How can I help my friend through her miscarriage?

My friend recently had a miscarriage more than half way through pregnancy she’s hurting so bad and I want to be there for her but she’s not talking to anyone. Just staying to herself. Which I totally understand but since I can’t do anything to help her or be there for her, I was thinking there might be something special or sentimental to give her. Is this a good idea? If so can anyone give suggestions or ideas? I have never Lost a child and I can’t imagine, I am just so afraid of saying or doing the wrong things. I don’t want to do something I think is helpful and it be hurtful.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I help my friend through her miscarriage?

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No. The “sentimental” item will just remind her of her loss. Just respect her wishes and give her space.

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I lost my child when he was 18 . Nothing you say or do will help. All you can do is let her know you’re there for her . Maybe cook a meal or 2…maybe help with chores.

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I lost my baby at 18 weeks. Is she having the baby cremated? If so what helped me is by putting my baby’s urn into a stuffed animal so I could hold him. My friend put a zipper on the bears back. I also had my son’s hand and footprint put into a necklace ordered off Etsy
Also help with meals or laundry and such because when you’re going through that that’s the last thing you want to do.

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Pray with her. Be available when she needs you. Listen to her and just let her know she’s not alone. There are also grief support on fb and at some churches. God bless.

As a mum who has lost a baby, there is not a lot you can really do for her. When she is ready she will reach out, maybe just cook her a meal or 2 and drop it off with a hug and an ‘I’m here whenever you need’.

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I’d just give her some space. Maybe send a text saying you know she wants some space but when she is ready you are only a phone call away.

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I would do coffee/fast food gift cards, candles, anything comforting. Keep in mind, she’s not only going through the emotional aspect of it but the physical and hormonal aspect as well so she may not be up for company some days. I remember just wanting to lay in bed, watch my favorite shows, and comfort eat. After a bit, I was ready to go to a restaurant, shop, etc so let her know you’re there for her when she’s ready and needs to get out for a bit. Talk about, ask her about her pregnancy when you feel the time is right. I feel like people never know what to say so they just kinda ignore you for a while to avoid the uncomfortableness.

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Food just drop off and leave or give to the spouse to take. Just like inserted into the house some how without intruding on her healing time but she’ll see something in the kitchen or fridge when she’s hungry ready to go and can feel less overwhelmed

I have had several last year. One, let her know you love her and are there for her when she is ready to even speak. It is soul shattering, to many it’s just a miscarriage, to her it was already her baby/child/heart. It crushed me when people acted like them pregnancies/miscarriages were any different from the ones that gave me my beautiful sons. So, maybe a card, robe, candles, cozy socks, blanket? Depending on her, but really the only thing you can do is aknlowledge she lost a child and try and help her be comfortable in grieving, let her know you couldn’t imagine, and if she needs you, she has you. It’s hard

When I lost my child at 19 weeks - and almost died during the birth myself. I could barely get out of bed. My guy told me to get up and go for walks, to do things I loved to do (at the time it was watching hair videos - I ended up going to cosmetology school tho I’m studying something else now)

That’s just to say, she honestly may need a reason to get out of bed. And gradually. If you can help her do that, then she can do the rest herself.

Also, she might want to/need to speak with other women who have experienced it. Its an intense feeling of isolation and aloneness that compounds the pain. Hope your friend heals

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Aw bless you Hunni
Try sending her some flowers and a box of chocolates
This won’t be an easy time for her
Physically or emotionally
I’ve had a few miscarriages
And I know I just wanted to be alone
To grieve

Let her know you’re there for her. Don’t be afraid to talk about her baby or do something to memorialize the child. It will mean a lot. I lost my son at 24 weeks.

When I had my miscarriage, it was the most exhausting feeling to have to be grateful to those sending their condolences. But it’s also the most jerk feeling to ignore their condolences.

The space is really, truly desired during a time like that.

Give her some time. After some time, take her some coffee or tea in the morning. Don’t expect to talk about it. If she wants to, let her. But don’t bring it up first.

It’s honestly exhausting to feel sympathized for.

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Meal train… Laundry. Dishes. She’s probably going to go through a depression. Help her keep the house clean. Other than those things, give her space. She’ll eventually come up with her own comfort thing.

Send her some edible arrangements just be there when she ready. When I had mine all I did was cry

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I got my friend some comfy pj pants and a chocolate bar. There’s really not much you can do. I just hoped that it made her feel some comfort if at all possible. I talked to her about it every time she mentions it but I’m really horrible with words. I just wanted her to know she could talk about it as much as needed.

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Give her some space if that’s what she wants give her time it’s okay to ask if she wants company and if she does just be there there’s nothing you can do or say to actually make it better

Maybe make her some homemade meals or meal prep for her to help a little and spend some time

I’ve had miscarriages and I can tell you it’s very lonely because she will isolate herself because no one can feel what she’s feeling it’s possible she will suffer from depression from now on but having a friend to rely on and that’s she knows you’ll be there will mean everything

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Give her the time that she needs but also maybe some flowers with a heartfelt card just letting her know that when she is ready you will be there. Your a great friend and your friend is very lucky to have you. I hope your friend may be able to heal emotionally and physically soon. :hugs:

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I’ve had two miscarriages and the absolute best thing you can do is just sit in silence with her, make dinner, be attentive. As time goes on you can offer to help plan something to remember the baby if that’s what she wants to do, there are lots of sentimental items you can buy to help honor her babies life and the short time the baby was here. Never let anyone tell her she’s not a mother, that’s the worst thing that’s said to moms who miscarry, never let anyone tell her, her baby wasn’t a baby, it was her baby and she’s not hurting anyone in saying she’s a mom, or saying she lost her baby, but there are people out there that will try to minimize her experience, protect her from that if you can. 1 in 4, there is a large community of us moms who’ve lost babies and lots of awesome Facebook groups where we gather and talk, if she is open to it have her join in. The women in the loss and miscarriage groups are incredible when it comes to support and understanding.

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Such a difficult time for your friend and having had 4 miscarriages it can mess you around. People will say “well meaning things” like God knows best and there will be other children etc. Please try and not say things like that. Just let her know you love her and care for her, her hubby/partner and if she wants to talk that you are there. We all cope differently. I would just send a message every couple of days “thinking of you”, “hugs” sort of thing so she knows you are there when she is ready.

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When I had a stillbirth i got on the waiting list for a molly bear that can be something maybe not right now ,just be there for her it took me a year to go to counseling and a pregnancy/ infant loss support group not everyone can or wants to do that and that’s ok, you could give her a journal to write in and a stuffed animal to hold while sad, anything to comfort her is helpful.

Acknowledgement of the loss… Support as best you can… give time … Bring around a care pack with bubble bath candle?? Or cooked meal ready to reheat… be there… know that any hurtful behaviour isn’t directed towards you … message her to let her know that you are there to cry to.

If she has ashes, perhaps a voucher from a store like this when she is ready.

Otherwise just be the friend who drops off a dinner, takes her for a drive if she wants to, just sit with her and have a coffee, ring from the supermarket and ask ring to check if she needs anything.
Just being there for her when she needs a friend is the greatest gift you can give.
It’s important to acknowledge this baby though. I’ve heard some horrific things said to mums who have lost a baby/miscarried.

It sounds like you are a lovely caring friend.:sparkling_heart:

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Send her a card or text messages letting her know that you are thinking about her & sending hugs. Get her a soft robe or blanket. Please don’t say “I can’t imagine…” to her at any point.

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I had a friend a necklace made. Look up metal stamping for baby loss. Tons of ideas. But she absolutely loved it

Your a good friend :heart:

Help her make a memory box.
Just check in on her. Stop by and bring lunch and spend some time together.

Don’t do anything. If she doesn’t want to talk to or see anyone leave her alone. I lost my daughter at 31 weeks. I didn’t see or speak to anyone for 3/4 months. I had to cut everyone off while I grieved my daughter. At first people would say they are sorry, ask what they could do, and it made it worse for me. I couldn’t have a conversation without crying and completely breaking down. If someone tried to memorialize my daughter it would have set me off. That’s not your place. You let her know you love her and you are there and leave it alone. Everyone doesn’t always have to try to fix things. Sometimes people just have to go through things alone. She needs time. Not pressure to talk about things. It took me 5 years to even look and my daughters clothes and gifts and the ultrasound. Please don’t push her to talk about it. You know your friend, and I’m sure your heart is in the right place. But you can’t fix this, you can’t make her feel better. You can’t make someone smile that is in so much pain. Sometimes you just have to wait for them to come around. She will come around. Pray for her. But please don’t bring it up all the time. That’s the worst thing someone could do. And don’t just randomly stop by her house.

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At this point, you don’t want to do anything baby related. Maybe make some casseroles to take over and stick in the fridge or freezer so she doesn’t have to cook. Pick her up some pop if she drinks it, bottled water, powdered drink mix… tea bags. Maybe some snack foods she can just open and eat. Chips or maybe baby carrots if she’d prefer that. Almonds always taste good. Maybe a word search puzzle book or crossword. Something to occupy her mind. If you get her puzzle books, don’t forget a supply of pens and pencils. Then, when she’s up to it, maybe sit with her awhile, take your own puzzle book in your purse so if she doesn’t want to talk, you can both just sit quietly without an awkward silence. Just be with her. If she wants to talk, just listen. Hug her when she cries. She needs to get it out. Have her nap when she can. When she goes to sleep, go ahead and quietly slip out. Call her later.

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My son died at 21 weeks 5 days, i had to deliver him and he lived for 45 minutes. I can tell you this and this is my experience and feelings: i hated people saying “I’m sorry”, i preferred “my condolences”. She is going to have good days filled sporadically with bad moments. Just listen and be a friend. Don’t try to “fix it” because you can’t, just be a friend

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Sometimes, just being there helps. She does need to see someone on how to handle this. She may think it is her fault, but it’s not. Let her come to you and don’t bring anything up.

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If you want to pm me, you can. I may not answer immediately as my Dad just died on Tuesday, but i will help guide you when i have a moment.

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Get her a basket of things she loves!

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Get her a self care hamper I didn’t speak for weeks just stared in to space didn’t want to be around anyone so don’t smother her she needs time n yeah nothing baby related she will do that when she’s ready

Just be there. Let her cry, clean her house, do her laundry. These were things a friend of mine did when I had a miscarriage. She took my son for a night so I could sleep. Those little things she did meant the world. We didn’t talk, we just sat there an watched TV while I cried. She held my hand through it all.

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Is very clear that you love and care for her , but you need to leave her alone to grieve her daughter, do not force your presence and pressure her to talk or to do stuff that she is not ready to do.Give her space and time , she will come to you when she is ready

Even just holding her hand in silence is meaningful. Been there…

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Just want to say she didn’t have a miscarriage
After 20 weeks it’s a stillbirth and honestly is so much harder to go through
She needs time and counseling

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Personally, the one thing I wanted through my miscarriages was someone too push past that “wall” and help me grieve, even if it was just sitting with me while o cried, saying nothing at all - even when I said I was ok

Everyone is different and I hope you figure something out :heart:

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she Basically had a stillbirth.
I would let her know you love her and Ur there for she wants to contact you. Then I would Leave her Alone And let her come to you

It’s gonna be hard cause everyone is different. What’s good for one person may not be for another. Some people may have wanted someone to be there and others may not at all. Same with what you say some may absolutely hate certain words while others it helps them. You know your friend and how she is and what she may want. Maybe you can just send food and maybe send her some things she likes. Let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk or you will help her with whatever. Or that if she just wants someone around and you don’t have to talk at all.

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I think the fact you’re asking this, shows you’re a good friend.
Offering to be there for her to talk if she wants to. Maybe a little pack of pamper items such as bubble bath, chocolates etc to show you’re thinking of her.
People often don’t know what to say and so say nothing which Is hard. Ask her how she is doing x

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I think the fact you’re asking this, shows you’re a good friend.
Offering to be there for her to talk if she wants to. Maybe a little pack of pamper items such as bubble bath, chocolates etc to show you’re thinking of her.
People often don’t know what to say and so say nothing which Is hard. Ask her how she is doing x

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Give her time to grief. My wife lost her baby at 7 1/2 months 12 years ago and it’s something you will never get over it. Just give her time. There is absolutely nothing you can do or say to make a mother who has lost a child feel better😔.

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You are doing it your are making it clear you are there for her and just let her know you are there how ever long it takes don’t push her. Give her time. She will appreciate you being there for her xxx

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You have such a beautiful heart. I agree with everyone in this thread. :heart::broken_heart:

Gift her an Angel that looks like her child would have. I did this for myself.

I wouldn’t get anything sentimental until you know for sure that it would make her feel better. Some people don’t want a physical reminder, some do. Just be there for her, go over in comfy clothes, no make up so she knows what you’re expecting from her as well. Let her cry, if she wants to talk about the baby talk about it with her, listen. Sit in silenceif thats what she needs. Many people get uncomfortable with talking about miscarriages/stillbirths, especially if some time has lapsed but the mother may still need to talk about it, to have the validation that her baby existed and was wanted.
Though if she expresses that she doesn’t want physical company remind her that you will show up for her however you can.
If you really want to get her something physical, make her a comfort meal and get her pampering things, a heating pad/buddy if you don’t know if she has one or not, stuff like that

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Just keep reaching out to see if she wants to go for a walk, if she wants to go for coffee, if she wants to go for a movie. If you can afford it, drop off a prepared meal or homemade bread or whatever your specialty might be. Drop off flowers. Don’t stay unless invited. Keep trying for a couple of months. She may need a friendly ear. She may need counseling. Whatever she decides to do, it will have to be in her own time.

My husband got me this for my daughter that was stillborn during my previous marriage, I love it and it is always on in our room, my mom got me a ring with wings this Mother’s Day a couple years back for Christmas my dad got me a necklace that has her name in cursive (I haven’t taken it off since I got it) he got me it because My mom bought me a urn necklace right after I got her ashes so I could always have her with me but I mentioned one time that I get scared sometimes wearing it because I don’t want to lose her somewhere and not be able to find it so my dad mentioned to my mom they should get me the one with her name, (the urn necklace I never took off until I got the name one) also this last Christmas my dad passed down a family hope chest with my son And daughter’s name wood burned into it that I also love and will one day pass down to my son. It’s little things that show me from them that she did matter to more than just me. I was the only person that knew her she was inside me (previous husband wasn’t there) I wonder every day what she would of been like and the little momentos that I have make it a little bit easier to deal with, they are happy reminders that my family cares. It’s a pain that will never go away but the thing that helped me the most was my tough gruff and stuff dad telling me “nobody can look at you and tell you, you didn’t try everything in your power at a chance at life because Amber you did fucking everything” (long back story that I dont want to say) I hold those words even closer. But I also have to tell myself everyday she’s my angel watching me now and one day I will get to be with her again. Maybe your friend could benefit from a gift like I have and/or the words I tell myself. But your friend will need time to heal, and it will never be fully healed, it took me over a year before I got off antidepressants and got back to being me, but I also didn’t get to pause my life I had a son that needed me, so I was still going but I felt for a long time I was just on autopilot doing what I had to, numb. But each day you come back to your self at your own pace. Your a great friend! My current husband was that for me.

If she has kids already I would offer to take them to the park for her so she could have some alone time. Offer to grab lunch. Send her a text tell her your there for her if she needs anything

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Ir hurt me to be around kids and babies for a hot min

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Make up a hamper and leave at her front door, milk, bread eggs vegetables, some fruits, paracetamol, the largest pads you can find, chocolates & a sympathy card. Don’t knock the door and just text her once you’ve left :heart:

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Depends. I know for me personally I didn’t even tell anyone because I wanted to suffer in silence. If she already has kids I’d just help with them because she’ll probably have really bad depression for a while. Sadly there’s nothing you can do or say that will make her feel better.

it’s gonna take time personal time so just let her be - and yes u can still ask to go out to places a go for lunch at some fast food joint or resturant but try to stay away that have a lot of young kids around . yes u can still laugh about about things that u and her have done in past but try and stay away from mentioning kids -it will take her time to come around

Just keep reaching out. Stop by her house with some of her favorite snacks.
Whatever you do , do not say stupid things like :
-These things happen for a reason
-You will have another child someday
-You’re lucky, something was wrong with the baby

  • it wasn’t a real baby yet, shouldn’t you be done grieving?
    People say the meanest things even though they do not intend to. It was awful.

Don’t ask if she needs or wants anything because she is so grief stricken she will just say no. Just act. Go to her and lay in bed with her and just let her cry. Bring her favorite foods. You don’t have to talk much but if you do want to say something, you just say something to anyone grieving a recently lost loved one. Just be there for her.

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Just give her space, but let her know that you care. Don’t give her any sentimental gifts just yet. She’s still very grief stricken.

If you reach out to her just reach out. Let her know that you are there to listen to anything she has to say. And just listen. There’s no words that can make anything better right now. Just be there for her.

You’re a good friend for being concerned about her. I wish I had had someone like you when I lost my daughter.

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Send her meals so she doesn’t have to cook. Even if you just drop dinner off on her porch. Don’t be pushy and don’t try to smother her, but a meal is appreciated so she doesn’t have to worry about that.

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Sometimes being there and not saying anything is the right thing

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Love, hugs and just being her friend.

Just be there sometimes silence is golden she knows your there
I’ve been through it she just needs time and space, with that if you around just be there,get her a drink,make her a meal set it for her without saying much. She will come around

Sometimes, like a month later… all the support just stops too… and you are still grieving :heart: just saying. It takes time and don’t stop after a week or two :heart:
It sounds like you are a good friend :slightly_smiling_face:

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Honestly give her space if she has other kids maybe ask if you can watch them for a few hours.

But other then that when I had mine I just truly wanted people to leave me alone no I wasn’t okay

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Send her Uber eats with chocolate, ice cream and some fruit. Also some flowers with a simple note “thinking of you”

Send her Uber eats with chocolate, ice cream and some fruit. Also some flowers with a simple note “thinking of you”

Good gift cards, makes meals & just drop them off, card and a care package. Just let her know your there for her when she’s ready & give her a little time. She’s processing & she’s probably not up for anything other then trying to survive at this point.

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I stayed on a couch for three months no shower nothing just curled in a ball crying it took years to cope with the loss but after a skit three months and an old family Bible I found whole I found some piece in my heart threw scriptures :pray:t2::pensive::sob: very hard times

When I went through mine I told everyone I was fine and just needed some time… what I really needed was a friend to come over and bring me food, or snacks, or offer to just sit with me and watch TV… it’s hard to ask for what you really need sometimes. I would say start off by making her a care package. Her fav snacks, a blanket, books or something she likes, Mayne stop by and drop off some food… just stuff like that

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Honestly make her supper deliver it or buy her pizza send it to her house. Bring her a coffee. Just be there.

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Just be there for whenever she’s ready to open up, she will eventually
Maybe send her some flowers or something to let her know you’re thinking of her and you’re there for her x

Yes reach out by sending her texts or leaving voicemail telling her you are here for her whenever she is ready. Get her a basket of self care items and snacks that she likes. One of my best friends went through this and she literally set up a camp in a corner of her living room and stayed there for weeks. I checked in on her everyday and got her things she needed. Candles with soft scents. Just be there as much as possible. She may not be ready to talk about it so just go at her pace.

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I would get my friend a star, name it after baby, If I could.

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Send her meals. One less thing she has to worry about for the day. Maybe a care package with some face masks, bath bombs, that type of thing. That lets her know that you’re there for her without trying to push her.

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Be there. Ask if you can come over, see if you can take her out for a walk or drive with some music, or help her clean her house and bring a meal or two. She may not want to talk about it- but it’s good for her to get out and about and a gentle nudge may be needed.

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So my best friend had a miscarriage, I got balloons a sharpie a card and some chocolates. I wrote in the card and told her how much I loved her and let her know if she needed me I was always here. Then I gave her the balloons and the sharpie and told her to write down messages that she wanted to say to her baby… we both did and then went out and released them and watched them go to heaven. Then we went in and binged on chocolate and cried. It’s been a year and she still brings it up because it meant so much to her. Just be there man. :heart:

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Oh man, i had nobody. The best thing for me wouldve been my favorite Starbucks drink or some hot tea. Heating pad, scented candle and socks some crossword puzzles to keep her mind busy. Let her know no matter what her baby matters :blue_heart: I am 1 in 3 as well. It’s a horrible thing to go thru.

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Having been there myself, I can say she needs a friend like you. Let her know you’re there whenever she wants to talk or hang out and if she needs anything at all that she can call you. Don’t give up on her, this is very difficult for someone to process.

Just let her know that you are available 24/7/365 if she needs you. As long as she has someone monitoring her mental health, make yourself available, but not intrusive. We all grieve at our own pace and in our own way.

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If it was more than half way through the pregnancy. It was a stillbirth. 20 plus weeks is stillbirth. Using incorrect terminology is a big trigger for a lot of women that have had a stillbirth. Reach out, but also don’t get upset if she’s not ready to talk yet. Let her cry, let her talk about her baby, say the baby’s name once she’s ready. Especially early it feels like your baby didn’t exist to anyone but you, like everyone will forget they existed. Maybe make food for her other kids. I lost my son at 33 weeks last January.

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You are a good friend for reaching out and asking. So many ideas mentioned above. Keep letting her know you are there As someone mentioned above, after the first few weeks it was like everyone else moves on and we were “stuck” in our grief. Keep the cards coming- just thinking of you cards. There doesn’t have to be a grand sentiment- even “Thinking of you” and your name. Gift cards for food, grocery delivery. One friend of mine sent me “Heaven is for Real” with a note that said one section made her think of me and hoped it would bring peace. Remember her on the baby’s due date and loss date. Acknowledge to yourself that she is forever changed, for both good and bad. Tell her you know you may say or do the wrong things in trying to support her. Keep being her friend.

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Silent Grief - Child Loss Support has been a help for some of my friends. There is a book by the same title and the page was originally for marketing but has become kind of a community.

Just be there. Call her, go to her house and sit with her. Let her talk if she feels like it. From personal experience, don’t ask why she’s crying if she is, and don’t say things like your baby’s in a better place or you’ll have more babies. In the days and weeks after I lost my son, people said those things to me and it just made me angry and push them away. Just keep reminding her you’re there, especially after everyone else has moved on in their life. The grief from losing a baby is, at times, unbearable and its hard when you’re still grieving and everyone else is moving forward. So, I guess, all in all, just be there. You don’t need to do anything more than that. Just show up and listen. Just show up and sit with her. Good luck to you and prayers for healing to your friend.

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You are a beautiful friend.
I’ve had many miscarriages. Everyone handles grief differently.
Honestly, sounds like maybe a heartfelt card letting her know that you are thinking about her and there for her if she needs anything.
Then, dont push. Every now and again you could just say “please remember I’m here” or “I’m holding space for you when you’re ready”.
Time helps grief.
Also, remember that most people don’t need advice or solutions. They just need someone to listen and be with them in their struggle.
Bless you and your friend.

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Just be there for her whenever she needs it that’s pretty much all you can do

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Mayb get her a necklace of angel wings I got that from someone after I had my stillborn

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If she doesn’t want to be around people, that’s ok. Everyone grieves differently, I would leave care packages or meals on her doorstep. Send a text to let her know it’s there. She’ll invite you in when she’s ready :purple_heart:. You’re a good friend for caring so much.

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Just let her know that you are there for her when she is ready to talk about it. This is something she needs to work through…things and badgering do not help.

Since she doesn’t want any company at this time, respect that! Mail her a card letting her know that you’ll be there for her whenever she decides. Offer her prayers and most of all love! :revolving_hearts:

I recommend fb groups as well! And maybe gifting her a gift from this site? They make beautiful pieces…. My Missing Peace

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I myself have suffered through multiple miscarriages. I would let her know that you are there for whatever she may need when ready, but also respect her needing space to process. No two people grieve the same way, but knowing you are loved and not in it alone is what helped me through.

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Cook and clean for her if she’ll allow. Bring cake.

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I have been through this and it’s terrible. Just be her friend. She needs to be alone to get herself together. She will never forget this. But she needs to move on. Mine was 56 yrs ago. And that was my only pregnancy. Never got pregnant after that.

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Just tell her you’ll be there when she needs someone.