How Can I Get Over My Ex (Who Is Also the Father of My Baby)?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"I have a three-year-old daughter with my baby’s dad; I left him about nine months ago. After I left him, he got married to a 35-year-old female, and he’s 24 now. She lives in California, so he goes and comes whenever he wants…

At times, I miss him, but I can’t ever forgive him for basically not marrying me… when we were together for six years … how do I move on?

He doesn’t ask for our baby. Or even ask if she needs anything… he only comes around when he wants to be a dad… I did take him back what? 2 months ago to try it out… again… but yet I come to find out he’s still married to her, and things just weren’t the same. How do I move on?"

RELATED QUESTION: I can’t get over my ex: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“Stop being a doormat. He is just using you. Get some self-respect and move on.”

“Personally … walk away and take control of the relationship. Don’t allow him to be ‘a convenience dad’… that will never end well for your child. Make him know he’s in or out, but there’s no middle in a parenting sense.”

“‘One of the hardest things to go through is mourning the loss of someone who is still alive.’ -Unknown (My mom said this to me during a break up). Take it day by day and remind yourself that your child deserves a happy mom. Remind yourself why he isn’t the one. Remind yourself to love yourself more than he ever did. Find something you enjoy, even if it’s hanging at a friend’s place and gossiping. One day you will think less of him (if at all) and that’s when it will hit you, 'Hey I didn’t think of him and I had a good day. I’m healing!” You will be okay, more than okay! Hang in there, mama."

“Truth is if you love him it will take a long time to get over it. Take it day by day… it is one of the hardest things you can do.”

“Turn all your energy and attention towards your children. Just say it out loud if it helps. My children deserve my devoted attention and unconditional love because that’s what they give me. He only gives me heartache and discontent so I’m turning my back to the past (him) and I’m facing and looking forward w my children and I am going to be the mom they deserve. You will have to make a concentrated effort but I promise the love you give your children will give you so so much more in return.”

“You won’t move on until you’re ready. But keep this in your mind at all times, is it worth wasting your best years on a man who isn’t worth it. He’s playing his game, your the one who controls the field. The minute you say no more, he will try and crawl back. But remember your worth and carry on for your daughter and yourself. He isn’t going to change.”

“When I feel sad and overwhelmed I run. Release good endorphins and rechannel your energy. Worked for me.”

“One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Live your life for the child all will fall into place given time.”

“He will never be good for you or for any other woman either. Have you sorted out custody and co-parenting, access, etc? He needs an access timetable, only allowed access as is set out not turning up maybe, whenever… if ye have 50/50 then make him stick to that. Only talk about your child with him… you can be strong. Keep contact with your friends and family. Has he parents, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews who should maintain contact with your daughter? They might be more reliable than him. I can’t get how you finished with him, in months he had married some one else…you took him back again as a married man…to see if you could …do what…live with a man married to someone else… no-no-no. You were lucky you didn’t get married…how would you cope when he would be unfaithful to you like he’s been unfaithful to his wife… lucky escape. You deserve better than that… much better. Keep that in mind. You will find a man who will appreciate ye. Take up pram jogging. Good luck.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

24 Likes
2

Stop being a doormat. He is just using you. Get some self respect and move on.

15 Likes
3

Focus on yourself and your child.

7 Likes
4

Personally … walk away and take control in relationships sence. Dont allow him to be “a convience dad”… that will never end well for your child. Make him know he’s in or out but there’s no middle in a parent sence

9 Likes
5

He’s giving you everything you need to do that… keep communication/contact about your child only. Period.

4 Likes
6

When I feel sad and overwhelmed I run. Release good endorphins and rechannel your energy. Worked for me.

3 Likes
7

He was just using you it happens just try to focus on you and your child you deserve better

8

You put your own feelings for his aside, and try to reason with yourself. Why would you want to be with a man that is not a good and consistent father to his child?

1 Like
9

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Live your life for the child all will fall into place given time.

3 Likes
10

Truth is if you love him it will take a long time to get over it…take it day by day…it is one of the hardest things you can do…

3 Likes
11

Move on…been there done that

12

Tell him to go kick rocks

13

He’s married and you say he’s there for his child … move on!

2 Likes
14

Ask yourself, Would you want your daughter to go through this? Moving on is hard but possible, focus on keeping yourself and your daughter happy.

3 Likes
15

Yuck. Gross. Toss him out.

3 Likes
16

Move on! You and that baby both deserve someone better. Your sweet baby deserves a good father figure who treats her momma with respect. Don’t break up a marriage, that’s wrong

1 Like
17

You won’t move on until your ready. But keep this in your mind at all times, is it worth wasting your best years on a man who isn’t worth it. He’s playing his game, your the one who controls the field. The minute you say no more, he will try and crawl back. But remember your worth and carry on for your daughter and yourself. He isn’t going to change.

6 Likes
18

Run girl, he is user!

1 Like
19

He will never be good for you or for any other woman either. Have you sorted out custody and co parenting, access etc. He needs an access timetable, only allowed access as is set out not turning up maybe, whenever… if ye have 50/50 then make him stick to that. Only talk about yer child with him… you can be strong. Keep contact with your friends and family. Has he parents, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews who should mantain contact with your daughter. They might be more reliable than him. I cant get how you finished with him, in months he had married some one else…you took him back again as a married man…to see if you could …do what…live with a man married to someone else…no no no. You were lucky ye didnt get married…how would you cope when he would be unfaithful to you like hes been unfaithful to his wife…lucky escape. Ye deserve better than that…much better. Keep that in mind. You will find a man who will appreciate ye. Take up pram jogging. Good luck. :four_leaf_clover:

1 Like
20

Build a decent co parenting relationship and move on :two_hearts:
Promise it’s worth it

2 Likes
21

Move on with your baby hun :sparkling_heart: truth is, he doesn’t care, but at least you know that, no point wasting you time on him, not worth it, best of luck :sparkling_heart: xx

2 Likes
22

Find things that you enjoy doing and you will see how happy you can be without a man…may take awhile to start noticing it but it’ll come

23

Put on some snow tha product lol. Boss up baby girl

2 Likes
24

Wash your face, push your shoulders back & move on…

25

I would walk away, straight to an attorney. He needs to pay child support. That’s first. Second, he apparently doesn’t want to be married to you, or to anyone. I think you dodged a bullet.

2 Likes
26

Think about your daughter. You don’t want her seeing this. Just worry about you and her enjoy her and life and you will see that you are happier than ever

27

Move on and worry most about your bond with your babies. Be there to help heal and uplift as a mother does.

28

Lol you took him back. That was your first mistake you move on.

2 Likes
29

File for full custody, child support and move on.

4 Likes
30

Turn all your energy and attention towards your children. Just say it out loud if it helps… My children deserve my devoted attention and the unconditional love because that’s what they give me. He only gives me heartache and discontent so I’m turning my back to the past(him) and I’m facing and looking forward w my children and I am going to be the mom they deserve. You will have to make a concentrated effort but I promise the love you give your children will give you so so much more in return.

2 Likes
31

You can and will move on. Letting go will be the first step.

2 Likes
32

I feel your pain. While I was pregnant my sons dad moved in with his ex girlfriend. They aren’t together anymore but it hurt me soooo much. He didn’t leave her & actually try to be a dad until our son was about 5-6 months. My advice is take this time to focus on you. Better yourself. He will see exactly what he’s missing, trust me!! Focus on your goals & your daughter. Self care, get yourself done up (do your hair, makeup, anything!) to feel better. I really do feel your pain & I know you’re going to feel better & do great!

33

He’s either a dad all the time or none of the time, he doesn’t get to pick when its convenient.

3 Likes
34

Wake up each day and make you and your daughter priority #1.

35

“One of the hardest things to go through is mourning the loss of someone who is still alive.” -Unknown (My mom said this to me during a break up). Take it day by day and remind yourself that your child deserves a happy mom. Remind yourself why he isn’t the one. Remind yourself to love yourself more than he ever did. Find something you enjoy, even if it’s hanging at a friends place and gossiping. One day you will think less of him (if at all) and that’s when it will hit you, "Hey I didn’t think of him and I had a good day. I’m healing :smiley: " You will be okay, more than okay! Hang in there mama.

3 Likes
36

He’s married… period.

37

He’s never going to step up and be a real father, and your kid deserves better. It’s not fair on the kid for him to pop in and out of her life. It’s not easy to get over someone you love, but if you distract yourself with work, and being the best mom you know how, then one day, you’ll realize that you are thinking about him for the first time in months, then it becomes years. Eventually, you are so over it, that you look at your husband, and wonder why you are so lucky to have someone love your kid the same way you do, and you have forgotten about the bio dad completely.

38

Quit giving this man all this power over you and the control over your feelings. There are waaaay too many people on this world to get hung up on one. The way to get over one man is to let another one in. But don’t have a revolving door of men in and out of your child’s life either. No introducing unless it becomes SERIOUS

3 Likes
39

Invest your extra time on YOU and your baby! Go back to school and bring more value to yourslef. By the time you know it, you will much more knowledgable a when you least expect it, you will be celebrating your accomplishments and achievements with your daughter. You will also teach her self respect and value. :heart::raised_hands::heart::pray::raised_hands: May God Bless you and your baby girl.

2 Likes
40

Oh my God awls I can say is prayers to you I know that heartbreak That this takes take care of yourself and be happy that you’re blessed with a little one

41

You didn’t mention child support? If none, take him to court, it’s his baby too. Then, keep telling yourself you can do better. It’s time to harden your heart and protect your soul. We’ve all been in your shoes and survived the pain. Love and hugs to you.

3 Likes
42

Love yourself!! Love your child! Hes married so yes let it all go and as soon as you do someone will be sent for you but you have to do the actual healing work for yourself. Move forward and never look back! He dont even care about himself hes not even a real man.

2 Likes
43

Let go. Your beautiful babies don’t deserve an in-and-out father, and you don’t deserve a man who can’t stay faithful or true. It’ll be hard. But you all deserve so much better!! Prayers and positive vibes!! You got this! :revolving_hearts:

1 Like
44

Well your first mistake you went back. Never go back honey. Always and forever move forward. He’s playing you now. Sometimes he wants to be a dad and sometimes he wants to be married. You need to put your foot down and stop this! It’s destroying you. Stop it. Move in find better. Have some self worth. You are better then this. Find a man that loves you for you not a leftover. Sorry if I’m being to harsh but it’s not good for you inner soul.

3 Likes
45

Move on and build yourself up.I am in a similar situation with my baby daddy and I’m doing the best for my son.Strongs to you.

46

I am going to give you the best advise . the only way you can move on is cut all ties?.
Don’t talk to him get some one to be the middle man. If not you will always be and fill this way

47

You are torturing yourself! You deserve more don’t let this person sabotage your life and your choices.

48

You imagine what you would want your daughter to do in the same situation. Your her biggest role model.

3 Likes
49

Shut the door and keep on walking

2 Likes
50

i think he does this because he can and will do so untill you say enought

51

Kick him to the curb!

1 Like
52

Let it go. It takes time.

53

Girl your better off, just be glad you aren’t with someone who doesn’t want to be a part of their baby girls life. Real love their kids especially their daughters. Take time to heal your heart and ease your mind. Be with someone you would want for your daughter to bring home one day and dont allow a man to treat you any way you wouldn’t want your daughter to be treated.

54

This is going to sound harsh, but if he wanted to be married to you he would have asked you. He doesn’t want to be a father or a husband. I hope you are getting monetary support for the baby and as for you just pretend like he died , grieve as long as you need to and then get on with your life . I wish someone had given me advise 35 years ago.

7 Likes
55

He sounds easy to rid yourself of. Believe me, you will feel GREAT once you take that step. Just have to be strong and stick to the mentality that you don’t need him. Part time fathers are not fathers.

56

Why wanna be with someone who makes it OBVIOUS he doesn’t want to be with you? Don’t let him play on your heart strings. This is where you need to be tough on yourself and not allow yourself to give in. Cut ties. Change your number. Block him on socials. Basically act like you don’t even know who he is. Don’t stalk him. Who cares about what he does in his spare time. You can’t quit feeling a certain way about someone if you keep tabs. Act like he was never born. Go out. Feel yourself. Meet new people. And kindly let this man fuck off.

57

Get a therapist. Work on yourself. When you get some confidence maybe you’ll be tired of being the yoyo. You are hurting yourself and your baby by not setting boundaries.

1 Like
58

This is harsh but move the FUCK on if he wanted you he’d be with you nothing can keep a man that don’t want to be kept

1 Like
59

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60

If he married someone else and not you, then it’s clear he never intended to stay with you long term. It’s painful but you’ve got to move on. Stop contacting him, let him contact you. Take him to court to work out custody and child support. Move to a different location and don’t let him stay with you when he comes to visit his child. Start going on dates and looking for someone new.

61

Think about your child. Do you want her in that kind of relationship? Do you want her to see your guy’ toxic relationship and think thats how its supposed to be? It’s hard to move on from someone you love but take it one day at a time.

62

Take him to court! Thats the first step momma. If he is a convience father the court will see that and award you full custody. Sometimes people are not meant to get married. Maybe he knocked the other girl up before marrying her? How old are you? Could maturity be playing a role?

1 Like
63

The way you get over someone quicker is to meet someone new. Don’t waste good years on someone that isn’t interested in you.

64

Oh honey, you need some self-esteem. You are letting him walk all over you like a doormat. Work on yourself. Go on-line, get some books, but work on your self image; because if you don’t you will attract the same asshole again. You don’t need anybody except your child. You never accept less than your worth. EVER! Once you begin working on your self-esteem you will forget about the asshole-deadbeat-sperm donor-prick.

65

I wouldn’t be worried about him not marrying u hun sounds like u had a lucky escape don’t try make him step up just be there for ur daughter fuck him !

66

When your ready you will know & it will happen

67

Find someone else its easier to move on even if its just a date here and there…

1 Like
68

Best way to move on is to get up under someone else! He will be sorry then! Sounds very crude but it’s true!

69

You accept that he did it.
He meant it.
It wasn’t an accident.
Your feelings didn’t count to him.
He wasn’t the person you were in love with.
He just pretended to be.
He’s just a sack of shit standing on a bag if dicks wrapped in a trench coat pretending to be a functional human.
The person you want, doesn’t exist, in that body.
You can’t love, what isn’t real.
You grow a callous over the burn, and you move on.
And all of that takes time.
It’ll happen.
In the mean time, don’t initiate contact with him for anything but your shared child and don’t let him back in your bed.

70

Girl get rid of him if he doesn’t love his child he ain’t ever gonna love you

71

Child support. Move on

72

More fish in the sea

73

Just focus on working on your self, make yourself feel beautiful ! do some exercise, go to the beauty parlour, live in the moment and have fun. Once you love yourself. someone will come your way who will love you and appreciate you in every way💕