So my husband and I have been together for eight years; I have a decent relationship with my MIL. The problem is she is addicted to pain pills and is constantly getting admitted to the hospital. For what I believe to be drug-seeking, it’s very obvious. At least once a month, she’s admitted for “stroke symptoms,” but they never find anything. And it’s always a different hospital. She is only 50 years old but acts like she’s 80. My husband doesn’t see it, and I’m very careful not to talk negatively about her. Because I understand that it’s still his mom, but she is very manipulative and is constantly having him take time off work. He is the only child, so I feel like all of the burdens fall on him. She and my father-in-law have been divorced since my husband was little. He agrees with me and says she’s been abusing pain pills for over 30 years. I just feel bad for my husband and how she manipulates him. He is constantly worrying and says she will have to move in with us in the next couple of years. I said no way. How do I help him see?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I make my husband see his mother has an addiction?
I know that a methadone clinic will help. Be able to get her off. The whole thing is getting her to admit. Smh. Good luck
The hospitals will eventually red flag her if that’s what’s going on. Tough situation to be in, it’s hard to see the truth when it’s a loved one, especially the woman that gave birth to him.
Unfortunately in these situations he will find out when something happens to her that puts a spotlight on her addiction.
Take the drugs from her? Lmao
I will pray for your family that all will be well god be with you .
When you go visit her stop and talk to the doctor and tell him what’s going on and tell him it needs to end.
I pray it works out but your husband will see what she’s doing before long, because if she moves in with you guys your marriage is over because those drugs are not only going to destroy her it’s going to destroy your marriage
Is she prescribed the meds? Or just getting them from the hospital?
Keep a journal of every time she is admitted to the hospital, anytime she picks up her meds and how long they last her. Try talking with her or go to a meeting and get support.
Unfortunately you can’t do or say anything to make him see it. He’s gotta do that on his own. My mom’s an addict and nobody wanted to see it until they had no choice. Took her losing everything including a relationship with her kids for anyone to see it. Best of luck I know how hard it is.
It sounds like she is suffering from health anxiety…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I make my husband see his mother has an addiction?
Once you involve 3rd party people in home.or relationship…many get divorced…don’t allow it and he needs to stop feeding in that behavior because he is enabling it…
He is an enabler.and his mom.feeds into it. She has to call 911 If she has issues or send her to.rehab.
If he doesnt want to see it, there s nothing you can do… and if you try, you ll just make yourself crazy
Nope 
to the moving inside same house no way - save up get travel trailer/fifth wheel put in driveway hook up to water electric n everyone’s close in emergency but own space
My mother is a simular personality, always attention seeking we found it best to send her to assisted living, where she could be be independent and yet have help as she needeed.
Oh boy… red flags here… I’d never woulda have gotten involved… once shes in the house your relationship is over. Not to cause a war here, but he’s enabling this situation by not standing up…
Help him help her establish a care with a primary care physician. She very well may be addicted to pain pills, but does she have a reason for pain?
You better be right .or your getting in deep…
Does she have any health issues that cause chronic debilitating pain?
Find her help and present it to your husband. He may be upset at first but he will see you did it out of care for his mother. The biggest problem with an addicted is you can’t enable them it’s toxic. I was married to an addicted for 19 yrs. Just also realize that the addict has to also want help or you have to cut ties. Good luck this is a shitty situation all around.
Oh geez…what ever you do… don’t let her move in…if you want to save your family… nursing home if anything… You can’t win here…your first priority is YOUR family…talk to your husband…wake him up to the obvious.
Have your husband get more involved in her Healthcare so he can start to see thru her lies… Stop taking her/MIL word for what’s going on with “Pain”… Have him meet and speak directly to her doctor’s get a clear diagnosis and the get a Medical plan in action… Yes, getting involved is risky, but your MIL moving in will more than likely end your marriage…
Until your husband is tired and miserable he will never admit you are right so dont help and do anything to help him with his mama situation. That’s what i did with my husband. My mil and sil was the same and even worst than yours. Told my husband that as long as he does his responsibilities as my husband and as a father to our son, he can do what he please with mil and sil but he cannot dib in our money and our family time. He needs to find his own money and time to splurge on them. He was so miserable without my help and enabling that he finally gave up on them on his own.
What would you do if it was your Mother???
1st…since the ex husband nor you are doctors nor do you know what her pain is…accusing someone of this is wrong, perhaps YOU are wrong?! 2nd. Thats his mother, he has every right to want her to live with him one day. If she’s abusing pills…there’s a national data bank where every Dr, hospital, and pharmacy can see what medicine she’s getting, when, and from where. Dr hopping doesn’t work very well anymore. Hospitals give a handful of pain pills so once a month, she sure isn’t taking much at all. Maybe sit and talk with HER about her pain and try to find her a pain management Dr if its bad…but talking to the ex…thats just dirty
He needs to get her into rehab.
I will admit that I’m addicted to pain meds but I’m working with my doctor to get me off of them. I do have chronic pain in my back. I have had 2 back surgeries. It’s hard.
She needs help, but first she needs to admit it. The moving in thing, I would tell him no.
You can’t make anyone see anything they don’t want to see
You can’t he has to see it himself this is not going to get better
Do not let her move in, no matter what! That’ll be the end of both of you. Your husband knows his mother has a problem. He has a good heart and loves his mother. He probably feels guilty and responsible for her since he’s the only person she has. Guilt is a powerful manipulation tactic. He must be convinced to get her professional help. Speak to a therapist who specializes in addiction, they may be able to help you navigate through this.
Detox center then off to rehab
Don’t let move in .If he insists she does make sure you have your stuff packed to go.
If indeed she had that problem for some 30 years it will be hard to break it alone.
Can’t he see that she might cause him his job?
Clearly he doesn’t get it that she moves from hospital to hospital?That should tell him something. He is in denial just like her. I wish you luck.Getting tangled with a mother and a sun who refuses to see is a sticky situation.
Not about changing him. You have to decide if you will change for him. It’s his mom. Choose your boundaries
It’s not your place to do so (convince your husband). It is your place to keep yourself safe and that means boundaries and consequences. I’d say mil moving in might be a marriage deal breaker and if hubby has a problem with that he needs to seek psych help. With psych help me may be gently guided to open his eyes and learn to set his own boundaries. Just care for yourself and good luck.
Ask the doctors for a history of her “illnesses” and hopefully he’ll see it
I understand it’s his mom but when your husband married you… He supposed to leave his mother and yoke to his wife…
Suggest her rehab and see where that leads cause if she’s all you say for 30 years. Her liver can’t take much more abuse… Her pains are more than likely are withdrawals.
But I agree on not letting her move in but seek her a safe place to be.
I wonder if it was your mother what u would have done
She might have an actual condition
He’s the only child ,and she took care of him all by herself ,and you want to cause crap between them . Stop making it a competition between you ,and her . Love her like a mother ,and help your husband get her the help she needs .
I’m sure he sees it but it’s his mother and probably doesn’t know what to do … The hospitals probably see it too js
Unless it directly affects you leave it be
You won’t be able to make him see what he doesn’t want to. Hold your ground do not let her move in.
A lot of people know their family member has an addiction, but nothing is done about it until the damage is done and sometimes it’s irreversible. If she has been abusing pills for years, then she needs help… the people saying leave it be must not have seen the consequences of ignoring a problem like this. Try to talk to your husband about it and explain that you are concerned for her. Lay out the facts so it’s hard to deny it and then have a plan to go forward with trying to help her… This is his mom. She needs your love and help, not to be alienated from him because of this problem.
He sees, but is just not ready to admit it
So there might be 2 ways of doing this. One is having your husband take over as her caregiver/responsible for her health because she is not able to care for herself (we know that isn’t true, but get her to sign it off so he has access to talking to doctors and see what meds she is prescribed). Option 2 would be seeking counseling for the mother. That may open avenues to get someone to officially right down what she is thinking and concerns she has (this will allow doctors to know if she is having any negative thoughts or doing anything illegal and can take care of it from there).
Talk to the mother in law if you are on good terms with her , tell her how you feel , how it is effecting you both. Tell her you will be there for her to help her seek the help that she needs , best of luck with everything
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I make my husband see his mother has an addiction?
My step mom was an RN super addicted to pain pills percs etc always abusing them and high out of her mind on them , it got so bad she started shooting up morphine at work. Got caught. Was about to lose her nursing license. Had a court date etc. on top of that my dad was leaving her so she took a whole bottle of percs and hung herself commit suicide in august 2016. Really should address the problem before it escalates how it did in my step moms case.
Get he’s Dad to communicate with he’s son. If they have a good relationship and hes Dad doesn’t talk bad about he’s mum then he should be able to listen and see.
Is this a page for mothers or to complain about Mother’s In laws ? Lol .
Whatever you do never let her move into your house and I mean it . It will be the end of your marriage plus you don’t need that around the kids.
Unfortunately i hate to say this but you can’t and won’t. Like you said hes the only child. So just like the addict hes been enabling. Its all he knows. You wont be able to do it. He has to do it on his own. Good luck though
You marry the man and his family. It is what it is. He is an only child so yes she expects to move in. You could look for a great nursing home, help her find a over 50 community full of like minded people (she might meet Mr. Right) something for her to get involved in other than her baby boy. Call the ER and let them know your thoughts they will list her as a drug seeker. Once she’s cut off from the supplyget her some help. If you love your husband you will help him with his mom.
That’s the thing, until he’s ready to open his eyes and see it for himself, nothing that you say or do is going to change it. I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s the truth. Just shield your kids from it as much as you can until then.
If you try to force him to see what he doesn’t for himself you’re going to make him resent you. It’s better to stay out of it.
Be sympathetic about it to him not angry and it is her fault It is her fault but you need to be kind even if you don’t feel like it…
If this has been going on for 30 years, your husband may not see it because to him, her actions are “normal” or medically concerning.
I would have his Dad and you try to have a conversation with him. I’d say something like, “I’m worried about your Mom and her constant hospital visits. I truly hope I’m wrong, but I believe she may be going to seek out pain pills. Maybe for her pain, but also maybe for an addiction. I see how much you love your Mother and would do anything for her. I also hate to see her in so much pain…medically or addiction related. I don’t know if you’ve seen anything that we’ve seen over the years, but if she is addicted to pills, I’d love to support both her and you through getting some help.”
Then, let him respond. If he completely denies, I’d ask him to try to keep an open mind for a little while to see if he sees what you guys see.
Velia Rodriguez. Can you suggest anything to her??
It always takes a tragedy for others to see it. (IMO)
Example… God forbid mom’s ever babysitting and blacks out and the kids hurt themselves…
I see it as you really don’t know if your husband mom has medical problems. Your husband needs to speak to the Doctors about her. Find out if there are any problems. I don’t think a Doctor would admit anyone over and over again if there weren’t some sort of problems. Do not be jealous of his mom or you will probably end up by yourself. If she has to move in then it’s also your husbands home and he will probably have the final say. What would you do if it were your mom ?
If she has a family physician, notify you them if they allow it. You can’t ask questions but may voice your concerns. The hospital shopping is a big clue. Next time she is hospitalized voice your concern
Stroke symptoms don’t require pain pills. Maybe something else is going on
When they run out of pills they can get their daily dose if they get admitted.
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It’s a drug addiction
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He’s her enabler
She needs professional help to get over the addiction.
You can make ur husband aware of it but the MIL will not seek help until she hits rock bottom…MIL has to seek the help
Stay out of it, that’s his mom. Rather or not if she is “manipulating” him at the end of the day she obviously has a problem.
I’d go with him next time she takes her to the hospital and speak to her Drs. Infront of him. I wouldn’t make it obvious but I would forsure mention the prior visit and ask if it’s related.
Do not allow her to move in with you, under any circumstances. “No” is a full sentence.
I would suggest that instead of more pain meds you discuss with your husband the option for pain management. She will be completely against it is she is addicted, but it might help get get your husband on board to consider.
If your husband doesn’t see that there is a problem with his mother, then you probably will not be able to make him see. What you should concentrate on is making sure that he does not move her into the home that you and he share.
Can you say to him what you have said here to us? Say it kindly and with concern. He should then speak to her and let her know he believes she has an addiction. Communication is key.
My mom is 55 and has had a stroke. It is possible she may have had one before.
Likely he does. Deep down
But what do you expect to happen when he does see? That would be more the question because sickness is sickness and unfortunately most families of addicts fall sick with them, enabling the behavior and trying to “love them sober”.
I would think long and hard about what the expectations of “seeing” are for you and know that even if he sees and admits she’s a manipulative addict he will likely want to help her all the same.
She needs to go into an adult inpatient detox unit at a psychiatric hospital. It will be several days of hell for her, but it will be well worth it in the long run. From a detox unit she would need to go into a 28 day program to become totally clean. Being admitted to a medical hospital on a monthly basis is a huge red flag, and trust me, her being 50 is not that old. The drugs take a toll on her and can cause all kinds of kidney and liver problems. I know what I am talking about as I work in such a facility, as a nurse, and have taken care of patients as young as 19 and as old as 80. Addiction is a real illness just like any other but unfortunately for years there has been too much stigmatism with addictions, whether it is pills like narcotics, crack cocaine, heroin, even alcohol, and especially for new drugs like fentanyl that can be laced with anything imaginable. If she doesn’t, an overdose could occur. Talk to your husband openly and honestly so his mom can get the help she deserves and needs.
Stand your ground…do not let her move in with you…
Go to the hospital also. And pull the Dr to the side and tell them to red flag her for pain killers.
I have a very similar medical issue to what your mother in law seems to have. I was having stroke symptoms for several years, going to the ER, being told nothing was wrong. Turned out the myelin coating around the nerves in my brain was being stripped due to eating very processed foods and gluten. Since giving up gluten and most packaged foods, I’ve been fine. I’m not saying it’s the same thing but don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions.
Pain pills are extremely addictive. After several years your brain can stop helping your body make natural oxytocin, which is our body’s way of “feeling good.” Definitely sounds addicted and that’s super sad. I would just speak it out loud to him, not when he’s upset about something, just try to be as kind as possible. Say things a positive way “your mom seems like she’s better today! I wish she would take less of her medication because it can cause even more problems.” Or something like that. Make sure it’s genuine for him to believe your concern. Or just ask, “Do you think your mom takes too much of her medication? I know she’s in a lot of pain. I heard that there’s some yoga classes around and I feel like that may help with pain.” You know the situation the best, sometimes it takes awhile to get a hard conversation out, but it’s always worth it in the end. You don’t want to end up with her living in your home when she’s 50 years old. That’s not even old to me. All these problems can be solved with exercise and physical therapy, spas… etc.
hopefully your husband will start getting the hints, and I believe he will if you mention it. Sometimes you just need to plant the seed for people who are in denial. They’ll come to their realization.
I don’t think they give pain killers to stroke patients. My bf dad has had 2 and he never got sent home with anything like that. Blood thinners and cholesterol meds.
My brother is 35 and has had 4 strokes… Strokes don’t care about your age
I thought my mom was addicted for a very long time…multiple trips to hospital and they never found anything and she was always sick…DO YOU KNOW WHY? Because they wasnt running the right test I assume when she go in they just done the normal ER test like blood work etc. This went on for years .Then they decided to do surgery on her for a hernia she had for years that was getting bigger…when they opened her up for surgery SHE WAS ATE UP WITH CANCER…They missed it all them years of ER visits Dr visits…she passed away at age 52…so sometimes the person is sick and not addicted!! We just judge wrong!!
Maybe report her to the local hospitals in the areas that she goes to. They can and should communicate with each other to figure that out as a team of medical professionals. They would blacklist her from receiving those types of medications. Honestly, the hospitals would have a hand in getting her referrals for the help she needs. If he is taking her to these appointments, it would be impossible for him to continue living with this denial that his mother doesn’t have an addiction. It would change the entire narrative. Anonymous reporting can save lives.
How many hospitals can she be going to? Most of them would pick up on if she keeps revisiting them? And what meds is she even getting most hospital even doctors don’t really prescribe pain meds like that anymore. Maybe go with her to see her family doctor or find her a pain management doctor. Maybe she has something and hasn’t been diagnosed right. You never know.
He’s known her his entire life if he doesn’t know it by now you’re wasting your breath
Ok I see your point but if she is admitted for a suspected stroke 1 the crew wouldn’t take her unless its a real thought of theirs 2 she would have to be a dam good actress 3 they don’t normally give pain killers for a stroke unless its asprin which she can buy over the counter anyway and 4 her doctors should of picked up on her being taken to hospital so many times for this reason is it possible that actually she did suffer each of those times and tia had happened? ( tia are mini strokes that are basically a warning sign and people can have them and recover from them quite quickly)
Does she get prescription pain medication from a doctor? If so, call that doctor and voice your opinion and also call all hospitals. Two times I have let a hospital know some thing about someone, they took me seriously and all worked out well.
All i can say is don’t be so quick to judge her. It’s possible that there is something really wrong with her but she has not been diagnosed correctly yet. I can understand not wanting her to move in with you, but don’t just assume that she is faking and manipulating. Maybe you could drive her to appts and to the er’s. Try to love his mother as tho she were your own, because never ask a grown man to pick between his mother or his wife. Just try to be the daughter in law you would want to have in future years. I’ll pray for your family!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I make my husband see his mother has an addiction?
There is nothing you can do about her, but you can do something for yourself. Look for a AlAnon group or a NarAnon group in your area. Go to some meetings, you are not alone!
Tell the Drs and nurses and pharmacies. You may save her life. That’s what I did and tried to save my sister. Someone has to care enough and love enough to step up.
Honey you start praying for his eyes to be opened to her and that she needs to be in a rehabilitation for drug abuse. Your in my prayers 
He knows it and needs to being his thoughts of addiction to the docs. She needs help but he does also. Good luck
I have had a stroke and was not given pain pills. I have a friend whose wife was in and out of hospitals many times because she was in a lot of pain. Long story short, it wasn’t until the day she died that the Drs. found out she had a Brain Tumor. I don’t know if your MIL is a addict or not but I wouldn’t jump to conclusions. If she is, until she admits that she is, I don’t think there is anything you can do to help her.
Try AlAnon. They are very helpful to the families of addicts and alcoholics. They will help him see that enabling his mother is hurting instead of helping her. He has to set boundries so she doesn’t take him and you down with her. He is not responsible for her rescue. She makes those choices and she alone has to have the consequences if she is ever to have a better life. Been there.
Sadly I have watched many older ladies go down darker and darker paths to get pain meds. Even purposely falling. Dental stuff too.
There is really nothing you can do. He has to do this on his own. Just be there for him. My sister lived with me and was addicted to pain pill. She was mean and hurtful when on them. I could get her kids to see this. You can talk till your blue in the face
He needs to have it hit him over the head. That’s is all you can do
Best of Luck to you and your husband.
He needs therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. He’s an enabler and he’s controlled by guilt. He needs to learn how to set boundaries for himself so his mother can’t continue to guilt him in to dealing with her addiction.