I would say honestly ask yourself if you abused them in any way. Intentional or not. My parents were abusive and I don’t see them for that exact reason, so if its the case genuinely apologize and they will hopefully come to you in time. My parents never apologized or acknowledged the abuse. Which is all I want them to do, even if they did, they are so toxic that I still won’t have anything to do with them for the rest of my life. But thats my experience. It also might not be that it could be a decision or a choice that you made that they are still holding on to. But they have to be ready to talk. Just let them know you are there to listen once they are ready.
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Find a hobby it’s plenty of kids out here who would love you
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You could be a foster mom it would mean the world to a kid who probably would appreciate being loved on
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I would completely stop begging for attention. Get you a good therapist and work on yourself. Sometimes children can grow to be selfish even though the parent has done everything and given everything to them. But the fact that all three of them do this seems it might be you and your relationship you had with them. You need to sit down with each child one on one and ask them to tell you why they don’t want to hang out with you. What was the reason for the divorce? Maybe they saw dad trying and mom being the cold one.sometimes we as parents try to save our children’s heartache by keeping everything in. Your silence can corroborate your ex’s story that he tells them. Start with yourself and no more begging. I’d send them holiday cards and birthday cards only. Wait and see if they come around looking for you. If they don’t, continue to work on yourself.
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I need more - why did you divorce? Is the x their father? If so, is he talking I’ll about you that turned your kids away? Have you always reached out and been there for your kids? Is there anything that they could have held against you?
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Stop begging and seeming desperate for their attention. Let them come to you. Find another outlet for yourself.
Sounds like the ex put a bunch of bs in their heads or they saw some things during the divorce they didn’t like. Only thing you can do is talk to them and find out the reason and go from there to fix it
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Why don’t they want to be around you? There has to be a reason, if it was me I would just ask what the reason is
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I have questions. Do you talk bad about their dad?. Do you make everything a competition? Do you complain about them not spending time with you when they are spending time with you? There is something we’re missing.
I would be more honest with yourself. 3 grown children don’t turn their backs on their mom for no good reason.
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I’m sorry but I would buy them eff all , you shouldn’t have to fight for your kids attention young or older , they know exactly what they are doing and I would give them a taste of there own medicine and ignore them , they will need you before u need them , go out and have fun with friends get a hobby or do something u enjoy instead of wasting away your years worrying about something u can’t control
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your kids are spoiled shits and they are only focusing on him for his money. you don’t have the big bucks, therefore they don’t care. I wouldn’t waste a minute of time or money on them, let them miss you when you’re gone. Focus your energies and making YOU happy.
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Iv been going through the same thing for 8 years I thought I would die of a broken heart and still feel that way sometimes it’s not easy to move on.
My grown kids also tell anybody who will listen that I was a horrible mother and continue to guilt me and tell me how horrible I was/am how I ruined their lives. Just today, my daughter who I gave a car to so she could drive to work and so my grandkids could get places then I learn she wants to sell it for the money is now trying to say she won’t sell it .she is saying this because we both realized I have the key. I asked for proof she got insurance so now I am a “asshole, cunt, horrible person that nobody likes, will never see the grandkids unless I give her the car key…”
Personally, I am done. I was an overwhelmed single mother and that was my worst crime, that sometimes I didn’t have as much patience as I wish I did.
I’m not subjecting myself to it any longer and won’t be abused and blackmailed anymore because today it’s the car keys and next week it will be something else because it always is.
If your adult children are not ready or willing to meet you halfway and have a relationship with you then focus on yourself. You expressed you want input because you are willing to work on you and admit your shortcomings and that is great, but don’t let anyone else who doesn’t know or understand your story pass judgement on you.
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Sounds like dad is a narcissist and succeeded in turning the kids against you if you were a good mom to them as children.
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Idk just think they’re closer to him OR he’s trash talking you and they’re going along w it
Something doesn’t sound right to me but I know that laws are different in different states. Why would your ex-husband have gotten all three homes? In the state of Kentucky things are split 50/50. Did you divorce because of another or possible relationship?
A bit hard to give advice when none of us know the whole story.
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Life is short mama find a new hobby or something interesting to you and concentrate on it.
Don’t beg for their attention. And just live your life. When they miss you then they will come around. Trust me I have been in your situation. The more you beg them more they will push you away.
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I think we do the best we can as parents. If you feel they are angry at you for something give an apology. If they accept it great if they don’t ok. Either way you need to move forward for yourself. 
. You said they are grown and independent let them make their own choices about coming to visit you. Not coming to visit you to get the stuff you buy for them. You can text them frequently to say hi and keep in touch. Maybe that will open doors. Best of all things to you my friend. 
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Study codependence. Also your kids are grown and on their own, they have their lives going on and it seems reasonable that they don’t talk to you every day since they are adults…if I was you id let them know you are there if they need you and let them come to you. Find a way to busy your time take care of yourself find a hobby or take a class. Your happiness should not be dependent on anyone else.
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I think you and a lot of comments are putting the focus in the wrong place. Don’t try and figure out what went wrong in the past. Just focus on the present.
Try to think of actual “activities” you can do with them rather than just sitting down for dinner or whatever. Take them to a movie they wanna see. Go to a local water park, mini golfing, stuff like that. It sounds like you guys are disconnected and you need something to help you bond. Don’t focus on “what did I do” focus on “what CAN I do”. It may simply be that you guys don’t have a lot in common or have grown apart and you just need to find something to close the gap between yourselves. Show interest in them, find out what they like right now, and enjoy those things with them. And also — find your own hobbies! They might feel a bit smothered by you and that’s normal. Try and keep yourself busy in between time with your kids, and find your own happiness.
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Best thing u can do is pray for your children! Pray for their health, long life, a roof over their heads and most of all for their love towards you! You will never know God could answer all the above!
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Bring it to there attention!
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Don’t worry just pray and you will see things could turn around!
Stop buy grown children things they clearly are using you.
You have to make a change stop doing as much for them
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Your kids are living there own thoughts. You won’t change there mind. Find someone to love and enjoy your life
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Sit back and think 
why tf are they like this? And its not because your ex said afew bad things about you theres more to the story…
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Do they hold any anger inside from something in the past? I mean we didn’t get the full back story but from what you said it sounds odd to me that they wouldn’t share their time between their two parents… I mean this is just my thoughts… I do hope it all works out for you though.
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I would write them a letter about how you really feel and how you hope to have a better relationship with them.
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Did you cheat? Or has he said you did? Possible things I can think of that might make them not want to be around you would be, 1) Your bitter and not fun to be around. 2) You try to get info out of them about your ex. 3) You bad mouth said ex to them. 4) You are choosing not to be civil/Co parent with their dad. 5) You didn’t make an effort when you split to keep up frequent visits with all kids. In my opinion, I’d just straight out ask what’s on their minds and how they feel about your relationship, and tell them you miss them and how close you used to be.
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Just stop trying. They’re grown ups, they made their choice. It’s going to hurt but you shouldn’t even be buying them things in order for them to see you. seek therapy so you can be well.
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I have so many questions on this one. It is nearly impossible to gain any kind of understanding of the situation based on the information given. Was the divorce amicable or did one party push for it while the other was against it? Was infidelity involved? The OP states there was no drug or alcohol abuse but does not provide an explanation regarding the reason for the separation and divorce. If after 10 years the children are still bitter towards you about the divorce or something related to the cause of the divorce, there honestly may not be anything you can “do” to change their opinions. All you can do is focus on you and your life and stop pushing them for a relationship they clearly aren’t ready for. Remind them you are there and you love them with cards or emails or quick texts, but otherwise let them live their lives and you do the same. Just remember, there has to be balance for any relationship to work. If you are the only one making an effort and are always willing to go out of your way to assist them even when they only come to you when they need something, the relationship is going to stay off balance and you will continue to be nothing but a convenience. Set boundaries. You can never expect to rebuild a functional relationship with them if they know they know you’ll always come to their rescue without them having to provide anything to you in return.
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Stop begging them. 
Live your own life.
You can’t force them to be with you. As painful as that is to hear it’s true. I’m truly sorry your going threw it. When my husband and I got a divorce I felt that way. But as time went on things changed.
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Stop buying them stuff. You get on with your life. Personally I wouldnt bother them or give them anything. Wait for them to make a move. Seriously
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As kids what was ur relationship like ? Before the divorce ? Before it all went to crap and they stopped caring . Things like this don’t just happen for no reason. Things won’t change untill there is change.
And honestly something had to of happened for your children to walk away.
Accept it and work on you first blind freddy can see there is more to the story
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Sometimes children just need space to breath to re-evaluate and most times adult kids tend to lean towards their fathers (in other words tend to take their mothers love for them for granted) keeping in mind how your husband perceives of you ofcourse divorces are ugly and parents thrive on the fact the children pick them over the other. Like everyone said, stop trying and let them figure it out on their own, start a hobby, write a journal, go for walks take up some classes, get yourself the things you never did in the past the sacrifices you made while raising them, in doing so you will look after you and give them the space that they need to evaluate their situation with you and hopefully come around sooner. In any case you stressing yourself is not in any way productive neither to you nor towards your relationship with your kids. Hope this helps. Also make new friends more friends, join a book club, get yourself busy, you are their only mother and no one can ever take your place.
Clearly you are leaving some details out of your story. There’s are big obvious holes. No one can help you till you are honest with yourself.
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Stop trying to compete with your ex. If you whine at your kids about him that’s one reason they avoid you. Stop making it a competition.
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There’s got to be more to the story. None of your grown children want to spend time with you no matter how much you ask? Why? I hope it all gets worked out.
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Talk to them as a group and ask why? It will be hard but with all 3 together they may open up…it may not be solvable but talking it out will let you know…
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Did u divorce when they were younger and if so did they live with the father ?
Don’t beg them one of these they will realize that they need you
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Stop trying and stop giving them money. If they won’t have a relationship with you they don’t deserve your money. As a mom it would hurt not having my kids but also if they are grown and making this choice then let them and step back. They can’t miss you if your always there.
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I would think stop begging and trying so hard perhaps theh feel they don’t really have to try with you because you’re always there and willing and ready to try with them so like you’re ‘always there’. Give them some space and they might come to you. I don’t mean this at all in an ugly way but it could be coming across as needy for them and they don’t really know what to make of it. I find when u show someone u don’t really ‘need’ them that is when they start wanting u. Please don’t feel bad that’s not my intention at all. Just trying to give an honest as possible opinion with the hope of helping you somehow. I’m sure it must be heartbreaking as your kids are your world. I pray things change for u soon
Let them go they’re grown and live your own life it’s they’re loss if you was a good mom and do all you can start living for you and hope for a change one day
Ask them, the road to healing begins with knowing the problem.
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Apoligize for what ever you did, we all make mistakes, ive seen in our extended family a mum unwilling to accept what she did wrong, it cant be taken back , but actually admitting it and showing remorse will help heal the wounds , do what ever it takes, you can do this, kids dont come with directions, we all struggled at some time, you can do this xxxx
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The more you push, the more they will stay away. Quit buying them things to buy their attention. Your desperation is simply exacerbating the problem. Go about your life and let them grow up and fend for themselves. If dad’s so awesome, let him waste his money on whatever it is they are begging for. Don’t pry about their dad and what he’s doing. If you REALLY want an answer, you need to prepare yourself for the answer (especially one you may not like). Talk to them and ask them to be honest, no matter if it hurts your feelings. If they love you, they will tell you. And remember, a relationship with your kids can’t be all about you. Show interest in them and what THEY are doing. Don’t go giving them unsolicited advice. And give them space to learn how to be an adult and make mistakes. When you do see them, what is it like? Are you just talking about yourself and everything is on your terms? If so, that’s not a relationship. Make memories with them, without rehashing the past. Did you initiate the divorce? Are you bitter about the divorce? It sounds like you still are. Keep your relationships with them separate from your issues steering from the divorce and your ex. They don’t need any more drama.
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It depends on why you divorced. How many relationships have you had since the divorce? Kids pay attention to things like that and they take it personally. Maybe they feel you chose another man or another relationship over them.
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Time for some tough love! Let them reach out to u! Let them do the planning. Let them take u out to dinner. Close the purse, they r on there own let them buy there own things! In the long run it will hurt less that what u r doing, begging and trying to buy there love and attention, which does not seem to be working!
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Have you told them how you feel
Maybe start off small with dinner once a week
I have 3 daughters 1 only contacts me when she needs something… I find if I go silent towards her she pops around for 10 minutes never sits I think I spoilt her little so she takes me for granted.
When my daughter went cold My mum always said kids need us more than we need them and told me to stay strong … she was right every time I go silent my daughter appears
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Could it be your ex husband or his current wife telling your kids bad stuff about you? There is always two sides to each story. Prayers for you…
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Time to walk away from them and just let them come to you. A mother shouldn’t have to beg for her child’s attention
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Find out who u are … they are grown … I’d call once a week and invite them over when ever they like but I would deffo get on with my life … kids take over a bit but when they are grown its u time … on the other hand just try to bath or poop … one will call u or magical appear
Have you asked them point blank - what is the problem??
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Get a hobby…do things you enjoy…live your own life! They will miss you when you’re not all up in their business any more, and then they will come around. I let my kids live their lives, and I live mine. They come to visit at least once a month or so, and on my birthday and holidays.
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What you need to do is earnestly ask your children why they display these behaviors toward you. If it were one kid or another I could believe it was them. But all 3? It’s you. We dont know what you’ve done. But they do. And even if you’re ex did mouth you to them they would have seen through that as they got older. So it’s probably not him either. It’s you. Talk to your children. It really is that simple.
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I feel like you’re leaving out some important details.
Maybe you find it difficult to take ownership of your poor choices & that can be difficult for your kids.
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How was your relationship with your children while they were growing up? Prior to divorce? After divorce?
As they are now adults, the are free to make their own decisions. They are free to choose to have YOU in their life or not. There might be something while they were growing up that affected their relationship with you. Perhaps they will open it to you if asked, or maybe not. It’s up to them.
As a parent, you can always let them know that you love them unconditionally and they will always have a home with you and that they will always be welcome. Invite them over for meals every once in a while (Hey am having friends over for dinner, wanna join?), greet them or send gifts on occasions (“happy birthday! Hope you have a good day planned” and send them flowers or cake), message them to ask how they are and/or send them updates about how you are doing (hi! saw you went to __, hope you had a great time! Or Just had routine check-up, everything is ok) etc.
But don’t demand, don’t expect. Instead, take the time for yourself for the things you enjoy – with you, or with other friends and family. Hopefully, it won’t be too late for them to realize that they want you in their lives.
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Sounds like they blame you for the divorce. I would just point blank ask them. That’s the only way you will get the answers you’re seeking.
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How was your relationship with them growing up? Did anything happen between you and them? I feel like there’s info missing. But understanding what happened and why they behave that way towards you might be a good step into finding out how to fix your relationship with them moving forward
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It is called tough love. Stop enabling them. They will come around. I had to do this and honestly it damn near killed me but it did work. Go on with your life and act like it doesn’t bother you and don’t always be there at their beckon call. Tell them you r busy if when u arent.
Not to be rude, or repetitive in case someone else already said it. But it sounds like you didn’t demand any respect when leaving the marriage and they took queues from their father and don’t show you any respect either. They just take you for granted. Do stuff for yourself. A mother’s love will always be there. But show them that you respect yourself and can put yourself first. They will be curious and come around. Then they will realize they are missing out on knowing you as a Person. Your more than just a mom, and they should respect that
Start with going and talking to a good counselor…
Start over. Create new life filled with Love. You always did your best to be a symbiotic being, and be considerate. You DESERVE to be HAPPY and LOVED SINCERELY. Focus on loving yourself FIRST and the universe will deliver. Then everything will fall into place thereafter, but NOT before. Be happy. Believe in good love. You deserve it. Repeat this daily and try not to be surprised when it becomes the norm. 
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I stumbled across this article a while ago.
It’s specific to neurodiverse couples that divorce after the kids are grown. However, the section about mommy’s birthday not mattering, I feel, could be applied to any relationship where one spouse consistently undervalues the other and the children pick up on it. Mom just isn’t as important.
The more you push, the more they pull away. You may not be able to have that close bond with them. The best you may be able to do if let them know you love them and will be there for them. But focus on the journey of yourself.
I can’t offer any advice, but can offer you a prayer. I’m so sorry your going through this valley and I pray one day you mend your relationship with your children but in the meantime I pray God gives you big hugs and makes his love present to you
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It sounds like there’s something you did that your not saying and If so thats the reason they dont. If you did something that hurt them thats why they dont want nothing to do with you. Money is the worst way to get people’s attention I’d say stop that and talk to them to try to start over and if they dont want to then just back off. Dont beg. Hopefully it all works out.
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Are you are narcissist?
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I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am on the other side and I have one parent left (my mom passed away) who wants nothing to do with me at all and hasn’t since I was a young teen. Id do anything to have a parent who loved me again. I hope things get better for you with your kids.
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WOW…I’m soooooo appold to these comments I’m seeing.people are so quick to judge it’s just dispicable. Maybe something did happen maybe it didn’t but she’s reaching out for advice/guidance and people are just assuming she’s the bad guy.maybe shel just dont want to put the whole entire story out there to be protecting the ex…did anyone think about that obviously NOT…so before y’all people respond THINK…
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There is the problem ask them over quit begging do not mention x and quit nagging they are sick hearing it start living and they will come around
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Why are you wanting to be such a big part of their lives? I understand loving them but jot smothering them. Maybe you need to stop being always available and let them learn to grow. Yes its going to hurt like no other but I think they need a good dose of life without you. Don’t be there to cater to them, tough love.
I can tell you like to play the victim which is a trait of narcissistic personality disorder.
Here’s a whole list of why my kids SHOULD want to spend time with me, but they don’t, and none of those have anything to do with your relationship with them.
You live in resentment and they know it.
Try sitting and talking with them. Ask them why they don’t want to do those things with you, and listen to comprehend instead of respond. Stop repeating the same behavior they may describe. Don’t deny them their feelings or deny an event that you may not remember happening the way you think it happened.
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I think you should come right out to your kids and ask them why they don’t like spending time with you and what you and they can do to make it better. good luck
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You can’t get accurate advice here because there is more to the story. I’m not saying you right or wrong in this. But without some background on the divorce, this post was a waste of your time. You’re seeking opinions of others, but leaving out the most important details and avoiding the divorce question does look suspicious. Either way, I hope is all works out. Family is everything. At least that’s how I was raised.
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Divorce is worse when kids are older…mine ignored me for 5 years killed me inside christmas and birthdays was worse then last christmas out the blue I received a phone call over the bloody moon it was my son we chatted for hours now I see him his lovely wife and 2 grandchildren you just have to be strong back well off its hard trust me they will come round in time
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Stop trying so hard. Stay in touch but back off as much as you can. You don’t know what the other parent has told them about your split. Without knowing details it almost sounds as if you were made out to be the very bad guy. I hope they come around.
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I know it’s hard but you have to have a life too. There’s nothing you can do to build a relationship except give them space. Just be there for them when they really need you and one day they will appreciate that.
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U will always be their mother. If its not their dad then they must see him as a good friend. Although u can be friends with ur children, u are a parent 1st. Ask how they are once in a while, maybe invite them round here and there but NO begging. It could even be just as simple to talk to them about how u are feeling. Life is what u can make from it
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Quit begging. Live your life and stay in contact. They will either come back to you or they won’t. There is nothing you can do to change the situation, its up to them at this point
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Let those sorry ass kids go. Do for yourself and enjoy the rest of your life
Hard for anyone to tell you the problem since we don’t know you or what kind of parent you were. You could have be sober, but inattentive. You could’ve been a hard worker, but cruel at home. You could’ve been a perfect parent, but dad had more money to spend to win their affections.
Just send them cards every Birthday and important holiday, but stop begging. You don’t need to stoop to that level especially when you’re not gaining anything from it.
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Let it go and hopefully they will figure it out! Stand still and just let it go. Read a book, go on a walk and just let it all go. Yes it hurts but just because they are your children it doesn’t mean they are right. Just breathe and realize you have done your best.
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Divorce is hard no matter how many years ago it happened. But in all honesty I wouldn’t beg them for the attention they’re Grown they’ll make up their minds soon enough.
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Don’t beg them, I would occasionally invite them to dinner, call once a week just to see how they are, I wouldn’t harp on them to come over, I’m sure they know they can stop in anytime. I always said you hurt the ones you love, because we know they are always going to be there… lighten up, and start doing things for you,
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Stop begging and trying so hard.
Call them once a week or once a fortnight and ask how they’re doing. Keep the conversation nice and once in a while invite them for dinner
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It’s typical they’ll go where the most money is spent. It’s a sad world we live in but it’s us that make it what it is. You thought “taking him” for things would turn your kids against you but in all honesty it only helped him keep them cuffed… That’s why you only hear from them when you are spending money. If you invited them out for outings and it’s coming out of your pocket I’m sure they’d find the time just as they do with him. It may not seem like it but unless you are some mean ass cruel person who has a very negative energy then that’s the problem. He’s got more money… so… bc he spends more on them they are more likely going to be at his side more… this isn’t necessary always true either, sometimes it can be a whole lot deeper but from going off what you are saying. It’s the money.
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Everyone has their side of the story so I’d need to hear the others B4 I can have an opinion.
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Stop trying so hard and watch them come around
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Try actually talking to them.
Well, I always labled my Ex !! As Oh Mister Man of the month !! The one to came every two weekends take them to Zoo,camping fishing, I’m sure out to eat!! Man of entertainment! Fun! fun !fun !. While I stayed home budgeted when there was no childsupport! Tended to their needs not wants! And so on!! ( a long time of bitching about it while More life went on! That was at 3 and 6 now 38 and 40! Ex died last year.going through this shitt again ! O LOOK THERES A RED CARDNIAL!! ITS DAD!!..I SMELLED HIS COLONGE !! IT WAS HIM!!..HEY I EVEN HEARD WAS MOUTHED AT HOW HE WAS SO NICE AND HE HAD TO GO AND Gramma is being mean and Bitter!!..How come it went that way ?? I’m Bitter cause my issues were never addressed! I just seem to have to deal with it !! Year after year and Smile! …no Rhyme or reason!! Hope you get the help to understand before to many years go by!! Raise your hand and Say something!! There kids! And this is real, you feel like Shit! Diane.
First are they boys or girls? Because if your children are boys that explains a lot
2nd it has to involve money probably your ex give some of the rent income, since you mentioned they get in touch with only when you buying them things
This sort of thing is a lot more common than you’d think. I think it could be a generational thing. There is a tremendous lack of gratitude for all things in the current generation. Most have no or little respect, no religious conviction, no moral fibre, a set of values based on wealth and possessions. A central tenet of every major religion in the world is love and respect for your parents. Both parents. In an act of love they gave you life. Unless your life is so unbearably abominable that you don’t want to live, you should be thankful and grateful for this gift. However, sometimes you just have to accept relationships go bad on you. With children there are no guarantees. In my experience it is best to forget about the bad ones and let them get on with it. Trust in the Lord of Karma to deal with them. It’s only a question of time and they will be the losers. The Lord of Karma has an open hotline to St.Pete. He’ll probably send them to meet Lucifer when the time comes.
Did you file for divorce, maybe children are upset if you filed . Sounds they had a good relationship with him before the divorce
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Talk to your children
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Are your children that want to spend time with him boys ?? X