You’re not able to let it go because deep down inside you knew that if he loved you wholeheartedly and completely he would have never strayed. Period.
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Been through it to
Sucks big time
He‘s toxic. He’s making you sick. What he has done is taking away from the essence of you and what you’re getting in exchange for it isn’t making you whole. It’s not your fault you can’t get over it… it wasn’t supposed to happen. You have to be SELFISH and save yourself.
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You need to get some counseling before your feelings are fears get even worse than they are now. Things like this could ruin your life and marriage.
3 times he left you for her and you still went back!!?? You have bigger issues than a cheating husband. I hope you’re in the right therapy. Your in very early stages of marriage walk away lady or give him a taste of his own medicine he dwarves that and more!!
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I am concerned that you are using FB for making one of the most important decisions of your life!
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I had to get proof before I left physically. Mentally and emotionally I was done with him 2 years before I actually left. I knew he was cheating, but we have a daughter together and I wanted desperately to make it work for her. Nothing changed, it only got worse. He completely ignored me and was and still is barely involved in our daughter’s life. It was hard as hell to leave, but one year later I am happy and have been for a long time. I also never drank before things got bad but at the end I was drinking so much it became borderline addiction. Leave him. You will struggle at first but once you get past that you finally be able to breathe and enjoy life again. He messed up, now he has to pay for that
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I doubt you need an advice. No matter what people tell you, you will do what you think is right for you. You will never be able to fully trust him, no matter what he does… sorry to say this, but you will never forgive him, even if you think you have.
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Once a cheater always a cheater
Specially if you keep forgiving him!! Get therapy for yourself. Been there and so HAPPY l let go of him now!
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My husband cheated on me the first year of marriage when I caught him it almost destroyed me id never felt such betrayal crushed complete devastation. That was about 3 years ago. We went to therapy that helped a little BUT I kept the GPS Spot on his truck for over a year and I’m thankful I did cause there was so many times he said he was doing this or that and it sounded so far fetched I was like yea right, but when I checked Spot be was being Honest our marriage is good but there are still times the thought of him cheating crawls back in my thoughts I don’t entertain it I get rid of it cause I know he’s not cheated on me since. It’s very hard to get through that kind of betrayal and it will take a while but you can do it. It just takes awhile. DON’T let anyone tell you he won’t change cause I’m here to tell you they can which yes shocked me but he honestly did. Your marriage is important work it out if you can. But living the way your living isn’t going to get you anywhere you need to let it go. It took me a little over a year to.
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WHEN you know in your heart, you are well off WITHOUT him, as you are WITH him, you will be able to trust your gut, your head and your heart with this matter! Best of luck to you!!!
Get a divorce and a bottle of tequila
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I honestly believe that when someone says they try to stay for the kids. It’s the kids who will suffer… they know when you are unhappy, mad and especially drinking. They will feel the tension, and it’s teaching them that it’s normal. You need to show them that it’s not, it’s not how you treat someone you love.
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You can get past it the trust issues will always be there and you’re love will always be different you just need to make the choice to either live with it or let it go it does take time but the pain will always be there. Best of luck to you
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Contact couples acadmey
when you send a message he will be forgiven , you have said I’m ok with that behavior… so he will continue , knowing he will he get through it… leave him. its the only way.
Been thru it myself the feeling.of being cheated.is horrible.the.problem your having is trust.once that’s broken what do.u do?? Your on egg shells all the time what I suggest.is you need time alone to think.things.over.if.you have family to stay with go and continue your efforts to go to therapy absence makes the heart.grow fonder staying there your.only smothering yourself.good luck
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Time for you to leave this relationship! A famous quote from my Mother, “A cheetah never changes their spots!”
My husband of 14 years cheated on me and continues to cheat. We’re divorcing next year but I don’t think I could ever get over him blaming his cheating on me.
What you allow will continue… Know your worth.
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Honestly you never will, my ex husband cheated and I tried to get passed it but it was always in my head was I not good enough or what did I do wrong, if you really wanna make it work try marriage counseling
Once they cheat they continue if u don’t have trust u have nothing in a relationship you need to pick urself up move forward and find yr soulmate
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I’m 56 years old, I’ve been there and I found out the hard way, Once a cheater always a cheater. Let him go what he did with her, he will do to her.
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A cheater will cheat…the end
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A broken mirror can never be fixed. No matter how much effort you will spend gluing it all together, once shattered it’s never gonna be the same. Now if you can live with that then good for you. Accept it and carry on with life. Truth is what we tell ourselves. Good luck!
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You will get through it!!! First you must let go!!! Make you a priority & let the dog run loose!!
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Never trust a cheater…there is no regaining trust, and will forever be in the back of your mind.
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In 5 years you will wish you had left the first time.
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If you can’t leave him and can’t get over it… cheat back and call it a day. Then both of you can move forward or move on.
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A lot of these woman are quick to tell you to leave. What I suggest is taking some time, go to your parents, focus on you for a bit. Continue the counseling as a couple & alone. But only meet up for those & stuff for the kids. I’m not saying get a divorce or end relationship. But you need to have some time alone to think & soul search. Read your bible, pray. If you both really love each other & he’s doing everything to regain your trust, then keep fighting for your relationship.
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I made it through but not normally, pretty much your story except I didn’t drink or nothing like it, we ended up divorced after 30 years, they told me either get over it or let him go, I couldn’t let go, images played in my head over and over I even argued with the therapists, I worked hard very hard, kept occupied till my youngest turned 21 and I made my decision to let him go then, wasn’t easy at all, but here I am doing well, blessings to you is an ugly place to be, and people telling us leave him you can do better or similar things don’t help, you will make your decision with time.
Fk that mf. Kick his ass out. I hate men that cheat and women who go with marry men.
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When this happened to me I lost all my confidence in myself. I didn’t want him to touch me I didn’t want him to look at me I felt so betrayed. Did you have a good relationship? Did you notice anything different about your husband? It’s extremely difficult to forgive and forget. Like me, I would always wonder what went on between them! And was he comparing me to her! My heart goes out to you, BUT if you really Love him, then go away for a while, think things over and don’t stop going to Counseling. What ever you do, I wish you the best, GOOD LUCK, Its not easy. Please try to stop drinking, your children will Live what they Learn:heart:
Let him go I’ve been there. It won’t get better.
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Run and keep running without looking back. Once a cheater always a cheater. It’s a character flaw they can’t/won’t change.
Living as you are now is not healthy nor is it bringing you happiness. You’re relationship is full of lies and dishonesty.
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Leave him move on now goodluck
Leave him. Once a cheat always a cheat
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Annnnnnd why are you still w him??? And don’t you dare say you love him to much, do you love Yourself? you’re leaving yourself. The longer you stay the older you are and then healing from this is going to take a while and then you got to get back out in that single world even older than when you first started no thanks
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Love yourself more than you can explain
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Survivinginfidelity.com. That helped me get thru it all. It takes three to five years to finally get to the point where you don’t think about the other person daily. That long to start trusting your partner again. Can it get better? Yes. Can it be better than it was? In some ways yes-but it will never be the same. Pm me if you want. Been there, survived that
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It’s sounds like you’re hurting yourself more than anything. Obsessing over the other woman, drinking… I agree with some of the other comments, take some time for yourself. You need to heal, and love you. Then you can make the decision to leave or stay. The whole situation just sounds like an unhealthy place for you. Whatever you’re decision turns out to be, I hope you find peace in your life. No one deserves to be treated that way.
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You are this way because you know he is still having an affair. Get real and prepare to move on.
Alice Ngina Kinuthia …read it and the Comments
It’s really tough love but unless he puts in alot of work it won’t work I too have tried so hard but then it happened again the last one rocked me to the core for your own sanity walk away I know easier said then done good luck 
If you don’t trust him even after seeing changes, chances are he’ll never regain it back. Hopefully your not only hurting yourself, but your family also trying to force it to work. Soul searching time for you.
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Trust continues to be an issue. You can forgive, but you’ll never forget and that’s the hardest part.
You can’t get over it cuz,you shouldn’t have too!! Move on!!
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The trust is gone and will never come back once they’ve cheated… It’s easy to say by people to leave, but It’s difficult when you still love him. But the trust is broken and 1 day it’s going to break you up…
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shoot her and get over it, or leave him and get over it. Either way, don’t give them any more space in your life, or you’re contributing to their continued abuse of you. You became “the side piece of ass” and that’s all you’ll ever be, at least in your mind and every time he thinks something better has come along. Move on, find someone you can and should trust.
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Why the hell are you with him.
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People ARE capable of change. You ARE capable of moving past this. Time is a big factor. Every person is built uniquely, so what works for one may not work for all. Everyone is saying you can’t… if you love him and believe in him then you most certainly CAN. You need to spend a lot of time with him and reconnect mentally, physically, and emotionally. Remember what it was that brought you two together in the first place. There are a lot of couples who have been through this. My husband and I have been through this. We’ve found that the more time we spend together the stronger our bond becomes.
Been there done that. I left. It took too much of my emotional energy to keep going or to be a good mum and it was just easier to move in. That said he won’t stop at.just once either. Can you deal with it again? Ask yourself that.
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I’ve been there since found out the grass isnt greener on the side I left mine and u need to really sit and think about this. Make the decision on your own and dont let others influence u. I left because I know I deserve better
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There is nothing we can say to you. Trust your gut. Practice discernment. Listen to what he says to you and look at his actions.Its is very hard. Cheating takes many forms. Physical and Emotional and psychological. Is he present in the relationship? What is happening to you is your own instincts struggling right now. Trust you first and trust your instincts…
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You need to leave & find your peace of mind again
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I Love my husband w everything in me but he knows once & I’m gone period.
Ask yourself why would you even want to be with a man who left you not once but 3 times for another woman?
If you remain with him he’ll likely pull it again because you gave him a pass
Look…you’ll never trust him again & with good reason, make peace & walk away
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Sorry but once a cheater ,always a cheater.Its only temporary here on earth .make the most of the time you have left …kick that CHEATING lying bastard out NOW.You deserve more.than that.
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all men does cheating…thinking,speaking of someone else is already cheating and the worst is the action part.
when a husband cheat,check yourself ,if you love him ,forgiving is the key but forgetting is a process and definitely not to happen.forgive him for your sake and because no one can forget ,be it your cross and carry it until there is a desicion to make.The outcome might make you more and more beautiful than before inside and out.fight for your sanity ,do not let the other woman ruin you…ruin her by improving yourself and making yourself more and more lovable.be the most beautiful creature by soul and heart that most men will love,by then your husband will notice.he will get jealous and even his other woman will be jealous of that.after all these ,you will get through it.you will no longer want to leave but to stay with your sanity and you will feel the part that who cares if your husband will find a hundred woman if you stand out.Love yourself and you will learn to love your enemy.by just forgiving them for your peace.Above all ,after all the things that been said and done,give your trust to God ,ask for healing,let HIM decide for you for the Almighty knows and sees everything.God will help restore your relationship if it is meant to be.If not ,there is nothing wrong if he will find another and part of true love is to set them free.
i had an experienced, too and we are still together as a family in harmony and peace.we are 21 years already and still happily married.
Run don’t walk! Get as far away from this lying cheating piece of man!!! Trust me, you’ll never get over it. Move on! And don’t let loneliness send you back to that bum!!! You deserve better
Your first mistake was taking him back. Much less several times. If he loved u there would have been no affair. Look forward to it again. He will do it again and again. If u take it it is yours to live with. Good luck. Glad i am not married and this is why
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A very similar thing happened to me. I tried to “work it out “ I wasted years of my life trying to forgive and honestly it got worse. He opened a credit card in my name. He’s on his fourth divorce now and because it’s later in life he got her financially worse than me. Cheater, liar, deceiver it’s all the same. I just discovered the affair first. Good luck, be your own best friend.
Man just have the real conversation… It’s not all about him changing.
Find out why he felt the need to step out
All y’all quick to say leave da man, like take time to analyze the situation for what it is and then go from there. If he can’t man up and say how he really felt you as to why you were lacking, then you should reconsider because it’s clear he can’t communicate. I won’t charge for that #freeadvice
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Good morning
What’s app number 00919822365932
Dump his ass and move on.
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In the end you need to feel safe, cared for, and confident he is faithful. Some relationships can survive, many can not. Therapy is a good start, but not all Therapists have the skills to guide both of you in a way you need. Affairs are traumatic. It leaves one feeling many negative emotions. An energy therapist or a trauma therapist may be more helpful for you. Even if you decide to end the marriage.
First mistake was taking him back not once but three times. If he cheated, it’s game over. You’ll never forget it now and you’ll always wonder if he’ll do it again. You’ll always wonder what he’s doing or where he’s at or where he goes because of it. Once trust is broken, it’s very impossible to regain that trust especially over adulatory. I know first hand from two different men unfortunately. No man is worth your sanity. Good luck
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I would say you have done all the things you can so it’s OK to walk out of the relationship for good
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I had the same thing happen to me my ex of 7.5 years walks out on me 10/27/19 never thinking her husband would find out but it all came out and he mysteriously wants to take it day by day!!!
My marriage didn’t make it. We tried but he wouldn’t let her go. For me, once that trust has been crushed there was no recovery. We were married 17 yrs and have 2 kids. Back and forth, a lot of heartbreak and emotional breakdown we ended up divorcing. It’s been 13 yrs since my divorce. Never remarried and I never will again. Good luck to you. Trust is very hard to get back.
No one can tell you what to do. You have to decide when, and if, you’ve had enough. Then and only then will you be able to move forward.
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You won’t get over it, I was with mine 25 years and as soon as I found out it was over, all those years of emotional and verbal abuse, being told nobody likes me, all the stupid fights picked so he could go out, all my ah ha moments flooded me within an hour finding out, I couldn’t look at him the same, he pleaded, cried, told me he change, and you know what??? My intuition was screaming “kick him out” he went right to her even though for weeks after he tried everything to get me back, just because you love someone doesn’t always mean you should stay, it’s not healthy for you. Once a cheater always a cheater, and if your second guessing “everything him” and what he or she is doing, honey that’s your brain telling you it’s not worth it.
You’re angry
You have every right to be angry, only for some reason you haven’t expressed it.
You need to talk about it in therapy & tell him how angry you are at him. & he needs to accept it & stfu while you tell him how much you hate him for doing that to you & putting you thru that
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I read a book called after the affair. It helped. It was hard. In the end things didn’t work out. Not because of the affair. But I would try reading that book.
Leave and find someone else. After being cheated on not once but 3 times? Staying will be very stupid.
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Do you trust him?
What was your first answer?
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Now decide your future…
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The hurt and no trust are always there! Your gut feelings are real and so is hiding truth from you! Sorry!
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Narcs usually have 1 or 2 others on the side. They can be bisexual and are porn addicted
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Speaking from experience, your spouse will always do it because you’ve taught them it’s okay. You are now experiencing PTSD when certain things come up, and they trigger you. Don’t allow him to divorce you, but you need to divorce them first.
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Hmm- left, n moved on(no trust) I would find someone “Worthy”!of you(just my opinion) THEY NEVER CHANGE!!
You don’t need the drama and distrust… I hope you’ll make him leave… It’s not healthy for you…
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You are the only one who can make that decision , your life!!! I can tell you this, people cheat because they have something that they need to work on!!! He may love you!!! However not the way you need or deserve to be loved because he doesnt love himself!!! I went through this many years ago , the back and forth. Drugs involved on his part. I left, i obsessed over the other woman. Drove myself crazy!!! Why didnt he love me etc!!! When i left it killed me!!! Focused on work and my kids. Then i met a wonderful man. He made me realize what respect and love was!!! I loved myself!!! Thought of him less and less!!! Understood my ex more and what i wanted. Needless to say , the other guy i met and me broke it off different religious beliefs!! He is still my best friend though. My husband the one i left, 10 years later are trying to become friends and date. He has grown up!!! He never found love, i did. He sees that, and he is much older now. The difference is my confidence, my abilities. My love for myself, my understanding, see i grew up too. Not saying we will make it , maybe we will. I dont love him like i use to, but then again was it love before or just obsessing over him and the other woman, because i couldnt of loved somebody like that. Sometimes people meet too soon!!! I can tell you if he does anything like thst agsin, now i know i van live without him and am lovable. You need to learn to love yourself and he needs to learn to love himself!!! Or you will destroy one another. You need time away!!! If its meant to be no matter what it will happen in the future. Heal, grow.
I’m in the same boat.
Happened before, about a year ago. Just over text message though.
Now his ex is back in his msgs and I just don’t know if I can trust him to be telling the truth that there’s nothing going on.
I think just take some time for you, that where I’m headed. Move in with my parents, take some time to focus on me & if they really want to make it work they will try with us instead of running to the others? If they go the other way they’ve answered your question for you.
If they choose you I guess you start to decide if you can trust again
Save your liver. When going through this myself years ago, my counselor said there is no time frame of when and if you ever get over it. Only you will know how much you can tolerate and if you will trust again. It is possible to do it but for me it took a very long time. Just don’t live a tortured life. Move on if you need to. Good luck.
I left a 25 yr marriage 3 yrs ago for my first love. And in our first yr he lied to me several times. After he had looked for ME for 10 yrs, and we went through hell to be together. I moved 3 times…3 hrs away from my hometown and uprooted my life for him to lie to me and keep running back to his ex. Finally Id had enough and told him I was DONE. I didnt speak to him for 2 months. I completely ghosted him. And I was honestly JUST starting to move on and he showed up on my doorstep and begged my forgiveness one more time. It wasnt easy, I made him jump through hoops to prove himself to me. And sometimes I still have issues BUT we are now living together, we just bought a house in june. I used to believe once a liar/ cheater always. But he has showed me that people can change, mistakes can be made, and if you show them that you truly will not put up with their nonsense and they realize, they can sometimes actually be better. The past can never be undone or forgotten, all we can do is take it as a lesson learned and move on. Good luck
I went through something similar but my husband never made me feel like it was anything I did. He did not ever once make me feel like he was hiding anything else from that time. He gave me all the time I needed to heal and has always give in to all my requests no matter how long it took me to come around. I still to this day have some issues with it but I trust that his intentions are not to hurt me and since we have a stronger friendship and relationship so yes there can be light after dark if it is truly what you both want. I think of it like this. If he is a boyfriend he is not family if he is your husband he is family and you should at least try because you wouldn’t just walk away from family you would at least try…
She stole a year of your marriage, now you’re giving her more time for free. If you truly forgive him, let this Thanksgiving be the fresh start. If not, you’ve got more work to do, part of which might be getting honest with yourself that you don’t really feel like you can trust him…
I got over it by leaving and finding someone who cherished me and is loyal
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It’s a matter of comfort level I would never be comfortable married to a man that cheated on me
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Yes it is hard to move on, So glad I got rid of the toxic prrson in my life.I was no longer happy living with an alcoholic that would constantly put me down and use harsher words when he would get drunk then pretend that everything was OK the next day.I refuse to let my heart be 
broken again.Stay strong you csn do it and you will be just fine.
Yeah you might not be able to ever get over that. Don’t spend ur life like that.
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Forgive, but don’t forget!
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Truth is, you can never get over it.
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Confront him. You haven’t gotten over it full the best thing for you to do is sit him down and have at him.
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turn the page…it will happen again, just move on
Ive been through this but actually regaining that trust back is impossible it will always be in the back of your mind everytime hes out without you or goes out of town its always there mine was and i couldnt do it anymore drove myself crazy with anxiety good luck i hope you can over come it.
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This is called triangulation it is a common ploy of narcissist
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Okay so not original advice here probably but I understand truly loving someone and maybe having religious views which many have, this could work for you whether you do or don’t have religious views. Here’s what I think is the only thing you can do and and be mentally healthy. Distance yourself emotionally for now. Until you can trust, it sounds like it’s given you PTSD also. If you need to,distance yourself physically too. Doesn’t mean you’re giving up or divorcing but you need to keep yourself mentally and emotionally healthy which is obviously not happening right now. Continue going to counseling, but become your own person that doesn’t include or depend on him for happiness. He’s broken your heart and your trust. It’s up to him to really prove himself and earn it back. You’re not obligated to make that easy. Feel how you feel and let it flow. If y’all come back together let it be organic and not forced. Let him do the work because it’s not all on you. Women who try to stay in this situation take it all on themselves to forgive instead of putting it on the man to rectify the situation. They take on the responsibility instead and kill themselves with it. Stop doing that. Stop excusing him. I don’t care what his reason is STOP taking the blame. Let him feel the need to fix it. Let him woo you back. You’ve given him so much leeway and taken so m much of the initiative that he probably doesn’t feel he has to do any work which in turn makes you not trust him because he’s done nothing to earn it back accept to rest on your forgiveness. Put it on him and relax and if he does nothing then don’t feel bad to end it. Good luck and God bless lady. Love from the heart for you here
Take time and do your own thing don’t jump into a new relationship
Counseling is a good start . I was never able to get over it. I had to just get a divorce and put it all behind me.
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