No nope don’t let ur husband get involved in this
Move forward without telling her husband
It’s their ordeal. Maybe he does deserve to know but it’s not up to u or ur husband to tell him.
It’s sad to hear that’s the hold up in ur counseling sessions…still all about her😐
I think I would be focusing on this
I would want to know. So if I was the other person’s spouse, I would hope someone would tell me. I also think it could be a big step for your husband to get the closure he needs to move on.
It sounds like your husband is still focused on the wrong relationship and so is the therapist, especially if he/she supports disturbing another families peace for your husband’s continued selfish behavior.
Are they friends? Family? Why would this be a focus in getting back on track with his WIFE! It’s not about ‘you would want to know’ or ‘he should know’. He may already know. That is their relationship. If it survives this then good: two relationships survive.
Your husband sounds like a jealous ex-boyfriend regarding this other woman. Big question mark!!!
You’re feeling this hesitancy for a reason, trust that feeling. In hindsight it is ALWAYS right.
He could want to cause turmoil in that relationship so the woman will come running to him. At this point you can not trust any reasoning he has towards them.
His emotions and actions,
If he wants to redeem himself, should be focused on you and your family alone! Period!!!
Good luck! Trust yourself!
If your husband was really remourseful about what he had done, and, put you through, he would not see it fit to continue to drag you through the pain of what he caused. He would want to cut all ties with her and move on with you. His behaviour is not consistent with his words! There is a saying that people ask for advice when they already know the answer, but, wish they did’nt. Love yourself more!
I’d say he will figure it out, she’ll do it again without a doubt, best of luck to you
I personally think he only wants to let the husband know because he got caught and she didn’t. He has to deal with the mess he has caused and the other woman does not. I think it’s kind of a jealousy thing. Like a, “it’s not fair that I got caught, she did it too” type of thing. But I could be wrong.
I would concentrate on each other and move on if that’s what you have decided. I don’t mean to sound harsh but if you get involved in what is inevitably going to be a drama you are wasting precious time and energy on her when you need to concentrate on yourselves. Leave karma to bite her in the bum. Whatever you do I hope you have a positive outcome all the luck in the world to you. X
I would want to know if my spouse was being a dirt bag behind my back.
I’ve always heard the more you stir the pot the worse it stinks. I say leave it alone. Karma will take care of it. Focus on you and your husband. Continue working on your relationship.
He should be told. It may sound petty, but she is a scumbag and needs to be called out. That kind of woman gets off on feeling like she can take someone else’s man. Please tell her husband.
He needs to be told. Absolutely
Um yeah if I was in your shoes I’d leave if he truly loved you then thinking about someone else wouldn’t be a thought but as far as telling the husband I’d tell him and let it go from there but that’s just me I know I’d want to know
I don’t think I could ever forgive my husband but that’s just me. I have major trust issues because people have major lying issues. Once you lie to me, it’s hard for me to ever trust you again and in most cases I never will trust you again after being betrayed by you.
My husband and I lived with another couple for some time when we found out that the female was cheating. She brought over one of the guys she was seeing when my husband and I told the guy and he felt so guilty because he didn’t know she was in a relationship and he called her boyfriend to tell him. Her boyfriend had a lot of respect for the guy because he came forward. The roommates boyfriend was mostly upset because he had given her $4,000 to spend on furniture for the house and he never saw a penny back. I’d tell him now what happened and then be done with it. Call and tell him and then let’s done be done.
Probably not well received, but my opinion is that your husband needed to find something that was missing in your relationship. Likely walls he built for himself. He needed to connect — maybe doing it with you made him feel too vulnerable. If you both are willing to work through it, then he accomplished his goal. I know he might have been considering leaving, but he didn’t. Work on your communication with each other. What that other couple does is no concern of yours. Let them deal with that. You’re still together and hopefully stronger for the experience. Find out how each of you communicate freely and feel like you can share.
I think if it were me and I was in your shoes I would be the one to tell the man that my husband came clean and cut off the affair he deserves to know exspecially because it was not his wife ending it but best of luck to you and yours I pray everything works out the way god wants it to
Maybe he wants to tell the husband because he feels bad for being the other man. And needs to be a man and speak up about how low he and the other wife are🤷 some men need complete closure if they actually have a soul
I would want to know and I would hope I would be told. Every time I was cheated on, I found out from other people and I’m happy I did cuz the person never would have came through. A few didn’t even when I had proof. My ex gf told me that she didn’t even tho I had a feeling and then when the other chick told me, she tried to blame it on me. So to me, having the info for sure is the best thing. Cuz not being sure is what killed me every time and I would have wasted a lot more time if I hadn’t. The worst was when I thought everything was good and we were happy. So I never would have left without finding out she was cheating. So I vote to tell him. It will probably save a lot of heartache for him in the long run!
He deserves to know. you wanted to know. Kids or not… an unhappy home always shows isnt always good to stay
He needs to leave it alone. It will only stir crap up & give him an opportunity to possibly speak to her again. That is their problem & that guy will figure it out in his time. Your husband needs to be worrying about y’all’s marriage & not about theirs. That ain’t his business & if he’d minded his business to begin with he wouldn’t have caused all this to begin with.
I feel like emotional cheating is hard to come back from even more so than you hysical because you can be physical with someone and not love them or have a connection with them but emotional cheating is harder because there is connection vulnerability and true emotion there the only thing I can recommend is marriage counseling and trying to be more there for each other and involved as well as privy to one another’s needs until you can return to your comfort zones again
Check out Esther perels work
I met my current boyfriend bc he told me his wife was cheating on him with my now ex husband 10 years ago. I’m grateful I was told what happened.
Personally, I’d want to know as well. However, be prepared to not be believed, prepared for this person to try and take revenge by any means. I’ve found people don’t like their dirty work to come to light and they’ll lash out at any and everything.
I would let him tell the other man. He’s taking responsibility for his actions, and the other woman involved should be held accountable for hers too. I’d wanna know if my significant other was doing this. She’s likely to do it again if she doesn’t think her husband will find out.
I tell spouses when this kinda thing happens. Screenshot and send him the messages. If you dont have the messages to screenshot, then I would let it all go. Everyone needs proof, either way, you will be the bad guy to someone.
Leave those people alone. Continue to work on yourself.
Don’t always assume the other husband WANTS to know. Just saying. Some people just do not want to know.
I think if he feels it will help him move past this, you should let him. I think I would want my husband to tell in this situation and I know I would want to be told… if he is being honest with you, then he probably needs to be honest in every aspect to completely move forward.
If you are ready for all the drama that will come from telling her husband then so be it and stir the pot !! Concentrate on healing and renewing your own marriage ! Nobody is giving out gold stars for revenge therapy , he will surely find out about her affair , for if she is that unhappy , she will do it again !! #dontdoa jerryspringershow
Give the wife a chance to own up to her husband about her cheating. Tell her you will give her x amount of time to come clean and then your husband can tell the husband himself. Ultimately the husband should know. But the wife should woman up 
Stay in your own lane and worry about your own relationship. Leave the other couple alone - you have no idea what they’re going/been through and ratting her out isn’t making you any better in your relationship so it’s not worth it. Plus, if she’s crazy, it could put you in a really bad place if you rat her out.
If my partner wad sneaking around behind my back, I would want to know.
And I just want to say that I am so sorry that this happened to you. My dad did this shit to my mom all the time and it was hard on all of us.
I have been “the other woman” unknowingly… I chose not to tell the woman her partner was pursuing me and a few years later their issues came out on their own. I wondered if I should have told her… but with other people’s families involved (she had a child), I figured it was his mess to face at some point. I’m with you- move your family past it and don’t think about her or her family or her battles- they aren’t yours anymore.
What goes on in someone else’s marriage is none of your business. Worry about your own marriage. You have enough to deal with, without the drama that will come out of it.
I would want to know as a wife BUT not everyone wants to know. Sometimes your relief is someone’s grief, you know? You know what he did and that’s what matters, ultimately. I’m a firm believer that what happens in the dark always gets brought to light. I feel that you would just add more unnecessary stress to your own life should this woman retaliate, because honestly any woman trying to drag a man out of his marriage while she is in one herself is an awful person. I mean seriously, just leave the marriage. I’d feel really hurt by all of it as I’m sure you do, but if you want to fix your marriage, make it about just you two. And cut the baggage with this other woman. Your husband was in the wrong, he’s 50% of that betrayal and even though it’s great he told you, he still owes this other woman the right to tell her own husband. Because had she told you first, would you even have given him the opportunity to fix the marriage? I hope she finds it in her heart to own up to what she’s done. I think your husband should disconnect from anything that even has to do with that woman… he needs no reason to wrap himself up into her life by being the one to tell the husband. Because he’ll look like the bad guy no matter what. Because he also knew she was married as well. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, and I give you a TON of credit. You’re strong, good luck 
Tell the other husband
I dont think url should worry about the other couple. Concentrate on your marriage and do the best to make it work. The other man is not your husband’s problem and your husband was entraining another man’s wife. So best is work on urls relationship and I’m sure the other will sort out there’s.
Honestly I think only you can know the answer. I wouldn’t get involved in the other couples marriage, just focus on yours, really think what’s better for yourself and your happiness, will you ever trust this man again? Do you understand that sometimes good people do bad things? He made a mistake but maybe something isn’t quite right in your marriage and these things do happen if somethings blocking a happy marriage. Idk up to you 
I think it’s really none of either of your business. That’s their life and if she’s not a good woman than that sucks for him but to throw a grenade into their life because your had one in yours over this isn’t appropriate. I think he wants to make her feel bad to. I think he thinks this will ease his conscience but in reality its between them and kinda outline. Focus on yourselves and your marriage and leave theirs alone
In your own words you just said if it were you you would want to be told.
In my opinion, you need to not worry about what’s going on in somebody else’s marriage. Dial in on what’s going on with yours and he’ll yours. If his wife did this with your husband, she will do it with someone else eventually, karma is unforgiving. Stop worrying about everybody else’s demons that they’re carrying and tackle your own. #BeenThereDoneThat
Seems as tho hes mad because the other husband doesn’t know but who cares he should mind his own business he chose to stay and be with you that should be enough for him…
Yup. Definitely let him. So the other guy has no clue about it? Will the woman just do it again with someone else? He should totally know, so he can make up his mind on what he wants to do. It sucks being cheated on, I know first hand, and had ANY of the women come forward and told me maybe my self worth wouldn’t be in the trash can. Best of luck to you and your marriage. No one should have to feel the pain of someone cheating on them.
He should be told so they can heal their marriage
Im reading you talking your husband up a lot and almost sticking up for him.
I think you need to dig deep within yourself and ask yourself why are you so invested in this one issue.
It seems huge and a massive burdon for you, yet none of it is your doing.
I think theres more to him wanting to contact the other womans partner, why would he care if hes not invested in their relationship.
Sorry, I think hes playing games.
Tell the other husband.
He deserves to know.
No good deed goes unpunished. Avoid the drama.
Can you say bye. That’s the one you found out about how many others were or are there
It comes down to one thing:
If the roles were reversed, would you want to be told? You said you would, so in my opinion, there’s your answer.
Their marriage is not your business. He probably has an idea, but telling him forces him to make a choice to deliberately live with those circumstances, or file for divorce. It’s better to stay out of it.
Focus on yourselves. He should be no contact with any part of that and if he’s truly over it, he should not want to be.
I divorced my husband after he had an affair, but did not tell the other woman’s husband. Reason, my family, children, were torn apart. The marriage and him, I no longer cared about, but the family unit I did, and it was destroyed. I did not want the other woman’s family to be destroyed like mine, so I remained quiet. She needed to tell her husband herself, or eventually will have to answer to God. Take care of you and your family, karma will come in time to the other woman.
If he’s not 100% focused on HIS family and focusing on her’s at this point, I would cut my losses… take some time to think things through. He has no business being emotionally invested in ANYONE else but you. It would bother the hell out of me that he wanted to get entangled in that.
I would want to know.
Unlike some other women I view an emotional relationship differently than an actual physical contact cheating one and he came to you and confessed it and doesn’t want to throw your marriage away. You’re in counseling and that’s something. I think if he agrees to a joint email or at least giving you his password always do nothing like this could ever happen again, you both could work this out. That is only if you can get past it and forgive him for it. Make a new start in your relationship together rediscover your love for one another!! Don’t throw away 12 years of marriage for something that technically didn’t even meet up. But don’t stay if you can’t forgive him. Think about it truly . And the other husband needs to know. She may have done this to others not just your man.
If he’s truly cut ties with her then neither of you need to have anything to do with their lives. It’s different if it is a friend of yours who needs to know but this is a stranger. Who says she hasn’t told him anyway? How would your husband still know what is going on in her life?
Maybe your husband feels the need to tell the man, not just so the man knows, but so he can truly be clean and accountable to ALL PARTIES. That woman’s husband is a party here. With that said, he deserves the same opportunity y’all have to figure out what is missing in his marriage and either decide to end it or to work on it. Yes. You should absolutely allow him and encourage him to heal himself and move forward with a clear conscience. If he feels the need to tell the man, allow it to happen.
I would tell him… he has a right to know and what’s saying she won’t find someone else to leave her husband for… maybe this will give him a heads up just in case it does happen
I would tell him because he has a right to know. And the same opportunity to rebuild as you and your spouse are. I hope for happiness for you 
Honestly. Marriage is fucking hard. and when you’ve been with somebody for this long it’s possible to get through these things. I personally think that you should absolutely tell him. They shouldn’t be living a lie. Plus, If it helps you and your husband feel better about the situation- then it’s probably worth doing. I think in a way you would be doing a disservice as humans by not telling this man what happened. I’m really glad to hear that therapy is working for the both of you and I really hope you both stick with it.
I agree with Pauline, giving him a heads up that it may happen may be big help to him just in case anything does happen and she does leave him. Good luck on everything though, you’re doing your best!
He should be told. And that woman should be punched 
I wish the best for you and your man. It turned out better for you than it does for most
I would tell her husband he deserves to know. And also I think your doing the right thing trying to work on your marriage and if it doesn’t work out like u say at least u can say u tried. Wish u all the best and hope you and your husband can move forward from this x
It sounds almost like your husband sees reaching out to her husband as closure for him. I think it will probably help him get rid of the guilt, close that chapter, and move on. So I say go for it!
Her husband needs to be told. He deserves to find someone that wants to be with him. And your husband owes him an apology too.
Tell the husband and throw them both in the trash
You should leave. He only wants to tell the other man to assure that relationship ends. He is still planning to leave. His remorse is not for what he did to you rather what isn’t happening to the woman he loves. Just because you’ve been doing it a long time doesn’t mean it’s right. Conversely if you don’t have to be who he loves but will possibly stay committed to you’ll be fine. Good luck.
Let him tell the other male . It will be good for your guys trust rebuilding and it shows respect to a fellow man that he came clean on his own mistakes for that gentleman’s feelings and well being . That takes a big man ! Good luck sweet lady sending prayers for you and your mate to heal and find peace as a team again !
Yea tell him. They could use some healing for their marriage.
His heart is in the wrong place and this shouldn’t be any concern of his.
Maybe he wants to tell the husband to make sure they split up, seems a bit strange to me that hes so concerned about the other man knowing the truth when he wasnt concerned about the man when he was having an emotional affair with his wife!
His wife needs to be the one to tell him…worry about fixing your marriage not theirs…
While dude deserves to know, would you have wanted her to tell you about your spouse and her? She needs to tell him, not your husband. He needs to move on. That’s a form of not letting her go.
Just as a decent human being, I’d tell the husband. Or have him tell. Regardless of your husbands reasoning, the other guy deserves to know. If you’d want to know, he’d want to know.
Leave the woman’s husband alone. For all you know, he could have been part of her game. If not, the truth will come to light eventually. Ask him why it matters to him. It sounds like he is still emotionally invested in the other woman.
Well he should of thought of the other people involved before being a fucking idiot. My advice is he’s broken so just throw the bitch away because honestly you deserve better than to have to have your husband cheat on you and his most pressing concern is the other ladies husband… no fuck him.
I think he feels like he wronged this man and needs to make amends before he can fully forgive himself. I think he should tell him. I do wonder though if he only knows her online how does he know how to conact her husband?
Ok well it’s really great that you guys are getting help. He sounds very remorseful and regrets it big time so give him another chance to prove himself to you. As to the telling the lady’s husband… I agree with your husband. He deserves to know. Try putting yourself in his place. You’d for sure want to know. I know it will hurt him and could possibly break up a family but he DESERVES someone that can be honest like your husband did for you. He should KNOW his wife isn’t happy so they can work on whatever isn’t working in their marriage her like you are doing with your husband. If they can’t work it out then it’s not your fault for telling him. It’s whatever issues they are having as a couple that are at fault.
Focus on your marriage and leave them alone. Unless you just want to punish her for what she did. If not then spare the husband the pain. You found out in your own time, he too will find out sooner or later. Your husband is an asshole for wanting the innocent man to feel pain. Leave them be! Her actions will catch up with her.
No need to educate others. You could end up having a divorce over it all bc then she would be “available”.
Tell the other husband for sure if I were in those shoes I’d want to know kids or not. also continue working on your own marriage and I hope things work out for you
Stop worrying about their marriage, you guys have enough to be working on. I also feel like your husband feels this way because the “other women” probably got mad and he’s looking for some type of revenge or he feels he needs to know if their marriage was rocky or not. He’s not doing it to be “kind” because if he was worried about her husband, he would have NEVER got involved.
Sounds like hes still holding onto her any way he can get.
I would not be ok with my sorry husband continuing to make their marriage his business.
Your husband does NOT feel badly for her husband, AT ALL.
While I appreciate the work he has done and continues to do, the literal only thing he could possibly stand to gain is NOTHING.
If he genuinely believes (and you do as well) that he is not only remorseful but being COMPLETELY honest as well, why does he feel the need to
To a degree, I think the “other woman’s” husband should know. But it seems REALLY FUCKING WEIRD that your husband thinks and believes he is entitled to do so.
Fuck that woman. And your husband. If y’all work on it, work it out, whatever, good for y’all.
But I hope you seriously SERIOUSLY consider WHY you’re husband feels he is entitled to take action when he was the literal cause of it.
Also, I hope that if your husband is ignorant enough to inform the “other woman’s” husband of HER transgressions (that again, up until being caught, he had no issue with) that he lays your husband flat the fuck out.
Cheating is cheating is cheating is cheating. PERIOD. You can decide your worth, what you do or don’t want, but your husband is playing you like a fiddle. And your therapist as well.
He didn’t care about the other husband when he started the affair. He wasn’t remorseful towards you either. He may want to make her available by causing the husband to leave. To see if they will really break up. To get her to do it first.
Tbh as long as it wasn’t physical and he understands it was wrong I would just move on and leave there marriage alone and worry about yalls bc dragging up the past will only hurt yalls life together in the long run.
Tell him he needs to leave it be, she was going to leave him but she hasn’t because he changed his mind. He could have done the best thing for her, it could of been the worst mistake of her life. She and her husband should sort what ever problems they have out, it’s up to them to do that. X
Why is he so concerned about her husband?? I would have a problem with that. Secondly, the husband has the right to know so I would tell him myself. However, I would not give my husband another chance after this, I could not work it out knowing myself. But to each is own.
He probably realized she would never leave her husband so he came clean. RUN. He will do it again. He’s not sorry, he’s desperate cuz he doesn’t want to be alone.
I believe your initial question “how can you cope with the fact that your husband has had an emotional affair? “. Your husband is an adult, he made a terrible decision by being involved with a woman online emotionally who is also needing and wanting attention , obviously from somebody anybody that would give it to her and your husband did. This was your husband‘s choice not yours, he chose to step out from the marriage commitment…, you can forgive him as forgiveness will start the healing process in your life. But he should also be doing everything in his power to earn your trust/love back. He’s the one that should be dealing with the backlash not you. He should be the one trying to make the marriage work. You have done nothing wrong. As far as the other women is concerned, I’m sure it’s not her first or last time she has done this. I’m speculating. Let her husband deal with her. He will find out soon enough. Wash your hands from them and move on. And don’t feel sorry for your husband. !!
I say let him tell him. She’s definitely not going to come clean on her own, and he deserves to know because there’s definitely a chance she’s just still prowling around looking for someone else to jump to. No matter what they decide to do with their marriage moving forward, he should know what happened. I see some people saying he’s just being shady and wants to ruin their marriage so he can still have her, which seems unlikely since he is the one that called off the whole thing, but even if that’s the case than better you know now anyway! As for their kids, if she continues to look for someone else their family is going to end up broken, maybe telling him can give them a chance to also address their problems and work on the relationship or they can just go their separate ways now which is where it would be headed anyway.
This is the internet- how do you know any of what she told him is true? She could be a single woman who made up a story and your husband was fooled.
That aside, it’s not his place to tell. She should tell her spouse- this isn’t a way for your husband to assuage his guilt, it’s another family who needs to make their own way.
Worst case scenario? He wants to tell the husband to make sure their marriage ends or is in bad shape.
It would concern me that he feels like he needs closure that involves stepping into her life…like it would make it better if she had to deal with what hes dealing with with you. He needs to stay out of her life.
Counseling goes a long way. You both can work out what you need and plan a path forward.
He is still hung up on it… Otherwise he wouldn’t need closure by having the husband know anything. Don’t be fooled.
My ex was emotionally involved with someone for 6 months even talked with the woman after I had given birth I find out from his neice after I got home from the hospital what had been going on they are still in search of something he was having his needs met all around it’s sometimes the excitement of another person
Your husband doesn’t feel bad for the husband. He got caught so he wants her to get caught too. If he’s so “remourseful”, he needs to worry about you, no one else. He want to tell the husband for what?
Marriage doesn’t just happen you have to work on it. If he’s willing, why aren’t you? He strayed mentally not physically. He didn’t take it any further than talk. If you can’t find it in your heart to forgive, my opinion would be that you already left the marriage mentally just not physically