So my 8 year old daughter has an additude that im thinking in my time i was 15. She lies, hurts her 3 year old sister, doesn’t listen!. Our family is normal nothing has changed in her life. Im at a loss. I will take any advice please. I cant imagine this escalating when she is only in grade 2
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I fix my 8-year-olds attitude?
I stopped letting my daughter watch YouTube and her attitude has gotten better
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Sounds like oppositional defiance disorder
Same problem with my 8 year old son, is mean to his 2 year old brother to.
Thonk she angry or unhappy about something it may b outside the home get her psychologist help.
Ohhhhh mama, do I ever feel this. My daughter is 8 and is all sass and attitude.
Spend some one on one time with her. Have conversations. She is likely feeling neglected. Maybe she feels the younger one is getting more of your time & attention. Plus side, by spending time with her she’s not on YouTube or other social media. She’s not in front of the tv.
I would check in with the school and see if something changed or is going on there
My son from about 6/7-8 almost 9 decided he was randomly going to act out of normal 1st&2nd grade was a struggle, now he’s in 4th and the last 2years has changed. Not saying the behavior is okay but I really think its a age thing.
My daughter was a lil terror at that age as well. The only difference is that she was basically an only child as my kids are 10 years apart and my son was gone off to the military. She would act out and cry and be upset and when asked why she would literally say she didnt know why… She was bossy and mean to friends and was constantly arguing with me. Her little hormones were all over the place. It lasted till about the time she started her monthly cycle around 13. She then leveled out and has been fine since. She will be 18 next week and oh how i remember those “awful 8’s”. Thats what i called that stage. Of course i believe in discipline so she found herself grounded or without her favorite things for a while until she would act right but it was just a phase.
My son is 8 and thinks he’s grown😓 also mean to his 5yr old brother. I don’t have any advice, but hugs momma! You are most definitely in good company.
I’ve learned from having 3 boys that sometimes it’s best to just come down to their level and actually talk to them when they are having issues at that age. Sit with her,talk,ask what’s going on and why she does what she does. Be a best friend,I always pinky promised anything with mine after a talk and telling them if they’d quit with this or that that they’d get whatever small treat for being good for a week. If they started getting out of line,I’d remind them the promise,and then ask if they need to talk. It took a little bit of time but to find the issue and to let them feel like they can express themselves without issues,helps alot. Just coming from my experience.
She needs to have some strict boundaries and expectations, consequences for crossing those lines or failing to meet expectations, to learn some empathy and some therapy. Alot of that behavior comes from feeling forgotten, like she has to fend for herself emotionally and no one will ever understand her. so ifyou want her to learn empathy, you have to practice it with her and try to understand her feelings, even if you dont agree with them. then once you have worked on communication and not just shutting her down when she displays negative emotions, get her into therapy so she has a safe space to discuss things she may not trust you with yet. as far as boundaries and such… I tell my kids all the time you are allowed to feel however you please, but you are NOT allowed to take it out on everyone else. if you want to be respected then you treat others with respect even when you dont feel they deserve it from you.
Just wait till she is 14.
Less screen time is big for my 12 yr old daughter
She may be jealous of her sister pay attention to both of them equally
The sibling itself was a big change. My son is almost nine. My daughter, 2.
He gets in trouble for things she doesn’t because she is still learning…
They’re not used to it, and when they get in trouble for reacting to their sibling it makes them feel resentful.
It’s very important to talk them up for how they are the big sibling. And when they help, praise them.
I had to really step back and see what I was doing that could be effecting my guy when he was that age. Spending more time with him was key but also I found out that he wasn’t doing so well in school and that his dads drinking was also adding to the issues.
Including my son in more of my daily life and conversations was definitely key! Even now that he is 14 when I notice a change in his attitude, I often look at myself, see if I’m adding to it. Check myself if I am and spend some more one on one with him!
She is going through a change and trying to understand all this emotions that she is feeling inside. The best way to help her is not to fix her but try to understand what’s going on with her. Things may not have change at home but maybe they did change at school. Around that age you want to start doing one on one date with them, have check in with them, and try to keep her busy by putting her in sports, dance, and find her some play dates.￼ nothing is broken so fixing her is not the key, the key is to understand and help her deal with all the emotion and change that are coming for her as a girl￼
If I talked to my mom the way my 17 yo granddaughter talks to me I wouldn’t have any teeth yet I’d be dead soooo frustrating
I would sit down with my daughter and have a conversation with her. I would ask her why she is acting like this. I would ask her why she is being mean to her sibling. Explain that it needs to be nicer.
I am in the same boat, except my child Is not mean to anyone. We took her to the doctor and we have discovered she has anxiety and didn’t know how to handle it.
Look up O.D.D.
My granddaughter has it! Sounds like the same thing.
Make an appointment with her pediatrician, and tell him/her exactly what is going on and what your daughter is doing - your pediatrician may want to evaluate her for ADHD, Bi Polar, ODD, etc. She may be doing these things to act out for attention or she has unknown diagnosis, but check with her pediatrician first and then see perhaps about counseling.
I’m grandma and have the same problem with an 8 and 7 year old that I babysit
Does she watch YouTube?? Asking because I have a 6 year old and that was the reason she has changed so much, also my 2 year old we thought it would be a good idea to get him a tablet well it wasn’t we had to take it away, he was always trying to do everything he was seeing on the shows he would watch and started acting completely different.
Best of luck my 8 year old has a attitude like a teenager as well. And she has a good home foundation. We have started taking things like her phone and tv and making her read more when she’s in trouble. She doesn’t like it and sometimes throws a fit but she will eventually learn we’re the parents and she’s the child. If the situation is bad enough I will spank her lightly on her ass. Because this world already has enough disrespectful humans.
Maybe some one on one time with her. You’d be surprised what some one on one time can do. Also limit her time on electronics and maybe start including her on helping out with dinner and chore time together. Some kids just need to feel included. I have four daughters all of them are different and need different types of attention! Good luck mama
Counseling and psychological evaluation
Should have put in the tough work when she was 4 and the sassy pants started up -
Honestly my daughter was like that till about 10 and now my step daughter is doing the same. It’s age kids are not mature and extremely selfish.
Something is up. Is there bullying in school?? I would make doctors appointments AND parent/ teacher conferences. Time to sit down and talk with her. Ask her what’s wrong?
I’d tell her becareful what you do and say it always comes back , then stick to some hard rules. No room for wiggle. Work , No toys
Or counseling lots and lots
Lying is actually something that a lot of kids with ADHD do because adhd causes poor impulse control. This could be a sign of undiagnosed ADHD, and possibly ODD too. ADHD and Lying: The Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fib Response
Punishments. And stick to them!!! Not saying beat your child! But time outs! Take things away! Playtime with friends limited. Threaten to take away a vacation or a fun day if they are not acting appropriately. You need leverage and understanding. The longer it goes unsaid or unpunished the worse it will get
HORMONES they start earlier than we used to
Does she have sports/clubs to go to? Martial arts is fantastic for everyone to learn… Builds confidence, respect
Sorry you need to be harder on her. If she is this way when she is 8… imagine not nipping this now cause you are going to suffer more as she grows older. Ground her, take away the things she likes and don’t include her in family outing until she behaves
Counseling might benefit her. It could also be hormones. My daughter is 9 but for one week out of the month she’s a terror.
I’d take everything away except what she uses for school work and spend more time talking with her. If you aren’t like ne where I would have already the 1st time of the attitude spanked her! Sirry, I have boys & both know better than to start an attitude w/a mom whose given too much. But most times thats the issue, we give too much when kids don’t need that giving! They need more attention to spend time outside w/family. Good luck!
Take away phone, tablet and no YouTube on tv. Just stick to one or two streams like Netflix or Hulu or amazing prime. Lay more books and coloring stuff out and things that’ll catch her eye, go out side as much as possible. It helps but you gotta stick to it and be persistent￼. Calm talking and about feelings. My little one was being crazy for a while and I noticed she’s just over stimulated and not enough attention on her. So we have “me time and us time” no friends or siblings which I get can be hard but you gotta find some way to make it work even for 10 mins a day.
Hurting her 3 year old sister is unacceptable, I understand her emotions are changing and you are frustrated. But that is the first thing to address before it gets worse. Consequences to her actions and dont give in to fits. Kids and even adults still need to learn that. Right now priority is keeping 3 year old safe and constant calm stern consequences. Kids need to learn to accept situations, things dont always go there way and boundaries with themselves and others. Dont ever feel bad about teaching that. When she calms down a good thing is trying to talk about feelings calmly. Never join the chaos or try to let ot stress you out while its happening, stay calm.
Time for a new daughter
Go to the Dr there could be more wrong than just bad attitude. Many times there is a reason, medical/emotional
What’s going on at school?
She may start with puberty, thar happened to My daughter at the same age. Also You can check what is she watching, her school Friends, if she is getting bullied, etc.
8 to 11 year old girl…ugg the worse times with attitude…
I agree alot of what kids watch really take effect on behavior but for my 8year old punishments
Try a doctor maybe she needs to talk to a therapist maybe she feels like for three year old is getting more attention than she is
Honestly, she is probably just needed some one on one attention. She may be feeling somewhat unloved. I was in that state many years ago. Try some one on one time, just u and her go do something. Once a week, even if it’s only for an hour or two, and have her dad do it also. Just him and her once a week. Honestly, it sounds like she is feeling unloved I’m not saying u have done anything “wrong” either, please know that. It’s just something that I know can go thru a small girls head
Focus less on the behavior, and more on what the behavior is communicating. Can be difficult but, you can do it. You’re Mama. Your understanding will benefit her greatly.
Crack her across the butt. So many parents are afraid this will damaged the child. Kids need discipline
IS SHE BEING BULLIED AT SCHOOL???￼. START THERE AND FIND OUT!!! Also, what she watches and plays on games effects that as well.
I’ve been going thru my share with my son who is 11 but it started when he was 7 and has only gotten worse the older he has gotten. We have tried everything to correct it even outside help for counseling and still no change. All I can say is looks likes tough love needs to get even tougher. Good luck!
It could be a cry out for attention. Some kids will result to bad behavior if they feel neglected or ignored (even if they truly aren’t) because they feel their bad behavior will at least get some kind of attention, even if it’s negative. Maybe sit with her when she’s not in a bad mood and talk with her about her thoughts and feelings. You may learn the root of her behavior.
There is something happening in her life that she is processing in this fashion. Find out what she is dealing with and you’ll be able to help her.
￼ Are you giving her enough attention at home? Or is the three-year-old getting more of your attention?￼￼. That plays a huge factor in attitudes.￼
So this is gonna be an unpopular response but how much screen time does she get? Does she have a phone and social media?
If so I highly recommend that an 8 year old doesnt need a phone or social media. Check out screenstrong.com
Get her help now, professional
Hormones possibly? problem at school with friends? Jealous of younger sibling?
Puberty? 8-12 is the worst , you’re in my prayers! Stay strong momma
Is she being bullied at school?
If she has free access to youtube be careful because when my son was watching random families he developed a bad attitude and I cut it off real quick. Since they aren’t allowed YouTube anymore I’ve definitely seen a drastic (better) change. If that’s not it, I’d consider putting her in therapy. maybe there’s something at school that’s bothering her or maybe she just needs to talk to someone.
Everyone saying to start with punishment has never felt unloved as a child. Please be careful what u do or u will push her away. Please be careful. Please start by doing something just YOU AND HER. Then just her DAD and HER. PLEASE
See if the behavior is the same in school. She could be with the wrong friends. Something could’ve happened that changed her attitude. It could be a number of reasons. Just don’t ignore it. Sometimes it’s a cry for help.
I know it can be hard when their acting out but talk to them in a calm voice and make sure she knows what the rules are. Take her favorite toys away and make sure to stick with the punishment. Children need and want to be disciplined it makes them feel safe. They need routine and structure. Make sure to reward respectful communication and behavior.
Do you have a sacred paddle on top of the refrigerator? And you discipline in love not anger
Find out what’s happening at school. Possibly bullying…
Could be any number of things. Hormones. Undiagnosed adhd-common to be missed in girls. Issues at school.
Possibly struggling at school !! My daughter was having a hard time
Its a phase it will pass, set boundaries, correct her, give her time to reflect
Lol shes a kid… Half of you and half of whatever other parent. A child going through the beginning of puberty. You can’t fix that “attitude”
My 8 year old granddaughter is the same way except for hurting her siblings but she does have attitude with them, we’re thinking puberty early but a little more one on one does help some, but we’re also up for suggestions
She is at that age where she could be trying to test her limits
Like do y’all ever stop and think maybe these kids aren’t problem children or they don’t have attitudes. It’s being a child through all these life changing events while being expected to act like a child but be mature like an adult at the same time
Please don’t punish or spank — her rather take her to children’s therapy. Something is driving an 8 year-old’s bad behavior if she isn’t seeing that behavior at home. Do it now before it leads her into serious trouble.
Is something going on at school or with a friend? Something has happened or changed for her to act this way
Puberty. My 8 yr old is going on 18, and the attitude, behaviour and her thoughts suck!
Tv shows, games, sites
I’ve been seeing soooo many younger kids having behaviour issues recently…
I truly believe it stems from all the changes (Covid lockdowns, sports being cancelled, wearing masks then not wearing masks) all this chaos surrounding our kids…Not to mention all the “tech time” kids have now and the things they watch/hear/see on tv…
Take some time and sit down and talk, ask your child what is going on, what makes her angry, sad, frustrated and what makes her happy…Go from there.
A lot of young girls are going through early menstruation and with that comes hormones and new feelings. ￼
I would talk to her doctor about it. As someone else said it could be ADHD. Or a number of other things.
My daughter is 10 and attitude started at 8 as well. I had school counselors tell me maybe she needed to see a counselor outside of school. I was also told maybe she had ADHD or ODD but that was not the case. obviously it wasn’t only at school but home as well. I’ve learned from my daughter that most of the time her attitude at home comes from frustration with school and the subjects she lacks in or just a bad day overall. My daughter is also a very emotional girl and takes everything to heart. Now that was at 8 lol she’s 10 and thinks she’s 20 but I do correct her. I also let her know that it’s okay to have a bad day and it’s definitely okay to voice it instead of having an attitude or just being mean to others because she doesn’t feel good. Also I try to take myself back to her age and I get it they’re young and even at 8 they’re going through changes physically and emotionally. I mean as adults we all can have some attitude here and there right lol or is just me
I would say just talk with her, keep correcting her, also taking away TIK TOK on my end was very helpful just FYI.
I know with multiple children it’s hard to get time in with each and everyone of them but it’s also important. I’m a mama of 4 and I try my best to do this although things don’t always go as planned but even hanging out in my room while I put clothes away also is great.
When you figure it out, please let me know! I have an 8 year old also, who thinks she’s grown. Smart mouth, back talking, lying, stealing… just plain hateful. If she was an adult, I’d have done thrown hands with her MULTIPLE times! I don’t remember having these issues with my oldest two daughters when they were her age. It’s frustrating!
When my daughter did that I stripped everything she owned from her… (fun stuff) and we didn’t go anywhere, even the grocery store. I called it boot camp. Worked wonders… however… sit with her and ask her what’s changed for her. Just because we don’t see change doesn’t mean they don’t.
Does she get any one on one time with you or her father? Sometimes bad behavior is a cry for attention. I would still have consequences for bad behavior but I would also try to give lots more positive attention as often as possible.
It is said your hormone producers kick in around 7-8 to get ready for cycle in the few few years
I have 3 almost 4 girls
It’s a girl thing.
If shes being violent to her sister you should probably look into some help… an attitude is one thing as some kids hit puberty early and their bodies are changing so much (yes it can happen that young, i know someone who started in 3rd grade back in the 90’s)… violence is another thing, a red flag that could be a big deal… mental health is important so there could be something going on there as children get stressed like we do but they often don’t know how to react or process the stress properly(some adults dont even know how… i as an adult struggle with my emotions sometimes because im still learning how to process and release them… taking everything she has is not a good idea and doesn’t teach her how to deal with whatevers happening inside her, it just teaches her to be destructive on a different level… you are not a warden and her safe haven shouldn’t become her prison…
Bring her to an experienced children’s therapist. It’s helps for kids to talk out their feelings just like it does with adults. The therapist can also help with family dynamic and give parenting advice. You do not have to medicate her. It just sounds like y’all need help with communicating better. Sending your family love.
Have her seen by a behavioral specialist. Work out a plan of action. There may be something going on in her life at school like bullying or what not and she’s expressing it the only way she knows how.
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Have her hormones checked she may be starting puberty. Many girls are starting at super young ages because of the hormones added to meat. Also get her into counseling.
Old fashioned a $$ whoppin! These kids are controlling y’all!
The child is 8, that is all lol I had 4 kids 7,8,9 and 10 are just joy joy fun time lol
I would try counseling, but also see what she’s doing on social media. There are some things on TikTok and YouTube that aren’t very good for kids’ attitudes. It might help to start grounding her from electronics when she starts to act up. Pulling time with anything she enjoys for discipline until you get to the bottom of the behavior, to get it to stop, could be helpful. Counseling is definitely a good idea.
A Female? Wait til she 23 thats when slowly gets better.
Sounds like she’s in need of a good whipping if she’s hurting the lol one.