Why not just hire a part time help to clean and eliminate your frustration? Perhaps when he sees the bill for the part time help he will be more inclined to pitch in. If not, its worth your peace of mind to not have to ask, and perhaps give yourself time to relax in bubbles, or go for a massage!
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I’d leave his dishes, laundry and whatever else and when he asks why I didn’t do his, I’d simply say “I already did my laundry and dishes.” I’m Petty though.
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You didn’t discuss these issues before marriage and before having kids? When you get tired of being his mother teach him how to load the dish washer and use the washing machine!
Nope , if that was my partner’s attitude I would not be doing his dishes, washing his clothes, cooking his dinner or anything for him , my answer would be “I didn’t give birth to you your a big boy now you do it “ he want to act like a child treat him like one , he will soon see just how much you do just for him and he will realise and then maybe appreciate you more xxx
Stop doing his laundry and cleaning up after him. I did this to my husband bc I was in same situation. Once I stopped doing his laundry and cleaning after him he started to help me more.
Instead of helping him you do your job. Buy a dishwasher. Paper plates etc. The washer does the washing. All you do is put in dryer, fold and put away. You did not say what his regular job 8 hrs what he is doing. You have to your share but keeping children can cause you more work meal plan etc.
You can change your mindset…hire a person to clean mon wed and fri for 2 hours each day…pay 15hr…make a list of things to do…make sure you do not get into conversations with her…show her the list have her check off as she goes. If she finishes and still has time…let her help you with kids. Don’t pay her till end of week.
Stop the cleaning and all that stuff stop fixing dinner just make sure the kids are feed stop washing his clothes, just wash ur and the kids
I went on strike for two weeks, put a note on the door to enter at own risk momma was on strike. Didn’t do any good I just had to work harder to clean up.mess…
Leave all his stuff… Don’t wash his pots, cook his food, do his dishes and don’t helo with the outside stuff. It’ll either be a wake up call for him… or consider if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that
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No you are not over re acting.He lives there also and if he helped make the mess then he should help clean it up. 50-50. I work 40 plus hrs a week and we work together around the house. If he doesn’t want to help then stop doing his dishes and laundry. Hopefully he will get the hint.
This is a partnership, you have your work, as a Stay at Home Mum, maintaining a home and looking after your kids, your Partner has his responsibilities of the outside work that bring the finance into the house, that pays all the bills. Perhaps, gain more routine and structure in your household chores, that will afford you less stress, certainly Monday to Friday, you both could concentrate on your individual duties, however weekends BOTH of you are responsible for household chores and children! Just try to get on top of everything if you can, kids grow up, you will master it all, you will have more free time, to pursue your hobbies and even a career!! Think of it as a partnership, you guys all working together, in pursuit of a good life for your family! Goodluck and stay safe
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I never get why men think that once they get married they no longer have to do household things. They cooked and cleaned and did laundry when single. Do they magically forget how once married? No way would I tolerate that. I work outside the home too but I get the Lion’s share of the childcare plus do our finances and the hauling to sports and stuff. I carry the mental load for our household so damn right my hubby can help with chores.
My friends ushally message and ask me if they can borrow mine tho some men start to jump on and others don’t care bc they don’t hace to do it. Like seriously hanging a shelf or looking at the value bc its got a broke belt… men step up! Confront him and tell him .
Your right. An i know how you feel my husband just takes the garbage out. Oh but he works six days a week
You are not overreacting! Many if not most women, find ourselves in this position due to deeply ingrained cultural conditioning. Stop doing his laundry. Stop helping outside. You and the kids eat cornflakes, Ramen, or PBJ’s for dinner for a while. When he asks for a real dinner tell him your arrangement is “not working for you”. Don’t explain or get into a discussion. You have already asked him for help and he failed that one. Keep it up till he gives in.
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Start outsourcing things. Pay for someone to come and clean. Get a meal plan. Use paper plates and disposable silverware. Even send all thr laundry out for a couple of weeks. Hire a babysitter and go out alone a couple of times in those weeks. Add it all up and show him what you are worth. Partners who devalue the cost of your labor are the worst. When my spouse wouldn’t help me with dishes or supper, I started cooking just frozen meals, meal plan meals and making sandwiches. Wouldn’t help with laundry so I stopped doing his. He got the message.
You can always just throw out the whole husband.
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Linda Bailey’s idea is best. Otherwise, go on strike for a while, including no sex for him for a while, too. Get some batteries if desired … 
He is still in the teenager mode, and needs to grow up.
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Stop doing his laundry. Stop helping with outside work.
Once a week hire someone to help you deep clean.
Once a week hire a babysitter for your children and go enjoy “me time”.
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When you both work full time jobs, both should help with inside and kids. Maybe take a day or two off by yourself and let him have all. When you get back talk to him
Its not alot to ask. My hubby helps even after a 10-12 hour day. All i ask is he rinse his lunch containers
your not over reacting, you work hard and we all need help sometimes, maybe if you are stretched to far and feeling burnt I know it hurts but maybe you could hire some light help once or twice a week to help, see if you can find a teen that is looking to make just a little with some light folding laundry or dishes, look give yourself a break youll never change your husband and someday he will look back and wish he would have helped some and looked at it differently. Or you could just ask him to be you for 24 hours then see if he is more willing to step up a bit lol
Lmk what you figure out. I gave up at 25 yrs.
Let’s just say my husband and I help each other as much as possible. I do love cooking but he’s better at doing some chores and he’d rather do it even if they are inside chores.
I had the same thing with my narcissistic husband. Leave him. He’ll then be doing his own cooking and cleaning, plus he’ll have the kids from time to time to do everything for,
He no doubt gets holidays ftom work so plan a few days away but just you let him have kids fir a few days he’ll realise what it like for you then just might be the shock he needs and you’ll get some time to yourself
Your a team, hubby and I are similar but if im getting frustrated and need help I speak up and he’ll help with what I ask him to do.
Are you doing the day care thing for money or just because you like it? Maybe downsize and make your working days shorter. If he complains about having less money, tell him if he works 8 hours you do the same and not 10 or 12.
Stop cooking and washing his clothes. When your 8-12 is over don’t add 6more hour to it! Get a bath and how to bed.
Do not listen to these people saying leave the mess or break up smh 
just hire a house cleaner and meal prep. This why divorce rate so damn high no one knows how to problem solve 
Does he work a paid job some where? If so, how many hours does he work, plus commuting time? That factors into the total picture.
If he works a paid job & you benefit from the income . . .
I think the issue that should be looked at is not laundry & cooking (if the money he earns benefits you), but the EXTENDED HOURS YOU MUST WORK.
Do you rest during the day, have recreation with the kids? Then subtract some of that from your “over-time.”
Now, how much over-time do you put in from the time he gets home (figuring his coming straight home).
After subtracting rest & recreation during the day from your over-time, there are still ___ hours you put in doing ___, ___, ____. ____. Divide the time & tasks in half. You get half, he gets half.
No, you are not over reacting, but you need to tell him why you need the help and explain he lives in the house as well and if he was not raised to help it may be difficult to get him to help. Talk to him and explain your feelings
Many of these suggestions are impractical. If they had money for vacations and hired help she would not be
running a daycare.
You are not his mother…what did he do before he met you? Tell him to do that. You may have to let things slide/get messy…and stop helping outside, that’s his responsibility according to him. And then… TALK.
Stop saying “ help me” he should not be helping, it is joint responsibility. He needs to do his share. That macho mentality does not apply anymore. I lived that life many years ago, resentment builds up, becomes a cold relationship, marriage fails. Now at age 75 my ex tells me he wishes he had listened. My feelings turned indifferent many years ago.
If I asked and it still wasn’t being done, then the only person to eat would be me. I do the cooking/house stuff but when I was sick or if I just ask, he has helped.
Well if his reasoning is you made the mess clean it then he can do his own laundry and dishes. I would make a nice dirty dish basket of just his dishes. That is if he is unreasonable about it.
No you aren’t over reacting. If he wore your shoes for a half day , he’d change his tune. My spouse is retired and helps when he can.
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honestly, i never asked my husband to help me. he just started on his own one day…i always praise him for helping and then he was doing more for me…he is awesome and i am very lucky!
Do you need the income from your daycare? If not- give it up & focus on your family & their needs for now & you will be able to get some rest! 6 children are a lot to take care of for 8 hours a day which means you are exhausted by the time you need to care for your family! He is looking at it old fashioned- mine & your not ours!
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Maybe the hiring someone is out of financial reach …but I agree stop picking up after him. Give him his own chore list.
Just hide the beers untill the jobs done 
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Get a house cleaner and maybe your children should help if they can.
Hire a service that comes in two or three times a week.
If he complains about the cost, he can pitch in.
Hire a cleaning service and tell him you will. Angel it as soon as he starts chipping in. You both get off work at the same time then everything else that needs doing is half up to him.
You help each other to become a better team player .When your weak , he is strong vice versa .Don’t get caught up in who does what…if he wants to make your family better, he will help
Then “technically” stop washing his dishes…and “technically” stop washing his clothes. You didn’t wear his clothes and make them dirty and you didn’t force him to eat off a plate or out of a bowl…nor did you force him to drink anything. Maybe if you only take care of your own “mess” bor a while, he MIGHT figure it out.
Stop doing his dishes And laundry. Stop preparing his meals. My guess is he will become willing to help.
Here’s a different perspective…maybe someday he won’t be there and you will wish with all your heart that he was there to cook for, clean up after. Count your blessings, not his flaws!
Don’t do his laundry or his dishes and don’t help with the outside work. Don’t cook dinners that take a lot of time. It took that plus me not replacing toilet paper when he used it all and no towels for his many showers. I am now retired and sell on marketplace because our 14 year old is on the autism spectrum. He now helps load the dishwasher and helps with dinner cleanup, puts up his clothes, sweeps and cleans the bathroom. It did no good to talk but when he had to set in the bathroom and wait 20 minutes to get toilet paper because I was busy cooking he got the message.
Can you afford a cleaning person? A teenager who can do dishes, run the vacuum, throw in a load of was and fold the last load?
He should help if you ask and stop with his lame excuses. Perhaps start a chore chart for him and the kids.
Absolutely not. He needs to do a few days in your shoes.
Nope and if u don t break him of his macho thinking now. U will hate him in another 10 years. If u make it. Theres no I in team.
You don’t wear his clothes, don’t wash them. His clothes, His responsibly. When he runs out and starts bitching say “Well did YOU wash any?”
I worked and help out in the yard. My husband work hard with lots of over time. I raises 3 kids. He passed 12 yrs ago. Thanks to his 2 pensions I am well set in life. I miss him very much.
Be happy u got someone to do the yards for you. I have to do everything but I don’t have no man and I’m happy for that hahaha
You are completely valid in your feelings and you have to tell him you feel mistreated for being forced to do all of the chores.
, no you are not overreacting it should be a shared job taking care of the house and children
Welcome the world of female Adult hood, it’s ruff, a man works hours a day. a women is on call 24 hours a day. Who ever said 50/50? There is no such thing in a marriage. I have always said I would take 5 sick children over 1 sick man. they are the worst. crabby, whinny, snappy, just plane nasty, and of course they can’t do anything for them selves, “their sick” But a women, even sick your not off. Bring home a new baby, your not off, what’s for dinner he asks. while the other children run amuck, yes my friend. Welcome to women hood, Smile, Head up. Good luck, God Bless you all…
No your not he’s married to you and he should be helping you —you help him and he helps you— you help each other it’s called team work
She’s not overreacting. It’s unfortunate that her husband refuses to help out more. What’s more concerning is that she works outside the home and they have children. They’re not just her children, they’re his too, and he should be helping out more with them. The saddest part is that there’s no way to make this man do anything. This fed-up wife will have to make some hard decisions. She could focus simply on her and the children. Then explain to him that she doesn’t have the energy to take care of him too without additional help. She could seek counseling or therapy for the both of them. It might be a great ideal to have a third party chime in and give their professional take on the situation. She could also decide to take a mini vacation with her and the kids to give herself a break and time to gather her thoughts. My ex- husband was the same way but he didn’t want to do anything but go to work- that’s it. He was extremely lazy, and inconsiderate, amongst other things. It’s frustrating and it honestly will lead one to consider leaving for that alone. You’re married but feel like a single parent. SMH. It’s overwhelming and not fair to this wife and mother. I hope that she finds a solution but making him do anything is going to be almost impossible unless he wants to change which doesn’t seem to be the case.
#HerSay
I’ve found going on strike gets the 5 men in my house on board real quick! Everybody lives here. Everybody pitches in. No exceptions.
Your biggest problem is putting it out on Facebook. You need to talk to each other instead
Remind him how much you do by not doing anything for him anymore don’t help outside just do you and the kids
Stop doing his dishes and laundry stop cooking for him ect…when he ask tell him he isnt your job 
you are his wife and his equal not his slave.
I too keep kids in my home. It last from whe the first mother drops her kids off around 5:30 till the last child is picked up around 6:30. When I am finished the kids help clean the toys up but there is still a lot of cleaning up after them when they leave. At least once or twice a week we order pizza some nights I just tell everyone they are on their own. Took everyone a while but some nights I am exhausted they all lived
You’re not overreacting! My ex was like yours…it lasted 4 years, but mostly because he drank! My hubby of 39 years is the best gift God ever gave me…a real helpmate & I know I’m blessed. Your hubby has to see your struggle!
Should be a partnership. Just because you’re working in your home doesn’t mean you aren’t working
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I don’t know what to say because for the past 43 years my husband has always helped. Couples need to learn that a relationship is not 50/50, it is 100/100. A happy spouse is a happy house!
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Something has to go and since you can’t get rid of your husband and children, then maybe your daycare should close.
Rent a space for your business. Be gone 8-12 hrs a day. Don’t do any work outside.
When is the last time you changed the oil in the car?
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You are not over reacting. Today when both parents work things should be shared. I had achysbsnd like that and after 25 years of abuse I divorced him, he was mentally and verbally abusive to me. To me it was death of divorce.
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Stop doing his laundry, he’ll think differently if he has no clean underwear
First buy a dishwasher then leave his washing when he complains tell him you done ur jobs for the day get ir dishwasher first also get a cleaner in once a week
Stop doing his laundry and look into hiring someone to come in once a week and help you with chores
I’d say if his reasoning is bc u dirtied it then only clean what you dirty. Don’t wash your clothes or do his dishes or clean his piss off the toilet. Answer him in the same way he told you why he can’t help 
Well well how would he like it if you fixed supper for you and kids are before he got home and nothing left for him,yours and kids laundry is done but not his,your dishes are done but not his,when he says to you where’s my supper,why is my laundry not done,look at him nicely and say, I’ve DONE MY JOB FOR THE DAY, I bet when he wants sex there is no stopping him but then again he can take a cold shower
Yes if it’s 1950, he needs to pitch in. Maybe stop doing HIS laundry
Both my husband and I work for the same company. Same amount of hours but opposite work schedules. When I work, he does chores, when he works, I do them. No one should have to carry the whole load. We made chore lists ( we have teenagers too) and put everyone on there (age appropriate chores for the children). I’m like this, if I have to carry the full load with no help then I will live by myself with my kids.
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Mine is the same but he cooks most of our meals and does his own laundry.
Don’t wash his dishes or clothes, tell him he dirties them so he can wash them! No way you should put up with that just stop doing for him and see what he has to say then!
No a marriage is not 50/50 it’s a 100 from both sides. He needs to help out he can walk around with dirty chonies
Well I guess I was a lucky man to have been married to the woman of my life for 50 years. I can not recall to many time that she ask me to help her with the caring of the house hold , but if she did it was that she wasn’t feeling well. She was a stay at home mother and I worked in the logging 40 t0 50 hours a week. I learned after I retired to help her with the cooking and other things and how to take care of myself. She passed away a few years after I retired and am glad that she let me do all this stuff in then house. So any man that thinks it is not his job to help his wife with the houe hold chores, he should have married a work horse.
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No you are not asking to much. My husband helps me with things all the time I’m retired he still works.
You are not being unreasonable. A marriage is a team effort. He definitely needs to help you!!!
His kids, his house, his mess. Help out or in future do yours only.
He’s acting like a jerk. It’s both your home and family, you both should carry the load.
Just my opinion.
They are his children too, that should be 50/50 as well.
Hold your breath. Because if he wasn’t doing it in the beginning. He won’t be doing it now
Buy paper plates plastic silverware plastic cups
Honey ,
You need some other women to come for a visit …We would have his ass lined up in no time flat…
Stop doing stuff for him until he gets the point…as nicely as possible. Lol
What I wouldn’t give to be able to do my late husband’s laundry, cook for him, etc.
Ditch him if he is that much of burden you!
Or be thankful he is alive and you are able to do his laundry and cook for him.
No. Seems to me when u both work u both should be helping in the house. End of story
if the kids get allowance - charge then to vacumn their room
No you are not. Go on strike and don’t do anything. He will appreciate you then