv you need to leave. It will Never Change. Been there done that. There are always I’m sorry’s and I’ll change, It Never changes. You just go and stay gone. You’ll be more at peace with yourself for sure. Have fun and take things slow … Don’t jump right in to another fire. Be safe girl.
Been there done that! You reach the point where you’ve had enough and you just walk away no more contact what so ever!
I’m sorry to hear that
Get into therapy.
Find a domestic violence survivor support group.
Change all your contact information or block him, phone number, email address, social media, etc.
Move if you can afford to do so.
Look into changing your job.
You might find something better.
Make new friends.
Join some new groups and clubs to keep busy.
Only you can do this.
I know you can.
It’s ok to love him but you must first love yourself! That love for him will eventually fade as you love yourself more. You deserve better!
It was the hardest thing I had ever done!!! I had to keep reminding myself that “I love me” and “I deserve better”…best of luck…sending prayers!!!
All this no contact, move on, walk away advice is great for abusive situations but if you still love him like you say then the battlefield is in your head and heart, you need to box it up and dispose of it
Grieve. Grieve over the person you thought he was. Grieve and cry, and get it all out over the truths that he NEVER was that person. When you’re done Grieve a little more over the truth that he may have once loved you, but love wouldnt hurt you, and reassess your desire to stay.
YOU need to love yourself more — respect yourself more. Until you can do that - you will never have the right relationship. Work on you- forget him🥰
Go with a friend and meet people, or see if your friend has a good and trusted single friend or multiple friends that you could meet with them over time.
Block him on everything cut 100% communication. Keep yourself busy. Get a new hobby. Don’t be afraid to ask help from a therapist as well.
I was in this situation and honestly it took him going to jail for me to break completely away from him. I was actually getting ready to move back in with him the day before he git arrested. Thats how stuck on him I was. I had moved all my stuff back in and me and tge kids were coming the next day and then he got arrested and I came back to reality. He was looking at 8 months. I moved out and on with my life. Got with someone’s else who treated me so great and stepped up for my children and completely changed my life for tbe better. He got out 8 months later and started trying to pull me back he almost did until I saw he was just worthless. He was a terrible father and an awful person. 3 weeks later he went back to jail for over 4 years and I haven’t looked back since then. You really have to tear yourself completely away from the person.stop all contact and just stay away from them
Consider therapy. My daughter was in a cyclical DV relationship and it took talking it out with a neutral 3rd party for her to really be able to internalize the damage that he was doing not only to her, but also the damage it was causing with her other relationships. It gave her the strength she needed to finally break all ties with him.