I think every parent should willingly support their kids, that being said it doesn’t happen a lot. I personally do not get cs nor have anything set up in court but that was my choice. I would rather not risk him getting visitation, even though it would be easy to prove him not fit as he isn’t a fit parent. Would it help, definitely. Would I rather struggle than see a dime from him? Absolutely. That being said my bf now pays child support out of each of his checks on his oldest. Its really just a choice you have to make. Do you want him in the child’s life? Do you want his help raising your child? If yes then I would absolutely call the cs unit near you and set it up. If not then as I did I would take my child and be gone. I have given him the option to take me to court, but I doubt that will ever happen. But 5hat was after him repeatedly being drunk on his visitation days (which is also why we split up) and I can’t trust him to be sober to have my daughter much less ensure she’s safe. He has a problem he needs to address before bringing my child back in and hurting her more than he already has. But thats entirely up to thenmother and situation at hand. But yes I do think both parents should have to support the child they made
If he doesn’t want to be involved thats his choice but you should file so he’s held to some form of responsibility just as you are while you raise the baby alone
File for child support the system handles tracking him down dna testing him and he will get put on the birth certificate I recommend planning to get a parenting plan done though right after which may require a lawyer
Up here in NY, If u want cash assistance from social services, they automatically take him for child support, after getting paternity. And they also take the father of the child(ren) to court for him to pay for health insurance. If he can’t afford it then your children will get medicaid. I’ve went threw this twice for both my kids their father is on their BC, but were not together, I did not take him to court for CS Bc we have a mutual agreement and we co parent easily. Now when it comes to custody, u can put a petition for sole custody. And prove that the child’s father has never seen them or doesn’t want too. They will send the petition to him to appear in court. 9 chances out of 10 if he doesn’t show then the judge will give you full custody. And if he wants to see the child u have the right to tell him get a visitation court order. They will send u papers to appear in court and see what the judge does from there. Sometimes it’s so many hrs a day for 2 or 3 days a week. Every other Weekend or holiday. Some judges say(depending) on the situation the father is in, they have supervised visits. My childrens father can’t afford to pay for insurance threw his job so my children have insurance threw the state of NYS.
Oh nah, my oldest sons father isn’t on the birth certificate and no child support, that’s the way I like it.
Every state is different. My boys dad is on their birth certificate and now on child support. However in the state of Indiana the day the were born (2016&2019) since we were not married he had to sign papers giving me sole custody and that he’s only financially responsible for them. Even tho he’s now on child support I don’t have to let him see them since he has no rights unless he takes me to court for those rights. If he even crosses state lines without me knowing, he would be charged with kidnapping
You have to get paternity proven. If he isn’t on certificate he doesn’t have any legal rights ect to child and you’d have to get it established. Anybody can claim someone’s the father (not saying your lying) but if he refuses then unfortunately it’s a process. If it were me I’d let him go and take full rights for the child and leave it at that. Why force someone if they don’t want to? I mean I get the child support but I guess to me it isn’t worth the $.
In some states the court will help establish paternity and if he is the father they will require him to pay child support esp if you receive any type of assistance like medicaid and food stamps. Also child support does not equal custody those are 2 separate issues in AZ you must go through separate courts to establish dont let anyone scare you out of seeking child support because of custody issues.
Listen young woman, get a job, put your name on your child’s birth certificate and mind your child. Be proud of your name and dedicate your life to making your child the best person alive. Forget that sperm donor.
You can go to court and have him set up for child support but that don’t mean he will pay it. I put my ex husband in contempt three times for failure to pay. He’d pay current to stay out of jail and then not pay. It got old. So I just do it on my own. If you want child support then eventually if he “exercises” his parental rights you’ll have to split time with said child with father.
If you put him on the birth certificate then he has legal rights to the child, same as when you go for support. Sooo weigh your options, do you really want this person in your child’s life? For who? For you or for you child? Some “dad’s” do more by being out of the picture
I personally wouldn’t. But then again, i have always told my husband if we never work out i don’t want his money at all i just want him to be a dad. Even if (which he’d never he’s a great dad) decided not to come around, so be it. I don’t want him to have something to hold over my head or say “you still need me” no hun. No i don’t. It’s just not worth it to me. I’ve also been the kid that was the dollar sign to child support and i hated it. My mom is a great mom and i love her so so much but I would always hear my mom say “child support is late i need it to pay this or that” and i DONT and i REFUSE to be that person. IF i ever was given child support, it would be put in a separate account that my kids could have access to at 18 ish or graduation to help pay for college or at 16 to help with a car.
On the birth certificate or not, rights and visitation is NOT contengient on child support.
I know for a fact (in TX for sure) in some states will only award the mother 4 years of retro pay so the longer you wait to file, the more money you lose. File immediately and get a court ordered DNA test. Once its confirmed then child support court will determine your payment amount. If he doesnt show up or refuses the DNA test then you win by default. The court will issue a new birth certificate with the fathers name on it
What was your status with him when you got pregnant?
What was his reaction when you told him you were pregnant?
By taking him to child support and establishing paternity you putting this man in your life for the next 18 years. You are giving him access to your you and your child no matter what. And yes by establishing paternity he has the right to ask for visitations and possibly custody if he is in a better situation then you are then you are forced to pay child support.
Just an fyi… If paternity is established and no custody agreement is made he has a right to come and get the child and keep the child for as long as he wants because in the laws eyes he is the father.
If he is not on the birth certificate and you do not live together then yes. He made a a baby too
It would be selfish to not go for child support. Your child deserves that.
Can you still add a dad without him there anymore? I was told both parents had to be there 
No because in texas, if the father is on the birth certificate and takes the child from the mother, he wont be charged with kidnapping…
This comment IS NOT ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT. Im clarifying that right at the start. Just reading thru the comments and expressing an opinion about pregnancy…PERIOD. First of all Im a firm believer in men OR women paying child support…but as for getting pregnant to start with this isnt the dark ages! There is absolutely no reason for any woman to get pregnant unless she wants too! Too many forms of birth control. Yes men can protect themselves also and NEED to but remember what ALL the comments here are in AGREEMENT on. IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A BABY. So even if the other isnt responsible YOU are responsible for YOUR OWN actions. If you’re old enough to be havin sex then you should know thats how babies are made. ALL IM SAYING IS dont blame JUST the guy. So the HE didnt wear a condom? Why didnt the SHE swallow a pill? Or use the many many other forms of birth control we have out there! It goes both ways. No ONE person is to blame for a pregnancy…unless its rape of course. Ive just seen too many young girls in this day and age get pregnant JUST for child support or thinking it will keep the man or even make the super young girls feel like they are grown now like “hey ive got a baby im a woman now!” Literally heard this spoken by someone. Its so sad.
Why didn’t you just put him on the BC when you had the chance to? Are you wanting to add him because you are mad that he isn’t paying attention to the baby?
File …do paternity he is still responsible for the child even if he dont wanna be involved
You don’t have to get dad on the birth certificate to get child support 
you just go down to your state office for assistance and they normally have child support workers in the office to get everything set up and served take a few weeks don’t put him on the birth certificate unless you want to share custody in some states that gives dads full rights that’s a whole other can of worms if dad doesn’t see talk to or even visit baby after six months you can file for abandonment threw family court get full custody
You need to find out the laws in the state you live in, before taking any actions.
If he isn’t on birth certificate you need to go to court and ask the judge for DNA.
You just call your local child support office and they tell you how.
In my state you have to pay $500 for a DNA test to have the father’s name on the birth certificate if you didn’t write his name on it before leaving the hospital.
Okay so I’m going to give my personal experience here because I still got issues with my baby daddy but not as much.
Leave the man alone. You can not make him pay it, you can not make him be a dad.
Just because there is child support, doesn’t mean he will pay. My ex wouldn’t keep a job long since child support would garnish his wages and was still behind over 7k when I dropped the child support in order for him to sign over his rights.
I fought for over 10years to have this man be dad to my daughter. Finally I was comfortable to say enough was enough and give him his freedom he wanted. He’s a pretty good dad now and we “co-parent” well knowing my husband is her adoptive father as he’s raised her since she was 3 and she’ll be 12 this year.
Now to file, find you local child support office, and they will walk you through it and there will be a DNA test done too.
You can “clearly see”? So there’s a chance it isn’t?
Why do women keep having kids with men they are not with or havent been with long enough
That man doesn’t want you or your kid! Leave him alone!
Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Will cause problems later if he still refuses baby. Just take him for suport.
Name him. File paternity. He is responsible.
Go to the child support office in your area and fill out the papers
File paternity and then child support with the courts
Get a lawyer
If in Texas contact Greg Abbotts office
Yes, you definitely file for child support. It is not for you, it is for the support of your child who he helped to create. It is his responsibility even if he wants nothing to do with his child. Put his name on the certificate. It will be better in the long run.
This is my experience…my son’s father is on the birth certificate and he sees him regularly or at least at his convenience. He has never paid a dime in child support. However, he has no job so he wouldn’t pay even if he was told to do so. This would just cause more legal struggles for his dad and tension between us. The child support would certainly make us more comfortable and stable financially but is not necessary for our survival. So my advice is to do what’s best and necessary for you and your family.
Leave him alone. Did u have the kid for a paycheck?
I would check and see what the requirements are for your area. I’m in TN and if I could go back, I wouldn’t have put my BD on child support, bc here if you establish child support that also guarantees him a parenting plan and visitation schedule. So he wasn’t even active for her first year of life, he was MIA, until it was forced upon after establishing that child support. Because he didn’t want to contest that it’s not his child.
It will be WAY easier in the long run if you leave him out of the picture and let him spend his own money if he wants rights or anything! You’re only 7 weeks postpartum so I’d say just ride it out for a while and let things settle and your emotions come back around and then make your decision. Maybe 6-12 months from now. But I’m telling you from experience It’s just easier if you forget about him!
Depends on your state and situation I have my son’s sperm donor on child support for 6yrs now & literally he never paid not even a penny he is behind $20,000 and they do nothing I’m in NJ I do it myself & found my soul mate 5yrs ago & he raises my son as his own once we’re officially married I’m going to have him adopt my son because his bio doesn’t see nor speak to him either & my son calls my fiance dad anyways for the last 4yrs…sometimes it’s more of a hassle then a help & if he doesn’t want to be involved don’t force it some people aren’t good parents & god forbid it’s forced & something negative happens.
Need more info. What was this relationship before you got pregnant? Did he want this baby? It’s my opinion if he told you early on he didn’t want this baby… men should have choices too and leave him alone. If you had a relationship with him ask him to come meet the baby without legality. Then if he won’t willing go, let the court handle it.
Why are you trying to force a man into a baby’s life that he clearly doesn’t want to be in? That’s incredibly selfish and extremely damaging to the child in the long run, it sounds super immature.
Do you have the means to ensure financial well being for you and your son without additional income? If not, than anything short of ensuring that your child has adequate means would be the selfish act. Not this.
Consult with a lawyer.
Child support is not selfish, it’s for your child who deserves it
I know where I live even if the father is on the birth certificate he doesn’t have any rights unless y’all are married at the time the child was conceived. You can however still file for child support and they will send him a notice for a paternity test if he refuses the test he is basically saying the baby is his and they will start the process. If you are wanting him to have rights I would definitely check into because here the father has to be legitimized even if he signs the birth certificate if the two of you are not married.
File child support. Problem solved
You Both have a responsibility to the child but he will also rights also like visitation, etc!
I’m sorry Leanne Leonard but I’ve got to say as a mother I do not believe you have the right to emit or prevent the father being on birth certificate. Let’s face it it’s a decision that’s made NOT in best interests of child . At the end of the day a father on birth certificate enables the CHILD to have a reference re medical etc not to mention your denying heritage and that’s a sin … How on earth could you possibly make a personal choice that affects another person or persons with no regard for their rights let alone default duty of care . Absolutely this is crazy I mean who claims child support but refuses to add father ? Again let’s face reality the mother is never in question cause bshe built carried and gave birth to the child to not have a father on birth certificate bjust says everyone is your father and I’m too selfish to acknowledge the partner I created you with …deadset regardless of personal options and choice regards to partners no way at any point does father or child recind their duty of care to each other . Grr we know some fathers and mothers are useless but truth be told the children don’t need to be influenced and let them discover for themselves what they want or don’t want … #sharedcare is the ONLY way and yes before you say it Leanne even Robby yes that’s right even Robby and your children deserve to find out themselves what the op is like and decide if that’s something they want in their life again let’s face it I’m confident that the custodial parent will equip and teach enough for the young person to see exactly for themselves how and what things are like …
Do it on your own! Ask him to surrender his rights now and you’ll be happier in the long run for it!
Do what you Gotta do to get your paper boo-boo…
Also, if you’re getting any state assistance in most places you HAVE TO establish paternity. Might as well get the ball rolling since everything takes forever right now with the 'rona still being pushed.
The only ones who say what you quoted are deadbeat dads with multiple children they don’t pay for.
Go to the county file and county gets DNA test and goes from there. Deadbeat dad will throw tantrum bc only way to force people to act is by their money. Let him stay away he sounds like a real winner
You can do this wo his name on birth certificate file thru child support office they will order a DNA test then child support. I did this wo any help its easy applying
In Colorado u take a dna test n the father gets put in the birth certificate. Child support is started once paternity is established. Get a parenting plan started with the courts and request 100% say in what happens to ur child and present it to the judge
You all disgust me with your inability to let bygones be bygones and would you really like no father on your birth certificate …it’s called vexatious actions by design made to prevent op accessing rights . Not for him or you for the bloody children …what’s wrong with you women besides being scorned FFS Iean GET OVER IT man O man talk about selfish acts of disbelief
I haven’t read all the comments but I was in this situation.
I called and texted my sons father for hours while at the hospital so he could be there for his sons birth, despite us not being together. He never showed up, never signed the BC, never wanted to be a dad. He met our son once, and disappeared again. I did not go after child support, if he didn’t want his child that was fine, I’d work my ass off to provide for my son without a deadbeat. You don’t want to love our child, I don’t want anything from you. My oldest sons dad was pissed off he was paying child support but my second sons dad wasn’t, he got over it and he realized he really wasn’t going to be involved. Fast forward coming up on 8 years, his dad has reached out once (7 years ago when he found out I had a boyfriend) did not ask about our son… just about me. My boyfriend of 7 years is now in the process of adopting my son as he’s raised him, and his biological father has no say in it what so ever.
Was I’m the same situation I thought I was doing what was right she deserved to have a father but here it is 10 years later he still won’t see her she still askes if she can see him and I don’t want or need the money because all it does is make me angry he can pay 25$ a month and honestly I don’t need it at all I support her 100% just fine l I wish I’d just claimed I didn’t know who her father was would have been the same either way
I have 2 kids they are both on child support…I dont care if I get $5 a week. He dont pay, but he is on child support, I put my youngest dad on child support immediately, because he didn’t wanna help with her. If you not gonna be here physically to help with this child, then you will help financially
I’m ny u have up to one year after birth to put his name on the certificate so u must establish that now since the baby is only 7 weeks. Go to court and do a child support order then everything else will fall in please. I hope all goes well
I original sent my sons in blank on his father’s side. The fact that men do this crap is insane to me. He can figure it out themselves bc I birthed one child … not a grown man that’s too busy running the streets. Be there or be square.
Baby #1…My sons BM put “father unknown”…she wouldn’t let him in birthing room…and kept the baby away from him… and still took him to court for CS…he pays(he is the father) and my granddaughter has HER last name(she won’t change it)…Baby #2…they have a 7wk old together, he was there for the birth(they’re getting along)…and she STILL put HER last name…so my son decided to report to CS they have another baby together…So ma’am you do what you have to do to get that financial help your baby needs(deserves)…it takes 2 to tango…but if he refuses to see the baby…let it be…he isn’t only hurting himself…he is hurting that baby…when that baby grows up…he is going to resent him…trust me; I PERSONALLY KNOW…good luck with everything
Girl forget the child support RS. From personal experience and watching others just leave that man alone. And enjoy your baby. As time goes on and he’s still not around, go for custody. But only go for custody when you have hard proof and evidence as to why you should have sole custody. (Sometimes they’ll even try and give both joint, that’s what happened to me with my first child). But research your states laws. And girl don’t bother stirring up a HUGE HEADACHE.
I think the for some, it’s best to leave it alone, IF the father is not a good person. His name on the BC gives him automatic FULL parenting rights, the same as you. The law does not care that the child lives with you, or you spend more to support the child. Unless or until he is proven unfit by a court of law, or a judge finds reason to limit his parental rights, he has just as much right to the child and to make decisions for the child as you do. Seeking child support will automatically put him on the birth certificate (I assume in all states). I, personally, believe that ALL parents Should support their child and that’s it shitty that any parent should ever have to be court ordered to. BUT, all custodial parents HAVE to think hard about whether or not they’d be opening up a can of worms that is so detrimental to the child’s wellbeing, that it’s NOT worth the money from child support. If he’s that type that would keep the baby from you if you let him take the child for a bit, if his name is on the Birth Certificate and there is NO court ordered custody and visitation plan, there will be nothing you can do to get the baby back until you file in court for custody. With his name NOT on the BC, he is NOT the child’s legal father and could be charged with custodial Interference.
Not sure if every state is different, but in Massachusetts you cannot put anyone on the birth certificate that isn’t physically present and willing to take responsibility. If he does not sign willingly, you’d have to file to establish paternity first, which will include a DNA test done by the courts. I know I’ve heard of stories from other states of women putting men down that aren’t the fathers and the men being held liable, so I have a strong feeling they made it the way it is in MA to prevent these issues. Also, to anyone who says “if you want child support, you don’t need that child”— gfy. If the one who doesn’t wanna pay didn’t want a child or financial obligation, should’ve worn a condom. Nobody getting child support is getting enough to sustain entire living (besides celebrities), it’s money for the child, the end
I’d be thankful he isn’t on the birth certificate and leave it alone! He’s clearly not a good dad nor wants to be involved. I made the mistake of allowing a POS get on my first borns birth certificate. BTW he owes me 80k and counting. I haven’t seen a dime in years nor do it expect to see it. Nor do I care. He hasn’t seen the child in 5 years.
It’s your job as a mother to get child support. You would be robbing your child of money they are entitled to. You really have no right depriving your child of that support. Of you can support the child on your own, start an account for their college tuition with it.
Put him in the birth certificate and child support…God forbid something happens to the dad, how can you prove he is the dad, so you can get benefits for your child, like social security benefits,
Child support is the law…why would you hurt your child financially. Get child support, it’s the law.
I’d say contact a lawyer in your area. Consultations are free. Every state is different. Laws are different.
Start at your local DHR & go from there. Cuz some of these comments are down right insane.
Who says if u want cs u shouldnt have had a baby… foh. No hold these men responsible for their actions.
You will catch hell if you put him on the birth certificate. I would NOT
Petition for paternity! Start there and courts will take it!
I feel bad for your child.
My daughter’s father is on the birth certificate. He moved out of state when she was 6 months. At age 5, she was placed in the ICU for a brain tumor and needed surgery. They never once asked for a birth certificate or sought the father’s name… but I’m in New York State so idk if that makes a difference
Also, I regularly get child support through the state communicating directly with his employers. He had step kids now and I don’t bother listing him on anything because he’s not involved and I make all decisions for her. But he’s also literally stupid so that may be part of it…he doesn’t know any better than to do what he’s doing
Go after child support
go after child support
Call his mom
Meet ur grandchild
Department of revenue website
Don’t put him on the birth certificate because if you do then he has the same amount of rights to that child as you do which means he can go amd take that baby whenever he pleases! I say go to court, get a DNA test (just incase he trys to say the baby isn’t his) and file for child support! Filing for child support doesnt mean you cant take care of your child and whoever has made that comment to you is a dumbass. He is the father its part of his responsibility to take care of that child too and since he doesn’t want to see the child or have anything to do with it then he can pay child support and help you support rhe child HE helped you make.
Hey he helps make the baby
Having had the experiences I’ve had NO!! I’d ask him to sign over his rights if he wants nothing to do with the baby!! With this you wont get child support but you can get other assistance and wont have to deal with getting consent from him for your son!! If you put him on child support, birth certificate, etc he can make your life a living hell!! I would take advantage of the fact that he isnt showing interest and ask him to sign his rights over before it’s too late!! Hes already a dead beat dad and hes not going to change so do you and your baby a favor!! Good luck and God Bless!!
Apply for other benefits. If he’s not around don’t put him on the certificate. If something happens to you then your baby will have to go with that man. You will also need permission for other things down the line too. Putting someone who doesn’t want to be put on will bring on other issues. I’m sorry it’s happening to you I say apply for all the benefits you can. You both don’t need him
It will depend on your state like many have said so check with you social services department to see what they offer. I worked for child supper and we did paternity testing right there as well as establishment. If your question is ethical as in should you do it at all personally I think yes. I think it takes two to make a child and two to raise a child and that child deserves every opportunity it would otherwise have in a two parent family. If he wants nothing to do with the child that’s his business but he does have an obligation to financially support the child. It’s not easy being a single parent and the one who suffers most is the child. Good luck to you both.
I would just give him the option of in or out.
If he wants to accept the baby as his child in amy way- he needs to help.
But if hes not ready or doesnt want to be a father- probably best to let him go. 
That way both of you have equal choice in being a parent.
DONT PUT HIM ON ANYTHING. count your blessings. Establish paternity without it through the court. As far as people saying leave the man out of it. He certainly didn’t leave his man out of it soooo don’t listen to one word of that nonsense. I’m tired of women left holding everything together and people treating them shamefully…good luck mama. 
It’s obvious he does not want to be a part of baby’s life or yours. Move on… You’ll be better off without him! Been there! 
Good luck and congratulations on your baby! 
Court … they’ll establish paternity and order support all in one shot. Don’t pay attention to anyone else. What matters is the well being of you and your child. The way it was put to me is that the support is owed to your child not you so don’t feel bad about fighting for what your child deserves. Also, who TF has the right to tell a woman they shouldn’t have a child if they need child support?! The baby is here, too late for that comment. Don’t listen to bitter, hateful people.
My daughters dad is on her birth certificate. BIGGEST mistake I made. I can’t do anything without his consent and he wants nothing to do with her. haven’t seem him in 11 years (she’s 12) we want to travel and I cant get her passport without lawyers being involved because he won’t even talk to me to sign paper for her
Yes go apply for child support they will get him to do a DNA test.He needs to help support his child to. Then if he does not want to see the baby that is his fault .
It would be beneficial for you and the baby to have as much support as possible so yes go to the department of revenue and start establishing child support. My daughters father left me while I was pregnant and dodged my calls until I decided I needed help. If the father does not want to step up then you will have to raise the baby by yourself so you will need as much help as possible. Also it would be a good idea to have the fathers name on the birth certificate so your children know who is their father too. Good luck
He doesn’t have to be on the birth certificate. You can still file for child support. They’ll establish paternity and get the order for you.
Do NOT put him in the BC that will bring you more problems when your baby is older for example obtaining a passport. File for CS in court and they will tell you how to proceed. Good luck.
Hunny just apply for food stamps they’ll put the father on child support for you. He helped create that child and whether he wants to or not he needs to help support that baby. That’s my opinion anyways. My kids father walked out right after they were born and man are we better for it but he is on child support because it takes 2 to tango.
Make him pay child support. Don’t put him name on birth certificate. Get DNA rather he wants anything to do with the baby or not he did his part getting it here and he should financial support.
Honestly to an extent it depends what you want in the future. Him not being on the birth certificate has huge advantages in the future for you with certain things . Like never needing his signature for anything