There is a very complicated situation and I keep thinking about how to solve it. I will tell you a bit. Last week my husband’s whole family got together, this is something that doesn’t even happen at Christmas or holidays because my husband’s two brothers never have time to get together as a family, but anyways. My husband has two brothers and one of them has a son who is autistic, the boy is 7 years old and has very severe autism, my son is 5 years old and in all those years this is the second time they have seen each other. As I said before, none of my brothers-in-law visit us because nobody has time, but at the get together last week I couldn’t attend so my husband brought our two children to the meeting, that day apparently my 5-year-old son made a comment in front of everyone and said, “my cousin doesn’t want to play with me, I don’t know what’s wrong with him and he just wants to clap around the house” my son referred to his 7-year-old cousin who has autism and his mother quickly replied to my son that her son was not a normal child and for that reason he did not want to play with him. Three days later, my brother in law who is the father of the child with autism, had a conversation with my husband and referred to it by saying, “I do not tolerate people who is making fun of my son for being autistic.” He said that because of the comment that my son made that day on the get together, and he also mentioned that the boy’s mother was very upset by that comment which I totally understand her. I want to mention that on the day of the get together my husband apologized for the comment my son made and also apologized for the second time to them when everyone left. How can I deal with this situation? I feel that my son did not say it in an offensive way but I also do not tolerate my son making fun of anyone, much less someone artistic. What can I do? We haven’t say anything to our son yet, how can I explain this to him?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I explain autism to my 5 year old?aut
My nephew is autistic and nonverbal as well and my son is 4 and I just explained to him that he communicates differently than us, he’s a different kind of person, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you or that anything is wrong, he just a different kind of guy that’s all
I’d tell them I don’t tolerate ignorant adults that think a 5 year old should understand the situation and not be curious.
Okay first of all fuck that kids parents. If they aren’t going to explain with compassion to a 5 year old relative what the deal is, and attack the kid like it was an intentional insult
Then they can just get fucked elsewhere. What an absolute jerk.
This is a great opportunity to teach the 5 year old about people who are different and empathy.
You’re doing fine. Let those assholes resolve their own triggers.
Personally I dont see anything wrong with what your kid said . Hes confused 5 and doesnt understand what autism is . If anything just sit down with your kid and explain that some kids are different and that is okay . Kids are curious , I understand they were offended or whatever by the comment but at the end of the day hes 5 take it with grain of salt he clearly didnt say it to be malicious. I feel like they are making too much out of it rather than using this situation as a way for your son to learn some people are different .
You don’t this is another situation where a 5 year Olds brain doesn’t understand…that’s why 5 year Olds are constantly asking large woman if they are pregnant!! Embarrassing YES!! THEY don’t mean it to be rude …they are kids
Your son is only 5 and barely sees these people. I always call these situations “social skills hour”. I have two autistic kids myself. I think you all need to spend more time with each other to learn about each other and they need to chill out a little. Your kid is still learning about autism. No one knows what autism is at 5 years old.
Just tell him that his cousins brain works differently.
You need to have a conversation with the brother and tell him your son is only 5 he don’t understand what is going on with his cousin.
He noticed his cousins differences… nothing wrong with that. Opportunity for education and reach out to boys parents and ask if they have any ideas on how to explain autism to their son. Your son should not be made to feel bad about his comment. He was just inquiring and making observations.
I’d be very firmly sayig that your son wasn’t making fun or anyone and doesn’t understand what the situation is … there isn’t anyway to explain in detail what autism is to a 5yo apart from what his own mother told him
I wouldn’t tolerate ignorant adults like that. Children ask questions!! Children don’t always “understand” concepts like us!!! And most children are very blunt about things as they’re happening!!! Your child truly didn’t understand his cousins stims, and he spoke about it. Now you guys can teach him and help him understand autism and other issues as for the adults, I wouldn’t stress about them too much, or would even want to be in their company. Your five year old made an honest mistake/comment that offended them, and he apologized for it. They need to grow up in my eyes.
He’s five! If anything this is just an educational moment. And the fact that the adults here didn’t see that is disheartening
You’re child wasn’t making fun of the other child. At 5 he doesn’t understand why someone doesn’t want to play with him
He’s 5…so literally the brother in law and wife are indeed ignorant and she doesn’t know how to explain it right either to a child so for her to be upset seems like a bullshit drama starting thing…
Another note explain it the best you can as he gets older hell understand… explain he needs more attention and has certain ways of having fun and talking to everyone
I don’t get the issue as your son didn’t say anything offensive! The parents are being OTT… My son is Autistic and OMG he has said some cringe worthy things to people, just like most kids do at some point while trying to understand the world around them… Don’t take it to heart it is their issue not yours.
1st your son didn’t make fun, he’s 5, he didn’t understand… but this is what i tell my 4yr old, “some people look different, act different, talk different, sound different, even smell different but you do not point it out”
There are lots of videos and learning situations to help ease or explain autism, even for 5 year olds… You can explain it also… This is way to normal now ( kids with severe autism) so begin teaching early…
I have two autistic children and so many people are so overly sensitive about this if you’re going to be a parent to a child with a handicap you have to have tough skin I mean it’s part of the job your son did nothing wrong absolutely nothing and you have nothing to about apologize for your son had no idea what he was walking into he just wanted someone to play with￼
Wow your in laws are ignorant how is this 5yro supposed to learn people are all different and everyone is very special in different ways children do not learn by you telling them and not seeing the difference your son will better understand that your nephew is awsome he plays different and learns different but there is nothing wrong with him
I too, have a son with autism.
The Dr. told me when I asked the same question……don’t try to explain anything, until they’re older….& that’s only if an explanation is needed. Kids are incredibly receptive, & may pick up on things by himself.
He’s 5! They don’t have the intent to be offensive. I am super offended the parents of the 7 year old can’t bother yo explain to a five year old how their own child can play. They want to be offended but not help their own child.
Your child did nothing wrong!
As for how do you, the only adult in this scenario help your own child; go to the library. Get an age appropriate book. Ask your pediatrician how to talk to your child.
How do you normally talk to your child when he has questions? To me, it is no different than any other tough parent conversation. Has he asked any where do babies come from type questions? How did you talk to him then? Same concept, just a different topic
Honestly, the child’s own mother was the insensitive one by saying her own child wasn’t normal and that’s why he doesn’t want to play. She had an opportunity to educate and instead chose to be offended by a 5 year old.
Your child is 5 they don’t understand they don’t know why he loves to walk around and clap and to him it’s weird that’s okay.
You just talk to then explain to them how their brains work different. My 20 month old I believe is on the spectrum he doesn’t talk yet and a few other things. Mt girls 7 and 9 have an okay understanding of it but at 5 it’s definitely rough.
You can get a book that explains it. I also don’t think he said anything horrible. My 6 yr old has Down syndrome and autism btw. He’s 5 and this is new to him they need to allow some grace.
They need to understand your child is 5 and doesn’t understand. He was not being rude he’s just confused.
He is 5!!! Like really?! I think the adults need to grow up and realize a 5 year old won’t be able to full grasp that! My 9 year old is autistic and my 13 year old and 6 year old get reminded everyday he doesn’t always realize what he’s saying or doing or whatever the case is AND ITS STILL HARD FOR MY 13 year old it hard on the mothers sometimes too I get her being upset but she needs to look where it came from he’s not understanding why another kid his age doesn’t want to play with him he was simply relaying how he felt about the kid not wanting to play! You can explain to your 5 year old that he is different and sometimes feels better playing alone then playing with others again he’s 5 he’s not going to fully understand exactly what is going on! I’m so sorry you have to deal with that as a mother myself I just try my best to explain it to others he doesn’t mean to upset anyone I just can’t get over expecting a 5 year old to grasp the aspect of autism
Just tell your son there are all kinds of people.in this world. Some we will have lots in common witg and some we wont. The important thing is to treat everyone with kindness and respect even if we dont share the same interests or even if they are not kind to us.
You’ve waited a week to explain autism and to tell your family that a 5yo will ask questions and will not be berated nor apologizing for being ignorant?
Uhh I am explaining death and such to my 4yo atm… its a fact of life and she is getting it. It is possible to explain these things to young children. Just get in the habit of explaining a situation before the child is surprised by it if you can… that way the child knows what to expect and what is expected of them…
Maybe the comment your son made was not the only problem! Maybe the real issue could be that (the 2 brothers NEVER have time to c family) It’s Ridiculous to not see your family for 3 years!!! Your son is 5, he can’t be blamed 4 ongoing family problems!!! If your bother n sister in law want it handled a certain way, maybe they should explain autism to the Children bcuz they would know exactly how to explain it? It’s obvious your sister in law is a little over sensitive.
I think you’re a great Mom for trying to figure this out! I can understand them being upset, we all ache when our kids do, but your little guy didn’t understand that! He was sad! He thought there was something about HIM that made the cousin not want to play with him. I think you’ve apologized, and it was authentic, they should accept that! Good luck Mama!
A 5 year old does not understand ‘normal’ or ‘not normal’. Stating that a person is ‘not normal’ is not attempting to insult them, its just how that 5 year old sees it. Ya’ll need to chill. They’re choosing to be offended over what a FIVE year old is saying. What they need to realize is your son is still a child. They could inform him gently of what autism is or tell him that their son has different needs and to ask you guys about autism.
Use this chance to tell your son that some people are just different. Differently wired, different capabilities, different awarenesses, and that’s okay. They’re not bad people nor should we insult them or look down on them. Teach him about boundaries and others not always wanting or being able to play.
But as for your in laws, I’d have a stern talking to with them. Your son did absolutely NOTHING wrong.
I would remind the parents of the autistic child that your son is five and has never met
an autistic child before. He meant nothing malicious by what he said. He was just confused. Then I would explain to your son that not every child has normal brain action. Some are different. We have to understand that and let them do their own thing. It’s not that they don’t like us. They just don’t know how to act with us. Then I would leave it at that.
My daughter is severe autistic also. I feel like your brother n law should understand to a point. Your son is 5. Personally, I don’t get offended if a child says something like your son did. He doesn’t understand. But you could look up some videos for his age range and see if that helps. Good luck mama. It’ll be okay.
your son did nothing wrong… he is just 5
Tell him every child is special in their own way,however some children are born with Special Needs.His cousin is a special needs child.He didn’t ask to have special needs ,God choose him.He does a lot of things differently that other kids his age.Hes slower to learn and slower to play with others. But we never make fun of others for being different.He is very special in his own way…
He’s 5 and has no clue. If they are that damn sensitive and don’t realize their nephew has no clue that’s on them. People need to lighten up. I could understand if he was older but this is ridiculous
My son is autistic and what your son said was not offensive or making fun of him he just didn’t understand why his cousin didn’t want to play with him just explain to him what autism is there are different levels my son is high functioning he loves playing with other children in small groups. You guys did nothing wrong some people are really sensitive when they have special needs children and I get it but sometimes people are over sensitive and can cause problems for themselves or their children.
There are so many kids shows with autistic characters and tons of books too. Arthur and Sesame street come to mind. Searching for “autistic children books” at your library would also be helpful. Entering spaces and attending any community events for kids with different neurologies or disabilities is helpful for learning acceptance and that everyone is different and valuable in their own way.
Your son didn’t say anything terribly offensive and kids don’t know what they don’t know, and he was just expressing that. It’s our job as parents to expose them to new ideas and situations. As a parent to two autistic children, it is really hard to hear some of the comments because we get them literally every time we leave the house and it’s especially difficult when the kid is still young himself and the parents haven’t been dealing with the comments as long.
Definitely a teaching moment there’s nothing wrong with him noticing the differences. I just wished that some adults understands that kids think differently and they sometimes say stuff that seems blunt. They are curious and just want to know why. How I explained it to my kids is I read up on it. I took their questions they had an tried to answer them as much as I could. My nephew is autistic and they all play together all the time at first they were curious as to why he did or say certain things but after awhile they were fine.
I’d say that they’re very sensitive about their son, and lashed out. Your husband apologized, but they weren’t open to hearing it. Also, there is nothing wrong with what your 5yr old said, he’s only 5 and there was no harm meant. Use it as a teaching moment, and your son will be better for it.
I feel like this was the mom’s fault honestly. Your son made an observation, which wasn’t mean, and her response is telling your child that her son “isn’t normal.” That means nothing to a 5 year old. She should have taken the time out and explained that he’s right, her son does prefer to play alone and maybe offered to play with your 5 year old instead. Expecting a 5 year old to know the situation is ridiculous. Your son did nothing wrong and was not offensive, but maybe try some books that focus on kids with certain disabilities.
You don’t explain Autism to any child until they are older. No need to make them feel any different from any other child their age! The adults are the ones to be better educated, not the children.
There’s no wrong in asking question kids are just honest. My youngest is 5 and I would just explain that everyone is different that doesn’t make them and less than we are but we have to respect that they may not act the same way we do about things. However when children ask questions it’s really not being offensive and there honesty and openess is to be admired
I have told my 6 year old… God made that person “Special” and they are different than you, they need more help, or might not understand, or act like you, we do not make fun of them because they can not help it. She has accepted this and has a big heart.
I have a nephew who is autistic (10 years old)…my son is 5 and when my son first questioned why his cousin didn’t want to play with him I told him J (nephew) wanted to play he just was a little over excited and needed to calm down a bit (he was stimming) my SS10 sometimes gets frustrated with J when they play and I just give him the gentle reminder that J is just a little different and needs patience but he will get himself comfortable to a point he will play.
I would have more of an issue if your son wasn’t curious about it. I love that my son and sks try to understand
I personally think that your brother-in-law and his wife need to stop taking everything so offensive…
They need to understand that not everybody knows about autism or understands autism and they need to expect that because their son has autism. ￼ It is their job to be more open minded because that’s something they need to deal with on a daily.
As far as you and your husband you guys did nothing wrong, he’s five years old… smh I have mixed family, I have a baby cousin that’s white a baby cousin that’s black the first time that they met they were about five years old… lol that was funny￼￼￼￼￼￼ (20yrs ago) Neither one had been around the opposite race, it was so INNOCENT and no one got offended!! ￼
As the mom of a child with Down syndrome. I personally take those moments for teaching gently. A 5 year old just doesn’t understand and in no way was he making fun of his cousin. He was just expressing his frustration. Sometimes we have to look though a child eyes to understand.
The boy was labelled ‘not a normal child’ by his mother. Your child isn’t the issue. It should have been spoken about openly at the time. Not decide a few days later that they are now offended?
What is wrong with people!
HE’S 5!!! OMG
There is nothing wrong with what your child said children will say all kinds of stuff because kids are direct. I’ve had kids say that about other kids that just didn’t wanna play. ￼
Your son was just being , a kid …
I’m Sure in no way was that from a mean point of view … kids say what they see and what they feel before they think about it .
He said sorry , I think that’s a great way to help them understand your son is just 5 and truly meant nothing by it .
He is a 5 year old child who apparently has never seen anyone not like him, so of course he’s going to have questions and as two parents of an autistic child they should be mature enough not to take it to heart. The parents could’ve explained “it has nothing to do with you buddy little Johnny……” OR they could’ve said let’s have mom and dad explain when you get home. But to answer your question, I taught both of my girls at a very early age, like once they started really talking that everyone is different; some can’t see, some can’t hear, some can’t talk, some can’t walk, some are missing body parts, and so on….and both of my girls are soooo good with situations like this and they love everyone.
Your son is 5. He expressed the fact that his cousin was not playing with him and didn’t understand why his cousin was clapping. So educate your son on what autism is. Tell him how he can interact with his cousin so he understands. As for the adults, they should have understood that this comment came from a 5 year old and they should have addressed you and not your son. Apologize for what your son said and let them know where it was coming from so they understand it was not malicious and if you’re comfortable let them know he didn’t understand and that you’re teaching him.
I have a severely autistic 7 year old son who is nonverbal. I have heard several comments over the years from little kids… comments like “why doesn’t play” or “why doesn’t he talk”those comments are my FAVORITE comments as that gives me the opportunity to educate that child.
It’s the comments of “he’s weird” that hurts me… But it seems like those parents are very over sensitive and your 5 year old did not say ANYTHING wrong!!! But with that being said this is a good opportunity to start showing videos to your son to teach him what autism is, and why they do the things they do. Like humming, stimming and tell him how proud you are of him for not making fun of that boy with autism and asking questions instead. I mean that’s how kids learn also… by asking questions.
Thinking like a 5 year old-some are little smart assess. Lol. But I could picture a 5 year old making a funny face and saying “all he wants to do is clap around” in a mocking way. So the sentence typed out might not have been so bad-but with context, maybe he was kinda making fun of his older cousin?
That aside. It sounds like there’s bigger issues in the family. There’s really not a lot of excuses as to why cousins have only met twice in five years. I would address the lack of time before searching for other solutions.
I would explain in an age appropriate manner that some children are different and we need to respect their differences. Not everyone is going to want to play with us and that is ok. Let them do their thing and we do ours.
On another note your son did absolutely nothing wrong. He is 5. From the statement made it doesn’t sound like he was making fun. Only making an observation. 5 year olds are always saying observations out loud. Your in laws need to recognize it was not intended to make fun of their child but rather a typical behavior of a young child
This does NOT sound like he was intending to make fun. It seems like he was acknowledging that the child was different and that he didn’t understand. This is a perfect learning opportunity to teach your child about disability of all kinds! Find a kids show that showcases different disabilities and explains them or even books so you can stop and explain more or let them ask questions. You cannot expect a 5 year old to just understand if they’ve never been introduced or talked to about it before.
I think they blew it out of proportion, your son is 5 and has the innocences of a 5 year old. Kids will generally just call it like they see it. He didn’t mean to offend anyone but more so he was trying to comprehend the situation in his own eyes. The fact that those adults didn’t understand where your sons comment was coming from is completely ridiculous, and they’re acting as if they’ve never encountered that before with other children or adults. They are basically strangers, do they really expect everyone especially a young child to instantly know what’s wrong with their child and tip toe around it all, totally missing the opportunity to educate him themselves in an appropriate way. This whole situation is ridiculous, your son is 5!!.
Yes have a talk with him in an open and honest way and encourage lots of questions from him about the diverse world we live in. Doesn’t mean he will remember or understand it right away and you’ll have to have talks again and again for a while. As for the other family… sounds like it’s probably a good thing ya’ll stay distant from one another.
Say you know how there are disabled people in wheelchairs…he will say yes…then say well not everyone who is disabled is in a wheel chair. Some have problems with how their brain develops and we call that mentally diasbled. These people may look or act different than us. And that is alright. God made different people in different ways and we should never make fun or laugh at anyone who is different than us. Honestly it doesn’t sound like your child was offensive. Just didn’t understand. Tell the mom of the autistic child you are sorry that she was hurt by his comments and that you sat down with your kid and explained differences and tolerance and that he had just never been around autism before and didn’t mean to sound disrespectful. Thank her even for this teachable moment. Right now your child is learning about differences and how not to bully. You have this chance to teach your child that everyone no matter how different is worthy of love and respect. If you want to teach empathy teach your kid about how what he said hurt the other mom and why that hurt her. It hurt her only cuz he pointed out that her kid was acting different. Autistic parents know their kids act different but get offended sometimes when someone points out how they aren’t acting normal. She is being protective of her child is all.
I think your in laws need to back off and understand that young children express and describe things AND people by what they see… your 5 year old son did absolutely nothing wrong. My 4 year old daughter at preschool drop off described her friend of color “in the flower dress” - she said louder than I expected “mommy there’s my black friend in the flower dress I can’t wait to play with her!” We (teacher and I) explained that we are all people and friends and everyone is different on the outside but same on the inside and it doesn’t matter what we look like. I know this is a bit different. But I’m just saying, children describe what they see. Again, your baby did nothing wrong. Your sister in law was the one who brought it up saying “he’s not normal” I’m sorry I don’t have an answer to your question.
Tell him the truth about his cousins illness they need to learn so can understand
First of all your husband’s apologies should have been enough children don’t understand hell some adults don’t understand the parents need to toughen up because these situations get harder and harsher. Now as a parent you need to explain to your child that not all kids learn or play the same as other kids some kids are more sensitive to their environment. My son is 4 and I had to explain it to him because of a child at daycare and now they are good friends and he respects when she’s loud (doesnt call them scary sounds) and let’s her come to him for a hug when they say goodbye and isn’t bothered if she doesn’t want to interact with him. It’s hard to explain but autistic kids just see the world different
I feel like that was a teachable moment. The mom could have explained it to your son, who made an innocent comment. Just try to word your explanation in a way he can relate
Get a child’s book that explains it. My oldest is 11 and has autism and he has 3 younger siblings ages 8,5,3 and we have explained that’s why he acts the way he does because his brain is wired different
See, I don’t know if I’ll get flack for this comment or not, but what I feel was the most offensive was the mother being the one to actually say “he’s not a normal child.” She could have phrased that so much differently that could have been better understood by your child. Maybe even offering suggestions of things her son actually enjoyed doing and encouraging your son to join in, no matter how silly it seemed and your 5yo might have actually enjoyed it. Like maybe she could have turned it into a game where your child clapped along with him, or tried to show him other ways to engage with him. Your 5yo didn’t understand, and in that moment would have been a good time to explain it in a way that he could have understood. I think it’s awesome that you want to teach him about these differences in a way that can be understood. I think I remember that they introduced an autistic character to sesame street that teaches children about these differences. The mom and dad seem a little off the rails in my opinion about something your child did not understand and they are definitely not handling it in a healthy and helpful way.
Your son is 5, how the hell is he supposed to know if he has not been around his cousin? Sorry not sorry but I would explain that and not apologize. Your son is to young to understand if he doesn’t already know the child. I don’t think he was making fun, he’s 5 and doesn’t know better.
Kids say shit… The end.
We have had to explain to my 3 year old grand daughter why her cousin, who is 4 and autistic, doesnt play like her. She has been getting better with him but we explained to her that hes just a bit different and plays different than her. My nephew is non verbal and dont like to be touched, so she plays as he plays and they seem to play well together now but it did take awhile
He’s 5 he doesn’t know. If he’s never been around someone with autism we need to show grace and teach him. Don’t discipline your child for not knowing. Maybe explain to him that not all kids are the same and some have differences that make them unique.
I would simply say “I’m sorry if what he said was upsetting. We are still learning about differences and it is a work in progress”
He’s five. Try to explain any other medical ‘condition’ (can’t think of the right word) to him. They are over sensitive for expecting him to understand. There may be a gentle way to lead him to understand hes different but he’s not going to understand autism.
Did you know before hand that they had an autistic son? If so the time to talk to him would have been before the family gathering.
They definitely blew that out of proportion. Your child is five and the comments aren’t made to be vicious. Stand your ground on that one for sure.
As far as teaching your kid I love that! Good job ￼
There’s no such thing as a normal child or not normal child. As a parent of a disabled child myself the way we refer to our special needs children is they’re not a “typical” kid. Also for a parent to get that upset of a 5y/o asking a question is utterly insane. As a special needs parent you have to know an understand that not everyone including adults knows or understands. An they more than likely have never crossed paths with someone who has special needs before either. The first thing they should have done was help educate your son before ever getting upset. I have kids asking about my child bc they do t understand they don’t know better. I just explain in the best way I can as to why my child is doing what she is. All you can do is explain to your son that some kids are typical kids an some kids are not typical. Find out if you can take him to visit the kids in the special needs class at your local school and have the teacher help teach him about the different disabilities and how he should treat them. But honestly if your in laws are going to get that butt hurt over your son asking a simple question then they’re the ones who need the education. He wasn’t making fun of his cousin he was confused why he wasn’t playing with him. An for those parents to behave they way they did is appalling. Their entitlement mentality that everyone must automatically know what to do an say involving their child always is just ridiculous. I say that they owe you an your son an apology not you them.
Your child is perfectly normal, asked an appropriate question for his age and if his observation was accurate, then nobody should be upset. In my opinion, you tell him that his cousin has a disability that doesn’t allow him to play with other children, but that you are happy that he tried. I would hope that if and when they see each other again, that he is allowed to interact with his cousin, because you never know when he might have a moment where he responds and they are able to bond.
As a mom with a severe, non verbal son, I don’t take Children’s impression of him to heart. Kids say what they think, that would have been when I sat my nephew down and explained what autism is. Reassured my nephew that my son isn’t maliciously not playing with him, he just doesn’t play the same as him. And I think the fact that your seeking advice for future interactions is wonderful, you’re doing everything right IMO.
He’s 5, he didn’t do anything wrong. At that age my daughter used to ask people why they were fat?! She should have had a little compassion for a 5 year old child, and maybe given him a little explanation, that he’s special and sometimes doesn’t like playing with others, and prefers his clapping, and has nothing to do with not wanting to play with your son. I would leave it, he didn’t do anything wrong. At that age they want to know everything about everything and they have zero filters, it’s up to us, the adults in their lives, to react in a manner a 5 year old will understand! Your brother and sister in law should understand that, having young children themselves’!
It sounds like your son made an observation and did not intend to offend. I would call your brother in law and his wife and ask for guidance on explaining their son autism diagnosis to your child, ask for ideas on how you can teach your son ways to connect to his cousin, ask for resources on how to help your son understand. Not only will this show them you are trying to educate your child but also find a way to connect.
They are parents and as we all know parenting can be stressful. Add in a special need of any kind, that stress may double. They are advocating for their child, just as we all would they do not want their child made fun of.
Although, it does not sound as though your child was intentionally being mean, others may have … leaving them in protective mode.
This is a great learning opportunity for all
You all are making a mountain out off a mole hill. A 5 year old is a child. He didn’t mean to create all this drama. The mother should explained to the 5 year old , you need to realize children say exactly what is on their mind my Grandson has Autism. People you are out off control. Or you might like Drama.
He’s 5. 5 year olds have no filter and they just don’t understand.
You should have explained things to your son before he went. Children are curious and just want things explained to them.
Your son WAS NOT making fun of him and as such, I would for sure not discipline him. However, brother and sister in law sound like total jerks. My brother has fragile-x syndrome and you wouldn’t believe the amount of people that just don’t know, like your son. We told my daughter when she was about your sons age that Uncle Jon is a grown up but he was a special kind of person. He was different but not any less. He still loves us even though he won’t look straight at us and he still deserves love. He doesn’t understand things the same way we do so he may not enjoy the same things we do, but that’s no one’s fault.
This was a new and unfamiliar situation to your five year-old son, so his response was understandable! However, since your husband was attending a family get-together, knew his brother and family would be attending, and if he knew his brother’s son was austistic, your husband should have had a discussion with you young son beforehand explaining autism and why his nephew may act differently that other children!
Your son didn’t say anything wrong, hes 5 and they ask questions thats all he did… they should apologise to you for how they’ve handled it…
The mother saying her child isn’t normal is more of a issue as shes labelled him…
Well I feel his parents should understand that his cousin is 5yrs old and obviously his statement shows that he didn’t understand whats wrong with his cousin it’s innocent and just explain to him In a manner that he will understand, that his cuz is different but his just like him it takes time but they are being very dramatic his just a child that didn’t know or understand
There is a book, “All Cats Have Asperger’s” that is a great read for younger children.
Come on!!! He is only FIVE!!!
I do t think that’s a reason for anybody to be upset. 1 your child made an honest observation. 2. The mother explained her child is “not normal.” I think parents may have been a little over sensitive. But I can understand that as well. Anybody would want to defend their kid if they feel like they are being judged
Really? He’s five years old and has no idea what’s going on. Kids have no filter and he just said what was on his mind. He wasn’t making fun of him, he was simply saying he didn’t want to play him…
The parents overreacted. Your child knew nothing about autism.
Your son didn’t know any better he’s 5. His parents are going to have to toughen up big time if they plan on getting their feelings hurt over something like that. If they want to teach your son about their autistic child so that he will better under next time why don’t y’all set up a play date? They are in the wrong for trying to make a big deal out of nothing. Now he an adult made a rude comment it would’ve been an entirely different situation but this was a young child just saying what he saw.
My son is autistic and I wouldn’t even have taken offence to a 5 yr old making that comment, they don’t know or understand. Just explain it to him in a way that relates to something he likes. There was no offence even done, just tell them you apologize and you will speak with your son about it. No worries after that
Your husband didn’t need to apologise! The mother who said he wasn’t normal should be! Your child was curious and wanted to know why he wouldn’t play. He stated the obvious, because at 5 that’s what they do, and said his cousin seemed to prefer clapping instead of playing, which he does! Just explain he is autistic which means he just doesn’t listen, understand or act in quite the same way as you (your son) do. There maybe other things he likes to do but as he has a lot of autism and not just a little bit, it will mean for now he will just like to be by himself. I’d be saying to the bil that his own mother saying their child isn’t normal is more offensive. They’d be furious if your hubby had said that not her! She should’ve said he doesn’t play the same or understand games the same way as he (son) does as his brain just works a bit differently than most peoples, then if the cousin dies have certain likes like cars for eg, should’ve suggested something with that that your son could’ve interacted with him with.
He’s a kid they should be more understanding and talked to him kinda explained in a few words to him …
You’re brother in law and his wife were in the wrong. The 5 year old did not make fun of him he asked a question. I’d just explain to your son that everyone is different and that it could hurt their feelings
You should’ve talked to your son about this before the get together maybe that would’ve helped your 5 ur old understand a little better
Just explain that he’s different. He doesn’t have the words that’s why he claps. If the clapping needs to be explained. I was a prek teacher many years ago and i had a 5 year old boy with autism. Non verbal. He would come to my class often, my room was secluded and quiet, the rest of the building was wide open and loud. I had 3 year olds and 4 year olds at the time and I promise you they are so smart and so understanding and conscious of their friends. I explained “child” was different but he is still our friend and sometimes he needs help with being calm or playing or cleaning up and as his friends who have the words and ability to be helpful we should, we should always make sure he felt comfort and knew he was surrounded by friends and these kids went so over and beyond to make sure “child” felt so much love and kindness. It was beautiful.
Explain to your son that everyone and is different and that it’s not nice to say certain things. I’d then address the child’s parents and explain to them that your son did nothing out of malice and that he needs to be educated like many people if you are not exposed to it then how would anyone know. I’d apologize if they felt some type of way but again he is only 5 and when y’all encounter anyone with special needs or disabled I would just educate him so unexpected comments are made. He did nothing wrong and the Austin sons mother could have better explained it instead of just saying he’s not normal. Education is key in situations like these. Don’t beat yourself up over it and let your son know he did nothing wrong bc he didn’t know.
Of course a 5 year old wouldn’t understand, maybe if it was talked about to him before he went there may have helped