How do I leave an abusive relationship when he owns everything. We aren’t married, but we do have an almost two-year-old together. He made me sell my car from my graduation present (he said it was junk), a car that was in my name…so he could ‘buy us’ a family car (that’s only in his name) when I got pregnant. He made me lose my phone plan because on his line, a 4th one was free (that I understand). But literally, I own nothing but my kid now. We’ve been together for four years now, and it’s only progressively gotten worse. I finally talked him into letting me get a job two nights a week babysitting older people. He usually never lets me out of the house, so like I’ve lost the two friends I do have here. I’m not from here. All my family lives 28hours away; the only person I have here is my dad, who isn’t speaking to me right now. But like, what’s the next step? He tracks me on my phone and car, so I cant secretly do anything. I’m just at a crossroads and need some solid advice. No judgments, please.
When you’re at work, call your family and set a plan. Tell them to come get you WITH THE POLICE by their side, pack you and your kid and leave. When you get 28 hours away immediately file for full custody. Then go file for food stamps, emergency cash assistance, etc… In Oregon you can get a domestic violence grant to help get you into an apartment, pay bills for a couple months, and I’m sure other states have that as well.
Contact family ask for a bus ticket or something and take your child and leave. Leave your phone and everything behind
you start from scratch with nothing, and move on. Get child support, go home. 28 hours isn’t a long trip, they probably would help you get back there. Get yourself a burner phone—a domestic shelter might help you establish that, even if it’s a flip phone. He can’t track you if you jump on the next bus out with your flip phone. No service needed, buy minutes as you go. abandon your car that he owns a comfortable walking distance from the shelter……
Seek help & fast or literally up & leave turn your phone off
My best advice to you is to get ahold of a domestic abuse counselor and see what your options are. A lot of times there are people who will take in women and children who don’t have anything to help you get on your feet.
What state are you in? I was in Oregon and they have a $1200 Domestic Violence-TANF grant.
They were able to pay for quite a bit of the moving costs for myself and my 14 month old.
Get ahold of a woman’s shelter
Leave your phone and your belongings grab your baby with a few supplies and get out of there. If he’s physically abused you then go to the police and explain everything. See what help you can get through the council etc.
Seek a local battered women’s shelter. If you don’t know of one contact a police officer even if you literally have to flag I e down. If he is abusing you wait until he leaves or goes to sleep dial 911
I literally left with nothing and started o er. It was super hard at first but over time it worked itself out
Call a woman’s shelter and the police. They will take you and your baby out if there and hook you up with travelers aid to het you home. Best of luck. Run !!!
Talk to a lawyer about custody and then look into shelters and welfare help to GET AWAY!!! Make amends with your dad (if possible) and ask for any help he can offer! There’s so many places that offer help when it comes to DV. I suggest that after you get your ducks in a row you go to your local court house and ask for a restraining order!
There are battered women shelters all over the place. There is a 1 800 hotline for women in your position.
They will put you up somewhere and you will have to get in contact with the police and local social services (espicially if there is a kid involved) to help you on the right track.
Take what you can and get out of there
Yuuuuup you ditch that guy asap any way that you can
I think this starts with, “Dad I need help I’m stuck and scared dont know what to do.” If he cares about you I think he will do what he can to get you out
There are typically services in each county that they could actually get you a bus ticket home as well!
No matter what’s going on with u and ur father… I would guaranteed or would at least hope that if u would text him along the lines “dad I’m in trouble/in need of seriosu help… I need to get out of my situation its getting worse” that he would drop everything going on feeling wise and help his little girl. My mom is both of my parents and I know for fact thats she would do… I hope he would do that for not only u but his grandbaby… And leave ur phone there… Get a small smart phone (25$ at Wal-Mart one time pay… and 25/30$ to activate it and monthly.)and work on rest when ur able to
It’s never easy but leave and start a new life for u and your child. Make him pay child support and learn from past mistakes.
Sounds like an intro to dateline 20/20.
Once there is any way to get a restraining order on him I’d do it. He’s not stable in the least if he’s that controlling. Maybe reach out to your relatives that live 28 hours away and see if you can stay with them initially.
Reach out to family for help and a place to live. Leave him. He’s controlling you. You can get thru this.
Get the fuck out of there
you need help. use your time at work to make some phone calls to police, legal services and family violence services. find out what help you can access, what you can and can’t do and make a plan from there.
Wow. I remember this feeling all to well, sadly. After my ex threw a fit, threatening me, he took my car and left. I took that time to pack my stroller, daughter, puppy, camera and computer and a diaper bag and ran to the police station (I lived in a small town then) and they called my parents and everything went from there.
Girl get a job save up some money and get out while you can. It’s gonna be a long road. I’ve been there before. It’s really hard but you have to do what you can is best for you. I was in a very abusive relationship long ago. It helps if you have family around. But you can do this. You just have to be strong and realize what is best for you and your kid. There is plenty of people I’m sure willing to help you.
If your family live 28 hours away then you pack what you can and you move 28 hours away
Reach out for woman shelters, there a social worker will help you to get on your feet again alone with your kid. You can do it! I could do it without my family and anyone’s help! Have faith , god is amazing !
I would have a sit down with your dad and tellhim youneed a place to stay soyou donot get hurt any more
Get some help through a domestic violence counselor … financial control and isolation usually go hand in hand with DV… even if not you need help you are in a position you will need assistance getting out of.
Meet with an advocate in your area and they can create a plan for you and help you get away. I am an advocate in MN.
Battered woman shelter for you and the child
Ask family that’s not close by if you can come and stay. Go to a shelter. Reach out to your dad. Also document everything. If he wont let you leave the home and is spying on you, call the police
You need to leave it’s going to get worse your dad is your dad I would reach out to him. File court papers you can also go to a shelter they will help u
Sounds like a narsissist
You should have walked away a long time ago…
It would be easier for you to get away since nothing is in your name. Get into a shelter then call your family from there.
You got two choices: either stop letting him control you and stand you for yourself so you can secretly start getting on your feet…or, be honest with someone back home about your situation and have someone send you some cash…enough for and Uber to the bus station and bus tickets home.
Although you dont speak to your dad I bet if you reached out to him and let him know you need him he will be there in a heart beat. If not, there are always shelters for you and your baby that will help you get your life back together. Dont wait. Get on it now. The sooner you leave the sooner you can start building again and being happy.
Honestly from experience, can only say get out as soon as you can, shelter would be the first place to go. Never mind cellphone, clothes, or anything at all. Just get out while you can before it gets even worse worse
Claim common law marriage. You’ve been with him long enough! File for custody, and child support!
Ashley Noelle who does this sound like? Who we were JUST talking about. This never ends well.
In Pennsylvania we have 2-1-1 - it’s a referral based line linking those in need, to local social service agencies.
I recommend seeking out a domestic violence agency.
Having worked as a crime victim advocate for several years, I know first hand that there is tons of help available to you, free of charge and confidential.
The agency I worked for even provided free emergency cell phones that only dial 911.
The only advice I have is you dont own your kid
Hes making you depend on him so you cant leave. Take your kid and seriously LEAVE.
You run. Fast and far. Next payday you and bub get on a bus and go to your family.
Call your Dad. He will help you in this situation!
Run as fast as you can, the abuse and controlling behavior will get worse. Do the best for you and your child, get out before your brought out in an ambulance. Not a good role model for your child. Your child will grow up thinking that behavior is normal and possibly abuse or be abused.
I’m so so sorry… it will be hard and scary. Start saving money and take to a social worker. Do you have WIC? They have connections to other organizations that can help you yoo.
Find a women’s shelter and leave. Things are just things, but your life is YOURS.
Your child may be too young to comprehend the abuses but eventually they’ll learn that it’s normal… their normal. Or worse, their mother isn’t around any longer.
It will be tough, but there will be a day that you’ll say it was all worth it.
Leave and block him with phone thing take your kid and never go back
Do what I did. Got my important documents my kids their clothes Nd left.
Call social services in your county and ask them what you should do
Try and find a womens shelter in your area they will take you and your child there are usualy ones for women learning abusive relationships so they have more security and what not.
That is the one thing they like to do is move you away and isolate you from every one who loves you. Call the local women shelter they will sneak you and your child away. Leave the phone behind.
Pack what you need and call police when he’s at work they can take you to a woman’s shelter
I can only speak from experience, but, your best bet would be to go to a police station when you and your child get out together. The police will help you get to a safe place. There are programs in place to help you get home to your family. I’ll be praying for you.
First of all nobody can make you sell anything that is in your name. If you don’t have a custody order goto court and get an emergency order, find a shelter and get on tanf/ insurance/ foodstamps. Get a job or get some skills. It’s rough but you can do it.
I’d leave your phone behind & go to a family member with your kid if you werrr me. Screw staying with someone who won’t let me go out lol I’m aloud to do whatever the hell I like.
Get out while you still can.
I left a 5 year relationship with our 3 year old with absolutely nothing. All my family is 20 hours away & all I have is my dad as well. I fixed my relationship with my dad grabbed my daughter & we left. I never looked back. I got myself 2 jobs & I work everyday to never be back in that position. It’s hard as hell, but that reward is so sweet. We are women, MOTHERS & nothing is an obstacle when our children are watching. If there’s a will, there’s a way! Head up & do it!
I would get in contact with a local domestic violence shelter, they help immensely. Make a fresh start, you dont want all the reminders of him anyway.
Just take your baby what’s yours and leave when he’s asleep
I’ve lived it more than happy to discuss this privately on messenger .
I think it’s better to get out than worry about stuff. Pack a bag and go to the women’s shelter with your baby asap. From there reach out to your family and see if they’ll help. Please leave before it’s too late.
I did this 4 years ago it was very hard to do there is always a shelter advocate talk to your family try to talk to friends but only in person not over the phone park somewhere else so he can’t track you
Turn off location on your phone have your phone protected change your number and so on…documents everything possible text messages voice mails anything you can use… call the police if he’s stalking you… if you need it feel free to send me a message I’m more than happy to help
Time to start talking to your dad and planning an exit
Bet your dad would love to see u leave that guy…
Get a burner cell from a gas station. Hide it. Start saving money secretly. Tell your father btw. Then take all important documents and your child and get the hell out of there. Smash that phone he gave you and use the burner cell. I pray you get help and get away from this man. I’m so sorry.
STOP JUDGING!!! I am so sick of all the judgemental comments. It is so fucking hard to leave an abusive relationship…have you been there? No? Then shut the hell up…its 50x harder when you have no support network and have dependents…stop being assholes, please!
To the OP, please messagenif you want to talk.
What does it matter if he owns everything just get the hell away from him…
Leave him sweetie you can do bad by yourself he is controlling you,that’s when you need to start walking
Please understand, you allowed this to happen. Time to get professional counseling to understand that what I just said is due to a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem.
Rebuild your life for you and your daughter. As you grow internally other positive things will change in a positive direction. Surround yourself with positive strong women and before long you will look back with pride that you took the step to change your life. Good luck and God’s speed.
Look up unappropriate moms its a fb group. They are very helpful and have helped women leave
Get in contact with your dad to help you. Abusive men crumble when you have someone in your corner. Let him.know what’s going on. I cant imagine a dad would allow their daughter to be abused.
I don’t see any men chiming in so I’m going to step in. Shelly Whitley child support right wit your bum ass why is that always that always a broke bitch answer to everything dumbass. Not to mention that’s an 18 year road map for him right back into her and the child’s life. Sorry ladies the 25$ a month isn’t worth it my best friend is an abused women who won’t leave so it sparks a fire in my… Ok back to civil conversation you have to leave sometimes the cops and social service system are also a road map to him right into your life like I said my best friend lives it. You have to be observant of your surroundings make a plan and go when you get a chance he could be in the shower. Or at the store and you might get the baby bag and an extra panty but make that clean break and you can be around the block and he will never know.
Run… ive done it, my moms done it. Pack essentials and find help when you can safely do so. Abusers dont change, it only gets worse.
go to a battered womans shelter
Step one, see if you can stay w your dad (under these extreme circumstances) and the rest, I assure you, God will work out.
I would get in contact with those family members you have even if they’re 20 hours away and make a plan to leave go to the home like you were going to work leave the phone there and go or leave when he’s at work and you’re home with the baby and leave the phone at the house he cannot legally stop you from taking your child with you I would contact a lawyer just so you know the laws of your state and so you can understand his rights to the child as you said you’re not married and in Tennessee he would have to go to court for right even if you guys live in the same house so it varies by state and I would be very cautious to proceed before you know what those laws are
You pack yourself and your child a bag and you leave. You go see your father even if use aren’t talking. Is he going to shoo you away or something? Or go somewhere that you can use a phone that isn’t yours call some of your family and see if you can go and stay with them.
Just leave. Your child is more important. You are more important.
You need to get out and get your own. The fact that he tracks your every move is a huge problem, try to get back on you fathers graces because he is the only one near you. It’s important that someone in your family knows what’s going on and devise a plan and I get out.
Your child should not be raised in a situation as such PRAYERS UP
Ok so here is some tough life love from someone who is older than you. He doesn’t “make” you do anything. You have free will. Leave. Don’t allow for tracking on your phone, call your family and ask for help if needed. Walk away. You deserve better. You aren’t being loved, you aren’t legally bound to him, LEAVE and ask for child support from the court. Good luck! It will be hard as hell but you can do this!
Material things can be replaced.
Just leave and build a new life without the abuse.
Contact your local domestic violence agency/shelter. Even if you don’t use the shelter, they have advocates trained in this to help you create a safety plan and connect you with free housing and legal resources for DV victims.
Leaving is the most dangerous time. DV victims are statistically most likely to be killed by their partner within the 2 weeks of them leaving the relationship. Someone who is obsessed with control and who has had you in his control for a long time isn’t going to just let you go. Abuse escalates during this time. Do this safely. Please contact someone for help and a safety plan first. At the very least call anonymously to your local DV shelter and speak with an advocate about your options. This website will give you all the info:
If you can leave him message me. I can’t give you much but I can help a little with money. And find a women’s shelter. You and your child will be safe there.
Seriously this book has everything you need!
He doesn’t own your life!
Get on a train with your baby and go home. Leave your car in the train station parking lot. Leave your phone in the car.
Leave the state chances are he won’t come after you especially if he can’t find you and the money it would cost him he probably ain’t got good luck you can start over have faith in God stay safe and don’t let him know anything or you will be stuck in that same city he will file anything to make you stay so STAY QUIET
Switch h anything you can into your name. Make a separate bank account. Get all paperwork that has your kids info on it. And go home to your parents or leave the state.
Go to a womens shelter. If he hurts you go to battered shelter he wont be able to go there and they will help with resources
It is always better to start over even if u don’t have any thing then it is to stay in a controlling or a abusive mate because believe me it only gets worse Total control is coming next so get out while u can
You can get the material things later. Contact any family or friends you have and take your baby and leave. Go file for assistance and go file for full custody of your child. You can survive
Laura Kelly sounds familiar
Tell him they went you to come into work an extra day go in and leave your phone in the office and take a bus to near by police station to get info womans shelters. Call your dad. He might not be talking to you now but if you let him know what’s happening and ask him to her he probably will. After talking to your dad or finding a shelter you need to go home, pack yours and the babies stuff and go. File for full custody of the baby and child support. Start looking for full time jobs and apply for child care assistance and maybe help for housing.
get money get plane tickets and go home to family
Contact your family that lives 28 hours away and see if they will take you in. While he’s at work gather up as many belongings as you can and just leave.
He enabled you by making you sell your car & putting the vehicle in his name. He could have put you both on the title but in the end that would have been to hard when things get complicating so now the car is his possession. But honestly he allows you to drive the car so if he hands you the keys then its like he lended the car to you. So… I’m unsure what your legally allowed to do here. I would prob take my belongs somewhere such as a storage little by little & keep your necessities close & cone back for your belongings later
I lived a life similar to this for 13 years, 10 of those married. We had two little girls. When they were 8 and 2, I could see the damage he was doing to my 8 year old.
I packed them up on Christmas day in 1990, packed my car as much as I could, and drove out of that driveway with only $10.00 in my purse. I drove two hours back to my home town and never looked back. He continued to put me through hell until my baby graduated high school.
My advise is get out now. If not for you, do it for your child. My girls are now 38 and 32 and the damage he caused still haunts them today… The younger one has nothing to do with him and will not allow him to see her children…
I know it may be hard, but you can do it.
As soon as you get away, see a lawyer and if you have to, get a restraining order
Good luck and I’ll keep you in my prayers