Bag all their stuff up tell them they can earn it back until they learn how to clean
Keep the door closed. Wait 9 years. Once she has a roommate or significant other, her act will change.
Until then, you’re just going to make her dig in her heels and raise your blood pressure. This is NOT the hill on which you want to die. You’ve got much bigger, more important battles ahead, so save your reserves and keep your power dry.
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Tell them to do it…some things are not a choice…
They need to be taught very early on…1yr olds…,(with help) to clean up…
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Remove the privilege of a phone, leave all other electrical items in the room but take the chargers/leads etc, banish the child to its room except for mealtimes but leave the door open, sooner or later it will work
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What exactly makes her room a hot mess?
Is it toys/trash/laundry?
For toys, i cant really think of much besides only allowing her to have out a handful of toys at a time. Until she can understand.
If its trash - consider putting a trash can in her room & taking out the trash yourself. Sometimes kids need a little extra help/push and thats ok.
Same with the laundry- put a clean/dirty basket in her room and try to keep up with washing/keeping them able to be used.
She could be feeling overwhelmed with it all.(yes kids do and can get overwhelmed just like adults & their sense of reason is less than)
It’s the only place she feels she has some kind of control … perhaps
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Statt throwing their stuff away
I gave up trying. I just closed the door.
Tell her if she doesn’t clean it, you will and throw everything in the trash. I did it to my son. I only had to do that once. He learned that day.
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Black rice? Threatening and throwing things away? I can’t believe the comments here. There should be required education, tests and licensing for people who want to be parents… Try this experiment: Close your eyes and imagine her room clean and your child dead and gone forever. Now which would you rather have? …If you choose to be a tyrant as a parent, dont be surprised when your children put you in a home or piss on your grave.
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Continue with your punishment … if you give in , she wins … it’s your call I’m afraid
I was the same as a child and I’m the same as an adult. I constantly have clothes over the bedroom floor, I’m pretty much the laziest person I know when it comes to clothing and I don’t like it when I have a pile of clothing to fold but I still repeat the process over and over again. I’m 30 years old now and some things obviously never change! The rest of the house is tidy as well so it’s not as if I’m just generally messy. Maybe your lil one is the same 
Sometimes the mess is just too overwhelming so as a parent I think it is your job to sit down with her in the room and help her organize. Offer suggestions on what to put away first and how to clear away the biggest mess, make sure she can reach her closet so she can hang things up and when it’s organized and clean stand with her and tell her how proud you are and that she can do it and if it gets to be too much again just asked you to sit with her again and help her organize
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Kids that have ADHD or dyslexia have a terrible struggle keeping their rooms clean. Is it worth fighting about her entire childhood? This fight will hurt your relationship… possibly forever. Pick your battles… there will be more important things later in the teens!
My youngest, the spokesperson for our crew of 4…ALL teenagers.that keeping their rooms clean wasn’t as important to them as it was to us. So I said ok…I will clean your rooms and I will go through EVERYTHING. Boom. Rooms were kept clean. Noone wants mom going through their crap.
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Close the door and relax. Research about brain development and expectations from a 9 years old. Good luck!
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My daughter is exactly the same. I just dont go in there and ask her to bring out dirty washing. She will grow out of it.
Theg can either clean it or throw their stuff away.
Tell her you have seen a mouse
You tell em to "get their a***es up and clean their gosh darn room NEEOOOWWW! LOL LMBO
Toss the whole kid out
oh i dont know…maybe your kid has some sort of mental illness.
What do u expect from a 9 year old ,do it together
I live w an adult that can’t keep their room clean…any suggestions?
Have a strong male figure who doesn’t take any sh‼️…problem solved
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She’s 9! Chill out!!
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Scorpio recommends fire
Samantha Williams look at some of the answers. The mice one with rice is good lol x
Just wait…it gets crazier…lol
A good lesson I once heard is to involve your little one while cleaning his room. Repeat this for many days till he starts to do on his own.
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Can’t leave room til it’s clean. Period.
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This makes me sad. I was the messy kid once. Now I am a trying not to be messy adult. Constant fighting. It’s not that I didn’t WANT a clean room. It is because I physically could not do it. Low and behold at 37 I was diagnosed with ADHD. After all the damage was done by parents and teachers alike. The amount of times my father took everything thing in my room and put it in trash bags and made me go through those bags and out everything away. All the whilst crying. My mother taking pictures of my room to “show my kids” when I have them and that I am “not allowed” to ever get mad at them for making a mess. I am 40 now and struggle with this still on a daily basis. Please have some compassion. The more you fight with her the further you are pushing her away, and the more irreparable damage you are causing.
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When my two sons were old enough to clean their rooms and chose not to, the rule was I had to be able to close the door so I didn’t see the mess. If their dirty clothes weren’t in the hamper by Friday night there would be no clean clothes for school on Monday. Logical consequences.
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What worked best for me was making a list. I wrote each child’s name on the list and their chores. Then they would cross off the chore when they completed it. I made sure everyone had the same amount of chores. 
(They count them!!) “Clean your room” has different meanings to kids. You may have to be very specific with some kids. Other kids already keep their rooms cleaned on a regular basis. Find a happy medium. Maybe you can expect a clean room once a month. Shut their door if you have to. I like a clean room too so I understand your frustration.
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Children express themselves in child like ways. Her room may be an expression of internal anxiety, chaos, low confidence. Or just a need for control . Talk to her more, spend time together separately from others. 
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While it is true that children need to learn to keep their areas clean, it’s also important to remember that some people genuinely have a hard time staying organized and on task. It’s also possible that looking at the messy room is just completely overwhelming for her, and she doesn’t know where to start. Instead of just punishing her for the mess, help her come up with a system for keeping it clean. Does she always leave many toys out? If so, then maybe she either needs less toys that are brought out on a rotational basis, or maybe a better system to keep them organized, like bins or boxes that are labeled. Are their clothes everywhere? Again, help her with an organizational system. She may also need to you work with her to keep her room clean- to help her stay on task and to not feel so overwhelmed.
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My child was overwhelmed with her room. She would walk in and couldn’t see an end to the mess. So we took one area at a time and she cleaned that part only. Then we took a short break and after break we did another area. We did this until she finished her room. She is now grown and her house is always so clean…so proud of my children.
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They say the messiest people are the most intelligent. Don’t stress about their room. As long as she keeps the mess out of the rest of the house helps with dishes and other chores. Kids have their own personality and I really hate all these punish them for not being perfect little robots comments. My daughters room was a mess but she’s now married her house is very clean and her room not so much.
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Is this seriously popping up on my newsfeed! Tell them to do it and if not whatever they do not pick up throw away! Take it away, throw it away! You’re the parent! If they do not any longer have it after it’s thrown away, it’s hard for them to not pick it up again! I have four teenage boys. They know if it is not where it it supposed to be, it will then disappear! I’m so mean and oh it’s so sad 
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This is not about a clean or dirty room. It is about the kid finding out exactly what, if anything, in their life they have control over. You tell kid “this is your room”. But you place rules on it.
So what if they are messy, they will grow out of it. Just close the door and move on.
Let them know as long as room is messy, IF you must enter for any reason you will stomp on and most likely break anything on the floor. Other than that, stop stressing yourself out over such a minor thing.
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I saw on here a mom got sick of her sons dirty room. She bought black coffee beans and put in his room and told him he was raising mice. When he saw all the mouse droppings he finally kept it clean. He was horrified
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Is a little mess all that important. Shouldn’t you spend the time enjoying your daughter. When she grows older she will clean up
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I do not know but every Sat was cleaning day at our house and you did not have a choice you had to clean your room if you did not do it you did not do anything else watch tv go out to play whatever.
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I would tell them to clean an area such as the floor, desk, bed or dresser each day. I would give some instructions with it. The smaller task each day was more doable to them. As they got older I would set a timer for about 15 minutes. They would accomplish a lot more in that short time.
Some children are not organized thinkers and cleaning is just not in their being. My daughter was like this and one of her daughters is. We tried “all of the above” to no avail. At our house, If it was on the floor it was assumed to be trash and it was eventually thrown out or donated. We just refused to buy her things that would end up on the floor as best we could.
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Some people just can’t be clean!! maybe compromise with “messy as long as it’s hygienic” .
I have 3 boys very different and I learned we had to parent them differently.
And remember it’s your house & your rules-no one needs to know!
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I was and still am this kid. I would try to keep my room clean but never could. My mom tried all those things. I would get so involved with putting things where they belonged ( pick up cups and go to the kitchen - got distracted by something in the kitchen or somewhere along the way and forgot what I had started and was suppose to be doing. I still have to set a timer every time I do laundry or I would ‘remember’ 2 days later and of course
Had to do the laundry again. (I’m 65+ YO and still set a timer to bring myself back to what I am suppose to be doing). It was never fun to be in trouble and have all my stuff taken away but I eventually learned how to deal with my goofy brain.
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Get some brown rice. Spread it around her room in neat lil piles. A bit in her closet, some u der the bed etc. Maybe even in the bed. Tell her it is mouse poop and she needs to be neater.
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We removed everything from her room except her bed nightstand dresser. No toys. She was madder than heck but we told her that she would get one thing introduced after having her room cleaned for a week. That meant making her bed and having her clothes put away in her dresser. On Saturday of that week we pulled everything out of the dresser, I let her decide where she would keep what kind of clothing which drawer. When it was her choice it seem to make a difference. I highly recommend it! Best wishes it does get better
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It’s her room, don’t fight with her, ask her why she doesn’t want to clean her room. Maybe she doesn’t know how to get started, not organized, etc. we’re all different … talk then try various methods
Then negotiate, my mother would say if you don’t clean your room and I have to do it … what’s ever not put away properly will be thrown out … mom didn’t really throw it out she put in in a box … first time it happened it wasn’t a happy sight … but we learned
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My son asked me once why I cared about HIS room so much. I said I was trying to teach him to be responsible and clean. His response “I’m not doing drug, smoking, drinking, sexually active or playing video games all day.” I decided the room was a little thing not worth a battle because he was doing a great job elsewhere.
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This worked for a very short time, but at least there was some success. I gave a tickle for each item picked up (@4 or 5 years, this was great). Variation - I’d make a contest - how many things can you put away in x seconds, then x minutes.
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Close the door and walk away! When she gets a little older she will decide it needs to be cleaned.
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Be specific on what things she needs to do. Find out something she wants within a reasonable price. Make a chart and mark off when she does each chore. Decide how many days she has to do her chores to earn what she wants. If she doesn’t clean one day, she starts over. Do this at least a couple of months. This should not be cost prohibitive to you.
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Take away their electronics guaranteed their room will be spotless in minutes. I find so many parents now days want to be friends with their children instead of the parent.
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I always gave mine allowance with chores of keep one other room n yours clean. Was posted on refr changes every month but their choice. Worked wonderful. All grown now, all neat nics.
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My 11 year old still has problems keeping her room clean. The rest of the house is clean, so I don’t know why she feels her room needs to be a pig stye. Anyway, she is also a gifted student at school, and supposedly this has something to do with it. I did notice that she has problems with 2+ step instructions, so I make a game out of it for her. Make your bed. You have 10 minutes. Come down when you’re done. Then it’s put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. You have 10 minutes. Come down when you’re done. On and on until she’s done. Just knowing that it’s one task at a time helps her to focus and she actually gets her room clean fast.
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Walk away. You have far greater battles ahead of you. This is not worth losing-which you will.
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Their room is like looking into their heads. They’ve got sooo much going on its impossible to keep it all in any kind of order. Reminders help. Notes, a white board with reminders of daily to do lists. I try desperately not to judge. I keep their door closed. Ask for dishes, ( if i forbid them they just sneak them) before running the diswasher. Reminders when its trash to the street day. My daughter speaks to a therapist on a regular basis. I think my daughter unconsciously keeps it that way so i will not enter. I offer to do her laundry if she brings it out, she works full time.
Personally, i dont use a reward system. In the real work we dont get “rewarded” for things we are just supposed to do.
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All she needs in room if refuses to keep clean is a bed, laundry basket and lights. No activities until cleaned, breakfast, lunch, dinner no snacks unless healthy ones.
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I was this way turns out I had depression and anxiety. Depression isn’t just being sad sometimes you feel so extremely exhausted and empty and you can’t move while also being anxious about the mess which creates more exhaustion. Not saying this is your kid but try to be understand or help clean with them or only do one section at a time.
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My daughter started being a bit more tidy in her own space when she started wanting her friends to come over… it kinda happened naturally… it is a battle I chose was overrated
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How about showing her how to organize and clean with her. I am grown and lack these skills because I was never taught.
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She have an amazing daughter with spirit , she’s creative, resourceful and happy in her chaos! We all have one. Cherish it , she’s an individual and likes it that way. Don’t break her spirit or you break her. Lower the standards and then back down. You’ll love her and who she will become in 10 years, this will be a memory
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She probably thinks it is someone else’s responsibility to do the cleaning. “Why should she do it? It’s got to be somebody else’s job. She’s the ‘Baby’, why should she have to do things?” Treat her like a baby. Don’t let her do things she wants to do, because “She is only little” She will soon get fed up with that.
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When my child want to go somewhere or do something special I would go look at their room and look - messy means NO, it it was clean then YES
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Mother of daughters here, and it’s not worth the fight. Establish ground rules - no food or snacks in the room and the mess can’t leave the room. Any space she shares has to be maintained to the level of the others. Close the door so you don’t have to look at it.
If at any point she asks for help in cleaning, don’t make it a big deal and help out.
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I use to watch my grands during the summer and my grand daughter’s room was awful. I use to say I’ll coming up with a broom. I would sweep everything on the floor into a pile in the hallway and say it’s all going. Then I make her go look at the pile and if she didn’t take things out of the pile it went. Some to trash, some was donated. But if it went, it was not replaced. It was understand that if you asked me for something that you threw out the answer was no. I also made her watch hoarders and she saw that bugs and mice liked to live under all that stuff.
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Ask her how long she thinks it will take her to clean her room then set a timer and tell her if she beats the timer then you and her can go do something special together. You can make it once a week or once a month or whatever. To make it fair to your other children who keep their room clean, you should spend special time with each of them also. You will end up with clean rooms and bonding time with each of your children. Good luck.
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Save yourself the stress and just keep her door shut. As long as there’s no dirty dishes in there it will be fine.
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Just keep it sanitary, No dirty dishes or old food in there. Struggling with my 15 year old son in this same way. Maybe she’s lacking organization skills or overwhelmed doesn’t know where to start.
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When my oldest was around 8yo, I told him… We are cleaning your room tonight!!
We walked to his bedroom door and said we will start from left to the right.
Make piles in the middle of the floor. Good toys, junk toys, trash, dirty clothes and donate things.
Yes, it took some doing to keep him on track. He kept finding lost toys. but we got it done. As we came down to the close of the right side of his bedroom, having started from the left side moving towards the right, behind his bedroom door in a pile of stuff I found a book he had checked out of his school library on how to clean your bedroom!!!
True story!!!
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From raising 5 kids. Keep one thought in mind, your cleaning and what they think is clean aretwo different things, so you may have too help them until they catch on…but one rule we had absolutely no food in your rooms, no tv’s in the room…no drinks in the room.
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I tried with my kids for years, I would resort to cleaning it myself…I would try to get them to at least help…they both had ADD so help lasted minutes before they were doing something else. I never figured out a way for them to do it, they knew I would eventually do it myself. They each had their moments when they would just do it without being asked but it was rare. They are now 20 and 25…their rooms are still a disaster.
Everything in garbage bags. Clean and dirty clothes together. When no clothes left they do care. They have to earn clothes back by doing chores. Could work with toys too.
I tell mine he will get bed bugs and they will bite him allll the TIME and never die. Lol may be little excessive but it absolutely works lol
But also u need to specifically say what u need from them.
Close her door. It’s her room. There were weeks when I didn’t see the kids bedroom. When it got to the point when they were uncomfortable with the mess, they’d ask for help cleaning. Neither kid grew into slobs. And they knew they had their private place.
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I paid for everything they have. They are being taught to respect the things we have, and expected to take care of them. I need then to know they don’t get a pass if they don’t feel like it. They do it. No wifi, no playing until the whole 5 mins or less, which is all it usually takes. It’s a daily chore for all 4 of mine. It’s quick and expected that way. I tell them, go clean up yourself and your room before we eat. You take care of your body and your space.
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Box everything up except her clothes and make her do chores to earn her things back
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My son was the same way the only thing I told him was the mess can’t go past his door if it does it gets thrown away and no dirty dishes left in the room other than that it was his mess, now he is 34 and keeps his house very very clean
It’s called organized chaos for some people as they grow up, as long as they aren’t leaving dirty dishes, silverware, and such in there room. Are they doing there own laundry ? Or do you it ? Work and respect with kindness helps too
Could they possibly have ADHD or an IEP? If so staying organized, completing tasks and remembering things in general can be super challenging and overwhelming. This frustration can cause them to act out, feel embarrassed or disappointed in themselves. For my youngest I kept toys to a minimum making it easier for them to clean their room, I also did away with a dresser entirely because they were more willing to hang clothes up then fold them, and I labeled the closet so everything had a place. I also keep a picture on the wall of the closet clean, so she had a visual of where things needed to be and she knew what my expectations were when I told her to “clean” the closet. I also let my child pick their punishment, for example, I would warn them if they didn’t finish a task they would either lose tv for the rest of the day or go to bed an hour early, after they made their choice and if the task wasn’t completed I followed through on the punishment. It helped them learn cause and effect. I’m a step mom to 7, I think it’s important when you have multiple kids to remember they are individuals and they learn in different ways, I really had switch things up with my youngest and get creative!
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Have you thought of maybe having your daughter evaluated for a mental illness. Having extreme high/low mood swings can make cleaning extremely hard on a person. My daughter has a depression disorder so her room is never clean, but trash is taken out once a week. It probably gets cleaned once every two months and I’m grateful for that. Sit down and talk with her without any judgment and ask open ended questions. Good luck
The best is close the door and don t look
Same never change
When they move in their own keep clean
When you are in good mood clean for them
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My daughter tidy up beforehand sleep over with friends, it happened naturally just gently explain,your room looks so nice now, after clean and tidy up.
Don’t ever throw things away that are not yours. I don’t care if it is your house. Close the door and walk away. As long as there are no dirty dishes and no food left in the room
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My middle daughter has always been a very messy person. At 45 she is still a messy bedroom person. Just shut her door when she was at home. Now as a married adult I still close her door when she comes to visit.
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So I make both my boys clean their rooms every Friday after they get out of school. They aren’t allowed to start their weekend until its clean. They are 8 and 5. Yes I go back in after my 5 yr old and re straighten his bed because he isn’t very good at it and I will vaccum his room because the vaccum is a little heavy for him but they are expected to clean their messes up.
My two boys had to share a room they would never clean or pick up so I cleaned it every thing on the floor went into a black garage bag and went out side when they came home and saw what happen All I can say it was so much fun watching them go through the bags So never again was it dirty messy yes but it thought them a lesson
I told my oldest for 2 weeks to pick up his toys. Next day I had off from work I went in his room took1/2 of his toys and boxed them up to give to a young child who had to leave all of his toys to get out of a bad situation. The rest I put up and told him he could have back in 2 weeks. Never had to tell him twice again.
When I was young my mother kept an immaculate house so we all learned. On Saturdays I had to clean my room thoroughly, now I also try to keep an immaculate house. Can’t stand to see lint on the floor!!! My son asked me one time, mom, do you sit on the commode and also pick up lint if you see it and I said I sure do, lol.
Just don’t clean it pick your fights if she is a good kid and no trouble Trust your parenting will shine through eventually even the messiest of kids will not want to
Live in filth Give it time she will clean it up on her own
And learn a lesson in the process
As long as no bugs are infesting the place just ignore it
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Take everything out but the bed, the end. She won’t like that. Then you earn it back, little by little when you respect it.
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I raised four kids, if a room was a mess the door must remain closed at all times. No food or drinks were allowed in rooms. If you want laundry done it must be brought to the laundry room on Saturday morning and clean clothes taken back to your room by Sunday. Never fought over hot messes. Would be willing to help if asked. All my kids as adults are complete neat freaks now.
My ten year old daughter does the same. So I started cleaning together with her and asking her what do you think we should do kaitlynn and bam after a couple months she cleans it all by herself
I’ve gotten my kids into the habit of straightening up before bed every night. Every once in a while we get home late so they don’t have time but for the most part it’s a nightly habit. Because they clean up every night it’s not such a daunting task to do a deep clean once a week or once every 2 weeks.
When I was a defiant child and wouldn’t clean my room, my mom would quietly come in with a trash bag while I was in there. She would start picking up my stuff and put it in the trash bag. I would ask her what she was doing. Her response was I’m helping you clean your room. I would quickly usher her out taking trash bag from her and told her I would take care of it. After she left I cleaned my room till it was spotless and you could eat off the floor.
Tell her she’ll get mice…they love messy rooms. Then buy some black rice…it looks just like mouse poop…sprinkle some around in her room including some in her bed…point out the mouse poop to her…that should do it…
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Some kids are just messy. Brains work differently. As long as it’s not stinking up the house or causing rats or bugs just close the door and let it be. One day it’ll be an empty room and you’ll miss them. 
When I was a kid my mom started throwing all my stuff away if I didn’t keep my room clean. It worked because I didn’t want to lose my things.
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