Hi mamas, I’m looking for some input on how to handle grandparents who favour certain grandchildren. My mother-in-law has always favored my sister-in-law kids, but my breaking point is this Christmas. Her two kids got homemade shirts from my mother-in-law, and my son got a toy. I have raised this before so both my mother-in-law are sister-in-law are aware of my concerns, but my sister-in-law purposely made a big scene telling her kids oh let’s see your shirts. My niece who got a shirt pulled her shirt off and put on her new shirt her grandma made, but my poor son pulled his shirt off and I had to tell him he didn’t get a shirt from his grandma. My heart broke for him. He’s only 2 years old. I’m heartbroken thinking that grown adults would purposefully intentionally cause hurt to a child like this. Last Christmas my mother in law made a quilt for my niece. She is a year older than my son so you would think this year my son would get a quilt but nope. This has been going on since he was born. My mother in law knitted and sewed all sorts of things for my niece and nephew, but nothing for my son. I told my husband before this Christmas that if they pull any of this favourtism with special handmade stuff for our niece and nephew and just a store bought toy for my son, that I won’t be taking him to Christmas anymore, and sure enough they pull this. We’ve had a few falling outs with his family and we don’t see them much. How would you handle this? My sister thinks I shouldn’t say anything since you can’t make people do anything.
As I alway said if you cannot treat the children same don’t buy them nothing and if you cannot take all the children and love them you’re ain’t Allowed take the kids.
I would be happy my kid didn’t have to wear a handmade shirt lol. It’s probably ugly af.
Ban your son from seeing him! Shun them from your lives! Tell your husband to disown his mother! There. That’s the advice want.
But really? How is that favoritism? They all got presents. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Teach your child to be appreciative, not compare what he got to others.
Your sister is right. Don’t SAY anything… instead take ACTION & DO what you told your husband you were going to do!
Don’t bother saying anything. Just never let them see him again. Your child doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. He doesn’t need to know them if that’s how they’re going to treat him. My grandmother has KNOWINGLY broken my rules regarding my baby multiple times. This last visit was the last straw. Now she’s never going to see him or I again and I don’t even take her calls. He’s YOUR child, so you make decisions and changes where you see fit. If they don’t like it oh well🤷🏼♀️
Keep your kids away from unhealthy relationships !
You can’t make anyone do anything but you can remove your children from their life
My situation is literally the same! My mil favors her daughter or her son(my husband) I’d open my mouth but that’s just me.
I personally hate handmade gifts but your son is being treated differently, it’s obvious.
I would stick to your guns and no longer go to their family gatherings. If they can’t treat him like the other kids then they won’t be seeing him. I had family favor others when I was growing up so that’s why I have no problem not seeing them because in the end myself and my children are more important. Have a special Christmas at your place or travel. Make memories he will enjoy remembering
Seriously? From a child’s perspective I’d sure as hell rather have a toy than a shirt?
I would be upset too. If they can’t show the same amount of love to all of the children I wouldn’t be bringing mine around. That’s bullshit.
aw he was taking his shirt off. That’s so sad and so unfair that a grown ass woman is blatantly showing favourites.
I wouldn’t say anything, I would just simply stop coming to their holiday festivities. Eventually they will get the point and if not. It’s probably for the best. This will only hurt your kids later in life as they get older and the gifts start to get more expensive, phones, electronics, ect.
I don’t know that it is favoritism…perhaps mil doesn’t feel like you would appreciate homemade gifts as much as sil does? She may have felt like buying his presents from a store would be more what you and your hubby would appreciate. (From personal experience, I know that my bf and I have some people we have to buy for specifically from a store. I have made them homemade gifts in the past and you can feel how much they disliked the idea even tho they say thank you.)
Perhaps talk to your mil and ask why she doesn’t make homemade items for your son and express how much you would appreciate it if she did in the future.
You 've already solved your own problem soooo what’s the issue. Do what you say, say what you mean.
We deal with this as well, my mother favors my oldest child, and my other 2 are 2 and 4 and my 4 year old is really noticing now, and my 2 year old is now realizing as well that he never gets to go to “nans”. I’ve been keeping my mouth shut about it, but its to. The point where it wont continue, my oldest gets babies beyond belief there and acts out tremendously at home for weeks after, we finally start making headway and he goes back there for a weekend and we have to start all over, its beyond ridiculous so I totally feel you.
I’m gonna be honest. Don’t say a word. Be thankful for what your son got and let it be. She won’t treat them the same no matter what you do. She doesn’t like you.
What you allow is what will continue.
You already addressed it once and it happened again. Protect your babies and do your own thing for the holidays.
I caught my dad favoring my oldest over my other 2 children and I didnt have to call him out on it my oldest son did by sayin “you’re my grandpa not David’s!” And that was like a smack in the face to him now my dad makes a point to include both boys and makes it well known he loves all his grandchildren. 
Say something then stay away from them so they know you’re serious
Whys ur heart broke?? Tell him no grandma didnt get u a shirt, she got a u cool toy instead 
he got a gift! Why would a little boy and a little girl be expected to recieve the same gift??
And really? Because the niece got a blanket at a certain age u think ur son should receive one at the same age? U sound so petty. Be thankful he got a gift, one that he will likely enjoy more than some knitted clothing item 
Honestly stay quiet and just disappear from their lives and dont let your son be treated this way
Sounds like gift giving events need to be done separately. Take your little family over for a special dinner before or after Christmas, so there is no gift comparing when things are opened. Saying something likely won’t change anything, however you can change when and where your son is allowed to open gift in front of others.
Stop going around them? If it makes you feel that bad then just stop going to their house, to Christmas, any holiday and dont take your son around them?
I’d prefer a toy at that age… wtf am I gonna do with a lame shirt? You are clearly over thinking this… if you act excited about his new toy he would to, but since you seem so focused on handmade crap your child is going to feel like it’s important to mom so it must be better…
My mom is the same way. I just ignore fhem. My kids deserve better
He’s 2… He’s not “hurt”… How do you know they all didn’t ask your MIL to make those things instead of buying something, or asked her to make it just because? Why don’t you try asking her instead of asking people on Facebook who have no idea who this lady really is? Gosh, you’re acting like they completely forget about him
My dads mom did this the whole time growing up she favoured her daughters kids over my brother and I and now she’s not in my life and has and will never meet her great grandson. My brothers kids moms have taken the same stand so she no longer sees any of her great grand kids.
Girl yes! Ignore and cut that toxic shit out of your life and your childs life… I deal with the same… Its hard but my kids don’t need the fake love that comes from the other side… Ive learned to love from a distance but u do not have to let this happen!
What does your husband have to say about it? Don’t go to Xmas there anymore.
It would be different if she got him nothing. She got him a toy. She cares, and you’re overreacting 110%. Just like parents, GRAND PARENTS. also have different bonds with each grand kids. And also try to take into consideration what each grand kid may or may not like. Maybe she thinks your son wouldnt like a handmade gift.
I have two sons, a third on the way. I became a single mom with 0 help and had to move in with my mom with my oldest son for quite some time. She stays home so she was the person who watched my son constantly while I worked 17 hours a day 7 days a week. Their bond is immensely strong, she treats him much differently than my second son who I stay at home with now that I have a fiance and a third baby on the way. It’s not that she doesnt love them equally, she does, she just has different bonds with each of my kids.
Can’t make people fo shit but you can speak your mind, if this continues your son will remember it. Keep standing up for him and screw the in laws your kids and their feelings come first.
I would have said something like, “omg those shirts are so awesome! I would love if you could make … One too!”
Then around October I’d reach out & give his shirt size.
I get where ur coming from but is it really “favouritism”? … Any child would love to just get a gift. Rather its a toy or shirt… I tell my kids “always be grateful. Smile and say thank u… And if I truly dont like it save ur comments for when were alone” that’s exactly what I tell them. So instead of urself bring ur child down why not bring him up to excitement on the toy he got? … Saying like “look what grandma got u!” Or “wow what did u get?” If he sees u getting down of course he will do the same… See I do get my kids alot of the same stuff only bc they r 12 8 two r 4 and 1 their is less fighting and more playing togehter… But at the same time I get them their own toys/gifts they r each thier own person with different personalitys. Try not taking things so personal. 💁
Create your own holiday tradition and stop expecting Boomer Karen to come around. She probably treats your kid differently bc she doesn’t like you.
Not worth saying anything just dont go to christmas do your own ro go on another day so it’s not noticeably
My kids would be more happy with a new toy then a homemade item
Any 2 year old would want a toy over a shirt anyway! That’s likely what’s going on here…
Good luck with that one! My own mother has her two favorites. One being 1 of a brothers 5 kids, the other being 1 of another brothers 2 kids. All mine and all the others of my other brothers got pushed to the side and now, most of them are adults and have no relationship with her. Oh well. We ALL tried to get her to stop YEARS ago but she didn’t give a shit then. Now she wonders why none of her other 8 grandkids don’t bother to have anything to do with her. Fucking DUH, Mom!!
I’m not sure what the problem is. She got them different gifts… no one says she has to get them the same thing. I’d tell my child look grandma got you something cool too.
So what? Be thankful for the gifts your child/children received. Kids are not comparing, you are. Tshirt vs a toy? My kid would be happy with the toy! But of course you make a big deal out of it. I have a favorite nephew and I give him an extra something on Christmas. My brother is my mom’s favorite, I accepted that. Our mental health refects on our children. Don’t be a snowflake.
My kid would rather have the toy than some shirt.
I’d kick them to the curb and never let them come around him anymore . just don’t say anything. But after a year pass and they ask why you haven’t brought him around then you tell them why .
You sound so jealous…He is 2…Try learning gratitude, be grateful he gets something…they dont Have to get anything at all for him…quit trying to control others…work in yourself dear
Do gift giving at a different time than the rest. Have a dinner at your house, in ite mil but not the rest of the family. Your child won’t see the difference and be hurt or confused.
Same , MIL and stepparent , do the same stuff , we stopped going over, they get older and they start to notice things like that , yours is 2 now and already noticed , its better to just do your own thing and be with people who treat you better and there is no favortism , i am a step mom and when they were younger i made sure everything was even and fair cause i never wanted anyone to feel that way , they are adults now and have younger siblings and they understand that they might not get as much anymore cause they are adults and know the focus should be on the kiddos, this year my kids didnt get anything from MIL , they notice , but we dont draw attention to it, we just make sure they know they can count on us and the ones who are there for them
She’s right. You truly cannot make anyone do anything. If y’all don’t see them much as it is, why continue to bring your son somewhere that you don’t feel he is included. Give them an ultimatum. If your son is going to be treated unfairly, then you can just stop bringing him around altogether. Kids won’t miss someone that doesn’t care about them. If it truly bothers you that bad then don’t bring him around your mother in law.
Maybe she thought a 2 year old wouldn’t like a shirt for Christmas. Doesnt sound like shes playing favorites
I would nip that shit in the bud, I dont understand how ppl can play favorites, absolutely disgusts me.
Say nothing just don’t go if they ask why tell them but keep away
Do your own thing ,it will never change
Next year do your own thing, make special gifts for your baby and watch his eyes light up with joy 
I would definitly say something too, its abvious shes favoring whats a big deal one more shirt to make ? Its better to fiv the favortism now then when your child is older n notices the difference so for your childs sake say something now!!! My opinion!!!
My mil was a bitch and treated my kids like strangers
You’re lucky
Seriously? I can’t even believe what you’re complaining about. How about you teach your son to be greatful and not compare himself to others? Since when do we have the right to ask someone for what we want to get for Christmas anyways, lol? If I was your husband I would override your decision to cut her off over something so ridiculous if that’s what you choose to do. Boohoo, he got a toy not a shirt. Give me a break. Grow up! You come accross to me as being jealous and that’s not a good look for any one.
Iv always brought my children up with the saying be thankful for what you got x what you dont have you dont miss xx
The fact that your son took off his shirt in hope of getting one of his own to match his cousin, does say a lot. It’s not just some shirt. He would have matched the older kids and for a 2 year old, that is exciting. I would request that if homemade gifts are given to the other grandkids, that they be given to ALL the grandkids. If they continue, I would spend the holidays as a family (your own little family that you created) and stop going over. They are welcome to stop in if they choose, but I wouldn’t do get togethers until something changes. Kids DO see the difference.
Honestly i think you’re being over-sensitive and your emotions are influencing your child. I don’t think he would have been hurt over it on his own.
My 2 year old? Didn’t care about ANY of the clothes he got. He LOVED his toys.
Maybe your sister in law asked specifically for non-toy presents because she felt like they had enough toys (thats what i did last year…said I’d prefer clothes/blankets for the kids- particularly my oldest- over toys)
What you’re experiencing is NOT favoritism. It would be if your child didn’t receive anything. It would be if grandma had gone out of her way to get some new fancy toy then gave your kid a cheapie from the dollar store…
But what you’re describing doesn’t really sound like favoritism.
Maybe next year give them a LIST of things you’d prefer for him to receive?
Favoritism is a big no no for me if you can’t treat mine equally you won’t see any of them period family or not cut out all contact with them
You made your feelings noted.mil and sil knew your feelings a d should have got your child same gift as others. You. Can see favoritism a nd should be stopped
I deal with a similar situation. My grandkids have a half sister by their Mom. The other set of grandparents do extra special things for the oldest (my step grand child). They go outta the way to see the oldest. They even invite her Dad (who never married her Mom) on special vacations to their beach house or to their mountain house and they dont take my grandkids or their parents. The step Granmother (wife #2, not my daughter in laws Mother) even had a professional sandcastle builder build a huge sandcastles on the beach in front of their beach house for their Christmas Cards. It was a fireplace with Santa coming down the chimney, on the mantel it said "Special Delivery Santa Stop " and there were large gifts in sand with step Grandmothers grandkids names on a packages and the oldest child of my daughter in laws names on a package. She didnt include my Hrandkids names at all. My Grands are still young enough that they dont really know what is going on, but it pisses me off. And my son too. But in the end it is their loss. And no you should NOT over look it and continue to expose your child to those kind of Shenanigans. Your child will be better off without them.
This happened to my family. We no longer spend any of the holidays with our family. I only spend it with my 2 sons and there families. We have 4 beautiful granddaughters. I spend the same amount on each of them. This way there is no problems that someone else got more then me. We have a 7 yr old 2-4yr olds and a 6 week old. I get all of them the same thing so there is no problems. It is so unfair that any one would treat any of there grandchildren any different. I feel for you and your family. It’s hard but maybe you might just separate yourselves from the holidays. Or better off ask your in-laws to have just your family over the week before Christmas. This way your child doesn’t see what the others get and it doesn’t upsets you more so. Best regards
CUT THEM OFF they will NEVER change! Your sister in law is a big child best thing to do is say bye bye! Save yourself further heartaches!
At least he got something. They could have left him out all together. If you’re that butthurt then stop going around.
Try being the #4 kid in a family. Yes, there are favorites and yes even as a little kid you can tell.
Kids do notice my grandmother always favored my cousins over me and my sister, my sister was from my mothers first marriage and I from her second but my grandmother always be buying things for them and leaving us out my father was her oldest child, when I was an adult I found out why. My grandmother had a affair when married to my grandfather and my uncle was the result of the affair, my grandfather left after the kids were grown up but she never changed.
And by the way both my sons each have a stepchildren and I don’t treat them any different. I love them all regardless of who there other fathers are. There still in our family.
I would say something. And all these ppl saying your out of line have obviously never been the child left out. My grandma favored my brother my entire life. I hate her now. If it’s already starting it will only get worse. I say tell her how you feel. If things don’t change cut her out of your lives. It is so hurtful feeling not good enough. It WILL affect your child and their self esteem. Screw her. Protect your baby Mama!
I can’t imagine not treating all my grandchildren exactly the same… honestly it just astounds me. 
This is stupidity. Your child is not being left out. Kids prefer toys to clothes anyway. You are the one being butt hurt. Grow up.
Your sister is right . I don’t think it bothers your son at all . But if u raise him to believe and notice such things that are not important he will grow up thinking his grandma loves him less. Grandma is still buying him Xmas gifts . You as a grown up should kindly ask her to knit him a sweater or hat if it’s that important to you. Don’t turn him away from his grandma over dumb materialistic things
Does a little boy really want a home made shirt for Christmas I think not he would rather a toy ime sure be greatfull he got anything !!!
I wouldn’t do anything. Let your son see it for himself when he’s older and make the decision what to do if anything. It happens a lot.
I,d do Christmas at your house.Start your own tradition and ignore them I,ve been in your place it’s hurtful it’s not about being grateful when children get old enough to recognize it it hurts them. I know.
I mean. He still got a toy. Some kids get nothing from a grandparent while other grandkids get all kinds of stuff. And honestly what 2 year old wants a shirt and not a toy?
I am so sick of everyone’s suggestion to any post being “Cut your family off! Leave your husband! Move out!” Blah blah blah. Y’all are a bunch of drama queens:joy: with unrealistic advice:joy:
Your husband needs to man up and handle this.
Rocio von Vietinghoff
Keep your child away! That’s toxic and he’ll see it soon
I rarely ever weigh in on these but the fact that your son took off his shirt to put on a shirt he wasn’t gifted demonstrates to me that he wanted to be included. I would have a conversation with grandma about giving the same amount of attention and care to each child. Clearly their is more effort behind a homemade shirt than picking up a toy off a shelf. If she can’t trouble herself to treat all the grandkids equally then you can’t trouble yourself with spending Christmas with them.
You CAN’T unfortunately. Its impossible to control or change another’s actions. All you can do is decide how to handle it or decide not to put up with it.
That behavior is truly disgusting . Cut ties.
Well first off the last paragraph in your post explains it all, (we’ve had a few falling outs with his family) that’s why grandma doesn’t go out of her way to do anything from the heart for your son not saying that it’s right but that’s the reason why.
I would say something and call them out but then keep my distance from them no child deserves to be treated like this he will eventually notice it more and more and that will cause so much damage…I’m so sorry your going through this I know how it feels being the child and how it feels being the parent dealing with it as well I don’t talk to those relatives and we are fine my children have other great family member who treat them like their own so cut ties with them and the ones who do treat your son like he deserves spend the holidays with them instead 
best wishes to you
Uh, your son is 2. I’m almost CERTAIN that he was more happy with a toy than a home made shirt. He wasn’t heartbroken. Furthermore why do you even care? I could see if she bought stuff for the other grandkids and didn’t buy your child anything but that’s not the case. Now you would probably be calling her cheap if she bought the other grandkids gifts and gave your child something home made. If you want him to have homemade things take up a sewing/knitting class. Problem solved. 
No need to say anything. Simply invite his parents to your home for a small gathering after the holiday for snacks and a gift exchange. Don’t invite other family members and don’t go to their family Christmas. I absolutely would not subject my child to such treatment because I know EXACTLY how it feels to be in his shoes.
Question. When your son pulled his shirt off did the grandmother make any kind of face or gestures? Did she realize that she hurt his feelings? Or did you leave it alone?
I’m curious about what the age difference is between s.i.l. s kids vs your 2 yr old. Children, especially 2yr old, grow super fast that young. One minute something fits, next minute it doesnt. I dont think its favoritism, I think its just appealing to what would last longer for each child. If the girls are preteens or close to, then yeah they’re gonna appreciate and wear the hand knit shirt more than a 2yr old. My daughter at that age didnt give a rat’s ass about the clothes I bought her but was all about and excited for her toys during xmas. Another factor. How close are you to the sister and her kids? Were the shirts matching of some sort? I mean if she made matching shirts for siblings, why would you make a big deal about your kid not being included? Hes not their brother so why would he absolutely need one? And as for him pulling his shirt off, kids are copy cats, the BIGGEST COPYCATS EVER if he saw the girl pull her shirt off I’m sure he was just mimicking. I feel you’re taking everything too personal and acting like there malicious intent when it doesnt seem that way at all.
I’ve been on both sides of this and it is horrible!!! My grandmother on my father’s side I was the favorite and it sucked seeing my sister and cousins hurt over it making me feel as if it was my fault. On the other hand my mother remarried and I have 2 step brothers. On my step father’s side my sister and I weren’t even acknowledged by my stepdads mom because we weren’t his so we got no presents while my brothers were showered with gifts. Including one Christmas when she had a sweatshirt made that said grandma and listed my brothers and cousins on that side but not my sister and I. My stepdad had it out with her and we never went to anymore holidays there. Please please stop bringing your child around that! I was 8 at the time and remember it like it was yesterday still (38 now). The only thing that made my sister and I feel better was knowing that our “dad” (stepdad) loved us enough to stand up for it!!!
Actually I was thinking your son is the lucky one in the other kids eyes seriously no kids really love clothes at that age, TOYS YES-but kids at that age love to play as they get older in age is only when they truly appreciate that kind of stuff, bring your son over more too bond with her!
She will not change. Tell you husband stop being weak as stand up to her or pack up n go. You are only exposing your child to hurt
I love homemade things and I would be hurt simply because they know it and choose to be ugly to you and your son.
That being said I would make over the toy and make sure he thinks it’s special and didn’t get a homemade present because his gift is so much better!!
My kids would have rathered a toy than clothes anyday.
I wouldn’t be taking my child anymore. It’s your job as a parent to protect your child and that means physically and emotionally. No one is going to make my child feel less than or left out. If he took his shirt off in preparation of putting his new grandma made shirt on he clearly wanted one. It would break my heart to have to explain to him grandma didn’t make him one and have to put his shirt back on. Toys last maybe 2 weeks but something made from your grandparents can be treasured a lifetime. You aren’t wrong you know your child was upset, don’t let anyone make him feel that way.
They’re holding a grudge against you because of your past issues.
Here’s the thing… If they purposefully did this I can promise you it will never change. Next thing you know the grandkids are almost grown and not close to their grandparents because the grandparents showed favoritism for whatever reasons. There’s nothing you can do. If you voice it it’s not going to change. You can’t make people love you or your kids if they don’t… it sucks I know. But just know lots of people deal with this.
Am I the only one who thinks the original poster is the one with the problem?
Your son will only realize something is different if you point it out. Was this a dollar store you, or a nice toy? 2 year olds don’t want clothes. It is how YOU react to the situation that determines how your son reacts and thinks of his grandma.