Boyfriend, no. See the red flags. I see people telling you how to manage him. Is this what you want for your life way into your future? If he gets the help he needs, then you might consider a “first date” with him.
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Been there, done that. Get a counselor, if you can, even if he won’t go, you go for support. My counselor told me, no matter what his issues are, he does not have the right to mistreat me. I laid out my boundaries and we had a catch phrase. When he started to get upset, I mentioned the catch phrase and he would have to stop and think about what that meant.
In our case, married with three teenaged children, I had told him I was done walking on eggshells. If he valued our marriage and family, he needed to control it. Had a police officer been there he would control it. In front of a judge, he would control it, so he could certainly control it around me and the children. I told him if I could fix this, it would have been fixed years ago, but this was all on him. He had to do it.
After 16 years of this, I truly was done and meant that the marriage would end, if it continued. He knew I was serious.
If he would start down that path, I would say the catch phrase and he would get himself under control. It is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. He had to decide if he wanted us in his life on the regular or wanted child support, visitation and divorce. He has learned to talk with me now, instead of blowing up.
Word to the wise, catch it when it first begins or as in our case, if he got too far into that anger, there was no way to stop it. Counseling really does help. Good luck.
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My sister just got a divorce of 40 year’s from her husband because of the way he act she would get out and work her butt off while he sat back and did nothing since 1994 when was told that he couldn’t work which was all BS .she would tell him they need to sat down and talk but he wouldn’t so he was on the phone with his brother and told her to file for a divorce so she did he was telling everyone that he had cancer throughout his whole body which is lies and blame me for his actions which I had nothing to do with .I guess what I’m saying is tell him to get the help he needs or you will leave him i wish you nothing but the best of luck
You can’t change him, but you can change what you do. I would distance myself from him when he is hurtful. That is his problem and he needs to gain control of himself. And if he can’t get it together, you don’t have to stay with him.
I’m sorry it’s happening to you. I know it’s hard but you have to leave, if he has already had the issue before you two meet. It’s his problem not yours. And, you are easily manipulated by him, I know because my older sister was like that. I’m sorry to say this and I know it’s heartbreaking but the best therapy you can give him is leaving him.
Go get counseling. If he’s got mental health issues, he needs to have a provider that sees him regularly anyway! Have him see the doctor and you go with him. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Relationships take work from BOTH parties. Good luck! 
Walk away from trouble if you can. Dont look back. You dont deserve a mean boy friend. Dont pamper him. He needs group therapy. Move on with your life without him. You deserve better treatment. Dont let him drag you down in the dumps.you’re better person than that. Leave him. He come crawling back. But say No Enough is Enough.
Try to work out his triggers and avoid them. It may be loneliness, going out in public etc. Make sure he takes his meds and make sure you tell him how you feel when he has an episode. He will remember these words when he goes through the cycle again and hopefully leave the room for a few minutes while frustrations pass and he calms down a bit. It does get easier. Lots of reassurance when he’s having a down day. Talking about it when he’s having a good day just puts pressure on his mental state and will sound like blah blah blah, no matter how nice you are saying it. Keep your words simple, but firm and mean them.
My hubby was same way I finally got him to a psych dr And meds helped and if you can get him to talk about why he is angry it’s hard, I’ve been w my husband for over 11 yrs and he is not like that anymore and doesn’t take it out on me anymore and I started fighting back letting him know he can’t treat me that way
Having a Mental Illness is No excuse for someone to be hurtful and abusive…make it his responsibility to control his anger now as it will get worse…he needs professional help…if he does not treat you with respect…LEAVE NOW!
Give him an ultimatum. Either he gets help or the both of you have no more future together. If he really loves you then you will see how fast he goes to a Dr. If he thinks he is going to lose you…
You cant love him out of mental illness. Get him some help NOW. You might need a session or two yourself.
You can’t change him you you need to be sure if this is the life you want to be with it’s not an easy path he needs a psychiatrist therapist medication always if you feel that you could deal with this then stay but really think about it if you want to stay too many ups and down will you be able to deal with it that’s the question you need to ask yourself
I listen from both sides to my daughter and her boyfriend and the way he walks across the floor can set her off she says very hurtful things and is abusive and will not get help blames everything on him and wont get help what do i do any suggestions
First off he doesn’t need you to handle him he needs love . As A bipolar person it’s not easy to love us or understand us . So first just love him and try to understand while he learns how to deal with it . The biggest thing you can do is counseling for yourself because it will take a huge toll on u as a person. I don’t know what he has but just remember he loves u and doesn’t mean those hurtful words. He regrets them as soon as they come out . Good luck 
Help him find coping skills to use when hes struggling… He might benefit from medication to use as needed not scheduled… You know him more then any of us…so ask your self are you ready to be by his side through the whole thing
Mental problem,diagnosed by a psychiatrist?
Then he should be under medication coz that can escalate to anything more worse than verbal abuse
Oh honey, no, that’s not your responsibility, not your job and not your load to carry.
It’s impossible to “love someone through their mental health issues” They need therapy and medicine. And if they refuse to take that; you leave.
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You have to make sure he takes his meds every day. If he not on medication then he needs to be. It is very difficult for them to stay on their medication but it has to be a priority. Don’t give them access to you money. When they are maniac they can spend or charge/order a lot of things.
You both need counseling to help overcome his behavior ( his problem, not yours) and handling the cruel words( your problem)
This person asks for help to stay with someone with mental health issues and all you have to say is leave him. I deal with mental health issues and I am in a relationship. Here is my advise. He needs to speak to someone about his mental health, not you. He can get help in dealing with if not finding a way to fix the problem. Look at what his triggers are. Then try to help him avoid those kinds of triggers. Talk to him too. When you do talk to him try not to be accusing in tone. My girlfriend and I have had our rough patches and we made it through to almost 9 years now. I have no idea if my mental health is worse than your boyfriend but I do know me seeking the help was not easy. Men have this I am strong enough to handle it attitude and we need to stop thinking that we are made of steel all the time. Only you can say if it is worth the time and effort. Hope this was helpful.
Everyone is saying to leave, but that’s not always the answer, not everybody is the same when battling mental health issues. Whilst he says hurtful things in the moment, leave him be, wait until he has passed that moment he is having & talk to him, explain to him that what he has said has hurt your feelings & ask him how you can help, ask him what’s going on, work with him but slowly otherwise it all becomes to much. It will take time but it will get better. In saying that, if he is being physically abusive then yes leave, if he is being verbally abusive then yes leave, but if he is having a struggle day & he is saying mean things it isn’t always abuse, sometimes for people it’s a coping mechanism & even tho they know it’s not a good one they dont know how else to cope & that’s when talking to him after he’s chilled out comes in.
I’m not a PhD or MD… my minor in college was psychology….
Smitty’s first 2 rules of psychology are
1). People do what they want & make excuses why they didn’t do what you want. If you’re hearing excuses, he didn’t want to.
2). You cannot have a normal relationship with a dysfunctional person. He’s dysfunctional? WTF do you expect?
He treats you bad, go ahead & dump the turkey. You don’t need our blessing or permission to kick his ass to the curb. It’s time to move on!
“Multiply it by ten”, a wise person once advised me about pre-nuptial misbehavior, “and that will be your marriage”. Run while you still can!
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Sounds like most of y’all have not had the privilege of loving a mentally ill person and are using stigma to propagate your own belief system.
People heal. People change. And people need unconditional love. However, while unconditional love is the best way… it is NOT without clear and enforced boundaries, professional help for the person and you, and a good support system for you both. 1 in 4 in America are mentally ill, if you aren’t one of them, you love one of them and may not even know it because your head is too far up your own narcissistic ass. Grow up! If you have lived past the age of about 8, life has a way of causing damage and trauma to us all…that we must all carry as a shared burden in order to love well. Otherwise, you are only loving what is easy and convenient for you, not really loving at all.
People don’t understand mental illness, you think it is hard on you, when actually it is harder on the person who has it. Bipolar is a sad illness.You wake up everyday not knowing what kind of day you will have.The smallest thing can trigger it, you just ride it out.God is what gets me through life with bipolar.
Get a new boyfriend. Thing only get worse not better. If he gets help that might be helpful. But I say get while the getting is good.
- It is not your role to rescue him if he refuses to acknowledge and own his problem. If he chooses to drown, you don’t have to drown with him.
- Healthy relationships have healthy boundaries. Boundaries protect you and reveal those who disrespect you.
I recommend reading books, e.g.:
- Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
- Dr. George K. Simon Ph.D.
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People - Paul T. Mason - Stop Walking on Eggshells
- Jerold J. Kreisman & Hal Straus - I hate you—Don’t leave me
Honey got 39 years in. Love him But don’t Like him. They NEVER see who YOU see.
If he acknowledges a problem ask him when he’s experiencing fewer symptoms if he’s willing to get help. There are many options for medication that are effective and no longer harsh. Some can even be given by monthly injection
Walk away, before it gets nasty, if after a year you have made no progress then the chances are it’s only going to get worse
Please seek out a professional therapist to see you both as a couple. As me speaking from the person who is the mentally unstable person in a marriage. It is best to ask the professional therapist opinion on how to handle certain things especially if it is involving anger issues for your boyfriend. The anger is a hard thing to control and predict in mentality Ill people. I speak from personal experience.
What are the hurtful things he is saying? Everyone in every relationship says hurtful things. The question is how hurtful? How serious? Verbal abuse is never okay. No one is perfect though and hurtful things can be said. It’s more about the pattern.
Mental illnesses are serious. It’s a lot to be getting on with. But it needs to stop being a “go-to” excuse as a justification for hurtful behavior. No one can help how they feel. That doesn’t mean they can’t learn to control what they do because of it. I am bipolar. And I can tell you that diagnosis shocked the heck out of me. I didn’t get the high-highs, there was no mania. I took steps to get better. I went through partial hospitalization, saw a psychiatrist every other day or every day as needed while there. Then worked with a therapist one on one and attended day long intensive group therapy sessions (partial hospitalization had me going in from 8 to 2 Monday through Friday and was a good option because I could be home with my kids every night)
My point is he getting/seeking help? And I don’t mean seeing a psychiatrist once a month and taking his meds. Is he doing anything more to get better?
I laude you in wanting to love your boyfriend through this and despite this. If he is not doing something about it and honestly trying to get better you need to think about your mental health. Picture having kids with him. Would you allow your children to be treated this way? It’s one thing if he is honestly working hard to get better and do better. If this is just a pattern however with a take it or leave it attitude, leave it. If he’s honestly trying to get better get a separate therapist or even his therapist and have sessions together once or twice a month. The purpose is to develop coping mechanisms together to keep things from going to far. Set boundaries and hold to them. He doesn’t get to use this as a justification because that is holding you hostage to his entitlement for that behavior. Be patient if he’s trying, but if he isn’t you need to think of yourself. It’s hard work. I never worked so hard at getting better. It’s not easy confronting your personal demons and taking responsibility but it is oh so freeing and worth it. It is also important to continue to upkeep it. Good luck
Get out! I wasted 5 years of my life, almost lost my life to my 1st husband who was addicted to rage and gambling. Got out with the clothes on my back in terror for my life, and am doing much better! When I left him I went through a nervous breakdown, and was deeply depressed for the rest of that year. No one is worth that, get out before it happens to you!!
Leave him before you get hurt. He need to seek help. You can’t fix this. Go and be happy life is to short.
He’s mean …. Break up with him. What mental health issue causes one to be an ahole? Yeah, none of them ……
That’s abuse. He is using the excuse of " mental health" to gaslight you.
Leave! It WILL only get worse. You are allowing him to treat you like this so he will continue to do so.
I think u should leave him it will only get worse u have tried to help him so time to think of yourself there is no excuse for his behaviour
Get him on meds I’m sorry but love ain’t gonna do anything
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Love doesn’t always fix mental illness… I have been in your shoes for almost 9 years now and I promise you if he won’t or refuses to seek or except that he needs professional help possibly medication it will destroy you piece by piece until you no longer recognize yourself. Your heart is in the right place. You love him unconditionally and don’t want to see him struggle. I commend you for standing beside him, I know how hard and emotionally draining it is to be in your shoes but please, please while you are helping and support him do not forgot about yourself. When a relationship isn’t 50/50 or it’s not possible to share the imbalance when you’re 80%are he is 20% vice-versa as many of us are bc we all have ups and downs it will eventually start destroying your spirit and then your physical health… I say these words with no judgement as I have experienced everything you are going through and I’m at the end of road… my mental health has been severely effected because of living in a high stress and anxiety inducing environment. Not realizing that slowly my physical health was deteriorating… I haven’t been well in over three years… and by well I mean chronic medical issues such as pneumonia, memory fog and loss, chronic fatigue the list goes on… It took almost 4 years into our marriage for his episodes which had become more frequent and extremely toxic to start boiling over bc I tried my hardest to put a smile on and say I’m okay, I’ll be okay, it could be worse, he needs you you got to be strong. Just please think of yourself along this journey. I’m not saying, girl run… I’d be a hypocrite… but set boundaries and also expectations that are equal… you are willing to battle the storm with him most women aren’t that strong, that makes you very courageous. So now he needs to do his part by seeking out help and guidance which most likely get him on the right path to a more mentally sound which I’m sure you are also willing to help him … I want nothing more then my marriage to be sound and stable, I’ve put my all into it… but my husband is unwilling to accept or admit his truths. So, I’m left to make a very hard decision between do I continue to walk on eggshells daily living in a constant state of conflict, turmoil and Illness, which he is competent enough to know is our reality and also to be the truth. He is also very aware of my health declining(and no serious medical diagnosis causing this decline) The person I once was energetic, warm, outgoing, optimistic and could handle most situations with grace and patience is slowly fading into somebody I never in a million year thought I had the potential to be… I am sending you love and prayers. I wish you both all the best and that there is a positive outcome to your journey
It starts out in words and ends in punches and can end in death…please get away before you get hurt !!
Does he tell you your crazy? I’ve heard it all. So much fun. Run
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drop him ,it’s not worth it ,you can’t change him. I know ;i’ve tryed it for 68 years with mine. you’ll end up with high blood pressure and stress and unhappy.
I think you need to get profeprofessional help. It is almost impossiable foryou to help him on your own. Just like you would seak a doctor for any health problem. mental issues are no different
Honestly, you need to get out of that relationship before it cost you too much.
Hey love my boyfriend is the same way sometimes but he is going to counseling and a shrink maybe some meds would help him
Could be a drug problem. That’s why the mental health issues.
If he has this issue and doesn’t get help, get medicine to help him. You need to leave him it will only get worse, possibly physical.
“Love is not enough “. There’s a book by that name
it will get worse once you are alone in the house, before you get marry check if it’s something you can handle alone.
’ Pack a bag and start walking ’ We can NeVer heal another … Only they can do that … It’s a pattern and clearly one that is repeated … Don’t fool yourself into thinking it can’t be controlled … It can be in most cases …
It’s not your job to facilitate bad behaviour …
YOU need to be more loved. He needs to understand you are not his parent or child, he is not your parent or child. if you are hurt you are going to ask him to go away. Or you are going to go away. He needs to learn to talk about problems like adults do with self controlled explanation . Or he should go away. Likewise if he ‘ hurts’ you with his words you may need to listen and learn, you need to ask questions, be prepared to admit a fault, he might have grounds for his anger, it might be up to you to make some wiser more considerate changes too, but its up to him to convince you quietly and lovingly in a calm self controlled manner . You need to tell him you will not be wanting his company any more if he is being overbearing, insulting, abusive, angry, or spiteful. It is not acceptable behaviour. Tell him if he hurts you like this you are going home. We all have mental health issues, he is not the only one. We all need to learn to use our language more effectively if we want people to love us. If he continues this behaviour just imagine how it would be for you if you and he were far away and alone somewhere, on honeymoon or you were married and heavily pregnant, with a toddler also, you were really sick and needed continuous care for a day or two…you cant put your life in the hands of a person who hurts you. Men can be caring too. He can learn or leave now. Women need to be loved not used as a verbal punch bag. Don’t call him boyfriend if you want a man friend , a fiancé, a life partner, a husband, boys are immature, they can hurt you badly.
Don’t put any children though this
Runnnnnnnnnn. You’re not married. HE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Runnnnnnn. It will only get worse. I wasted my whole life on that man!!! Get out while you can.
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same situation 
8years ng ganto pero haii 
Nope. Just run 
♂ as fast as you can. Away. Life is too short. You deserve better. It will only get worse as he sees he can get away with mistreatment and abuse. Can you stand for it to be one bit worse? Imagine how shitty you will feel after years of torment. Hot and cold. Love bombing. Apologies. It’s the path to control and narcissistic behavior. Don’t have kids with him. Don’t marry. Just run.
Get out before you have invested too much of your life. He needs professional help. You can’t change him.Take care of yourself.
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It’s time to get help for yourself…iving like this will create a illness in you.
Reach out for information and help.
Well hes not sweet then and you should move on
You can love him, but you should not live with him.
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Walk away trust me. Been there done that.
Both need professional help. Him and you to help him get through it.
NAMI mental health support group. Please seek their services!
Get out. He needs help but you can’t help someone unless he wants help
No one should have to go through this
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Get out of the relationship it’s too dangerous now, get yourself counseling
Find another boyfriend. You shouldn’t have to fix a grown man.
As i said before all goes well when you say nothing at all your helping him too
Dump him. The abuse only gets worse as time goes by.
Ya, leave before it gets worse cause it won’t get better. If he won’t get help now, he won’t ever get help.
Leave. Run! He sounds narcissistic. No hope for him. Don’t let him ruin your life
Get out now they cant be helped
He has the right to
be sick,but he has no tonight to be abusive!!! Never!
Leave before he hurts you physically.
Girl leave it’s not going to get better believe
He needs professional help and you’re not it
It’s sad but You have to understand and love him no matterwhat
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could you have him tested for by.pola your doctor could help there.
Get him tested for Diabetes. His blood sugar may get too high
Give him space during these times.
In a word LEAVE did you hear me LEAVE run girl get as far away as possible change your phone # whatever u have to
Kmt mental or not once the abuse start it done.
About time you got rid of your problem, before it’s too late.
Therapy with him. And make sure he’s getting the help he needs
Love is a wonderful thing but it is not a treatment or a cure for mental illness. If he is on meds he needs to be reevaluated. If he is refusing to take them, you should cut your losses and leave.
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He sounds like a Narcissist. RUN AWAY NOW
I sincerely hope and pray that your boyfriend gets the help he needs. I too have mental issues and when I got help I felt so much better. I take meds for my issues. Maybe he should do the same
If he is abusive you need to leave. His family needs to find him the mental help that he needs but you need to get out of that relationship until they do
If he is unwilling to seek a solution for this problem which harms both himself and you, then you are within your rights to leave. To say “i know that your behavior is a symptom of your illness, but your behavior hurts me very much. And you are going to find a way to aid your illness in order to stop this behavior, or else I’m going to have to go somewhere where I won’t be hurt anymore” is a reasonable boundary.
You can’t. That’s being in an abusive relationship whether he means to do it or not. You need to get out of it. It’s not going to get better
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Dont be fooled by his so called mental health disorder - this sounds more like poor attitude n lack of respect
Connect with #Nami they help so much.
I have two severely mentally ill kids. One is 31 the other 18. I know exactly what you are talking about. Please try not to take it personal whatever he’s saying when he’s having his issues because he would do it to anyone.
Distance yourself from that mentally.
Nami will help you understand more about his condition.
They have meetings and group meetings for loved ones of people with mental illness.
They will give you mental tools to deal with this.
Is he on meds sounds like he needs to be
Sounds like he needs medication, you don’t deserve that
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A good therapist he can “bond” with.
No matter how much you love this man and how desperately you want to fix him you need help from the professionals as he needs medication and therapy. Unfortunately you can not do this alone , and without help things will escalate and you could find yourself in a very difficult and dangerous situation . Either get him to seek help or leave.
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Well, has he been diagnosed ? Is he in therapy or on medication. My son has depression. On meds etc… Is married . I had long talk with his wife when they were engaged. She educated herself. They do great but he isn’t violent or abusive. Abuse is never ok.
I suffer from multiple mental illnesses…and i dont become a asshole… thats not his mental health…sounds like a narcissist
You didn’t give his age,age can effect their mental condition making it worse,I found that backing off when they get that way and let things calm down before it gets out of hand. I’ve been working with a bipolar person for many years and I still haven’t figured it out yet and neither has the doctors,is he on medication and has he seen more than just one,help him find a good doctor to talk to as well as a Psychiatrist that helps with the medication. Good luck ,just remember it’s a life long illness.
My man can get like this, he’s the same way. The sweetest and most loving man I could ever possibly ask for. Sometimes he can get mean, but he always apologizes to me and tries his best to make it up to me and that’s all I ask for. In the beginning of our relationship, we had long conversations about his mental state, and I promised to be the one constant in his life that he could confide in. I knew it wouldn’t be easy for either of us, but that’s okay, but it does bring us a little closer in those moments it gets rough for him. I wouldn’t say it’s unhealthy, unless he means the mean words he is saying. My man has worked a lot to watch what he’s saying to me, but he does have his moments. I try to be patient, and remind myself that he’s not perfect , and he doesn’t mean it. He’s gotten better at controlling his problems, and most of his mental health issues stem from his PTSD. He lost his little brother in a hit and run, and witnessed it first hand, the woman hit him and dragged him with the vehicle for 40 yards. She got out, detached the body, and drove away. It’s hard to continue on past something that horrible. No one really understands the impact that has on one person unless they’ve been through it, or has someone close to them to help them push through it. Sometimes having someone help you fight that battle is all someone needs, and its commendable for someone who has the strength to do so. I wouldn’t give up on my man for the life of me, I’ve got issues of my own and he’s done so much to help me fight. I’ve expressed how I feel to him many times, and he reciprocates my feelings and does his absolute best to remind himself that I too am not perfect, but I try to be the best I can be for him. We manage just fine, I wish you the same.