QUESTION:
"So, my boyfriend and I haven’t been apart for longer than one night since we started dating four years ago. We have a 2-year-old together, and he’s only been away for one night since he was born... my boyfriend has to leave this week for 2 MONTHS for work!! I’ve been crying off and on since we found out that’s how long the job was. I’m just wondering if any of you are in similar situations, how do you cope with being away from each other that long? And how does your little one cope? I’m so anxious and sad thinking about it being just us for that long and how hard it’s going to be for my son, who won’t fully understand why daddy is gone that long"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"My husband is in the military, so he leaves a lot. I get sad even if he leaves for a week! It’s normal to feel sad about them leaving. My advice to you is to stay busy & do things you enjoy. The time will pass."
"Easy. You do what you gotta do, one day at a time. Give yourself things to look forward to. Distract yourself from dwelling on the fact he's gone, because wallowing in it isn't gonna change it. It's the same way we got through an 11 month deployment. Skype, fb chat, phone calls, daily as much as possible, and keep moving forward. You do what you normally do, and if your littles is asking questions and talks about missing him, have those conversations. Don't be afraid to show how you're feeling as well. It is normal and healthy to miss someone when they are gone. Make new memories with your littles. It'll give you more time to devote to that child. Don't waste it! I potty trained my 2 year old while my husband was on deployment. But also, don't forget to make time for just you. It can get to be alot when all that added stress is on you as the sole person at home. Find a babysitter for a night out with friends. Let loose a bit, so you aren't sitting on the house going stir crazy. It's important to do all these things. Especially if this may happen again sometime later in the future. Just remember, it's temporary."
"I've never enjoyed separation from my husband, but I've always believed the times we do spend apart only build us closer together. We've learned to appreciate each other much more afterwards. It's not easy it'll be something you'll have to cope with and definitely adjust to. As soon as he gets back you'll see a new spark in one others hearts because as the song says "reunited and it feels so goooooooood.""
"Keep the same routines as much as possible for your child. Keep a routine of contact with phone calls and face - time if possible. It's not the same as in person hugs, but having a routine helps to normalize the situation for your child. Try to be positive .. remember that he is working to help provide for his family. Be a positive shoulder for your boyfriend .. keep in mind that the separation will be just as devastating for him as it is for you, and he needs your support, just like you need his. Building a life together means pulling together to make the best of some of the situations you will go through as a couple. Keep your eye on the prize, which is a better life together."
"Just be honest. Daddy is gone for work, he’ll be back. I think you’re over thinking this."
"Just look at it as this. It’s something you have to do. It’s something you’re going to do. Figure out a communication schedule with him that will work well. If he can FaceTime you and your son that will help your son some as well. Find little things to do to keep you busy. If you can have regular scheduled company do it. Before you know it he will be home and that reunion will mean a lot."
"Me and my husband have been married for 19 years and we were inseparable in the beginning we were high school sweethearts we got married young. He was in the military and when our oldest two were really young he did an 18 month deployment. It was hard but my piece of advice is fine a hobby find something you enjoy doing. Make sure that you stay connected with your friends they may not understand what you're going through but hang out with them don't just sit at home."
"Make sure to spend time with friends. Set up play dates for your little one. Maybe get a calendar and have the date daddy is coming home highlighted in a bright color and every day put a "X" to mark off the days until he's back. If little one asks where daddy is, just explain as simply as possible that dad went away for work but he will be back soon. Lots of smiles! Lots of love! FaceTime as much as possible should help too."
"Military family here, it is hard but you learn to adjust. Keep yourself busy stay close to your family and good friends you’ll be alright."
"Get support from friends and family, make plans so you don’t sit at home and think about how much you miss him. Try to stay busy! It’s hard when you’re so used to seeing someone every day, try to explain to your two year old that his dad is going on a trip and that he’ll be back soon. Help him understand it’s not a permanent thing and remind yourself that as well! Make a countdown on a dry erase board like you would for Christmas. My oldest is 2 and it’s hard for him to understand. I’m sure yours will have tantrums and act out but just try to be patient, you got this."
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