For me Its something I never got over when I was married
Get out for the sake of your sanity
5 Likes
Leave before you self destruct.
4 Likes
Dump him. Run for the hills. He doesnât love you. He wouldnât put you thru this 3 times. I can understand forgiveness for a one time affair. I donât think itâs a good idea but I get it. HoweverâŚthis is ridiculous! Leave, find yourself a GOOD man!
2 Likes
God put use on this earth to be happy, in body ,in are soul and in are mine, God has grate plans for you, just put your trust in him and it will happen, Iâve just celebrated my 50th anniversary, and I know God sent him to me.
This kind of marriage doesnât work,you will never be able to forget or trust him again. You will always be wondering if he is cheating again.And another thing is once a cheater always a cheater,and since u didnât leave him for cheating on you ,now he thinks its ok to do it.
3 Likes
Either you forgive the mistake (never forget) and work on making a new relationship with him. the old one is dead. OR You start with kicking him out and starting over. Real love doesnât cheat and itâs not about sex, it goes way beyond all that, you donât have it with him. A holiday is what you make it and at any time in life you can change how it is celebrated and with who. Stop letting his betrayal control you, step up and take back the control and move on, find happiness and donât allow others to control your life. He cheated for sex and that was all it was to him, for women itâs more than sex. Reason I said love is more than sex, a lot of marriages are happy and no sex is involved, itâs another bond that canât be broken or someone cheating because the lack of. Good Luck but itâs time to move on or work it out for a new relationship. 
4 Likes
Find a good Pastor & get some serious prayer. God is the only one that can help yu thru this& all of the pain & memories. I will keep yu up in prayer.
Iâm only saying this to be completely honest. Save yourself, get the f@&k out. Now. Iâve been where you are, twice. My values and character were compromised. I promise you, when you leave, he wonât be welcome to come back three times, again. Iâm sorry to sound so radical and mean, but I totally believe youâll feel more confident walking away. No need for anger or irrational doings. Wish him well, genuinely, and gather your things. Put one foot in front of the other. You deserve so much more in life. I agree with most of the others, youâll never get over it. The kindest, most loving person, has feelings, too. Love yourself. Keep us posted on how youâre doing. Weâre all here for youâ¤
Better get divorce its not working out.
1 Like
You move on with your life and find someone that actually loves you.
1 Like
Therapy is the help you need. You should be telling your therapist this info. Your therapist should help you, not Facebook
2 Likes
I think you deserve someone better, someone who values YOU xx
I think you need to leave. I donât know that you can truly forgive an affairâthe relationship will never be the same.
It wont go away no matter how hard you try. Its a traumatic and painful experience in which little things trigger anger/outbursts. 
3 Likes
First of all, stop beating up yourself! There is a point in time when you have to say âEnough is enough!â Move on. You will never be happy in your current situation. You need to learn to be apart from others. You can still be friends with your husband if you want too, just not married. Your self esteem is so low now that you are drinking and cursing . Your husband is probably glad that you are doing so and keeping record to use that against you if you ever end up in a bitter court battle. Lively up yourself and start to explore other safe options that will make you happy. If you have joint assets with your spouse, now is the time to start figuring out how to get your name removed or separate stuff. Start with having your own bank account if you donât have one. Get a job. Be self reliant! Be independent! You will be happier! Having a man cheat on you and then to have outside babies being born is like a kick to the stomach over and over! Trust me, I lived this many times until I said I am done! Then, who was pissed off? Him, for me ending the cycle of mental abuse! Start to stand on your own feet and get back your confidence! When he sees you out, be WELL dressed and donât look desperate! You can make it if you try. Iâm a survivor!
3 Likes
Leave for yourself. You deserve better
As I see it you really love being married but an affair has you in doubt of yourself. Which is understandable so in relationships you grow as a couple or not. Most are telling you to leave Iâm going to tell you to figure out what you need and if leaving is more on your mind then staying then just do it quit tormenting yourself. Chalk it up to lesson learned.
3 Likes
I know itâs difficult for you but find some self confidence and get the heck out of there!! If you canât trust him any longer, there is no point in prolonging the inevitable. Please stop the drinking, it isnât good for you or the situation. Love yourself enough to let it go.
2 Likes
Been through all of that. Went to marriage counseling. Did everything I could think of. I walked away from a 15 yr relationship with my husband. It wasnât easy. But I am happy. I have a good life now.
Never , once that trust is gone. Do yourself a massive favour by getting out ⌠he may never cheat again but you will ALWAYS be wondering. Painful as it is. You need to walk away if you want your peace of mind.
The right man will come along 
I promise. This crazy wonderful life 
2 Likes
Uâre worth more than Uâre getting! That ship has sunk, move on to a happier life. Itâs better to do bad alone, than with company!
Go on and live your life without him soonest you will be fine.its hard at first but you need to be kind with yourself.you deserve to beloved and not to be use.God Bless you
1 Like
You are better than that !!! Move on with your lifeâŚyou can not go backwards âŚ
1 Like
Good luck it Is not your fault and you need to get out if you are stating habits to effect you personal experience you wonât he will cheat again once a cheat always best wishes
I too, years ago was in this situation. After 3 years of repeatedly taking him back I finally let him go. I found myself someone completely opposite of him. I have never been happier!! Once you lose trust you NEVER get it back. Cut your losses and let him go. (Good luckâ¤ď¸)
2 Likes
You need to leave. Thatâs the only way youâll feel right again. Once a cheater always a cheater. The trust is gone . Itâs okay to love him but doesnât mean you have to be with him. Move on love yourself enough to know you deserve a faithful man.
1 Like
He will get bored with u again and repeat it so get a generator Incase he starts acting like load shedding(get a secret love) Luther vandros once saidâ:joy:
Why stress when you can also play the same game but betterđ
Have you both discussed the root of that infidelity in couples counseling?
1 Like
If you cannot get over this & youâre drinking too, itâs time you left. You said youâre going to therapy, but it doesnât sound like youâre getting anything from it. Just time to move on.
Im not married never have been but my opinion is if you see he is sorry about what he did and has changed you might need to seek counselling together. Ive heard marriage is not an easy thing and youll face challenges. Im sure it hurts what he has done and to the extent it has made u feel but before you give up please give it a try atleast.
Let him go and move on Girly if he did it once he will do it again once a cheater always a cheater
2 Likes
Let him go for you. He can make all the promises in the world but at the end of the day you will still remember. Just let him go and heal
1 Like
Kick him to the curb and take your power back
1 Like
He doesnât love you.Get over it
As someone with this exact story I can tell youâŚfor me it hasnât gotten betterâŚive been in the same boat for years nowâŚplease leaveâŚtime will heal youâŚbut only if you let itâŚi hope to take my own advice soonâ:heart:
Dear lady. Counseling.
Counseling.
Counseling.
You cannot get past these transgressions all by yourself. If you are to regain your sanity and balance and focus , all that you do must be to find a solution otherwise you will become a victim and not well balanced person. Involved others trusted people who have no skin in the game but to see justice done. He has a
Problem of course . If you exhaust all measures to bring sanity to your marriage. And yourself. Pick up your marble and move on. The fool said , â
I am gods gift to women!â Thats a fool. And foolish people like that lose out. Do your due diligence,
Consult a lawyer, and if u be a woman who is a Christian woman, pray and seek help. Nevertheless do not be the âside chick â when you are ought to be the âmain squeeze!â Be willing to walk away and keep your sanity. It may be hard but later you will see the wisdom of your actions. May god help you not to be codependent. 
Once thereâs no trust there wont be Love once a cheater always a cheater its true whatever made him go to that girl wont stop him from going to another one. He just wants you to believe heâs all holy o nce he sees your smile again he will strike again.
You are worth it but being with him will just make loose your self esteem day by day.
It will neva be the same .i have been through this they never change .if you stay you not gonna be happy cause there no trust
In my point of view, you canât get over that kinda stuff. Be strong lady or leave.
12 Likes
I have never dealt with this, but if I had I would probably be feeling this same way!!! Iâm so sorry youâre going through this. Not much help but I hope you find the path thatâs meant for you, whether that includes him or not.
1 Like
Counseling. I donât know if you ever get over it, but you can heal from it. Itâs a long uphill battle.
3 Likes
Have you thought about a temporary separation? Sometimes you need some space to work through it, so you can decide how to proceed. You have to get that panic response to calm down before you can ever think straight. And being in close proximity is certainly keeping you in a hyper-vigilant state. Talk to your counselor about a structured separation.
8 Likes
I think you have to be strong and just leave him. It will be good for you and your health
2 Likes
I made it through after 22 yrs together. It happened this time last year as wellâŚplease fell free to message me if you need someone who understands.
You donât. You kick his ASS to the curbâŚ
You may need different types of therapy and not just one. Also you may need medication.
If you truly want to get passed it, you can. It takes hard work and sure wont happent over night. You are on the right track.
1 Like
You can Stick around and try to âget over itâ if you feel like being second best for the rest of your life.
4 Likes
Oh boy⌠I would need way more time shit I probably mentally not be able to handle it and would need to leave only because he did pick her a couple times⌠I would dip
Get it together girlfriend. Donât obsess about it, let it go and love yourself first.
1 Like
Nothing gonna make it go away not even time. But time does give you some kind of acceptance and think of it this way he is trying. Maybe do something with him on Thanksgiving so special that what happened last year wonât even matter or compare. Itâs hard but not impossible. PS. What kept me strong was the fact that I like to win. And itâs over when I say itâs over and that Bitch couldnât take him because I said so.
Some people canât get over an affiar and thats ok, not your fault. This man didnât just have an affair he left u for this women more than once, guaranteed he didnât come back bcus he missed u he came back bcus something didnât work out with his new woman. Now heâs trying to make it right, which I guess is good, but it may be too late. Donât ever feel like u have to stay with him. If counseling isnât working atleast u can say u tried. Iâd be moving on, Iâm the type that canât let go og cheating. It just wouldnât work.
5 Likes
You dont get over it. You have some respect for yourself, know that you deserve better, and leave.
You need to decide if you want to live your life worrying about whether heâs cheating or not. If so then stay. I tried to put up with it for 18 years. There was more to my leaving than just trust issues but I tried to stick it out. I was on meds for depression and anxiety. The best thing I ever did was leave. I am now remarried to someone that has shown me the way I should have always been treated. It took me 2 years to get myself right after I decided to leave. I was a huge mess for awhile. But once i got myself together and realized I was stressing over a person who couldnât even respect me as a spouse I was stronger than ever. In my opinion, living with constant worry that your spouse is cheating is no way to live at all. This is just my advice. I hope it works out for you.
3 Likes
You either decide to stay and move on or leave and move on. What youâre currently doing now is not healthy.
Perhaps finding a different therapist might be a good idea too.
Between now and dead how do YOU want to live your life? Hugs!!
2 Likes
I would never get over that ⌠be strong and leave him !
2 Likes
I have also been through this. I personally was never able to move past it. We have two daughters so I tried for two years to let it go. Everytime he was late coming home or acted secretive on the phone it would all come back. I wish you the best of luck.
1 Like
My partner cheated on me for months and I didnt find out till a week after we got married. I was so hurt and it took him forever to get my trust back and he still.doesn have it⌠its just something youll.never be able to get over
1 Like
Trust is gone give him the boot and reinvent yourself and be happy!
1 Like
Itâs hard to say if you really love the person that makes it harder to live with good luck with what you do
Prayer. Lots and lots. I didnât end up staying with my husband he chose to leave but before that we tried I felt all those same ways. I has panic attacks for the first time ever and now 2 years later I still have trust issues. But praying for strength and saying I forgive even if no one apologized (in my situation) and praying for forgiveness to come into your heart. Thatâs all the advise I have. Iâm sorry you are going through this it is rough! I would never wish that type of betrayal on anyone as it kills a little piece of you. I wish you good luck and will pray for you.
If you made the choice to take him back you have to live with it
Try positive feel good therapy. Witch means put your self first your wants and needs. Buy your self that dress go get your hair and nails done go out with that friend for ladys night or go to that gym. Find your self and who you are now not who you were back then. Go to that spa, even tho it might not be your thing step out side that box to clear your head and you will find the new you and you will have your answers as you are going through you/ reconditioning.
I wouldnt be able to get past it and your destroying yourself trying to. Drinking is only hurting you so basically your punishing yourself for what he did. And the fact that its linked to a holiday where we are supposed to be happy and thankful sucks. I would take a step back and repair yourself before you even worry about adding him to the list of things that need fixed. You got this be strong and dont let it continue to destroy you.
3 Likes
I totally agree with the ladies here who say to put yourself first, find the strength and let go. In my opinion, if he can cheat once, he can cheat again. Maybe not with the last girl who he left you for THREE times but could be another girl who comes into your lives later on in the future. I would never be comfortable with a man who not only cheated on me but left me for her a few times. Itâs guaranteed that he only came back to you those times coz he wasnât in a stable relationship with her and knew you were always there for backup coz he knows how much you love him.
Respect yourself, love yourself and put yourself first.
3 Likes
Iâve never personally gone thru this but my ex in laws did. My father in law was having multiple affairs for years. My mother in law always suspected but never had proof. She finally found clear evidence of it and she kicked him out of the house. He still loved her and wanted to be with her. He knew what he was doing to her and the family was extremely wrong and he regrets every bit of it. While they lived apart, they did marriage counseling and he did counseling on his own as did she. He told his whole family about his disloyalties and owned up to his mistakes.
Long story short, it was a long hard road but itâs been 8 years since this incident and they are happier than ever. I used to wonder how she put up with it but they genuinely seem so happy. It is possible to get passed this. It just takes lots of time and effort. The biggest part is that he has to truly know what he did is wrong and own up to what he did.
Good luck!
1 Like
My EX husband constantly cheated on me. I went through the same coping mechanism as you and I personally couldnât get over it. I was with him for 17 years, 5 children and ended up divorcing him. I walked away, best decision I ever made!
5 Likes
Donât be so wrap up in the other women. Chances are he will never see her again. It will be someone new. You have to take care of YOU!! Focus on yourself and you will make the right decision. Lifeâs to short to waste it on worry.
2 Likes
Drinking is not the answer. You are just numbing your pain. If you cant get past it for your sanity you may need to move on. You dont deserve to be unhappy
3 Likes
I can tell you, you can get passed it. My first hubby and I married at 18 and 17. He had an affair after 5 years. We were separated for several months and he came crawling back saying he had made a terrible mistake and would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me if Iâd give him another chance. He kept that promise! He died in 2014. We had been married for 27 years and together 29. Iâll tell you one thing that helped me. I wrote down all my hurts. I put on that paper everything I hated about him. How bad and humiliated I felt. I let him read them. We talked about everything. Then we decided this chapter was over. Weâd never bring it up again. The last thing we did was both sign a âcontractâ that said we were in this for the long haul and divorce was not an option, and that word would never again come out of our mouths. We placed this contract along with the other papers, and placed them in a box. We went out to the back yard, dug a 6 ft hole together, and buried the box and all the problems. I cannot begin to tell you how healing that was for both of us. As long as there is love, there is hope. God bless and best of luck to you!
7 Likes
I left my stbx bcuz of his hidden affair with a co-worker. He walked out on r 15 year marriage over a frivolous reason which kinda blew my mind but I never thought heâd b cheating. Didnât hear a word from him for 6 months n yes he was chummy with her which started 2 draw my attention once we got back 2gether. But he never admitted the affair let alone apoligize. Had he done those 2 things Iâd would have gotten over it. The back n forth ur hubby has done is confusing 2 say the least. Mine I believe only came back bcuz I was a sure bet 2 keep his life 2gether and she got back with her husband. B careful b4 u decide what 2 do.
Itâs ok not to be ok with this. Iâve walked in your shoes. I tried to make it work for over a decade past the point where I should have ended it. Donât be like me. Let go and move on while you are younger.
3 Likes
Iâm all for making it work but if heâs left three times already you shouldâve just cut that tieďżź.
2 Likes
U allowed him to leave u for this woman three times in a month! You will never trust him again, your just going through the motions. Work on your self respect and realise you deserve a million times better
2 Likes
I wouldnât get over it.
1 Like
A lot of people will tell you to give up. The human in us says we will never be perfect and we will hurt the ones we love sometimes. Love is nothing without forgiveness. Thatâs not to say that you should let people walk all over you or keep repeating their mistakes. But all love really is, is continually giving the other person grace. Pray! Pray hard! Take it to the alter at church, talk about it with him. Go for a nice long hike and have a good cry. A lot of times its not the other person we donât forgive, itâs ourself. When we are cheated we tend to beat ourselves up. Why wasnât I enough. What did I do wrong to deserve this. Why wasnât I respected and cherished. We feel inadequate and we donât even realize how much damage we do to ourselves. Cheating is horrible but it isnât about you or what you lack. Thatâs a character flaw in him!! You are beautiful, enough, and deserve to be cherished. Forgive yourself for ever feeling like you lack or ever abusing your mind or heart when he decided to betray you. If you love him. If you love you. Decide each day to cast out the betrayal. Decide to have faith. Give it to God!! And ask yourself do you have enough strength to honor your vows even when he hasnât. Donât ever let him do this to you again. If theres a next time dont even hesitate to leave and make sure he knows that.
7 Likes
Put icy hot in his underwearâŚ
8 Likes
Also I forgot to add, YOU deserve to have peace in your world. You deserve to have someone who you automatically believe because theyâve never given you a reason to doubt them. That tiny doubt will never go away. No amount of counseling or meds will take it away. At least not for me! Iâm getting angry just typing this, heâs a sorry asshole and you are worth so much more. Love yourself more!!
I wouldnât be able to get over it. I know I would just have to leave.
My Ex cheated for a whole year. I tried to get over it but thought about it all the time. It hurt bad to the point that I started resentment towards him. After a couple of years I decided to divorce him. I have been more relaxed and able to put myself together again. I donât think anyone can get over infidelity completely
3 Likes
Oh i cant imagine. Cheating is something i dont think i coukd get past. You might want to but yoy have to decide if its worth it. I mean he left more than once. Im so sorry. Hugs and good vibes fie your healing.
A year is not a long time compared to the six yâall have been together⌠You need to give yourself time, a year isnât very longâŚ
1 Like
I have a quick question. Do you want your marriage to work out? If so, I would recomend going to couples counseling. You can forgive but you canât forget. Good luck 
1 Like
Somethings Mark us in such away that we canât move pasted it. He did Soemthing so terrible that you are forever marked by his betrayal. You have to decide that you love him enough to let it go or love him enough to understand you canât and let him go. Things happen. It sucks what happen but it is what it is. You love forward with or without him.
1 Like
Ouch. So sorry.
I donât think there is anything any of us can tell you that will hurry the process or make it better.
Its all in time. But what I can say is, LOVE YOURSELF first. Sometimes we get SO entangled in our S/O we lose our self⌠Self doubt, hate. I want you to know NOTHING YOU DID OR DID NOT DO, caused any of this. Youâre good enough and, youâre a strong woman. Drinking and, stressing yourself is just going to prolong the healing process and, is
destroying yourself over something you didnât do or choose. If you need to go live alone while you work this out in yourself & with him or maybe even without him⌠Stay with a friend, and just get away from it always hindering you⌠Do it. Donât torture yourself. Please. Itâll only do more harm than good. Youâll never be able to forgive and, move on this way. Good luck love.
1 Like
If you want to make it work, drinking is not the answer. Nor is stalking her. Block her off of everything if thatâs what it takes. Will yourself to live in the present. Moving forward is on you mentally, hard as it may be. But if you cannot move forward then you have to move on, rather than kill yourself coping. But itâs a mental decision that YOU have to make. You say hes done everything to regain and prove himself. Thatâs something. Build new memories. Thatâs about the only.way to phase out the bad ones. I hope you do find a way to ENJOY the holidays
1 Like
If this is something you cant handle, itâs not on you to sit and agonize trying to save something that hurts you so badly in the name of love or committment. Sometimes you can forgive but you cant forget and things canât be okay again.
1 Like
You must try to forgive .you will probably never forget. If you donât you may drive him away. Please continue with therapy. In time it will help and you will realize what is important and what you need to just let go. You said you love him so itâs important to fight for him. Will be thinking of you âŚIâve been there
1 Like
I recommend checking out the page Wedlock Warriors. They have not only survived an affair but helped others as well.
OP can send me a PM. I have extensive personal experience in this bullđŠâŚsadly. No judgement here. Just wisdom and support
I wouldnât get over it. 3x in ONE month? Thatâs just what you know about too. Leave his sorry ass. Thats disgusting. Sorry. ),:
There is NO time limit on grieving.
2 Likes
You wonât get past it. Sorry but itâs the truth. I never did and yes things changed and our relationship got better but another 4 years later when shit got messy he stepped out again. Now I am a single 35 year old woman who is so happy with my life and myself I couldnât be more happy. Unfortunately, get out while you can because you will waste years trying and one bad day or big fight he will step out again, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Good luck! 
Itâs kind of like losing your best friend but keeping your husband even though theyâre the same person. So I imagine youâre grieving that loss. Itâs going to take a long time to emotionally feel safe with him again but if you truly love him it might be worth the work.
2 Likes
Love and trust is freely given but once that has been harmed it takes a long struggle to rebuild it and it will never be the same again you will never fully trust him again I know a little bit of what youâre going through I donât actually know if my husband cheated on me but I know he was on dating sites and on single sites while I worked and he was home on disability but he got cancer and he died and I still wonder and you will always wonder to maybe you need to take a break from him and live alone for a little while take a month or two and see if you want to continue to be in that relationship
I was married for 6 years and found out my husband was cheating on me and had been off and on for probably a year. From 2013 to 2015 he left / moved completely out several times, I never got over the cheating and the leaving he had me in a contestant state of anxiety, I finally left the marriage in 2016 officially and am glad I did because I met my new husband in 2016 ( had dated years ago) we had our first son together in 2017 and got married in 2018 and now have a daughter on the way, he is the complete opposite of what I had.
Trust me if you get to the point of you really canât let it go please remember you are better and stronger than you think and there is someone who will treat you better
5 Likes
The one thing not to do is punish yourself for something you didnât do . So be strong , be healthy, be your own hero . If you cant do this with him then move on . It may take more time or a move to get away and change the energy. Dont drink to forget it wont work .
1 Like