I and my husband just celebrated our six-year anniversary. Last year around this time, I found out about an affair he was having. He ended up leaving me for her but quickly came back home; he did this three times within a month. The other woman had constantly harassed me while it was all going on. Anyways to make a long story short, this past year he’s done everything to regain my trust and has completely changed, I know he loves me, but I’m not able to let go of what happened. I love him more then I could ever explain but I’m constantly having terrible nightmares, I have severe separation anxiety and I’m obsessed with trying to find out what the other woman is doing or trying to find a way actually to see her in person, you would think after a year I would be able to move a little past at least it. Thanksgiving last year was when they had their first intimate time together, I found out. So now the idea of thanksgiving makes me sick. I’m in therapy, and we also go together, but nothing is helping. I’m constantly lashing out; I’ve started drinking all the time which is something I’ve never done before, I just need to know that there is someone that has made it through this and was able to live normally. Thank you to anyone with advice
Divorce. They don’t change
You can’t get over betrayal like that !! Leave the loser , he won’t change !!
It never leaves your mind,you have to just leave or get over it
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Divorce the fucker!
I’ve seen marriages reconcile after affairs. Just because other guys continue to cheat doesn’t mean your man is going to. I would definitely go to therapy to talk this out.
If you can’t let it go or find some way to heal n move on then you might as well leave your husband. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but what you’re doing to yourself is unhealthy n I can tell by reading this you’re not happy. Life is too short to be unhappy!
Yeah. That never goes away. After time, some days it’s not in your mind. But anything can trigger it. Obviously thanksgiving is gonna be one of yours. But, the trust is already broken.
Take care of you. There is a better life out there beyond him.
Divorce. He blew it. You get a fresh start without the constant worry. He can deal with himself. I’m sorry.
If you want to stay then you’re going to just take it day by day but it sounds like you’re self destructing in the meantime and that’s not healthy either. I honestly think you need to take a break for yourself and him. You may just be dragging out the inevitable and killing yourself in the process.
The affair was not your fault. Your husband is very selfish and not totally committed to the marriage. You need to make a choice for yourself and the choice should not be self destruction. Stop believing your husband. His actions are a part of who he is. Also, you know what you need to do. Stop right now. Do what’s best for you.
Done it once he will defo do it again
Adios to the husband. Not worth your well being.
Kick him to the curb.He did it to you 3 times. He,ll do it again…
if you have gone to therapy n thats not helping it means you will never move on from it.
… in my opinion there is no excuse for an affair I give you all the credit in the world by giving him another shot but I have to agree with lots of these ladies wear once a cheater always a cheater you get married for a reason and if your husband chooses to sleep with somebody else then he’s got serious issues and unfortunately you’re not the only one that he’s interested in being with
Save yourself… divorce him and move on. How disrespectful of him to cheat…come back multiple times and allow this woman to harass you. If this is your reality…you are punishing yourself because you feel unworthy…because of his actions.
Take action yourself…for yourself. Get rid of him and move into taking care of yourself. Get some help… but shut his crap off. 
You have to move on. It’s about you now. Your emotional well being has to be healed. You have to heal. If he’s around after that I doubt very seriously you’ll want him again. Let God heal you❤
I took care of a lady that had a stroke a few years back. Her and her husband had been married over 50 years. Apparently he had cheated on her a couple years into the marriage and she had reconciled with him. 50 damn years later it was still destroying her on a daily basis; she’d have me chase him down in the garage and have him come back in where she could see him but then she’d obsess to her daughter at night that she didn’t know what we’d done in the garage, stuff like that. Every day. And she was a full on psychiatrist before her stroke. If you can’t move on, you can’t move on.
Times really does heal all
Yes, marriage counseling helps
Alcohol will never help. You may not be able to forget. Forgive is one thing but to forget is harder. You can not continue to drive yourself crazy over the past. Youbeither have to let it go and trust he will not cheat again or simply walk away. Obviously this is taking a tole on your wellbeing. Please dont let it take you too far south. Pray for guidance. Much luck
Sometimes trust can’t be rebuild. Seek God truly. He’s the only way
One has to forgive over and over but it does come. Your marriage will be stronger after getting through this, but it will take time. Divorce is harder than working through it.
Just heal for yourself the rest will follow. Regardless how it turns out you are the eliminate goal.
he will continue to cheat
I don’t have any good advice but I feel really bad for you
Leave nothing is worth your peace of mind
I’ve had two cheating husband’s. Sadly I wasn’t able to move on until I got them out of my life.
Put yourself first .you deserve better.he will never change.ive been there.
Either you forget it forgive and move on or you dont. Time isnt going to change you forgetting that shit, especially about an affair. And how do you know he isnt just regaining your trust to go and cheat this time without getting caught?
honestly if you love him and can get past your insecurities about the situation press on but if its always in the back of your mind and you hold it against him move on…my husband cheated on me a couple times with a diffrent woman each time and used to talk to orther woman over the internet alot" also cheating to me" and i stright up asked him WTF…WHATS THE REASON FOR IT…for my husband it was insecurity of his self and lack of me showing him he was important to me…but its your life do what makes you happy…my husband and i are still together and CHEATING free for 5 years
From my personal experience, I never got over it. You’ll be in a “sinking ship” if you can’t let it go. It’s a waste of life, time and effort. Getting a divorce was the BEST decision I’ve made for my emotional and mental well- being. Anything that’s costing your peace, is too expensive.
You are a better woman than me! Trust is so hard to regain after a breach as serious as an affair. I’m a covert huge ugly green monster of jealousy. Right now, for some reason I think my husband is a little too friendly with a woman who works at a sex item boutique up the street. He had responded to a FB post so she showed up in the “people you may know” column on my Facebook. My intuition tells me there some attraction in the air between him and her. We went in this shop at my request on date night a couple of weeks ago and he started acting really strange. Following me around like a puppy and wanting public display of affection while we were in there. When we first got there I made a comment about his girlfriend that worked there. I’ve never seen the expression on his face when I said that. She acted like she knows him really well. What do ya’ll think? Emotional affair? Real real affair? Having thoughts about an affair? Lord please can anyone offer me advice?? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get all caught up in my own shit. I Have To Know What Ya"ll Think About This Situation? Should I be afraid?
I was in the same boat it seemed he tried to change. Years later I found out all he really tried to change is hiding it better. He was still doing the same sh!t.
I can’t tell you what to do but trust your gut feeling.
“Trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
I have made it through. Get control of the drinking. There isnt a time frame to get over it.
I had an affair. I got caught. It took time to gain his trust back, we almost seperated many times. It was so very hard and felt like we were beating a dead horse. He can’t heal you, he can only try to earn that trust back. But if you can’t heal, you’ve got to let him go.
Communication was the key in our relationship. It still hurt him years after and there would be flare ups of anger and betrayal. And I had to learn to accept that just because I had guilt and regret that that didn’t mean he wasn’t entitled to feel what he felt.
I made a mistake. I was young, insecure and selfish all away around. But we made it through and are so very happy. And I have never betrayed his love since. But this is just a personal experience and all relationships are different. I wish you the best and send healing thoughts to your heart.
Went through same, i felt lost on what to do, didnt have anyone to talk too, so its still hard i havent slept good cause i wake up and think…
Its never easy. You’ll never fully move past this. Not with counselling not with him trying to regain trust. This kinda thing is just you willing to try to live day to day… Ive been through this and it never goes away. I think less about it 10 years later but its still there. Im so sorry
It takes more than a year to heal. I couldn’t do it, but good luck to you 
You never get over it, it changes every aspect of your life.
You CAN get thru this but it will be hard. I went thru this same thing 6 years ago. Destroyed me for a while. We are together and stronger now but it won’t ever be the same. It can’t be. I don’t obsess anymore but I won’t ever forget either. It just pops into my mind at random times. You have to choose to forgive and work thru it, or you have to leave the relationship and STILL work thru it. Stop drinking! It isn’t going to help as much as it is going to damage you. You don’t need that on top of it all.
Sounds like you don’t want to let it go.
Take him out in the yard and whoop his ass till you feel better. Then drop it and let it go.
Sometimes it takes awhile, (therapy ) Rome wasn’t built in a day. This won’t be easy. Your task is to decide if it’s worth it. Because if it’s not worthy, you will fail. No matter how much therapy you do.
I was kinda joking about whooping his ass, but, I do know a few it worked for. So, lol, use your judgement, lol
He will continue as long as you take him back. I’d get rid of him for good. So No.
All you giving them the power over you?
experienced the same i couldnt get over it either why because the trust was gone
Find out all you need to about her and ask all the questions you need till you get it out of your system if you really want your marriage to work and you truly love him and want to work it out. And yes, you’ll go through the trauma again every holiday until you can let it go. There’s also a BUT…BUT if you can’t let it go or see/feel yourself not able to let it go then it’s HIM you need to let go for what he’s chosen to do so YOU can move on and put all that pain and deceit behind you and be healthy and move on again. Remember that anyone who’s truly in love with you will never cheat on you 

Stupseeeee why u asking for advice when ya seem to enjoy the cheating mofo…is either tek de horn and stay quiet or leave with ya sanity intact
How can a man love you then leave you he obviously returned because things never worked out as he had plan ,if he finds somebody that its actually works out with he’s not coming back .
We all make mistakes .Some bigger than others. You both keep going to counseling. Pray and go to church. I don’t know if your a christain or not . I just know through God all things is possible. It helped me in my marriage with problems . It wasn’t easy for both us . I actually left. For about 3 months and filed for a divorce . I did come back to my husband of 30 years . I couldn’t and wouldn’t want my life without him. We was able to work through our problems because we both wanted our marriage to work. It has to be the both to be as one. I hope and pray this is of some help.
He’s not changed hun he’s hiding it better
We teach people how to treat us… by taking him back over and over you have shown him it is acceptable for him to stray and you will take him back…the drinking is going to take yoy down if you let it continue take control of your life and send him on his way one time may be a mistake 2 and 3 times is manipulation
Give it at least 2 years if you want it to work. It takes the heart and mind a long time to heal after such devastion. Continue with counceling and let it ALL out during those sessions. Pray, pray and pray … find a way from within to put this in the Lord’s hands.
I’m sorry this happened to you but it’s one of my deal-breakers a happens and you’re done
Simple!! You get a get a garbage bag and throw the whole dam man away, cuz he’s trash. And then you find a new husband… easy peezzy!! 
You are not alone. The majority of long-term relationships endure this in some form at one time or another. It is not at all about you. It is about him, his insecurities, his lack of self-control, his inability to engage in deep intimacy with one person. There is no value in drinking to escape it - the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and work on your own happiness and well being. Pour energy into building up your physical strength, exercise and explore your own interests.
Look i left my husband after him cheating i no longer wanted him around me but he wont grant me my divorce
Idk I’m 3 yrs out and still struggle every.single.day. it sucks
Realize nothing in life is perfect put it in the past and move forward but make it very clear to him if it happens again then that’s it the drinking is only going to add problems not solve them
I understand this well. Sadly my pain and anxiety about it hasn’t gone away and it’s been almost 3 years and it only happened once. I personally, could not have dealt with what you went through, I would of let the other woman have him, or get back at him and screw another man. Not the best advice but…you could play karma , let him know how it feels to be completely betrayed.
Would you want to keep living like this for the next 6 years? If you dont. Call it quits.
This happened to me last year . It was one of his co workers . Happened on Thanksgiving day .I had serious mental issues after that then start drinking everyday just to cope then started having panic attacks . I am put on medication now . We are still together I forgave him but it was the hardest thing I ever had to decide in my life . 6 weeks ago I finally stopped check-in on her constantly . I still sometimes throw it back in his face but I’m learning it’s not gunnav fix anything bc I chose to stay and work it out. If he is truly changing then forgive him if that is what your heart desires other wise u will end up crazy . Leave him if u can’t it’s not fair for your well being
Get rid of him and move on. People show you who they are and you should believe.
This wont be the last time he does this. You deserve to be happy…
So sorry you are going through this. I don’t think you can ever trust him again. Once a cheater, always a cheater! 
Well… I stayed in my marriage for 8 1/2 years. My ex husband was an Habitual Cheater. No matter how many times you forgive, it only gets worse. The sneaking, the lying, it didn’t get better. The wondering why are you late coming home, where you going, who are you talking too, it gets old. Constantly you looking over your shoulder. You can’t eat, You can’t sleep, nerves all jack up. You feel like you’re going crazy. You put on a face that everything is fine, when it’s not. I live in a small town, so everyone knew. From his brothers, to my sister’s in laws, just as well as friends, know one said a word. He says I Love you, your not doing anything wrong, your the best wife, your the best step mother to my kids, your a real good person. Then what’s wrong. Nothing… He says. I’m not doing nothing you Crazy. We had so much in common, he was a good provider, we had No kids together. He had 4 kids two baby mothers, I had 4 kids to baby daddies. When you get Tried of all the bull shit, you will leave and won’t look back. 13 years I’ve been divorced and very happy. Still learning about me. He taught me so much. You will get through this. Pray about it and let God do his work. That’s his lost… 
for you. God Bless you
I could never for give either so I had to move on there was no trust left
Sometimes you have to let go. Your biggest enemy is your mind Nd if it continues to eat you alive you won’t be able to get past it. I’ve gone through the same thing. Only mine had a girlfriend he loved for 7 months and after 4 months with her he got me pregnant. He left me for her while pregnant called the cops on me after I had baby. It’ll never end. It’s still bothers me and hurts my heart. But healing can only happen when you take care of your mind. Your heart know how to heal on it’s own.
Therapy by yourself and with your husband if you decide to continue this relationship
Sounds like he made his choice just changed his mind as a matter of convenience perhaps. I could never be okay with this situation. Being 2nd choice is not why I got married.
You’ll never get over it. Get out and gain your sanity back
Loving someone isn’t enough, you need trust, respect, honesty. Don’t let his actions destroy you. If you aren’t better with him, you might be better without him.
I couldn’t get over it, the relationship and trust was ruined, I just didn’t want to believe it for a long time. I eventually ended it. My mental health and happiness in life was more important.
If you can’t let it go then you have to let him go, don’t ever let anyone tell you you should give up on your marriage PERIOD
Only you can decide what you are willing to live with… trust is one of the strongest emotions we as humans feel. Once it’s damaged it can rarely be repaired. In most cases it will never be repaired…, there will always be a small voice in your head saying what if? You need to dig deep and ask yourself are you truly willing to live with that voice? If not save yourself a lot of heartache and walk away! It is extremely painful to do, but only you know what you are willing to live with! Me without trust there is nothing! But you have to dig deep down and really decide take all advice out of your thoughts and only think about what you need to live your life in peace! Blessed be
His actions show how he felt about you. Why be miserable to keep a man that has no respect for you? If he had love and respect, he would have never done it, much less 3 times. Sorry hun. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.
Let go hun xx it’s hard but hanging on is just a slow death😓
You’ll never get over it. Nor should you really. You are currently on a self destroy mode and you will continue down this path until you are unrecognizable. He will then say I can’t live like this anymore I’m out. You’ll be left totally broken and now with a slue of new issues.
It’s hard but I’d say best to cut the chord. At least before you have children. If you already do focus on co parenting and being the best mom you can.
He had the best and decided to destroy it. Why does he get more ?
If you shatter a plate and glue it back together it’s still cracked.
Choose the life you want and jump. Good luck
Change the locks
Change your life 
Someone will come along and you won’t have to share & compete
Same stage right now
Leave him and forget about his existence
It will get better and disappear when you get him out of your life. I know that from experience. He is a source of pain and a constant reminder. Easier said than done, I know from experience as well, especially when you really love someone. You will never trust him again and you will drive yourself crazy. Please don’t allow his horrible actions to ruin your life. We only have one life, live it with happiness and joy. It won’t be easy to move on from him. But it is necessary for you. I wish I could say that counseling helps and watching him work hard to rebuild his trust helps. Honestly, none of it helps. I can imagine as you watch him trying to rebuild his trust and be a good person, you also still have doubts if he’s actually being honest with you. When someone breaks your trust and they show you what kind of lying, sneaky, manipulative
human being they are… You can never go back to the way things were before. For me, that was actually one of the most painful parts. Our marriage wasn’t perfect but we had a really fun time together and made a lot of amazing memories. I miss the person that I used to think he was. With time, I have accepted it and moved forward. You do not deserve to live your life this way. I know 100% everything that you are going through because I went through it as well. I can tell you there is happiness waiting for you. But you are never going to find it by staying with the person that has caused you so much pain. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe God reveals the sins of others, to show us who they really are. The day I removed him from my life for good, is the day it all went away. It was like when I packed his bags, I also packed a little suitcase filled with all the pain, self doubt, betrayal, lies, abuse, disrespect, slander and all the misery and watched him walk out the door. He took all that with him. Now he can go dump that little suitcase on another poor woman.
If you need someone to talk to. Please reach out. I have been through it all!
Big hugs❤
Once trust is broken it’s almost impossible to get it back. I was married 26 years and found out my ex husband was cheating on me. He didn’t want to be married anymore so I divorced him. He remarried 5 months later. He’s her problem now. Do I have trust issues? Yup. I’ve been single for 10 years now and enjoy my freedom.
Sorry to say but dump the sob
Don’t stay with him if u got kids
I know u love ur kids but he’s not worth the suffering and pain ur going through
U either let go of what he has done and b happy or u’ll b miserable with him
U got 2 choices to make
Move on with him n b happy
Dump the sob and get his $$$
Good luck in ur decision
YOU DESERVE TO B HAPPY
SOMEONE OUTHEIR WILL LOVE U BETTER THAT SOB
Had a similar situation only after 30 years of Marriage. He told me on thanksgiving he was leaving me for her, i knew her but it didn’t make a difference. The one thing that us different is that he wanted no part of trying to fix our marriage. So i don’t know how i would have reacted if he chose to try to work it out. Trust is huge in a relationship and once that’s betrayed it’s almost impossible to get it back. The fact that u r making bad life choices now that u didn’t before kinda tells me your reconciliation is not working. U don’t seem happy and we all deserve to be happy. I know exactly how u r feeling, my situation is 11 years passed and I’ve since remarried to a wonderful man who was my best man at my first marriage. Sometimes things happen we can understand but everything happens for a reason. Might not seem that way now, but u will figure it out.
You’ll never get over it but you will have to choose to accept it and move on with or without him.
It’s destroying you, sorry but you need a divorce.
Once can MAYBE be considered a bad decision or a mistake, but he did it 3 times, so honey, take it from someone who has been through it…RUN! You are self destructing. You need to love yourself more than you love him and realize you deserve better.
And, once trust is gone, its GONE! Deep down you will never be able to trust him and will question everything he does. Its not worth the mental torture, trust me! If he REALLY loved you, he would not have strayed in the first place.
Get tested for sex diseases.
I say just stick around until he gives you something incurable. Basically you’re playing Russian roulette with your heart and health for the sake of love meanwhile he’s living his best life at the expense of your happiness 
If u don’t feel joy at the end of each day, than that love u have for him that u can’t explain… take that and love urself even more,. It’s simple, if ur the woman who wouldn’t even think about having an affair with another man , than why would u settle for a man who would.?? Self Love doesn’t come from another. Fall in Love with every detail about urself everyday, and u will see that ur more relaxed and the nightmares will stop . and the love u can’t explain will come to u. Don’t utilize anymore if ur time and energy on fixing something that u didn’t break, I hope everything works out for u. His affair will always be the cancer in ur relationship. Time won’t heal anything, it will always hurt u, and u will always wonder if he’s with someone else , the times he doesn’t text u right back or he is late getting back , or he doesn’t answer when u call, that will always be in the back of ur mind when normal everyday stuff happens , the moments and hours he’s not with u. . Love , Light and Blessings to u.
He will not change. You are just hurting yourself rehashing and rethinking the betrayal and questioning everything that he says wondering if it is the truth…it probably isn’t. Leave before it destroys you. Focus on yourself. Focus on your happiness. Don’t torture yourself.
Why would you give that woman that much power over your life and happiness.
Move forward slowly
I am so sorry this is happening. I too started drinking and lashing out until I had to call it quits for my own sanity. I’m now living alone with my children and dating again. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for. For me, it was divorce.
Trust is like a mirror, you cna fix it but you’ll still see the cracks.
I’d have ended it the first time.
My dad cheated on my Mom for about 40+ yrs…LEAVE!!!
Divorce is the easiest thing in the world. If He s changed and you trust him, then why are you destroying yourself? You are focusing on the wrong thing. Affairs are always a decision, never a mistake, even tho the party that cheated might feel regretful about it, realize it was still a decision he made. That other woman doesn’t matter, what matters is you and him. So focus on that, make the decision , whether it’s to leave or to stay. If you decide to stay, then do the work. You give yourself a year to get the anger out of your system, after that year however you do the work, if u wanna stay. You can’t rehash it.
Your relationship has been damaged. You will never forget what he did. You have to decide if this is something you can live with or not.
Counseling for both of you would be my best recommendation.
you wont get over it everything is ruined even if he changed it wont be permanent it will end in divorce dont forgive end it xx Sorry its terribly painful but your relationship wont ever be the same xx
U don’t or u do.if u stay don’t keep punishing him