How do I not be completely upset with that fact that my children’s father abused me, got two children out of me, cheated on me and left us…moved onto someone young, single with no kids, a good job…and because I’m here raising them, it’s been hard to get a great job, and get my college education. We were high school sweethearts. When my second was very young, he walked out after a traumatic few years with his alcoholism. See, I’m doing okay, but I struggle so much. I don’t have babysitters or people who have helped me get where I am today. I’ve always had to work, and pretty well do it alone with a tiny bit of help from my family. I finally just started receiving child support for our children, but to me, after not having it for six years, $375 a month doesn’t make me happy. It wasn’t just a lack of money. It was lack of everything, including a relationship with his kids…just so he could selfishly he happy with his friends and alcohol. I’ve been a good mom, tried my best to be a better mom every day regardless of our financial struggles. Why do the bad guys always come first? The things I’ve gone through, continue to go through because of him, or my choice to have children with him…it seems unfair. And while I know life is unfair…to see him thriving, while I’m struggling and trying to strive (I slowly am) I have a nice house, a nice car, two beautiful kids, I’m single still…it just hurt to find out he’s now buying a house, they’re talking about marriage (mind you this is the girl he was cheating with) on top of his great job he landed a few years ago. Even had landed that job, he never helped financially. I just don’t get how people can be so cruel. I always tell myself my good karma is coming, as long as I keep pushing. We have a decent co-parenting relationship. Other than the fact he’s in my email hitting on me once a month when he and his woman argue. I want to meet someone too, but it seems men don’t want a woman with two kids who are struggling. I’m clearly not ready by how I’m sounding, I know, but I don’t know. I just wish I could be up where he is. I hold so much of a grudge. I always see bad people getting the upper hand while good people suffer?
Be happy he walked out on you so you dont have to deal with him anymore. It wont be hard forever!
You just do what you have to do to show the kids that mommy can do it alone. And show them what a strong woman you are. Anything else is irrlevant and at the end when theyre going off to live on their own… Theyll know mommy did it all.
He’s NOT thriving lmao. Don’t let yourself believe that because it is NOT true! He is missing out and wasting his life on things that are not important. While you,you get your kids and you’re doing ok, and it’ll only get better. There’s only up from here. Be happy to be out of that situation and away from him and out of his control. Live your life for you and your kids now. Fuck him. At the end of the day YOU won. He might look like he is happy but he isn’t. And it’ll all come crashing down eventually with the choices he is making. They aren’t real, they aren’t what matters they are a mask and fake. Just change the way you think of it. You are better without him, you don’t need him and he isn’t your problem anymore. Let him be with his friends and alcohol while you enjoy your babies and your life without him. He is missing out, not you. He lost something, you didn’t.
First of all, under whose perspective, is that considered thriving? Is he really thriving? I doubt it. The same way how he cheated on you with her he’ll eventually do it to her. And by then you’ll be happy, already have moved on. Message me if you would like to talk
Umm, he was ur decision and the kids was your decision. Now be a grown woman and stop being jealous. If he has such a great job, go back to court and get more money. Why didnt u apply in2017 for CS. And if u did, he will have to back pay. U r the cause of ur own misery, let go and live ur life and stop comparing ur life to his. If the kids are a burden which u make it out to be. Give them to him and have ur visitation and then u will be able to live ur life.
You need to talk to a therapist. It will help you so much to talk to someone who can help you work through your feelings and someone who can listen to you. Holding a grudge is only hurting you, not him. He could care less if you are happy in your life or not. Stop giving him your power.￼
God has our life’s planed out already! Your struggles are your greatest blessings you might not see it now but you will in time! Been there with you! Still am maybe not so much as where you’re at but the struggles we face are for a reason. Enjoy, life with your children ficys on you all& not on your past so much! God bless you & may God guide you to stay stronger to see the blessings you have are far more greater than how you might feel now!
I have lived this… My ex husband cheated constantly, and eventually got his now wife pregnant. Of course that was the last straw for me, and i kicked him out. They moved in together, and “had it all” while i struggled to raise our kids and licked my wounds. This was almost 10 years ago… He is still an in and out father and doesn’t pay child support, but eventually it does get easier. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing what is best for your babies. Try not to focus on comparing your life/happiness to theirs or anyone else’s. You will be happy again, in due time. Best of luck to you
Hon you didn’t loose anything when he walked out. Count your blessings, love and cherish your children. They grow up so fast. Get involved in one of your church’s. They stick by single mother’s… and you may meet a good man that will appreciate you. God bless you and your family.
First 7 years after I left my ex he was very absent barely got any support from him or his family (even after relocating for work and moving blocks from their home) he had many relationships during that time remarried atlesst once, engaged i think 4 different times, now he seems somewhat… stable … in a relationship w a woman who had 2 kids they now have one together I’ve been getting child support payments etc. And you know what- I still dont like him. Yes I was married to him but the last few months of being together to now he hurt me time and time again where no matter what I just dont like him.
I try not to talk bad about him w kids around but that doesn’t mean I sugar coat it.
Go ahead be jealous, hate him BUT dont let your kids see. Then get over him and dont let him drag you down.
BE THE BIGGER PERSON. And let him go, let go of the hate jealousy and move on.
This guy sounds a lot like my ex. The grass is always greener on the other side with them. Never worry about what he’s doing. Always know that your children see what you do. It’s their opinion that is more important. Your ex will never be happy. Because nothing is ever enough for him. No matter what. So ignore him. When the right man comes along he will love your children like they are his own. He will find a way to spend time with you that includes them because he will know that they are an extension of you. So be patient. He’s out there. Just know that and ignore everything else. It’s all drama anyway and you’re too busy for all that B.S.
You just have to remember tha anything worth having is worth fighting for. Yes those bad people may have it easy, but chances are good they dont have a "great’ life, as they lack LOVE, bonds, empathy, and really what kind of life is worth having if you dont have those basics.
I know its hard, but let the bitterness go, & truly see what a gift he gave you by letting you have your kids to yourself…Honestly thats all my family prays for with my grandsons deadbeat dad. But no, he sits on his throne, looking down at my single-mother daughter & his own child struggling & just causes MORE problems for them…
It could always be worse, so just be grateful for God knows your struggle & he will always make a way~ God Bless~
It takes time… men don’t care about kids or the struggle, but they do want someone that is emotionally available. You need to take time to make yourself happy before trying to find another relationship. Life isn’t fair and I went through something similar with my ex husband, but at the end of the day, I always make sure my babies are taken care of, with or without him. You may not ever understand why he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, but its probably a blessing in disguise and you deserve better.
You keep doing what your doing don’t go looking at what he’s doing ! You are a single parent doing her best and that’s what the kids will remember as there older , and as for the money if you don’t want it stick it in an account for the children are older. They say it takes you at least half of the time of the relationship to get over it ! So be patient and calm karma is good and will get him:) remember once a cheat always a cheater
karma will eventually get him…
I bet hes not as happy as he seems lol he is making it look that way just to get to you but itll be ok it just takes time you’re doing amazing
I’m going through almost the same fucking thing and it’s absolutely bullshit. Sometimes it helps to just say fuck him, it’s his lose. Or at least day dream about hurting him .
You won. You have the kids with you, while he will never have a good relationship with them.
Be happy you’re not the woman he’s cheating on anymore. They may seem to be getting it all but clearly he still sucks as a boyfriend or he wouldn’t be hitting on you. Get over him and move on. That’s when you’ll find your happiness.
I hope things get easier for you with time, but for now I hope you realize that your kids know who is there for them…it’s not always about who has the better job and more money…it’s who was there for them when they needed love and care that will matter the most to them!
First off you need to get the notion that men don’t want a woman with children out of your head because that’s complete bullshit. I met my husband when I was a single mother of two and struggling and he’s been the light of my life for the past 11 years aside from my children. You have a lot of growing up to do if you are still dwelling on some man that did this to you in your past. I’d suggest finding a counselor and stop resenting him. You chose to lay down with him and make those children. You chose to be a mother. Put on your big girl panties, lace up your boots￼ and get over it. The sooner you stop thinking about what should have been and what could have been you might actually have a decent life. But until then suck it up buttercup and be the best goddamn mom you can be for those kids because in the end that’s what they’re going to remember and that’s what they’re going to brag about is the fact that their mom went balls to the wall every day to make sure that they had what they needed and never gave up.￼
I’ll tell you my story…I met this guy had a kid with him, and things didn’t go well, I wanted to apply for low income but he didn’t want me to because then I wouldn’t need him anymore. I did anyways just Incase well I got the apt and he ended up moving in with me. Things didn’t work out again after baby number 2 and we went out separate ways. I was only getting 200 a month in child support and working and taking care of 3 kids all alone. Flash forward I had another kid with a loser. Got my tubes tied because I was just done having kids with losers and gave up finding the right one. Fast forward 10 months and I met the one. Now we have a house, got my tubes reversed and our happy. We have our moments but I’m glad I met him!! Be patient in time you will find someone when you least expect it. I have 4 kids and he has one and that didn’t bother him at all! Good luck you got this shit!
All I can say is it’ll be okay I know it’s hard but you have to find something that sparks your fire again… a “hobby” or just something in general that makes you happy whatever that may be. Distraction is key to things like this, yes you want to think about it to learn from the experience but you don’t want to OVERthink it… try to just redirect yourself to things that bring you positivity. It could be as simple as getting your hair done or going for a walk or visiting an animal shelter. Whatever it may be just find something else to engage in and try not to think about him/ what he’s doing because I’ll tell you right now he is NOT doing as well as it looks. no one is, we’re all just doing our best to stay happy. You will be okay
My ex was awful to me for a long time. He’s so far behind in child support, and just continues to not pay. He doesn’t show up for our kids, he’ll go months without seeing them. All he cares about is where the next party is. So trust me when I say, I can definitely relate to how you’re feeling. But you have to remember, even though it’s hard, YOU are the one who is going to have the memories with your babies. You get to experience everything with them, and you get to show them what REAL love is. And they get to grow up with a mama that they know will be there for them, and put them above everything else, no matter what. When they are grown, they will figure everything out. For now, you just keep doing you for those babies mama! And talking about it helped me. Vent to your friends, or continue reaching out to support groups like you did here.
And as far as no men wanting to be in a relationship with a single mom…Honey, that’s not a man, and you are definitely too good for anyone who thinks that. BOYS care about parties, cheating with other girls, blah blah blah. MEN will look at a single mama and be like “wow, this girl has her shit together. This is someone I can truly have a happy life and build a future with.” I finally found mine, and I promise you will too! Hang in there, I promise it gets easier!!!
Always remember how bad it was when he was around. You’re better off without him. You know what he’s like and he’s going to keep on doing it. I would look into getting more child support too, because if he seems to be doing so well, then his children should be getting more help because that certainly is not enough.
U don’t… But u do learn to deal with it. All u can do is take it day by day.
The issue is your mindset. Your focus is him, him, him. You can’t EVER control other people’s choices. Only your own. He didn’t “get” 2 children out of you. You have 2 children who I am sure you love dearly and bring you joy. Stop obsessing on what he has done and what he has and begin making choices that you are proud of and that achieve your own goals. Remember the grass on the other side is never as green as you think.
Honey it may seem unfair right now but don’t focus on him or his life. Karma will do it’s job one day. She got a cheater let them have each other cuz it sounds like they deserve one another. Raise ur children n focus on ur life n ur happiness. U deserve better than him!
Keep in mind that everything he has is nothing in comparison to a quality relationship with your children. You’re richer than you think!
He is a addict and acting like a c$nt. Trust me he is on a path off destruction and both you women will get hurt
Instead of resenting him (I promise itll never make anything better)
Just dont expect anything from him. Let him live his life and if he misses his kids growing up thats on him…
I’ve learned… always be proud of youuuuu…
Your raising your babys. Your doing you best… and even if no one says anything. People see that.
Let the resentment go as hard as it is
Your kids will respect you- and not him. That’s your reward
Gotta move on and do for yourself and your babies. Single momming is hard. Did it for 6 years with 3. Hard but so rewarding!
You will be okay. Don’t focus on their lives focus on yours. My daughter just went through this her ex cheated got that girl pregnant and married her…she already owned her home and he moves in and they got married. A little over a year in and when they exchanged the kids he was telling my daughter he’s ready for a divorce. So it’s not always as great as they make it seem .my daughter struggled badly with her children but she now has found a real man that takes care of her, not financially but emotionally and takes care of those kids as if they were his, they now have a home together, decent jobs, a new truck and they are HAPPY!! God knows what you need and your ex isn’t it. Stop letting your jealousy and/or anger make you unhappy…your day will come. Have faith and just love your babies and be grateful for your life with them. Don’t check in on his social media pages and block him from yours. At this point your only commitment to him is your children and if they go to visit, you are not required to have conversation with him about anything that doesn’t concern your children. I know it’s hard to believe right now but it will get better and you will be stronger for this.
This is so sad. Maybe talk to a professional. Also hang on to the fact that maybe she will cheat on hi or his life will fall apart, I would also send her the emails, but I’m petty with people who use/mistreat me🤷♀️. He will get what’s coming to him, but the best thing you can do to get back at him is keep on going and don’t let him think for one second you are sorry he left.
The post doesnt say he doesnt see his children. Im curious to know if he does? Thats a whole different story then. Are you just upset he moved on? Because if he moved on but pays his child support and see’s his children then that’s okay. You just need to figure out a way to let go, be happy with your kids and move on yourself. You deserve happiness. How to get there? That’s the hard part but trust that you are worth it.
I was married 23 yrs to a cheater lest him yr r 2 met a good guy married after a while good partner and friend he past 5 yrs ago I still miss him badly
I have a special needs child. He has a paralyzed arm, severe ADHD, mild ODD, vision problems, and possibly endocrine issues.
My ex…abused me (in every single way), cheated on me, then when he couldn’t break me decided he was done.
He put me in an awful position. Left me holding the bag. Hasn’t paid a single cent of child support. Hasn’t even asked about “our son” in years. Hes got a girlfriend(?) Wife(?).
I grieved. I went through the motions. I worked. I threw everything i had into my new life. I got help when i needed it (counseling and medication). I’ve learned how to cope. I’ve learned to change my perspective.
I’m not angry. I’m not bitter. I don’t care.
I get to watch my son grow.
I get to be the one cheering him on.
I get to be the one who celebrates his achievements.
I get to be the one who comforts him when he fails.
I get to be the one to see his eyes light up when something excites him.
I get to do that WITHOUT the drama.
When it comes down to it, I am the lucky one of the two of us.
Im married with a 2 year old in addition to my 6 year old. My husband is the only “dad” my oldest has ever really known.
Its not as hopeless as you think, but you have a lot of healing to do before you’ll be able to see the possibilities.
You get over it and move on
It takes time and is a process. Counseling can help
Smoke hella weed og kush or sum orange/banana 2b exact…everything else will fall n2 place…fugg dat mugg
Stop worrying about how and what he is doing and be thankful your getting money every month from him cause most of us don’t get a penny. Mine ran off after 20 years of abuse and cheating and 4 kids. He left me so high and dry that my utilities got cut off for more than 2 months but I made it work, got a better job and just kept pushing forward. My kids from him are grown now and I’m getting ready to remarry and none of that would’ve happened if I held on to what he was doing instead of what I needed to do. Focus on you and your kids and when it’s time Mr. Right will come your way and love you and your kids. Work on finding your self and let him and all he’s doing go. If you can’t do this then you will never be able to move on.
I would collect all the flirting emails from him and forward them to her. Sometimes we have to help karma move along a bit. Stop focusing on him. Focus on you and your kids. Keep your head up and a smile on your face. And remember: once a cheater always a cheater. I bet she won’t like it too much when he starts to cheat on her
Stop thinking of the materialistic things he has because those can be gone in an instant. Instead think of the things he’s missing with his children. The day to day that you have with them, the relationship and trust that they know they can depend on from you. There will come a time when he seeks those things but your children will know better. Kids see and understand far more than we give them credit for. Be grateful for the extra 375 a month that most single moms don’t get. It’s all about perspective. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but you have to spread a lot of shit to get that grass to grow. Your time will come and you will feel sorry for him. So she got the man with a drinking problem, whose abusive??? Thank her for taking him off your hands because you and your kids deserve better. Good luck Mama. Focus on the haves, not the have nots
File for a increase in child support
So, he’s an alcoholic cheater who sneaks love messages to you when he’s mad at his wife. And you don’t know if he has tortured thoughts about the a**hole he is. Sounds like you are wise and lucky to be rid of him!
He is likely to lose that “great” job because of alcoholism, and he is likely to lose his new wife because of his cheating ways (does she know he is in touch with you when they fight?). And the kids will eventually understand who gave their all to rest them and be fiercely loyal and protective of you.
But yes, please get counseling. Don’t give him free rent in your head. Focus on an awesome future and grow your support group at work, religious institution, mom’s group, neighborhood so you can get a break for self care.
Doesn’t sound happy to me if he’s trying to slide into your dm’s, and do you really want to be at home with him all happy thinking everything is great when he is hitting someone else up
Self respect and self love is the only cure.
You know he has a good job go get a child support revision. That should get you more money. And when they get married, go again. After that… Move on. Live your life and dont worry about him.
I’m so sorry. I would feel the same way in your position. But you know what? There is a man out there who will love both you and your two kids. It’s just a matter of time.
My simple suggestion is why don’t you involve yourself with church and forget about their dad and what he’s done to you and give it all to God and then MoveOn!!! ￼
Let it go. Seriously. Stop looking at other peoples lives and what t they have. Focus on you and your kids and getting better.
The answer to your question is simple. Choose not to be upset. Everytime your mind goes there, you need to redirect it yourself. Actively think of what you can do to get better. Actively think about things in your life that you can change. By constantly allowing yourself to stay “stuck” on this, you’re literally holding yourself and your own happiness back.
You need to let it go and move on or you are not going to be happy!! Is easy for them to get their shyt together because they don’t have nobody to care and focus on while on the other hand we do!!! Seek help maybe a therapist?? And girl the right man is there waiting for you once you learn to leave the past behind! Look I was left with two girls, I had to work, never done it before because I was a stay at home mom I don’t have any family here and back then didn’t have friends, I worked my ass to move up in the company and I did! Went back and got my GED 6 years later I meet my now husband and we been married for 8 years, he is a wonderful father to my kids (biological dad Isn’t in the pic, he went back to Mexico!) stop worrying about him and let all that grudge go!!
My therapist said when the thoughts occur, label them as toxic thoughts you need to get rid of. Do it repeatedly and it’ll eventually become passive for you.
I’ve truly learned there is someone for everyone. Take time and work on yourself. The right person for you will come and you will truly know it without a doubt.
Please dont take this mean but your to worried about him it’s made you bitter and that’s how this comes off . You need to focus on you not this lame ass dude who treated you like dog shit. Who knows when karma will come a d who cares. If you ask me he gave himself the shitty end of the deal his kids will see him for who he is and it wont be good. As far as struggling girl we are all struggling with something weather its financial or emotional.
Do a local search in your area for Celebrate Recovery. You can take your kid’s with you. They start with Dinner, music, large group, small group, than desert to end.
You may need to go a few times, before you hear a story similar to yours. Small group is an opportunity for you to get your hurts, habits and anger off your chest.
Sometimes I feel this way too…I gave up a pretty great career and life to be stuck single parenting…my son’s father is slowly starting to step up for which I’m thankful for.
You should be soooo proud of what you have achieved and will continue to achieve! As you said, you have a nice house, a nice car, and 2 beautiful kids! It sounds like you’ve worked HARD to get to where you are!!! Your kids will love you and bring you more happiness than any man could! And you will reap the rewards when they’re older and start taking care of you.
Don’t compare your situation to his! The most precious thing in his life is seemingly that woman he cheated on; says much about him as a person.
You keep your 2 beautiful kids and maybe you struggle but in the end you are richer then hes going to be you dont have to put up with a creep like him keep smiling your are heaps better off love of your kids
I think you might benefit greatly from the right therapist. You’ve made some awful choices in your life, and it’s never easy to live with the consequences of poor choices. Even if you think he isn’t having to live with the consequences of his bad choices, he’s not dead, and it will catch up with him. Maybe not in a way that helps you to feel vindicated. But honestly, would you feel any better if he were living in a ditch and not contributing at all to your children’s lives? If the answer to that is yes, then you might want to rethink that “good mom” status. As it is, it sounds like you only find value in being in a relationship. I’m not saying it’s not lonely being on your own, but the way you wrote about it, you dismiss the fact that you have a car and a home of your own because you don’t have a man. A man brings no value to you as a person. You have a lot of growing up to do. You have a lot of soul searching. Your identity should never be tied up in your partner, or your kids, or your job, for that matter. You need to find yourself first. Who are you? What are your long term personal goals (finding a partner is not a personal goal)? Who do you want to be? Do you love and value yourself as an individual (I can answer that right now for you, and it’s a no)? Go see a therapist and get your shit mentally right. Then get your life and your heart to a good sturdy place, then - AND ONLY THEN - can you worry about finding a man. If you do it before that, you’re gonna be a single mother to 3 or 4 kids. RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT WORK, if you don’t value yourself more than the other person, if you don’t have self respect, if you aren’t right mentally and emotionally, if you don’t know 100% who you are and what you want in life, and if you aren’t prepared to compromise in every way, except the aforementioned. Girl, time to get your blue dress and your mittens on and let it go. Worry about you and your kids, and get some help.
There’s a man out there waiting for you and he will love you and your two children. I know this for a fact because everything you posted has happened to me. Except I left my ex. But now I have a husband who raises my children as his own:heart: they don’t know my ex because he hasn’t been around in 8 years. Better days are coming. Just keep doing you and taking care of your kids. I promise it’s worth it:heart:
Go on things will be better for you and your kids!!!
Shit, you’re doing yourself a favor by letting him go. Time doesn’t slow down for anyone so eventually he’ll do the same to her. She’s even dumber than him because she knows the situation and stays. I would never be with a man who is a deadbeat to their kids. That $375 adds up to $6.69 a DAY per kid. That’s just as garbage as he is. The trash took itself out when he walked away from you guys.
Focus on your life and kids. Make a list of goals ? For u and kids. Slowly check each one off. And make sure theyre things that will make u happy. Church can be very helpful. Community for u and kids. A gym, if money can allow it, is great. Especially if u and the kids can swim. Just start having fun. Yes life is going to be hard and you’ll be tired. But u have to enjoy the little moments. Even a movie night with good food may cheer u up.
Keep pressing on. The happier u get, the easier it all will seem. And the good things are coming. Often times, we dont see them, if we are so wrapped up in stress and what other people are doing.
Oh wow…so sorry for the horrible things that happened to you…
But you have to LET GO, and LET GOD…He sees all.
I have been extremely blessed that I lead a very sheltered life…I say that I see the world and my life through “rose-colored glasses” i am 60yrs young and I believe that everyone plays right, doesn’t cheat, steal and lie…but that is NOT the way the world is…I have to remind myself that the world can be a very bad place…and even though there is nothing wrong with the way I view the world…i have to make sure i see it for what it is…
Let Go of what happened and try to concentrate on what you have been BLESSED with…the sooner you change your perspective the better your life will be…God Speed…
trauma counselling. wish you the best. his loss. just remember you are most likely better without him if this is the choices he made.
The harder the struggle the greater reward. Try to give yourself a pat on the back. You have alot to be proud of your self for. Look at the horrible things you have came though and brought 2 babies with you. And you are strong enough to realize that your feeling over the crappy way your ex treated you is something that you need to over come. So many of us fall apart from such emotional and physical abuse and never manage to stop being a victim. So let some of the anger go. It doesn’t seem like he he cares about your feels and so your just giving him power over you by keeping you waiting for him to accept any blame. So it’s hard but you know that and it’s not any harder then what you have all ready been though. Fix your crown, and remember to just keep all the stones life throws at you. They can be used to repair your kingdom. Good luck
Breathe. Take it one day at a time. U have a say in your life. I been there. I quit school my senior yr. Then went back got my GED n graduated college with honors. It’s possible. U have to want it AND don’t compare yourself to others. That was my biggest issue too. Be proud of yourself. I’m sure your babies adore u. YOU are mom. Moms rule😁
First off God bless you . i cant imagine how you must feel . however you are to be applauded for stepping up to the plate . you have much to be thankful for. Your children are well they and you have a warm place that is safe to lay your heads at night .you have work to help provide and you are able and strong . put your ex and his new wife out of your mind …he chose his path so let go of the hurt and anger take a big garbage bag and little sticky notes and write all the things you hold against him . then when you are alone go somewhere private and set it on fill until it is a pile of ash as it burns think about the new life you will have say goodbye to the resentments . tommorow is a new day . who knows you might meet somone who will be wonderful and you will not remember whats his name any more. You got this
God sees you! You just raise those babies and do your best, He will take care of everything else
He’s an alcoholic. He may have a good job so why is he only paying $375 a month? I was a single mom and it used to make me so mad when I would find out he had gone here or there…but he was an alcoholic. It’s hard, I know. Have you thought about getting into a good size church? You just might meet the man of your dreams but if nothing else, it would be good for you and your kids. A good church family will be there for you when you need it.
I hear you, it’s hard sometimes. When my son was little I had to work two jobs and the hours were horrible. But I met a nice man with 3 kids of his own and he had no problem accepting mine. It took awhile but was worth the wait.
Get over the pos! I took the physical, emotional, mental abuse for nearly 30 years. Cheated left/ right- alcoholic-My kids witnessed it all… it was always “ tomorrow will be better “. It wasn’t! Finally, he went to Florida- I made sure he was served divorce papers before he went!!! They don’t change!!! I was lucky at the age of 50 to meet a fantastic man- got married. Best of my life.
First your life was my life minus alcohol but he liked his pot. Go to court and see if you can up the child support. After 11 yrs. I get $400.00/ month & he has a crappy job. Ignore his life & what he’s doing. Go on with your life. I met my soulmate with 2 boys & I have 2 girls. Blended family & its going great! It takes time you will get there.
First you need to think positive and know that when the time is right you will be sent the right person for you. There are plenty of men that will love you with kids and no money. Money is not everything to everyone. You need to try and move on with your life and forget about your ex and what he is doing in his life and what he has. Yes we all get jealous but dont let that block your blessings that are coming to you. Everything will happen it just takes time. I’m sure that eventually you will have a happily ever after and you can laugh in his face that you did it on your own. Also his alcoholism is a disease and until he is sober that is the most important thing in his life. Hopefully he dosen’t lose his relationship totally with his kids because of his disease. I hope this all works out for you, I feel for you but just take one day at a time and keep smiling!!!
It will take time I am remarried
22 yrs but still have my own flash backs .stay with people who love and celebrate you .love your kids …they will be your best friends …you will look back and say …I been through some shit …you will be ok
Stop focusing on his life and get on with your own. What he does is no longer your business.
Do not envy what he (or anyone else) seems to have. Get on your knees and be thankful for what you have…and teach your kids the same. Happiness is not having what you want, it is wanting what you have. Choose wisely…be the example of what you want your kids to aspire to. $$$ and material things are only one (limited) way to keep score.
You need to step back a not compare your life to his. You are seeing the outside, you cant be 100 % sure what it looks like day to day…sure you struggle nd may not have things come as easy as it seems they do for him…but you have something so much better…pride! In your ability to put your kids first, being a good mother, not walking out on your family, your kids will see and understand for themselves someday who was there for them. It isn’t always about the materialistic that can be seen…stop using his life as a mirror…heal yourself and be thankful for what you do have. There is someone out there reading your post wishing they had half of what you currently aren’t happy with. You are holding yourself back and limiting your healing and happiness.
My two cents, you’re not ok…you’re struggling to accept your life direction which is without him. His loss and hes completely wrong to not be there for his kids as much as possible. They are the ones losing the most in the situation.
You cant force another adult to step up to responsibility. While its wrong he didnt pay support from the begining, he is now. His not being there is like he died…would you have income or help if he had passed? Probably not.
You have to set a new path FOR YOU. What are YOU going to do now with your kids? His visitation is a appointment you have to pencil in for your schedule but the rest needs to be the THREE OF YOU with a portion solely for YOU. When the kids are in school or hopefully they have a play date… get some friends or yourself and go out. Dress up as if you’re going on a date and date yourself. Find classes, like those wine and paint classes or take a dance class. Join the gym. When you feel better about you and set goals for yourself, youll be happier and it’ll show and itll attract others. And it will attract a man thats looking for someone he can celebrate.
It was toxic you need to focus on you and your kids and move on! Forget him! I have been through it and that’s how you do it
You won’t ever “get over it.” to be quite honest. What he did will always affect you. How can it not when you have to deal with him because of the kids? What you can do is practice acceptance. Accept that things aren’t fair. Accept that he’s doing well. Accept that he’s trying (at least some) now. Also every time you feel like you want to pity yourself. Try counting your blessings. Such as you’re alive (when you know people who have passed away), you have beautiful children of normal intelligence (when other struggle with infertility or have kids with physical and/or mental limitations), you have a house (when there are people who are homeless) etc. etc. By doing these things you will start to push away the “victim mentality”. Yes he did some horrible things. But the longer you let yourself be envious of him, angry at him, etc. is longer that you are not focusing on being the best you possible, and taking time away from your kids. Don’t compare yourself to him, just do you the best way you can.
Give it to God . Get better not bitter .
Quit crying about it, dwelling over it, pick your chin up and move on.
there are men that will take on two kids as I found one. I wasn’t looking for a husband either but God had a plan for me and He will have one for you too. be patient and good things will happen. If your ex marries this woman you can be he will cheat on her too. In the end you will have the last laugh
If he cheated with her he’ll cheat on her
Yeah, I agree with April. Also, IMO this seems like a maturity problem on BOTH ends. I left my ex husband for my husband because it was toxic. He claims to be doing worse cause he has less help while my husband provides for me, our son and my other 4 children so I can stay home with them. Your situation is what you make it and if you have a nice car house and happy kids you are thriving. Sounds like you’re hanging on to jealously because he’s doing well with someone else. Make your own sucess and his won’t bother you. Also if his support is 375 he’s 1) not thriving or 2) you aren’t struggling.
Damn girl!! First off you need to get out of this poor me attitude. He is in the pass, yes he’s your kids father and he’s the one missing out. Instead of whining and crying over what you don’t have and what you want!! Be grateful for what you have!! You said you have a nice house and car and a job. You kids are healthy. Life could be so much worse!!! Do you know how many single mom’s wish they had it that good. Be glad you have somewhere to live and you and kids aren’t homeless going from Shelter or shelter, or sleeping in a car if they are lucky enough to have one. Your kids aren’t going to bed hungry or sick because you can’t afford medicine. There are a lot of children who aren’t that lucky!! That man made you very unhappy while y’all was together and you are letting him control your happiness now!! Why!! move on! You need to stop comparing what he has to what you don’t have! You change that… I’m a single struggling mom, to I’m a proud woman doing what I have to do to take care of children and you will be surprised at how many men are attracted to you. Quit letting that X rent free space in you mind. Just so you know I was a divorced mom of 2 girls and I worked my ass off to give my girls a good life. I felt like all I did was work and take care of my kids. I was happy but I wanted that someone special and I found him, when I was least expecting it, at a Walmart check out lol we have been married 15 years! Control your on life and stop worrying about his!!
While I am in the most loving and meaningful relationship of my entire life, I still hold a grudge against my ex husband. Not because of what he did to me, but because of what he does to my son every day. See, he had a son from a previous woman. The woman is in prison and he threw that child away to his dad first chance he got. When we divorced he was there for our son. Then his dad couldn’t care for his first son anymore and was removed by the state and placed back with my ex. Since that happened in August he has called our son 3 times and hasn’t come to see him once. I know the truth of what happened after but my son is too young to know adult business. All he knows is that big brother moved in with dad and dad stopped coming around. When What actually happened was dad signed big brother away to his roommates and went off the deep end doing drugs. We suspect he was already on drugs starting this past summer because of an unhealthy amount of weightloss but it wasn’t confirmed until his roommate asked me for psych and educational records on big brother. I’ve gotten off track. To me, it’s ok to hold a grudge against an ex doing you and your kids wrong as long as 1) You don’t let the kids know and 2) You don’t let it dictate who you are and what you do.
I am married 23 years and it took me that too walk away. It’s hard but he was a bully and abusive mentally and physically. Protect yourself walk away if you have a doubt. Sorry my opinion.
After a divorce another 10 years in a relationship with 2 years of it basically a loveless relationship, I am here to say there is someone out there for you.
Just not when your looking. My husband is 12 years younger then I. I came with 5 children and we had a daughter together. My boys call him Dad because their biological dad is non existent at this time and he loves and treats them like his blood.
I wasn’t looking to meet anyone, I just busted my ass working on myself and I met my husband and 1 yr latter we got married. It’s been the best chapter of my life. My husband recently recieved a major promotion at work, I’ve heard about his ex just using him for a pay check, We’ve struggled and survived, but were making it. Everything we’ve been through it’s nice to see him reap the rewards to his hard work, I’m so proud of him. When you least expect it, it will happen. And it won’t happen in a place you’d expect it to, nope.
Best of luck to you, don’t you give up. You’re worthy and deserve tobe loved too, your time is coming.
“got two kids out of me” whaaaat? You make it sound like he forced you lol
The guys a total NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE! Read and study Narcissistic Abuse! This is narc abuse you’re dealing with. Follow my friends page for support…
My Emotional Vampire
Seek professional help. Counsellor, therapist, psychologist. Best thing you will ever do for yourself.
You’re not alone - literally millions of women deal with the same thing you are. Many of them don’t have houses and cars. Be grateful for what you have. Keep working at it. Your time will come.
You may benefit from Al-anon
Put the focus on you, at the end of each day ask what are you proud you did . What are you grateful for.
See when we focus on others we miss those moments that may have brought us joy
We can not change anyone but ourselves. May the Peace of Christ be with you
His life isn’t yours, and you are right… life isn’t fair so be glad he’s gone since you don’t want him back. Reply to his emails that you will only discuss the kids going forward. That relationship is done and sounds like for good reason. You are a strong woman and mom, show your kids through struggles there’s good too. Not sure where you are but in Texas the child support mandate is 20% of the non custodial parent (mom or dad doesn’t matter) and medical insurance through the AG.
Your kids know who has always been there for them… That’s something they will never forget. I know it’s tough. I’m in a similar situation, and woul have loved to have gotten everything I have the easy way. Then again, struggling has made who I am. People who have to be strong and fight for success know how to feel empathetic towards others who need it. They understand others who also struggle. God has given you this path for a reason, and even though you don’t understand what it is, one day you will look back and be able to see what those reasons were.
It sounds like you just need to focus on yourself and your kids right now. Someone will come along who deserves what you have to offer and vice versa.
Look to God for strength. Being with someone who is not good for you can still make you feel very alone
I’d rather just go ahead & be alone until God brings you to the right person. Also, let your children’s father go cause once a cheater the likelihood of them doing it again is extremely strong. You don’t want that again. Be proud of your accomplishments. You are role modeling for your children what a great mom can do & will do for her & her family!! You Rock!!