How can I keep my toddler safe in public when he doesn't like to hold my hand?

Take the upper hand. Your the parent. Not him. If you put a leash on him all that is going to do is tell him he doesn’t have to mind you nor does it teach him how to be safe with you in public. Do not cater to him. Be an adult and take control of the situation.

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I agree with the harness. Best $8 spent for safety

My mother leashed me…I am almost 60 years old…I don’t remember…also…have your child tested for adhd …my son was diagnosed and was medicated when necessary…he is a prescription free…successful mechanic now…check all your options

I completely understand, some children really like their independence I had a runner also so I recommend a backpack safety harness. You can get it at Wal-Mart. My toddler loved his freedom but I still could hold on to him. Literally the best thing ever… And for all the judgy mom’s out there… My friend was the same way until her two year old ran out in front of a car. Luckily he only got a broke arm but I didn’t seem so crazy anymore.

Urs a harness or hold your hand and in the basket at the store. You are the adult he is the child. Show authority

Go eye to eye. Talk calmly. Tell him big boys hold hands. If that dont work pick him up. Don’t give in to the tantrum. Get him to a safe spot. When calm again tell him big boys hold hands. Stay strong momma. Do not fight fire with fire. You need to be persistent with safety.

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Use a wagon, stroller or backpack leash.

Reminds me of “spare the rod spoil the child”, just teach them the rules. I never spanked my little girl much either. So I understand spoiling the child. But running in the street is def. a bad thing.

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Backpack leash was a lifesaver for my son!

Get a leash. I always secretly judged parents for using them before I had my son, but he was a runner. Best money I ever spent.

I have a backpack leash for my daughter

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My son I used to use a safety harness .sometimes it works wonders

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They have toddler leashes or tell him he not allowed to go anywhere anymore

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Spanking. Harness if it will work. A spanking is less harmful then your child being hit by car.

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A harness. This is why they’re made

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Don’t listen some of these “perfect mom’s”. Toddlers do what they want, you’re not going to drag them through the store. Just get a backpack leash, there really are the best.

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Just put your toddler in a stroller. He doesn’t need to be running around in a public place. I have really bad anxiety. Especially my son because he loves to be FREE and running around… The world is too scary!!! I used to have my kids hold onto the stroller to keep them close to me if they weren’t riding in the stroller. Same with the being in the grocery store. When my kids were toddlers they wouldn’t have a choice to not be in the cart. Once they got older they again needed to hold onto the cart so they were close to me. I know it sounds dumb but it drives me crazy when my kids try to run around in the store just because you never know if someone wants to take them or not.

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Spank his ass, when safety is an issue and he is being a shit you are in the driver seat that’s ridiculous

You act like the parent and make him. There’s no negotiation.

Backpack leashes were AMAZING for our kids. Especially going to like bigger zoos and places. Gives them a few feet to run, but you keep ahold of them. Really nice for independent toddlers

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My son did this. I would lift him, smack his butt, and tell him to walk right or I would do it again.

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Hold his wrist instead. When I took care of my niece and nephew my mother taught me to hold their wrists, it’s much more difficult for them the slip away. In the process you’re training them to not try to get away from you, after a while you’ll be able to hold his hand. And if that fails, a quick pop on the butt works.

Striller, safety harness with leash or pick up and carry wailing toddler back to the car surf board style. Depending on the severity of the situation, a pop on the backside wouldn’t hurt. Remember that you are the parent and are bigger than your toddler for a reason.

I can see a lof of you have well behaved children and thats great… but im here to tell you, some kids dont listen no matter what the fk you do !!!
My girl would break you perfect parents in half hour TOPS youd be in tears :sob::rofl:

Teach him consequences- if you don’t hold my hand we are going home - and if he doesn’t - go home. I did this with throwing fits in the grocery store too - he threw a fit we went home. When he was a teenager and had friends with him - if we stopped at a store he would tell his friends to behave in the store because if they didn’t we would get nothing - it works. (He is 20 now)

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I used a harnass with my youngest. He is autistic and adhd. We didn’t always use it, but at fairs or other large crowded events. It gave him the freedom to move around (especially when I stopped to look at something) but also provided security. I knew where he was and that he was safe at all times. And he didn’t have to stand right next to me when I was browsing. I got a few dirty looks, but some surprise comments as well. Even had one elderly woman say that the harnass had been a blessing when her kids were small. I passed that harnass down to my nephew and keep one available should it be needed/wanted for my grandkids.

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I had a “leash” for my most wild child lol you might get a few dirty looks but it’s worth it to make sure they’re safe

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I used a harness…3 kids under 4…my 2 youngest in the stroller…my oldest wouldn’t hold my hand…people sneered at the harness, but it kept him safe!

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Buy a harness, my son loved it since he didn’t want to be held all the time. Someone will always find something to criticize about.

Buy him a toddler leash, it will save his life and put you at easy. Its not cruel. It would be tragic for him and you if you let him run loose and watch him get hit by a car. If you truly love your child and I know you do, buy him that toddler leash.Prevent Tragedy .

Every time I went out with my toddlers, I dressed them in overalls and attached leashes to their back straps with a good, strong Velcro ring. I’m slightly handicapped, so I can’t walk very fast and I certainly can’t run. And you all KNOW how toddlers have that broken-field running maneuver in their DNA. :flushed: I wore the loops at the other end of their leashes around my wrists to keep my hands free. It worked a treat!

When my kids were small and we would go somewhere with a lot of people they would put their hand in my back pocket. I knew immediately if they removed their hand

Get a child harness. She is right don’t listen to what people say. You’d rather be safe than sorry this day and age. It is well worth the money.

My 3rd child was that way and I bought a child harness for her safety when we were in large crowds or special circumstances ie: trip to Carlsbad Caverns. It worked fine.

The wrist leash is better to keep him close to you. I bought one on Amazon for my grandson who is Autistic and a runner. People will talk regardless cause it’s not their child.

I guess he wont be going anyplace. You’ll need a helper for a little bit. First time he tries it, helper and he goes to the car and waits. Go to another store, again, first time he does it, back to the car to wait. He’ll catch on, wont take that long.

I used a little doggie back pack harness. Tail was the leash. I put it on when he was really crawling away fast, before he could walk, and used it for 3 years. Its a life saver. It was mixed reviews but safe for us.

I used to work in a preschool with 2 1/2 - 3 year olds. Many didn’t want to hold a hand but if I flipped it to “I need help holding this pocket. Would you hold it for me?” Most of them thought it was fun. I would immediately feel if they let go and remind them of their promise to help.

Back in the early eighths I had a child that would run when I went to the mall I hooked a thin dog leash to his belt loops I got all kind of looks but at Christmas time the following year there was quite a few people who had leash’s later on found a child harness monkey on the back

My kid did this- I told him he would get hit by car and squished flat like a pancake every time we got out the car, I made him sit strapped in to a stroller or buggy and would tell him he had to because he did hold my hand… after a little while he started staying close… he also wore a harness a lot

My children didn’t have a choice I was the parent they either held my hand or walked right by my side they never wondered off from me

My daughter had a harness that had a monkey backpack and leash. The kids loved it and even grown ups would remark positively.

My son was like that-we didn’t go anywhere without the stroller unless it was fenced in and fairly safe. This phase will pass. I’m finally able to let him walk now at 3.5 years.

Agreed. I had a harness for my son. Purchased one right after we went to a parade and my son ran in the street and got caught up with the people that were in the parade. Was scary.

Our son ran off in a shopping center attached to a mall she he was almost 3. Then he hid behind vending machines in the corridor near the restrooms. I carried him over my shoulder back to the car and went home without our purchases. The next day I bought a harness that zipped up the back and a 6’ leash.
When strangers would comment that he shouldn’t be treated like a pet, my response was that we lived 10 minutes from the state line and he was too important to risk. This was about a year after Adam Walsh was taken.

Child harness/leash. A lot of people don’t agree with them but I say better safe and a little uncomfortable than dead. It does offer them a little more freedom than holding their hand so they may even like it.

A kid leash. When my oldest was a toddler I had the cutest little monkey one for him and he wore it like a backpack. He was also able to store some of his small toys in there. It made it more enjoyable for him. :blush:

put a leash on him, i don’t like doing it and kids need their freedom but they also need to be safe, and your little one needs safety first,

I used a harness on my children when we went through the airport I had one in a stroller and two on leashes hook to the stroller. they were 4 and under I didn’t wanna lose them in airport.

Nothing wrong with a harness it gives them freedom yet you safety. I did it with my oldest as she liked to walk didn’t so much With younger but all kids are different. This was when they were new and I never had any problem with people. One lady
Made a huge issue and as I had already moved my daughter closer to me i I said I don’t know you or what your want with us. She was not to happy but I got the point across

Who is the parent. Hold my hand or you stay home! I also did the harness until he learned to obey.

It’s not an option. If he throws a fit, pick him up and go back to the car. Or wait him out. Stand there until he holds your hand. He’ll learn it’s not optional an he holds your hand or you don’t go anywhere. I have a home daycare and went for a walk with an 18 month old, 21 month old, 2 year old, and 3 year old. They were told to stay right by me. We stop when I say stop and we look for cars. I don’t use strollers once they can walk. The littlest ones have to hold my hands to cross the street. The others are taught to go across quickly and stop at the edge when they get there and wait.

Get one of those harness things! Who cares what people say about them! Someone is always going to talk crap! But it gives them the illusion of being free but only in a certain proximity!

Harness or wristlet. Some people think that using them is like putting a pet on a leash. We found peace of mind when in stores because the child couldn’t run if you took your eyes off of them fo 2 seconds.

A leash… Harness… Seriously… Grow up!!! I’m still amazed that so called ‘parents’ don’t know how to control their crotch goblins!! Neither of my kids needed a leash… You listen to me or we will leave… Simple… Be an adult and teach them to listen to you…

My daughter was the same when she was small. My sister gave me a harness that was like a dual belt. One around my waist and one around hers. She got the freedom to wander but never very far. Kept her safe, while giving her “independance”.

Get a harness, nothing wrong with that, keeps him safe and gives him a little more freedom than holding your hand

The people who makes comments about a harness never had kids . Kids move fast so we have to keep them safe

We always had rains on our little ones years ago so please ignore these goody two shoes and keep your child safe get them a harness. Good luck and keep children safe.

Tear that tail up one good time, he will stop that mess. Let him u are not playing!!!

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I use to have a child harness but now they say it is child abuse so be careful. Harnesses keep child safe and I used it in Disney World many years back so I don’t see how it is child abuse but find out first.

Get a strap for your hands, if the child does not understand hold my hand or we go home, it may take a million practices but they will learn, depends on the age too. If a child learns to walk on a leash, they can learn to walk holding hands.

I used a leash on her favorite stuffed aminal back pack after i had a Incident where my two-year-old ran off in an airport. I was running like a mad person. Safety first.

I actually used handcuffs that had a bungee cord like spring in the middle. That way it gives the feel like the child is free but they can’t run away.

This is a non negotiable topic with children. I would be spanking that hiney if nothing else you’ve tried works. This is just like wearing a seatbelt, and it’s for their safety.

I agree buy a harness I use the backpack leash its cute but gets the job done my daughter is walking now so doesnt like the stroller and wont hold my hand so it keeps her safe and close to me where she belongs

I had the leash for 1 out of my five kids. Sometimes they need it sometimes you don’t. You do what you need to do to keep them safe, but that same child eventually learned. In safe places I’d let them run ahead and then say “that’s far enough” (you can pull on the leash at first to stop.) then I’d say go when I got closer. Eventually I was able to do it on sidewalks and stuff. I had complete confidence after a few years. I’d even do like run to the first pole, run to the third pole, go to the red hydrant.

Had a harness for my runner back in the 80s. Yes I got a few comments but when I pointed out that he was safe they generally shut up. It only took a couple of weeks of that and he decided he better stay close to me if he didn’t want to be leashed.

You do what you must to keep your child safe! Living in a city, that meant a harness and leash. He did not mind - his shoulder was not overstretched by hand holding, and he could pick dandelions!

He wants to control his destiny. Tiny people are like that. But they lack the knowledge of danger and consequences. Child harness might be possibly. Check with your pediatrician on recommended ones.

Put a harness on him. I wore one myself as a child because I did the same thing. That way he can have a little freedom

A harness. Need to be safe and running around in public is not safe without control. Your child! It only takes one half a second and they are gone. Your child. Be safe. You are the parent whether he likes it or not. Your child.
YOUR child.

I had a harness for my wild child back in safety. It’s for their own safety.

I bought a harness and ignored all the hairy eyeball looks. It was scarier for me when our second child arrived. It did get better with time. She still would wonder off but I started playing Marco Polo with them as they were older and allowed to be within shouting distances. They are now 25, 22 & 18 And still respond or start Marco when they are trying to find me! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Mine was the same way I used a harness, do what you need to do to keep him safe

My son is 23 now . He was a handful . He wore a harness and a leash and lived to be a productive adult with no harmful side effects .

Until he learns to hold hands I would tell him he can’t go with you. My daughter was very similar and after not being able to go to the grocery store with me she learned quick!

Unpopular opinion here—. Id swat his behind. He would either hold my hand or he would stay home. You are the boss

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About 45 years ago, I was very anti-leash. We didn’t see very many, (if any at all) kids on leashes. And when we did, the reaction was negative. At one time, I wish I did have one. My son got away from me and I thought he was kidnapped. We were at a Safari park, and I couldn’t find him for quite a while. Security also was looking for him. Fortunately, we did find him safe. But the feeling of a kidnapped or lost child is indescribable. Today, in this day of child kidnapping and child traffiking, I am now PRO-LEASH. It’s harder to kidnap a child with a leash. I’m all for it. I’d rather be ridiculed for the leash than have that feeling again.

I pray for your strength and peace
You are a good mom
Pray Psalm 91 over him for protection
Go on a water fast and ask God to reveal to you the problem
Do what the mom suggested
Forgive yourself and stop caring about what people say
He sounds like a normal active child

I did the harness thing many years ago. Yes, I got comments, but at least he was safe. Don’t worry about what other people say.

That’s what I did with my grandson. Better than some stranger kidnapping him. People need to mind their own business.

Some kids just do not want to be tied down or held down I would get a child leash people say those are horrible but keeping the child safe is worth it

Its called a spanking. Parents need stop letting kids rule. Or leave them with dad or grandparents or aunt. Cant behave cant go with you. I never had issues with mine when small. It was when they were teens but step children was problem not my own. Left many store or left with dad…

I had to use a child harness for my youngest son and for my grandson. By the time my grandson came along, there were adorable child harnesses on the market, that were little animal back packs, in which we could put a snack, which also helped to distract. You are the adult; you take charge. That’s just how it works. Get a child harness and don’t even listen to what others have to say. They do not walk in our shoes.

I got my son a leash (13 years ago people, don’t get butt hurt). He loved it and it worked! He was a runner and the youngest of 3 so I did it for his safety.

My parents had their last child at 52 & 42, my mother always used a harness with him as she would have never been able to keep up with him. He turned out fine, is super successful.

I agree. The harness gives them freedom to swing their arms! Made my child very happy

I had a harness for youngest, he was a runner! Best thing I did!

Have him do some play ex drives before you leave to go somewhere, get some of that extra energy out. Also they have harnesses for children, don’t be ashamed to use it if it keeps your kid safe.

Our kids harness was a back pack. They always wanted to put it on and make sure one of had the leash so WE didn’t get lost.

Then leave him with someone when you go, and if you can’t then just stay home…when they start to understand that that kind of behavior is not tolerated, they will stop…oh and when they throw a fit, just walk away and tell them you don’t know who they are

Safety is priority number one. He is either held or strapped in a stroller. Freedom is earned by listening and following the rules.

My parents told me if I didnt listen to them we would go back home. If I acted up then we went home and I was grounded the rest of the day. Message got thru quick

U could try some behavioral therapy type training. Try practicing at home in your backyard or someplace safe where if he runs off he can’t get too for or hurt. Tell him it’s time to hold your hand with few words a firm direct voice. Like “hold mommy’s hand”. Have some type of reinforcement that he really, really likes and wants in your other hand and ready to give immediately when he does it. It could be a piece of cookie, mini marshmallow, m&ms. Do not give the reinforcement until he does it. And don’t expect him to continue holding your hand right away, just if he does it give him the reinforcement. Do this multiple times a day for a few days until u feel he is complying each and every time. Then, give him the command and don’t give the reinforcement for 5 seconds. If he stays for 5 seconds give him the reinforcement. If not he doesn’t get it. Follow this pattern until he gets the idea that he has to hold your hand. Eventually u can completely take the reinforcement out, once he is following your directions each and every time you give them. Also, this could take weeks to do, so be patient, u will probably get a lot of tantrums, but it works as long as u are calm and consistent. Good luck!

Try a little proper discipline applied to the bottom end. It works wonders.

Teach him now or you’ll be sorry mom. My son ran one time from me and the next time I told him if you run we are leaving, of course he tested me and he ran and we left!!! he was crying but he never ran again!

I had a child harness for mine, noone was able to grab her from me. It kept her from getting away and running into danger. She’s 27 now…no harmful psycological issues. Best way to go

YOU refuse to move until and unless he complies. Period.
You will find it helpful to do this in a place he wants to visit. Tell him he holds your hand or it’s back to the car.
Don’t cave.
You are in a power struggle.
Stay patient and kind.
Explain calmly each time.
“Hold mommy’s hand or we can’t go in”.
Best wishes :heart:

When we have our large family reunion at a lake in Maine, we laugh at the sight of the little ones on leashes and the family dogs running loose. We had to manage the kiddos around the water somehow.