How do I cope with my husband not wanting another baby? My husband had two boys with his ex-girlfriend when they were really young. He had his first boy when he was 18 and the second 2 years later. The boys are now 9 and 6, we get them every other weekend, and I love them to pieces. He and I have been together five years, married for 1. We just brought a daughter into the world two months ago after having a stillborn daughter in 2019. I absolutely love being a mommy and am not 100% sure if I want another child but I have been thinking a lot about it. My husband is completely against it and says heâs done because now he has three kids and doesnât want anymore, and he thinks he will be too old by the time we have the next. (Heâll be 29 this year) Iâll only be 24 in May, and I am just upset that I feel like I donât even have the chance to have another child if I want to. I kinda feel like his ex took that opportunity from me because they had children so young together. I understand things happen, and it takes 2 to make a baby; I get it⌠I know I married a man with two children, and thatâs not a problem for me at all; like I said, I absolutely love those boys and look forward to our weekends together. I just feel robbed and like I may regret not being able to have another child. How do you deal with this without feeling some sort of irrational resentment towards your husband and ex?
Explain to him how important it is for your daughter to have a idling n home 27/7. It makes a difference for your child. We have our oldest every other week and my husband and I have our son together. We were done having kids but got pregnant with our youngest daughter and are so thankful we did. Our son is completely different having a sibling full time versus only every other week. He loves his sisters the same but you can see developmentally how much itâs impacted him. I recommend sitting down with your husband and just having a conversation with him. People change their minds all the time and 29 is still pretty young to decide youâre done having kids
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/how-can-i-cope-with-my-husband-not-wanting-another-baby/16613
I have not been in your position but I feel like this is a talk you guys should have had before getting married since you knew he already had 2 kids.
I feel like the ex has nothing to do with your situation
You should have worked this out before you moved in together . He was honest and told you he did not want another child, if you thought you could change his mind you were wrong. Either accept or move on
He nor the ex is to blame for having kids young.
I think its a little weird women only take into consideration THEIR wants/needs when it comes to having babies. You guys have 2 boys and a girl. Youâve gotten everything having another baby has to offer. Youâll be fine. Also the ex has NOTHING to do with your current situation. Thereâs nothing you can do about him not wanting another baby.
My husband and I just had our first heâs was 38 and I was 33 so too old is just a personal feelingđ¤ˇââď¸
Its something you have to decide is a deal breaker or not. You worry about resentment on your end. If you try to force him into this, he could very well resent you.
You guys are young⌠you have some time to get past the baby stage. No way would my husband commit to anything with a 2 month old. I would hols off for a bit and revisit it later on. So much is stressful in that newborn stage.
All him to consider your feelings as well. If he still refuses, I donât know what to recommend other than pray for God to help you accept it.
He has every right to his feelings too.
âIt is what it isâ is what this situation is. If you force it, he could possibly get resentment towards you.
Its a conversation only you two can have, really. Nothing anyone says here will make you feel better.
You canât blame the ex for the situation.
You should definitely give it a rest right now if you just had one two months ago.
How did the ex take an opportunity from you? He or she didnât know you were to come along. Maybe he thought they would be together forever.
I donât know why you feel the need to blame the ex for something that you want but, he doesnât want.
Not his exâs fault that he doesnât want another.
All ya gotta do is trick him into it, it donât have to be his decision. Broads have been doing it since the beginning of time!!! 
oops!!
I mean all you can do is wait and see if his feelings change on the situation. If he doesnât get his self âfixedâ then anything could happen⌠but if he really doesnât want another yâall need to be preventing it some how so he doesnât have bad feelings towards you or baby if it were to happen.
His body, his choice, want another baby? Well then look for someone that wants a baby, when will women start to see that men also have a right to make choices about having kids or not?
Had my son at 30 next boy At 32 lively time but I spent time wokids too
Was this a conversation you had before you got married?
Give it time. You have just had a baby. You are hormonal, probably tired, and heâs just seen you go through it. They have emotions and feelings too. Maybe just settle in to being a mum, and re-assess it again in around 6-12 months time.
I donât blame him for saying that he doesnât want another right now. From what I remember, babies are extremely exhausting. As much as I love my kids, if someone had asked me when my son was 2 months old if I wanted another, I probably would have cried. Give it time. Also, Iâm turning 29 next week and if I ever get married again and feel comfortable enough in a relationship, Iâll probably have a third, no matter what my age. Even if Iâm close to 40. Iâve seen quite a few women have healthy kids in their early forties so age wouldnât stop me to an extent.
I just had my 3rd and final in Nov, at 29. I wanted to be done having kids by 30
I had a baby at 43. Yâall definitely arenât too old. But itâs something that needs to be discussed.
Too old? I had my last at 42.
Youâve got time to think this through
Thatâs really selfish of him and why didnât yâall discuss this before marriage?
My goodness lady, be grateful for what you have. He gave you one! Some never get that opportunity!
Truly the best option for you would be to seek individual and couples counseling over this.
Youâre also still very fresh into new baby hormones, and they can really alter our feelings, and emotions. This issue may just need more time, and opportunity for you each to speak it over individually and together. I do 100% support your husband on his choice, but that doesnât make mourning the idea of a bigger family or more children any less valid.
Your babe is only 2 months, men need more time to get over the shock 
my husband told me no more after the second, was over the moon when we found out about number 3 and actually wanted to try one more for a boy 
which he got. So 5 kids later, give him a little time 
His ex didnât rob you of anything lol
I mean you now have three kids total. Thatâs alot. If heâs done donât push. I was done with two⌠if you trick him he will resent you.
He never had the opportunity to explore the world and discover himself. He went straight from high school into fatherhood. He might be thinking that he doesnât want to spend his entire adult life as a father with dependent children.
You, on the other hand, are just beginning your journey as a mom. But if you accept his kids as yours, do you really want more than 3 kids? Keep in mind that your husband will be expected to contribute to his kidsâ college tuitions, if they choose to go. The cost of raising a middle class child from birth to age 18 (not including college) exceeds $275,000. Add financing your retirements to that and itâs a huge sum.
If youâre happy with him and just âwant the optionâ of having another kid, consider that no one is guaranteed a child. Youâve had a stillborn which puts you at higher risk for complications. Other couples struggle with fertility. My point is that in American culture married couples tend to assume theyâll have healthy children without difficulties. There are never guarantees in life. Yes, you two shouldâve discussed this much sooner; itâs also possible he didnât know. You can try asking him why, with very OPEN ears and NEUTRAL tones. But itâs possible that he only realized it now that heâs juggling 3 kids. That takes a lot of time, energy, and money.
Also, youâre still very hormonal from the pregnancy and recent birth. You might change your mind after several months of overnight feedings and sleep deprivation followed by the terrible 2âs.
But if youâre feeling depressed or resentful, do talk to a couples or family therapist. This could be an early symptom of post-partum.
Just wait awhile. Yâall are still very young and after you have a baby for some weird reason you always want to have another right after. Wait until your child is 3 or school age and then see if you want another. Most likely you will be glad you waited.
I had my last at 42âŚ2 months before I turned 43âŚyou guys definitely arenât too oldâŚbut itâs a choice you gotta make together 
My husband was a strong no on a fourth child⌠then our 3rd turned 4⌠more independent, and bam thank you maâam⌠we made baby #4
I mean some birth control isnât 100 %
I thought Iâd heard it all. Blaming the ex for having kids with him so young and robbing you of it. I can honestly say I canât blame him for not wanting to have any more kids with you.
I understand what you are saying when you say âresent the exâ Iâm a step mum too and have had this thought process myself before. (She had 2 so why canât I? Did her love her more than me?) My husband had 2 girls before we had our son together and I wanted more children too, but that wasnât to be. (Btw I had my first at 41, hubby was 34)
Itâs a tough situation to be in and your hormones are still heightened by the birth of your little girl. Enjoy this time, no one knows what the future may bring. Give it some time and re-visit the option in a year or so. 
Give him time, he may change his mind but if your okay with one bio child then continue of you arenât then maybe rethink the relationship. He has the right not to want anymore but you also have the right to want more.
I bet the comments would be very different if it was him wanting another child and she kept saying no.
The new baby is only two months old so itâs all still chaos and overwhelming for the household right now.I would enjoy your daughter,boyfriend and step sons for a year and then bring then bring the subject back up because he may see things differently then.
His ex didnât take anything from you. Itâs life and we have to live with it.
Omg his ex did NOT take that opportunity from you. They had their own children when they where together. Get a better mindset
How can you blame his ex for anything??? Is this reddit??? You should have known this was a possibility. You donât have 1 child OP, you have 3. This was a wild read. Get into therapy. Why even date a man with kids when there are tons of childless men ready to start their own family with another childless woman. His ex hasnât done anything to you at all.
Iâd wait a year too decide
So, Iâm sort of in this same situation. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, married for almost a year. We have a 2 year old son together, and thatâs our only child. I want another one and he doesnât. Iâve decided to back off and let it be. Iâve focused more on myself and my son. I love my husband to death and I do not want to live without him. Even if that means, I will not have another baby. But, I did tell him that I will not get my tubes tied until Iâm 100% comfortable with the desicion to do so and he knows his options on that as well. 
I cant do birth control because they all have had horrible side effects that just arenât worth it for me or him. So we just play things as safe as possible. But my point in all of this, you can not force him to have another baby. So the question really is, is this something you are willing to live with? If the answer is no, then you already know what you need to do. I say all of this with the most love and respect that I possibly can, because again, I completely understand how you feel. 
I know you are hormonal because your nursing. I understand where your coming from. I was there too. I married my husband when he was 38. He told me right off he didnât want more. He has 3 with his ex. I too love them and still pined for a baby. I used birth control but itâs never 100%. God has plans for us . So I got pregnant. It didnât make him mad but he was very adamant about nit having more. So much so that he threatened divorce. Still ,I got pregnant again. He didnât talk to me for 2 weeks. He was 46at this time. When I went to him upset that he was going to divorce me he laughed and said no, Iâm in shock. I truly never expected to be a dad again.
They .at say they donât want more but, he will later. Let it rest and pray about it. God will guide you. Take care of your little and know that you have a lifetime to enjoy what you have and maybe another on down the line. God bless.
I feel you on him not wanting another. Iâm currently pregnant with our rainbow baby. Itâs a boy and we already have 2 other boys and husband says hes done. I just wanna try one more time for a girl. The disappointment is real when he says hes done and hes getting fixed just kinda breaks my heart. I want another maybe but in 5 ish years. Since my other 2 are 11 months apart. I dont think his ex has nothing to do with him not wanting more. But maybe it is. This is definitely a deep conversation to have with each other.
When I got with my partner I had 2 boys and he had a daughter quite older than my 2. He was very adamant on having no more children and was open about that when we first started seeing each other, I felt the same at that time also (wanting no more children). Over the last 4 years much has changed and we now have a almost 5 month old baby boy which was a planned pregnancy 
. Also, he is 37-
Things change. Just give him time!!!
His ex took nothing from you. You werenât even in the picture. Maybe in the time youâve been together before marriage discussion of more children should have been talked about. Itâs very petty to have resentment for her or him for having two children. Makes me wonder if youâre being honest when you say you love his children or eventually are you going to resent them too
His ex took NOTHING from you, you have no right to say she robbed you of that, I see why he doesnât want anymore kids with you, plus your child is 2months old, you sound very immature IMO
You should have had a conversation about this a long ass time ago. 
You need to get into therapy and work on the thought that his ex took something from you. She took nothing of yours. He wasnât yours then and he participated in having those children. You donât own him nor his past/present/future baby batter. Did you two not have a discussion about family size before making things so official? Have you not had a discussion about how he feels and his choice not to have more children?and whatever you do do not trap him into another baby, do t coerce him into sex when your fertile, just respect his no.
Well my dear. U can take it 2ways. Yes u may be a mom 2 0ne baby. Considering the way things are going rite now can one have more babies wid health, cost of living n ur husband already having 2other children. Rather have the one n give her everything rather then having more n canât give them anything
You guys⌠I think she rationally understands that this ex didnât ROB her of anything⌠sheâs trying to cope with her feelings and can we keep in mind she JUST had a baby! Moods and hormones are everywhere. She doesnât want to feel the way she does. Be kind or be gone.
Keep forcing the issuse and he will not be able to have an orgasm with you and that will make him depressed
Get therapy to reframe the situation. Your anger/annoyance at your husband and his ex are misplaced. Work with a counselor to sort out your feelings and make sense of them. Anger especially is often a substitute for something else going on in your brain and heart.
You may have some new mom euphoria right now, but look at your exhaustion levels in a year and look at your budget too.
Are you working outside the home or is all the financial burden on him? Donât forget sports fees, cost of musical instruments, dance and/or karate class for 3, etc. Kids are expensive.
Will you have enough to send three kids to college or trade school? Even if you only pay for some of their post-secondary education, itâs a hefty sum. And what if any of them want to go to grad/med/law school? Youâll be supporting them even longer at home even if you donât help pay for their schooling.
Are you saving for a comfortable retirement? Youâll eventually need expensive health care after age 65 if not before, & nursing home care when youâre over 80 can run $10,000 a month now.
Do you have a mortgage now or do you want to own your own home? Itâs not just the cost of the house, but service on the loan, interest, the endless repairs to home & appliances, utilities, etc. you have to save to cover it all.
See how you do with one. Youâre still going to have to love all three through their tweenage and teenage years and youâve not yet hit teething, the âTerrible Twosâ and âThreenagerâ stages with your baby. Live through that first before you make a final decision on more kids.
See if you can get the boys more often, maybe for a month or two or the entire summer. Volunteer in the church nursery or work or volunteer at a day care to cure baby fever. Talk about more children again in three years. You have time. I had my kids at 32 & 35, my mom had me in the mid 1950s at 45, her first and only baby, and did just fine. I kept her young as did her grandkids; she died at 97, my dad at 94 (he was 9 years younger than my cougar mom!).
What would you do if your man lost his job? How long could you survive on savings? What if he leaves you? Could you earn enough to support at least you and your current baby? What would you do if anyone in the family were to become disabled? How would you handle it if your baby turns out to be a special needs child? These are all conversations you should be having. But maybe wait until your hormones stabilize first.
For now, just breathe.
You could choose to be grateful for your one child & enjoy your life 
This is something that honestly should have been discussed before marriage. Itâs a deal breaker for a lot of couples. If you want to continue your marriage, Iâd suggest talking through your feelings with a therapist. If you find that you really want another baby, and just donât feel fulfilled without one, then divorce may be your best option. Do not try to talk your husband into wanting a child. No matter if itâs the man or woman saying no, trying to coerce someone into wanting a child is not okay. Donât hold out hope either, because he could change his mind, but thereâs a good chance he wonât.
Can I just say that your feelings of FEELING robbed are valid? Even if I can understand why everyone is attacking about your choice of words or âblameâ. Like most have said, give it time. Baby is little. Youâre not yet recovered from having a baby, emotionally. Try to process that blame rationally. She didnât know you existed and your guy didnât either (or at least that youâd end up together) keep telling yourself that. Donât place blame. This is the path you chose and sounds like you wouldnât change it for anything. Also sounds like your frustrated with your own feelings. We all place blame when we are feeling some type of way even if no one is to blame. Iâve been know to blame my ottomans audacity when I stub my toe.
His ex didnât rob you of anything, if anything she has GIVEN you 2 children to love and cherish. I find it interesting that it seems you really donât count them as your children too, you like spending time with them but you donât count them in YOUR total number of children, just his. Because in reality, you have 3 children too.
I donât get this obsession with almost ownership over someone by having children with them. Like you wonât have as much of your partner unless you have the same number of children with him as his previous relationship? You have 3 children to care for and love, if he doesnât want more and thatâs a deal breaker for you, leave now and find someone who does more children so you donât end up resenting your stepchildren for simply existing because thatâs the road youre on.
You have a 2 month old. Relax. The ex has nothing to do with this. It sounds like serious overthinking and probably post pregnancy emotions. You donât know how youâll feel (or him) a few months or years from now. Iâd say focus on your newborn and enjoy the step kids and talk about this at a later date. Other than your hormones going nuts right now I canât understand worrying about another baby when you just had one. Chill bruh
You already have three. Those two boys are yours if you take care of them. And no heâs not too old. My husbandâs firstborn was when he turned 39. I brought two kids from previous husband and he has three kids now. We have more than enough. Give it time, you just had a precious angel, your baby fever is still strong
My husband didnât want another baby when we got together. He was against it in every conversation I said I wanted another one. My kids we teens and his were pre teens when we talked about it. So I left it alone I wasnât on any birth control cause I couldnât take them they made me sick. Well a few years went by and we have us a surprise baby boy. I just left it alone and out the blue we were pregnant starting completely over.
When my husband and I got together, he had a 9 year old son that I adored and he was 29. He didnât want anymore kids. Lo and behold, we ended up pregnant with our daughter. Sheâll be 10 in a week and a half. He said he didnt want anymore after her. She was 2 when we had our son. After that, we were done. Ha! September 2019, we had another little girl. He may feel this way now, but things may change. Either way, I feel like right now isnât the time to think about more babies. You have a new little one that all of you are adjusting to. It takes time. Donât think on it too much. Enjoy what you have and have the conversation in 6 months. See how you both feel. You never know. He may be good with another and you may decide you donât want anymore. Itâs funny how things change. Good luck, momma.
Edit to add: I also had a stillborn baby. Back in 2009, I went into preterm labor at 22 and a half weeks pregnant. My son was born sleeping. This was before I met my husband. Just give yourselves time. The emotional wounds from a stillborn baby also need to be healed. He may be scared to have more after having gone through everything with your daughter. Love and prayers for you and your family.
It sounds like your still hormonal
After having bubs
Give it a while And then revisit the the idea at a later date
You have 3 children to love. Enjoy them, they grow up fast.
I know what itâs like to lose a baby and have a rainbow baby, i also have a golden baby,Maybe he said that because you guys lost your previous baby and heâs scared of losing anotherđ¤ˇââď¸Men greive different than we do.he may change his mind about having kids.
I think in the long run, it would make you resentful. Thatâs huge to feel like you wonât have more children at 24. I definitely was not okay with only having one child. Baby fever happens naturally for some. Maybe it wonât be planned, but could still happen unexpectedly in the future. Donât give up on something that important to you.
You have to decide if youâre willing to leave because of it. Not an empty threat, like actually follow through. You have to choose in the end which is more important, your marriage or having another child. Youâre perfectly within your right⌠just as you married a man with 2 kids, he also married a 21 year old with no kids, so youâre not being unreasonable . In the end, it is up to you to decide what you can and canât live with, or without.
You guys are still very young
Give it time
You guys just had a baby
Maybe in a fee years you guys will be ready
Not only to mention again You guys just had a baby 2 months ago
Heâs tired your tired
Life just begun give it time
Too old?
My husband and I each had a child prior to us meeting and after we got married we had 1. We were 30.
I know ppl having babies at 40. 
I think he needs to tell you the truth; heâs afraid if yâall divorce he wonât be able to afford child support for 4 children.
one of you will have to change your perspective on this. and who knows, maybe in time youâll decide you donât want another or heâll decide he does. I understand youâd like another but also with him already having three, I definitely understand why he doesnât. Iâd say acknowledge the topic, let him know how you really feel. Find out how he really feels and then give it time. Things could change. Then later on down the road if you still disagree figure it out. Kinda like a cross that bridge when you come to it thing. If it had been a couple years after your first Iâd say go ahead and deal with the issue, But where you guys just had your daughter I think it would be a good idea to give it time. Idk thatâs a hard one.
I wanted 4 kids, I only have 2. My second pregnancy was very difficult and we had to make very difficult decisions sometimes we donât get our way. Maybe your husband is scared and love you so much that he doesnât want to see you hurting again and maybe the lost of your baby was to much for him.
Also start talking now about how you will raise your baby together. He may have good input from raising his boys so far. How long is too long to breastfeed (if you are doing so)? When to start potty training? Rewards & discipline? Spanking yes or no? What about lying, breaking things by accident or on purpose? Allowance: if, when, how much? Spiritual traditions and rites, what to do about a picky eater, who will be your back-ups, emergency contacts, babysitters?
Also: When to start day care, preschool if at all, will you need after school care, how many activities is too much, what will vacations look like? What constitutes an emergency? Who goes to sporting and extracurricular events? Everyone all the time? What if thereâs a schedule conflict? Do kids still date?
How old before you can leave them home alone for an hour, in the evening, overnight? What has to happen before theyâre allowed sleepovers at othersâ houses? What do you need to know before play dates where you drop off your kids? What parameters will you set for what ages? When will they learn to drive, and what conditions must be met? Will you expect them to get a job at 16? How about volunteering expectations for the kids, if any? How about screen time, parental controls on social media, TV shows, videos & music, at different ages & stages? When to begin discussing puberty, how will you approach sex education?
(BTW, âThe Care and Keeping of Youâ and âGuy Stuff: The Body Book for Boysâ come highly recommended.)
Itâs great to talk about situations and get on the same page BEFORE it happens (and it will happen sooner than you think). You can always discuss and adjust as time goes on. I recommend having family meetings weekly to discuss any issues & letting kids participate as soon as they can express themselves clearly.
How is your man as a dad? Hands-on? Aloof? Always at work? Laid back? Intense? How well do you parent together? What pushes each of your buttons? These questions/discussions should also figure into your decisions about adding to your family. If you have yet another baby, what will you have to give up to be able to afford it? How big a vehicle will you need to fit all the kids? Could you ever afford a nice vacation for 5? Plane tickets?
Pick one or two topics in advance to discuss every week at the same time so you can both think about it beforehand. Read some parenting books together to help guide you with the latest research. SO much to think about. Get a head start before your little one starts crawling, grabbing everything and putting it in her mouth. 
Omg the feels 
Iâm sorry I know the feeling.
My husband was so stuck on only having our daughter that we had early in our relationship and no other babies ever. It bummed me out and for a long time he was set on that, but when our oldest was almost 6 we had our second daughter. Relationships and marriages mature and change, he may not want one now, but one day he might change his mind.
Sounds like to me you are just jealous of the ex and thatâs the only reason you are wanting another baby.Be happy with what you have.
Just enjoy your baby " god why are you even thinking about another one just now " think about that in 2 or 3 years time " but for now enjoy what you have "
Not reading into this some Iâve seen because my significant other pretty close to 100% opposed to having a second child. I however was 100% against it but it wasnât a deal breaker. We actually cannot have a second child so we didnât have to really go through those emotions that she is asking about. Or the way I read it. I wonder how I would have addressed those feelings for myself. I would have been okay with one child but I didnât say a final no to a second so there would have been some emotions to process. Itâs similar to everything else you want in life. It is a want. I wish I could help you from experience but I definitely understand where youâre coming from. Hopefully your husband will be supportive of your emotional process and yâall can do it together. Also work how you see bond and accept your stepchildren. That will also always be a work in progress. I donât think the ex stole anything from you but I think you miss stated how it makes you feel.
The ex didnât take anything from you. This should have been discussed before marriage.
Sounds like you need to have a proper talk with him. Maybe ask if the chance was there, one more shouldnt be out of the question. That he may feel done, but you are not and feel like you are not being heard. Also bring up the fact that there are plenty of âold dadsâ. My own father who is 50 something had his last child at 40 and there are plenty of older dads as well. But at the end of the day, its a couple decision and if he says no, you gotta ask if itâs a deal breaker for yourself or not.
I would wait a bitâŚthings can change your baby is only newâŚbut didnt you discuss how many kids u wanted before you got marriedâŚgive him some breathing space firstâŚmaybe ask again in a couple of yrs.
Right now the thought of another may be overwhelming for him being in the newborn stage all over again. Give him time to adjust and he may change his stance, if he doesnât you need to decide whether that is something youre willing to accept or not. Give things time to settle with this new baby and maybe bring it up again when your daughter is a bit older. My husband has an 11 year old from a previous relationship and we have 2 together (for reference, ill be 25 in july and he will be 31) our youngest is only a month old and 3 can be hectic, lol. It may just take an adjustment period. He may also be dealing with grief from your angel baby he doesnât know how to express and the thought of going through that again may be difficult for him to deal with.
Itâs not the exâs fault at all, itâs his decision and he has every right to not want another. He might change his mind in a few years, who knows but playing the blame game is ridiculous, especially when youâre blaming someone who has nothing to do with your relationship at the end of the day. Respect his decision, and if you canât move past it than that is a you problem and you need to really think about what would be best for you.
You are extremely young and you may want to have many children in your future, you may have to weigh out the fact of whether itâs more important to remain with someone that doesnât want more and then regret it later or going on with your life and having all the children you want with someone else
Yes. I would have enjoyed having a 2nd child but my ex husband was dead against it.
The time would hv been good for me.
Be grateful for the one you gave and the 2- step. Love those kids
You guys are still young. My sister is having her second at 31 and her partner is 33. My own mum had me at 34.
You guys still got heaps of time
Iâm literally in the exact same situation except we have their kids full time, and before our daughter was born he said we could have another one and try for a boy because I always wanted a boy and now he says no but he gave a reason thatâs kind of sound logic and is he doesnât want any of them to not get enough love and he doesnât even feel like the three we have get enough love equally anyway
Iâm 29, my ex is 21. We had our daughter december 2020 and our son January 2022. I have 3 other children and one of them i have zero contact with. I told my ex that i was done having kids and I wanted to live my 30s pregnancy free and focus on getting money and a career so i can buy a home and whatnot. He agrees. We also agreed to consent on having kids in January 2020 before we started trying so we were on the same page with everything. It all depends on who you are willing to not push matters into someones conscience.
Wait until your kid is 2 or 3 years old and you might change your mind about having another one. Mommy hormones are crazy after birth and make you want to get pregnant right away. You might find your hands are already full
This isnât hĂs exes fĂĄult. Iâd just talk to him
Donât think abt it , honestly bcoz whatâs meant to be will be . If itâs meant to happen it will happen . Live happily with love donât put stress on a hypothetical
I believe your feelings are valid, & I also believe his feelings are valid. Women arenât the only ones who get to decide when theyâre done having children. He has 3 biological children & he isnât wrong for not wanting more than 3 & heâs not wrong for not wanting any more after a certain age. (I personally have always said I wouldnât have anymore once Iâm 30) You have only 1 biological child & youâre several years younger, so youâre not wrong for wanting more biological children, either.
He could change his mind later on, but also he might not. You have to decide whether or not that is a dealbreaker for you. I would say itâs not right to try to change his mind or make him feel like he has to have more to make you happy, bc then that could lead to resentment later on. You are the only one that can decide how to handle this.
W that all said, please know I am not judging anyone when I say what Iâm going to next.
This is why these type of conversations are extremely important to have before marriage. Anyone that is planning on getting married should have a mature, calm, real & deep conversation about all the big things before saying I Do. Of course ppls opinions, & what they feel & want change thru out life, but I feel the big & important things should be throughly thought/talked about before. Both sides should lay out what their deal breakers are, & what they want out of their partner/marriage/life once marriage takes place. I feel both partners wants/expectations etc should align before getting married. Therefore if what they said before marriage changes afterwards, you are able to say âthatâs not what you said during our conversation about this, etc/whatever the situation may be.â
If both sides are aware of what each otherâs deal breakers are, they can then decide whether or not that marriage is right for them. I do realize a lot of times ppl will lie or down play what their deal breakers are, or go back on what they originally said, but if the conversation is truthful between the two, it would save a lot of ppl from ending up divorced.
Again, I want to be clear that I am not judging anyone on how they handle their relationship/marriage. I am 100% aware how things & ppl change over time, or thinking you can handle something then handling it differently once the situation actually arrives. But overall, these things should definitely be discussed first. IMO.
I do wish you the best of luck w whatever you & your husband decide. Like I said before, both of your feelings are 100% valid, & I definitely feel where youâre coming from & why you would feel the way you do. At the same time, I feel where he is coming from & why he would feel the way he does. Iâm sorry I have no actual advice on how to handle it, but in the end you are the only one that can decide & you are the one that has to make whatever decision is best for you. No one knows what is best for you, except for you! I do hope yâall are able to come to a mutual decision that will be best for the both of you & yâallâs family! Prayers & good vibes sent your way 
Embrace the boys and move on. A man who says 3 is enough, believe him. He ainât joking. Women donât listen to women ehnr they say they donât want a 3rd or 4th child. The women looks for fulfillment from raising kids.
You have two boys from his previous relationship, enjoy being their step Mom and being with them. Enjoy your daughter and get a puppy if you need a small something badly enough. Smaller families are cool too.
Itâs in no way his exs fault . She didnât take anything from you.
Youâre upset that he doesnât want more, but think that he should be all good with you wanting more?? Makes no sense at all! You need to know that itâs not all about you. If you donât feel the same as me, I will resent you for it, is just ridiculous!
If you love them to pieces then look at it like you have 4 children as well. I had a daughter before my husband and I had her young. My husband didnât have any. After years of trying and losses we finally had a daughter together. He sayâs he has 2 not 1.