How can I cope with my husband not wanting another baby?

She didn’t do anything to you or take anything from you. Him not wanting more is all on him. He knew he was getting with a woman with no children and just as he expects you to adjust for him he should be willing to do so for you.

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Its just crazy that you both didn’t talk about this before getting to the point of marriage and even one baby. Past the point of just walk away. Did he never mention not wanting more than one? Did you say it was fine with just one. Who is the deceiver in the situation or are you both just married to someone you didn’t even have deep convos about important stuff with?

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If you just had a baby I know they can be trying and exhausting for awhile. Maybe he is just living in this moment and is tired. Maybe give him a little time and revisit? I have no reason to offer suggestions since I’m in a similar boat. Hope for the best for you :heart:

Your baby is 2 months old and you are already wanting another. I get it that in time you want another baby but calm down and wait. Give your husband sometime to enjoy his daughter and approach the subject of another baby when the time is right.

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With him having 2 children already i feel like it’s something you should of brought up much sooner, before getting married especially! It isn’t his Exs fault atall & it’s good your husbands only wanting to focus on the 3 he already has instead of just agreeing to another one just for the sake of it.

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It is what it is. He gave you a baby but he’s done after 3. Makes sense.

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I feel you, I feel like you just told my story!
Expect our daughter is 4.5 years now. Up until 2 years ago my partner always wanted more kids. From day 1 he knew I always wanted 3 children. He also was very aware of the fact that I haven’t been on any contraceptive since our daughters birth & he never bothered to use it either… so he was aware I could fall
Pregnant at any time. & he has also always know I could never go
Through with a termination after having 2 when I was younger.
Just so happens I never fell pregnant since the birth of our daughter, until last year when I DID fall pregnant. I was as shocked and surprised he was! It has taken him almost the whole 9 months to come around to idea of a baby coming. We almost broke up at the start because of it.
I’m 35 weeks pregnant & he’s only started to become interested and excited in the last 8 weeks! Before anyone jumps and says I trapped him or something I didn’t I was as shocked as him & in denial, I didn’t plan it either I assumed that after 5 years of it never happening, that it just wasn’t going to happen… so we will see what happens when our beautiful little boy is born :crossed_fingers::woman_shrugging::raised_hands:t2::blue_heart:

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Woah no his ex didn’t take nothing from you considering one of them is 6 and you’ve been together 5 years you’d think his ex has more right to be thinking that. This should been discussed before marrying him and you should also respect his views as 29 year old with a 24 year old boyfriend I’ve been honest he knows I want one more that is it for me. He gave you a baby after already having two his own. If you resent him for it then maybe your not the person for him?

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He may change his mind, me and my partner have been together since I was 14 we have 2 children together one of each 8 and 5 we lost our boy last year 12 weeks pregnant and we currently having our 3rd boy 30 weeks pregnant now but it took us 4 years to get this far and he didn’t want anymore children he was happy with the 2 he had us being so young too when we had ours and I accepted that and then here we are and he now wants one more after this one and then he’s getting the snip things change, it’s definitely not his ex fault try not to fixate something to hate about the situation it will only be toxic for you maybe sit and talk explain how you feel xxx

Sounds like you need to grow up🤷🏼‍♀️

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Give it time, you just had one.

Oh wow its not his exs fault at all have some sense. Didnt you discuss children before you got married? If not that my dear is on you. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, but dont blame someone whos not the butthole here. May come to you leaving and finding someone who does want kids

He’s not too old to have another child at 29. Not when most people now a days don’t start having kids until their 30’s. That’s not really a good excuse. I don’t know what to tell you because that would really bother me too. It’s only going to cause problems down the road. I hope you two find a compromise.

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First of his ex has nothing to do with this… so leave that alone. She took nothing and you knew he had kids and still chose to marry him… why you didn’t talk about this before hand has me baffled… be grateful for your baby girl. …as for your feelings about the ex… get a grip.

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Why didn’t you discuss this before marriage….

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Did you guys have this discussion before getting married? But either way if he says he is done that’s just something you have to accept. Unless you want to leave him and find someone else to have another child with. You have to decide what’s more important.

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I have four of my own all grown,in their 20’s my husband has one 17 yrs when I asked him for us to make one he said “you have I have if we don’t have one of our own it’s fine”and

If this was a man wanting another child & the woman didn’t want one a lot of people would be ripping him a new arsehole saying it’s her body her choice , he doesn’t want more kids & you have to accept that

He already had kids. Did you discuss this before getting married? So e people dont want a huge family. Also the ex came first she didnt take anything from you. He had kids and you choose him and he choose you.

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My hubby and I will both be 33 by the time I deliver our 1st in August, not too old by a long shot!

These are things you should have discussed prior to marriage.

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My dad was 38 when him and my mom had me :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging: I am now 31 and get my young looking genes from my dad!!

At this point, you have a few options since you didn’t discuss this prior to marriage like you should have.

1.) Get over thinking the ex “took” something from you. You chose him knowing full well he came with a past family. (This is more of a “just do it” than a “you should do it”).

2.) Come to terms that you won’t have another.

3.) Hope he changes his mind. Don’t hassle him about it, it’s not fair to him when he’s made himself clear.

4.) Divorce him and try to get remarried to someone else that wants you and your daughter, as well as more kids with you.

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You need to talk to him also remember he lost the daughter too and he had to see you go through that pain maybe that’s part of the reason he doesn’t want anymore the what if something goes wrong. Plus you have just had this precious daughter enjoy her for now. The ex has nothing to do with any of it too x

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You have a wee new bsbe…don’t even think about another one yet…just enjoy what you have without creating drams…a couple of years may make all the difference…

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Take a breath, enjoy your 2 month old and give him some time… Y’all just had a child, so asking to have another child may have freaked him out. He may or may not change his mind later on.

Trust me when I say you’ll appreciate a gap between the two (if he changes his mind). I had my first son March of 2014 and my second Aug of 2015. Not much time in between the two. I love my boys to pieces but I wish we would have had more one on one time with our first.

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Isn’t this part of what is discussed before marriage?

Well being resentful toward either of them is silly. You knew he had kids prior to dating him. You should have had that discussion before having a child together.

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Let the baby be a baby, your hormones are still up, you have plenty of time. He may change his mind, or things may change. Slow down

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He’s not old to have a child. However, he may feel is enough for him to take care of 3 kids emotionally and financially. Especially in they are going to school and all of that, it’s very expensive to have kids.
You need to talk it out with him, just don’t force him to have another kid. Otherwise, he may resent you in the future. He still have time to change his mind. However the burdern of having an extra kid it must be a lot not only for you but for him. It is a lot paying for shool, child support, etc… Since, he needs to be actively present in his 2 kids lives.

I had my youngest at 31. I lost my last baby at 34. Y’all have time if you choose.

I don’t have any advice for you, but some clarity. His ex didn’t take anything from you. HE is robbing you with HIS decision.

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Maybe you have the post postpartum blues? You seem a little sad. And I get it due to 2019 baby. You are truly blessed. It’s hard to find really good responsible men, who want to be a father to their children. Enjoy your babies because now you have 2 boys and a baby girl. Love them as much as you can. Count your blessings. Enjoy your new family.

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My boyfriend and I have 2 daughters. Both are rainbow babies. After my second miscarriage it was hard on my boyfriend to want another child as he was scared we would lose the baby again… Shortly after the miscarriage I found out I was pregnant and he was scared. Then our daughter was born. He is 28 and says he doesn’t want another one but I do but I also understand he doesn’t want the risk of losing the baby.
You just had a baby. Give it time. Let the baby grow up some and maybe he will come around. If not you have 3 beautiful kids in your life that will need every ounce of love from you.

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Maybe he’ll change his mind in a couple of years. He’s not too old to have another…my dad had 3 more children with my step mom at 39, 42, and 46. It’s all about his mentality about the situation

All of you saying “You should have discussed this before marriage” or “Since you didn’t discuss before marriage”… Sometimes things change.
My husband and I have been together 11 years, married 8.5, have a 7 year old and a 4 year old… We always agreed on 2 kids… Until I was pregnant with my 2nd… I thought he was a girl, and he was a boy. I’d always wanted 2 boys, but when I’d convinced myself he was a girl, I got excited for a girl and was a little sad. My hubby said suddenly “We can try once more in a few years”.
At the time I said “No way! I’m done”

Flash forward to recently, I have an intense longing for another baby, whether it be boy or girl. Hubby is now dead against it, as I had 2 difficult deliveries/problems afterwards and he doesn’t want to risk it and says we’re fine with 2.

Alot if factors in the last 5 years have gone into 2 mind changes.

So don’t assume.

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Both me and my husband didn’t want anymore kids cause he has 3 and I have 2 but being together 7 years at the end of this month we ended up getting pregnant anyway and the baby is due tomorrow.

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My situation was the same when I married. I told him before we got married, I know you already have two children, but I always planned on 3 of my own. However, I’ll settle for two of my own. He did the same after our first together. I was resentful, so one day I threw my pills away and told him. He took no reliable precautions, so o got my second. Talk with yours.

This has nothing to do with her quit placing the blame on another woman. We are suppose to lift each other up not place blame on someone that has nothing to do with them. This is your husbands fault and not anyone else.

You need to give the man time. Lol you just had one. 2 kids and a newborn can be overwhelming…. 3 kids, and a newborn is probably intimidating right now. Give him a few years and then come back to the subject, but also don’t force it.

I’ve been thinking on it with my husband. We have 2 kids currently but I’ve been thinking heavily on a third, but he’s firm on just 2. That being said, I was also firm on just 2, but after a little while I started to get lost in my thoughts of another…

No matter how much I want another, I still take his feelings into consideration.

It is what it is.
If you really can’t shake the feeling of wanting another, ease it on him later when your baby is a little older.

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Ok well 1, you need to remove that irritation with your husbands ex. She didn’t rob you of anything. It’s not like you were with your husband and he cheated with her and had kids. And 2, you can be upset, but you can’t make your husband want another baby. Try talking to a counselor maybe, or do a couple sessions of marriage counseling. See if you guys can come to an understanding of each other.

I didn’t know 29 is old. I had my first at 33

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Give it time you just had a baby you guys are still adjusting to that

Just breathe and let God take the lead :raised_hands::pray: He will give you everything you need you just have to be grateful and blessed with the things he has already given you :heart:

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I had my first at 26. Now 32 and have a 1 year old and 5 month old. If you just had a baby. Wait a year or two before you decide if you really want another or not. Having 3 kids is hard, so try to understand where he is coming from too.

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3 kids is a lot. True love and Resentment don’t mix. But you respect that he doesn’t want more. But you don’t have to be the one on birth control.

You can always leave and have another child with another man.

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You just had a baby why are you not enjoying being a mom instead you are stressing about another baby. It’s too soon give it time of course he’s going to say no I don’t want another one you just had one just because he feels like this now doesn’t mean he’s not going to change his mind. Congratulations on your daughter enjoy her and good luck with everything remember give it time and don’t stress over some thing that you are not 100% about

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I always respected my husband’s wishes. Always.He gave you his reasons. If it is meant to be, it will.You already have a daughter by him and you said you lost a baby. That would be 2 . one is in heaven. I would be thankful for what I have and let the future take care of itself.

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he is your husband & this really is something you guys should have talked about before you got married, I would respect his wishes, 3 kids is a lot, yes only one is yours, But there will come a day, when there is college, & marriage & that does cost…a lot, If you want more kids, than divorce him & find someone who wants more kids, If you think, that one is enough, be happy & lucky, especially if your husband is a good guy, loves you, his daughter & his boys, Be happy. And of course you can be sneaky & get pregnant anyway, but in the end, he just might leave you, Lying to one you are supposably in love with , is NEVER a good thing Once a lair always a lair.

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I would look at it from his view too. Maybe he is thinking about his future. Like when he can start enjoying full alone time with you when you don’t have young children around that you have to constantly be there to give them your full attention. Or maybe he’s working hard to pay for the family he has right now and adding another child could be financially straining on him. Idon’t think anyone should be forced to have a child be it woman or man. You might resent him but he might resent your child and thats not fair either. Things could change down the line. Maybe give it a while you do have a young baby and that is probably scaring him thinking of having a baby already.

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You just had a baby, give him time to enjoy this one. It may change his mind.

try paying for 3 kids in college! 3 is enough !

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My husband has a son from a previous marriage and we had 2 together before we decided to be done and he got a vasectomy. We conceived another child after his vasectomy (yes after the dr checked his samples and said he was good to go :joy:). He had a vasectomy in November 2020, we conceived Feb 2021 and our son was born Nov 2021. Sometimes life just finds its own way. While it was a shock and a WTF moment for a bit we very happily welcomed this baby into our lives. My 2nd child was actually conceived on bc. When it’s meant to be its meant to be I guess lol. Try to give it time. Maybe he will come around to the idea once the newest child isn’t so young

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Maybe you will divorce him and meet someone else that wants a baby. You never know what the future holds.

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Having a newborn is stressful. Just wait a little while.

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Do you really need more?

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Too old at 29? I’m 41 and my daughter will be 1 in two weeks. Lol
Give it some time He may change his mind.

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Never too old to have a baby. My husband will be 49 in May, and I’m 35. I have 6 kids from a previous relationship, and him and I have a 19mo old together conceived via IVF.

I worried about his age and raising a baby again but he’s the most amazing father.

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Cant resent the ex. That was before yall. You can be upset with him but it may not change anything, and can create animosity. There has to be compromise somewhere. Me and my boyfriend have a running joke that eventually ill have another baby without him cause hes done and im not but i know its not the best option for us. If you want more it may take lots of changes. Like becoming single.

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I kinda understand how you feel. I’m not in the same situation exactly as we are both open to having another child yet not really wanting another child if that makes any sense.

But I get how you get the feeling of wanted your little one to have a whole sibling to grow up with. My son has half siblings but they are older and have never really been in each other lives. Sometimes I think about my son being alone once I’m gone so it makes me want another. My husband used to be totally against it too but over the years he’s warmed up. And of course I get baby fever now again so I get all mushy. He’s starting to grow into the idea.

Give it time. He could change his mind ! The baby is still new and most people say they are done rite after having a new baby… enjoy being a mommy and let it go for now… whi knows what the future may present to you … congrats on the baby :baby:

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I understand this completely my husband has 2 kids from two different marriages and when we had our first I let him know I wanted one more which he didn’t agree to i let it go for a few months and when my daughter was 8 months we talked again and he agreed that we would have another baby the following year. But to our surprise we convinced that same month lol :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: we were both done now but god had other plans for us and we welcomed our baby #3 October 2020. I say let it go for now enjoy your baby when she’s a little older talk about it and tell him how you feel he might change his mind just like. My husband did

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Im sorry, but this is a conversation that you should have had with your husband BEOFRE you married him.

Aside from that, you just had a baby 2 months ago. Kids are expensive and exhausting. Trying to talk to him about another baby 2 months after having a baby, probably isn’t a good idea. Give it some time. Enjoy the boys. Enjoy your brand new little girl. In a year or two, bring it up again and go from there.

And his ex didn’t rob you of anything. You knew he already had two kids when you got with him. Once upon a time, him and his ex thought they were going to last forever. He didn’t know you and wasn’t thinking about you when he and her were having babies. So don’t start shit over some made up scenario in your head when it comes to her.

His ex took nothing from you. This should have been discussed before marriage not after

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Just wait no pressure, maybe in a year or two he’ll feel differently, if not you have to respect that. That’s just part of being a blended family. You have plenty of time. I had my son at 32

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29 is not too old! I just had my 3rd at 30 last year. My husband and I keep going back and fourth on a 4th on or not. We know time is of the essence because we are looking forward to our empty nest in our 50s :sweat_smile: I don’t really have any advice but it definitely takes two! Tell your hubby 29 is still young :heart::heart::heart::heart:

29 is not old :rofl: I would just sit and talk with him and get more details. There’s more to just not thinking you are young enough. Then decide if there’s a compromise or not

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Maybe just give it some time. He may just be overwhelmed with two younger kids and a baby. Maybe once the other two get a little older, and he also gets a little older and realizes his 30s arent “old” by any means, he may see things differently. I’d just soak up every moment of good with your little one while they’re little!

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You cant change the past. He has 2 sons from another relationship that was their choice. Enjoy your baby girl an pray he changes his mind.

Give it time. You both are young and need it

The baby is a newborn, so he may just be really stressed and he may even change his mind before long.
Also, I am also so sorry for the loss of your daughter in 2019.:sparkling_heart:

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I feel your pain, but I would just wait. My husband wants to done having kids by 40, and he’ll be 39 this year. We were not on the same page about another baby, he kept telling me he didn’t want another one. My step daughter is almost 19, and our little one is 2.5. He changed his mind, but I have no idea when we’ll start trying this year.

:grimacing: “his ex took that from me” yikes. it’s not her fault she had 2 kids with the man before they even knew you existed. They didn’t even know they were going to split up.
Your baby is only 2 months old. Give it time wait afew years and talk to him about. It again. If another baby is that serious then you probably married the wrong man. You already have 3. Even if 2 are only part time.

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This world is not hood place to bring kids into. Cherish ur daughter with him and enjoy his boys. U been gifted 2 boys. 3 is def enough cause times r hard and gonna get harder. Congrats on ur new girl. Daddy will spoil her rotten.

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Sounds like a convo you should have had before saying “I do”. And sorry, but his ex didn’t “take anything” from you by having his first two children.
You’ll have to decide if that is a deal breaker for you; the not having more of your own.
If it is, looks like you have your answer.

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The problem here is: we are taught to choose a partner based on romantic feelings, and not based on “Do we have a compatible life project?”. It’s not your fault if no one taught you to ask “How many more kids do you see yourself having?”, but it’s also not his. It’s always heartbreaking when at least 1 of you won’t get to have the exact life you want :broken_heart:

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Give it time hun. Sometimes things happen that aren’t planned too. And the whole too old thing? Lol I’m 25 and my fiance is 41 and we have an 18 month old… so… yeah "too old’ is definitely an opinion/perspective thing

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Therapy. You have to decide if losing this man you adore is a reasonable price for the potential of another child you aren’t guaranteed to have. Whatever you do, do NOT push him to have another child or try to convince him to change his mind. Consent under duress is not consent. Agreeing to have another just to appease you would be bad for him and your relationship. Use reliable birth control and don’t start hoping for an “oopsie” baby. That would be a quick way to alienate him and plant the seeds for resentment. Every child deserves to be WANTED and he doesn’t want another.

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You just had a baby 2 mod ago. Give it a min. He may change his mind and he may not. Then you will have to decide if you want another baby do badly that you would break up the family you already have. Then you will have to find someone else, date, donall that stuff and then get pregnant again. You’re still young, so it could totally happen. You have a family now though and if you aren’t happy with them, then they deserve for you to tell them now…not wait till you can’t have another baby.

Give it time. He may change his mind.
Or
Leave him, divorce him, start a new life with a man who wants more but don’t take that little girl from him. He will spoil her, she is his only daughter.
Or
He doesn’t want anymore cause he has what he wants, he has his boy may be more then one but he has boy and now you gave him a girl. My fiancee had a boy before we got together and his son is 18 and has nothing to do with us but we had two boys till we had our girl and our last boy was a surprise/unexpected. All my fiancee wanted was a girl since he had his boy.

Also a bright side to having two boys that’s a bonus for you is that your daughter has two older brothers that can protect her and help her learn how to defend herself against anyone. I’m glad I had two boys then a girl, my boys are so overprotective over their little sister.

Be glad!

This is why you need to have these conversations before you get married. 3 children is more than enough for some people. His EX also took NOTHING from you. And I don’t blame him for not wanting to be older and having kids :woman_shrugging:t2: if HE feels like he’s too then that’s how he feels and that matters as well, it’s not all about you.

I’ve always said after 30 I’m not gonna have anymore kids coming outta me, but since we’ve been trying for 4yrs now if I’m over 30 having my 2nd then so be it at this point.

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Whoa! His ex took this from you?! I’m pretty sure she wasn’t thinking about what another woman would want from her husband/boyfriend while they were together having children :woman_facepalming:

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You should of talked about this b4 marring him.!

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Why don’t you give it time mayby he doesn’t want one right now and by the sounds of it ye don’t need another at this moment that could change in time :hugs:

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Worry about healing from your 1st birth and then think about having another baby. Who knows, ur husband might change his mind. I wouldn’t press the issue though.

3 enough pour your live into them, kids r expensive, plus you and your husband can travel and enjoy life at a young age.

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It’s actually 100% up to you! You’re the one that can decide to take birth control or not take it.

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Did u speak with him about how many kids you all wanted before getting married ? The conversation never came up in 5 years usually things u talk about before getting married . Also it’s not his exes fault they probably didn’t plan on splitting up and he probably thinks he has alot on his plate to be financially responsible for 3 kids already . I would enjoy the child u have now and stop resenting people you should have had this conversation years ago

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:rofl: I didn’t even have my first kid until I was 31. Never even considered becoming a parent before that.

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You will want another one. He is not even close to too old.

Are you serious right now? How can you blame his ex for anything? Maybe this is a conversation YOU should have had before you married him. You should get counseling on how to be accountable for your own actions. Your husband and his ex had a life together before you came along. That’s is a fact that you cannot change. They had two children together. And now you feel you need to have as many children as he did with his ex? You need to take a break. Your body has been through it for the past few months. Why are you pressed to do this now? You’re only 24. He’s only 29. That’s not elderly! Geesh! Give him time and he may change his mind. But if you start running around his back and plotting to deceive him, guess what’s going to happen? He’s going to divorce you too. So if you love him, stop what you’re doing! Stop nagging him. Get some counseling. This marriage is NOT all about you and what you want.

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I had my first child when I was 29, two months shy of 30. It’s definitely not too old

You should have communicated this before having a kid and getting married. You can’t blame an ex when you didn’t speak your mind lol. He’s not the only man in the world.

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Chill tf out you only just had a baby. Things may change in a year or 2, just love the life ur living in the moment don’t worry about tomorrow

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I’m 27 and my husband is 34. We have 4 kids and our youngest is about to be 1.
He was completely against it when our fourth was born and I wanted another so bad already, but now he’s asking me for another and I’m not really sure I want more. :rofl:
Things change! Give it time. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Unfortunately this is why mine is my ex

His ex didn’t take anything from you. Good grief. These are things that are supposed to be discussed before marriage takes place.

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You got with him when his last child was 1. Not sure what happened between the two of them, but maybe he doesn’t want more to take a chance of not being with them and raising them? Maybe your loss of a child scared him? Men have feelings they don’t often share. I think it’s sad that you think his ex is at fault she’s not, she robbed you of nothing. You made the choice to be with a man that has children, from the way you talk your allowed to be apart of the children life. So you can decide to be happy being a good mother to the 3 of them. Or be selfish and unhappy that you want another and your husband doesn’t. You should have known how he felt about children and what he wanted and decided before marrying him and if you would be ok with that!!

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Give it time. He may change his mind. I was 36 and my husband was 39 when we had our youngest.

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“She” didn’t take anything from you. And neither are “too old”.
We were 40 and 43 with our last.

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