I say to mine we only have sleepovers at family only x
You need to calm down. Get to know the parents. Sleepovers are part of growing up.
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We live in a horrible world
Your doing right by your baby
I won’t let my baby stay off with people I don’t know either
And she know no one can touch you where your bathing suit touches.
Scare her anyway. That’s real life. It’s scary. Better to be scared than live with life long trauma
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How old is she?
Do you know these people?
My mom was like this. Her fear and all her traumas were passed on to me and I was miserable bc I was never allowed to do anything, with anyone.
Never, not once did I sleep over at any ones house. Ever!
Don’t do that to your kids.
Eta, she was so afraid of me being sexually molested at a friend’s house, and it didn’t happen at a friend’s house. It happened at an uncles house.
It was our own family.
So you can’t pass that fear along that everyone is out to hurt you in some way.
I constantly live in fear and I have the biggest trust issues. All HER issues
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Won’t let your kids to sleepovers to people you don’t know, but yet it’s the ones you know (family, family friends) that will surprise you when it comes to bad things!! You’re right we live in a horrible world, but teaching your kids not to trust anyone or be afraid, what are they living for? What do they have to look forward too. Are you not going to allow them to college if they want to go because then they would be in a room with a stranger and everyone at the college will be strangers. No you’re making them to scared to go to college by telling them “everyone” is dangerous! Meet the parents get to know one another, they are parents too, maybe they have concerns about you! Stop giving your kids anxiety, explain before they go what’s appropriate and what’s not. I’m sure they have a phone and they can call you if they need to!
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Suppose she’s not allowed to grow up and move out either, poor kid
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You teach your child “stranger danger” and “appropriate touch” in age appropriate terms you also teach her what to do and who to tell if any adult (or older child) makes her feel uncomfortable… Then you live your life… Its very simple 
You don’t need to scare children or keep them under lock and key to keep them safe if you educate them… Its not hard to keep in contact with a child these days as they all have phones or simply ask for the number of the parent she will be staying with and comunicate with them instead of spreading your anxiety onto your child 
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Sleepovers aren’t that dangerous at all. There are some possible risks, but it’s easy to educate her on those and let her have the sleepovers. Most who molest and rape children are family and trusted figures…usually the father /mother’s boyfriend.
never done sleepovers with either kids. Not that they are missing out on anything. One is an elite athlete. Who cares about sleepovers they are not worth the HYPE at any age.
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Maybe you should make it a point to met the other parents. We had tons of sleepover s.
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I waited until my daughter was old enough to call me if anything happened or at the very least lmk if she’s uncomfortable. It’s hard in today’s world to trust other people with your kids but I feel it’s an important part of them growing up. I always make sure I know the parents and talk to them a few times before planning anything. Then we start with a play date for a few hours and go from there. You could also get her a cheap in case of emergency phone so she can always get ahold of you and having a code word helps them not feel bad about saying something in front of people/their friends. If they tell you they want peanutbutter cups when you go shopping you could make an excuse for them as to why you have to come pick them up. Another reason I waited until she was older was so I could explain to her better and she would understand the dangers out in the world. If she’s young just tell her you’re not ready.
My kids never understood it when they were growing up. To them it was just moms stupid rule. Now that they are adults they completely understand.
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Put your daughter in self defense classes then allow her to go. I only say this from experience when my parents did everything to keep me from doing something me being stubborn I always found a way. My mom let me stay only if she had spoken to the mother a few times prior and this wad also the 90s.
Maybe start with having the sleepover at your house to get to know the girl better… put some trust in your daughter to know right from wrong.
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You’ve never talked to your child about kidnapping??? You’ve never talked with your children about someone touching them? Or sexual harassment or sexual molesters? If you don’t talk with your children about these things you are putting them in danger and at risk!!!
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How old is your child
I know it might sound crazy but my daughter is 9 and she watches crime shows with me every now and then. When I find an episode I think she should watch we watch it together. We have a safe word just in case she ever feels uncomfortable. She may never need to use it, i don’t let my kids out of my sight, but if she does she knows what to do.
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Tell her the truth and why you’re worried. I was raised in CO/police family and I was so thankful for my parents honesty about how dangerous the world can be. I know what to look for and when something isn’t right. My kids are young and I don’t do sleepovers and with play dates I make sure they’re at my house or I’m present for them. There’s no harm in making sure she’s safe!
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Just be sure she knows “people don’t tell you to keep secrets” and “people should not touch you anywhere unless you say they can” and “you have to tell mommy EVERYTHING!”
How old is she? Have a talk with her
Somebody please fill me in on the “dangers” of sleepovers? Smh
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Smdh this is omg crazy… my dad didn’t know my friends or most of the parents but he trusted me and let me go… cut the cord…
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How old is she? Reach out to them and get to know them 
My kids have a safe phrase if they’re feeling weird about the situation they can text me and I make sure they always have their phone charged and mine up.
You can’t live in fear. Be cautious, yes! But let her live and be a kid.
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If your child is 8-10 or older then just tell her. I’ve told my 7yr old why I don’t allow sleepovers myself & she knows there’s bad people out there & we never know who they are.
Age of child is a big thing. Meet the parents exchange phone numbers get your child a way to contact you when they are not with you. We have kids at my house all the time but I also allow my kids to go to their friends houses…they are older teens now as long as they can contact me and I can contact them. It is scary but I have to trust that I did my job as a parent and taught them how to be away from me and what to expect from this world.
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I wouldn’t necessarily tell her it’s dangerous you don’t want her thinking her friends parents who allow sleepovers are putting their kids in dangerous situations like they don’t care about them. Just talk to her about how you feel and say why you don’t want her to have sleepovers. Tell her yes some parents allow them and that’s fine but right now you donr feel comfortable with her going.
Information is power, truth matters for kids, dont need to doom and gloom it but honesty is important if you want her to know the why behind your choice.
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It’s important to know the parents and who lives in the household. I understand the fear of all of this, but at the same time if your child is old enough to understand the dangers of SOME human beings, then she is probably old enough to sleep over at a household you feel comfortable w her going to.
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My kids are 19, 17 and 12. The two oldest ones have been to cub and scout camps and they two girls have both gone to sleep overs and had sleep overs here.
There’s a difference between being protective and going too far - there’s even some that put extreme fear of theirs into their children, which isn’t fair.
Take steps… get to know your children’s friends. Get to know their parents. Let them have access to mobiles to be able to contact you if needed.
And if people continue to stop children doing things - because the parent is too fearful… a child can rebel and become resentful. Not EVERYTHING has to be feared.
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I allow my kids to have sleepovers but with only one or two people I trust. If I don’t know the parents and family well then it’s a no. I’m very selective with who I allow my kids to hang out with and who they are allowed sleepovers with.
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It really depends on her age and maturity. If you are uncomfortable with her going, then allow her to have a sleepover. Send an invitation to be given to the parents with your address, phone number and who will be present to monitor the children. Provide a portion for rsvp that the parent provides you with their permission and their contact information. Once you get to know her friends, where they live and contact information, maybe you will feel more comfortable with her going. Explain your concerns to her in the meantime.
I went through that with my girls.
Your kids are more likely to be hurt by a relative than a stranger. Let the girl have a damn childhood!
Get to know her friends’ parents.
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Just explain it to her. Depending on her age, they understand. My 10 year old fully understands why I don’t let her. She has recently had a few friends stay over which is fine if their parents are comfortable with it but I’m just not, but to be fair I work corrections and see the worst in people so it really makes it hard to trust even the nicest of people.
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Just say no she can’t go. It’s your rules for her own safety. You don’t need to explain yourself much. Just put it down firm it’s no. Its hard explaining because they don’t know how cruel the world really is 
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Try meeting the parents & becoming friends. You can’t just block people out.
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My mom never let me stay the night at someone’s house unless they knew both the kid and the parents
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Shadowing your child in your fear is just going to hinder them. Danger can happen at any given moment. Grocery shopping, playing in the backyard, going to school, even in your own home.
Get to know the parents, equip your child with as much knowledge as you can, and give your child a method to contact help if necessary.
The world is a scary place but you’ll only hold your kid back if you constantly keep them sheltered.
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Mine is 8 and I’m the same way
How old is she and at some point your going to have to trust her!! I have 7 kids!!! 4 daughters and 3 sons and now we have 6 grandkids 4 granddaughters and two grandsons
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My mom was very scared for me to go to sleep overs, 'you don’t know what the dad could do or you do not know if the brother might try and do something and what if the mom encourages you and you think it’s alright but it’s not, they probably use the daughter to lure other kids in so no you can not go.? -My mom when I was 9 to growing up. (I slept over at 2 peoples houses when i waa 13 growing up that wasn’t family members and I was fine but my mom did go to the point to see both parents and their kids and what kind of neighborhood we would be in and what the plans was for the rest of the time and to call her if we were leaving and when we came back and have the numbers of the parents.) I don’t blame my mom because she was trying to protect me in her own way and I wish she would have done it a different way but at least she warned me.
I was terrified to be around guys after that first talk. Try not to scare her but tell her to be cautious because looks can be deceiving
Get to know the parents and then let her enjoy a sleepover. Such a fun experience of childhood!
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Why don’t you meet the parents ? Spend time time with them invite them over for coffee and a “play date “ or whatever the teenagers use now. By getting it know the parents you may make some new friends while getting the security you need to be comfortable with her growing up and sleepovers are a part of Thanh
Your fears can potentially hinder your daughter to lash out later in life by restricting her.
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Why can’t you meet them. And get to know them? You’re stopping her from enjoying life. I understand that you can’t trust some. But you know nothing about them. And already labeled them dangerous. Reach out and get to know them.
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If you’re that concerned, meet the parents, don’t cast judgment and cause your kid to fear literally every adult. Because guess what? Your kid SHOULD be able to trust her friends parents. I am beyond grateful for having multiple sets of parents I could/ can still go to for problems and advice.
Not having adults you trust (outside of you/ family) is just as dangerous. What happen if your not there, and they need someone to run to? Your kid finding independence away from you is important. Your kid being able to develop non familial relationships is important.
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We don’t allow sleep overs either. You aren’t alone, do not let anyone on this thread make you feel like you are doing too much.
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Get to know the parents and kids. If these are your daughters friends and she wants to sleepover then step out of your comfort zone and get ti know them. Then you won’t have so many fears about her staying with them
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I’d just explain it to her. At 9 my brother and I were aware there are bad people out there or people who do bad things. My mom wouldn’t let me stay the night unless she had met every adult that lived in the house, been inside their house, had all of the parents/adults contact numbers, work numbers etc.
High school I couldn’t go out with friends unless she met their parents, them, had everyone’s phone numbers, DL numbers, License plate numbers, parents phone(home, work and if they had a cell) and their address.
I get it’s a safety concern but, you have got to explain it to your kid simply and plainly. You’re job is to keep her safe. In order to keep her safe you have to meet the parents, talk with them, have their info etc. when asked why, well you need to build trust with the parents to know that they will also keep her safe. Not everyone out their has her best interest or safety in mind. If she’s ever overheard the news, or is on any social media that concept isnt going to be difficult to explain. The bad news and dangers are ALL over the news and social medias.
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Get to know the parents or host sleepovers at your house.
Invite the kid she wants to spend the night with to your house.
Explain what can happen if she goes to the friends house, tell her what to do in the event something does happen, give her a phone to call you if she feels in danger or if something happens. Let her go but only for one night at a time.
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You have to live she won’t understand meet the parents. Talk to other parents. It’s good for kids to see andspend time with different families too.
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OK so I read an article a few months back and it makes perfect sense, About when children are sleeping that is when they are most vulnerable, ( Completely make sense cause my middle could sleep through a tornado no doubt) So when I read that article I made the decision right then and there sleepovers were no longer Is going to be an option, If you really think about it You don’t know a parent could put Sedation or sleep Medication in your child’s drink Or food before bed like you don’t know there are so many scary situations and scenarios it’s just not worth me putting my children in a position like that, That’s just my choice in my decision and I’m not trying to sway anyone else just make the best informed choice that you can,
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I don’t think she’ll truly understand until she’s older - you can be as honest as you can but they’re still kids… they don’t know all the dark corners of the world and how it can be yet
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My kids did not have sleep overs period unless it was at my house until 12 or so. By then they were old enough to explain the dangers and why I was always ok with the madness here but wary of others. Those who got no protection as a kid tend to be justifiably protective demons about OUR kids
I always meet with the parents first
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It can happen In your own home or relatives homes too. Sleepovers are part of being a kid. Just explain the importance of her being able to go to you. Sheltering won’t help
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Yep just take away a kids childhood. Dont let her make any memories with her friends. Just because you’re scared. Might as well not go to the park in case she falls down. Don’t go swimming cus she might drown!
GROW UP. There’s danger everywhere you can’t protect your kids from everything.
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Tell her you have to meet them first set up like a day play date
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Maybe try to start getting to know your kids friends parents. Sleep overs are a very fun thing for kids. I get the world is scary but dang. Im sad for your kid a lil bit.
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Have the sleepovers at your place… and be honest, this is why I don’t want you to go places I don’t know… kids should be scared of some things.
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I don’t think that’s possible because sometimes the truth of things ARE scary. Perhaps she can do a sleep under and stay and hang out until later then you pick her up before bed or offer to host one at your house?
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I didn’t start staying at friend’s houses until I was 15.
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How old is she? And hey mom. Get these parents phone numbers and go meet them. No parent would ever hold anything against another parent for wanting to get to know them, so their kid can stay there. This is on you. Not your kiddo. Yeah. Lots of freaks out there. And I think you will find that other parents are just as protective as you are. Give your kiddo a cell phone for when she is at a friends house. She can FaceTime you goodnight. The first one is the hardest. Let you kiddo spread her wings a tad. Or she is gonna jump off that cliff when she is an adult and not know how to fly….
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walking a fine line…it’s so hard trying to find a way to educate our kids on safety without putting our own fears on them. sleepovers were always at our house. i’d rather be safe then sorry for life. but getting to know her friends parent’s would be a start.
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How old is she ? My daughter only stays with my mom or my dad. She’s tried her cousins before but always wants to come home which is totally fine. We don’t stay the night with people outside of family either probably until 12/13
You can’t. Choose her friends or have them to your house. 
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Age appropriately explain it. We don’t do sleep overs either
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how old is she?
honestly, anything can happen anywhere by anybody.
maybe get to know her friend’s parents? if i haven’t met mom or dad, my kids don’t go 
. luckily a good bit of their friends are kids of parents i grew up with & was friends with growing up.
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You can host, or I don’t know-- make friends with the parents. Don’t stunt your kid’s growth out of your own fear. Be an adult.
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Sleepovers are part of childhood. How can anyone take that away from their children? I started Sleepovers around 8. My kids, same age. Get to know the parent(s). If you shelter your kid from everything, they aren’t going to know how to handle dangerous situations. I feel sorry for all the parents out there that are so scared of the world. Don’t rub your fear off on your kids. They deserve to make memories and have fun too.
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Everybody saying she should just get to know the parents… do you know how this works? You can know them all you want, it doesn’t mean that they’re isn’t still some hidden demon inside of their home. 
Many abusers are charming and well rounded people, on the outside.
Stick to your guns and just be age-appropriately honest.
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Tell her the truth. There are things in this world that are scary and they need to know about them. Coddling and being overprotective will not prepare your child to be a successful adult.
Age appropriate.
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My daughter by her own choice would not sleep any where other then home until she she was about 10… and even then it was only a select few places. Meet the parents. Get her a cell phone, tell her her to text you if she feels uncomfortable. Then you call her and act like she forgot to do a chore and she needs to come home right away because she lost the privilege to stay over… do NOT impose your fears onto her… but teach her what’s ok and not ok. And by all means… weather she sleeps at the friends house or not… get to know her friends parents. She doesn’t need to spend the night for something to happen. Don’t ruin childhood memories for your child.
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What specifically scares you? Maybe you could meet the other family and feel better? One of my kids cannot do sleepovers due to medical needs… I have to monitor her all night… I truly am terrified of her sleeping anywhere besides her grandma’s… but in her case, she could die. For my other kids… they need to have the fun and the freedom!
My kids wont do sleep overs besides a select few people that i know idk them. Idk how they run their house and monsters have the best disguise.
You are being overprotective. You need to let up on the reigns a bit. Meet the families. Did you go to sleepovers?
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Depends on how old she is, if at an age where she can somewhat understand I’d tell her the truth. I have told my about to be 9 year old daughter & my oldest son has known since then also that there are bad people in this world, some that do very bad things (as in kidnap, or hurt kids*didnt go into detail on what that could mean though yet) I had some bad things happen to me as a child, so some may think I’m overprotective but I don’t as bad things happen all the time… even some family members can’t be trusted. But I allow my children’s friends to come over to our house or have a sleep over here as I don’t even allow my 11 year old son outside in our fenced in yard by himself… I just simply don’t trust people as you never know someone’s true intentions. Children that can understand should know the truth of there being bad people in this world, but also know there are still some good people as well… but you just never know. My kids never sleep over anyone’s house unless it’s my mom’s house, they never go to friends house unless me or my husband (their father) is also there with them
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Why haven’t u met the other parents u act so worried???do ur job as her mother…
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You need to get to know the parents that’s what I do n I use to have the same fears because of a bad childhood once I got comfortable with the parents then the kids could stay with said family
Well for one I think you should stop being so afraid of it. Don’t send her to places you don’t know the parents for one, and idk why anyone would but I don’t see why you want to make her scared of staying at a sleepover. All kids should get to experience a fun filled sleepover with friends. Seems very strange to me you won’t even consider it and are making it sound like shes jumping out of am airplane.
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Why are you pushing your fears onto your child. Let her have sleepovers
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Just watch what you tell her because she can say something to that child and that child can say something to the parents of a sort of something you didn’t even say then it’s just a big mess.
I tell my kids the truth the world is a scary place and I’m trying to protect them. But I also grew up not being protected so my ways might be too much for some. But I want them to be aware because that’s how they can protect themselves when I’m not around.
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Why don’t you get to know her friends parents? Then allow her to do sleepovers or host the sleep over yourself.
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I’m pretty blunt with my kids. They need to know that life isn’t a fairy tale & how/why they can’t trust everyone.
Get over your fears. You’re hindering her from living, and yourself for that matter.
Go to counseling, heal. Take time to get to know her friends parents.
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My kids are only allowed to sleep over at 2 peoples home that are friends. Only people I trust. I’d just see if her friends could sleep over at your house.
Mines only 5 but I’ve decided no sleep overs either. I remember what I did during sleep overs and we’re not repeating history over here. She can have her friends sleep here but she will not sleep out.
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I tel my kids you play all day and most the night there is no reason to stay the night
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For one it’s not dangerous, projecting your fear onto her is actually not healthy. I guess my one question is what is so dangerous about her going to a sleep over
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My kids go to sleepovers and they are still good and alive. Let her enjoy sleepovers with friends.
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We only do sleepovers with families we know very well. If I am not friends with or know the parents more than a passing “hi” they aren’t going.
You tell her the truth. Do not sugar code it any way! Don’t lie or go around the truth. That is exactly how I told my daughter.
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I would meet the family then make my decision
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My daughter is young and I have been preparing her from an early age. I simply told her that my job is to keep her safe and I cannot do that if she is somewhere else at a sleepover. She doesn’t like it but she understands.
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Obviously the ones saying “it’s not dangerous you are being toxic blah blah blah” thank god nobody ever raped or molested you as a kid…. It is dangerous letting your kid stay at a friends! Even if you’ve met the parents a few times…. Still scary. I’m with the original poster…. My daughter is 8 and just started asking for sleepovers and I just tell her straight up no you can’t sleep there because I don’t know their parents and for all I know they could be weirdos. And I say they can stay here or we can go meet at the park to play. Till she is older, with a phone and fully understanding of why and what sexual assault is I refuse to just send her off and hope no creeps are in that home.
Seams too common of an occurrence to just “get over it and get therapy” to me it’s about just protecting my babies.
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I’ve always told my kids we have to meet the kid and their parents first. Of course as they got older I just tell them to share their location on their phone with me. They’re 17 & 20 now.
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I tell my kids that they can’t have sleepovers with anybody I don’t know, but their friends can come to our house to spend the night.
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