He needs to seek help.
No excuse for verbal abuse towards you or anyone else.
Physchiatrist and counseling.
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First off . Well done you. The world needs more people like you.
Ask him when he’s not in a cycle ‘how can I help you through these episodes ‘
I would also ask if you can go with him next time he goes to see his mental health worker. And ask them. What you can do. Plus ask for details of a family group . So you can get tips on how to cope.
It’s going to be important that you take care of yourself. Plus have time away. As this can have quite a toll on you. Good luck.
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Hi there nothing hard play him by his game what I mean sometimes benefit of the dout not all the time most of the time when you talking talk more to his liking eany way good luck you’ll get it right do sa I say I wish to share more dnt 4get it’s all in the mind
I went with agreement to all my partner’s GP and mh appointments as he found it difficult to put across his feelings. He had counselling and a change in medication as he was originally misdiagnosed. We had a particularly bad 3 years, when his behaviour was unbelievable but came through it by me reading everything possible about his diagnosis and how to deal with it. If I can feel a problem coming on, I remove myself to another room until he’s calmed down. You can get through this, just remember to look after yourself as well, I didn’t. I try to remember that in my case alot of the behaviour is the illness not the real person and it is that driving the behaviour, not everyone is inherently bad, just unwell.
Mental health is not a valid excuse for him to be verbally abusive.
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He needs therapy and maybe some meds. And I would like to say thank you for being a good person. I’ve been in his shoes , I suffer from PTSD , anxiety & depression. My husband is the most amazing man. I have gotten mine under control better but I still have bad days.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I love my boyfriend through his mental health issues? - #2 by Annette_Tucker - Mamas Uncut
Seems like he needs to talk to a therapist and try to get on some meds to help him.
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He needs therapy and/or medication. One day it’s anger and hurtful words and the next it could be his hands around your throat. If he’s not willing to address his mental health appropriately, run.
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Psychiatrist and Psychologist and couples counseling = accountability
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He needs to be in therapy and on medication. I am bi-polar and have learned to control without medication but I can tell you, the only thing that saved me for the first few years after my diagnosis was medication. You can’t help him if he won’t help himself
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I’m in exactly the same situation. Does he want help? If not leave. Run. By the time he realizes years down the road he loves you, you’ll have too much resentment to even want to make it work anymore. Right now it’s hurtful words but how do you know it’s not going to turn into physical abuse instead of verbal? Too many variables. I really hope for your sake he does change. But don’t wait until it’s too late.
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He needs therapy, medication…I know you’re probably trying your best to help him through his rough patches, but you also need to think of yourself and your well being. He needs to address his mental health appropriately.
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He may be the best in good times, but you do not need the bad times and please don’t get to serious about him. Just go your own way and pray for him.
Hmm. I have mental health problems as well and my boyfriend totally gets it and sometimes I get angry and frustrated but I never say hurtful things. That’s very odd to me. Even with mental health problems. The hurtful words is probably him bringing you down to make himself feel better about his own issues. And that’s unhealthy. If you really want to work it out though I suggest therapy(maybe even you go with him a couple times or you each go separately) and medication for sure. Good luck 
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That’s not a mental health issue. That’s an excuse for being a narcissist.
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I am both this person, and in a relationship with a person just like this. I know from experience that when I’m mean, I’m hurt. I’m deeply hurt and I’m lashing out. Once I recognized that this was my pattern, I started to give myself physical and emotional space from other people so that I could figure out where I had been “triggered”. I knew I was acting irrationally, but I could never seem to stop it.
People’s anger is never about the person they are getting upset with. It’s almost always a defense because they are feeling vulnerable.
My advice; ask him what he needs. Does he need emotional support? Where can he get it? Does he need advice? Who can help go to for some perspective? What does he need and where can he get it?
That’s my two cents for what it’s worth. 🤷☺️
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As someone who struggles with ptsd anxiety and depression, sometimes the harsh words are what I need to hear to snap me out of it… not mean, but harsh, and yet sometimes I just need a hug and a reassuring word… there is no in between but you’ll soon learn as and when you wanna do which one… and by harsh word I mean “I get you are mad at the moment but fuck you and ill talk to you when you are calm!!”
Cod he’s feeling down, he has no right to put you down and make you feel bad.
Value yourself more, he will never ever change
Thus will be your forever if you choose to accept it.
Your aware of the life you will have and if you stay your choosing that life
Is he worth it?? Don’t ya want more for yourself?? Your life, your family
If you have kids your boys will be like him and your girls will only go for men who will do that to them cos that’s the way they will be reared like you believing this behaviour is normal.
It’s not your fault he’s having a hard time. He needs to grow a pair, deal wit his issues and love and respect your support not try drag you down too…
Make your choice… just make sure its the right one.
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You. 
Cannot. Fix. Another. Person.
A person who seeks help for their problems and is willing to do the work is someone worth helping. It is still HARD. If they are not putting in their share of effort, nothing you do will ever be enough.
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I’m sorry but if it were me I would leave. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that.
Make sure he’s not excusing abuse with mental health issues. Honestly if you are dating and are not committed more than that, walk away and allow him to focus on his health. It will affect your mental health trying to build with someone who isn’t 100% capable of building. Years and years will start to wear on you. Encourage him to follow his medical provider’s plan in maintaining a healthy mental state.
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Narcissist the way It sounds to me. If his mental health is outta control verbally he will soon be physically! I would suggest he gets help by a doctor therapist or RUN! Before it gets worse
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Although we are taught to believe that love is fixing, saving or changing someone else, it is not. He will need to do the work himself. Set boundaries, please. Having mental health problems is not an excuse to mistreat others. Know your worth. 
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Give him space. Knowing my son, nothing is going to help until he seeks help.
Okay, I have these same issues as your boyfriend. As a youngin, I would lash out at everyone and say things I didn’t mean, only because I was lost and feeling hurt, so I get it. BUT, since I’ve become an adult, I’ve payed attention to it, I’ve worked on myself and I’ve taken care of my mental health. What he’s doing to you, what I did to people in my past, it is not right. You don’t have to take it because he has a mental health issue. He needs to grow up and address his mental health. If he can’t get a handle on it by himself he needs to seek help, if he can’t get it worked out, it’s quite possible he has an imbalance that needs to be corrected with medicine. Mental health is not an excuse to be abusive, verbal abuse is abuse.
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He should start seeing a therapist that can help him work on his anger, and things that trigger him. He’s going to have to be put on medication to help with his mood swings. It’s something you should sit down and have a talk with him about.
Having mental health issues doesnt give him the right to treat you badly I dont talk to my man and tell him lmk when you can talk to me like an adult and if hes not willing to go get help for your sake he doesnt give af about you at that point you need to leave even if it’s not permanent to show him your serious and you will not tolerate being treated like that but people like that need a lot of reassurance
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How do you know it’s mental problems ? He needs to see a doctor or you need to walk away , before it becomes violent . Just my opinion . Sending prayers
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Ask him and help him find the help he needs… if he refuses I can promise(personal experiences on both sides) that it will only get worse. If you’re not willing to acknowledge your problems, you will never saw them. My husband dealt with it last pregnancy and probably this one too, I can’t be on my meds and it really shows. Even with medication it won’t be perfect, but it will be way better. I also have a therapist 
I lash out most when I’m frustrated and can’t explain why, it helps to have someone who understands.
Bless your heart 
I’ve been there and unfortunately you can’t fix his mental health issue and you can’t subject yourself to the verbal, mental, emotional abuse. He needs to want to be different and has to actively participate in all suggested therapy. Mental illness isn’t an excuse to belittle and berate someone.
People with mental health issues have impulse problems but as an adult he needs to control his mouth. Be sure its not abuse instead of a medical problem. If he’s not seeking therapy or something then you need to leave.
I won’t date any man that’s mental health or illness. I wouldn’t be happy at all!! Time to dump this guy!!
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I know a few people who married someone with some mental health issues & they never acted like that to the one they married.
One or two things, he is using this as a excuse to treat you bad, or he is not on the right meds. Mental illness is a tough issue, but again with the right meds & therapy can give that person a life time of good things. But also it can go in reverse… unfortunately. The ones i know are no longer with their love ones, but they are at peace. Again, their love ones were never treated badly
Take care of yourself before he takes you down with him. Only he can change and repair himself.
the way u sound im guessing is the way ur thinking, but ur heading right further more into domestic violence. u should NEVER excuse this behavior, especially if he refuses to get help, hopefully he doesn’t. nothing gives u the right to treat someone u say u love this way. u need to make sure he gets help or leave, bcz if not he will have u by the throat with this excuse, and next thing u know ur somewhere in a hospital or God forbid dead.
He knows what he is saying mental or not. He using that as an excuse.
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Needs to seek mental health treatment if it’s truly mental health…but make sure it’s not a cover up for just bad behavior
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Girl you can fix him. Quit trying! He has to fix himself don’t be his punching bag because he will continue to do it as long as you allow it.
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Is it actually a mental health issue or is he just abusive and using that as a cover to gaslight you?
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Sounds more abusive and using mental health as a excuse to be abusive. Only one that can make a change is him.
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He is abusive. Leave him. Period.
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My husband has BP and it is the single most difficult challenge we’ve ever faced. It is his responsibility to take care of his mental health, not yours. You can support him and encourage him and love him through it
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How aware is he of his mental illness and it’s seriousness? I wonder if you recorded him when he has his episodes if it would help? Does he use any resources to help with his mental illness? That would be the biggest factor to me. If you ask him to seek help and he completely refuses to, I would leave. Theres no helping someone who’s not willing to do anything to improve their mental illness
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It’s up to them to get help. There’s no excuse mental health problem or not for him to verbally abuse you. You can love him and support him but if he won’t help himself there’s not much you can do.
If your boyfriend has mental health issues let him see a professional. You are no a psychiatrist. Making excuses to stay in an abusive relationship is just a one-way ticket to losing yourself or even your life. Carefully cut him off! Save yourself. I am sure he tells you ‘baby promise me you are never going to leave me’ I will die if you not here. Manipulative set of people. You better run and far.
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Simple: both seek counseling for mental health…if he doesn’t want to attend… You should…being caught up and becoming a object of mental abuse is blinding… you need to know how to handle this
If you really wanna make it work you gotta talk to him to see what’s best.
And HE has to work on that too, he can control his anger to where he dont take it out on you or say hurtful things to you.
2. For you to be there for him he needs to tell you what he needs during that time. As in does he need space, a hug, just being present. Etc.
If he cant work with you to make things better the relationship is better off ending
Time to go it will get worst
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I’m gunna be the voice of hope here because I’ve read the post and no were does it say hes violent to you . He has a hurtful mouth . You stated hes responsible so does he take responsibility for his words? Has he shown you hes trying to fix it ? It is not your job nor will it ever be your job to fix a person man or woman but it is your job to protect yourself…speak up voice your boundaries explain loud and clear that if it doesnt stop if HE doenst go get it sorted you are going to go find what you deserve nobody has the right to be little anyone .
With that said if he is trying to fix it and you are satisfied with his progress support him that doesnt mean put him first that doenst mean you are fixing him it means your position as his equal is established and you can support him and hopefully he can love and support you . If all else fails a year or your life lost is nothing compared to a chunk or the rest of it something needs to change and quick x
I went through the EXACT same thing. And it was hard, for both of us. Because at times he knew he had issues, and other times he didn’t. We had alot of ups and downs, but after finally seeking help, and having the reassurance from me that 1 I’m here through the good and bad and 2 it’s okay to say you need help things have been great! He take his medicine and everything works out. But it’s not all on him. It’s also on me, whether or not I could handle him, whether or not I could control my own back lashing towards him for the way he acted and so on. It really is a teamwork thing and for those saying he’s just abusive, I hope that’s not the case and you know the difference more than anyone else.
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Mental health issues are not a free pass to talk down or try to trash your partner. That is an excuse excuse to abuse !
They need to be actively seeking mental health care from a professional, I refuse to stay with or help anyone who does not or refuses to help themselves 1st.
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Is he seeking help? If not there’s really nothing you can do other than hope he doesn’t get worse 
Find a new one to love.
You can support people with Mental health issues, however they themselves MUST carry themselves and be responsible to the same code of conduct that is expected by everyone… to feel safe and respected.
The moment you feel hurt, scared and impacted by another’s actions, mental health issues or not.
It is abuse.
Seek guidance from your own Doctor and outsource help from agencies that work with peoples mental health issues.
It’s a common misconception that putting up with ill treatment, violence and negative actions and attitudes is what a support person is supposed to just accept when supporting someone with a mental health issue.
No.
No, it is not.
And it is to NEVER be tolerated or accepted.
You must seek help to care for yourself.
If he wishes to change, he must put the work in to do so. You are not responsible for hi.
And he must change and do it safely, without taking his anger and aggression out on you.
It is NEVER ok and should NEVER be tolerated.
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Tell him stop w/hate & choose love…caise u love him
Does he acknowledge he has mental health issues? If not, you have go decide if it’s worth getting spoken too that way your entire relationship. Words hurt with lasting side effects. If he does realize it. He needs to seek professional help. Use a code word when he’s going to far.
The problem is… You can’t fix him. He has to help himself. If he isn’t willing to do that then it won’t work and your only going to hurt yourself. Sit him down and discuss that with him and if he can’t work on it I would leave
What kind of mental health problem does he have? Has he been diagnosed? Plz dont take this the wrong way but maybe hes the type of person that as long as things are going good hes the best but the least little thing diesnt go his way or planned he goes off and the verbal abuse starts. That sounds like more of a manipulated person. Hopefully things will get better for you.
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Please do not be conned into believing mental health issues are an excuse for abuse or nearly abuse. My ex was a schizophrenic with manic bipolar, he would be perfect for days, or weeks, sometimes a month or two, then he would flip on me and call me horrible names and accuse me of things that wernt happening and the longer we were together the closer and closer those episodes got and I convinced myself that it was cause of his illnesses. It took me taking it until I tried to take my own life because of the hurtful things that were being said before I woke up and realized he wasn’t the victim, I was.
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Just because he has mental health problems doesn’t mean you need to risk your mental health for it, let alone deal with emotional and mental abuse. If it’s bad now it will get worse. Honestly I think it’s time to move on.
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You dont need to be seeking help for him. Seek help for your healing from what hes already exposed you too and he should be seeking his own help. You do not destroy people you love. And you do not condone, enable or feed ones toxicity. First you, then your kids. He needs to heal or he will harm. And he needs to acknowledge and address it. Be firm about what you need, which is not the trauma of outbursts.
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Counselling may help. If its depression then try and get him to go to the GP for antidepressants to help him. Maybe sit him down and ask him whats going on in his head and point out what he says is hurting you and see where it goes from there
You can also recieve support as ur living with someone with mental health i kmow as my partner did with me wen we were togeather as I have mental health just know he dosent mean thoise words I would suggest one of you going out wen anything like that, starts up and say I’m going out i dnt want to fight ill be back in an hour or something like that or he goes out i always found that helped me because by the time my partner got back I would have had time to cool down anotyer thing I would suggest he seeks help and medication to help if he isn’t already but yeh if u both seek support and help they will give u lots of ideas that can help in these situations i found for my mental health regular workouts also helped and wen I wasent feeling okey I would go on long jogs it really does help the mental health will never go so its working thriugg these issues talkin about it and working out ways to avoid these things happening also i found going bed at decent times really helped my moods routine was, really important to me i always, struggle more in relationships so I find being single is best for my mental health ur health and mind is also important so def seek support as you can also if it is too much for you then don’t be afraid to walk away sometimes people blame everything on their mental health but really it’s just an excuse yes it can be abit of both but it dosent mean it’s acceptable i always found i needed to be on my own if I didn’t feel okey else I would lash out that best of luck to you and please seek support for your self so u don’t end up feeling like rubbish theres a thing for people who are, supporting people with mental health like a group or something u could also meet others in a simular situation and to help you understand the mental health symptoms more which will also help you
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I love my boyfriend through his mental health issues? - #2 by Annette_Tucker - Mamas Uncut
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If you’re willing to stay in the relationship, have a serious conversation with him about getting help. See how he responds and how serious he is about getting help. Sometimes people will accept it and find help, most times people with be in denial and defiant about being “fine.” If he truly doesn’t participate in getting help you should truly consider leaving. Be understanding and loving, yes, but at the same time there needs to be boundaries and you need to take care of YOU first. From experience, you can’t simply just love someone more and they’ll get better. That’s not how it goes, he’s gotta love and understand himself-possibly with a doctor, psychiatrist, meds, etc; but not solely through you loving him. If loving someone alone was enough many peoples mental illnesses and addictions would be cured. I know this is difficult as hell… just know no matter how hurtful, the mean words he says are NOT the truth and are because he needs help and most likely dislikes himself right now. Hang in there💜
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My Mum suffered with her mental health for years it’s not easy, when she was in a dark place it was very hard on her and everyone around her she had treatment and meds, now when she was well it was great, but it’s a rocky road and not a easy one we stuck by her through thick and thin at the end of the day its your decision to walk away or stay l wish you luck whatever you decide.
You are sacrificing your own mental health for his. The mist living thing you can do is demand he seeks counseling to change of you can no longer be together.
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It will never get better, only worse. Get out while you can. Truly. I speak from experience. He will drag you down. Way down.
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I am Bipolar. I am truly a different person when I’m not on my medication. I’ve taken it for years and if you have the right meds, it’s life changing. But you have to want to be better.
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Love,loving him more will not solve the issue. If you want to help him you need to find a way he can learn some new ways to cope when he is in that mindframe. Loving him more will give him co dependency ,you don’t want that because you are equals in your relationship.
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This is a two-way street. He needs to seek treatment and take meds if prescribed. With his permission you can ask his therapist what behaviors would be most beneficial.
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For the folks who have not lived it offer no advice please. Living in this situation ruins your life and all who you love. My son will never get over the harm done and that he has to face that his Dad killed himself and now lives everyday with that guilt that maybe he could have fixed it. I hope this person gets help but the girlfriend needs to get out and seek her own help.
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He is not your husband… you have no obligation to bear with him … why endure such abuse. Leave as long as you can…
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I tried to stay with my husband of almost 8 years who had bipolar but he was getting worst with the name calling and the hitting and then would be sorry and loving again thinking he would get better. The moment he touched my at the time 11 month old daughter was when I called the cops on him
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Help him as a friend but better still get him professional help. Don’t even consider a romantic relationship with him though unless he has these issues resolved. Trust me. It’s not something you’ll want to have a lifetime of and can affect your children too.
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He said she said…if we could only change them, our lives would be so sweet. That’s never going to happen. If you weren’t in his life, he would do this to another woman. Deep down inside, you know what to do. Easier said than done, don’t waste your time & move on. You deserve someone to treat you with respect at all times…
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Don’t let him take his anger out on you. Flat out!!! I’ve dealt with it myself. Walking on eggshells is No Way To Live!!!
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Time to move on before you really get hurt. If the illness get worse imagine the abuse you will get, maybe physical. No one is worth that!
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Sounds like you aren’t ready for this type of relationship. Mental health problems will always be a battle. I’m appalled at some of these responses as its clear many have never dealt with it. Yes, it is verbal abuse. Is it completely his fault most likely no. He doesn’t have the tools to express his issues in a healthy manner. Until he does this will always happen. You can’t fix it. Its his problem. Though, you can walk away and make it clear you wont engage if he acts this way. Its for your own mental health if you stay.
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My daughter stayed in this situation for 16 years he turned his anger on my grandaughters. She became infected to because she hid it from us. I fi ally had to step in. No matter how much I love someone this will eventually wear u down. Sometimes things just dont work out.
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This man needs professional help. You are not trained to help him. Neither am I. But you can be nice to him but when he becomes verbally abusive tell him you are going to walk away. You do not have to take his verbal abuse.
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“Mental issues” is not an excuse for bad behavior. Leave until he seeks mental health services and gets the condition under control. Verbal abuse is just one step away from physical abuse and an out of control man is a safety risk.
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Do not even try to handle this man…run away as fast as you can. This will not change…only get worse. Find someone else in your life who is happy, optimistic and nice to you.
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It sounds like he needs doctors help. Disorders can be helped with medication and therapy as well as a loving partner. But you can’t do it alone
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My daughter was married to this kind of man. In the end my daughter died at 39 yrs. old. Just think about that for a minute.
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Unless he is willing to get help to help himself there is nothing you can do. If he is willing to get and keep getting help then sure you can assist him with that
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Sounds like he may have an anger management problem. Certainly a psychiatrist. (for diagnosis & meds) & a psychologist for counseling could help him.
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Run!! My granddaughter s fiance had this same problem. He pointed a gun at her then turned it on himself and pulled the trigger. Dead!!!
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Keep loving him, it’s what he needs the most. The hurtful words aren’t really about you but about his own battles.
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If you really think you should stay with him, find a good couples counselor and do some intense counseling work before deciding if this can be a healthy relationship for both of you……
He needs to get the ugly behaviors under control before he can be in a relationship.
So either exit now or plan to do some tough work in the next few months.
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In addition to his getting professional help, I think you need to stand up for yourself and not allow him to say mean things. It’s worth a try, even if you doubt he’ll comply
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If he’s not willing to get the help he needs then you’re just in an abusive relationship and enabling him. There has to be balance.
It’s ok to have mental health issues — it’s not ok to project them onto others without taking the means to treat it.
He needs to be accountable for his health and actions.
Don’t be a doormat
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I stayed with a man who verbally abused and berated me. I entered the relationship a confident, independent young woman. Gradually over the course of a few years he beat me down and made me feel like I was nothing. If u hear something over and over u begin to accept it as the truth. I eventually believed every horrible thing he said about me was true and I was miserable and depressed and hated myself.
My family (mostly my 2 sisters) convinced me to get away from him for a while. 2 weeks of being built up by my family gave me the strength to leave him and thank God! I am so much happier and self confident and I actually like myself again.
I still wasted 15 years of my life being unhappy I hope u can maybe learn from my mistake and get away BEFORE u end up miserable like I was!
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I have been thru this before it only gets worse as time goes by it starts out verbal but ends up physical it wasn’t a man it was my daughter she would blame it all her her mental state she had 3 children lost them all i have custody of 2 of them she was so abusive to my now 17 year old and that started at age 5 its a long story but you cannot stay in a relationship like that please believe me it gets worse
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My ex-husband had mental health issues. It began with hurtful words and angry outbursts. Finally, when I considered leaving him, he reached a point of needing hospitalization. I reminded myself of the marriage vows and thought how I would want to be treated if the situation were reversed. So, I stayed with him. Like you mentioned, I wanted to LOVE him through it. I even considered he didn’t know how to control himself.
That choice to stick it out resulted in verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. I was isolated, held captive, raped, and he tried to run me over with his car because I wouldn’t go to dinner with him.
Once he was finally arrested, it led to a loss of myself, my career, and my baby. I developed severe PTSD and an eating disorder. And I did get lots of professional help and I am doing much better now, but I stayed at what cost?
Please, by all means, seek professional help before acting, but I advise run. It will not get better unless he chooses to get help for himself and actually puts the work in to change. You can’t love him through it or do it for him. The small incidents will end up bigger until he gets help. You are experiencing the early warning signs. Protect yourself and get out.
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It’s so easy for people to say leave him, but how do you think hes gonna cope with that, you have been with him for a yr, he must have shown you signs that he struggles with mental health problems in that yr and you have stuck by his side all this time, he doesn’t need you to leave, he needs you to try and get him some help. I also live with my partner who has mental health problems and gets angry and says nasty things, I have discovered a way to cope with it and what I have to do stop it. When he starts I dont react back to it cause it makes it ten times worse, if it goes on for to long I remove myself from the room, go up to the bedroom, which makes him stop and think, when he has calmed down we sit and talk about what happened and how it made me feel, I haven’t had to do that in a long time now, cause when he starts he automatically stops himself and thinks why am I mad, I would never think to myself I’ve got to leave, I’m in a relationship with you and you have a mental illness and I love him to bits and I want to help him to start feeling better, hes a lovely guy and just needs support.
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Mental health issues or not …you should put up boundaries…talk to him when he is s we’ll tell him straight out you will not tolerate hurtful words lashed at you …have a safe place to go or he has to leave or go to separate rooms but if he slinging hurtfull words through the door r more actions need to happen …I have a mental health issue …does 
t give me full rein to abuse anything to r anyone …also there is a good program called W.R.A.P. might have it at your mental health center or online it is free . It’s a program that helps you figure out your triggers those kind of things to set you off how you react to the triggers what kind of behaviors do you do what can you do differently etc .help him by not giving a pass for his actions because he is having issues
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See if he will seek help. If not get out. People like that don’t change and he won’t be treating you better. It is not fair to you at all
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You can help him by going to a psychologist
. He’s got impulsive aggression a form of ocd . He’s has To be treated for anxiety before it gets to anger usually meds for anxiety . Hurt people hurt others so his hurt bleeds n cuts you . He needs help
Or you need to leave could be a long road of misery for you ! 
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