Help! My fiancé and I have been together for about 6 years now. We both have children from a previous relationship but none together. All various ages from 6 up to 15. No matter what I seem to do I cannot form any kind of relationship with these kids. They just seem like they hate me. To top it off they are very mouthy and disrespectful towards me. It never stops. Regardless of what we do it doesn’t phase the behavior. They are also quite mean to my children. It’s just so much to handle. I’m not even sure what to do anymore. It’s the same thing over and over. All the kids are now picking up on the poor behavior. Especially that of the 15 year old girl. What should I do?
72 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get my fiances kids to like me? - Mamas Uncut
Sounds like a disaster.
4 Likes
Go to family counseling
3 Likes
I’m sorry but I’d leave. I wouldn’t even have wasted that long. Disrespect to me I’d probably brush off and be like well love you anyway but towards my kids …nope!
9 Likes
Family councilling asap
2 Likes
Six years…that’s a long time for no relationship to be built so I would go with counseling
3 Likes
Your fiancé should definitely talk to their children about respecting adults, first off. They’re allowed to not like the situation. But disrespect and toxic behaviors are not acceptable.
7 Likes
You can’t make them like you they have a right to dislike someone like we all do, I would suggest your husband takes his kids to counseling to find out the issue they have with you
4 Likes
Counselor
Is the mom saying stuff putting stuff in there heads?
What’s dad say
8 Likes
I would have to leave.
4 Likes
You can’t make them like you, but they should definitely be taught respect and discipline. Maybe a sit down “family meeting” and possibly some counseling.
4 Likes
If they don’t like you after six years… They never will… just be kind.
7 Likes
They either want him to go back to their mother or they want all the attention. Fifteen is generally an obnoxious age at best.
Their dad needs to stand up to them over their disrespect to you.
8 Likes
If one of the kids is 6 and been together 6 years and the child doesn’t like you, must be outside influence, because how could a baby to 6 year old not like someone? Just my thoughts.
If the kids are older, maybe they just can’t accept that their dad isn’t with their mom anymore
2 Likes
Try to have a one on one day. Get to know eachother on a personal level instead of a step parent level. Ask them what they like to do and then take to do that, have fun and maybe consider doing it with all the children one at a time every so often
1 Like
I’d put my foot down so hard the house would shake! No respect would mean walking out the door! You deserve to be treated better!!
3 Likes
They dont “have to” like you just because you married their dad. I’m sorry but kids dont have the development to process things the way adults do.
With out any back story its hard to really expect a magic solution to make them like you tho
They never will if they don’t like you after this long and they honestly don’t have to…
1 Like
Clearly your fiancé allows this behavior! He really needs to step in and try to help fix the situation, especially if you plan on getting married!
9 Likes
It may be you 
sorry but a lot of kids are smart and can pick up on adults quick
4 Likes
He needs to set boundaries or it’s hopeless
2 Likes
Talk to fiance first tell him what u just said. If that doesnt help go to councilling. If that doesnt help Id call it quits…
3 Likes
they would die if you moved to a hotel like your done with them
1 Like
Why doesn’t dad step in…
…so many of these stories are so one-sided…either your in or your out, or you work together to make it work.
3 Likes
They don’t have to like you but should show respect. That is where their parent should step in. If it hasn’t been done in 6 years don’t expect it now.
5 Likes
Disrespect should not be tolerated. By you, or dad. Or them mistreating eachother or your children. Consequences for poor actions.
1 Like
Have you tried family counciling? Find a counsellor that will let the parents and kids both express themselves equally or it won’t work… But good luck with any 15 year old!
Sit down and talk with them see if they are willing to tell you what’s going on and if not then tell them you don’t give a shit about them liking you but they will respect or this or that will happen but make sure your fiancé is there to back you before during and after 
if not bail
I wouldn’t put up with them being mean to my kids.
2 Likes
Note that she said ‘regardless of what WE do’ so it sounds like both of them have tried not just her.
2 Likes
The saying “ You can tell who dislikes you by how their kids treat you” might be the issue. So if the mom bad mouths you and your kids then that could be the issue… If you have a good relationship with the mom then I’d have the conversation with her see if she can help. It is a tough battle but if you’ve done all you can just pray about it and hopefully in the future they can grow to love, respect and appreciate you.
4 Likes
The 15 yr old - doesn’t matter if they like you or not. Hell, plenty of 15 yr olds don’t like their own FT, bio parents. At the very least, they need to respect you. If being yourself hasn’t worked for however many years you’ve been trying, nothing will. And if they’re mistreating your children, you really need to get your priorities in order.
1 Like
Honey don’t sweat it an nothing you do will change how they feel you could buy them everything or give them everything an it would still be no ! Been there done that !
2 Likes
Don’t marry him. Honestly, if he isn’t at least requiring that they treat you with respect after 6 years, it is not going to get better, and his kids will be in the picture forever.
3 Likes
Dad should be stepping in for sure
4 Likes
Why would you stay in and subject your children to this?
6 Likes
Do you have any kind of relationship with their Mom? If she’s a decent human be her friend, then you can tell her when the kids hurt your feelings. Ask her if the 15 yr old is going through a hard time and ask what you can do to support her from your end. Again if she’s a decent person who’s willing to coparent your kids will thrive.
1 Like
They have to like you on their own. It’s not something you can force. Do you get along with their mother? That could have something to do with it. If she doesn’t like you and openly voices it in front of them, than their way of being loyal to her, is by projecting those feelings towards you. It could also be that they wish their parents had gotten back together and blame you for it not happening. They may resent the fact that they don’t see their father as much as they’d like. They might resent your kids because they live in the same house as their father. As a child of divorce myself, a million scenerios about my parents would pop into my head. There were times that I resented my step parents and wished my parents got back together. There were also times that I resented my younger brother, because he got to live with my Dad, but I didn’t. Being a child of separation or divorce isn’t easy. The kid’s are usually hurt and don’t necessarily know how to channel those emotions. It often comes out in the most unpleasant ways. This could also be a defense mechanism for them. It’s possible that they’re putting up a wall, so they don’t get attatched and hurt if your relationship with their father doesn’t work put. That’s actually kind of what I did. I wasn’t disrespectful to my step parents, but I didn’t allow myself to get as close to them as I could, or should have.
1 Like
Where is the father. Let him stand up to his own children period. To let them disrespect is an awful form of bad behavior on him
6 Likes
You don’t need to stay with him
2 Likes
I would have a stern talk with their father about their disrespect of you. He is their father and it is his job to discipline. Not yours. Although the 2 of you can certainly talk in private about their behavior. They will only dislike you more if you try to change their behavior. The fact that your children are mimicking their behavior makes it even worse. Try to plan their favorite meals when you can or a small gift. “Hey, I was shopping and saw this and thought you might like it” You get the drift? If their Mother hates you…it’s a tough battle. Especially if you were the reason that they broke up. Buy them Mother’s day and Birthday cards to give to their mother… Eventually if you treat them with Love and understanding they will come around. They may feel that being nice to you is disloyal to their. Mother.
2 Likes
No matter how you care about him your kids are more important. Sounds like his kids work hard to make you and yours miserable. You can’t stay with a man who tolerates his kids to disrespect you and treat your kids bad… your bags should have already been packed… or his and gone .
2 Likes
The daddy needs to handle his kids. When they are disrespectful to you, tell them to stop. What you allow, they will continue.
You can not force a kid to like you regardless of their age but disrespect you and mistreating you and your kids is a big NO for me, your husband should step up and have a serious conversation with them , if they don’t change they should not be welcome in your place plain and simple
4 Likes
I get it! I really do. Talk to your lady before ever approaching her children.
I think nothing you can do will change. Kids tend to blame their step parents no matter what situation (usually) they want parents back together, their family is separated and they subconsciously think it’s your fault. Don’t try, set rules boundaries, protect the kids. If bullying continues talk to all kids together, or have a meeting with everyone, all adults and kids.
Leave …bye bye time to go …the “boyfriend” should teach his kids to respect you …yeah …no thank you. it’s hard enough being a mom nevermind being disrespected by children that are not even yours …their behavior will be followed by your children …STOP now before it gets worse …you are worthy of respect …maybe they are copying their father
6 Likes
Seek counseling and make decisions for the betterment of all involved
You can’t make them like you. But have you had a chat to your partner and a sit down with all your children combine ? 1 to acknowledge feelings and 2 set some ground rules. Also is your partner on good terms with his kids mum ? Maybe you could include her in the conversation ? If they all see that you’re getting on and all want the same goal, it might mend some fences. 6 years is a long time to be putting up with disrespect and bad behaviours towards yourself and your children though.
Idk maybe put your kids first and leave???
9 Likes
They are mean to your kids and you are still with him!?!? Not acceptable!! Kids before any guy!!
13 Likes
What have the children’s therapists suggested?
Stop babying the kids and whoop some ass! It’s sad we have more fear of our children then they have of us!
And before you all start trying to shame me. Atleast my kids aren’t disrespectful little assholes to me or the siblings
6 years later and he doesn’t have any control of his own kids…sad.
6 Likes
I would leave this situation if he wont try to make better for you. He should expect better from them.
3 Likes
6 yrs later and you are still there do you have a marriage date set ,if not he dosent seem like he is going to get married ,just use you to help raise his disrespectful kids
9 Likes
I had same problem with my step son but we were close when I first met him when he was 6 and he’s now 17… it did get better … he was a hard kid to be around and has ADHD but I was part of the problem and it took me a while to figure that out… I resented him for the way his mom acted towards us and he use to be mean to my daughter but that stopped when they got older … we had many problems but we are cool now but he lives with his grandparents my husbands mom and step dad . His mom moved to another state years ago and she wasn’t the best mom to him … so he has / had anger problems! Trust me I know what your dealing with ! I have 2 sons to his dad and I think he was jealous of them as well… I hope it gets better for you ! Your husband needs to have your back !
1 Like
Talk to their dad, because he needs to have them talk with sime respect. You’re not trying to be their mother, but they need to be respectful if they want it back from you and your kids, or it is going to be a problem. Your children is your responsibility and they will not talk shxt to me or mines
2 Likes
Why don’t they like you? You need to start there tbh.
1 Like
Leave.
Why tf are you putting up with this? It’s one thing (and still NOT OK) to put up with disrespect towards you… but your kids? That’s a big F NO from me
5 Likes
You and your kids are a package deal !!
1 Like
Break up not worth the drama
5 Likes
I would not let her come over till she can be good your husband can see her at a park or not for a while till she can be nice
1 Like
Kids act what they see… Someone else does not like you or talking trash to you. simple… I have the same issue. And mine are 18 to 9
Is there a reason they have animosity towards you ??
Therapy will help. I also would assume it’s their mom behind anything. Kids often have a hard time when they’re parent split to like anyone else.
2 Likes
Wow
Well while the parent can’t make them like the step parent - they should always be made to at least respect - the other parent.
I would not allow for that to happen.
U and ur fiancé need to have a talk amongst ur selves FIRST.
This needs to be a 50/50 team effort from BOTH of you.
All- of the kids should see and know that U two are always on the same page and are unbreakabke.
Then- sit all the kids down at once and go over any and all changes and rules. He needs to address them and what they’re doing and tell them it will stop or there will be punishments / consequences.
He may have to make his kids mad for a bit but it’s the right thing to do - HE- needs to make them be respectful.
And not mean to your kids.
That’s also not fair to ur kids as well.
I would not make my kids go thru something like that just so I could be with someone.
This is toxic and the behavior needs to be stopped immediately.
7 Likes
If the boyfriend can’t protect your children from his (meaning set them straight) then how is he ever going to protect them from anyone else? Talk with the boyfriend, if that don’t work leave… your children don’t need to be bullied by anyone…
6 Likes
Get or have support from your husband if he didn’t allow it they wouldn’t disrespect even if they disliked you! Be mean back they make you uncomfortable so don’t be abusive or anything but give them the same blank attention back
4 Likes
So where is their Dad in all of this,sat them all down discuss it openly,He needs to stand with you or you are done, they want Daddy back and Control, if nothing else have pastor or therapist work with all of them they will hate that and maybe bond
3 Likes
It’s time to split. Don’t put your children through this. No man is worth the turmoil they or their children put your children through. You have no idea how this damages your children. Your children should be your main purpose. Be their for THEM. Put NO ONE before them. You can do this.
5 Likes
Family counseling to see what the issue is and ask counselor about how to work through.
1 Like
Why are you still with him? Doesn’t he do anything to stop his children from hurting yours? Tell him goodbye.
5 Likes
You should’ve never got engaged
1 Like
Take your kids and get away from this man and his kids. If he lets his kids be disrespectful to you you are showing your own kids that it’s ok by staying with him. You and your kids deserve better .
3 Likes
I wasn’t very nice to my step mom at one point and my father very firmly told me what was expected of me in terms of respect to her as an adult. I learned that day respect isn’t just for people you like. My father also enforced the fact that I had to show respect. Regardless of my mom’s feelings in the situation I started respecting my step mom more so I didn’t disrespect my father. That is what helped me in my hateful stages… I did not want to hurt my dad’s feelings being a jerk.
5 Likes
Family & individual counseling for y’all. Get discipline strategies & ways to deal. Give the kids as much control over decisions that affect them as possible. Ask them what they would do in your position, what consequences they, or someone else should have for their behavior. See family meeting info below.
Set house rules and post them. Decide the rules together in family counseling so therapist can moderate and make suggestions. Have rewards for adhering to them & consequences for disobeying them. Be specific. “Respect each other: no bad-mouthing, no touching anyone or anyone else’s possessions without their permission.” “If you are angry: hit a pillow, take a walk, do jumping jacks, concentrate on something else until you have calmed down. Think of a solution to what happened and approach person/s calmly with an adult present if it’s an incident.” If it’s emotional, talk with a trusted adult: (step) mom, (step) dad, counselor/therapist, other adult family member.”
Set up a chore chart. Include desired behavior like going to bed without fussing or pleasantly contributing to conversation at dinner, or keeping voices down with no yelling.
Introduce stress-reducing activities. Tai Chi Ch’ih is easy to learn, you keep moving so no fidgeting, and it only takes 30 minutes.
Bring up interesting topics at meals like, what do you think happened to the dinosaurs? What does it mean to be responsible? How could we end war? How do you know if someone is trustworthy? How can you tell when someone is lying? How do you check if something is factual? How do you tell the difference between objective reporting and opinion? What are things kids can to do to stay safe? What do you think happens when you die? What are fun ways to get exercise? Might be helpful to pass an object so only the person with the object gets to speak. Have pencils and paper if people need to write things down until it’s their turn to talk. No interrupting. This could be every night or once a week for Sunday dinner, or every night that’s not overly hectic and full of activities.
Or do theme nights when everyone has to tell a joke or read a poem, or teach everyone something simple, like how to say a word in another language or a fun fact, or briefly tell about someone famous.
Do individual and family fun stuff. Water parks, go-kart racing, laser tag, have a dance party where everyone can pick a song or two to play (radio edit—no bad words/lyrics), do puzzles, hit the zoo, get various coloring books & color together, take each kid to a performance they would like, from a concert or magician in a park to a big rock star to a high school play, to a local ballet to the latest movie to a sports game from high school to pro.
Get the older kids out of their comfort zone. Get them to learn a new sport or martial art or musical instrument. Have them do something safely “dangerous” like go zip lining, to a shooting range, hit some golf balls, go on a mission trip or volunteer with the homeless or World Central Kitchen, send them on a supervised trip someplace different, a working farm, building Habitat for Humanity houses, disaster clean up, touring a big city near or far, or overseas.
Have individuals or teams in charge of making dinner one night a week or month. Put one kid in charge of all laundry, bathroom scrubbing, vacuuming, checking fluid levels on the car every so often (rotate responsibilities) so they all grow up knowing how to do all household tasks to take care of themselves when they’re on their own.
Have family meetings weekly to air grievances. Come with ideas for how you want things to change including at least one solution/suggestion. Only one person talks at a time. Someone else paraphrases what they said to be sure it was understood correctly. If not, initiator clarifies. Then all work together to figure out what will work, what can be done instead or if no solution/compromise can be found, table it u til the next meeting while everyone thinks about it in the meantime. Everyone gets an equal voice. Got a problem? It goes on the agenda & no discussion until then. The youngest talk first as their attention span is the shortest.
YOU learn to exert positive power and take charge without yelling. Find your inner badass. Learn how to be firm and hold the line without caving. Even if they never like you, they should respect you and be civil to you and each other. Have a family meeting where you discuss what respect, courtesy, civility mean and how they’re demonstrated.
Talk less, listen more.
1 Like
Have you ever tried just talking to them? Just asking them flat out if there is something that you are doing that makes them not like you?
Throw them all away and start over…your kids dont need to be bullied.
2 Likes
6 years is 6 years to many! Does you fiancé witness this behavior towards you and your children? No child is going to disrespect me and not get called on it!! In 6 years if your fiancé has put a stop to it he never will! I would ask him to leave! If he wouldn’t then I would. Your kids deserve more than this. They need to come first!!
5 Likes
Tell him to send the kids back to their mother and if they dont behave well and be kind and respectful then they arent allowed to come to your home. Else tell him goodbye and find a better man.
3 Likes
I would sit down with your fiancé and tell him that if things with the children dont change, including him stepping up and putting his children in line, than I would consider post posing the wedding. Do not get married until this is fixed because divorce is so much more difficult to have to deal with than leaving would be now. Make sure you are ready to sign that legal contract before you do it. Im sorry your going through this. I hope for the best for you and your family.
2 Likes
Disrespectful behavior of the lowest form…
This is a cherry red flag!!
Run for the hills, as fast as you can! Whilst your sanity is intact 
2 Likes
Sort it with dad asap or your own children will question why you allow them to be bullied and dont stand up for them and could affect your relationship with your children going forward, they will think they come bottom of the list behind yr bloke and his children
1 Like
Your first obligation is your own children. This is not a healthy environment. Don’t ever choose someone else over your own children, which is what you are doing if you choose to stay in an unhealthy situation because you love him or because of the time that you have invested. The long term impact on your children of this unhealthy situation will have negative life altering effects on your children.
8 Likes
Mum is bad mouthing you. Be the bigger person and go the extra mile for them and when they are rude put your foot down
I think trying family counseling and individual counseling would be beneficial before you throw away the whole relationship
It’s more likely they are being encouraged in this behaviour, perhaps the mum
Your 6 years in. Unfortunately that’s how it is there’s no snap of the finger sometimes it gets worse from here when your kids become adults and 6 years down the rd they let you know how that was for them 
how they were treated when you weren’t looking.
3 Likes
Being mean to your children would be the big fat nopes from me. Your fiancé needs to get his children in check or you need to protect your kids.
4 Likes
Good luck hugs kno how it is
Were you a homewrecker? You never said which one of you has the 6 year old but you have been together 6 years. Just asking cuz if you were the reason he left their mom, those kids will probably never like you.
4 Likes
Red flag. Call it off. Your kids come first. You have to protect them. I had a relationship like that. It was miserable for my kids. Call it off.
3 Likes
Personally I’d leave. If my children are at risk I’m leaving. He’s obviously not finding it serious enough to do anything about and your kids should be your first priority. Leave him.
3 Likes
Wow some of these comments, his children are probably having issues and already feeling like they are treated differently than her children. Everyone on here saying her children must come first above his and saying to send his kids back to their mother how is that not a double standard? So her children should come first and he should kick his out?? Make it make sense? If you can not put all the children first and make them all feel equal DO NOT get in a relationship with someone who already has kids.
5 Likes
leave the relationship bc if ur fiancee doesnt handle this there is no way to get to the bottom of it and if he lets his kids talk to you like this he will let anyone disrespect you
3 Likes