- On vacay, he went to turn his phone flashlight on and had a girls fb pic up. Swore he was ”unliking” them because I had been bothered by it. Hard to believe but believable right? Or no?2. We turned our locations on for safety reasons and I noticed he was at a black lingerie lunch with his coworkers. We don’t do that in our relationship. If we hadn’t just turned our locations on a few days prior, I wouldn’t have known. He did start a new job at in a new state and claims he didn’t know what it was. But it still hurts. We turned our locations off right away because it obviously was going to cause problems. But I would like them back on, just don’t want to be toxic. 3. Deleting messages with a female coworker. He swears he did because he thought I wouldn’t like them talking. I know he has to talk with coworkers. I didn’t like a specific message she had sent once that seemed flirty and said something, but want to be able to express that and not worry about things being deleted. These 3 things have happened over two years. Nothing too crazy and unforgivable but almost daily I have anxiety which eventually leads to an argument. How do I forgive/ let go? Am I crazy?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I forgive my husband for lying to me?
Are you crazy? Only if you stay.
Umm he definitely has cheated! Those r 3 major red flags! I would seriously leave or attend marriage counseling!
Seek marriage counseling for both of you. And Seek counseling for yourself as well. Lots going on here.
What the heck is a black lingerie lunch?!?!
He’s lying to you, but he sounds like a convincing liar. There’s no way all of these things are all totally innocent. Give him his space to get sloppy and I’m sure you’ll eventually catch him.
He cannot be trusted
Why track your partner? That’s weird
Um, if you don’t wear that lingerie, he knows who is wearing it. Please leave.
What is a “ Black Lingerie Lunch “ ?
There are so many red flags, I’m sorry but I would personally leave.
Be single. It’s awesome.
You have to have open communication with your husband. Trust is very important in a relationship. If he has female coworkers and has to communicate with them, as long as he keeps it professional, you should not be concerned. You will drive yourself up the wall worrying about if he is lying to you or hiding things if you don’t openly discuss the reason for your insecurities. Once you discuss them and he reassures you he is faithful, you have to move on. Otherwise, your relationship will suffer.
You sound like you don’t trust him at all. I can’t tell which one of you is the problem.
You can’t 100% rely on location data to be accurate.
You forgive him by leaving him.
He doesn’t really seem able to comprehend the adult way to handle this situation I can only suggest talking to him and saying “I can tell you how I’d like you to handle the situation if you aren’t sure” though I doubt it because it seems like too many things to be coincidental if you want to give the benefit of the doubt he could be worried about you getting really mad but again I doubt it
Once they start deleting messages that’s the first sign up cheating I’m being disrespectful
Looking like lots of red flags going on. But you know him best. You are already asking these questions meaning your gut is telling you something
Your coming across very insecure. Only my opinion. If you can’t trust then you’ll never be happy.
While those can be red flags for your relationship so is constantly watching his phone… I’d be unhappy asf too. Just because you don’t go to black lingerie lunches doesn’t mean he doesn’t. You to figure out if that is a deal breaker for you. He however is a grown man and is free to do as he pleases, and if what he does doesn’t please you then you are free to find someone who’s values actually align with yours. ￼
So many red flags on both sides and Idk which one of you is worse. Based upon the information given to us here, I suggest therapy.
What is a black lingerie lunch??
If you have to ask then you already know the answer.
He might be a great guy but he needs to grow up
It sounds like you don’t trust him and that both of you are the problem to each other. Time to leave
For the ones calling you insecure, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with being insecure especially when THE MAN gave you reasons to be!! Deleting messages is a big no no and a major red flag! I know you don’t want to start arguments and you don’t want to give up on your husband but I would definitely sit down and try to have an adult talk with him about how you feel and the reason you feel these ways because they are valid emotions and you have every right to feel that way. My fiance and I have been together about 9 years and we do not go to strip clubs or lingerie lunches because he knows I am not comfortable with those so he respects my wishes and he shows that he can listen and care about how I feel about those situations instead of instantly getting upset and making it into a fight so I would definitely try and have a talk with him and I would bring up the messages and everything so that he knows all of the reasons you are upset and if he gets defensive then he most likely is lying to you and trying to prevent getting caught so I would think about whether or not you can handle those things or if it’s a deal breaker. Good luck girl I know how upsetting it can be to worry about what your man is doing and who they are talking to flirting wise just keep your head up and don’t let him bring you down and definitely don’t let him make you think you are the problem just because you have feelings and want to openly discuss them
Red flags popping up all over the place. I believe there is reason for concern.
If you’re deleting a text you’re hiding something
Trust your instincts
Leave and let him be who he wants to be. If he comes back then there you go. Phone locations etc… he is suffocating. He is a man not a child
- I definitely understand having location on for safety reasons. I’ve had life 360 with friends and family, and I’ve had it with partners as well. As long as you’re genuinely only using it in emergencies, and not checking it every hour, I think it’s a perfectly reasonable thing to have. But to each their own.
- Based on a few comments below, the black lingerie lunch is, in a way, like hooters right? Personally I wouldn’t mind if my partner went, but you stated “we don’t do that in our relationship”. So clearly there was an initial boundary set, and it was crossed.
- I would be uneasy about the deleting texts with a female coworker.
I would sit down and just lay everything out on the table. Tell him about your anxiety, you don’t wanna start arguments but this is how you feel. Be open and honest— how he responds to you is important though.
I hope you can find some comfort. I’m sorry you’re having to feel like this.
Anxiety is a killer… normal people don’t understand how your brain jumps to the worst possible conclusion FIRST.
That being said, you need to really reflect… Ask yourself if your anxiety is making the situation appear worse than it is or if he’s actually being shady. Or both. You cannot be with someone who triggers you.
There’s definitely a trust problem here. The next question is, should there be? Only you can answer that. Is he acting differently toward you? More stand-offish? Less caring? More critical? I know the phone thing is disturbing. You have to decide what you can live with. Talk to him about what you feel. See what he says. Make your decision based on what he says and how he says it.
If he wasn’t hiding anything he would t have deleted it
It’s weird coz I had all this with my ex my son’s dad and alot worse
Deleting numbers and calls and texts from girls getting girls to add him o. Fb to make me para
Making out am a phyco but I found out he cheated on me with more than 3 girls more than once
But my partner the now I know he works with guys buut if he was to work with girls I know for a fact I can trust him 1000% an even othough I wouldn’t trust the girls if they are out age I would trust him enough to either tell them to fuck off or to tell me or h boss so n so is making me uncomfortable
& You need that in a relationship
He knows 1000% that it’s only him and we both have girl & guy friends we talk to and trust eachother
Am sorry but trust goes along way in a relationship
If there is no trust or respect there’s nothing
Your man clearly doesn’t love trust or respect you enough to stop these things and also to take your feelings and emotions into account he doesn’t see them as valid as long as he has his cake and to eat it too
The more you forgive sadly the more he will do av been there
Know you worth and put your foot down tbh. X
Sounds like you don’t trust him anymore. Time to end it
I agree with others about there’s red flags going on If you are telling him your uncomfortable with something then he should fix it just like if you were talking to other guys and deleting texts would he be ok with that?.Talk to him and give him a chance to show you NOT TELL YOU BUT ACTIONS that he doesn’t need to do those things if they are uncomfortable for you…Your gut is telling you something is off and the more you look the more you will find.Respect is very important and if he’s doing something that you feel is disrespectful and after talking it out he doesn’t stop then leave because that means he has a reason for it and it’s more important than you and your feelings.Even if he deleted texts because you would get mad then why not just talk to co worker at work.You seen a text that was flirty and it’s clearly effecting your relationship is it worth it to him to stop and be with you or will he not care and keep texting and let you feel like crap
Run now been there. He’s not there for you like he should be… toxic, toxic, toxic
Didn’t know what it was… “Lingerie” . Deleting things is automatically lying to me because if you’re innocent why hide it IMO . You should be able to just ask and respond accordingly. Should never be an argument of even stressful if it is all innocent.
If we have to tell you he’s a lying piece of then you obviously want to believe the lies
It seems like ur very insecure
If he’s deleting texts there is something more going on than just talking to a co worker… If he knows you don’t like her he should keep them to show you they are innocent and ABOUT WORK… Heard that before “deleted because I know you don’t like her” girl no! Something is going on or working that way!
You sound insecure and low-key toxic.
You definitely need to move on. I don’t care if you are toxic or if he is a cheater, your behavior is telling us all we need to know about it. You are not happy. You don’t trust him. You’re becoming paranoid. The relationship is suffocating you. Move on. There’s a better life out there.
You are stupid and he is a liar.
It all Sounds bad. He is out there playing single more than likely.
Either something happened beforehand that caused you to be this way or you are kinda toxic… if he’s never given a reason not to trust him then why are you reading his phone messages? And why make a huge deal out of a female coworker that said something that sounded kinda flirty? Did he flirt back? Could he even tell it sounded flirty?
I think you are extremely insecure , maybe he is not lying and everything is just in your mind, maybe he deleted the messages because you overreact about the smaller things.
Nothing that you wrote seems like he is cheating , you are clearly very controlling.
If you don’t trust him why you still with him?
You’re gonna end up on an episode of snapped.
Just reading this gives me anxiety, I say move on.
Why are people commenting just to be mean geez
Girl your not toxic or stupid your a normal woman just trying to feel loved and respected talk to him let him know how you feel everything and that you love him but his making you feel unloved and tell him he needs to
Stop talking to that coworker immediately
I think you are both not in a mentally healthy place in your life. If you can not trust the person and he is worried that what he does comes across as dodgy than your relationship is already sunk. You can not rebuild when you are continuing to search for problems and his behaviour is saying he isn’t willing to stop doing things that cause you anxiety. End the relationship, you both are just making each other miserable, life is too short for that drama.
What’s a black lingerie lunch??
You are not crazy! ALWAYS trust your gut. Even if you want to believe otherwise. You will leave him when you’re ready and not before. Hugs, honey.
You know whats going on. Stop lying to yourself…if you have location on then pull up on him…simple as that
Trust your gut. I’ve been there. You deserve better than this.
I see it from both sides. He could either be cheating or it’s a complete misunderstanding. Have open conversations with him about it. No arguing or fighting. if you still have these situations. Maybe it’s best to go your separate ways. Talk to the lord, or whoever your beliefs are ,and ask for guidance. Best wishes
Oh shit I just read the part about the lingerie lunch wtf
Trust your instincts. They exist for a reason, to protect you.
Sounds like he’s gaslighting you
Get couple counseling to help decide what is best for you
You both aren’t good for eachother. Your crazy for still staying in this relationship where he obviously cheating on u and getting caught. Your insecure Becuz u already caught him a bunch of times.
Listen to your intuition, whatever your gut is telling you is exactly what is happening. Have a sit down talk about what you are ok with and not ok with. Communication is key to a healthy relationship.
Honey… I’m not saying this to be rude. You need therapy and maybe a psych. You have been unreasonably upset in the past so your partner is learning to cover his tracks as not to upset you. This is not a good behavior for you or for him.
I would leave his dirty ass, before he physically cheats.
Most of the time it leads to more. RUN! Don’t even give him the time of day.
This is the 3rd time he’s done something that isn’t appropriate to do in a relationship.
He clearly can hear what your telling him and doesn’t consider your feelings when this is all happening.
You deserve someone who’s gonna cherish you and love you.
He. Does. Not. Respect. You.
You say he has a new job in a new state so does that mean he is away on business all the time or does he come home every night to you
You see pics on his facebook and then he says he willvdelete them because you dont like them…but why does he have them on there in the first place right…
He deletes messages from female co workers because it will upset you…why would messages upset you unless they are talking inappropriate…
You say you have found flirty messages and more…so what does this tell you …it tells me he loving the attention and is flirting back which leads to possibly cheating…
I dont have anxiety but reading this post is giving it to me
All the stuff he has done is all red flags…
Sweetie he is a dam dam good lier…he tells you what you want to hear…he knows you are insecure and he knows you look at his phone…
you dont really trust him but you are scared to actually admit that the husband that you really love could be doing something behind your back and turning the locater on is going to drive you crazy
Stop questioning him about what you see or have seen on his phone…If your guy is cheating or is about to cheat dont confront him on it anymore because if he is he just does a better job at hiding it and covering it up…and this guy is good…he is gas lighting you
I suggest you either hire a PI to see if anything is going on or…i have to abbreviate this or get deleted…
PC t.a.ttletail you install this on his phone and laptop and it shows all his messages even deleted ones…even videos he wont know he even has it…this will give you either piece of mind that he is actually truthful or a little leway in case there is actualky sonething going on…do it while he is in the shower
I had an ex download that life360 app on our phones so he could make sure I was safe. Turns out he wanted to make sure of where I was so I wouldn’t catch him cheating. He worked at a fast food restaurant and most nights he would give a coworker a ride home. No problem. One afternoon I had my oldest daughter (20 yrs old) babysit my two youngest and went driving around with my bestie. I got a call about an hour later and he was asking me why I went over by the river (my bestie and I had been driving the same route for about 20 years). Long story short my bestie and I pulled over and figured out how to check where he had been; which turned out almost every night he was driving a coworker home, they would stop at the river I went home and he was there and I ended up kicking him out. Which was a pretty good idea because he’s gotten the coworker pregnant. Poor girl had 2 kids by him and ended up dumping him as well.
It really doesn’t sound good time to end it if he doesn’t end that other relationship
I am telling you from experience: leave that toxic relationship. He is not worth your time!
Sounds like my last relationship. Not something I’d want to have to deal with again. I’m thinking it may be time for you to try and implement some serious changes (with him on board) or get out of there
Do you really need to ask??? It’s like reading someone’s diary …. You have to b prepared to see what you see …… then you can’t unsee it ……
You know your husband. You know something isn’t right. Keep investigating. Don’t believe the excuses until u see proof.
You’re not crazy. He’s being dishonest. Consider getting a lawyer, because eventually the truth will completely come out and at least you’ll be ready.
Trust is gone so is the relationship
You seem really insecure honestly, I’d really look inward to see where this is coming from. If you don’t trust him then why are you with him?
Listen to your gut…it will tell you the truth.
New relationship in another state?!?!
That anxiety you’re experiencing is actually you’re gut intuition screaming to you
Let him go… he is a lying cheating man.
Sounds like you need to get your ducks in a row …
If you can’t trust him why be with him?
No hE is playing around
Too much stress mama. Better off alone, you will get yourself sick. You will get sick mentally and then physically. You have better things to do and a better life to live ! Let him go
Personally, I don’t believe that you are crazy! Those are red flags and something I would not be okay with. The location thing is a bit too much though.
For everyone saying that she is insecure and toxic, you never know if someone may have anxiety or depression that causes them to have a hard time trusting people.
I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, and anxiety, and I CONSTANTLY worry about what the other person is doing, I just don’t voice it to the other person unless there’s evidence proving what I’m feeling.
Don’t make her feel worse than she may already feel, being lied to and cheated on is a terrible feeling.
Sounds like your leaving this guy just looking for a reason for it to be his fault
You sound insecure and controlling
It’s sounds like your seeing red flags and he’s making it into your own insecurities to get off the hook tbh
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Babe that’s your gut telling you something isn’t right. ALWAYS trust your gut
he either has already or is fixing to cheat.
When a person turns things on you they are a narcissistic one!he knows what he is doing and he is making you think you are crazy! Get out now!
think its worse then you know
He’s a narcissist and he’s gaslighting you and making YOU feel crazy, which in turn naturally makes you anxious. You ARE seeing red flags, you are NOT crazy, and you have to trust your gut. Leave him before he damages you and makes you not trust ANYBODY. You deserve to be happy.
That sounds like you’re making mountains out of mole hills. The black lingerie place - if he’s in a new job in a new place, if you get invited out to lunch with your new co-workers, are you really going to say no? No. Talk to him, he might have felt really uncomfortable about it. The chic he was unliking…isn’t that a good thing? And I totally get deleting messages from people to save an argument. You know why? Because it could be completely platonic and female brains will mostly try and make it out to be something different. You know he has to talk to co-workers, so stop being so insecure. Honestly, it sounds like he’s doing as you’ve asked to keep you happy and you’re still holding it against him.
Hang it up and move on