Daughters no can. Only sons. Yeah I know double standard, but it is what it is.
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When I say no, its a no.
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I let my daughter have sleepover at her cousin’s house generally and her best friend because I spoke to the grandma for years and felt comfortable enough. My daughter also knows she has a vagina and no one should be touching her their or her butt. Or making her do things naked, no one helps her change, no one bathed her etc.
So you’re okay with your child missing out because of past trauma? Idk maybe I’m wrong but that seems kind of selfish to me… that’s why you meet their parents, you obviously don’t send them to a strangers house.
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Maybe you could host a sleepover for her instead?
Totally understand where you’re coming from…my babies ain’t allowed to go no where if I don’t truly know the family.
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I personally think you get a feeling of unease when you are around a child molester . I know I do ! It can happen in your own home also & you may never know ! I’m speaking from personal experience
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My son had sleepovers starting at age 4. His friend came to our house and other times he went there. I did know the parents and felt comfortable with them. The boys loved it.
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Open communication with your child is a must. You really have to explain to them the risks of sleep overs. Or you can suggest to do the sleep overs at your place.
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It might be tough now but it’s not worth the risk and one day they will understand.
My mom used to be super strict with me and we had anger towards her for it but things happened regardless of how safe she tried to keep us because we wanted to push the limits and should’ve listened to her. The older I get and now that I have my own kids I completely understand and love her for trying to protect us.
When I was barely a teen I argued with my mom to stay the night with a girlfriend I grew up with. She always let me but had to meet the parents first. She called and did check ins and everything a mother would do. But it wasn’t the parents problem. My mom always told me I couldn’t stay there when her older brother was home and I did anyways. He waited until we were asleep one night and pulled me out of her bed and some terrible things happened that I’ve had to live with ever since. I was told not to tell anyone. I hated myself so bad because my mom was right and I should’ve listened to her.
My son who is now going to be 7 gets mad when I don’t let him day with friends but it’s not safe anymore, boy or girl, it happens every single day from the poeple you least expect. Talk to your kids please, put some fear into the and be honest no matter how hard it is, it’s harder to live with the result of not understanding.my mother still don’t knkw because I didn’t think I could talk to her about it.
Also, suggest sleepovers at your own home so that they still can be involved with friends but you can watch them safely.
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I always befriend the parent and join the sleepovers 
it’s like a win win lol
Idk I wouldn’t do this to my kids. You can’t go around acting like everyone is a pedo. These our her youth years. Why take those experiences away from a child? Why should they miss out on memories because of fear? You introduce yourself to the parents and get to know them, make sure your kid has a cell phone for emergencies, check on her while she’s there, and pay attention.
There is a potential danger at every corner we take. We all cannot live in fear.
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You need to get to know the parents of your children’s friends. It doesn’t matter if it’s a sleepover or going out to dinner or the movies or something like that. Your child is going to rebel if you don’t let her do things. Again have the parents over research them on the Internet and then make a decision
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Have a bar-b-que at your house or at a park, invite these other parents so that you can meet these parents. Do an online search and check them out so that you will be more at ease when you meet them.
Find out how many kids will be at the sleep over.
Arrange a sleep over at your house for the kids. Get your child a cell phone that you can track.
I don’t know where you live or if there are more child molesters in your community than other places. You do need to teach your child that no one is allowed to touch her privates or watch her bathe or dress except you, her doctor, and her female sitter.
I don’t think you should present your concerns in such a way that it makes the other parents sound evil. I do think you can present it in a way that lets your child know she is too young, you don’t know the other family and because of that, she can go to the party and any meal before the sleep over but not the sleep over itself. You’ll pick her up at 9:30 or whatever bedtime is.
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Start off by apologizing and letting her know that you understand she’s frustrated and confused. Explain that you would never want to put her in a position that could become unsafe. Make sure she understands she didn’t do anything for you to say no. Tell her that people will sometimes take advantage of other people. Explain to her the risks of sleeping over at someone’s house if you don’t know the parents/family. Sexual assault, physical or verbal abuse, you don’t know if anybody there has something questionable on their record etc. She will most likely still be upset, but you need to understand from her perspective that to her, a sleepover is just fun and a good way to spend time with friends. Maybe offer her a different idea? What if the friend can come over to your house during the day and over time you can build trust with them and eventually let them spend the night at your house.
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We have allowed our daughter to sleep over friends we know (more like family) since she was 5 & a half. She has 24/7 access to call me from her tablet & we have spoken to her & her brother’s & been as honest as we can with them. We don’t want them being afraid of the world but we want them to be cautious. I wouldn’t send my kids some where I didn’t completely trust & even though anything could happen I can not keep them in a bubble under my eye at all times.
It’s just like sending them to day care (my kids never been) or school. They can’t be with us at all times but we can prepare them for the world & to be able to have open & honest dialog with us as parents.
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Why not do the sleepovers at your place instead so you can watch them
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I had sleep overs. But only at places my mom trusted I would be safe. She also knew if something happened I would have told her.
My son stayed at his friend’s a few times only because I trust his mom. But he has a cell if anything happens. He’s 12
An over protective adult was a under protected child. We only did sleepovers at our house.
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I totally get it I don’t let my daughter either once in a blue moon, she goes to her friends house but she always has her phone and I track her phone and I’m completely honest with my child especially about my childhood trauma so she knows all the signs and what is and isn’t Okay. I don’t even let her go walking around by herself she gets mad but I am very protective of my daughter and that’s how it is can’t trust anyone no more not even some teachers as it’s been all over the news open communication is key
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Invite the friends and parents over for a potluck BBQ to get to know them. Make an effort to know the families of your daughter’s friends then once you know them let her go have a sleep over.
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Yep start getting to know the friends parents. I also had a talk with my daughter that she is always welcome to come home if she is feeling uncomfortable or doesn’t want to stay.
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Most of the abuse that you are scared of is done my family members, so it’s not about protecting your children from stranger danger, but about what is okay and what isn’t okay for anyone, family or not to do to them, what to do if they arent comfortable with what someone is doing, and that if someone asks you to keep something a secret about something that you should tell your mother about it to see if its the kind of secret that you should tell her about. Like if they did something that makes you uncomfortable. I used to end up watching bits of Law and Order SVU: because it was on at 8:30 and I would try to get away with a bit more TV instead of going to bed. It might seem like a bad idea, but I understood what can happen in the world, and that if something does happen, it’s always better to tell someone about it, and then talk to the police about what happened. You don’t end up being a street smart young adult if you have been wrapped in cotton wool.
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My grandparents raised me and they did this to me. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. You should teach your daughter what people are not allowed to do to her, and explain she should come to you if anything like that ever happened. Maybe get to know the parents. And LET HER BE A NORMAL CHILD.
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Nothing has changed I am 66 and we were never allowed to do sleepovers. My parents always said we don’t know what goes on behind anyone’s doors but our own. Didn’t understand that until I became an adult and didn’t let mine do sleepovers either. Better safe then sorry.
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Just tell her you’d like to get to know them better. Invite them over for dinner or a BBQ. Have a game night with them. Who said you can’t ALL be friends. Teach her stranger danger and safety lessons on being at others homes. There may be YouTube helps on it. Look into parenting lessons. Or books that explain these things in stories. Go to the library and get her a card. Enjoy new adventures WITH your children and their friends and families. God bless y’all.
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Get to know the kids and the parents ! Why does no one make an effort with each other? At our schools, a lot of the parents have gotten to know each other, even go on nights out or pop round for a brew and batter regularly. The kids are all besties together and all have regular sleepovers at each other’s homes which is great. The families are great. You can not think so badly if everyone around your children for the whole of their childhoods. That’s not fair, on them or their friends. Not everyone is bad. Not everyone has abuse and pedophilia on their minds
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Why let her go anywhere without you? Keep her attached to your hip at all times until she is 18 years old. Never let her out of your sight for a second, and micromanage every little thing she does so she doesn’t get hurt. It’s the only way!
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I only allow my kids to stay where I know the parents. My kids know they can tell me absolutely anything. They are only 7 and 9 (the oldest 2) and I pray they continue to feel as though they can communicate with me. I also hope and pray my youngest 2 can do the same.
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Depends how old she is. If she’s old enough to understand I’d tell her exactly why.
If the other parents are ok with it, I’d offer sleepovers at your house. But give the kid freedom at home, so she wants sleepovers at home vs going out.
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How old is she? The main thing is to make the child comfortable with telling you anything and the will have your support no questions asked. I was a paranoid parent when my children were young. I allowed their friends to spend the night at our house but didn’t let the kids go to any sleep over except at family’s houses. Now that my children are grown they have told me they wish I would have let them go Stay at their friends houses. Being too paranoid can cause resentment but we as parents need to be cautious.
Abuse normally comes from INSIDE your "safe circle " not from sleepovers.
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I always meet the parents first
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Uhh… You get to know the parents. What the fu*kery 
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Depends on age? I tell my kids everything they need to know about stranger danger and more, shouldn’t matter the age. Find an appropriate way to talk to them about the dangers of going over to a house with adults that you/they don’t know and what to do in certain situations and make sure they know what to do in any kind of emergency
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Statistically she’s safer at her friends houses overnight than she would be with her cousins or grandparents. 
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Human Trafficking is a billion dollar industry and happens all around us …recruited online 40%…even recruited in high schools…saw a show on Tamron Hall today about it…we always have to be cautious…answer all their questions and teach safety and think safety…evil is real
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I never let my kids stay overnight with anyone I didn’t know. I felt that if my child was close enough to the friend that they wanted to stay the night then I should get to know the parents.
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Depends on age really. I wouldn’t tell a small child anything scary…just that I dont know the family well enough yet or I don’t think they are old enough yet. If they want more info you can explain from there and just stick to no, for now. You could offer it at your home…that way you get a chance to talk with the family a bit more too.
You can also start conversations about appropriate and inappropriate behaviour/ body boundaries/ being allowed to say no/ not keeping secrets etc.
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U ask her to get her friends mother’s number or some way to reach her so u can understand more about the parents … Then Maybe u will allow her to sleep over at her friend’s
Seriously?? I understand people have had trauma and stuff and I get that but seriously let your kid have a sleepover not everyone on this earth is a creep
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I would have sleep overs at my house so I knew what was going on
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Why not meet the child and parents than and honestly that’s hypocritical they can’t stay there but u expect their parent to be okay with their child at ur house
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Get to know her friends parents and trade numbers and addresses thats what my mom done when I was a kid. I get the world is much worse but u can’t just say everyone is a danger or bad ppl. U also don’t want to rob her of memories. U can be sure she has a cellphone on her also for emergencies and u can always call and check on her as well. Plus u can also research them background to see if they have anything on them as well. Also make sure she is aware of signs and knows what is not ok for someone else to do to her and that she can come to u about anything that happens. Ur not going to know her friends parents unless u take initiative and get to know them. When I was younger like I said my mom had to meet the parents know where they lived and have phone number and if they took me anywhere with them outside their house my mom had to know where I was going. My son has been asking to stay the night at friends house and ik his friends parents since the boys were 5 my son is 11. We took one of my sons friends with us to the county fair last month and I met his mom and spoke with her and traded numbers so she could reach us if she needed plus her son had his phone. We went from open until close so I made sure to let his mom know when we were leaving. When we dropped my sons friend off at home we walked him to his door and his parents had already went to bed according to his siblings so I made sure to message his mom next day letting her know when we dropped him off at home and that I walked him to the door to make sure he got inside safely. I also found out from my son recently that she is the school nurse for the middle/high school as well. Id be ok with my kids staying cuz I’ve gotten to know the parents. Another thing my mom also done when I was a kid was if I was scared, got sick or was uncomfortable and didn’t want to stay anymore that I would be allowed to call any time of night and she made sure my friends parents understood that as well they were ok with it why wouldn’t they be back then we didn’t have cellphones. U just don’t want her not to be able to be a kid and have fun creating memories or experiencing being able to stay with a friends. Trust me ull find that getting to know the friends parents will take alot of that stress and fear off the shoulders. Some ppl don’t think or worry about things like this which is why its best when u initiate getting to know them and ull find the parents fall right into line as well and will let uk what information u need to know so u can reach her. I mean parents usually don’t refuse to give other parents information because they would more than likely do the same thing and ask same questions for their kids and if they don’t for their kids then they still understand why ur asking. I teach my kids to watch their surroundings but I dont want them to just be afraid of everyone so when it comes to their friends parents I don’t teach them to be afraid automatically they just know what’s ok and not ok for other ppl to do but they know not to talk to strangers as in random people friends parents are ok to talk to as are their teachers and the school staff and drs only others are family and friends no one else we don’t know. They can communicate with register cashier when buying something at store because they are paying for their items so they have to talk somewhat and not be rude like saying thank u or have a good day or something just like they communicate at restaurants when they give order to waitress or ask for a refill. Its just teaching them what is ok and not ok for them to do as in who they talk to for ppl they don’t know when its those brief moments uk like those are ok but if a random person came up to them asking them questions about things or where they live or whatever then no not ok.
Incite her friends to sleepover over at your house
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I understand very.Well
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depends On how Old is she. My son got invited to a sleepover For the First time a few weeks back At age 9 Almost 10. I met the parents on the day Of the Sleepover Sometimes You just Have to let Ur guard down. I Knew My Son Would have the Best Time And I knew it was a opportunity I didn’t want him to miss out on. I was able to text the parents to check in aswell. I Also got a Feel of what the mother Was like by Texting her before the sleepover. turns out we both recognised Each other from the school Playground.
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I won’t let my kids sleep anywhere but where I am. I tell them straight out even if you think you know someone you don’t know what they’ll do with you alone. You also don’t know what they have in their home. Just be straight with her. Tell her you have to protect her even if she doesn’t understand. That’s why you’re here to guide her.
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You can explain to her your reasoning yet she still may not understand or agree. There are things we simply don’t understand as children and you just have to get older to grasp the concept of. At the end of the day, you’re the parent and it’s your choice. Just let her know that she isn’t the reason why she can’t go and that you trust her, it’s the other people you don’t trust.
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I think you’ll end up needing to meet her halfway, but in the meantime:
Just let her know that you’ve heard stories about trusting strangers that makes you nervous.
Be clear you aren’t accusing her friend’s family of anything, and it’s just that you are afriad something might happen and you wouldn’t forgive yourself if you didn’t do you best to keep her safe; just like how you always use seatbelts in the car, even though you don’t expect an accident.
I really do think you should investigate and try to trust at least a few other families; learning house rules and seeing different ways to run a household are valuable experiences that cannot be obtained any other way…
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My daughter has been allowed to stay at 1 friends house. I know the Mon, the people mom hangs out with and the people that live around her. My kids been allowed to go twice. She knows more than most kids about what can happen in different situations. I do not keep much from her. She knows how to react in many different situations. I would rather her know how harsh the world really is and still allow her a bit of normalcy
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U meet the parents before u leave the child - that should be a given
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Being a true crime fan, I totally support you in this.
Sleep overs are scary. I’d have to know the parents for longer then just meeting them at drop off. You truly never know and there’s been too many cases where children get hurt at sleepovers
I couldn’t do it
As far as then understanding. They probably won’t. Theres a lot we do as parents that they see as punishment when really it’s for their protection. They don’t have to understand right now.
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Your not alone. We don’t allow sleepovers either. Not at our house or theirs and not even with family.
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The dangers of sleepovers?? One of the most basic rules of parenting is to get to know the parents of ur kids friends
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Don’t be a lazy parent … get to know your daughters friends and their parents. Parenting network
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It is so sad the way things have gotten. One of the best times I had was having sleepovers with friends. And my parents didn’t know friends parents, and visa versa. But my parents knew how responsible my friends were. But I totally understand why it’s hard to allow it these days.
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If it’s something you don’t allow or like because I totally understand… Have them over to yours so your daughter don’t feel like she’s missing out!
Movie, popcorn, sleeping bags in the living room.
It’s an easier situation then trying to explain why.
If she went back to friends and said reasons if you told her maybe the parent/s would feel a little upset.
It’s a real struggle when trying to give them the best childhood without hurting them but it’s a really horrible world we live in sometimes.
Xx
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She doesn’t have to understand. Rules are rules. We are a no sleep over family. Safety first.
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Maybe some coffee dates with the parents so you get to know them?
I too… don’t allow sleep overs… I just said right from the start. No sleep overs. Bad things can happen I learned from experience… sorry. MY nerves cannot handle it.
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Tell her basic truths.
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I have let mine go to 1 home. And known them for over 5 yrs. I had there child in my daycare and they grew up together. Never someone I don’t know.
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Why not offer to have it at your house ? I loved sleepovers when I was little. I understand the dangerous because I did get sexually assaulted at a sleepover with someone we trusted VERY much. It ruined sleepovers for my mom because we knew this person and they still did what they did. But instead of telling me no she offered to have it in her house so she knew we were safe.
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I don’t understand what your scared of? Why can’t she stay the night at a friends house? How old is she? I’m confused
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As another lady said tell her SOME BASIC TRUTHS
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The truth is an appropriate reason. You can’t shield them from the world and not explain the dangers to them. You just have to say you can’t trust people you barely know. It isn’t that you don’t trust her but our world is full of predators!
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Mom I know it’s scary. Suggest a dinner date with her parents. Maybe a play date at homes. I know it old fashioned. But it’s called getting to know people.
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The worst part about the “scary part” is that statistically most offences are carried out by someone well known to the child (famiky member, close friend)
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l Get paid over $113 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $16357 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Don’t deny your child that part of growing up because of your trauma, don’t give your child your anxiety.
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My son was 4 or 5 when he had his first sleepover at a friend’s. But I also become good friends with the parents prior to this. Sometimes you just got to let your guard down for the kids to enjoy being kids. X
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Have the kids stay at yours first and get to know the family? Not all people are bad. Don’t let your child miss out
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I NEVER let my children sleep over at anyone house I didn’t know. Yes, I was that mom 37 years ago! In today’s world, I wouldn’t even think of it , it’s not being mean, it’s being safe. Depending on the age, I would explain and be honest in the best way .
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I tell my son because I’m that mom.over protective when it comes to things like that. Why? Because I am, it’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust other people. Your allowed to be annoyed with me on this. Why don’t we ask so-and-so if they want to sleep over here? And I’ll get a sense of how the friend is and then I’ll ask the parents if we can get a coffee. I will tell them the truth too bud that I’m the overprotective mom who likes to get to know parents before I allow my child there.
See I don’t care what people think. But I’d tell her without the people are bad. She doesn’t need to know that yet, and not everyone is bad… I found using what I said above works.
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The Checkmate program.
Awww 
I totally understand where you are coming from. I also understand the other side of things. Thats a hard one. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I lnow you love your child so much. I feel like you shouldn’t let fear take over but I know thats hard. There are other ways to solve the situation. Maybe get to know the parents really well first, get LOTS of details like where they will be sleeping, have the sleepovers at your house etc.
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How old is she? I would just explain it in an age appropriate way and be honest about the reasons it’s dangerous to spend the night with people.
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Get to know the parents of her friends.
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Your being paranoid.
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l Get paid over $113 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $16357 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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The only sleepovers my daughter is allowed, is with her cousins. I trust my brother and sister in law.
l Get paid over $113 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $16357 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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My 7 year old is begging and idk what to say either. There’s only one house she can go spend the night at that’s a friend. I know the parents and have known the dad since I was little. I’m trying to talk and stumbling on my words because it sounds bad but…
I don’t think your being paranoid. Everyday kids are hurt by friends and relatives. Can’t trust anyone anymore. Friends can stay here before she can go there.
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Scare her! Teach her the dangers and I wouldn’t sugar coat it. And then teach her to defend herself, teach her what to do if she finds herself in those scary situations AND teach her to be honest with you no matter what. Take that fear that you have and use it to mold your daughter(s) into a strong young woman.
There’s a lot of good in the world but there’s a lot of evil too.
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Sounds like scaring her to justify your fear is the only reasonable option. Logic would say that before giving her the no sleep over ultimatum, you make an effort to vet the friends’ parents and put in place a safety plan. For example, actually communicating with the parents and getting address/phone number/ and establishing an emergency contact/allergies list. Set up an in person play date so you can connect with the family and establish your comfort levels before the big overnight leap. Also are other children going to be there? Is it possible to reach out to their parents about their experience? You really need to be proactive and actually do the things that will help your child’s social and emotional development… and yes. I am a mom and I also work as a family advocate in elementary through high school grades.
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Get to know the people she wants to stay at and judge them for yourself.if something feels off,it probably is,sleepovers are part of geowing up and help out kids develop,social skills,deciaion making,independence,all sorts.i only let my daughter stay at certain peoples,am not saying send her anyones,but she may resent you when shes older for lack of experience qhen its something kids do
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If it’s your rule then that’s it. I don’t think you necessarily need to explain why. If she really wants to sleepover somewhere maybe start with people you know well. Get to know the parents of her friends better so that you feel more comfortable. Have the kids sleepover at your house first. Depending on how young she is I can understand the concern but I promise you that as they get older, sleepovers are not the problem.
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Tell her to watch the documentary the girl in the picture . Then she will understand your reasons to not let her to
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My youngest, I’ve always told him why I don’t let him just go off to friends houses. Especially ones that I don’t know. My one apartment, only one neighbor he was allowed to go inside their place. Because I was friends with her, and worked with her. And when he’d all why he couldn’t go to his friends. I would tell him why. I don’t know the parents that well or at all. And I don’t trust anyone, because not all are trust worthy. And that’s how kids get hurt.
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Scaring her may be necassary. Fear makes you cautious. Theres nothing wrong with a little fear in teaching a lesson. Id rather have my kid scared and knowledgable about something like this then scared during something bad happaning to her.
Have the sleepovers at your house. I wont allow sleepovers anywhere but my house after a neighbors 8 yr old daughter was sexually assaulted at a feiends sleepover by the friends sisters 16 yr old boyfriend.
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Teach her about the real world out there
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I completely understand this! And my 13 (14 next month) year old loves going to them. BUT… BUT… from the day they started school ANY and ALL friends that they become close to I MEET THEIR PARENTS and ALL ADULTS IN THE HOME!! I do my research on who the family is and who they “hang” with before my kids go over. Yes it’s a “full time job” but keeping my kids safe is more important! But just take it old school and meet the parents ask who’s all going and set up a meet and greet. I’ve done it! And will keep doing it till my children move out!
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My now 17 yr old never had sleep overs and we never had here at the house as well, one of her friends that always used to have sleepovers had for years with the girls group back there oh how my daughter would get so mad back then with me. until one night the girls 19 year old brother molested/raped one of my daughters friend that night of the sleep over when the girls were 12 at that time.
Also that family were super nice I knew the parents for years but you just won’t known. Sadly
Totally understand. I was SA by a family friend as a child. Do you have any personal experience that you can share with her? Just be honest with her.
And no wonder why all these kids have some kind of anxiety seriously look at the parents.
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You tell her the truth. The actual dangers aren’t going to change just because it may scare her. Our kids need to know that not all people are good people so that they can start being cautious and aware of signs!
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If you can’t except the world has dangers and where not gonna let her experience life you should not of had kids.
Christ. It’s a sleepover. If your so scared of the other home Mayne cps should be involved otherwise your over reacting like fucking hell
You tell her the truth !!! Period but also that’s part of childhood let her go . But always have those lines open for communication . Do a back ground check go to white pages look up their name if your that worried it’s like $10 a month unlimited use . Also look up sex offenders in your town .
Your the mom you do what you feel is best for your child even if that means upsetting her about the situation or making ends meet and letting her go. No one knows best for your child except you.
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