Does anyone know how to break a child of lying? It started with blaming her brother for something because she didn’t want to get in trouble. Now she’ll lie about what color her wall is. She turned 6 in August. Has an almost four-year-old brother and a baby sister. I’ve tried talking to her and explaining that I need to be able to trust her and I can’t do that when all she does is lie to me and her daddy. I need some advice. Yes, they’re all 3 our biological children, and we’re married and live together.
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I tell my kids they have one chance to tell me truth but if I find out it’s a lie they get harsher consequences. Mr 6 has been really bad with lying lately but works on him.
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I always told mine that I already know the truth and I’m giving them one chance to tell it
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Tell her she can’t do the things she likes cuz you don’t trust her. Keep her right next to you like hover until she can’t stand it. If she wants the freedom to be a big girl she needs you to trust her. Praise her when she makes it thru the day without making you doubt her but don’t be too quick to back all the way off. A natural consequence of lying is people not trusting you.
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First off, do you punish her for what she did and for lying? (Don’t have to answer that) point being, I taught my children that if you do something wrong and lie about it, their punishment will be tough. If they admit what they did then they don’t get punished because they told the truth. We do have a nice talk about what they did wrong and how they can make better choices. I also explained to them that if their was a time where it was between one of them and another child/children lying about a situation that happened at school or anywhere, that I needed to be able to have 100% trust that they are telling the truth so I can stand up for them.
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Tell her you don’t believe anything she says. When she tells the lies interrupt quickly and say " nope, that’s a lie" and walk off. 6 year olds know way more than we think.
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I always tell mine I know the truth and if they don’t tell me their favorite item of the day will be taken away. And they will throw a tantrum about it but once they tell me the truth I sit with them on the side alone and talk to them about how important it is to always tell the truth even if they are scare the truth it always the way to go
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8 year old did this for awhile. The 11 year old too. I started doing anything that came out of the mouths were lies. If they told me something happened at school stop lying. It was to a point my daughter and son couldn’t be in another room without me. They hated no freedom. I told them this is the consequence to lying. After months of telling the truth they got to go to another room. The 11 year old decided the last few weeks to start lying again so he is loosing his freedom. It will be sitting right next to me. He hates it
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My daughter does the same thing, it’s always “I don’t know!” When we ask a question. Ex: why does the dog smell like maple? Did you eat in your room? Did you take this out of our room? Why is there wax melt all over the floor?! We tell her that her that we may be mad but telling us the truth will be less of a punishment- now if she lies she doesn’t get tv or she doesn’t get her LOLS (hate those things) and has extra chores added
Make sure you explain WHAT a lie is and why they are bad. Every time. Don’t punish for telling the truth and thank her when she is honest.
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I know you said you have 3 kids , I noticed my oldest did it for attention , and do you yell at her or talk it through with her ?
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My 6 year is my step son and lies to his mentality unstable mother about what goes on over here. We asked him if he wanted to go play Legos with just him and daddy and he told us he just wanted to watch dad play video games. Well, when his mom called that night, the first thing he did was tell her we never play with him. He stayed in his room for 2 days (allowed to eat and potty) until he told the truth to his mom. He has 400lb of Legos along with other toys so he’s isn’t bored. And his sisters were allowed to go play with him. His mom is threatening court for primary custody. The issue is he is the baby over there and the middle child over here. Good luck and be hard on them.
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My 7yo just started with this too, about dumb stuff! Totally inconsequential things. I explained the boy who cried wolf and then stressed how much I hated lying. I told him the next time he lied to me and didn’t immediately correct it, I would destroy one of his favorite things and then throw it away.
That boy has tried his hardest to stop. I always give him an opportunity to come.clean and he does now.
Of course he also knows I’ll throw everything away and I’m not bluffing, doesn’t matter how much money it cost me.
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This may be a dumb question, but does she understand what a lie is ? also you said she has 2 younger siblings that live with her full time do you and dad have time set aside just for her? is she doing it just looking for attention 
because the little ones need mom and dad more. my children are 18 years apart so it may seem silly to ask them questions but I asked my self that when I had my daughter not thinking about it but my son went from being the only child to having a sister in the home it was a big change and even though being older he still wanted our time. I do believe there is children’s books about lying. you could tell her that if she lies her nose will grow like Pinocchio lol 
I wish you the best. note:: everytime I wrote lied the nose would pop up 
.
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Read her the book/story Peter and the Wolf. Might help her realize that if she continues to lie, it will be difficult for anyone to believe her if something was seriously wrong. Kids like stories so read it more than once.
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Could be an attention thing is she feeling pushed out slightly obvs all kids lie so thays normal some more then others u just gottq teqch her why lieing is wrong
When I would catch my daughter lying when she was younger I would put one drop of Tabasco on her tongue, it’s stopped pretty fast.
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At this age learning the skill of lying is actually a good thing. Their brain is developing and making huge leaps as far growth. It doesn’t mean it should be rewarded however.
My kids teens/tweens now. I did it two ways then and I do it now too. It still works. Kids will lie for different reasons as they grow up. Most of them are innocent and let’s be honest how many of us still tell little white lies from time to time? Perhaps you call in sick to work because you stayed out late. You tell a mom from your moms group that your busy on the day she wants a play date. Your not, but you don’t like her kid. I use their own lies against them.
Example(real one that we had): My daughter was 5yrs old and wrote her name on the wall in her room. When asked about it she blamed her brother who had just turned 3yrs old. In a very surprised tone I’ll play along, ‘What a cheeky thing to do! That isn’t what we do is it?’ When she agrees with me and seems glad I believe her, I start to ask questions. How did he get that high up the wall, how did he get in her room so quietly since he is napping in his room, how did he get the pencil. I let her answer each of them. Then replay the whole lie back to her. When he wakes up, all the sibling get told that writing on the wall is not what we do in our house. I tell my son how clever he was but next time he should write on paper. Then reward him for being so strong and clever. When she asked why, I told her the lies she used. He got out of his room without me noticing. He pushed the chair without a sound to the wall. He then got your pencil that was in your bag and wrote your name so clearly! He put your pencil away, put the chair back, and fell back asleep without me hearing him. Not to mention how nicely he wrote your name! (He couldn’t talk yet or hold his colors using his fingers instead of his fist(he has dyspraxia). My that is very clever indeed. His OT will be excited.
She has one option, watch him get praised and rewarded for her lie to work. She was so mad that he was called clever and strong and then rewarded for her ‘cleverness’, she outed herself. That’s when she and I talk about how lies hurt people. She got to clean up her wall, lost the privilege to keep all pencils and anything else that writes in her room, and she had to apologize to her brother and myself.
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Well based on what you told us, I would say it’s for attention. She is 6, with 2 younger siblings. Kids at 6 lie and anyone who tells you they don’t are blind. Its normal for her to act out if she doesn’t feel she is getting enough of your guys attention.
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I told my kids the story of the little boy who cried wolf… But honestly, I don’t think that helped much. They still lie from time to time.
4 out of 5 of my kids had some kind of lying issue at some point. The 2nd eldest was the worst, and oh my head would spin with him. But from that i learned, I had to let them know they were wrong and explain it while being firm, than give them a consequence (ignoring them, time out, ). It only worked with being consistent with them and repeating myself. now the youngest is 7yrs old & lying is a big No, No here.
Hopefully it’s just a phase or a cry for attention. With multiple kids, each child has their own way of showing their need for attention, this may be hers. Praying you will find the answers that suits your situation!
Dont listen to them at all when they talk and when they question tell them that you can’t trust them when they talk
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Tell her your taking her to disney get everything ready pack the car get in and start it and turn it off and be like I lied. Then ask if she likes it.lol
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I always told my children to stick out there tongue. And when I knew they where lying I told them there tongues had a blue L on it. I told them only mommy and daddy could see it.
It was affective for me. Maybe it will help you. Good luck
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Corner-with every lie comes a consequence.
Have a conversation first and set the expectations and then follow through accordingly.
Also remember to reward honesty with positive feedback♥️
My 5 yr old does this 
as soon as he see my mom he’ll say things like mom said she hates me or I haven’t hugged him once that day. While I’m sitting there like wtf we had a good day 
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I tell my 5 year old she gets one chance to be honest and won’t get in trouble for telling the truth (if she’s done out naughty) if she lies again then I find out the truth she gets in trouble! I have a 10 year old who tells lies sooo well and easy this does not work on her 
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Do it to her… tell her a big lie about something exciting then dont do it or do something different make sure you point out the disappointment of what lying does.
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My 6 year old daughter is like that she lies about anything so I tell her if she keeps lying to me I won’t give her her ipad for a week
Punishment and consequences for lying and make it worse than telling the truth.
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I broke my 4 year old from lying by telling him that every time he lies to me, his nose grows bigger. That boy ran to look in a mirror to make sure it didn’t when I first told him that now every time he lies to me he looks at me and says “hey mommy, did my nose get bigger?”
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I read somewhere to tell them their ears turn red when they lie and they unconsciously grab their ears thinking their red. Didn’t work for us. I told her I didn’t believe her a few times and she didn’t like it. Ultimately I think I told her I’d give her $20 and take her to the store to buy whatever she wanted, then I told her I was lying. She said I hurt her feelings so I told her she hurt mine every time she lied too. She still tries to lie but you can tell, I just look at her for a second and she’ll tell me she was “just kidding” and tell me the truth.
Praise her massively when she tells the truth. (If she doesn’t tell the truth about much), ask her simple things that you know she won’t lie about. Maybe like what happens in her favourite film etc, Say … ‘hmm are u sure’, when she repeats it, praise her. The more praise you give her when she tells the truth, the more she will do it. Lying is a learned behavior, she could be getting it from school etc. Always explain to her she won’t get in trouble for telling the truth (no matter how bad), but she will get in trouble for lying. I do this with both of mine and it works. Its hard to restrain yourself from telling them off when they’ve done something they shouldn’t… but instead of telling her off. Thank her for being honest, and explain calmly why its not OK for her to do whatever it is shes done. Always always thank her for being honest. Telling the truth will come second nature to her after a while. Straight on the naughty step when she lies and explain your not going to talk to her until she’s honest (til she’s off naughty step) xxx
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Following bc I have a 6 yr old and 7 yr old and well…same
Ask them if they are lying then stare them out until they become uncomfortable, they will start thinking that you know that there lying and come clean works a treat with my kids 
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Tell her th story Biut the boy who cryed wolf? Xx
How many of you commentators in this reply voted for tRump. Your kids are just imitating tRump. If you voted for him, I dont see why you would punish your kids for lying.
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Maremember naku si Yohann, katong niadto sa amua ky nag away dw mong Andrew. Dli dw sya gusto makadunggog and katong ky Millet Haha. Normal ra siguro ing ana na age nu Dawn Clor de Arta
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My daughter was the same, pretty sure she’s on the spectrum…not yet diagnosed but I could watch her punch her sister then flatly deny it😞 her dad was the same though so not sure if learnt behaviour, pleased to say she’s 22 now and admits her mistakes
Try a squirt of soap in her mouth 
Smack. End of. Quickly learn lying causes consequences. 
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Admin please take Hal Longan out of group
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I explained to my kids, that there is a difference from a good"story" and saying something that is not true, not real. And gave some examples that they would understand. Pull her up when yo u suspect a lie, and say is this a good story or is it the truth. Don’t get angry, you probably need to reinforce it from time to time.
Sit her down by herself and make her look at you when you are speaking, explain to her that is is very ugly to lie and if you are a religious person tell her jesus doesnt like it when people lie, also tell her that if she lies it will just get her in more trouble than telling the truth will. You will have to keep reminding her all the time also. And when she lies discipline her every single time, if shes honest just have a talk with her and tell her what she did wasnt nice or whatever the circumstances is but when she lies put her in time out, take her favorite toy away, or spank her if that’s how you discipline. Everyone disciplines differently and every child s different, I ground mine kids from their favorite things, started out with just one day and now they get a week but they are 12 and almost 10 now, spanking dont work with my youngest but I can tell my oldest I’m gonna spank her and she start crying immediately, it doesnt phase my youngest at all but taking his favorite thing away works everytime. And stay calm during everything
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Maybe she/he doesn’t know what a “lie” is; our youngest didn’t so we had to explain it over and over and over again😖
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I have a strong hatred for lying so I am a bit harsh when it comes to when I catch my kids in a lie, albeit it has only been my 5yr old so far. I tell them “liars go to bad places, and while a lie may not hurt you it can seriously hurt someone else. If you always lie about small things and one day run to me with something big, how will I know to believe you? Lies make it so no one knows to believe your words.”
And this is where the story the boy who cried wolf is useful… you then teach the moral of the story…
It’s a tough one. explaining that nothing good comes from lying and the truth can be really good. But then they start being bluntly honest with everyone and airing everything that happens at home.
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Between the age of 5 and 8 children go through a liar phase. Its development its normal. Tell her about the boy who cried wolf… give her age appropriate examples of how even a small lie can hurt someone…They are seeing what they can get by with. Call her out on her lies and dont accept anything but the truth. Let her know you will hear what she has to say when shes ready to tell the truth, put her in time out while she thinks about that. It will pass.
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I tell my kids they can tell me the truth and get in a little bit of trouble for the thing they did because actions have consequences (and I show them with my fingers a little bit) or a whole lot of trouble for lying about it. ( And use both my arms to show alot) Because then it’s double the trouble. One for doing what you did and one for lying about it. I tell then this while looking them straight in the eyes. I will repeat that until they tell the truth.
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How old is the baby? Sometimes when kids get a new sibling, they’ll take up a bad habit because it gets them attention, even if it is negative, that they feel they lost to the baby. If the baby is still very young, maybe take the time to explain that you still love them equally and assure her that she can get the attention she needs from you, but has to communicate what her needs are rather than getting in troublem
When I was a kid and told a lie my dad always told me its better to tell the truth and deal with the punishment then lie and get in more trouble… Most of the time I got grounded…also tell her the story about the boy who cried wolf
My son is 7 and likes to fib a lot, about everything, even the sky being blue . What I’m trying right now is if he tells the truth right away, no punishment. If he lies multiple times but then decides to tell the truth, i thank him for telling me the truth but he will still get a punishment for lying.
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Lying, cursing, being disrespectable to anyone…an ass whooping. I’m old school.
Hot sauce,soap,whoop that ass🤷 take things they love the most.
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My kid did that around the same age as well as stealing from the store makeup or candy mostly. I did the same as a child I’m sure my younger 3 will too. It’s a stage. Keep reminding her that honesty always pays off and show her. When my now 10 yr old lies I just call her out until she admits the truth I don’t spank or ground her unless it’s something major like stealing she did get grounded for. She was also VERY destructive for 1 entire 12 month year I took all her toys she had a bed, dresser, clothes and books as well as coloring and writing stuff. Let me just say she is super respectful of her property and appreciates everything now she doesn’t feel the need to lie anymore either or steal now she asks for stuff she wants and usually we do buy it
Just Lying to her once, will show her how it feels. Keep on tell she stops.
Are you religious at all? Go to church? Lying is a sin. It’s a good lesson.
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I told mine I had hidden cameras that I can check from my cell phone 
so do not lie because I know
It is a bad habit . Good luck ! I have had to deal with this . Not an easy feat . Nothing I did worked .
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My kids are horrible liars. I’ve had them thinking since they were little that they have a blue dot that pops up on their forehead when they lie. I call them out when I know they’re lying and when they’re telling the truth they always show me their forehead and say “see mom?? No blue dot!” It has actually worked really really well for us!
I told my daughter that her ears turned red when she lied. Now she covers her ears when she is lying. Lol
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Sometimes they lie for all of the attention. You have explained everything to here. When she lies now come up with a simple isolating punishment and the behavior may stop. Don’t give her a lot of discussion anymore just consistent action.
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Honestly, it’s her age. I would just keep sticking to the same routine you have. Structure is everything, she will grow out of this.
My son is 11 and is still convinced that I know when he is lying cuz his ears turn red. I told him that when he was little and always stuck with it…
I have bagged EVERYTHING in my child’s room but clothes. She continued so now she only has plain clothes to wear. Solid shirts and pants. That didn’t work so we had her read some articles about lying. Next is a full report on lying and what it can do to a person’s life.
When my daughter was little (15 now) she also lied a lot. I told her I could smell lies and would actually sniff her. If I knew she was lying she would be punished. She stopped pretty quickly.
Chilli on their tongue…only happened a couple of times
When I was a teenager I lied all the time . my mom said I would lie when the truth would be easier . then one day I decided I would only tell the truth . I then told the truth no matter who I hurt . finally I learned that sometimes not saying anything was sometimes best . I’m a man now and people know I am a good person to confide in . it took time and patience on my mother’s part to straighten me out . I’m sure you are a good mom who will be patient and strong unfilled your little girl comes around . I’m praying for you .
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My sister is a psychologist and BCBA and she taught me something profound that actually works. If you want to actually see results you have to change you. What you are doing is not working- as you described she is getting worse. Elevating what you are doing will do what then? - make her behavior even worse. You have to change what you are doing completely in order to change results. The way to illicit desired behavior is to expect it, then reinforce anything positive. Start by listening to her talk… if she says I hate school or I like pizza - reply, oh I like how you tell me the truth about your feelings. You’re good at that. Build up and tell her, you’re very honest when you talk about —— . I like that. You will have to tell her she is honest, truthful, etc, a LOT to counteract all the times she has been told she lies. A child searches for identity and when they are told by a parent- you are lazy - you lie too much, etc. they believe their parent and internalize that identity, then they continue the behavior. If you want the behavior to change you must make her believe she is a truth teller and concentrate on the one hundred times a day she tells the truth - if she believes she is an honest person she will behave accordingly. She currently believes she is a liar and she is behaving accordingly. At this stage she gets her identity primarily from you. You need to hold up and reinforce a vision of her that is her at her best. Rule of thumb- ignore unwanted behavior and it usually goes away- concentrate on a behavior and it grows.
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The age group it’s not developmentally uncommon but sounds like perhaps she’s doing it a bit more… If she is lying because of fear of consequence or getting in trouble what I told my kids I will give you one chance to then tell me the truth (after a lie) and you won’t get in trouble as long as you tell me the truth. Then because I kept my promise for telling the truth it showed they could trust me and not fear telling the truth going forward. Most often kids lie because of how us adults react.
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It’s honestly normally behavior for a 6 year old… If you know she broke a toy don’t ask her “did you do this” say “I know you did this, and things break but you need to tell me when they do”
All children lie, they test boundaries… we need to hold them accountable but at the same time remember they are kids… don’t give her the opportunity to lie, she’s 6 and you know what she’s doing so point it out to her
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Step 1) decide on a consequence.
Step 2) communicate that the consequence will happen every single time.
Step 3) follow through.
I feel like we often get so caught up in what the “best consequence” to each less-than-desireable behavior is, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. If it’s spanking, mouth washed out with soap, time outs, loss of tv privileges, etc. Consistency is the key. Every time you catch your kid in a lie, execute the communicated consequence and reinforce that choosing to lie is choosing to experience the consequence. Remind them that you love them and that you provide a consequence to teach them how to live happy lives. Happy kids are kids that have parents that love them enough to let them learn.
My grandma told me my tongue turned black when I lied and then would watch me cover my mouth or run to the bathroom to check my tongue after lying and would call me out and it made me realize I couldn’t get away with kt
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Lots of good advice here. This is mine…Cobble together what works for you and yours. Brush up on her zodiac sign. Meet her where she’s coming from to understand why she’s doing it. Wouldn’t hurt to look into the rest of the family’s sign’s too. Helps to understand the family dynamics. Hang on, in ten years she will be a completely different kid. 
I made the lie a punishment not the behavior. Like if I knew or caught them lying that’s what I punished and if they were honest even though they did something wrong I went easier on them for telling the truth. Both are teenagers now and they tell me everything except my son has a tendency to tell bullshit stories to his friends but when it comes down to it I can trust both of them. My son has adhd.
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She has to know that she wont be punished for being honest that her truth will be celebrated
When my son was 7 he stole quarters from my jar i put my spare change in he lied to me and told me he found it …he thought I was taking him to store to spend it …I told him in car I was taking him to police station it didnt take him long to tell me he took it he never stole or lied to me again (that I know of )
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Tell her a lie and see how far she will run with it. But then Again that is stooping isn’t it!. Mabe it will work see how she likes it.
If you figure it out. Let me know. Mine’s almost 10
My 5 1/2 year old thinks her nose grows when she lies… when she starts hiding she nose I know something’s up
Tell her her ears turn red when she lies. She’ll cover them when she lies.
Lolol wait till she’s a teenager
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Tell her: when you lie I can see __ turning red.
Of all the things I tried this worked the best
Time and negative consequences for lying.
My brother lies always did has a horrible temper now
Try pepper or soap in her mouth.
Never going to happen lol… it’s like second nature even if they aren’t being malicious
Water boarding. Very effective.
I convinced my kids that their nose grows a smidge and their ears turn red when they lie. It helped for a couple months. Lmao.
I told my kids their ear turned red when they lied… never said which one… so if I knew they were lying. I would say your ear is red and they would always put their hand up to one ear.lol
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Consiquences explained
Just call her on every lie, Everytime she lies.
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My boys know that getting caught in a lie is worse punishment than telling me the truth about what they did wrong. Once my oldest son, around 7/8yrs old at the time, lied & I knew it but I took the lie & ran with it. It was about school work & things happening in school. Went all the way to a teacher conference where he finally had to confess to all of us his lie. He was SUPER embarrassed & got in major trouble with me. He finally learned his lesson tho.
First thing. I think it’s normal for kids to start lying around this age. It’s a good indicator that they are starting to understand cause and effect. I was having this problem a year ago. I tried a lot of different things. I found that the best thing is to praise them a ton when they tell the truth. Even if they have to go in time out for what they do cut their time out short for being so honest. When they lie, give consequences for what they did and a consequence for the lie. Tell them they get 2 consequences when they lie vs the one for what they did. What I cannot stress enough is if your kids tell you the truth after they tell a lie do not punish them for that. I know for a fact that this teaches them to stick to their lie like glue. They need to feel safe to come clean. My 7 year old will tell a lie that I actually don’t question and an hour later she will come say I’m so sorry. I was lying.
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You can say I’m wrong if you want but punishment will teach kids to be even better liars. Best to be open and have conversations and do not judge harshly instead work through the thing they’ve lied about. They will then develop a good open relationship with their parents and not be afraid to approach you about things.
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I told my son I already know the truth and if he caught in a lie his consequences would be worse. But when it about stupid things (no offense like color of her wall) I would look at her and say your a goofball because she is looking for attention. She maybe feeling she is not getting equal attention as the younger two. The solution could be you taking extra time to spend just with her. each day it could be just 20-30 min when the other two are in bed.
Everytime she lies, make her throw away a toy or something she enjoys…not saying my 5 never lied but the look I gave them after the lie was told scared them enough to blurt that truth right out of their mouths…I do condone punishment for unacceptable behavior, start disciplining before it gets out of hand
You may not agree but I think it’s time for some kind of punishment. Whatever specifically works for your child, as soon as a lie leaves her lips, straight to whatever punishment you have decided to enforce. No talking about it until afterward. I talk too much, I find myself constantly explaining in detail to my kids every. Little. Thing. And with my boys it’s in one ear and out the other. What they DO acknowledge is a spanking or taking those video games for a couple of days. Early bed time, writing sentences. Sometimes it takes a combination of those things but the second I stopped talking and sprung to action, things have gotten tremendously better. You can explain yourself later and eventually she will realize that lying isn’t producing the results that she likes. You’re doing great 
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