You’re stepmother… so pretty much, it’s on your husband. Not much you can do.
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I wouldn’t do anything drastic until you and hubby are on the same page . It won’t get fixes to u do
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Are u and mom good ??? Maybe reach out to mom , if she sees y’all respecting each other maybe she’ll follow
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I hear Jeffy and I swear it’s instant RAGE!! I CANNOT STAND IT!! like it’s unnatural the amount of rage.
That’s gonna be tough if your hubby isn’t on the same page. I have 2 kids from my previous married, me and my fiance have to work together to show the kids were a united front. It’s not fair to you for him to not be behind you.
Jeffy is straight up the WORST thing on YouTube I’ve ever heard in my damn life !
your husband needs to man up and be your husband and tell his daughter to respect all rules in the home, and respect you and her siblings
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Her father needs to handle that disrespect
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You’ve had it with her? Wow. Honey none if this is her fault. Its her dad’s. He’s the one you need to be talking to. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute.
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Her father needs to have a conversation about respect and how to behave in your home.
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Put your foot down. It’s your house your rules, get your husband on board you guys are supposed to be a team.
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Nah sorry, idgaf who you are. Follow my rules or get tf out.
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I’m seeing a lot of “me”, “mine” , “my” here.
I wouldn’t respect you either
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You ruined anything you had to say by starting it off with “she comes to my house”.
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This is tough! You’ve already done your part by laying down the rules and now it’s her dad’s part to in force them if she’s not respecting you or your home.
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It’s her parents job to set rules and boundaries. If they aren’t doing that then I don’t think you get a say. Your job as a step parent is to help support how the parents want things done. Not make everything done how you want it.
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As a step mom myself, I can tell you. When they decide to be disrespectful ass=holes, it is tough. It is her dad’s place to handle this. She is manipulating the situation and trying to control the household. Dad needs to get on board with this. I was always the one left to discipline while dad was all “lets go play putt putt golf and get out of her way” He loves you both and it is not fair to either of the grown ups in this situation for her to act out. Plus it causes friction. He doesn’t want to deal with your concerns or her behavior. Dad needs to man up.
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Have you thought about trying to have some time with just her. Maybe a spa day or Mani/pedi’s. I know this might sound awful but you’re not her mother. You are different and she needs to know you’re not just about rules and trying to change her. She needs stability both with her mom and step mom. You can earn her trust and respect. It might take time, don’t push her, talk to her like you would your own.
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This is so hard. I Feel it in my bones 
You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Pray for me too 
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I’ve been down that road and it’s really tough. Bottom line is You have to protect the younger children. Her dad needs to step up and set things straight!!!
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Your the Adult and your house your rules. Disrespectful kids have a tough time in a world where Rules apply to everyone not just her. Unplug wifi, t.v whatever you have to do to get the point across. Maybe even a therapist, if the bio parents up to the challenge of raising a decent human being. Hopefully you are, Bonus children can be difficult at times. It may be helpful if you took a class on foster parenting it has alot of the same issues as Bonus family parenting, All adults involved need to be on the same page to raise a healthy happy child. Good luck and peace be with you.
To start off it’s not just YOUR house. It’s a home for all of you including her.
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I may be reading it wrong but I don’t feel she meant it as “HER” house, to me sounds like she’s saying hers as in not her moms. I’ve used this same term in separating my house to my sons dads/grandmas house I don’t mean anything by it just to make it understandable to other ppl.
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You & your husband need to come together on the rules & stick to it. If it’s possible call her mom & ask for advice. Talk to her as a mom without being accusing.
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Kinda sounds like this kid can tell you don’t give a shit about her as your bio kids are clearly more important. I wouldn’t show you respect as a child either. You didn’t just marry her father, you agreed to be a parent in her life. 
You can’t. If her father doesn’t ensure she’s following the rules of the home she won’t. This is an issue between you and your husband. I suggest family counseling.
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It is dads job or she doe not return to your home. If she is there permanent call your local children and youth center or make your husband leave
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When my step kids came on their access weekends I had a chat about the rules of our home and even though it might be different to their mom’s rules, they were still the rules of this house. Need to get that in place before they hit the TWEEN years. 
We sat and made a board to put up in the kitchen that showed the rules clearly explained with the appropriate punishments too.
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She’s smoking, and dad won’t talk to her?? Ummm dad needs to be a dad not a friend if her mom isn’t doing it he needs to step up before this child is lost
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Sounds like u gotta ditch both bitchs ….
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How old is she
And for starters it’s not just your house it’s a home you have to make it feel like a home and try to include her and it’s not just your house she probably doesn’t feel like it’s her home too the whole smoking thing get the birth mom involved if dad won’t do anything about it that’s my only advice good luck
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You should start with your husband. Don’t blame his child
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Hi, step mom here! My step son and I did not get along for YEARS. He didn’t follow rules, was disrespectful, and was mean to his brothers. I dreaded his visits! I finally realized that he wasn’t the entire problem, I had to own my end of it to. It got to the point where I didn’t care what he was doing or how small it was it infuriated me (ridiculous, I know). Some of it was warranted, a lot of it was not. I realized I was holding him to a higher standard than I was holding myself. He was just a little human trying to navigate through his parents splitting up and moving on. Kids do not navigate so well through adult situations, and they shouldn’t have to. I literally told myself to chill t.f out, it ain’t that serious. I stopped getting so angry, I stopped looking for the bad and it got better. He started listening, apologizing when necessary, following house rules etc. Now we have a great relationship and understanding of boundaries.
Ps… I absolutely HATE Jeffy 
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HE should be disciplining, not the step mother. Maybe make the kid feel like she belongs by stopping the “bio kid” vs “step kid” crap, and the “my house” crap. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you treat her differently than the other kids. Depending on how old she is, determines how to handle this. If she’s smoking I’m assuming she’s a bit older. A lot of times talking to teens like adults and allowing them to have a real convo instead of ordering them around works wonders in getting them to do what’s right. If she doesn’t want to remove her shoes then maybe get her some cute ones that are for in the house only that she can wear. Some people don’t feel comfortable with that, maybe her feet smell from being a teen and she doesn’t want to be barefoot. Sit her down and talk to her like a human being, it’s not your way or the highway, find a middle place you all can agree on. But that means you’re going to have to give in some.
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Sounds like both you and dad need to put in some effort into forming a better relationship with her
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He needs to step up and not worry about pushing her away. She is a child and needs to follow the rules. My husband doesn’t let his kids disrespect me or my rules. He tells them they can take their butts home If they keep it up.
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I refuse to treat any child differently for the other. And the minute my children (especially my littles) are effected for ANY reason by the environment they are in I will speak up. My step daughter and I are super close and she knows the rules and follows them.
As for your husband, does he tell you not to correct her? IF that is the case, why are you still in that situation? If you can’t be a TEAM and raise your children together with equal values that’s kinda jacked.
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Your house, your rules. She doesn’t get to come in until the shoes are off. Snatch the damn cigarette, or whatever she’s smoking, from her when she lights up, and take her phone at bedtime. I wouldn’t allow anyone, no matter who they are, to come in my home and flat out disrespect me or my home. Kids/teens will do whatever you allow. So stop allowing it! She can either follow the rules, or get out. If it continues, I’d be making my husband get a room for him and his daughter on the days he has her. I don’t play that disrespectful crap. Respect goes both ways.
Call a family meeting when she is there write everything down and address it. Maybe it more than just what’s at her moms. Gently have the conversation on what your expectations are and maybe reward her at first for listening until it becomes routine.
Your husband is her main caregiver. It’s not up to you. It’s his job, sounds like a relationship issue, that man needs to step up.
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I love when a step-momster complains about the step kids. You should’ve thought about the “baggage” that comes with that new, amazing 
before you married him! 
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Sorry, but I think you married a dead beat dad.
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I feel like I just read a script from my life🤣
Seriously feel fir you girl.
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Change “I’ve had it with her” to “I’ve had it with him” She is his responsibility he needs to step up and parent.
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Shoes are so damn small… choose your battles. Just remind her to take care of her shoes. As for the YouTube, come to an agreement. Like: I don’t like that you watch it, but I respect you. So how about you watch it on your own time. As for smoking…. My own biological mom… whom I owe the world to, she ended up just saying: don’t smoke in front of me. Kids will find a way to be an asshole. Always. I’m sure your kids may find and do shit behind your back. Things they picked up from school, friends, siblings… go through your house and put up all the lighters. If she can’t/won’t agree to YouTube then change the PW until she’s willing to agree. Don’t even tell hubby? But you’re so cold with the heavy step child vibe. When you married him that meant to “parent” your now bonus children. And love them.
So when she’s not there your “bio” kids are perfect angels and never have attitude? When she’s not there your “bio” kids never watch you tube videos you do not approve of? Just so I understand it’s only when your step daughter is there that your house has any issues? You are putting a lot of parenting pressure onto your step daughter. It sounds like this girl is acting out and for good reason if you talk to her like you talk about her that poor kid!!
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Mine mine mine that’s the problem right there.
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U didn’t even tell us how old she is??? If ur husband won’t say anything forget it!!! Hrs y she’s not respectful of your house rules!!! He’s the problem!!!
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Short answer: you can’t.
If your husband won’t parent his child, she’s certainly not going to accept it from you.
Two options: accept this is how it’s going to be or split up.
At the heart of it, this is really an issue between you and your husband. It’s just expressing itself through the problems with your stepdaughter. It’ll continue to express itself in various other ways until resolved.
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Maybe get rid of the word “my” to begin with and watch things fall into place.
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Maybe re read what you wrote. You’re attitude towards her says it all.
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Not your kid stay in your own lane
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Since your husband isn’t on the same page as you are. You’re going to have to have a serious conversation with him and set some boundaries. You need to let him know what you will and won’t tolerate from him and his daughter while she is at your home. If he’s not going to respect your wishes then most likely he never will. That’s where you’re going to have do some soul searching within yourself to see if that’s the type of person you want to be married to.
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She’s a teenager she’s not going to be perfect don’t be too harsh with her. Your husband needs to step up
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How old is she & how long have you been her stepparent? I’ve been with my SO since our children were ages 2-7. We parent them equally & always have, but I do understand that may be more difficult if she was older. Your spouse really needs to step up.
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Pick your battles. Your husband is who you might end up alienating.
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Well… Depending on her age, to prevent her showing your kids things when you go to bed you can take her devices away and lock in a box or closet til morning. As far as attitude…Talk to her. Find out where it is coming from (does she miss mom? Is she having a bad day? Is she hungry? Sick? Depending on age is she dealing with her menstrual? And such…)
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As a step child that attitude of your towards her is the reason why and probably should lose the word “ my”
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I’d reason with hubs about severity of the consequences of allowing these things to go on.
Ig he doesn’t care what she does he shouldn’t care what you do kick her where it hurts take out the TVs until she respects you noooo tv and if she doesn’t do other things do what will upset her pretty soon she’ll stay away
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Good luck, hard to be a step parent
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Try spending time with her. Maybe she feels pushed out? Instead of having enough of her. Sit down when your kids are in bed and talk to her. Woman to woman? Pamper evening maybe?
She’s probably pushing boundaries because of the lack of attention you & her father are giving her 
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As a step mom myself… I couldn’t imagine… that must be very very difficult. Thankfully in my situation we all parent the same, and tbh I don’t think we would have worked out if we didn’t. I can understand your husband’s worry… but unfortunately it’s your husband’s job to keep the waters calm in his house first. He needs to tell her the rules… and she’s to obey them if not consequences. That’s all a part of being a parent; and a very normal way most housholds are ran. unfortunately for him, he doesn’t live with her full time any more and so his worry and fears; although are valid… are something he’s going to have to learn to live with. He can take her out… maybe spend some more one on one time with her if he feels a drift in their relationship. But he should not be allowing his home, wife, and other children to be corrupted and disrupted. It’s definitely not your place to parent or discipline… and it sounds to me that she wouldn’t like that too much anyway… so thats 100% on him. Tell him too bad. It’s called being a parent. He needs to step up and deal with this. His responsibility. Not yours… and he should be caring and respecting your feelings.
I also want to add… try not to beat yourselves up too much… blending a family is damn hard. Its hard on everyone involved including your husband, all the children and the ex. Lead with love always with the child… and hold your husband accountable.
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It’s a tough subject I no what ur going through I’d tell ur husband if he dosnt correct it then he’ll have to go see her elsewhere I mean I no it sounds mean but it’s not fear to u or ur other kids…
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Id rent a hotel for you and your kids while she is there and until he lays the law down…then he has to figure it out and step up.
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Tell your husband he can still get her but make them stay in a hotel or some other family members house during their time until she learns to follow the rules set in your house. Also have him speak to her mother about these issues.
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Tell dad to get off his butt and spend some time with his daughter so that she’s not on YouTube all the time. Have him meet her at the door and have her take her shoes off. Take her phone away at bedtime so there’s no Jeffy at bedtime and tell her no smoking or you will destroy her cigarettes. She’s not old enough to smoke. All of this should come from her father, by the way… tell him it’s necessary. Tell him she may get a little mad, but that’s just part of being a parent.
Absolutely… Your house your rules…
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Lead by example, reread your post, your attitude towards her is so off and you’re the adult!
She was there way before you, your bio kids, and your perfect family life that you think she’s ruining.
Sit down and talk.
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Well I’m on your side, if it your house and other kids involved, rules should be simlar for all kids. Weather bio or step kids. My hubbys kids used to come over at weekends. My kids had routine in place. He tho was acceptable to keep kids up a lot later at first. But when I’ve got 5 grumpy arsy kids while he work next day. I did kick off. We reached compromise kids went to bed at 9.30 not 11-12 pm he was letting them make excuses for every wk. After while kids all got used to rules. It did take few arguments etc so everyone was on same page. He was scared kids wouldn’t want to come if didn’t get own way. I was sick of 5 tired kids every weekend, no down time. Kids were awful on mon mornings after crap nights sleep etc.
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It’s hard to be a step parent, but you are a parent in that household. I suggest talking to your husband and say simply if she can’t be respectful, then he needs to sit down with her and talk with her about HIS house rules. You guys have to be united or it won’t work. Good luck!!
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Let me tell you something how to approach a teenager in the same way you approach a child you sit them down and you asked her what is wrong and why you not respecting my rules maybe she doesn’t like you that’s why you should ask her what her problem is in a nice mannered way👍 is always about something not about what you might know it’s always about another perspective because kids you can’t read their minds and you might need to talk to her mum… …( because it seems like this situation is annoying you a little bit) instead of thinking that she’s just being disrespectful maybe she is maybe she’s not…
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I’d say she gets the lack of respect from her father as he doesn’t respect and request she follows the rules. It’s him you need to speak to first. If he isn’t willing to speak to his daughter then maybe he need to arrange a different location for them to see each other
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I mean you have to think about all the negative stuff her other house says about you, there’s going to be resentment, “you stole her dad”. But at the same time rules are rules. You can’t give your children a rule and then expect them to listen while she ignores it. No shoes in the house. Simple refuse to unlock the door until she takes them off. She has her tantrum but I don’t have to at my mums, simply remind her that you understand that just like she has to understand this isnt her mothers house it’s yours, and you respect your home by removing shoes. Maybe give her a pair of slippers and say if she must wear something she can swap into them. Videos like that should not be on your TV with littler children around. Get her a tablet and wireless headphones tell her if she must watch these things to use that where the younger children can’t see or hear it, if she has a problem simple turn the Internet off, password protect so she can’t access it. If she moans she gets to watch it at her mother’s, again remind her this isn’t her mother’s house and rules may be different in other people’s homes. Catch her smoking?! Take the stuff off of her, pop it on the bbq and burn it all in front of her,throwing it in the trash just won’t do she can get it back, if she asks for money say no you will not give pocket money to fund that bad habit but ask what she wants instead and you will buy it. She complains tell her to get a job and fund it herself and again remind her everytime you find it in your house you will destroy it, she can do what she wants else where but that does not happen under your roof. She may never respect you but she may one day learn the rules. Make sure you enforce them don’t let it go or your own children will become just as bad. Also you need to put your foot down with your partner, remind him of the rules you both agreed upon when living together and say if he can’t enforce them he needs to go to. Yes it’s hard she’s used to different rules at her mums but it isn’t her mother forking out for all new carpets or therapy for your children when they watch something disturbing its you. Remind him of that, your other children matter too. Xx
Does your husband ‘have a house’!???
to start with …
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As a step parent myself I just want to say this: take a giant step back and disengage from the negative and leave all the discipline to her father. And let him know that he needs to parent his child and you will not be taking the role of disciplinary. Also pick your battles, is wearing shoes in the house the hill you want to die on? Buy her slippers she can wear instead. Smoking is absolutely the hill you’ll want to die on, but the discipline needs to come from your husband not you. Sit down and have a talk with her and tell her you aren’t looking to replace her mother (because let’s face it, she already has two parents) and that you would like to be her friend. Also, instead of finding the negative find 5 things that are positive about her and praise her every time she does something good.
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Don’t mess with yours he could kiss you take you flying and give a look at oh shit.
Smoke in your house ? Yeah till her mother or father want to actually parent her and do something about it she wouldn’t be coming
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How freaking old is she?
I’m not an expert but sounds like the family could use counseling. Getting support from your husband is essential since it is his daughter. Also maybe try to see if the two of you can spend quality time buying slippers or going out to eat. When she uses the slippers you can let her know how much you appreciate it.
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Let’s put this bluntly .She doesn’t like you or respect you.nor does she even like her dad either …shez mad at world he chose you over her and her ma …so ya she doesn’t like you…there for she’s not going to change .and I believe she never will .some people can’t change the way they feel .and your probably a Karen.it your house your rules ima 55 and that statement alone rubbed me the wrong way .you need to ALL SIT DOWN AND TALK about your futures.coming on FB and asking isn’t gonna help this situation.you sound one sided to me your side …
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Jeffy is a really bad show for kids. My boys had watched it at one point untill I listened to what they were saying now it’s banned. Have you sat your husband down and played a couple of those videos for him? You could always turn your internet off when you go to bed
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The comments claiming shes a ‘bitter step mum’ 
Mums house and Dads house most of the time have different rules… she seems old enough to understand that if shes smoking…
That being said, if your husband isnt going to enforce these rules with his daughter/your step daughter then you’ve already lost. He needs to be onboard with the house rules and enforce them with ALL children.
People saying ‘oh how must she feel seeing dads got a new family etc…’ then you must also take into consideration the children that are being made to follow the rules and have to watch their sister get away with… well… whatever she does.
A difficult conversation needs to be had with your husband. The rules apply to ALL children, regardless of whether or not shes there part time or full time.
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I’d deff start with showing the father some of the videos. I would also try talking to both parents about the smoking, get it on recording if you think denial will be an issue. But also meet the kid half way. Some people hate shoes, others feel the need to wear them. Ask that she either remove her shoes for inside only slippers (let her pick a pair she likes for this purpose), or included in chores would be vacuuming and sweeping because she refuses to take them off 
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Husband needs to step up to start with, then start setting rules together
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I have no suggestions because I’m basically in the same boat. It sucks. Good for you for trying. I hope things get better 
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A serious family meeting is in order and Dad needs to stand by you. Houses have different rule and if she can’t obey them then I would not allow it. It’s not like there’s any ridiculous rules…just normal ones.
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Naw that wouldn’t work for me . I’d get a new husband he sounds like spineless fish.
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My kids got EVERYTHING taken away because of “Jeffy”!!! That is the WORST man on YouTube and he’s completely gross about everything while using a “puppet” to interact with children. Take tablet or phone when going to bed or it won’t stop. Speaking from experience.
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I’d like to know how old this girl is… If she was to be in my house she would go by MY RULES> Are the younger children his"? If so he really has to make her follow the rules even more. I’d say she must be a teenager. Does her mother know she smokes? And the dad needs to also talk to her mother to see what she does at home. Kids do lie to each separated parents just to get their own way ya know.
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NACHO look it up. You can’t win in this situation. He’s her father. He needs to deal with this. Coming from you this is not going to work. It’s has to be HIM. Trust me on this one. He either needs to man you and handle this or you need to research NACHO kids.
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If you can’t respect you and what you’re asking to go on in the house. Tell him she cannot come over anymore. Or if you’re going to be so spineless you can go too
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Do not make yourself the bad guy. Dad needs to be instilling that his house is thesame as moms.
Also. If you’re going to bed and they don’t listen about what not to watch put the stuff up. Turn off wifi access on certain electronics. I hold my kids to higher standards. my EX husband is a problem with my girls. My daughter slapped him because of the way he let’s them do what they want there. And when they do something at my house they aren’t supposed to they still get in trouble. My husband still holds them to the same standards as his babies. and. The kids who are with you 247. Those kids are the ones you need to tell hey. You know you’re not supposed to be watching that. Go play elsewhere or do something else. If my 8 year old is staring at someone else’s phone he gets in trouble. You don’t know what she has on her phone. Texts. Pics. It’s a good rule of thumb to teach your kids not to worry about other people’s screens.
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Tell her if she won’t listen she can stay at mom’s til she decides to listen. Dad needs to tell her
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You’re gonna have to learn the “nacho” method. Nacho kid, nacho business. Just parent your kids and literally ignore what SD is doing. Stop doing for her and she’ll come around. And if she don’t then oh well. If your hubby don’t bother to parent her on his time, why should you? (No offense)
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Your house your rules. If your husband doesn’t stand up to her, you’ll have to.
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Suggest a third party intervention. A therapist to help him understand that he is damaging his younger children. It is your job to protect those children.
I didn’t read it all tell her mother she not allowed to come back until she follows your rules
Tell her father too. If there is no agreement…take a private vacation you n yours and see how long your rules won’t be obeyed I bet things will change ( don’t do this part just me thinking like an angry I’ll show you woman🫣) but the other let them know your feelings rules and regulations you have children watching and may think it’s ok and my try just because she sure not gonna say no and what will be next drinking smoking more then weed… Also let her know the dangers of smoking some don’t believe till they see it
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