I’ve been dating my boyfriend for more than a year now. He’s the sweetest man ever and very responsible in every way, but he has a mental health problem, which, when it starts, becomes a whole lot of issues for us to battle with. He becomes angry with the slightest things and tells me hurtful words. I know such type of people needs to be more loved. I’m doing my best, but I need suggestions on how to handle him in a more proper way because he really gets on my nerves when he tells me hurtful words. Thank you
99 Likes
Unfortunately, it is an issue that can last a lifetime. You have to be committed and have so much love, patience, understanding and time. It can get better for some with a lot of work if you’re lucky. I’m the mother of such person and I can’t and won’t walk away. If you stay, be prepared for a roller coaster ride, as well as a future full of uncertainty.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I love my boyfriend through his mental health issues? - #2 by Annette_Tucker - Mamas Uncut
Do you want him treating your children like that? Figure that out now, not later, and go from there.
Well he should see a psychiatrist and get on medication in order to control his mood. You as the S/O should do research and learn about his mental issues and how to properly handle them. It’s common sense.
10 Likes
I dated a man with schizophrenia for 4 years. It does not get any easier. good luck hun
You can help him get treatment. You can’t love him better. He wont get well if you just work harder.
2 Likes
He needs to seek professional help if he’s not already doing so because he obviously needs someone to talk who could treat him for his mental illness.
I am 12 yrs into this situation. I question every day with this man… I don’t think I can do it anymore. I have lost the best of me trying to understand him. Yes I love him, but not enough for both of us.
As someone who experienced this LEAVE…RUN AND RUN FAST! It’s been a year and already he’s treating like you! There is NO excuse💯 Don’t waste your life tryna fix someone and tryna make them treat you the way you should be treated! Stop wasting your life!
You can’t fix it. He is very angry = fear. I mental health issues.
I don’t say hurtful things to anyone. I just hold it in.
Therapy helps a lot and one learns how to deal with their problems.
I am also on medication to help with depression.
Those two things make a huge difference on my mental health and how I deal with with it now.
4 Likes
You can “help” him get treatment like other suggested but it will only work if he wants the help. I spent 21 years trying to help someone get help and he refused. He always got angry over the smallest of things. And he blamed everyone else for literally every problem he had. I loved him to death but that shit drove me insane. He died by suicide. All I can really say is good luck. Hopefully he will want the help.
Well first are willing to stick it out forever ? Mental health issues will always be a factor regardless of meds and therapy. There will always be bumps in the road. If your own mental health can’t take it you need to decide if this is the best relationship for you.
If you willing to take it own then you need to start therapy yourself because your gonna deal with a lot. Get him treatment don’t force it though because those who want the help will get it those who don’t well will waste your time…
My husband of 13 yrs is the same way. Unless they get help it gets worse
5 Likes
Is mental disorder an excuse for abuse? No……What if they had childhood trauma? No…… What if they had a big loss or a bad day? No….What if—-?..…No. Do not allow him to use his mental disorder to abuse you. He needs to get help or he will continue to abuse you until you end up needing help yourself which l am sure you need the help now ….
I know exactly what you mean by all this because I went through something similar with someone years ago. All I can say is that he won’t change or get help unless HE WANTS too change his inability to cope with his mental health, trust me it gets really annoying and tiring dealing with a men like that. It almost feels like you’re taking care of a child, at least it did to me. I ended up breaking things up, no more of that !!
I know the situation all too well. What worked for me was to leave, I started my life and I’m doing great! My guy, was disgusted with himself and has sought treatment.
We will see where the road takes is.
No matter what, I will move forward and live without the eggshells! It was exhausting to keep up with his moods!
We are both equally important, his mental health is NOT more important than your peace.
Dont love someone with mental issues so much, that you think it’s going to heal them, when all it’s going to do is drain you from yourself, and they’ll take that as a sign of weakness and take advantage of your emotions. They need to do something about it themselves, that shit ain’t healthy, dont be soft on him just cause you love em, put your damn feet down, and let him know that if he doesnt get that issue under control, you’re not sticking around, no excuses!!! We ain’t playing games, girl!!
10 Likes
Well first you need to sit down with him.
And ask him if he wants help.
Then ask him if he said yes will you be willing to see a doctor .
If he said no to seeing a doctor.
Then there really isn’t much more you can do.
But let him know you can’t handle his hurtful things he said’s and that things need to change or you will have to leave him.
Or you can call your local law enforcement when he gets that way and have the law do something if they will.
Because sometimes people like that can hurt you in more ways then just words.
You should run and never look back unless you want the life sucked out of you … Just my thoughts 🤷
Depending on what mental health issues he has you may never be able to fix it. You cant love someone more or do more to fix the problem. Calling you names and saying hurtful things is not okay in way mental health issues or not. Its still verbal abuse. Go talk to canadian mental health and explain to them what is happening and they can guide you. If he is a narcissist there is no help leave. He will never change
1 Like
Mental health is brutal, learn to take the hits if you truly want to stay with him if you can not live with it leave now
2 Likes
He sounds like another child aboard…
From someone with mental illness that sounds just like what I went through except I’m the one with the issue. Lots of patience, understanding, and communication is key. I picked up two books that spoke to me beyond belief- loving someone with bipolar disorder. And loving someone with personality disorder. Really put how I was hurting my partner into perspective. I instantly called my doctor and had the biggest melt down and now I can happily say we have found the right medication that stabilizes me and my moods but also allows me to understand when I feel the uncontrollable feeling coming on. My boyfriend can see it taking
Over and he will tell me- it’s time to take a break or a “time out” because this is what I see.
Loving someone with mental illness is hard but it is also rewarding when it is managed correctly.
In my opinion I will run before he gets physical
Well he needs to be told how you’re feeling number one. Communication is key and he needs to get help to learn how to manage his mental health for himself and his future. They’re many things he can do to get better. Go talk with a counselor and he needs the same as well as a psychiatrist to discuss all options. Exercise is a wonderful tool to get out negative energy and is very helpful with depression. You also need to learn how to be more assertive and how mental health issues can affect your relationship.
My son has mental issues too. They do say mean and hurtful things. The dr told me they can’t help it they’re going through a hard time in their mind all the time. Their mind tells them things all the time about people. Their mind functions different than ours. It sounds like an excuse but it’s not. Mental people feel all sorts of different emotions at one time it’s over welming (I think I spelled wrong). You just need to be patient it upsets me when my son does it too. You need to phrase or rephrase what you say to him better. When he feels upset talk to him calmly try not to get upset that makes it worse for him. Counseling and a psychiatrist doesn’t always help everyone is different. I know it’s hard but just be nice and don’t make a big deal about things. Talk to him calmly about the things that upset you when he calms down. But please don’t baby him he will go crazy about that too my son does. I hope this helps. My son has had mental issues since 16 he’s 25 now. It is hard to deal with this kind of thing. Sorry just stay calm that’s the key it’s hard but works don’t yell at him.
Is he on any meds depression makes it worse too
Feel free to message me I have gone through this same exact thing with my husband for the past 8 years… we finally got him some help and it has changed our lives… I’d be happy to talk with you about it but I know it’s kind of a personal subject so feel free to PM me.
After being married 22 years to a man with mental health issues all I can tell you is that NO amount of love is ever enough to fix any of the issues… Mental health is brutal & its hard, if you can learn to ride the roller coaster it’ll be easier but it can be exhausting for all involved, children included. Sometimes the words they use are beyond painful. Show him unconditional love without losing sight of who you are otherwise you’ll go on thinking your not enough. Just my honest opinion.
8 Likes
Therapy…dr…medication
It will be hard if he doesn’t accept help himself, you can not force a man to get help if he doesn’t want it.
1 Like
Is he on medication if yeah make sure he takes it if not make sure he gets some
Do not except hurtful words it’s boarder line abuse
2 Likes
Not sure if he’s a narcissist. But they are angry and hurtful. They do things to make you feel like shit. And they don’t care. They act like they do but really they don’t. And it will get much worst. Look at the red flags. If he’s a narcissist RUN!!!
Sounds very much like manic depression. And sometimes it is very hard to handle.
Mental health issues isnt an excuse for abuse
I said what i said 🤷
11 Likes
If you know he only says bad things to you when he has a flare up don’t let it bother you it’s just like dealing with someone who has dementia or Alzheimer’s. You just love them even more
He needs to see a therapist but depending on what mental health illness he has he might need medication as well. But it would help to maybe do a few couples sessions with a therapist, they would be able to give dbt techniques to help him.
That’s a form of abuse it only gets worse. My husband does that and is one of the most evil people you want to come across. He is like your man but worse probably eight years is to long and it hasn’t changed. So guess what is happening now DIVORCE RUN.
You have to decided now are u in it for the long haul it’s very exhausting and can even take a toll
On you. It’s never gonna go away and can come out of nowhere. So ask yourself how much you can take and if you decide to stay stick it out if u don’t think u can then leave now because it won’t get better
He needs help get him to the doctors asap.i know what it’s like I had mental health issues. Got help a lot better now.i would be in a right state with covid if I wasn’t on medication.
Be supportive and get him to a mental health support ppl and be understanding
1 Like
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I love my boyfriend through his mental health issues? - #2 by Annette_Tucker - Mamas Uncut
Can’t help others if they won’t help themselves
13 Likes
Honey you are not a rehabilitation facility for a broken man. He should never be disrespecting you or saying things that he KNOWS is hurtful to you. If he has mental health problems he needs to see a therapist, it is not your job to fix him or to “love him through his problems”. I know you mean well, you seem like such a sweet, caring person, but his behavior is toxic, and if not corrected will only get worse over time.
35 Likes
You don’t have to endure verbal abuse because he has mental health problems. He is still responsible for his actions and words.
14 Likes
Get away from him as fast as you can
6 Likes
He should seek professional help if he isn’t already. But he does need to realize to not use you as a punching bag when he’s having mood swings and anger.
3 Likes
RUN. Until he seems help, AND corrects his behavior, he is not capable of having a relationship. PERIOD.
7 Likes
From the pov of the person on the other end it can help a lot to have your bf/ gf just be there being supportive and understanding. Not being judgmental. Most people in throws of a mental health crisis need support beyond just a counselor/ facility. Taking the small step every day to give a small word of encouragement can make a huge difference. I don’t understand how or why people are so quick to judge someone with mental health problems. Usually it is the judgment of others that makes it harder to bring yourself back through to your “normal” And just saying most people in the throws of a mental health problem will say things do things that are yes hurtful but they may not even realize they are doing it and or they will do it as a way to protect themselves by forcing the other person feel like they need to distance themselves when in reality all they want is help.
3 Likes
You can love him and give him all the support that you want, but is his responsibility to deal with his mental issues, if he doesn’t work in his health is gonna end up damage yours.
3 Likes
Mental health is as serious as abuse. If he is verbally abusive and blames his mental health? Thats what i am understanding with this post. From experience
It’s not healthy. Get away before the trauma bond gets to tight
4 Likes
Have you joined any mental health groups? You can pm me if you would like and can give you some suggestions 
Mental health is not an excuse to be abusive.
6 Likes
That sounds like someone who uses their mental health to justify shitty behaviors. Dump him today 
10 Likes
Is he medicated? Is he following his treatment plan? If no then you need to know you can do nothing to help him. He has to help himself get meds follow a treatment plan. It takes about two months for meds to start show improvement or he could make it worse you never know. Also if he keeps blaming his illness for his bad behavior then its always going to be his go to excuse which is unacceptable because there is no reason he can not fix it. I myself am mentally ill,but I m also medically stable it took almost 15 years to get the right combo of meds. I see it as a lame ass excuse to not properly take care of his illness
3 Likes
He needs to get proper help. Mental issues or not he could be using it as an excuse to be abusive.
3 Likes
Are these episodes do to his not taking his meds? Or are there certain times/things that trigger it? Loving/living with someone with mental health issues is hard. If he doesnt see a therapist on a regular basis he needs one. Also you may benefit from talking to someone. Any type of verbal abuse is not ok. But you need to be able to say enough is enough. Everyone deserves to be loved but you need to love yourself and know when it’s time for a break. I hope that he is willing to get the help he needs.
1 Like
I tried to help my exhusband for years and he refused to help himself. You will literally drain yourself trying to help someone that won’t help themselves.
Simple answer is you can’t. Went through it all. He would tell the psychiatrist a different version to what I told them. In the end it turned out although he had mental health issues he also had a personality disorder which he was in control of. He knew how and when to blame mental health. After 4 years the verbal started to become physical and he still wouldn’t accept that he needed help. I got out and it was hard walking away from the man I loved but I kept reminding myself the man I fell for was an act and he was long gone never to return.
5 Likes
I used to think that as well - they just need more love. It’s not correct, it doesn’t help, and nothing changes. You’re being abused and there is no way to act that will change this situation
2 Likes
Your too accepting of one’s flaws to see that your choosing him over yourself. Do you actually think that’s okay and a valid reason to mistreat you? No. The longer you stay the harder it may be to leave and the worse it could get for you. Just don’t forget who’s important and who can walk away and love themselves.
If you endure this abuse your going to have mental health issues to cope with yourself.
Your first question should be to a qualified person
“Is this genetic ? “ and “ If we have children are they going to be the same?”
If the answer is yes to those questions could you handle 2or three like this.
If he is on medication and in counseling and still acting out, you may need to tell him to talk to his Dr. If he refuses help, leave. This is coming from a medicated person.
I went thru the same issues with my now Fiancé…I unfortunately gave him a choice…Either he got help or I was leaving!! He got the help…But some are diff than others…Either he seeks help or you need to leave!! Dont ever let a man disrespect you!!
Coming from someone that dated someone with Mental Health Issues for almost a year. RUN, run as fast as you can. If he knows he has issues and chooses not to seek help. You can’t help him. He needs to choose to help himself. If you two are meant to be together…destiny will eventually bring you guys together. So just save yourself a heartbreak and just leave him 
1 Like
I hate labeling but he sounds like a narcissist. Meaning he does no wrong and you are the blame for feeling a certain way. There’s nothing you can do or say unfortunately. He has to be the one that wants to seek help for his mental abuse. The best thing you can do is let him be.
4 Likes
Mental abuse quickly turns into physical. Leave now.
2 Likes
Did he have theses issues when you met
My advice, when he starts getting mad and verbally abusive, leave the general vicinity. Just bc he’s mentally ill that doesn’t mean you have to sit there and listen to the verbal abuse. Leave. If you just let it slide and there aren’t any consequences, he has no motivation to even attempt to control himself. What you allow is what will continue. You don’t have to cause a big scene or anything. Go for a drive, visit a friend, etc. Maybe tell him when he’s not being that way that you just can’t deal with him when he’s acting like that so you’re going to remove yourself from the situation. His mental illness doesn’t obligate you to putting up with verbal abuse. You need to have healthy boundaries.
1 Like
I’m in the same boat!!
1 Like
Not your responsibility to take his abuse. If he isn’t fully committed to getting a handle on his mental health then you need to walk away and give him the space he needs to do that.
4 Likes
I think the first and only way is for him to seek help. Mental health issues do not give him an excuse to be rude and abusive.
7 Likes
I am in the same boat. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years BUT now that we understand his past trauma more we deal with it differently. If it helps to leave the situation to give him space and give him time to process how he reacted to you and you are able to go back to him and he’s apologetic that means he recognizes that he said hurtful things to you. On the other hand if nothing changes when you get home, and he is still being hurtful to you he doesn’t see anything wrong with his actions. You can PM me to talk more about this privately but I understand exactly what you are going through.
Get him into professional counseling
It is a blessing that you are not yet married. If he is putting you in a lot of stress and you are being abuse, it is not selfish to decide that you have enough and move on. I have been in the same situation yrs ago. I had to cancel our wedding weeks before it was set and to break completely from my ex fiance. i just know it will never workout with him if we are still not married and i am already crying buckets everyday because of him. His family took him to a mental facility and never heard from him until ten yrs after, he showed up in my front door expecting me not to be married and waiting for him to return. After that i receive a msg from his sister that he was planning on kidnapping me and God knows whatelse and should be careful until he is found and returned to the facility. That was 10 yrs ago and just last yr i decided to snoop on his page out of a whim, i just found out he killed himself on valentines day 2 years ago.
I was married to that. For me it was mentally exhausting, I couldn’t fix him or help. After 20 yrs I left. He took his issues into another marriage, they are divorced, then into other relationships. You can only take so much, you have to know your breaking point
4 Likes
Can he get counseling or on medication I got people in family with depression ,anxiety, mood swings anger , n been trying to help few get dr appointment n counseling medication?? Wish you well with things !!
1 Like
Contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) they can help you with info re: what’s out there and have support groups for family members of those with mental illness. Google will give you the contact info. This is an organization run by those family members.
2 Likes
There is a difference in mental issues and abuse, if it is true mental issue is he under a drs. care and on his meds, depression and mental illness is a real life issue and needs to be address as so. Blessings.
4 Likes
You need to tell him To seek professional help, and encourage him to do so. It is not your responsibility to fix his issues
6 Likes
Tell him to get help because you won’t take the abuse
2 Likes
Love can’t change abuse. Get out for your safety.
4 Likes
He needs help that you can’t give him
7 Likes
Go to counseling with him or without him. You need skills not just love.
2 Likes
Sounds like mental, emotional & verbal abuse to me !! Only you can decide how much abuse you can take !! Praying for you that it doesn’t get physical before you make up your mind to love YOURSELF more than you love him !! Love can’t fix this situation - your not alone, your not the first & you won’t be the last … Please choose yourself over abuse !!
4 Likes
I would definitely address his yelling and cussing you out. If it doesn’t stop, you should leave. You can’t help someone that won’t help themself. He sounds like a narcissist.
4 Likes
I’ve dealt with this for almost 30yrs… when my other half flips that switch and goes into overdrive per say I walk away from him and let him do his thing whatever comes out of it that’s on him …
There is nothing you can do to help him, only he can do that… if you haven’t told him yet how you feel, do so first and give him space… Maybe he’ll take note if your not around for a bit…
5 Likes
It’s not your job to fix him
8 Likes
In order to be healthy and love someone else, you have to first show that love to yourself. Do not make excuses for him saying nasty and hurtful things, this is abusive. Please set some boundaries and also recognize you cannot be his savior. He has to want to get the help for his mh issues.
4 Likes
If he is not trying to help himself and recognize his issues and get help for them it is utterly pointless to try. Just my opinion from my experience. You can’t love him into being better You’ve been if you want to
It’s not your job to love him when he’s lashing out on you. He needs to get help for himself, is he on medication for it? If not heshould be, as well as counseling and therapy. Him having mental health problems isn’t an excuse for for him or anyone to be a dixk.
3 Likes
Set boundries and walk away when he gets ugly. Tell him (when he’s NOT in the middle of an episode) what your boundaries are and that you will walk away if need be. This doesn’t mean that you are being unsupportive in any way at all, rather you are protecting yourself and potentially your relationship. Yes, love him through it but you don’t have to stand there and take him being ugly to you. It will save him from being sorry later and your sanity as well. Just walk away. If you are open and honest about it beforehand he will possibly be more accepting of the boundaries that you set.
4 Likes
It’s very difficult to love someone through their mental health issues if they are not actively working on themselves to help them through the issues or better cope with the issues. Trust me when I say this, I also waited patiently for him to get help, pleaded with him to manage his anger outbursts but they would just get worse every time and honestly we didn’t fight that often, until one day it was bad enough for him to physically assault me on one of his “outbursts”. It took jail and probation for him to finally get the help he needed for his repressed childhood trauma and me to move 1700 miles away for him to realize he needed help. So please take care of you and let him take care of his own rehab honey, you don’t deserve it!!
3 Likes
Probably should seek professional help and possibly medication.
1 Like
I had to deal with a situation exactly like this. In my case he didn’t want to go for professional help. It only gets worst once they do not seek help. Eventually it becomes a burden on you and the relationship and it’s not worth it.
He needs a psychiatrist to diagnose him and possible medication
1 Like
After a while the abuse will destroy you. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. I put up with three years of that. I should have left after a few months
2 Likes
No ma’am. No. Fucking. Ma’am. Loving and sweet… no. That’s manipulation and controlling behavior. Don’t excuse his behavior with mental health. Having to say he’s the sweetest man ever but saying he’s angry. No. That’s abuse. That’s him keeping you under control. Been there done that.
6 Likes