There’s seems to be a lot of self righteous people here condemning this man I don’t condone drunk driving but I don’t look down on someone with a problem
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Sorry but it’s best for u to leave now before he goes to prison for killing someone or u while hes drunk. Nobody but himself can help him and he won’t stop until he hits rock bottom
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I couldn’t 
drunk driving is a choice 100%. He could’ve killed himself or someone else.
Hasn’t anyone heard of the mother who was hit by a drunk driver and lost 3 of her kids? I don’t condone it.
His problem could very well be a death sentence.
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As someone who has been in his shoes trust me when I say the shame and guilt he is feeling is literally tearing him apart right now. It will follow him for years too. You can be angry but acknowledge he is kicking his own butt right now
Yes you can… hopefully this will be the wake up call he needs.
He should be thankful that you haven’t left already or that he didn’t kill someone! Marriage can be hard but this was avoidable and that’s what sucks. Also selfish to put others at risk. Or even kill himself which affects the whole family. Does he think of that? How would he feel if his kids lost him? If it were me, I’d stick by and support him as I’d expect the same from my husband. But learn from the mistake… Hugs for you lady!!! Not sure how old he is either but I’d let him know that while you’re supporting him even though he’s caused an avoidable shit storm, that if he drinks and drives even once more now, byyyeeee
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Sorry, but if you’re having to tell an adult for YEARS not to drink and drive, you’re married to a drunk. If you don’t have kids, run! If you do have kids, run. Your post indicates that this is not even the biggest issue in the relationship. This man is not just an addict, he’s selfish. This gets worse, not better. Skip al-anon, just move on with your life and be glad you don’t have kids with him or if you do, that they weren’t in the car THIS TIME.
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He needs your help and support. Shaming him will only make him continue drinking. That being said, HTA.
Knowing I’m a victim of a drunk driver who nearly took my life that’s left me with only one kidney and a fractured back for the rest of my life I’d leave with zero remorse given but I was one of those innocent people going to work at the age of 20 who nearly had my entire life ripped from me because of someone’s selfishness.
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You divorce to help protect your family legally and financially as much as possible. He can get himself deep into sobriety and therapy and maybe if he ever takes real responsibility and stays sober you can decided if you trust him enough to have anything to do with him. You can love him from afar and realize that you can NOT help him want to stop. He has to want that for himself or it won’t work. You can forgive him and still move on from him. Please get the kids and yourself into therapy too as you guys work through the alcoholism that you’ve lived with. I really do hope this is his bottom and that he gets sober!
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He’s a grown man let him make his own mistakes an learn from them. Also did you ever think that maybe he’s asking for support bc he needs help. Sounds like a regular thing that he does. Maybe he doesn’t know how to stop and needs help to do so. He may need rehab for alcoholism.
My husband totaled our truck after me begging him to stay home and not leave the house “he left drunk then went to the bar and was gone for 5 hours before I got in a wreck and arrested. I was livid and so angry for a few months but at the end of the day I was lucky he didn’t kill himself or hurt anyone else and he was beating himself up enough as it was I knew he needed my support for then ever. Major major fees and all the things. Just try and be there for him I’m sure he is beating himself up another hammer won’t help him at this point.
I went to school with a girl who’s mother and father-in-law were just hit head on by a drunk driver and they also had their three kids with them. The father-in-law died and the mother-in-law is still in the hospital and the three kids just got out of the hospital after having horrible injuries.
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As a wife who has been in your shoes…I 
get where you are coming from. My husband got a DUI in Oct 2019. He blew a 0.19. To say I was pissed would be an understatement! We hired an attorney who deals with DUI cases. It was about 5k but worth it. Dropped 2 felonies to 2 misdemeanors. Our insurance actually dropped once we added the special certificate for this. We had to pay about 6k in fees. He had to attend DUI classes and pay ti have his license reinstated. I can tell you it is strenuous on your relationship, but it is marriage and we all know it’s not always sunshine and daisies. Talk to him. Make sure he knows where you stand and that this will not continue to be tolerated. Good luck and prayers that you find the words and strength you need to get your family through this.
Sounds like he needs to get a weekend job to cover expenses.
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Hold up, YOU KNEW he was driving drunk and never turned him in?
I saw the leftovers an 18yr old girl who had just been crushed by a drunk driver; 2 weeks after she graduated. I don’t find drunk driving acceptable, by anyone.
The fact you KNEW & did nothing makes you guilty. Smh
I’d leave. No therapy. No more chances. No help paying for squat. I’d file immediately and be done.
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Why be mad now? You didn’t stand your ground before if you have told him weekend after weekend. If you let it continue without consequences then why start now? Accept the consequence with him because it’s just as much on you. From this point you can start with an ultimatum and start moving towards leaving him if he doesn’t get help or stop drinking. But you have to follow though it it will get worse for both of you.
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He has an illness. He needs your support to get help. Hopefully he sees this now. If he doesn’t take this last opportunity than he can walk out the door.
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I would tell me he will need to get a second job to cover the costs.
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Help, Support, Love, Forgiveness WILL NOT change a Reckless, Irresponsible Man Child! I Know Because I lived It! Get TF away from him Now… Chances are Strong he’ll only get Worse & you’ll struggle the rest of your life if you stay. You’re better off on your own!
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You can support him from a distance.
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For better or for worse ? Looks like for worse right now. Be there for him and go to therapy together and AA. He needs your support right now. He needs help.
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I have been in your situation as well, but my ex husband got caught driving with our youngest son. Needless to say that wasn’t his first DUI but it was the last one I stayed around for. If he has a serious drinking problem he needs professional help not just your support.
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One of our family friends had a daughter that was killed by a drunk driving accident. She wasn’t much younger than me. I found out and asked him, “Do you want to be responsible for taking someone’s child away from him? I don’t think I could forgive you if you did”. He hasn’t done it again since. I told him he can always wait til he’s home safe. Not where he’s putting his life and potentially so many other people’s lives in danger.
Alcoholism is a wicked sickness.
He’ll probably be required to attend meetings & counseling, on top of other requirements. I’m not condoning being an “enabler”, but I am encouraging you to be supportive of his positive efforts to get clean and stay sober. He’s going to need your help to get through it.
I don’t blame you for being angry, but at the same time, I wouldn’t have put up with it for as long as you did. He’s going to have to make some hard choices and face some pretty drastic consequences for his actions, and because you are his wife, you’ll be paying those consequences right along with him. If you love him, and want to help him to become a better man, then you will eventually forgive him. If you don’t, it will eat you up inside … and you both need to move beyond this to build a better future for yourselves and for your marriage.
Good luck
He doesn’t need your help, he needs you to keep enabling him (he doesn’t really need that I just meant from his point of view). Stop enabling him, separate until he gets REAL help, only come back to give him real support if he’s showing true honest progress.
Take it from an addict, if he isn’t willing to do this he’s gonna need to hit rock bottom and lose it all in order to get any real help.
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Unless he wants help there is no amount of pleading you can do.
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Well not for nothing now you get to drive his car and drive him to and from where he needs to go maybe this will be a wake up call but is this his first one? If so just be his support that’s what marriage is all about if he does it again then I can see the ? And I still get the question but no one is perfect we all make mistakes at least no one was hurt this time I just saw a tik tok where this woman lost her 17 year old daughter to a drunk driver and the driver has no remorse thinks he didn’t do it it was the girls fault sadly and he’s making plans for the future as if he wasn’t facing years in prison it’s reality and thankfully he didn’t hurt himself or anyone else I’m sorry your going through this but the best thing you can do is make the best of it and try and forgive him. Xoxo good luck
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Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they actually care about their loved ones trying to help them. I wouldn’t stay for that.
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For better or worse…
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I wouldn’t support him at all. I’ve lost family members and a friend to a drunk/intoxicated driver I don’t support anyone who’s even smoked weed and drove. If my partner even attempted to drive intoxicated I’d end the relationship immediately. There’s no excuses
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I wouldn’t give much support right now - sadly he will not learn unless he hits rock bottom with this. This isn’t a light issue, you’ve already said it yourself that lives are on the line when he chooses to drive like that. Not only that but the stress it adds onto you? It’s not fair for you to sit around weekend after weekend worried about this exact thing. With stuff like this it isn’t a matter of IF, but WHEN it happens
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Sorry. Have no answer for you. Divorced my abusive alcoholic husband years and years ago. STILL love AlAnon.
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He can get another job to pay it all
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Well, I agree with you. Driving drunk is selfish and coming from a family of truck drivers what he did was reckless and selfish. I would struggle to forgive someone who made that decision. Sorry I cant be of more help.
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I have been where you are mama. You have to make the best choice for yourself. My husbands dui was VERY expensive close to 20k. It’s a system set up to fail for everything, but ultimately that is what stopped him from drinking and driving. Seriously, it’s a tough rough and I know how you are feeling. I will be sending prayers and hopeful/positive vibes your way
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Better or worse 
so sorry you guys will be ok
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This might not be what you are looking for he was seriously irresponsible and he knew the consequences of his actions he is an adult it could have been worse than it ended up being you need to do what’s best for you and what you feel is right he did what he did now he needs to deal with the repercussions from it why should you have to pay for his choices when you would have obviously chose differently you can be supportive but with boundaries you have a right to be upset with him
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ALANON for you & AA for him. If he doesn’t get sober n work the program … tough love n move on w/o him. Al Anon will help you immensely . You can be incredibly angry & still want to stay together. First you need to get healthy n take care of you. Life with an alcoholic is chaos. Take your power back with Al Anon. Praying 
for you both.
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No excuse for drinking and driving hope they pin him to the wall
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Young one, take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. He will have classes, AA meetings, maybe community service and yes a biggo fine. You could get a lawyer but seriously what for - he’s guilty right. He’ll lose his license for a bit - might be able to get breathalyzers to get restricted license if he needs (talk with judge) . Usually after going through all this bs - people tend to stop-(personally- I got 2) second one is 3times the cost - 9 months of classes - loss license for a year and spent 10 days in - ( nowadays it’s like 90 days) 3 years informal probation-
It doesn’t come off driving record for 10 years.
This time it cost a little time and money - next time it could be a life of another or his. Don’t be angry, sweetie- it’ll only give you a tummy ache. But I do agree with putting your foot down ( or up the booty) with him. Is his alcohol more important than his family? It either one or the other.
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Divorced my ex-drinker. He sobered up after intense counseling and drying out. But after 19 yrs, I was done! Took our 2 kids and left. Found someone else and we have a great marriage of almost 25 yrs. My ex-drinker quit drinking after our divorce. Never touched a drop of alcohol again. He lives in regret. I live in happiness with my new life. Glad I got out.
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This happened to my husband. I just had to let him hit rock bottom, pay his dues and I didn’t give in anymore. Tough love. I hope that he finds his way and is able to learn from this. 
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Depending on what state you live in, he can get driving privileges for work. So he can write a judge to ask permission to be able to drive back and forth just to work. That way he can keep an income coming in.
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My mom got killed by her boyfriend. It was purposely but also he was drug and high when he purposely wrecked my mom… nope! I’d be done 
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You could of left him when he continued drinking and driving without the DUI. You just sound bitter. I would probably drink too with you on my ass harping. Leave him or STFU. He knows what you want and chose to ignore you. Sorry for your loss.
Let him pay all the fees
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Do not support or forgive him. Doing so makes him think he can do it again. What if your child had been in the car. What if he had hurt or killed someone. Get him help. Tell him it’s treatment and sobriety or divorce.
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Honey my ex husband had 2 DUIS when I met him . He hadn’t had his lisecense in a decade so I paid all the stacked up tickets and fines and did all the things and got him his license back. Paid about 3000 dollars . Found out he’s been driving himself home well beyond the legal limit from the bar just recently lol and so all that will be for nothing . Some people just can’t do the right thing honestly…
That was with all his friends begging him to drive him home and pay for an Uber he still said fuck them and snuck off .
Not to mention I was in the car with my mom’s best friend and her little brother when we were 3 and 4 and she got killed instantly hit head on by a drunk driver and I remember it and her brother saw Jesus come down and take her away. It hits kinda harder from that.
Not sure how to help with a marriage involved. But in 2009 I had a DUI here in Washington state. My girlfriend was very supportive. She even drive me around in my car that she had to blow into.( ignition interlock system) it was my one and only DUI. I actually learned from my mistake. Anyway it was a little different because I actually paid all my fines and fees before the girl and I got our own place. But good luck with everything.
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If this has been a repeated issue his need for support isn’t really valid right now. You’ve told him repeatedly not to do it, he knows it’s against the law, he knows he could have killed someone or himself. Ignorance can’t be used as an excuse here. He should have asked for help and support before it got to this point. He needs to make a big change and also think about your feelings during this time.
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Your first mistake was allowing it to go on for years
Now that he can’t drive and you don’t have your car use his
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You get to decide this. He chooses the behavior he must suffer the consequences. Sometimes forgiveness takes a long time. He forgets that you were supporting him before this by asking him not to do it. Thank God he did not hurt anyone things would be a lot worse all the way around.
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First figure out what causes him to drink so much . Work on a solution. Even if you leave him and he hasn’t dealt with this he could end up in the same situation or worse. If you have kids involved it’ll still have an effect on you. He shouldnt get off easy he has to make some changes and sacrifices including getting another job. Try not to stress yourself out this is his responsibility he needs to take accountability for. It’s also your marriage for better or for worse and sometimes adults make selfish mistakes. Give him space to learn and heal from it but keep being you and do what makes you happy
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It could be much much worse. Sometimes we need to make the mistake and have the consequences before we have a light bulb moment…
Forgiving him isn’t just for him. Its so you can move forward too.
Yes his decision making skills at that time were flawed. Yes you have every right to be angry, he’s your husband though and you both made a vow to stand by each other…
This is a good opportunity to really get to the bottom of what’s going on in his world and reconnect it could be a good time to recommend AA or some form of therapy. Its a good place for you to set new boundaries and what’s acceptable…
What ever you decide. Just remember you will and have made mistakes too. true maybe not this significant however a mistake is a mistake…
Good luck I’m praying that you both find a way to reconnect and move forward in the most blessed way
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I am so sorry. My family member was in the same boat. There are other fees and problems that you haven’t even thought of yet. You need a good counselor to work through this with you as well as Al-Anon
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Perhaps a trial separation is what you need. Give him enough room to realize he is going to lose you if he doesn’t start making big changes fast, and if he crosses the line, whatever that is for you, even one time, end it.
If he crosses the line during a trial separation he is saying he doesn’t care about you or your children as much as he cares about being drunk.
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What you allow, is what will continue.
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Lol for better or worse
My husband got an owi, basically the same thing, when he was on his motorcycle. Luckily it was in the middle of the night and our small town no one drives after 11pm, so he was the only one out. The only reason the cop knew he was drunk was because he dropped his bike at a red light. But you go off, scream, be angry… then you need to reel it in and support him through this because it’s gonna be a long ride. My husband got 6 months probation because it was first time ever being in trouble and he volunteered to get the blow box in our truck so it looked better in court since he said he wanted it. My husband couldn’t drink at all the entire time he was on probation. Pushing him to not drink is just going to make it worse, he’s the one who needs to decide for himself when he’s hit his “rock bottom”. My husband goes back and forth with his drinking still but for the most part he’s alot better. When it happened I didn’t even know he was gone, his brother talked him into leaving to get him beer and didn’t wake me up until he had been gone for 2½hrs. So I was freaking out and thought he was dead on the side of the road.
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He’s lucky he didn’t kill someone
That’s a solid deal breaker for me. Don’t be ashamed to end this relationship. You deserve better.
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He needs a 2nd job!!
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Just a question….whatever happened to for better or for worse??
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Personally, I couldn’t support or forgive my spouse. For me, that’s a deal breaker! Before I married my husband… he was an alcoholic. What you are living now was my biggest fear for three years.
A drunk can piss away your entire life, hard work, security, stability, home, finances, etc with ONE bad decision. I was working 70 hours a week in management so I couldn’t screw off and babysit him. Nope! NOPE!!
Sooo, one night my then boyfriend came home after the bar closed and I threatened to throw him OUT! I say threatened because he knew I was serious and poured every bit of alcohol in the house down the drain that night (morning) and swore to never drink again. That was March of 1996. We married in September of 1997. From that day to this… he hasn’t and won’t even take a sip of alcohol. He detoxed cold turkey. I got lucky and we gained a life!
My support would be getting PISSED otherwise it can be enabling! I don’t believe my marriage would last. You’re in a tough spot. He needs to OWN HIS MISTAKE! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! ZERRRRROOOO EXCUSES!
Ohhhh, annnnd none of this is your fault. Been there done that too! Once I DECIDED his actions were bullsh*t things got real and HE DECIDED to stop drinking!
My heart goes out to you!! 
I know my story is the exception. Many alcoholics would rather sell their souls than quit. Alcoholism is no joke!!
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It’s to AA right away. You can go with him, until he gets his feet wet. It’s sobriety or out. That’s supporting him.
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First, he has to hit rock bottom and admit he is an alcoholic. Second meetings at AA and I mean meetings, not once a week. Attend four or five a week. Know from experience. My husband was 37years with AA. Wonderful and peaceful.
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Maybe he needs to quit drinking to prove to you that he can be a responsible person. He also should get a second job to pay for all the extra costs he incurred being a complete dumb ass. I have zero tolerance for people who drink and drive. I used to work at a law firm who dealt with accident claims and I can tell you that I would never be married to someone who drinks and drives. They would disgust me.
I’m a mom with a DUI.
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do. BUT… from now on, he’s on the wagon. No more drinking for him. You can’t afford to buy alcohol now. Then: he stays home on the weekends. NO going out drinking. This is going to be a hard lesson for him to learn
Good lord some of you. Some states after one drink you’re considered drunk get a grip including OP. Should’ve offered to drive / pick up. Just because he was considered drunk in the law sense of the town or state doesn’t mean he actually was . Get a grip and fast. You might be part of the reasons he drinks
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Time for a second job for him maybe he won’t have time to drink
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He has made a major mistake. I would support him and not leave him. If you truly.love him you guys can get through this together .
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You have to do what’s right for you but if you love him I mean love him with all your heart and he was lucky enough not to hurt himself or no one else you can get thur it My husband drank for many years and managed not to get a dui or be in an accident but he finally quit drinking after many years and I was so glad when he did Follow your heart if you love him stick it out and it will get better You can’t make him quit that is on him and you shouldn’t have to live like that But ask yourself Are you more miserable with him or without him and don’t let anyone tell you what you should do Follow your heart I did and I don’t regret it We were together almost 40 years when he past away I miss him everyday
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Deal breaker for me ! He can go get another job too
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You can do tough love. He can go to an inpatient substance abuse treatment program, or a M.A.T. (Medication Assisted Treatment) program. He can get into either through the court system to avoid legal fees and charges. It is at least a try. You need counseling so why not use EAP through work to help you?
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AA and second job to pay for it all.
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If your instinct is to leave then leave. You’re not doing him/her any favors by lying to him/her about your loyalty and devotion to her/him. True love is unconditional and bidirectional. Either ya both have or neither of you do and time to find it elsewhere.
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Pay for divorce lawyers instead girl. He doesn’t seem to value your opinion or emotional needs. Which is a big No no
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Sending him off to rehab might seem financially impossible, but he’s not going to get better. If he’s not willing after how devastating an issue this is…you don’t forgive him. You leave. It sucks, and it’s scary, but he’s never going to change. And next time it will be taking someone’s life, or his own, or one of YOUR children’s lives. Recovery is not an easy path- but it’s not going to stop. Even if this scared him straight for a bit…he needs to be sober. Lay it down, and be clear. And start planning your exit. I know this is probably not very helpful…but DWIs are sometimes the first step into a more downward spiral. See where his head is at. And if he’s remorseful, and willing to do whatever it takes for you to feel safe, then maybe stick it out. If he bucks back AT ALL. It’s time to go.
That’s a deal breaker for me. Separation immediately and divorce. Anyone who drives drunk is scum.
He probably drinks because he’s with a grouch like you. Who even writes a post like this complaining?
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Someone in the comments really told the OP that she’s probably the reason he drinks?! 
girl bye
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Let him fall honey… and let him pick himself up… focus on you but stay in contact with him and with strong boundaries.
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He gets to FN man up now!
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Takes about 3 years to get passed it and depends on your legal costs. It’ll be tough but hopefully it’ll be his wake-up call. I’ve been 5 yrs sober and couldn’t have done it without support.
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The legal term for it is super drunk? Lol
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I got a dui and never drank again, it’s been 6 years. If he doesn’t learn now he will never learn. I’m sorry you’re going through this
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My brother drank and drove repeatedly. It finally got him. He was killed in a car wreck. 500 feet from home.
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I’m really glad when I got my dui that my fiancé supported me….he even helped me with the fees and fines. He hit a rock bottom of his actions. Be there for him as if you were in his shoes. Use this as a chance to make the drinking or driving a more serious thing that he needs to stop doing if you’re gonna support him. Getting more duis will be jail time. I’d hope that would be a good incentive. The classes are boring but educational for someone who has a pattern of drinking and driving
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Should of let him sit it out in jail. Depending where you are, he can get a go n blow installed to “get his license back” to insure he is sober every time before the vehicle will even start. It’s not the end of the world (yet) until he kills someone.
You also can’t force someone to get sober when they don’t want it - that’ll cause a closet drinker.
It’s not your fault. Don’t think for a second that it is.
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For better or worse and this is one of the down times. Work through it as a couple! As humans we are fallible and it’s the learning from it will help you both grow.
Stay strong 
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I get paid over $ 155 per hour w0rking from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 16023 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.
M0re Info. M0re Info. https://IncoMeWorld278.pages.dev/
Get real! And get help… Stop your madness
Must have been that last mega pint.
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Go to Al-Anon, and do the 12 Steps there, and you’ll learn how to forgive him. Sounds like he’s an alcoholic, and it’s easy to blame them for everything, especially the symptoms of their disease.
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You have to let him fall and let him pick his own ass up. You are not his mother. You dont go picking up his mess for him. He will lose respect and love for you if you do this. Best thing is to kick him out. He’s a big boy, he can care for himself. If he can drink and drive, get himself killed and kill others while driving, then he needs to learn his lesson without you. Seriously, without you.
If he doesn’t want to change he won’t, no matter how much stress you put on yourself over it. Ask yourself this “Could you support a man who made a choice to drive drunk and he ends up killing a family no matter how much you begged him not to drink and drive.?” I don’t think I could. He needs help, but you aren’t responsible for helping him if he won’t help himself.
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You wanting him to change will not make him change. He has to want it for himself. Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom to change their life around.
Support him and move pass this together.
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Tell him to kick rocks, as a teenager that her life has been destroyed because of a driver not paying attention I have no acceptance for a drunk driver. If he had no respect for other people then he will NEVER have respect for u!! No drunk driver deserves a second chance because it was a CHOICE they made knowing it was wrong and could risk others lives.
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