The moment you accept that no man is worth losing your mind for then you will move on. Never give your whole heart to someone. It is easier said than done, i know.
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Forgiving and forgetting are 2 totally different things. But youâre obviously having a hard time forgiving him for it. I think you need to really sit down and think about whether or not you CAN forgive him. If not, you need to let him go and move. Life is too short to be miserable everyday. Your feelings will eventually only turn to resentment. Trust me. Good luck doll.
Iâm sorry you went through this. Drinking will only make it worse. Please stop. You can focus on the woman who lost and give her power or take your power back and focus on your life. Pray
You will never trust him againâŚI know from personal experience. But you will have to learn to be at peace with that. I stayed because I love my kids and canât stand being away from them even a day. He now respects me, this relationship, he loves our kids as much as I do and we love being a family. Is it perfect? No, but relationships are not perfect. He doesnât go out and always answers his phone and my texts, thatâs the expectation now. He knows that if he blows me off, disrespects me, or if I even suspect there is someone else, Iâm out! It took me a long time to get to this point, months and months of therapy. The pain will get better, you will feel more normal but it will take time, took me about two years to get better and I experienced a lot of what youâre experiencing. Get strong for you, your kids, and be ready to leave of this happens again because it might.
If itâs still affecting you in such a negative way despite therapy and him changing maybe the situation just permanently changed you inside people can say sorry but it doesnt take away the damage that was done in the process your health and self worth is worth more than trying to save something that caused you long lasting pain maybe some time apart would help so you could reevaluate if you truly want this , cheating is the worst thing someone could do I personally wouldnât know if I could get over that I feel if you really love someone you wouldnt hurt someone to this capacity. Rule out if hes a narcissist they usually just love the way people love them but cant return the same or cheat and expect you to just get over it
We get what we settle for
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Never forgive a cheater because once they screw around youâll always have it in your head, you will never be the same with them. Itâs so much better finding somebody new and loyal.
Iâve been there, it hurt for a bit but I got over it fast once I started seeing new guys then I finally found Somebody I love even more and we have a baby girl together and I couldnât be happier. Change isnât always bad.
My mom and dad have been married 30yrs and still go through this hellish loop⌠he cheats, she finds out and forgives him but then agonizes about it for ages till she drops it then itâs good for a bit till he cheats again. Repeat
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It will get better, but you have to forgive. Block her from social media so u donât see her , just make sure he knows that youâre not okay and that he will have to deal with it for a while. It will get better but it will always make you sick when you think about it.
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Feel free to message me, id rather not write in comments about certain things!
You can forgive him truly and completely from a distance.
Pack up and move on with your life. The anxiety of starting over and possibly dating again is so less than the stress of staying.
Youâll never once regret leaving. Never ever.
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You are so strong. Donât ever forget that. He put you in an awful situation. Sounds like you may need some anti-anxiety medication to go along with the therapy. Itâll help relieve some of the anger
Once trust is broken itâs very hard to put aside. Sounds like you are trying and he is trying however the wound may be too deep to recover from. You appear to be going down a bad road (drinking) to combat your feelings. Sometimes and I hate to say it, you may need to walk away.
I donât know if you could ever trust me again that if you love him and willing to try it you need to let it go donât let this man drag you down you are better than that only time will tell you but donât waste too much time on him and he still cheating life too short to waste your time on a man they donât love you the way you need to be loved so look deep inside yourself and it will tell you what you want you are strong person you can get through this
FYI no one that truly love you will not cheat⌠You donât live yourself if you allow someone to cheat and cone back⌠Thats not loveâŚ
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I have been through this! Were still very happily married and have gotten through the trust please fell free to message me mama! DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE SAY HE WILL NEVER CHANGE thatâs a lie some can!
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Never forget once a cheater always a cheater
Stop drinking to hide your emotions. It will bring zero results & will only alter your perspectives. This may be a significant factor in your stalled efforts to heal.
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He broke your trust you may never get that back. Itâs up to you do you want to live like that for who knows the rest of your life or until he finds someone else again. Or do you want to take the chance of finding better⌠Most women find better once they leave a dysfunctional relationship.
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I think you need more time to grieve the loss of the relationship you had with him because he wrecked that. What you have with him now is new and different and a choice youâve made to have with him. I also think you need to do what makes you feel powerful and confident. Maybe do yoga , start lifting weights and running. Go back to school, do some crafts or redecorate your house. Things that make you remember who you are and that you are fine with it without a partner, because you are.
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It might be you need to seperate so you can collect ur self emotionally and mentally. I left 2 marriages because of their cheating and abuse. Dont regret it one moment bcuz now im with an amazing man that i have loved for 19yrs. We raise our 9 kids together and hardly ever fight.
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That trust is gone, shattered. There is no replacing it. As much as I love my husband, if he ever cheated Iâd never take him back. Iâve been cheated on b4 and it hurts and there is never returning back to once was. Like my dad told meâŚwhat do you do with a shattered window? You replace it with something better and stronger. You need a better man.
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Iâve never been cheated on( always told my husband before we were married if he ever cheated itâs over) but obviously from your comments your not over it, please re-evaluate for your own mental and physical health if you really want to stay with him, you have turned to drinking to try to numb the pain from him cheating and thatâs not a good thing. Maybe separate for awhile so you can really decide if you can ever forgive and trust him again
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To find that trust again is extremely hard.All.you can do is is try
If you canât work through it and not hold it over his head all the time, your relationship wonât work. Heâll start to resent you for still holding onto that even though heâs changed.
Forgiveness comes from a place with in. It also is a selfish thing. Itâs for your peace of mind. If it is a constant reminder then you need to leave. Sadly if u can not move past it then you possible never will and if you take to long⌠he may give up trying. Ask your self if itâs worth it. Is it worth the stress 
is it worth your peace of mind. I am sorry but after infidelity generally it is over. Iâm sorry you had this happen. Please keep up therapy. You will eventually heal. When you do then go back to dating as u donât want to take out some one elseâs issues on the next person. I wish you the best. Hugs.
Love Dare Book, fireproof movie, forgiveness, keep going to counceling.
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Just remember it wasnât you, it was himâŚforgiveness that will set you free, but sometimes its better to move onâŚthe relationships will never be the sameâŚyou have to start newâŚlet it goâŚmake sure to set your boundaries
Drop that zero n find yourself. You deserve way better.
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You have to be able to put it behind you . You canât keep punishing you and your husband for something That happened a year ago. Your going to run your relationship in the ground. Your hurt yes but replace that hurt with more trust and forgiveness.
First off i think you need to take a step back you can still be in the same house just not in the same bedroom for awhile,he has to show you he is willing to change, he has to win your heart back, you can get back together but it takes time and there will be love but not like it was,
Give up the alcohol that won t help much one step at a time why do you all go together, do you have alone time as well
You can t fix a partnership until you fix you good luck hun
Think really hard about if you can forgive or if you need to move on.
If you choose to stay in the relationship and continue your live with him then you have to let it go⌠otherwise get out and move on
My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with our son. Itâs been two years since it happened, but I still think about it every now and again. Itâs rough, but if you want it to work, you and him will make it happen. Drinking isnât going to solve anything. If anything, it could make matters worse. I wish you the best.
If my husband of 11 years cheated on me and the rest of what your saying HECK NO! He would be long gone!!! If you wanna torment yourself then your on the right path just keep doing what youâre doing! Find someone else who will treat you the way God would treat you!!!
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Once that trust is broken you can never go back to how you guys were. So you either stay with him knowing that or you move on. Cause chances are he will do it again.
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Cheaters donât change imo
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You need to talk to your therapist about healthy coping mechanisms when the feelings hit vs grabbing alcohol.
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It takes a looooot of time and personal reflection. Youâll blame yourself at first, then realize heâs the one who made the conscious decision to do what he did. Also, a year isnât that long to get over something so traumatic, and you will have a voice in the back of your head everytime they donât answer the phone, youâll notice them texting different than they used to, youâll even catch yourself getting angry out of the blue even when it seems like theyâve changed. It takes BOTH of you to sit down and talk it out like adults and for him to understand thereâs gonna be days you want to shake him and scream why, but if he truly wants to work it out, heâs gonna have to put in the time and effort as well. Itâll never work out if only one person is putting in the effort
Same happened with my husband and I. Its been over 5 years and I still cannot trust him or forget all the details. His boat hoe was a bitch too who would contact me after they fought to tell me about everything he said to her about me and our children and how she was pregnant and the way he proposed to her in the beach and the list goes on ⌠that ended when I threatened to come find her in California.
I cannot get over it. He says hes changed but I doubt heâs faithful. I lost all my affection for him .
But hes careless and stupid when we are seperated and my kids suffer the consequences so Iâve decided to take the bullet and stay married in order to be sure our daughters DONâT get hurt. Yeah it sucks and DONâT make sense to most but I know for a fact its the best thing for the girls for the time being.
Thinking back I wish I wouldâve just let the stupid bitch take him awayâŚ
Thatâs gross leave him dont be desperate
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I couldnât do it. Iâd be done.
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Leave before you completely lose yourself.
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My husband tried â hooking up â with my best friend but before anything happened he ran into the room apologizing⌠but I always wonder if nothing really happened this occurred 7 years ago.
Lady, youâve started drinking and stalking this other woman. Itâs clear this man doesnât deserve you and itâs affecting your mental health!
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A lot people have survived cheating and went on to very long happy marriages, but they arenât you. You have some mental issues, that I suspect you had well before this, but perhaps you managed them better. Are you seeing a psychiatrist as well as a therapist? If not, I think perhaps youâve fallen into depression and since drinking is a classic form of self medicating, you may need to go get real meds. Go see your doctor and discuss the symptoms youâre experiencing and see if they are willing to prescribe meds or point you to a psychiatrist who will. You may want to consider changing therapists too. Has your present therapist tried to help you navigate through your overwhelming thoughts and obsessive behaviors? Have they recommended meds? This is so much bigger than a cheating husband and loss of trust. Sounds like you may have been codependent and he took your world when he cheated. Have you ever been single as an adult? These are all things you should be exploring in therapy. Thereâs some deep seeded insecurities and a chemical imbalance and perhaps codependency or personal identity issues youâre not dealing with properly.
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Therea no trust there and id leave him because he wont stop all the hurt heâs putting you through
Leave him, the relationship is broken
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I have walked this same path!! I was devastated but I took the hurt and turned it into determination!!! I wanted to show them both they could not break me!!! I cried myself to sleep many nights! I had to believe in my faith!!! Donât turn to vices that will only intensify the hurt!!! Be strong and know these feelings will be replaced with a much happier you!!!
1st and foremost you need to reflect and give yourself time to forgive him. It seems like you really want things to work out so start with that. Forgiveness gives your being peace. Also know that it is NOT your fault, its his. If you dont think you can get past it in time I hate to say its time to go. Thats a traumatic experience, 1 year is NOT enough time to just forgive and forget. I am not speaking from personal experience but I have helped a few ppl through similar things. What little help I could give. PLEASE talk to your therapist, even alone if you have to, and try to come up with a different coping mechanism! Drinking will not help and I am sure you are aware of that, just try a new hobby or interest. Find yourself again! Drinking I have had experience with and its not worth what things it could bring. Best of luck.
You can never really go back to how you were once trust is broken. That being said you can be happy with him again but it may take a while. Everyone is different when it comes to when they trust again and how they feel toward their spouse after they broke trust
I suggest moving on
I am still married working on divorce its the best thing for yourself
Honey if he cheated on you he does not love you. I know thatâs a tough pill to swallow, but itâs true if he truly loved you he would have never cheater at all and to make it worse it was an affair not just a one night stand. I would leave you deserve better then that. This relationship with never be ânormalâ again. No relationship is after someone has had an affair.
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People donât inherently change. You need to completely remove yourself from the situation. Stay in therapy and consider an AA meeting to get your drinking in check.
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Nope I wouldnât take my hubby back no life always wondering where they arw who they are with.
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By doing what youâre doing, she wins. Take your power back. My husband committed suicide and I started drinking. It lasted 20 years. I am now sober 10 years but I lost myself being angry those 20 years. Donât destroy yourself over things not under your control. Who cares what sheâs doing? If you want to trust, then trust. If not, take some time to heal and let him know that it will take time and maybe never. NO ONE is worth destroying your life.
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Went through this wanted him back at first but realized I deserved better. Moved on as hard as it was cause if he will do it once he will do it again. Just saying
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Start doing things for yourself and realize that itâs actually a 2-3 year average healing process without any set backs.
You may also want to seek counceling to help yourself, or tigether
Move onâŚ
Happened to me 15 years ago
Go find yourself a better life⌠donât waste time on toxic people âŚ
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Your therapist has probably told you already, that if you canât commit to fully working to overcome the indiscretion, there would be nothing more to work on.
If itâs been a year and you are still lashing out and turning to substance abuse.
You should leave for your own health and wellbeing.
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First of all the drinking is going to make you more depressed and will make everything worse not having a clear head and I donât know how much our how long youâve been drinking but it will destroy you that alone. As far as cheating husband he ended it and is trying to safe his marriage he made a terrible decision but depending on how much you want to safe the marriage it can be saved but you can move past it in time.
I did with my husband and we were very happy if you canât move on and get the drinking under control.
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Seriously kick his ass out!!!
Walk AWAY if not it will tear you apart be kind to yourself
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It will happen again and deep down you know that. You havenât regained trusting him you think you have
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Your going to need to move on. Starting to drink all the time is going in a terrible direction already. Stay in counseling but its very obvious this has deeply impacted you. Prayers.
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if u love him forgive himâŚâŚâŚâŚ.he canât go back and change it !!!
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Look up Esther Perells content. She has an interesting take on it.
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Sounds like if your husband cheating send to into that much of a downward spiral then you had bigger emotional and mental issues to begin with and you should continue therapy but really digging find the reason why this event made you going to be this much of a downward spiral and the drinking to mask your feelings or work through whatever feelings youâre having is a slippery slope because thatâs how alcoholics happen. You need to have a little bit more ownership and control over yourself if you canât and youâre just going to use your husband cheating as a reason to self destruct then you donât need to be in that relationship. If you canât let go in a healthy manner then your best bet is to walk away.
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You wonât get over it. This is what you choose to live with if you decide to continue with a dishonest partner. It may fade with time but there will always be a black spot that will impact the way you feel about your husband. Many relationships that survive affairs donât last long afterwards because of this.
If you canât, he goes. End of story.
Forget it or leave him. You will get over it.
Speaking from my own experience,my daughterâs father was unfaithful a multitude of times.I kept forgiving him & desperately tried to make the relationship work.5 years I tried for & then something just snapped in my head & I said no more.He is happily married to his last mistress now & Iâm also happy & settled.Some relationships are just not meant to be,no matter how hard you try.We can all give you all the advice in the world but ultimately this is a desicion you must make alone.Good luck.x
I think you should go cheat. And then leave him and come back and leave againâŚ3 times. Let him know how it feels. See if he can just get over itâŚ
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He doesnt love you! You are his convenience and his stability. He left 3 times sis! U gotta be ann ass or that dick must be real good!!! U will never get over it cause it will never be over⌠he will always do it in discretion. You are not enough and will never be. Yes my words are harsh but itâs also real, truth as raw as u can get it.
Get sober for your kids and make a new life with them. Period.
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He cheated? HE DOESâN LOVE YOU !
As you say " he loves you " if so How can he love another lady? See whatâs the reason for it. From your side and his side.Ask him what made him to fall in love with her ? What attracted him the most which you donât have and for her to have ? After all we are all human beings, Question him! Talk to him tell him itâs a big headache and your are not mentally stable by thinking! Communicate. Overcome of it. Think wisely. Drinking will lead you no where. I understand having nightmares and knowing he had been loving another lady while you guys were married, thatâs not a good thing at all. Give him one last chance and see. Make him to understand what he did was very very wrong. Marriage life is not something to play with. Itâs very easy to give a divorce but try your best to protect your marriage life! Some people learn from there mistakes and regret for a lifetime. Donât let another woman to ruin your beautiful little family. Of course Keep and eye on the lady and your husband! Donât give up! Always lsten to your gut and heart, if the same is repeated walk away!! sorry you had to face such thing!
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You are experiencing PTSD⌠And this time of year is triggering it really bad for you right now, Iâve been through this, I hate to tell you but you never really get over it, it changes you⌠But you will get better, but if you ever catch him in a lie, lose him!!
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Once a cheater, always a cheater, Dump him and move on.
Are you afraid to be alone? Are you dependent on him for financial support? Do you doubt yourself and have low self esteem? Are you focusing on them because youâre afraid of what youâll learn about yourself? BTW, you are way more wonderful than you know & you need to give yourself the grace to find out how awesome you already are!
Distance yourself from your husband and his ex lover & just focus on yourself (yes, this is SUPER hard). Seeing him every day just rubs salt in the wound. Obsessing and drinking just delays and distracts you from the work you have to do to heal yourself.
Start journaling. Write down 3 good qualities you have and 3 things youâre thankful for every day, and 3 things you hope for your future independent of your relationship with him. Write letters to him about how sad and angry you are. You donât have to send or give them to him, itâs for you.Wrote one to his ex lover but do NOT send it. Take these to your therapist to help her/him help you.
Ask your doc about anti-anxiety and antidepressant meds. Start going to AA. This man is SO not worth becoming an alcoholic.
I agree with many on here, living apart while you both get your heads together may be beneficial. You may decide you like the idea of him or your hopes for your relationship better than who he really is and what you really have. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
You are more than enough all by yourself: be the person you wanted to marry. You are stronger and more capable than you know & donât need to depend on a man for love or anything else. You donât need the love, you are the love.
Surround yourself with strong, independent women and learn from them. Living well is the best revenge.
Itâs a process, though and wonât happen overnight. If your current therapist is not working for you, you may need a new one, but you have to focus on and care for yourself and do the work: no shortcuts. Let go of the word âshould.â
Good luck! Sending healing vibes and know that you can go from your present state of misery to a beautiful, independent butterfly! 
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My âboyfriendâ at the time cheated on me when I was 8 months pregnant. He missed several doctors appts to check on his child to be with this girl. According to them nothing ever got intimate but Iâm not stupidâŚI believe it did & if they hadnât yet then I know it was only a matter of time before they did. Even after I tried making things work. Even after I felt like he was trying to right his wrongs, I felt like no matter how much I tried to forgive I just couldnât forget. There will always be that voice In the back of your head asking if theyâre being faithful. Youâll wonder what heâs doing everytime he leaves the house without you. Youâll constantly doubt him. Itâs hard. EXTREMELY HARD. Itâs something you will never quite get over. You have to ask yourself. Is he worth it? Is staying with him after everything he put you through worth compromising your mental health? Because right now it seems like the relationship you two have isnât healthy. Once I realized that being with him compromised everything else in my life, we split ways! Part of me will always love him, he was my high school sweetheart & the father to my first born but in the end, my child & myself were better off without him. & because we split ways I found someone that was way better to us. He accepted my son as his own and has never once made me question his faithfulness! Always rememberâŚOne door closes so another can open! Idk if any of this helped you but I hope that things work out for you! And that you find the strength to do what you feel is best! 
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It will never go away NEVET
A year may not be long enough to rebuild your trust, and possibly the therapist is not the right one for you.
People do manage to recover from such betrayal, but it takes time & commitment.
I completely relate to the feelings you are having. I got over a similar situation but it took a long time.