Child psychologist… asap
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Maybe she doesn’t like being in daycare. No consistency.
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I have over 30 years experience working in childcare. I would recommend calling your child’s Doctor. There is something going on they may recommend behavior therapy. Please don’t wait the sooner you find out the problem the faster the issues can be addressed. It could be a large variety of issues that only a doctor can diagnose. I have seen alot but don’t want to guess what is wrong. Praying you get the answers you need!
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Have you heard of Slumberkins? They’re plush stuffed animals that come with stories specifically for different emotions. Each stuffy has a different story and activity that helps teach kids about their emotions and how to control/express them. They were created by a teacher and a psychologist. Try that and if it doesn’t work try a seeing a real therapist.
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What do you do when she behaves like that? How do you discipline? Many parents don’t discipline their children and wonder why they act up everywhere.
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Have a chat with a doctor possibly a paediatrician and explain the behaviours maybe they could shed some light it could be that she might need to have an assessment and see if she has and issues like add/adhd, odd, asd anything like that or just behavioural issues which they could help you and get her therapy
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Momma this is beyond you finding the right approach. She needs an eval ASAP. There is way more underlying. Ask her pediatrician for a good child psychologist
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My son had behavioural issues and after seeing a doctor and a psychiatrist we got a diagnosis and now he is on medication and we are slowly getting better a day at a time
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Seem like there is jealously going on
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Is she the middle child? How much attention does she get? If she only gets attention when she does something bad - that is just enforcing her behavior.
Good 
up the backside lol
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My son was a biter so I bit him back… not hard but enough to make him realise it hurt - he never hit again x
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Give her a good ole fashioned a$$ whooping! Problem solved
Kid might just being crying out for attention cause something isn’t right. Or have mental health issues
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Coming from personal experience: get a therapist AND psychiatrist to do an evaluation on her. I had a lot of behavioral problems as a child and finally got diagnosed as an adult with ADHD, bipolar, and I was able to open up about trauma I experienced at a relative’s house. Mental health concerns are either genetic or trauma induced. Also look at any potential family history for clues.
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Bite her back pull her hair and most of all busr her butt your the parent act like it
Start over praising good behavior all the time (it’s time consuming and a bit annoying but soooo worth it) and ignore the bad (as long as it’s SAFE to) set up rewards for good behavior. My daughter is very jealous of her baby sister but once I started praising good behaviors and set up a magnetic behavior chart with rewards (like a 1 on 1 play date at the park or a movie) things have gotten better. I would still call her doctor and get therapy because they will give you the tools you need to help her and your family. Wishing you the best!
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Some mama boot camp. And I can’t stress enough, routine routine routine ROUTINE!!! It will take 21 days, follow a strict routine. Wake up, dress, teeth, breakfast, pack for care, home, try not to put on the tv, (but no mom is perfect) dinner, bath, book, cuddles, bed.
Every damn day!! For days with no care, make chores fun. Do the same thing every Saturday. Andy every evening at the same time it’s dinner, bath, book, cuddles, bed.
Every night.
Try it for 21 days. Then see a doctor.
And if they bite you, one swift pop on the back of the head. (I’m not one for spanking or beating, but every kid deserves a good pop. Like a reset button)
I would have a discussion with ped about a behavioral evaluation.
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I would go see your doctor and explain how your little girl is, he may refer you to a pediatrian.
This is how my little boy was and he was diagnosed with adhd and autism, I’m not saying this is what your little girl has but there maybe some underlying issues and they will be able to help.
Hope you get things sorted I really do feel for you xx
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Ever hear of beating her arse, now all u parents who don’t believe no need to comment, Idc what u have to say, and definitely have her evaluated sounds like she needs help
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PSA: I am blunt not rude if you get butt hurt easy please stop reading ::“”
If you have known about this behavior why wait until shes hurt so many other people and is about to be kicked out of daycare??
At this stage there’s really nothing you can do but a good butt whooping because it is NOT okay for a child to be running around harming others…
You can take her to a multiple doctors and therapy I highly suggest it but that takes weeks and months for a break through sometimes. You’re child will be kicked out of daycare before you see any improvement because it took time for this to happen. Will take time for it to stop…
Talk to your doctor. She needs a psychological evaluation and also OT for behavior modification. Try to find some time for yourself because this isn’t easy
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I mean that could be a behavioural issue maybe take her to a doctor about it
It called a hand across the ass
My child had anger problems a year ago. Then I read about dyes in food/snacks. Especially red dye #40. I cut it out of his diet. Holy hell the melt downs, the screaming, the hitting came to a halt. As he grew older it progressed. I couldn’t figure out why my child would scream for such a young child. Now we call it poison. At the store he’ll ask if a snack has red 40 and I’m honest with him and red dye #40 is in almost everything. While you are asking your doctor/pediatrician about the behavior, ask about the dyes in food too.
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Is she in pain that you don’t know about because the idea of constantly wanting to cause pain to others is not normal. Kids act out severely when they are suffering themselves!
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Do. Not. Bite. A. Child.
Take her to a therapist.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get control of my daughters tantrums?
Look for PCIT in your area.
Or a full eval done by a local behavioral company.
I tried everything for my son, but until I sought professional help everything other moms suggested only worked for short period of times or not at all.
Is there a common theme that starts it? Four can be tough for independence and unable to work through emotions. Have you tried sit ins with her (instead of time outs)? Waiting it out with her? Talking about it afterwards? Although with the physical nature of them this all would be hard. How about walking away so she can’t hit or bite? Or would she just find a new target?
Empathy to you. So difficult.
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Sounds to me she wants attention however she can get, with 2 younger siblings she may feel she’s being replaced in your affections. I suggest to get the younger ones to stay with someone, so she can have you to herself for a day.
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I saw somewhere that a mom was having a hard time with that and she told her daughter " I will not let you hurt (Me, your sister, the dog ect. ) I am going to go somewhere safe" and would remove themselves from the room and have the child be by themselves till they learned you will not allow iit
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To those who are saying to spank this child, gross! Why, cause a book says to? If everyone did all the awful things that book says to, this world would be an even uglier place. Hit a child who is going through something, that proves my point.
I’ve got 4 children, and I did not use their personal, private body part as a target to induce physical pain. Creepy to the max! Are my kids perfect? Nope. Am I? Nope, and I got the wooden spoon. My Mom would hit me, then tell me she loves me. Um. No.
This child and their Mother need help, and folks are shouting for the child to be shown aggression to stop aggression? 
All other advice is great. I also have to toss it out there, that some children have bad reactions to RED food dye.
A family member of mine was acting out aggressively, and once red was cut from their diet, their attitude totally chilled. 
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Has she always been this way or did it just start out of the blue? Extreme anger like that is usually an indicator of something, whether it be something happening to her ( worse case scenario and hopefully not the case) jealousy, feeling like she’s not getting enough attention, anxiety number of things. I would try to pinpoint when it all started and think about anything that was going on around that time that could of caused it and if there isn’t anything then maybe try some one on one time to see if it’s an attention issue, and if need be talk to her doctor to see if there is anything medically that could be an underlining factor
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She needs a spanking. If u don’t do something now . Just wait till she gets older. U need to straighten her out ASAP. No one will want to be around her acting like that. Disapline starts around 2.
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Have you looked into Conscious Discipline? It is where we talk about the behavior we want to see and not what we don’t want to see. For example, instead of saying “don”t run” you would say “we use walking feet”. There is also a whole calm down safe space methodology that goes along with this. But really at this age children do not under stand the concept of The word “Don’t” so when you say “don’t run” they hear “run”. That is why you tell them what you want them to do and not what you don’t what them to do.
I am a speech language pathologist who works with children who have severe behavior problems and this method works wonders with our students. So much so that our whole elementary school changed their entire behavior system to Mimic it.
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Before you go to spare the rod spoil the child (which I do believe in) try taking her somewhere quiet (just you and her). Ask her if anything happen to her. If she’s says no assure he that nothing bad will happen to her if she tells you. Be very patient with her. If she says yes ask her to draw a picture showing you what happened. Kids, especially that young, sometimes are afraid to say what is bothering them. It could be as innocent as jealous of her younger sister (of the attention she gets) or possibly something more serious. If it is not this then have a serious talk with her about biting, hitting, spitting and kicking. Let her know there are consequences for all of these. Then you must follow thru with the punishment each time it happens so she knows these are not acceptable actions.
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I echo sentiments here but I want to add; it is possible that it is ODD. My 12 year old son has ODD and ADHD and ODD is a whole other ballgame. I’m not saying just jump to this but it is a possibility if you narrow out more surface possible causes so to speak. Definitely talk to the pediatrician and maybe a psychologist if needed.
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Have you not spanked her? My sons 2 and he will not act out in front of me an if he does he knows what’ll happen. Wait until she’s older, she goin to be tryin to beat on you. I’m not about to hear the “spanking puts fear in your children” or “that’s lazy parenting” plz don’t start w me bc I got time today! My son won’t be doin none that.
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She has a physical need that is not being met. I don’t know tour home life, but it could very well be that she needs a LOT more one on one attention from an adult. Some kids need a lot more than others, and having a younger sibling really close in age, it’s likely that she is craving way more personalized time.
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Pediatrician. Medical workup. Behavior is communication and something is wrong.
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My two-year-old granddaughter is starting to bite and hit and I always ask her if she would like me to bite her or hit her when she says no I told her then don’t do it to me. I told her if you’re going to hit me I’m going to hit you well, if you’re going to bite me I’m going to bite you and it makes her stop and think and usually nine times out of 10 she stops the behavior.
Cut out all sugar and make sure she gets 12 hours of sleep every night.
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Spare the rod spoil the child…Train them in the way they should go…they will not depart from it…If being a parent doesn’t work…try a exorcism
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Is your daughter aware of her behaviour afterwards and is she doing it for triggered reasons? To me if you’ve tried a positive discipline her and it hasn’t been successful there may be an underlying cause, not saying their is but it sounds like an overload of emotions/sensory overload. I’d seek advice from specialist support services x
Also one thought…is she taking any medication, like an allergy liquid medication like a Zyrtec? If so try and give at night right before she goes to bed. I’ve noticed with both of my boys that Zyrtec made them crazy and hyper if given in the day time. Again all kids are different, just a thought. I feel for you. Lord knows I’ve pleaded with my 5 year old to mind his mouth on a daily basis.
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Is her negative behavior “rewarded”? Forget “reasoning” with a young child, they are too self centered.
If her bedtime is 8pm tell her Dr says she "needs more sleep due to such & such… behavior & more sleep will help “hitting, biting, spitting…” and put her to bed an hour earlier every night until things improve & reduce device time
4’s are brutal, worse than 2’s (in my opinion). Have you considered a behavioral therapist? Any major life changes in the family that could prompt this type behavior negative behavior? Def a sign of attention seeking but in the negative.
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Is anything bothering her? Maybe something shes going through? Perhaps youve tried to talk to her about anything going on with her that would make her feel angry inside.
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Behavior is a sign that a need is not met. There something that she need and doesn’t know how to express and say it. Look into gentle parenting that helped me a lot. Follow on tik tok holistichomejourney and rachlynnrogers
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We use alum for the biti g it is a spice. Or i am old school did the you bite them i bite you my teeth are bigger. But the younger did well with alum. At 4 they understand privileged and consequences so start taking away privilege or toys. Put it in a box tv shows etc. It is hard the first few weeks to be consistent and hard on mom but usually doesn’t take long. But I am sure you have heard this all. It is what worked for us.
One bust her ass and if that don’t work walk away from her if yall are at home if ur in public take her to the car and sit in the car and ignore her tantrum she’ll stop and as for her terrorizing her sister just let her sister hit her back. Thats one thing ive always taught my daughter if someone hits her and its a relative hit them back if ots at school my daughters teachers, principal and superintendent all have been told that if my daughter gets hit and the adults dont do anything my daughter has MY permission to hit the other kid back. But since urs is the bully id say get with the parents of the kid being attacked and allow them to hit her and see how she likes being hit and she’ll stop
But thats just how i was raised and how im rasing my daughter. She knows her daddy or me will NOT tolerate a bully
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Start with going to doctor then pediatrician. Look at diet. Look at calming techniques.
I’m a believer in a good ass whooping, sorry not sorry, others may judge me,but my kids don’t run all over me like that hellllllll no
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Sounds like she needs a good butt whooping when she acts like this and put in time out for at least 20 minutes.
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Sit down to her level and talk to her. Calmly, ask her why she’s doing naughty things and then when she feels those angry emotions explain to her better ways of expressing them. Talking to them does help, not Everytime or for every tantrum but it does help in the long run. This is the age where they just don’t understand how to manage all of these new emotions they’re feeling
She needs that ass busted 1 good time
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Counculing,for both of you. You need to find the cause.
My daughter pulled her 1st & only tantrum in public. I took her out to the car, & whipped
her butt good!! She NEVER did that again!!
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get control of my daughters tantrums?
How’s her speech? Has she had any prior trauma? She might need a TSS (therapeutic support staff) or behavioral therapist which her daycare should be able to assist with.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get control of my daughters tantrums?
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I work in a nursery and we have a rather head strong group of children have you tried reading the bright feelings Book by Tom Percival and asking her what she’s is feeling and why?! At 3/4 it’s hard to understand your feelings. It’s worth a try before speaking to professional help. Hope you find the answer xx
She may need an evaluation. It could be an undiagnosed disability that is leading her to behave this way. If that’s the case, you can get that diagnosis and start receiving services ASAP! I’m a SPED teacher and this sounds very familiar.
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I would have her evaluated for autism. If she is on the spectrum, the sooner you get services the better and advice on how to handle these behaviors. I’ve worked with children with autism for 17 years.
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My son did these things when he was a preschooler and after an evaluation we found out he has ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. Unfortunately not before he was kicked out of preschool. The good news is that he is almost 12 now and no longer needs as much assistance.
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Professional help and some tough love.
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My little one had similar issues. I did go and get her evaluated. (She is 5) in preparation for kindergarten. She was able to get an IEP and eligible for a 1 on 1 helper if needed for school. Come to find out she is also far behind other kids her age in a lot of areas due to her behavior issues. We also did start her on a simple medication aimed exactly for impulsive aggression. It has been a huge help and she is so much happier. I didnt even realise how much I yelled and was so paranoid at home untill she calmed down
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She needs to be evaluated by a professional… and soon- before she’s in school.
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Many of these things could help and did for my daughter. She was 4 and had a horrible temper, everything was a battler between her and I, her and her teachers, brothers, dad, grandma, everyone. When she made me so mad one time that I almost LOST my temper I found a child psychologist. He did a few sessions with us and didn’t diagnose her with anything but a need for attention. With 4 brothers in the house she couldn’t find a way to get the attention that she needed. He gave us some skills to use and we instituted alone time with the adults in the family. Then instituted consequences that denied her that attention. Not locking her in her room or anything but not letting her choose TV shows or what was for dinner. She’s now 25 and she still goes grocery shopping with me every week to get some mom time.
The counseling sessions helped me have peace of mind that I wasn’t screwing up my daughters mental health and were actually on the right track and helped us find the motives behind the behavior.
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She needs an assessment now…before kindergarten…there is so much help out there !
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I think it would be worth seeing a docor and getting referred to paediatrician. Many things can cause this and there is heaps of help out there.
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Not trying to be mean, but if it is just behavior, before spending time on medical professionals, usually it is that the parents have not been consistent and immediate, firm and with heavy enough consequences. They have very successfully learned to manipulate. Immediately remove child to a private room or area. Tell them what they did wrong, how it makes others feel and feel about them. Tell them you love them and know they can do better. What will others feel towards them when they do better. I feel like the words “ time out” are something a determined and manipulative child can brush off and won’t take long.
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Needs to be separated from sister at daycare, different class or daycare so your little one can have more autonomy. Your 4 year old needs to see a child psychologist for a mental health evaluation. Hopefully you have already spoken to her pediatrician. Try to get her help before Kindergarten.
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See a psychiatrist and seek therapy for the child. The child more than likely has an underlying condition or unknown stressor that needs to be evaluated and addressed by a professional.
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Mental Heath evaluation ASAP! My son was the same way when he was little. He is 11 now. Was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD, Autism, and has anger issues. He takes medication for it. The meds help, but sometimes they don’t. My daughter has ODD. You are not alone. Some days I want to give up but I have to keep trying and trying no matter what
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Help yourself and get professional advice right away. Try to remember when you first realized it was a problem and go from there. She could hurt herself or someone else and you don’t want to have that on your conscience. God Bless you and your daughter
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Discipline that costs her something she likes. I heard an adult say in his youth he was a challenging kid but when l got disciplined l knew I deserved it and it told me that my parents loved me.
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My son was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder with anxiety and clouded thinking. We did classes and therapy through kaiser and used the Back in Control book.
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I think she does need to be evaluated . But I also think some tough love also ,give her a choices but if she looses it then consequences big time and stick to it!
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She hasnt learned self control and how to control her emotions,key words to a child,calm down,take your time,control yourself,keep your hands and feet to yourself and time out and taking favorite activities are effective,video her and show her how she is behaving and give this child some one on one attention,nanny 911 was a great show.Im a believer in feeding a childs mind and letting them express themselves without medicating.
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Have her evaluated by a child psychologist if necessary something could be going on with her and maybe doesn’t know how to express herself so she’s acting out.
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She has some sort of disorder, please bring her to the pediatrician for a work-up and/or referral. There is a problem physically or neurologically, and it’s not something a reward chart or 1-2-3 Magic can address.
That might sound scary, but once she is diagnosed and receiving treatment you’ll wish you had acted sooner. I know how frustrated, guilty and ashamed you feel. Please know that 1) her behavior is not a reflection on you or your parenting, and 2) your daughter is equally as miserable and unhappy.
My son was diagnosed with DMDD five years ago. He was a nightmare child and our household was complete hell. Until he was diagnosed and began taking meds to correct his imbalances, there was nothing even the most skilled and patient parent could do to help him. It’s like trying to talk someone out of having a fever, or putting them in time out to discourage their diabetes.
He was an entirely different child within a day, and it was a miracle. The sweet little boy trapped inside him was finally set free. Only then were we able to work with him to change some leftover behaviors that had become habits. My son is actually sitting next to me on the couch right now 
He’s calm and happy and we’re very close.
You can have this, too. Make an appointment! Good luck!!
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Put her over your knee and spank her, I know it sounds awful but it will payoff when she begins to respect authority
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When my granddaughter was 4 years old and in Pre-k…not only did she bite a little boy there but she came home and did the same thing to me when I tried to talk to her about it. She had been diagnosed with restless legs syndrome and requip made her throw up. Her neurologist had changed her from it to neurontin (gabapentin) then weaned her off that and put her on klonipin. My granddaughter went from being a typical 4 year old to a little monster. We were told we could quit cold turkey and in a couple of days she returned to a typical 4 year old. In kindergarten she was diagnosed with adhd. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 16. Please get your daughter a mental evaluation because it could be something that can be treated. Many prayers sent your way.
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To me it sounds like something Happened to her, to have so much anger. When I was a kid, Some one close to me had a horrible experience and became violent. They are still coping with it.
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Some times a red ass might sort it out 
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My thought is, “How did she get so out of control in the first place”?
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Withdraw all her toys and put her in an empty room with a mattress. Give her on treat when she does something good. Go slowly and it works.
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I am really bothered by those of you who think there is a simple solution to this serious problem. First physical issues need to be ruled out. After that this child needs a full neuro-psych evaluation by a licensed and well experienced neuro psychologist. Depending on the findings a plan should be put in place. Expect this to change as the child gets older. My heart goes out to this family if the little girl has a diagnosis of a real psychosis or personality disorder.
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What are the consequences of her actions? A lot of times kids are exploring the boundaries, if they get by with one thing without a consequence then they move on to something else. Set the behavior you expect and follow through with punishment if boundaries are crossed. It will take time and she will see how dedicated you are. Don’t give up or the child has won!
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There is literally a book called “Out Of Control” by Shefali Tsabary.
Its not really about controlling your child.
More controlling YOUR (My) reaction to it.
Parenting from the inside out is also a great book to read 
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try removing sugars and things with the orange food colouring from her diet… eh i cant remember who its called or the numbers… its an additive for colour and flavouring or something… used to send my friends son crazy if he had it… he’d settle down when he wasnt allowed to have it… apart from that… idk… be strong mumma… you’ll figure it out… Good luck.
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What kind of discipline are you using? Do you follow through on punishments when she misbehaves?
If she isnt afraid of the consequences why would she stop doing whatever she wants?
I’m sure plenty of people will be horrified by this idea but some times a kid needs a good smack on the ass.
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Talk to your pediatrician and they’ll head you in the right direction. But I agree with the mental health evaluation. Before something more serious happens.
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Alot of times its a call for attention… If you set her in her own space by herself and ignore her.and leave the room…until she settles down then talk to her…you have to do this several times until she understands that her behavior put her there…it takes alot of patience and deaf ears but it does work
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roll up a news paper and smack her on the head with it. she sounds like she needs serious training lady. WTH have you been doing to raise such an ill mannered kid?
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Professional assistance is needed. She is out of control. Intense counseling is required.
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Take your child to psychologist who specializes in behavioral problems with children.
This may also be something that needs to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
….a nurse
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