Then he can wash his own dishes,do his own laundry and pick up after himself. If he wants to be sassy he can do it all himself. You’re not his maid.
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Fuck that. It’s his home, his kids, partly his mess. He can pick his shit up or get out.
Would he rather you not work so all the financial responsibilities falls on him…he can’t have it both ways so he should just help you out dont let it go until he helps.
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just sorta seems to me, more is expected of the woman. We had 3 children & I always worked. For 10 yrs, I drove 22 miles to work, came home cooked a full meal,not a sandwich or hamburger, I cooked a full meal as if home all day, I cleaned the kitchen, I was the one to clean house, laundry, etc & grocery shopping. Now, my husband never cooked, (probably, could not boil water) he worked construction, very hot, tiring job. Yes, at times, I did not feel it was fair & my nerves got bent out of shape sometimes. Then, I did get out & help cut grass. Now, in all fairness, our children were not close In age. 5 years difference between each. Sounds like you are In The stage I was mentally…several times. Doubt you will ever get him to help with housework, cooking, laundry, etc. if he did, probably would not suit you the way he did it. My dear husband passed away 5 years and 7 months ago. Just give anything if he were here, even just to talk to me. I wish you lots of luck. I know some men cook, etc. mine was not. R
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No ,you are not overreacting.He need to help you.l been there. It is overwhelming. Good luck.
Hire some to help couple hrs a week
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Stop cleaning his stuff and baking his dinner
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Stop doing his laundry and picking up his things. Easy. I make a pile/bag/baskets of my husband’s junk & place it on his side of the bed if it’s in my way.
He’s needs tla reality check. You have 3 kids it’s not about whose job it is it’s about whose family it is. Honestly he wont change you will have the same struggle always. Don’t do any of his cleaning and if he ever pays for any chores to be done you pay for cleaner and a Nanny. Start making him spend one full day on the weekend with the kids and make yourself take that as a breather to get ready for a new week. It won’t change but atleast you can have a break. He doesn’t get to have every afternoon and weekends to do whatever he likes if that’s what he wanted he shouldn’t of made a family with you. This is what it takes to have 3 kids get used to it. No excuses, no sleeping, nothing he chose this life with you he doesn’t get to say my job is done. It’s not you aren’t just a worker you are a father and partner. It’s not fair. It’s not right. And damn sure isn’t kind.
Maybe my man is different but when It comes to cleaning if I ask him he just won’t do it so I don’t ask, I tell him. Instead of “can you wash the dishes” I say “you can wash dishes or clean the baby”. Also tell him some days your partner needs you. Mine understands that and so do I. Some days it’s 50/50 some days one of us needs to pick up 80/20 bc the other needs us to. Just keep talking to him and make him understand in whatever words he gets.
Nah, no overreacting detected. My husband was the middle of 4 boys their mom did EVERYTHING for them. I wish mothers would teach their sons accountability. Being in a family means we all work together to get daily stuff done. No comparing who does more and who does less. It isn’t a competition between who tries harder. We all need to help 100%. Tell him if he doesn’t pitch in then he has to pay for help.
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Sounds like some little boy mess to me. Let him know one more time how you feel. If it doesnt change then don’t do anything for him and leave the kids in his care for the day.
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No you’re not. Maybe it’s time for him to do his own laundry, cooking, and dishes.
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Wait, I’m confused… you said you work 8-12 hours a day, but you stay at home with the kids? Which one is it?
Leave the dishes for him if you cook. If you wash, he folds. You both created this union. You both have to work. You both share the chores. Period. End of discussion. Inside work for women, outside for men is archaic and is from the 50’s. If any clothes on the floor, do not wash or pick up. If they run out, tough love! Kids or grown ups can do chores to help!
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Not overreacting at all! Marriage 50-50!! All these posts I see from all y’all mamas talking about their husbands this way I feel so sad/bad for y’all. I would have to tell him PEACE OUT! Or if you don’t want to end your marriage which I understand then start NOT doing stuff. Don’t do HIS laundry, don’t clean up HIS dishes etc. Marriage should be 50-50 when it comes to almost anything. My dad always worked all day sometimes all night too and always helped my mom w the house and us 5 kids. And I’ve hit the husband jackpot b/c mine is the same way. He works all day long hours and will still come home and cut the grass, cook dinner, change diapers, put the kids to bed.
Girl you need to make him understand or find someone who will 
Nope not over reacting. My hubby cooks (certain meals that he knows how), does the dishes, sweeps, vacuums, laundry etc. And he works full time along with myself and plays with the kids etc. Plus he finds some small time to do things he likes as well. There’s room for them to help you! There his kids too…
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Guess you should stop washing his clothes and cooking him dinner lol
Most men will learn pretty quickly that they need to help.
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Guess I’m lucky cause my husband cleans the house if I cook he does the dishes, I do the yard work cause I love mowing he hates it that’s my peace time. He keeps our house spotless all the time. You can even eat off the floor of his work garage he keeps it as clean.
Ask him how many breaks he legally gets when working, and you dont get any. When kids are down take a long break tell him his kids too and he has to help out or simply take an evening and leave him to cook for him and the kids and take yourself out for a meal and quiet. I am on your side
Ummmm he lives there with you too? So yes he should help too especially if you help with the outside stuff too. Does he help with the kids, cuz that should also be happening, he made them too.
I agree that he should help but it sounds like he isn’t listening or understanding what you go through. I would suggest marriage counseling because sometimes it takes a third party to get spouses to communicate effectively. You also deserve some time for yourself.
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It may be hard to re-work the household arrangements if this is typically how you’ve handled all the chores for the entirely of your marriage. People do get set in their ways. Maybe like other have said - leave his laundry, dishes, trash etc to the side for a few weeks ha ha. Best of luck!
During “working hours” you do the dishes (from the in-home child care) and clean up any messes the children make. During “non-work hours” housework/your children’s needs are split 50/50. He can do a load of laundry or wash the dinner dishes while you put the kids to bed
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Girl you tell me and we will both know… I haven’t figured out how either
Not over reacting. Me and my husband split the workload mostly. Ask him if he feels his work day is over then when is yours? There is a separation of what’s dirtied while the daycare is running and after. Same with stay at home moms. Being a homemaker/ stay at home mom is 24 hours a day so even a “working” husband should be contributing to the house hold work load.
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Stop sucking him off he will soon start helping 
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If you don’t clean anything he will get tired of doing it and pick up the slack. His job isn’t over once he clock’s out, he’s got a job at home too. Raising kids and maintaining a household is a job itself… if you slack, he will pick it up. If he don’t listen, show him you’re not playin around and you need the help.
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My husband finishes work before me and collects the kids, comes back home and we share cooking dinner.
If there is washing to be done either me or him do it.
I do most of the cleaning and he does most of the outside work. But we share the work it is a partnership.
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He should start doing his own laundry and other stuff for himself. Concentrate on you and the kids. I hate selfish people.
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It made an impact on my other half when I started making lists of daily chores that need to be done and taping them to the fridge. He would say things like, when do you have time to watch a movie with me? My answer…when my list of chores is done. Do you want to go for a motorcycle ride? Sure, after I finish my chores. Pretty soon, he started asking what was left on my list. Now he does things on the list without being asked. He just did not realize how many things I was quietly taking care of. The toilet never needed cleaning when he looked at it and the floors never needed sweeping when he got home and the sheets were always clean when he got in the bed.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/how-can-i-get-my-husband-to-help-me-around-the-house/11287
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Its not gonna hurt him to help, start leaving his stuff for him to do. His mess, his laundry, I won’t get my husband’s plates off the table, if I can get mine, he can get his. But I do a bit of spoiling every now and then
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If he’s not willing to help, hire someone to come in and clean a couple of days a week. My late husband was delighted with that, because we both worked. His work was close by so he would get home early for our daughter. I commuted about an hour each way, but it helped knowing he was home with her. If your husband is not willing to help out, you may want to make sure they are his children too!
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I went through the same thing. We are all conditioned on females doing the home and men making the money.But now woman work and expected to do everything else and it’s not good for women. I told my husband I had to get a housekeeper so I could relax a little more on the weekend thinking he would jump up and help.He didn’t so I hired a girl for every other Friday. It actually worked out well. So men do have a choice they just need to know what the choices are. Having 2 weekends a month where I didn’t feel I was always behind the 8 ball made us both better people with each other. I am so happy he understood.
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They just don’t get it I have not been able to walk very well after a fall my husband is retired and is going everything right now because I can’t he asked me the other day how did I keep up with it all. I told him I worked from sun up to sun down and sometimes longer. He said he was sorry now he knows it was hard
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No you are not overreacting. Stop doing his laundry and dishes. And one day on a weekend take a day off and leave him with the kids for the whole day.
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Then they complain about no sex in their life. Their wives don’t respond to their needs. Well if they weren’t so stupid they would understand that for women, giving the kids a bath, washing dishes, doing a load of laundry, cooking dinner, just picking up what is around the house, putting on some slow relaxing music and drawing a bath for their wife to spend a minute alone, it is the best fore play they have going for them. But they’re to into their own selfishness to understand what their wife needs are.
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Raised three boys, all in their late 30s and 40s…they all cook and clean…and they know how to shop…I have three very happy daughters in law…
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Time to go on strike. Stop making his meals & doing his laundry. Also don’t do anything around the house you don’t need to do for your daycare. One last thing, no matter how young your children are, they need chores. My kids at 1 year olds had chores. They would empty the little bathroom trash cans.
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Stop doing his laundry, cooking for him, tell him you don’t have time to clean up his mess. And stop helping outside. It’s mean hey might work 
. My husband has always helped around the house and care for our kids. Good luck
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I would not clean anything but daycare related items. When he comes home and the kids have been. Bathed and fed. He can have a sandwich on a paper plate. Stock up on the paper goods. Let him get down to his last pair of underwear and socks. He goes to the Laundry room and his items are in the basket to be washed!!’
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EVERYONE who lives in a house is responsible for the upkeep of the house. He dirties dishes and laundry, too, he should help. Period.
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Even before my late dad became disabled, tho a jerk in many ways, he still would do inside house stuff, as well as, guide my 4 brothers, on the outside chores ., while my mom worked FT. All my brother’s knew how to cook & clean. When I got married , I was 19 & hubby 18. I told him 2 things. I wouldn’t live with or marry a smoker . ( My mom just died at age 48 from it ). And, I wasn’t his maid or his mom. Kids or no kids, me working outside the home, or not. We’ve been married 39 years now.
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Leave HIS crap for him to do! You may be his wife, but you aren’t his maid! If y’all both work the load should be split at home. Also, if he won’t help you around the house don’t help him outside. Sometimes tit-for-tat is a good way to learn a lesson
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My hubby was brought up doing everything. He even at 5 years old had white gloves inspection.
To this day he helps me with everything
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Stop doing his laundry, cooking his meals, and cleaning his messes. It doesn’t matter he works and does the outside chores. A partnership only works if the two of you work together which means he helps out. Nothing should only be left up to you or him, you’re a team and needs to act like it.
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I think with how much you are doing around there and working you deserve to hire some help. Even if it’s just a deep cleaning every other week to help you it would be totally worth it. House cleaning isn’t as expensive as most think it is. Best of luck
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No both indoors and outdoors should be shared. I’d stop doing his laundry. People don’t realize as mom we have more than one job, we just don’t get paid for it. Good luck
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House work is a share work. Who said because you get married all the work fall on the wife. That’s why I’m still single. I’ll never pick up after a man again!
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I know the feeling… but be creative with meals. Get him to grill stuff for supper. Make casseroles the can be reheated. Ask him to do you a favor. It’s all in how you ask. No whining or comparing jobs.
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You are not over reacting! I’d be tempted to not wash his clothes or feed him for a week - ny his reasoning that would be only fair.
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Take care of yourself and your kids stop doing his laundry and only cook for you and your kids if he asked where is his tell him your job is done for the day and he can cook for himself and do his own laundry and what doesn’t get done cleaning wise oh well your day is done
Make a list of all the daily jobs that have to be accomplished to keep the household running. This can include whatever you do to pay the bills. Leave nothing out. Then initial the stuff you do one you’ve done it. Sometimes they need to see it.
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My mom told me when I first got married. If your hubby makes the bed, but not to your standards, do not remake bed or complain bc it will be the last time he makes the bed.
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Hire a local high school or college student a few hours a day. My cleaning crew comes once every 3 weeks $173 so worth it lifts my spirits too.
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As an older woman .who has been married…a few times
he probably isn’t going to change…the only person that can makes changes is you…so you have to decide. What you will and won’t do…
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Stop doing his dishes laundry, cooking his food, etc.
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Being a nightshift nurse with kids. I got to the point of frustration. No one would help and I was too exhausted to clean etc. So I hired a cleaner once a fortnight
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Cry in your closet. He will be like “omg, what is happening? I had no idea you were this upset!” If that doesn’t work, tell him he has to go somewhere else for a little while (not permanently) because you need time by yourself to think and reassess your life and your WORTH. Hopefully one or both of those will scare him, or set him, straight.
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All I can say is y’all better get into marriage counseling now before it’s too late. He obviously doesn’t respect you or all that you do, it’s probably the way he was raised and he just doesn’t understand or know better. If this goes on for too long you’ll start resenting him and then one day you’ll wake up and be done and no amount of counseling or change will change your mind.
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No. Most women do the the bulk of housework even if housework is “shared”. I wish you luck !
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Oh man sounds like he doesn’t appreciate you like you deserve. I feel your pian. My husband and sons 13&17 just expect me to do everything on the inside. I’m over it but because I can stand messes or things not getting cleaned up I do it myself. Most days it’s more stressful asking for help. God help us mom’s that just keep doing for everyone but themselves. Hopefully it gets better.
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Me and my husband work 12 hour shifts and he still does his bit around the house and outside to think he’s just looking for a mum to do everything for him I wouldn’t do anymore for him he stays in the house to so he should be helping
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I always wonder why couples don’t discuss this topic before they get married. I would first start by sharing this post with him, because you did a good job of stressing your point. Next I would follow that by telling him we need to talk.
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My husband works does dishes, laundry and i cook he even goes grocery shopping but i am disabled but i try to do as much as i can i have a wonderful husband not once has he complained about doing the yard work or walking the dog
My husband works between 12-16 hour days, I don’t ask for any help during those days. But on his days off, he always helps, whatever I need, whether it be helping with cooking dinner( which we do together) or helping clean up. To us it’s a sign of love and respect… My husband will also do his own laundry, I could go on. I’m very lucky.
Funny this exact situation happened in our house today. I had surgery on Tuesday and I’m Still recovering. I asked if husband, who only works 4 days a week could unload, reload the dishwasher and tidy up bit. His response was it was messy before you went in. I lost my $hit on him. Once I’m healed meals are prepared for only my son and I, he can live in the spare room, cook his own meals and adhere to a weekly chore schedule. He wants to live Like roommates have at it…divorce me live happily ever after. I’m not your maid, employee, mother I’m your wife the mother of your child grow up or get out!
- Get your home a dishwasher. Dishes takes far too long to clean. If you count how many times you standing washing up glasses and small dishes and pots after dinner lunch and breakfast that’s a full time job itself. Also free up time to spend with each other
- Get a reliable char in once a week to help on the days you have daycare. That money you pay for someone else to clean for the day is soooooo worth your sanity. It’s also a treat for once to come home to a clean house without lifting a finger.
- Take a break and go on a vacation alone. It seems you suffering from burn out. It has to be without the kids I think you need alone time to gain back your sanity. Even if it’s just a day or a weekend.
- When u come back new rule if the house if you cook someone’s gotta clean dishes. If you cleaning the house and doing laundry someone’s gotta cook. If u enjoy gardening do it together. Else if he doesnt agree then dont do his laundry and dont cook for him.
You need help too looking after kids and home is a fulltime job you both contribute to the finances in the home. So you both should benefit from having a clean home
You’re not overreacting! Sounds like he’s set in his ways. sometimes I hire help and clean with them a few hours so it’s cleaned fast. Good luck.
Start by trying this one thing. When you want him to do something like take out the trash, just as an example, DO NIT say COULD you take out the trash. Instead say WOULD you take out the trash. Subtle but this is the psychology. COULD is subtly implying your questioning his ability to do it. WOULD is letting him know he is capable of doing it and that you need his help. Could=demand implying he is not capable Would=request implying you know he is capable and willing
Don’t help him with his stuff and you two need to do date nights.
First, stop saying he’s “helping you”. The house and kids are his too. Start just listing what needs to be done. "Kids need help with homework before I get home, please put the chicken in the oven, please drive child to sports etc, please start the laundry, swap the clothes to dryer, stop at grocery store on way home, call the plumber etc. You are in this together, if he doesn’t want to be then he can be out. Don’t threaten or yell or be angry. Just let him know what needs to be done that day and what things on the list you can do and what’s left for him. Negotiate, “I can grab kids if you get dinner in the oven or I’ll start dinner if you can pick up kids after sports etc”. Start small and change the way you react, hire a cleaning person if you need to 1x a month even. Good luck!
My husband does dishes when I cook. If he cooks I do the dishes. We both do laundry. He helps because his won’t get done otherwise. Need to let him now your a team not just a maid.
Since he can’t help, let him invest in gadgets like a washing machine, dish washer, pressure cookers.
Prepare some sauces in advance and freeze, like boiled feef, beans, peas, meal time would just require you to fry and dinner is ready
No you arent over reacting. But if you are feeling overwhelmed, perhaps you need to cut some of your longer hour kids or hire a helping hand.
When it comes to house there is no such Animal as this is your job this is mine. It should be an OUR. If thats not the case maybe you two didnt talk about life after marriage.
Yard work is hard work. I know. But so is house work. As my husband says he doesnt want my job. Dont blame him. I would think hard on that help. Day Care is hard.
Wow we all think so differently. Most women do way more than anyone. I don’t know if there are any women that like to serve. I do. I enjoy it though sometimes I’m bone tired I love spoiling my family . Maybe it’s the way I was brought up or maybe I love housework. Weird I know but it’s true. If I’m tired I sing while folding laundry.
Stop doing his laundry, he’ll eventually run out of clean clothes. Feed yourself & the kids before he gets home, tell him he’s on his own for dinner.
Hire help! My DIL has a friend come in and she pays her to clean her house. She also has a day care out of her house. If your husband doesn’t like it tell him to start pitching in!
We agreed when we first got together that when he cooks, I clean the kitchen.
When I cook, he cleans the kitchen.
He likes to do laundry.
I like to mow the lawn.
Just stop being so dependable. If things are out of order try to grin and bear it.
When he mentions it tell him he’s welcome to bend his back.
I personally think you asking is mistake number one. He has let you know he doesnt really respect you so just stop taking care of him. Stop dusting. or vacuuming. Maybe laundry is late. When he asks, just tell him I dont have enough energy. Because, trust me, if you keep your pace up you wont have energy in a few years. and if he cant show respect and appreciation for all you do, you soon wont care if is happy or not. And the more he ignores your pleas for help, the more you will ignore his needs at bedtime. Not out of punishment or anger, but out of feeling rejected, disrespected, and exhaustion.
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No your not overreacting stop doing that because I did the same and today i look older than him and suffer with pain because I did everything in and outside when he got home from work everingthing plus kids done so stop and let him help when you are older and pains he will push you away
He’s even helping at all u r still complaining. U better b careful b4 u bring out d beast in him n moreover all men r nt same. If possible get a help who comes ones or twice a week to do d cleaning n washing
Don’t do his. Don’t make his. Laundry, dishes, ironing, cooking, nada. He can take care of his, while you take care of you, your kids, and your day job.
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Don’t do his dishes and his clothes leave them on the side for him to do. He says that the mess that is made is made from you and your business so his dishes and clothes are his mess and if hes not going to help u out then leave those for him since that is his mess. Also if your helping him with the outside chores stop doing it. Let him do it himself.
Simply stop washing his clothes and dishes. When dinner is ready give him his dirty dishes and say we’ll ya didn’t wash after yourself so… when he doesn’t have clean clothes sooo
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I moved out to my cabin on the river! He has his house and I have mine! I’m not his mother or his babysitter.
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I’m completely baffled as to why any woman still feels the need to convince a husband to work as a teammate. It’s not the 50s anymore ladies. Come on!!
Clean up after you and your children only, do only you and the kids laundry. Cook for you and the kids. When he complains tell him “I’ve done my job”. Oh take sex off the table cause you’re just exhausted. NOW YOU CAN NEGOTIATE!!
It doesn’t bother me if my husband doesn’t help around the house. He does all the outside work
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My husband also tends to not want to do anything “chore” wise after the kids are to bed and he’s finished his work day. We just came up with a new rule for the both of us. We each do 1 chose before we go to bed no matter if we worked or not. Folding a basket of laundry, sweeping the floor, dishes, cat litter, etc whatever it is we just each have to complete 1 task. We both work fulltime jobs outside the home so it’s hard to stay on top of everything. This has helped stay on top of it and feel like it’s not all my responsibility.
Me I stopped doing his laundry. I cook for the kids and myself. If he was hungry make our own. We had 9 kids. I worked PT he really didn’t work.
Stop helping him outside, stop cooking for him…just cook for you and kids, stop doing his laundry. Cooking, laundry and outside work is all on him. I was married to the same type of man. I went on strike. He changed his tune really quick!!!
This right here was the fight in my house constantly only different is we have 5 kids of our own. He worked 8 hours I worked 16 to 18 as my job is never done. Well 1 day I fractured my ankel so bad that I was couch bound for 2 months. He had to take a lay off as I was our child care I was the one that brought more to the table in expendable income so he ran the dayhome for 1 and half months as he couldn’t make the full 2 months.
Now to this day he feels awful when I work all day as he does and he has to come home unwind, relax and cool down
As he does work out in the heat and thanks to him we are all lucky enough to have A/C God only knows I would never have spent that much lol.
But when he is not like that he makes an effort to do extras around the house to help me out because people can honestly only take so much.
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Coming from a fellow in-home child care provider, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Our job is not only physically demanding, its mentally as well. I feel your pain. I created a chore chart for my own children which has changed my life drastically. My husband works long hours during the week, I work long hours, plus bartend Friday nights and work at my husband job every other Saturday - it being all on me is not an option. Thankfully my husband is very supportive and it is a team effort on everything. I would have a long conversation with your husband like a heart to heart on how this is affecting you and how he can help, etc. If you want you can always message me.
No not if you are contributing to the household let him do his own laundry and fix his meal then he can clean up his own mess
He needs to share responsibility. Don’t do his laundry for a week. Outside your job description. It’s his mess. Snacking give paper plates to him. Plastic cups so he can help…kids can help small jobs. Garbage. Picking up garbage from lawn.No TV the until you both can enjoy it
In our family, we all help out! We have 2 boys 11 and 13, they have lots of chores! It gives them a sense of responsibilities and teaches life lessons. I work 45 hours a week and my husband runs a small Carpentry business. He is the main cook in our house and when we need to clean, we all work together. I run errands, as does my husband. It all evens out. We are a team. If you have children, start giving them chores. Loading and uploading the dishwasher or washing and drying dishes. Cleaning their own room. Nobody in a family ends their day when they get home from work. A woman’s day never ends no longer applies to today’s society. Nobody’s day ends. There is always more to do. Balance things between your whole family and if he refuses then look deep inside and make sure this is the right man for you. Life is short. It is not meant to be all work and no play. You got this girl!
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Good luck! I’ve never been able too… and the kids take after him too. As much as I’ve tried…
See if he can at least do his own laundry. My husband does and he washes his own dishes. It is not alot but it helps alot.