Your 5 year old didn’t do anything wrong. The parents of the other child had a good chance to explain a little bit about their autistic son to your son, to teach them why he is different, they didn’t need to make a massive deal and try and say that your son was being nasty as all I can see was him being observant and asking about it, how else are children meant to learn about anything without asking questions 
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First, the 7yos parents are definitely overreacting.
That being said, this video may help.you with the discussion with your 5yo!
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Speaking as a mother who has a child with a disability, she is being incredibly overly sensitive as well as the father. Your son should not be in any trouble nor should you or your husband. It was an honest and simple observation that your son made who is only five and it was an accident. You both said an apology and it shouldn’t go any further than that. Describing your own child as “not normal”really isn’t OK either. 
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He didn’t say anything wrong. The parents are totally overreacting. Just let him know that is cousin a different and that he’s not able to play with him at the moment but never apologized for something that wasn’t hurtful or anything like that
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If the grown ups had any common sense they’d see that a 5 yr old child who doesn’t understand said that. It should just be explained better to him.
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So my niece has non verbal autism her and my son were born 29 days apart they are both 4. I explained to my son that everybody has different abilities some people can do things other people can’t, some people love motors (he does) some have other interests. I explained to him that not everybody has to talk to communicate she grabs your hand and will point now. Without hesitation my son accepted this answer. I have a video of them on her birthday of them communicating in their own way. She doesn’t do this with ANYONE but him. And he now just goes with it and accepts her and her quirks.
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He’s. 5. The comment does not sound like he was making fun of the child. More like not understanding. If your inlaws were that offended, they need to get a grip and figure out a way to have a conversation with people. They easily could have addressed the entire situation right there by simply saying, ‘his brain just works a little differently than yours, it isn’t that he doesn’t want to play with you, he just has a hard time playing it others so he prefers to do his own thing.’ People are so dang overly sensitive these days. He’s 5 and someone should have taken some time to explain to him instead of making him apologize and feel bad for a comment when he was trying to understand. 
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I love that you’re compassionate enough to actually look into how to appropriately approach this situation. Thank you. From a mother of an autistic child, thank you. I don’t feel your child was making fun of his cousin. It sounds to me that he was confused. My third child of four has autism. I had to explain to three of my children the why and how he is different than they are. The approach had to vary based on age and maturity. It’s going to completely depend on that with your child. I’ll pray that God helps you find the words needed. Again, thank you.
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Parents are totally over reacting. While you do explain autism to your son I would also add in that there are many other illnesses that make children and adults behaove differently and you should be understanding, patient and know that not everyone acts and looks like sons name
Also, he is 5. The parents are totally over reacting; but maybe they’re just very defensive of their child because they’re trying to protect the child. I would just apologize and day that you have or are going to educate your child and see what comes of it. Maybe your child can throw a little something in as well of what he has learnt that you taught him? That would make them feel special I feel.
Your son did not make fun of your nephew, he just didn’t understand disability or autism. You need to explain to you son that not everyone is able to do the things he does. Walk talk think, that should have been done before the reunion or when his comments were made. Your husband, should have pulled him off to the side and told him that the little boy wasn’t able to do things and play like he could. If the child was clapping, he was probably happy to see or be around another child. Explain that even if he can’t play like him he probably enjoys him talking to him or being around him.
He needs to be told to be nice, polite, and sweet to him because he doesn’t get to play and do the things he can. He can talk to him about things he likes or read to him, even though he may not understand he will probably enjoy having another child around him.
My children learned this at an early age because we had neighbors who had a autistic child. Some children were not as lucky or blessed as they were and it wasn’t right to point or make fun of them. This is something that should have been talked about before the reunion.
My youngest son is autistic, it wasn’t the younger children who were the cruelest, but the ones 7 and up who were, so teach your son now that laughing or making fun or even pointing at children or people who are different or disabled isn’t nice. They wouldn’t like it done to them because of their hair, clothes, or looks.
Again, he didn’t understand why his cousin didn’t play with him, and this really should have been addressed before hand, but he wasn’t being mean. If you go next time, you should remember to remind him about his. The other parents need to understand this AND be less sensitive, understanding works both ways. Also there are probably books at the library for kids to help explain this to him.
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I can’t get over those parents !!! Your son is a 5 year old child and his comment is completely understandable as little ones don’t understand. The adults ought to be able to "understand " THAT !!!
As the mother of a disabled child, your son did nothing wrong. Many of us welcome questions about our kids especially innocent ones from curious children. They’re teachable moments that lead to inclusion. The mother is absolutely wrong for saying her son “is not normal.” Wth?! You could say his cousin enjoys playing differently and may be clapping because he’s overwhelmed with all the people or new situation and that it calms him. Then you could point out ways they are similar.
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He didn’t make fun of him, he simply stated what he was doing. But honestly, this is something you should’ve been telling him from day one. Everyone is different and therefore everyone acts in different ways. It’s not polite to point out things that are different from you, if you have questions you ask them in private. The mother of the seven-year-old is problematic as well, never should she have said that her son is not normal. She could have taken the opportunity to explain that her son had something called autism or she could’ve just simply said that he plays differently and sometimes doesn’t know how to play with children and then assured your son that it wasn’t that he didn’t want to play with him, he just didn’t know how. Your husband also should have taken your son aside and had a private conversation with him 
Where is your common sense to begin with? How can, for 1 seconds think your FIVE YEAR OLD is making fun of his cousin. Your husband DID NOT have to apologize, but cudos to him for doing so, TWICE!!! Your bil and his over sensitive wife, should just keep away from EVERYONE!!! A 5 year old don’t snatching about sickness or disabilities, and he was so innocent in his remark. Take this time tho and explain to him that everyone is different. Don’t let him bottle up his feelings or thoughts or freedom in asking questions or saying things. Teach him to be thoughtful and respectful 
. I’d stay away from those two in laws though.
I feel like by 7, kids should be aware of kids with disabilities
First of all, your son is 5. He probably doesn’t understand anything about autism. Second, your brother in law and his wife, were wrong. Your child did not make fun of him, he simply said the truth. That his cousin didn’t want to play with him, and instead liked clapping more. It probably would have been a good idea to explain beforehand that his cousin was “different.” I’d talk to his parents and explain that your son didn’t understand and that he wasn’t making fun of him, he’s 5.
You did nothing wrong, your husband shouldn’t have apologized, and your child did nothing wrong.
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I used to say that their brain works differently than yours and sometimes what is fun for then might not be fun for you. We are all different
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Explain he’s 5 not 15
I wouldn’t apologize tbh
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First the 7 year olds parents are going to have a long tough road if they get offended everytime someone points out their son is different. Of course he is different! Celebrate it! It’s like the elephant in the room, when you shed a little light on it, it’s no longer scary! Explaining to your little guy would help him to understand that everyone is different in some ways. The way I explain autism to kids is that kids with autism are special, they have so much going on inside it is like a mystery. A mystery that if you can solve you are golden! Kids with autism have a sort of super power that they know when they can trust you enough to allow you into their world. Their world maybe confuse you but it makes sense to them. If you are patient you can see the magic.
I have worked with students with autism for 20 years of all ages and I wish people would stop brushing the exceptionality under the rug and celebrate it.
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Kids don’t have a filter . They should not be making such a big deal I mean 5 yrs olf especially if there not directly raised with someone special . I get it his reaction . Shame on your brother in law eith how he handled it he’s a grown man . And you husband already apologized. And it was clear your son wasn’t making fun . Just asking questions .
I have a special little boy myself 
my youngest son who’s 5 . He’s mild so I understand hoe to start a conversation with your son
Just start by talking about what happened . Then explain that not everyone is the same and that’s ok . But maybe tell him if he has a question like that about someone to ask you or dad . Explain some behaviors that are normal with someone with autism.
Best of luck momma
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Your son is 5 and completely innocent. My 5 year old once asked “why is that man so fat?” Very loudly in the grocery store. Kids just say what’s on their mind.
I tell my children that God makes us all different and all special. We are all beautiful in our own way. We all have feelings that don’t want to be hurt so we don’t say mean things. (Your 5 yo wasn’t being mean though). You can explain that his cousins brain works differently than others and that clapping is how he shows his feelings and communicates.
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He is 5 . They need to take into consideration that 5 yr old may have never been around anyone like that . He to is still a very young boy . What should they have thought ? The five yr old should all the wonders of the world? He needs to take a step back and realize he as that child’s father may need to explain his child’s situation to other kids from time to time .
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Your son did nothing wrong. Simply explain to him that your nephew learns and acts in a different way because of autism. The parents are totally overreacting. Your son was simply sad that he didn’t want to play with him and didn’t understand why.
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Coming from a mother to a high functioning autistic 7 year old, kids are simply curious. I turn them into as many teaching moments as possible. And usually after I explain, they try to include him in whatever they’re doing.
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Your son did nothing wrong- he’s 5
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Maybe you’re lucky that these people don’t come around very often. Stop feeling bad and don’t put guilt on your five year old. Just give him a brief explanation in simple terms of Autism, and let the matter drop.
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He didn’t make fun of this child! He IS - a child who didn’t understand what was happening and asked questions about why the child didn’t want to play with him. She didn’t respond appropriately in my opinion, she should have sat him down and explained autism to him in a way he can understand. SHE dropped the ball- you couldn’t because you weren’t there. And that explanation comes much better from the parent of the child with autism- because they are the experts.
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We tell our kiddos that their brain works differently and they enjoy different things. There is nothing wrong with them.
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As the momma of a 6 year old autistic boy, I don’t think your son was making fun of his cousin at all. I think he was genuinely curious as to why his cousin didn’t want to talk to or play with him and he doesn’t have the vocabulary to express that. He probably felt like he was getting the cold shoulder. He did nothing wrong. My son is very antisocial and I explain to all the cousins “Blaze’s brain works a little differently. He needs lots of reminders to pay attention to other people. His favorite things are XYZ and if you talk to him about those things he will talk back.” Most kids understand disabilities better than we think and they genuinely want to help that person most of the time, but they don’t know how.
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Sometimes kids learn at different paces. But they enjoy friends as any other child does. Simple way I define for my son (adult), is hes bigger on the outside than the inside. I work in a school and bit the bullet to go the school BBQ with my son. I spoke to my students and said it would mean the world if they would give him a fist bump as he likes that. So many of my kids came up, said hi, fist bumped and some even inquired about him a couple times. It’s all about educating them. If raised with manners and compassion children really are wonderful little people.
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It’s a sensitive subject to both parties. I would explain to your son that everyone is different and that’s what makes each of us special. I point out things about my sons and tell them this is what makes them special and point out things of other children and let them know that’s what makes them special. What his cousin did is his form of communication and has absolutely nothing to do with your son. My son had an autistic girl in his class and we explained it at 3. We told him it’s nothing that he does but her form of playing looks a little different than his. He’s six now and he gets it. At five, your child could comprehend if you just explain it to him in a way he understands.
As the parent of a neurodivergent child myself, my advice is to ask your brother in law and his wife how you can explain his autism to your son in a way they are comfortable with. This is a great opportunity for you to learn and for you to help your son, and at very young age, understand the differences in people that exist in the world. My advice is continue the conversation with the kids parents from a compassionate place, don’t be offended and find out how they are comfortable with you explaining things to your son, and teach your Son. I’m sure your kiddo didn’t mean anything. Negative by it, he’s just a little guy asking a natural question.
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I hate when people refer to people with a disability as not normal. What is normal? Take this as a teaching opportunity with your five year old. Teach him about people with disabilities. Being on the spectrum looks different for every individual, so I recommend really teaching yourself about being on the spectrum before teaching your child.
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He’s 5 and didn’t understand. He wasn’t being hateful. He was confused. If mom and dad are that upset, thdy ahve a tough road ahead bc kids will say what pops in their heads bc it makes sense to them, not to be mean. Especially at 5.
You simply explain what it is and what that means. Then, you explain that it’s important to be nice and not try to make anyone feel bad for being different.
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That is a statement from a curious 5 year old child. He doesn’t understand!! They’re being completely ridiculous. It’s more offensive that she said “my child is not a (normal) child and that’s why he doesn’t want to play with you” that sounds worse than what your son said.
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I’m an autistic mom. And do NOT find what your child said offensive. He’s 5 and simply making am observation based on what he knows… If he had made the observation about one of my children, I would have explained to him that his cousin DOES like him, but because of his autism, he prefers to play on his own sometimes. And his clapping? He does that because it makes him feel really good. Kind of like when you laugh really hard? That’s the way clapping makes him feel! I would also explain that right now, we’re in a new place. And that’s kind of scary for him. So he might want to be alone more and clap more than normal, only because it’s how he deals with new and scary stuff.
You should try to better explain autism to your son so he is aware of it because your nephew isn’t the only autistic person he’ll come in contact with. Teach them young about autism. Teach them young about acceptance. Teach them young about kindness. Because there isn’t enough of that right now.
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I don’t think your son was making fun of him. It sounds like he doesn’t understand. More exposure would help him learn more about autism… I would ask what their son likes, and try to encourage your son to participate in that activity. Have a conversation before to prepare him for the differences.
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He’s 5yrs!! He wasn’t being mean. He just genuinely wanted to know why. At this age he most likely won’t really understand what he did wrong. If it was a way older child or adult that said it I could see the parents getting upset but I feel they need to not be butt hurt over what a 5yr old said.
He’s five and at that way they are curious they are very blunt and know no there way to put it but to be direct and say what they are feeling so he wasn’t making fun he was probably hurt his cousin didn’t want to play and didn’t understand so they should have understood and not made a big deal although I understand them being upset in general but they should have understood.
As an autism parent it took me a long time to realize that not everything should upset me. Especially coming from a 5 yr old. Your brother in law should know that a lot of people just don’t understand and never will. However. Just sit down and explain to your son what Autism is, maybe let him watch some videos about it even. you can’t expect him to understand fully right off. But if your trying to educate him, that is doing the right thing. I still get comments from full grown adults. Nobody will ever truly get it. Dont be so hard on yourself. Your son didnt know.
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I have an autistic child as well and I don’t consider myself that sensitive that I couldn’t see that the child making the comment simply didn’t understand. Explain to him that the child does in fact understand him, but can’t talk so playing is hard for him. (PS His brother needs to calm down. He is a kid. This kind of thing is going to happen).
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He’s 5 he did nothing wrong smh
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How about you explain to your 5 year old that some kids are different and that’s ok. That his cousin is one of those kids and because they never see eachother it makes it harder for him to feel comfortable playing. Also explain to him that these kinds of kids will be around him his whole life and that the best thing he can do is
be kind and understanding. He should be aware that everyone is different and that’s what makes every person special.
If I was you, I would then explain to both my brother-in-law and his wife (and possibly my husband and the rest of his family) that as the adults in the situation, they had a perfect opportunity to teach a young mind how to treat others that may be “differnt”. Instead, they chose to get butthurt over a comment made by a child. A comment that was nothing more than an honest observation. Your son did nothing wrong. He’s 5. He’s never been in a situation where he saw someone acting the way his cousin was and he was confused. Moreno, they are offended yet noone addressed that your sons point was “he doesnt want to play with me”. So if they want your son to understand what his cousins life is like, then they need to understand that your sons feelings were hurt and he stated the obvious. Sounds like you have an opportunity to teach, and they need to use this opportunity to learn. They have a long road ahead if they can’t understand anything except the basic statement they hear.
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Your sons statement was stating the facts. The boy didn’t want to play with him. The adults should understand that children don’t comprehend things like this until they learn. I would tell him his cousin learns differently than him and maybe he could join him in clapping around the house. Explain compassion for those “less abled” than us. Find a book that explains kids with different disabilities.
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He is 5 tell the parents to get over it.
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Be blunt. Explain that he has autism and that kids with autism are different in how they see the world and communicate and even play. They process things very differently and that they were born this way. Explain that him clapping around the house is how he was dealing with the loud noises and the lights of the party. Explain that every kid processes things differently. Explain to him about the specific situation and tell him that his cousin could’ve been overwhelmed and children with autism will do what’s called stimming and explain why they do it. Stress how smart and talented kids with autism are. My daughters Autistic and I had to explain to a lot of kids when I had her in swimming because she’d have sensory meltdown in the change room and everyone would point and laugh at her or ask what was wrong with her or tell her to shut up. We stopped going cause I started getting hate from parents and was told that my child shouldn’t be in a normal kid class that she should be in a class with all the other retards. Simply cause I explain she was autistic.
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I think his brother and wife are overreacting and are just looking to argue. I’m sure they heard worse things, I’m sure if they go out in public kids point or stare at them because that’s what young kids do when there not sure what is going on with someone. I would contact the parents myself and tell them that I’m sorry if they felt hurt by what my son said but he’s a curious five year old who hasn’t been around anyone with autism so he wasn’t sure why his cousin wouldn’t want to play with him. I would tell them that I had a talk with him trying to explain why his cousin wouldn’t talk or play with him so hopefully he doesn’t say anything in front of anyone again but he still young
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Someone needs to tell these parents that THEY need to learn to become comfortable giving a short and sweet explanation of autism to adults and children alike.
The parents of an autistic (or any child) must be their kids first, and best, advocate.
Getting butthurt over an appropriate question from a 5 year old suggests that they aren’t yet comfortable with their child or his diagnosis. They could benefit from some family counseling.
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Those adults are STUPID to think the 5 yr old they met 2 times would understand why their son is different. The 5 yr old made an observation and communicated it in the only way he knows how. Its not his fault that grown ups got offended when there was no need for it. I never go around thinking every child I encounter knows what I do. They are children and are constantly learning. Those 2 parents better coddle themselves up in their house if they can’t even handle a 5 yr olds innocent observation.
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Oh my he’s 5 say nothing to him please they r in the wrong for this ur 5 yr old is to young to no any difference
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As a mom of 2 children on the spectrum, they are being weird about it. I have to answer questions all the time about autism. There are lots of books about autism at the library. They explain autism on a child’s level. Definitely a teaching/learning moment for your son. But the in laws are going to need to learn how to deal with other curious children. They are acting crazy about it.
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It sounds like someone found a horse to ride and intends to ride it for attention until it refuses to run any longer. You’ve both apologized several times. Your in-laws are horseback riding.
Let them ride.
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Your son did not make fun just saying what he felt. The mother should have explained that her son was not like other boys and he will take a long time to like people…the father needs to get off his high horse and face what the future holds for him and his son…why must people be in such a hurry to spew hate???this was a comment from a 5 year old
…
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First of all he’s 5 years old. He doesn’t understand any of that stuff yet. So I would go back to the brother and tell him how outrageous he is for saying that your son was making fun of his kid. The mother should have used that as a learning opportunity and she should have explained that better to your son rather than telling him he’s not a normal child. I have a son on the spectrum and I’m always willing to explain his actions and weird things to other kids if needed. I can’t even believe they woukd say that your son was being mean or hateful.
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OK your son is only 5 yrs old & they speak the truth, You or your husband should have explain to him in very simple terms that his cousin isn’t like other kids/boys, And what might seem like he is doing something weird or funny, he isn’t doing this on purpose, But this is how he is, And your son can still talk to him but he has to understand his cousin might not answer back & that is OK, He is special & will always be special,
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It seems he was not coming from a making fun of type of place but from a true perspective of not understanding why this child didn’t respond " so called normal " . I first would look up a few autistic groups Finding Cooper’s Voice is a great one . Show your son videos of differently abled kids and people in general and talk abt how he can be a better friend or cousin by learning abt how others play/react .
I have a cousin that has severe autism, she love bangle type bracelets, she is over joyed to pass them back and forth as her way to play . Help your son tune into others vibes and he will understand and find ways to interact with his cousin. Maybe talk with the parents and be honest , they have to advocate for their child at a different level and that may sometimes leave them a bit more vulnerable. I think this can be a great opportunity for your son and family to grow .
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He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s only 5 years old. Just sit down with him sometime and explain that everybody is different and do things their own way.
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They completely overreacted. Your son noticed something not familiar and different. Dont reprimand him for that but instead teach him about it. Hes 5… hes only been alive 5 years and they should’ve took that opportunity to teach him about autism.
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Wow! Just wow! I’d call up that sister In-law and put her and her husband In There place and explain how children work because obviously they have no idea and then I wouldn’t go around them again trust me been doing this stupid shit for 18 years and it ended eight months ago finally my daughters 15 trust me when I tell you don’t put your children through it because it wrecked mine and finally her dad figured out his family is NOT a family!!!
He is just a child of course he didn’t understand. You’re brother-in-law and his wife are overly sensitive and uptight. They could of took time to help him understand his cousin but instead caused an issue over it. He did not do or say anything wrong. He stated the truth and it was not mean.
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WTF… 
He’s 5! He wasn’t being malicious or offensive. He doesn’t understand. All he knows is he wanted to play with his cousin and it wasn’t happening. His parents are being overly sensitive and I say that in the nicest way possible.
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He’s 5 
I’ve had to explain autism a million times to children due to my 5 almost 6 year old on the spectrum. I tell them while “Frankie’s body is 5 but his mind is 2, so sometimes he may not be able to play, talk or act in a way that’s 5 years old. You can tell him to use nice hands, show him how to play the game you want to play or ask me to help you find something you can do together. Sometimes he may walk away, sing, or be in his own world and that’s okay too then that means he wants to be alone so we have to respect that.” They overreacted majorly, autism isn’t for the weak.
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He’s 5 years old and too young to understand what autism is. Tell his parents this. I have a 7yr old and shes even too young to understand what autism is.
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Apologize apologize for what because your child was sad that nobody would play with him come and don’t feed into these idiots really
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tell them to get Iverson themselves, he’s freaking 5. these parents are looking for a fight so they can seem like parents of the year for “defending” him. I have 2 children on the spectrum, tell them to get over themselves
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We teach that everyone is different and that is okay. The world would be boring if everyone was the same (we have an aunt with no limbs and that is how we explained things to our kids). That said in this case I’d explain to my kid that he was made differently and that doesn’t mean he is bad. People that are made this way tend to not like to play as closely with others and its okay to ask questions but never to be mean about it. You can still love them even if they don’t play and show love the same.
Now for the family members upset, explain that this is the first time your child has encountered this situation and remind them your kid is 5 and still learning. This works the same for many disabilities, my 5 yr old just encountered a little person recently and was scared because she didn’t understand. That is always going to be a teaching moment to explain that is how the person is made and they are no different than others inside.
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First of all your son is 5 and the comment he made wasn’t meant to be mean or anything of the sort! Again he is 5 and if this is his 1st time being around someone with autism then it’s definitely a learning experience. They need to lighten up or they are going to have a long life of being negative and offended constantly. How can anyone expect a 5 year old to understand? That would have been a good time for the mom to sit down and try to explain why her son is different and help your son understand that everyone is different in their own way but we love them all!
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As a mother of a child who has autism, I feel that the parents overreacted. Your son did not say anything in the least that would indicate that he was making fun of anyone. He’s 5. How would the parents expect him to know their child has autism if nobody explained it to your son?
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Sounds like the parents overreacted. He’s 5 and doesn’t understand what autism is. Don’t make your son feel bad for questioning something he doesn’t understand. I would sit him down and tell him that his cousins brain works different than his and most other children. I would also explain that because of his brain he can’t play, talk, etc. like him and that he just needs to be nice to him.
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He’s just a child ! Take time to explain people are so crazy
There’s plenty of books you can find explaining autism. I have two severely autistic children. Explaining autism doesn’t have to be a big elephant in the room and it’s not a disease people need to be afraid of. His brain works a little differently and he has a different way of communicating with everyone and how he likes to maybe play alone but he can still hear what you’re saying to him. It can be hard for kids to grasp at first but it’s important to try. There’s some great books that help explain autism for younger kids we got some for my two older kids to better understand their siblings. Being a parent with autism it can be hard hearing things like what your child said and not take offense we’re just protecting our already vulnerable kids. Your kiddo did nothing wrong at all he’s 5, but it’s your responsibility to teach him about the different people in the world especially if one of those is his family member.
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He just doesn’t understand. The father should have sat him down right away and explained to him the reason the boy was different. Also he has to explain not so say something out loud about people. This includes people with one leg, blind in a wheelchair or scars.make sure he knows he can ask anything when alone.
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That was a missed opportunity imo.
A teachable moment that would’ve taught your child that differences of any kind can be celebrated.
I have a special needs child and whenever kids would ask those wonderfully blunt questions I made it a teachable moment.
I did this as the mom of the special needs son bc I wanted to show anyone I could that his differences make him special not hindered. I wanted to control the narrative and show the next generation that autism can be celebrated instead of pitied.
I also always had my child around when I explained it this way so he could learn different wasn’t a bad thing.
Now he goes to school with a positive attitude about his autism and teaches his peers.
The parents shouldn’t get angry, they should make an opportunity to work together with your child to teach him an understanding that’ll last his lifetime. And also their son could’ve heard from his parents that he is different but amazing. They may not always show it but they understand more than u and I imagine. Now I fear this poor boy feels he really is different from the world bc his parents react so poorly.
Just have a talk with your kiddos but don’t make him feel bad, he wasn’t rude he was curious.
Omfg he’s 5 ?? How is he suppose to know what autism is ? Instead of them getting butt hurt they should’ve explained to him what it is and why he won’t or can’t play…
I am the mother of a child who has autism. The fact that the parents are in the offended stage, even when another innocent child makes a comment, usually means that they have not entirely processed everything yet. There are stages of grief that take forever to go through, including one that feels like acceptance but you feel like everyone should accept them and what they are going through and you’re so incredibly protective of them and their diagnosis that sometimes it’s hard to pull yourself back and remember people don’t know what to do sometimes. To get mad at a 5 year old for not knowing what is happening is extreme, and says so much more about their pain than anything. Explaining autism to a child who does not experience it every day is hard because they will take that explanation and add it to anyone who acts differently. Yes, it’s your job to raise a child who is accepting of others needs and challenges, but not to avoid innocent questions and frustrations.
If I were in your shoes today, I would reach out to the parents, explain that 5 year Olds will ask questions, all kids will ask innocent questions and it is up to them to recognize an innocent question is different from bullying. And then I would leave it at that, unless you’re interested in having a closer relationship, in which case I would ask for play dates so that your child will become used to what those differences are.
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He’s 5 yrs old. They should understand that a child of that age doesn’t understand situations like that yet. And that it wasn’t meant to he offensive. He just doesn’t get it. They are being a bit dramatic. It wasn’t that big of a deal.
But with that said… you guys should definitely talk with your son. It’s the perfect time to explain to him how people are different and sometimes have disabilities… learning or physical… and that we don’t judge them based on that. Explain how to appropriately act in those types of situations.
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Your sister in law is wrong ! She should have kindly explained to your son what Autism is , he’s 5 not 15 !
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I have never been mad at my kids for asking questions and not understanding another person’s disability. I have always explained. Its not bullying unless its persistent. I have twin boys. One who is autistic with cerebral palsy. Kids ask questions all the time. I always just put a smile on my face get down to the kids level and say that my son was just born different. He has a hard time walking. As for his autism I explain that he has little quirks but it doesn’t change who he is. He just looks at things differently.
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My eldest child (13) is autistic and my youngest (8) has developmental delays due to his birth (NICU - emergency c-section) so I’ve dealt with a lot of comments and judgements. My son is moderate to high functioning so not as severe as your nephew however I do feel that the parents over reacted. Whenever I encountered situations like this I would just take the time to explain the behavior and it always helped. They just need to understand and once they do they get it and they are ok with it. Kids are resilient and they aren’t naturally judgy or mean they learn it from their experiences and surroundings. I hate to say it but it sounds like they themselves have some sensitivities about their son and over reacted. I would educate your son about autism and his cousin and then tell his parents that you educated your son and are sorry that the comment hurt them but it was an innocent question due to him not knowing.
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I’m going with explaining people are different, starting with things he would understand, like some people’s. Legs don’t work the same. They use wheel chairs, braces, walk different with a limp. End with people’s brains are different, some people learn by doing, some read or use computer. Some people learn really fast at somethings but slower at others. Doesn’t make them dumb or smarter than anyone else just different. Like hair color, size, speed ext. Then talk about his cousin and what is a good thing to do with him
Ur kid is only 5, only a child himself, he doesn’t understand that his cousin has something wrong with him, as he is only young.x he didn make fun, he only asked a simple question from a childs point. Kids will ask questions which wud embarrass parents, U don’t have to keep apologising, they shud know than small kids will ask.
.all u have to do is say to ur son that some people big an small can have health problems and this makes them special, an it mite take them longer to learn or not speak etc, but if u want to ask, ask wen were at home, i always told my kids things like this and remembered them not to stare if anyone was in wheelchairs as it isnt nice to stare. An that they are extra special people that God made '. X
But dont be hard on urself or ur kid.x x
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They need to understand that your son is ONLY 5yrs old and since they hadn’t been able to grow up together this is a hard thing for a 5yr old to understand. Your son wasn’t trying to be mean and there is only so much of it that he will understand until he is a bit older.
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Your son is only 5 years old and his comment wasn’t offensive. Your sister in law should’ve just explained what Autism is to your 5 year old son instead of getting upset of a comment he made. Your son is not at fault.
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So what happens to those children that have genuine health problems and have a lower attendance rate or don’t have the ability to gain good marks because of they educational needs,Are they excluded too? Sounds very elitist to me
One thing about a 5 year old is that most of the time they are very honest. I think he was just stating facts, that his cousin didn’t want to play with him. I’m not sure where the disrespect came in but as the other child’s parents I can understand how defensive they would be when it comes to their son. I don’t think your son was in any way being disrespectful. But I think it could be a teachable moment for all involved. 5 year olds understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Just explain it to him the best way you feel he can understand it. He may have questions which needs to be answered. But maybe he can ask your in-laws the questions so they understand you’re trying to make your 5 year old aware of his cousins autism and they can probably answer the questions the best anyway. Hopefully this situation works itself out for your family. Prayers and blessings to you all
He is 5… sounds like they need to wake up and realize the kid doesn’t understand the situation. He made it clear in his comment so for them to act like that is ridiculous in my opinion. If your child was older and was making a derogatory remark I could understand it but in that situation they are truly overreacting
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He’s FIVE. He wasn’t intentionally being hurtful. He genuinely didn’t understand why his cousin wouldn’t play with him. The parents need to chill out and maybe be better role models and help you explain to your child what autism is instead of acting like their 5 year old nephew should just automatically know what’s wrong with their son.
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I told mine irs like having a special super power that makes him different than other kids; his iq is pretty stinking high and he sees things different si that’s how I explained to him
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Your son is5! I’m sure he wasn’t saying anything to be mean. He just doesn’t understand. Find a book, or talk to him. The Brother in law is being an ass. Maybe after your son understands more, he could send his cousin a card or not that he made. Don’t let that drive a bigger wedge between you all. Family is so very important. Good luck.
Tell the brother it was not insulting. It was a confused statement asking why won’t he play with me. The child was not being a troublemaker. Ask the brother to explain to his nephew what Autism is. There must be communication in the family or it will always be awkward and there will not be more meetings.
Compassion is needed here by the Uncle and Aunt.
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Wow if they don’t have patience with a 5 year old expressing his feelings I can just imagine how horrible they are to their autistic child 
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Your 5 year old wanted to play and didn’t understand. That would have been a great opportunity for the present adults to explain this to him not take offense to a child who doesn’t understand. That’s their bad not yours
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Your son is 5. He wasn’t making fun of anyone. He spoke genuinely from the heart and called it like he saw it. That’s what 5 year olds do. Your sister in law explained it perfectly. They are both lacking in maturity and common sense if they are making an issue out of this.
Your son doesn’t need to be taught about autism . He just needs to know that there are many different people in the world who will look and do differently than us - but it’s not polite to speak on it because it might hurt their feelings. Just wait and tell mom & Dad when we are alone
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He’s 5, he didn’t understand….he was NOT making fun of the little boy….
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The child was 5 and meant no harm or put down
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It’s hard my second granddaughter has autism and trying to explain her actions and behaviors to her 18 month older sister and 17 month younger sisters was a very long process of a lot of observation and explanations over the next several years
Your son was confused and curious— not making fun of his cousin. I want to point that out now! Your brother in law needs to calm down! Attacking children from a adult view causes trauma in children. I have a 9 year old son that is high functioning autistic and he stems. All I tell people is don’t get upset if he chooses not to interact bc he is in his own little RJ world. I actively coach my child to interact with other kids. Maybe brother in law should read a little bit more about his son’s condition and help him find his way in this messy world. Your son did NOTHING wrong except have curiosity!
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