How can I cope with my husband not wanting another baby?

How do I cope with my husband not wanting another baby? My husband had two boys with his ex-girlfriend when they were really young. He had his first boy when he was 18 and the second 2 years later. The boys are now 9 and 6, we get them every other weekend, and I love them to pieces. He and I have been together five years, married for 1. We just brought a daughter into the world two months ago after having a stillborn daughter in 2019. I absolutely love being a mommy and am not 100% sure if I want another child but I have been thinking a lot about it. My husband is completely against it and says he’s done because now he has three kids and doesn’t want anymore, and he thinks he will be too old by the time we have the next. (He’ll be 29 this year) I’ll only be 24 in May, and I am just upset that I feel like I don’t even have the chance to have another child if I want to. I kinda feel like his ex took that opportunity from me because they had children so young together. I understand things happen, and it takes 2 to make a baby; I get it… I know I married a man with two children, and that’s not a problem for me at all; like I said, I absolutely love those boys and look forward to our weekends together. I just feel robbed and like I may regret not being able to have another child. How do you deal with this without feeling some sort of irrational resentment towards your husband and ex?

99 Likes

Explain to him how important it is for your daughter to have a idling n home 27/7. It makes a difference for your child. We have our oldest every other week and my husband and I have our son together. We were done having kids but got pregnant with our youngest daughter and are so thankful we did. Our son is completely different having a sibling full time versus only every other week. He loves his sisters the same but you can see developmentally how much it’s impacted him. I recommend sitting down with your husband and just having a conversation with him. People change their minds all the time and 29 is still pretty young to decide you’re done having kids

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I cope with my husband not wanting another baby?

I have not been in your position but I feel like this is a talk you guys should have had before getting married since you knew he already had 2 kids.

14 Likes

I feel like the ex has nothing to do with your situation

29 Likes

You should have worked this out before you moved in together . He was honest and told you he did not want another child, if you thought you could change his mind you were wrong. Either accept or move on

6 Likes

He nor the ex is to blame for having kids young.

13 Likes

I think its a little weird women only take into consideration THEIR wants/needs when it comes to having babies. You guys have 2 boys and a girl. You’ve gotten everything having another baby has to offer. You’ll be fine. Also the ex has NOTHING to do with your current situation. There’s nothing you can do about him not wanting another baby.

6 Likes

My husband and I just had our first he’s was 38 and I was 33 so too old is just a personal feeling🤷‍♀️

3 Likes

Its something you have to decide is a deal breaker or not. You worry about resentment on your end. If you try to force him into this, he could very well resent you.

3 Likes

You guys are young… you have some time to get past the baby stage. No way would my husband commit to anything with a 2 month old. I would hols off for a bit and revisit it later on. So much is stressful in that newborn stage.

10 Likes

All him to consider your feelings as well. If he still refuses, I don’t know what to recommend other than pray for God to help you accept it.

1 Like

He has every right to his feelings too.

“It is what it is” is what this situation is. If you force it, he could possibly get resentment towards you.

Its a conversation only you two can have, really. Nothing anyone says here will make you feel better.

8 Likes

You can’t blame the ex for the situation.

11 Likes

You should definitely give it a rest right now if you just had one two months ago.

8 Likes

How did the ex take an opportunity from you? He or she didn’t know you were to come along. Maybe he thought they would be together forever.
I don’t know why you feel the need to blame the ex for something that you want but, he doesn’t want.

18 Likes

Not his ex’s fault that he doesn’t want another.

6 Likes

All ya gotta do is trick him into it, it don’t have to be his decision. Broads have been doing it since the beginning of time!!! :joy: oops!!

12 Likes

I mean all you can do is wait and see if his feelings change on the situation. If he doesn’t get his self “fixed” then anything could happen… but if he really doesn’t want another y’all need to be preventing it some how so he doesn’t have bad feelings towards you or baby if it were to happen.

1 Like

His body, his choice, want another baby? Well then look for someone that wants a baby, when will women start to see that men also have a right to make choices about having kids or not?

15 Likes

Had my son at 30 next boy At 32 lively time but I spent time wokids too

Was this a conversation you had before you got married?

1 Like

Give it time. You have just had a baby. You are hormonal, probably tired, and he’s just seen you go through it. They have emotions and feelings too. Maybe just settle in to being a mum, and re-assess it again in around 6-12 months time.

8 Likes

I don’t blame him for saying that he doesn’t want another right now. From what I remember, babies are extremely exhausting. As much as I love my kids, if someone had asked me when my son was 2 months old if I wanted another, I probably would have cried. Give it time. Also, I’m turning 29 next week and if I ever get married again and feel comfortable enough in a relationship, I’ll probably have a third, no matter what my age. Even if I’m close to 40. I’ve seen quite a few women have healthy kids in their early forties so age wouldn’t stop me to an extent.

4 Likes

I just had my 3rd and final in Nov, at 29. I wanted to be done having kids by 30

2 Likes

I had a baby at 43. Y’all definitely aren’t too old. But it’s something that needs to be discussed.

Too old? I had my last at 42.
You’ve got time to think this through

That’s really selfish of him and why didn’t y’all discuss this before marriage?

4 Likes

My goodness lady, be grateful for what you have. He gave you one! Some never get that opportunity!

4 Likes

Truly the best option for you would be to seek individual and couples counseling over this.
You’re also still very fresh into new baby hormones, and they can really alter our feelings, and emotions. This issue may just need more time, and opportunity for you each to speak it over individually and together. I do 100% support your husband on his choice, but that doesn’t make mourning the idea of a bigger family or more children any less valid.

3 Likes

Your babe is only 2 months, men need more time to get over the shock :rofl: my husband told me no more after the second, was over the moon when we found out about number 3 and actually wanted to try one more for a boy :woozy_face: which he got. So 5 kids later, give him a little time :white_heart:

9 Likes

His ex didn’t rob you of anything lol

8 Likes

I mean you now have three kids total. That’s alot. If he’s done don’t push. I was done with two… if you trick him he will resent you.

3 Likes

He never had the opportunity to explore the world and discover himself. He went straight from high school into fatherhood. He might be thinking that he doesn’t want to spend his entire adult life as a father with dependent children.

You, on the other hand, are just beginning your journey as a mom. But if you accept his kids as yours, do you really want more than 3 kids? Keep in mind that your husband will be expected to contribute to his kids’ college tuitions, if they choose to go. The cost of raising a middle class child from birth to age 18 (not including college) exceeds $275,000. Add financing your retirements to that and it’s a huge sum.

If you’re happy with him and just “want the option” of having another kid, consider that no one is guaranteed a child. You’ve had a stillborn which puts you at higher risk for complications. Other couples struggle with fertility. My point is that in American culture married couples tend to assume they’ll have healthy children without difficulties. There are never guarantees in life. Yes, you two should’ve discussed this much sooner; it’s also possible he didn’t know. You can try asking him why, with very OPEN ears and NEUTRAL tones. But it’s possible that he only realized it now that he’s juggling 3 kids. That takes a lot of time, energy, and money.

Also, you’re still very hormonal from the pregnancy and recent birth. You might change your mind after several months of overnight feedings and sleep deprivation followed by the terrible 2’s.

But if you’re feeling depressed or resentful, do talk to a couples or family therapist. This could be an early symptom of post-partum.

6 Likes

Just wait awhile. Y’all are still very young and after you have a baby for some weird reason you always want to have another right after. Wait until your child is 3 or school age and then see if you want another. Most likely you will be glad you waited.

2 Likes

I had my last at 42…2 months before I turned 43…you guys definitely aren’t too old…but it’s a choice you gotta make together :heart:

2 Likes

My husband was a strong no on a fourth child… then our 3rd turned 4… more independent, and bam thank you ma’am… we made baby #4

2 Likes

I mean some birth control isn’t 100 %:grin:

4 Likes

I thought I’d heard it all. Blaming the ex for having kids with him so young and robbing you of it. I can honestly say I can’t blame him for not wanting to have any more kids with you.

12 Likes

I understand what you are saying when you say “resent the ex” I’m a step mum too and have had this thought process myself before. (She had 2 so why can’t I? Did her love her more than me?) My husband had 2 girls before we had our son together and I wanted more children too, but that wasn’t to be. (Btw I had my first at 41, hubby was 34)
It’s a tough situation to be in and your hormones are still heightened by the birth of your little girl. Enjoy this time, no one knows what the future may bring. Give it some time and re-visit the option in a year or so. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

2 Likes

Give him time, he may change his mind but if your okay with one bio child then continue of you aren’t then maybe rethink the relationship. He has the right not to want anymore but you also have the right to want more.

2 Likes

I bet the comments would be very different if it was him wanting another child and she kept saying no.

9 Likes

The new baby is only two months old so it’s all still chaos and overwhelming for the household right now.I would enjoy your daughter,boyfriend and step sons for a year and then bring then bring the subject back up because he may see things differently then.

1 Like

His ex didn’t take anything from you. It’s life and we have to live with it.

6 Likes

Omg his ex did NOT take that opportunity from you. They had their own children when they where together. Get a better mindset

13 Likes

How can you blame his ex for anything??? Is this reddit??? You should have known this was a possibility. You don’t have 1 child OP, you have 3. This was a wild read. Get into therapy. Why even date a man with kids when there are tons of childless men ready to start their own family with another childless woman. His ex hasn’t done anything to you at all.

3 Likes

I’d wait a year too decide

So, I’m sort of in this same situation. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, married for almost a year. We have a 2 year old son together, and that’s our only child. I want another one and he doesn’t. I’ve decided to back off and let it be. I’ve focused more on myself and my son. I love my husband to death and I do not want to live without him. Even if that means, I will not have another baby. But, I did tell him that I will not get my tubes tied until I’m 100% comfortable with the desicion to do so and he knows his options on that as well. :woman_shrugging: I cant do birth control because they all have had horrible side effects that just aren’t worth it for me or him. So we just play things as safe as possible. But my point in all of this, you can not force him to have another baby. So the question really is, is this something you are willing to live with? If the answer is no, then you already know what you need to do. I say all of this with the most love and respect that I possibly can, because again, I completely understand how you feel. :pleading_face:

1 Like

I know you are hormonal because your nursing. I understand where your coming from. I was there too. I married my husband when he was 38. He told me right off he didn’t want more. He has 3 with his ex. I too love them and still pined for a baby. I used birth control but it’s never 100%. God has plans for us . So I got pregnant. It didn’t make him mad but he was very adamant about nit having more. So much so that he threatened divorce. Still ,I got pregnant again. He didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks. He was 46at this time. When I went to him upset that he was going to divorce me he laughed and said no, I’m in shock. I truly never expected to be a dad again.
They .at say they don’t want more but, he will later. Let it rest and pray about it. God will guide you. Take care of your little and know that you have a lifetime to enjoy what you have and maybe another on down the line. God bless.

1 Like

I feel you on him not wanting another. I’m currently pregnant with our rainbow baby. It’s a boy and we already have 2 other boys and husband says hes done. I just wanna try one more time for a girl. The disappointment is real when he says hes done and hes getting fixed just kinda breaks my heart. I want another maybe but in 5 ish years. Since my other 2 are 11 months apart. I dont think his ex has nothing to do with him not wanting more. But maybe it is. This is definitely a deep conversation to have with each other.

1 Like

When I got with my partner I had 2 boys and he had a daughter quite older than my 2. He was very adamant on having no more children and was open about that when we first started seeing each other, I felt the same at that time also (wanting no more children). Over the last 4 years much has changed and we now have a almost 5 month old baby boy which was a planned pregnancy :relaxed:. Also, he is 37-
Things change. Just give him time!!! :heart:

2 Likes

His ex took nothing from you. You weren’t even in the picture. Maybe in the time you’ve been together before marriage discussion of more children should have been talked about. It’s very petty to have resentment for her or him for having two children. Makes me wonder if you’re being honest when you say you love his children or eventually are you going to resent them too

4 Likes

His ex took NOTHING from you, you have no right to say she robbed you of that, I see why he doesn’t want anymore kids with you, plus your child is 2months old, you sound very immature IMO

4 Likes

You should have had a conversation about this a long ass time ago. :woman_facepalming:t2:

You need to get into therapy and work on the thought that his ex took something from you. She took nothing of yours. He wasn’t yours then and he participated in having those children. You don’t own him nor his past/present/future baby batter. Did you two not have a discussion about family size before making things so official? Have you not had a discussion about how he feels and his choice not to have more children?and whatever you do do not trap him into another baby, do t coerce him into sex when your fertile, just respect his no.

Well my dear. U can take it 2ways. Yes u may be a mom 2 0ne baby. Considering the way things are going rite now can one have more babies wid health, cost of living n ur husband already having 2other children. Rather have the one n give her everything rather then having more n can’t give them anything

You guys… I think she rationally understands that this ex didn’t ROB her of anything… she’s trying to cope with her feelings and can we keep in mind she JUST had a baby! Moods and hormones are everywhere. She doesn’t want to feel the way she does. Be kind or be gone.

19 Likes

Keep forcing the issuse and he will not be able to have an orgasm with you and that will make him depressed

Get therapy to reframe the situation. Your anger/annoyance at your husband and his ex are misplaced. Work with a counselor to sort out your feelings and make sense of them. Anger especially is often a substitute for something else going on in your brain and heart.

You may have some new mom euphoria right now, but look at your exhaustion levels in a year and look at your budget too.

Are you working outside the home or is all the financial burden on him? Don’t forget sports fees, cost of musical instruments, dance and/or karate class for 3, etc. Kids are expensive.

Will you have enough to send three kids to college or trade school? Even if you only pay for some of their post-secondary education, it’s a hefty sum. And what if any of them want to go to grad/med/law school? You’ll be supporting them even longer at home even if you don’t help pay for their schooling.

Are you saving for a comfortable retirement? You’ll eventually need expensive health care after age 65 if not before, & nursing home care when you’re over 80 can run $10,000 a month now.

Do you have a mortgage now or do you want to own your own home? It’s not just the cost of the house, but service on the loan, interest, the endless repairs to home & appliances, utilities, etc. you have to save to cover it all.

See how you do with one. You’re still going to have to love all three through their tweenage and teenage years and you’ve not yet hit teething, the “Terrible Twos” and “Threenager” stages with your baby. Live through that first before you make a final decision on more kids.

See if you can get the boys more often, maybe for a month or two or the entire summer. Volunteer in the church nursery or work or volunteer at a day care to cure baby fever. Talk about more children again in three years. You have time. I had my kids at 32 & 35, my mom had me in the mid 1950s at 45, her first and only baby, and did just fine. I kept her young as did her grandkids; she died at 97, my dad at 94 (he was 9 years younger than my cougar mom!).

What would you do if your man lost his job? How long could you survive on savings? What if he leaves you? Could you earn enough to support at least you and your current baby? What would you do if anyone in the family were to become disabled? How would you handle it if your baby turns out to be a special needs child? These are all conversations you should be having. But maybe wait until your hormones stabilize first.

For now, just breathe.

2 Likes

You could choose to be grateful for your one child & enjoy your life :blush: :two_hearts:

This is something that honestly should have been discussed before marriage. It’s a deal breaker for a lot of couples. If you want to continue your marriage, I’d suggest talking through your feelings with a therapist. If you find that you really want another baby, and just don’t feel fulfilled without one, then divorce may be your best option. Do not try to talk your husband into wanting a child. No matter if it’s the man or woman saying no, trying to coerce someone into wanting a child is not okay. Don’t hold out hope either, because he could change his mind, but there’s a good chance he won’t.

6 Likes

Can I just say that your feelings of FEELING robbed are valid? Even if I can understand why everyone is attacking about your choice of words or “blame”. Like most have said, give it time. Baby is little. You’re not yet recovered from having a baby, emotionally. Try to process that blame rationally. She didn’t know you existed and your guy didn’t either (or at least that you’d end up together) keep telling yourself that. Don’t place blame. This is the path you chose and sounds like you wouldn’t change it for anything. Also sounds like your frustrated with your own feelings. We all place blame when we are feeling some type of way even if no one is to blame. I’ve been know to blame my ottomans audacity when I stub my toe.

3 Likes

His ex didn’t rob you of anything, if anything she has GIVEN you 2 children to love and cherish. I find it interesting that it seems you really don’t count them as your children too, you like spending time with them but you don’t count them in YOUR total number of children, just his. Because in reality, you have 3 children too.
I don’t get this obsession with almost ownership over someone by having children with them. Like you won’t have as much of your partner unless you have the same number of children with him as his previous relationship? You have 3 children to care for and love, if he doesn’t want more and that’s a deal breaker for you, leave now and find someone who does more children so you don’t end up resenting your stepchildren for simply existing because that’s the road youre on.

9 Likes

You have a 2 month old. Relax. The ex has nothing to do with this. It sounds like serious overthinking and probably post pregnancy emotions. You don’t know how you’ll feel (or him) a few months or years from now. I’d say focus on your newborn and enjoy the step kids and talk about this at a later date. Other than your hormones going nuts right now I can’t understand worrying about another baby when you just had one. Chill bruh

1 Like

You already have three. Those two boys are yours if you take care of them. And no he’s not too old. My husband’s firstborn was when he turned 39. I brought two kids from previous husband and he has three kids now. We have more than enough. Give it time, you just had a precious angel, your baby fever is still strong :heart:

My husband didn’t want another baby when we got together. He was against it in every conversation I said I wanted another one. My kids we teens and his were pre teens when we talked about it. So I left it alone I wasn’t on any birth control cause I couldn’t take them they made me sick. Well a few years went by and we have us a surprise baby boy. I just left it alone and out the blue we were pregnant starting completely over.

When my husband and I got together, he had a 9 year old son that I adored and he was 29. He didn’t want anymore kids. Lo and behold, we ended up pregnant with our daughter. She’ll be 10 in a week and a half. He said he didnt want anymore after her. She was 2 when we had our son. After that, we were done. Ha! September 2019, we had another little girl. He may feel this way now, but things may change. Either way, I feel like right now isn’t the time to think about more babies. You have a new little one that all of you are adjusting to. It takes time. Don’t think on it too much. Enjoy what you have and have the conversation in 6 months. See how you both feel. You never know. He may be good with another and you may decide you don’t want anymore. It’s funny how things change. Good luck, momma.

Edit to add: I also had a stillborn baby. Back in 2009, I went into preterm labor at 22 and a half weeks pregnant. My son was born sleeping. This was before I met my husband. Just give yourselves time. The emotional wounds from a stillborn baby also need to be healed. He may be scared to have more after having gone through everything with your daughter. Love and prayers for you and your family.

2 Likes

It sounds like your still hormonal
After having bubs

Give it a while And then revisit the the idea at a later date

2 Likes

You have 3 children to love. Enjoy them, they grow up fast.

3 Likes

I know what it’s like to lose a baby and have a rainbow baby, i also have a golden baby,Maybe he said that because you guys lost your previous baby and he’s scared of losing another🤷‍♀️Men greive different than we do.he may change his mind about having kids.

5 Likes

I think in the long run, it would make you resentful. That’s huge to feel like you won’t have more children at 24. I definitely was not okay with only having one child. Baby fever happens naturally for some. Maybe it won’t be planned, but could still happen unexpectedly in the future. Don’t give up on something that important to you.

5 Likes

You have to decide if you’re willing to leave because of it. Not an empty threat, like actually follow through. You have to choose in the end which is more important, your marriage or having another child. You’re perfectly within your right… just as you married a man with 2 kids, he also married a 21 year old with no kids, so you’re not being unreasonable . In the end, it is up to you to decide what you can and can’t live with, or without.

3 Likes

You guys are still very young

Give it time
You guys just had a baby
Maybe in a fee years you guys will be ready

Not only to mention again You guys just had a baby 2 months ago

He’s tired your tired
Life just begun give it time

1 Like

Too old?
My husband and I each had a child prior to us meeting and after we got married we had 1. We were 30.
I know ppl having babies at 40. :woman_facepalming:
I think he needs to tell you the truth; he’s afraid if y’all divorce he won’t be able to afford child support for 4 children.

one of you will have to change your perspective on this. and who knows, maybe in time you’ll decide you don’t want another or he’ll decide he does. I understand you’d like another but also with him already having three, I definitely understand why he doesn’t. I’d say acknowledge the topic, let him know how you really feel. Find out how he really feels and then give it time. Things could change. Then later on down the road if you still disagree figure it out. Kinda like a cross that bridge when you come to it thing. If it had been a couple years after your first I’d say go ahead and deal with the issue, But where you guys just had your daughter I think it would be a good idea to give it time. Idk that’s a hard one. :heart:

I wanted 4 kids, I only have 2. My second pregnancy was very difficult and we had to make very difficult decisions sometimes we don’t get our way. Maybe your husband is scared and love you so much that he doesn’t want to see you hurting again and maybe the lost of your baby was to much for him.

Also start talking now about how you will raise your baby together. He may have good input from raising his boys so far. How long is too long to breastfeed (if you are doing so)? When to start potty training? Rewards & discipline? Spanking yes or no? What about lying, breaking things by accident or on purpose? Allowance: if, when, how much? Spiritual traditions and rites, what to do about a picky eater, who will be your back-ups, emergency contacts, babysitters?

Also: When to start day care, preschool if at all, will you need after school care, how many activities is too much, what will vacations look like? What constitutes an emergency? Who goes to sporting and extracurricular events? Everyone all the time? What if there’s a schedule conflict? Do kids still date?

How old before you can leave them home alone for an hour, in the evening, overnight? What has to happen before they’re allowed sleepovers at others’ houses? What do you need to know before play dates where you drop off your kids? What parameters will you set for what ages? When will they learn to drive, and what conditions must be met? Will you expect them to get a job at 16? How about volunteering expectations for the kids, if any? How about screen time, parental controls on social media, TV shows, videos & music, at different ages & stages? When to begin discussing puberty, how will you approach sex education?
(BTW, “The Care and Keeping of You” and “Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys” come highly recommended.)

It’s great to talk about situations and get on the same page BEFORE it happens (and it will happen sooner than you think). You can always discuss and adjust as time goes on. I recommend having family meetings weekly to discuss any issues & letting kids participate as soon as they can express themselves clearly.

How is your man as a dad? Hands-on? Aloof? Always at work? Laid back? Intense? How well do you parent together? What pushes each of your buttons? These questions/discussions should also figure into your decisions about adding to your family. If you have yet another baby, what will you have to give up to be able to afford it? How big a vehicle will you need to fit all the kids? Could you ever afford a nice vacation for 5? Plane tickets?

Pick one or two topics in advance to discuss every week at the same time so you can both think about it beforehand. Read some parenting books together to help guide you with the latest research. SO much to think about. Get a head start before your little one starts crawling, grabbing everything and putting it in her mouth. :revolving_hearts:

Omg the feels :sob: I’m sorry I know the feeling.

1 Like

My husband was so stuck on only having our daughter that we had early in our relationship and no other babies ever. It bummed me out and for a long time he was set on that, but when our oldest was almost 6 we had our second daughter. Relationships and marriages mature and change, he may not want one now, but one day he might change his mind.

Sounds like to me you are just jealous of the ex and that’s the only reason you are wanting another baby.Be happy with what you have.

2 Likes

Just enjoy your baby " god why are you even thinking about another one just now " think about that in 2 or 3 years time " but for now enjoy what you have "

1 Like

Not reading into this some I’ve seen because my significant other pretty close to 100% opposed to having a second child. I however was 100% against it but it wasn’t a deal breaker. We actually cannot have a second child so we didn’t have to really go through those emotions that she is asking about. Or the way I read it. I wonder how I would have addressed those feelings for myself. I would have been okay with one child but I didn’t say a final no to a second so there would have been some emotions to process. It’s similar to everything else you want in life. It is a want. I wish I could help you from experience but I definitely understand where you’re coming from. Hopefully your husband will be supportive of your emotional process and y’all can do it together. Also work how you see bond and accept your stepchildren. That will also always be a work in progress. I don’t think the ex stole anything from you but I think you miss stated how it makes you feel.

1 Like

The ex didn’t take anything from you. This should have been discussed before marriage.

6 Likes

Sounds like you need to have a proper talk with him. Maybe ask if the chance was there, one more shouldnt be out of the question. That he may feel done, but you are not and feel like you are not being heard. Also bring up the fact that there are plenty of “old dads”. My own father who is 50 something had his last child at 40 and there are plenty of older dads as well. But at the end of the day, its a couple decision and if he says no, you gotta ask if it’s a deal breaker for yourself or not.

1 Like

I would wait a bit…things can change your baby is only new…but didnt you discuss how many kids u wanted before you got married…give him some breathing space first…maybe ask again in a couple of yrs.

1 Like

Right now the thought of another may be overwhelming for him being in the newborn stage all over again. Give him time to adjust and he may change his stance, if he doesn’t you need to decide whether that is something youre willing to accept or not. Give things time to settle with this new baby and maybe bring it up again when your daughter is a bit older. My husband has an 11 year old from a previous relationship and we have 2 together (for reference, ill be 25 in july and he will be 31) our youngest is only a month old and 3 can be hectic, lol. It may just take an adjustment period. He may also be dealing with grief from your angel baby he doesn’t know how to express and the thought of going through that again may be difficult for him to deal with.

3 Likes

It’s not the ex’s fault at all, it’s his decision and he has every right to not want another. He might change his mind in a few years, who knows but playing the blame game is ridiculous, especially when you’re blaming someone who has nothing to do with your relationship at the end of the day. Respect his decision, and if you can’t move past it than that is a you problem and you need to really think about what would be best for you.

5 Likes

You are extremely young and you may want to have many children in your future, you may have to weigh out the fact of whether it’s more important to remain with someone that doesn’t want more and then regret it later or going on with your life and having all the children you want with someone else

Yes. I would have enjoyed having a 2nd child but my ex husband was dead against it.
The time would hv been good for me.
Be grateful for the one you gave and the 2- step. Love those kids

You guys are still young. My sister is having her second at 31 and her partner is 33. My own mum had me at 34.
You guys still got heaps of time

I’m literally in the exact same situation except we have their kids full time, and before our daughter was born he said we could have another one and try for a boy because I always wanted a boy and now he says no but he gave a reason that’s kind of sound logic and is he doesn’t want any of them to not get enough love and he doesn’t even feel like the three we have get enough love equally anyway

I’m 29, my ex is 21. We had our daughter december 2020 and our son January 2022. I have 3 other children and one of them i have zero contact with. I told my ex that i was done having kids and I wanted to live my 30s pregnancy free and focus on getting money and a career so i can buy a home and whatnot. He agrees. We also agreed to consent on having kids in January 2020 before we started trying so we were on the same page with everything. It all depends on who you are willing to not push matters into someones conscience.

Wait until your kid is 2 or 3 years old and you might change your mind about having another one. Mommy hormones are crazy after birth and make you want to get pregnant right away. You might find your hands are already full

2 Likes

This isn’t hís exes fáult. I’d just talk to him

Don’t think abt it , honestly bcoz what’s meant to be will be . If it’s meant to happen it will happen . Live happily with love don’t put stress on a hypothetical

1 Like

I believe your feelings are valid, & I also believe his feelings are valid. Women aren’t the only ones who get to decide when they’re done having children. He has 3 biological children & he isn’t wrong for not wanting more than 3 & he’s not wrong for not wanting any more after a certain age. (I personally have always said I wouldn’t have anymore once I’m 30) You have only 1 biological child & you’re several years younger, so you’re not wrong for wanting more biological children, either.
He could change his mind later on, but also he might not. You have to decide whether or not that is a dealbreaker for you. I would say it’s not right to try to change his mind or make him feel like he has to have more to make you happy, bc then that could lead to resentment later on. You are the only one that can decide how to handle this.

W that all said, please know I am not judging anyone when I say what I’m going to next.
This is why these type of conversations are extremely important to have before marriage. Anyone that is planning on getting married should have a mature, calm, real & deep conversation about all the big things before saying I Do. Of course ppls opinions, & what they feel & want change thru out life, but I feel the big & important things should be throughly thought/talked about before. Both sides should lay out what their deal breakers are, & what they want out of their partner/marriage/life once marriage takes place. I feel both partners wants/expectations etc should align before getting married. Therefore if what they said before marriage changes afterwards, you are able to say ‘that’s not what you said during our conversation about this, etc/whatever the situation may be.’
If both sides are aware of what each other’s deal breakers are, they can then decide whether or not that marriage is right for them. I do realize a lot of times ppl will lie or down play what their deal breakers are, or go back on what they originally said, but if the conversation is truthful between the two, it would save a lot of ppl from ending up divorced.
Again, I want to be clear that I am not judging anyone on how they handle their relationship/marriage. I am 100% aware how things & ppl change over time, or thinking you can handle something then handling it differently once the situation actually arrives. But overall, these things should definitely be discussed first. IMO.

I do wish you the best of luck w whatever you & your husband decide. Like I said before, both of your feelings are 100% valid, & I definitely feel where you’re coming from & why you would feel the way you do. At the same time, I feel where he is coming from & why he would feel the way he does. I’m sorry I have no actual advice on how to handle it, but in the end you are the only one that can decide & you are the one that has to make whatever decision is best for you. No one knows what is best for you, except for you! I do hope y’all are able to come to a mutual decision that will be best for the both of you & y’all’s family! Prayers & good vibes sent your way :pray:t4::heart::sparkles:

Embrace the boys and move on. A man who says 3 is enough, believe him. He ain’t joking. Women don’t listen to women ehnr they say they don’t want a 3rd or 4th child. The women looks for fulfillment from raising kids.
You have two boys from his previous relationship, enjoy being their step Mom and being with them. Enjoy your daughter and get a puppy if you need a small something badly enough. Smaller families are cool too.

1 Like

It’s in no way his exs fault . She didn’t take anything from you.

6 Likes

You’re upset that he doesn’t want more, but think that he should be all good with you wanting more?? Makes no sense at all! You need to know that it’s not all about you. If you don’t feel the same as me, I will resent you for it, is just ridiculous!

1 Like

If you love them to pieces then look at it like you have 4 children as well. I had a daughter before my husband and I had her young. My husband didn’t have any. After years of trying and losses we finally had a daughter together. He say’s he has 2 not 1.

1 Like