What do I do/say to my husband? We have two small children, and he works all day (as do I), but the second he’s done working, he starts playing video games on his laptop until our older child goes to bed. Every other night after our older child goes to bed, I go to bed alone, and he stays up very late playing video games. Sure he helps intermittently with parenting, but he’s unavailable for talking to me or helping very much. I’ve expressed that I don’t like this at all, and it’s not making a difference. What do I do?!
Disconnect the internet
Show him that there are consequences for his actions
Walk out with the damn video game that will get his attention…
Tell him your having a girls night out and leave
Ive been there n still am there sadly…my s/o doesnt even work at the moment…ive tried all of the above suggestions n still have gotten no where…im really growing tired of it myself…i feel like im not heard or a priority to him cuz everything an everyone comes b4 me…i wish i had some sort of secret advise but like u im at a loss on wut to do
Just leave make dinner dates with friends. When he complains let him know you need someone to talk too. You need a break too.
My heart aches for you. I’m sure it feels quite lonely and overwhelming and unequal. I would recommend hiring a sitter and making dinner reservations if your community has allowed restaurants to remain open. It’d be neutral ground and also he’d have to step away from the Xbox or PlayStation for a bit. You two could focus on your marriage–on the two of you. You could suggest a compromise to him, like scheduling his game nights a few nights a week, and also schedule a few nights a week where he will watch the kids while you do something for you–yoga, wine and paint night with your besties, etc. I hope something like that helps.
Sounds like he has no love or need for you or children…get a hint
Tell him this is why women leave their husbands
Leave him with the kids, take the game console, the router and go out for you time
You are already a single parent. Dump him.
He is obviously not choosing you or your children… He is checking out of real life and his responsibilities as a father and husband. I am sure he has many excuses such as he works all day in a physical way and needs to decompress or is to tired or whatever… Make him understand you don’t need him but that you are still trying to choose him. Continue doing it yourself for any amount of time that you choose and are comfortable with, inform him of this action before you start your countdown. If things don’t change on his end by then end of the time frame set keep doing it yourself without him altogether. You seem to try to want to include him but he chooses other ‘priorities’. Stand up for what you need and require in your relationship, if he can’t supply these things you are better off without him.
Go out to dinner once a week or so with friends. Leave him the responsibility of getting the kids dinner and bed that night. But mutually pick the night that works best for you both. Then pick a date night at home, one night a week, where you both watch a movie, spend some alone time. Even if it has to be after the kids go to bed. If he can’t agree to that then I’d say tell him and his laptop to get out.
Tell him if you both can’t work AND do house stuff, then you will quit your job and do house stuff 24/7. He can get a second job to make up the difference. Obviously thats what he wants right ?? You to do 100% of the house stuff, so he can’t do 100% of the money stuff. Sounds fair to me.
Sounds like you married a child.
I recorded him playing video games and told him I’m sending it to his mom, then he went from playing all night and working all day ( from home(which means he played all day too) to quitting cold turkey!! I’d give it time it will pass!
Unfortunately most men don’t help
I am not a quitter type person, trust me I put up with more than I should have for 16 years but I’m telling you, he will not change. As much as you want him to, unless he wants to, he will not.
Put the kids to sleep and then stand in front of the dam TV naked
I left my daughter’s father because of this. He worked all day, but I took care of our baby all day and all night. The last straw was when I asked him to watch her so I could shower really quick, when I got out she was crying hysterically in her swing and he was playing a game on his computer. I was livid, we left him that weekend. No regrets moving on.
I have heard and seen this before no matter how many times u tell.him it wont sink in u either take it or leave it. It’s that simple if youve had enough leave
Leave him for the night let him handle everything… then have discussion
Yes agree with above. He will never help unless he sees it a different way. It sounds bad but either leave with everyone but him for a weekend. Maybe with no deadline told to him but just to a friend or family member or leave him with everything for the night. It really does help.
Time for marriage counseling. He either needs to step up or be prepared to lose the life he’s become accustomed to.
One on one conversation , you need a date night to plug in /check in with each other , OR you can turn off the wifi?!
Hide the laptop and shut off the wifi. When he behaves like an adult, husband, and father, he will stop getting punished like a xhild.
Make plans to go somewhere and leave kids with him
Most men dont wake up one day being hyper focused on video games. I’d bet he was a gamer before she got pregnant or in the beginnings of their relationship. It’s hard to believe this is something that just began. She married this guy - that’s his interest. She either excepts him or explains she needs a man and not a boy. This is the only way she’ll know what he values. Effort shows interest.
Be honest. And be patient. He won’t change over night. Sit him down, don’t talk while he is playing. Write a list of your daily responsibilities, next to it write an honest list of what he does daily. Point out that yours is a mile long and his is just working. Having a visual list may help him to really see how unbalanced it is. Tell him that he has to help you create more balance in your relationship or else the imbalance is going to create problems in your marriage. Be clear about how you feel but don’t be aggressive, approach it as a problem you guys need to solve together, not in a way that makes him feel attacked.
Team work and balance. If he thinks otherwise leave him the 2 kids for the night…
He knows you need help. And he should want to help you! Talk to him about it.
Join him just constantly hound for a turn on the game.role reversal?
Literally grab your things and leave for a whole evening after work. Let him handle everything alone.
It explains how and why you feel what you feel
You need to be validated in your feelings.
Take the lap top haha. Well I would tell him look we are supposed to be a team. You need to help. & if that doesn’t work take the lap top
Ask to play with him. Talk while you’re playing. One of the things my husband and I had in common(when we were dating) is video games. We play and talk when the kids go to bed. Sometimes gaming is stress relief for us. Had a bad day shoot a virtual bad guy. Now if you’ve talked to him and he doesn’t want to help with the kids tell him you’re stretched to thin and if he doesn’t help then you want to get a nanny.
We set up specific game nights so one of us can have some time to zone out and focus on our games, or other hobbies. Not like a regulated schedule. But more of a distresser after work on some days. Sometimes it takes a few nights in a row to fully decompress for us.
It may take starting off with other examples here of taking a night off and having him handle it and sitting down and having a discussion.
But coming from a gaming couple we know that we need to be parents first then still find a moment to be ourselves and just find that balance.
I was having this issue with my husband for a little while and honestly I just learned to speak up and be firm about needing help and time for him to communicate with just me. Once we had a clear discussion on each other’s wants and needs everything became much easier and I got the time I was craving.
Tell him that it’s irresponsible, immature, and lazy to leave you with the kids all the time while he sits around ignoring you and the kids playing his game. He should want to spend time with his family. Tell him no more games until both children are sleeping. My husband loves to play Xbox, but he only does after the kids bedtime. Yeah, your husband works and needs to relax, but so do you. He can play after the kids are asleep for the night, he r not at all is what you should tell him.
Maybe he’s the breadwinner? If thats his way of relaxing then let him be. You say he helps. It’s just not the amount YOU want.
Change the wifi password, go out that night lesving him with the kids without leaving out any supper prepared?
Unpopular opinion: go batshit crazy on him about it.
Sometimes you gotta give them a taste of their own medicine for them to get it. Let him handle all you do for just one night. Leave the house, turn off the phone. Yea hes gonna be mad, but so what? That’s the only way they see what all you go through sometimes.
Talk to him instead of facebook about marital issues.
As the wife of a gamer I will say this… it used to bother me. Then one day I realized that he was this same way from day 1 and I chose to marry and have a child with him. I realized if I didn’t like it, I should’ve not accepted it from day 1 and not tried to make him change later. I also realized that while he’s not available as much as I’d prefer, he’s also home and not out being unavailable for me while being available for someone else. Plain and simple, don’t even attempt to change him. Compromise with him. Come up with a plan that works for you and present it to him. Like maybe he can come home and unwind on his game for an hour but then you want 2 hours of his undivided attention that he focuses on you and your kids or you want him to wait until your one child goes to bed before he games again. He needs to know you’re trying to work with him and not nag him. Once a gamer, always a gamer. That’s called acceptance.
Go about your business an just be thankful he leaves you alone!
When he gets home inform him you have to go out for the night and that dinner is in the oven and leave. When he calls completely lost in what to do then let him know that’s how you feel and need him to step up and be Dad and help you his children.
Tell him in the morning before work that you want a meeting after dinner and that you come before gaming and put a note on the tv reminder adult meeting with your wife and if he ignores you then next night puck up the kids from school and go out to dinner just you and the kids no hubby.
When he gets mad ask him do you want to have our meeting now if he says no just walk away, go watch tv, when he gets hungry and discovers your not feeding him he might start to get a clue.
Tell him you want a meeting the next morning for after work, if he plops down in front of the game again then you and the kids go out again without dad and do not bring him anything back. Then ask are you ready to talk now if he says no than ignore him
My mom would pack up and go on vacation and leave him with all 4 kids for a week. He appreciated her so much more when she’d get back
2days our of week he needs to not be in game mode
Have him help on his days off or stop cleaning
And cooking all together.
It will irritate and make him realize how much u do
Make life easier but plastic utensils and paper plates
Set one day for laundry instead of everyday… leave clothes on couch for a few days
Eat out or order in a lot more
It’s not just that he’s not cleaning at all
He’s neglecting u
So it’s a bigger issue
He’s addicted to gaming
If wants a relationship with u he can’t game 24/7
U didn’t marry him so he can be an irresponsible teenager.ur not his mother.
It’s time address if he’s going to be accountable or just get used to this life😐
I also have a gamer at home but he has priorities and helps and only plays few days a week and not all damn day. I don’t feel neglected and we share the chores. If a man wants to be a team player to make u happy … he will do it
Go out for a day of your own and have him take the children to understand what you go through everyday
I have to do this I take care of 3 handsome boys 11 yrs 6yrs 1yrs and sometimes things get so crazy and he let’s me take the car and I’m gone for hours doing what ever I need to do for my self and when. I return my husband is losing his mind
Ugggghhh I have this issue with my man and his ps4. Lol. Have him pick a time. You’ll either have to go to bed alone, or get no help. Gaming is his thing, his release. As soon as he gets home he should be playing with his kids, asking about the day, yada yada. Playing with them while you make dinner or vice versa. I don’t know your children’s ages but bath times? I’m mean really he should be helping you. Do you guys get home at the same time? He needs to be present in the evening for sure. then give him a time limit on week days of like an hour and a half or something but you don’t want to go to bed alone.
i guess trade him in if u dont like this mode men are like busses onr come every fifteenth min u dont like it leave if ur afaird to ve alonr deal with it
Go out and let him look after the kids.
Do NOT tolerate being taken advantage of.
I never get adult men/women playing video games for hours like grow the F up and live in the real world specially if you have kids a wife/husband I mean come on plus is it like a American thing because I’m in the uk and don’t hear much about gaming
My husband and I made a deal. He gets on his game 3 of the 7 days of the week, and only after our son is in bed. I told him as a husband and father he should be spending more time with his family than on his game. It’s been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and we are in a better place.
He is hiding. Doesn’t matter the activity. Though with the games, I would ask him how he wants his children to see that hours spent on that one thing will yield anything for anyone in the family. And face it, if he’s hiding, you aren’t getting what you need outside of the kids either. Don’t settle, don’t be afraid to push back, it’s your only life.
Wives and moms, you are all way to patient. If you enable him to do this all these years he will continue to do it. It depends on what you want, but i expect parenthood to be a balance of both helping out. I would set expectations, go to counseling and then if it doesn’t change leave for a few days/ week if that doesn’t work . You all deserve more!! Good luck!!
Tell him how you feel. I don’t care what any woman says. He helped make them and he lives there too. He can get off his butt and help. You work too and should not be taking the entire burden of being an adult. It is time for him to fully grow up and take on his half of the responsibilities.
You get what you tollerate.
You get what you allow.
He doesn’t have depression or issues. He is just lazy and does not want to be a parent. He is also spoilt because you the mother have allways done everything. Stop spoiling and enabling them!
One of my best friends went through a similar situation a few years ago with her husband. Not to say this is what’s going on in your case, but her husband was having an affair with another woman through one of his video games. I would encourage couples counseling for both of your sakes. Best of luck!
I wish i could come home and play video games i do but my kids and family always come first. Honestly your S.O needs a wake up call because that’s not ok. I come home and help with dinner as need get kids ready for bed, finish hw, whatever needs to be done then if my SO is doing her own thing then so will I, but kids family first not his own thing.
Mine watch alot of sports but ensure that his share of the house work is done be it before or after watching. So no complaints here! You just need to talk it out and have a plan in place. Maybe your husband doesn’t know what you are going through. Marriage is all about sharing mutually. If you cannot share even your thoughts then it should end.
I work boyfriend works when he comes home right to his “room” after he greets our son , then I cook dinner no help sometimes he will play with our son sometimes not he’s so into movies it’s on real!
Today I worked 3 pt cleaning jobs he spent 88 percent of the time in his room ( my son had friends over ) but every weekend is like that! I’m home during the day have my son and boyfriends daughter 8 hours plus during the day then work 7 days a week! I pay for all the food, kids clothes, entertainment for them etc etc! He thinks he deserves to relax all day! I don’t think so we bicker about this often he will
Change his ways for maybe 24 hours or the dam tablet I would like to throw it across the room!
I am on the same boat, except hes on his video game as soon as I clock out from work (work from home). I’ve thought about smashing the Playstation several times
All i can say is I’m glad i have the man i have been together over 20 yrs .he goes to work everyday …comes home spends time with his boys and i and we watch tv together till bed …he don’t even play video games so im lucky there
Maybe you and him could play games together for a couple of hours, once or twice a week. You have a day to yourself, and your husband has a day to himself. We all need to do our own self-care.
Honestly, i know how he feels. That said…tell him directly. Tell him to save games until after daughter goes to bed
Sounds like it’s time for a mom chart. With my hubby, its seldom he actually comes home and doesnt do a chore. The only problem is the stuff he wants to do doesnt help me at all. Like he wants to do yard work and work on his boat organize his tools stuff like that. So I give him a few minutes to decompress. Then I hand him the baby and walk out of the room and go do what I want. He got his decompress then it’s time for mine. When i come back hes ready to do what he wants to do. I tell him what time I need help, what’s for dinner, what I didnt get to yet and say, ok come back in at xx:xx time so you can help with this this and this. If your husband cant handle that, Make a chart and point to it. Lol
Sounds a lot like my ex-husband. Real men don’t play games, at least they don’t play before the kids and household things are done first. I wouldn’t tolerate it. And I’d be checking to make sure that’s all he’s doing when he’s up all night playing.
I would advise couples therapy. I had that problem with my ex and it ended badly. If you wanna save it talk about it with a professional bc obviously your words are not getting through to him and that’s going yup cause more friction and upset
Stop doing everything…i have a special needs child…my husband never did anything…he never knew any of her medical history…UNTIL i made him look stupid…we often go to different dr.s with my daughter for different things…when the nurse would turn to me and ask me for her history I’d tell her…ask him…he would answer her name…then a blank…idk…idk…idk…so after doing this a few times he started to pay attention…he can tell u all of her dr.s…she has many…and tell u all of her disabilities…she has many…and thanks be to God…only on 3 meds…so stop doing every single thing…he will notice…ask him to help…dont demand…ask him to pitch in…
I go through the same thing with my husband daily and instead of games it’s working on his car. It’s like we don’t matter at all and no matter how many times we talk it’s still the same crap. We are just as bad because we allow it though
We just came to the conclusion do it after kids are in bed because if he does it when they are awake he isn’t attentive at all and gets sucked into it
I put a child with a poopy diaper on his lap and told him to change it. And while he is was at it, change his hobbies. I told him you have a real life and grown up responsibilities. Love your games or love us. Players choice. My hubby manned up. He is a rare breed. But with that being said… I am crystal clear about what my life will look like.
Gaming is sometimes an escape for those suffering from depression
Clearly and calmly tell him what you need him to do. Make a list for him even. Sometimes they just need to be told what to do. Lol.
That’s a reason a divorced my husband. Just so lazy, unavailable emotionally and always on his Playstation
Im the gamer in my small family. It’s my escape from my head. My old man is a movie fanatic. Here is how we make this work : we take care of home and baby together none of that you do this and i did that then we game together for a little bit and after we watch a movies till bed.
If he wants to play games and be take. Care of give him mommy’s address. Now if he wants to be a partner and a parent it’s time to step up. You are helping him not have to pull all the financial burden it’s time for him to help with the family
When he comes home sneak out for the night and let him deal with the kids
This exact same thing ruined my first marriage, put your foot down now or it will only irritate you to the point of no return.
Guess I got a unicorn. My old man works, cooks, spends time with us, and he is a balls to the wall gamer. Plays every day. Sorry to see these ladies with these issues. Sometimes men are who they are from the beginning though and only get found out until time and effort has already been put into the relationship. I just asked my husband though and he says a lot of dudes play all the time due to depression or because their SO not bringing something to the table. So you really won’t know unless you make the effort to communicate and see what’s up. It’s definitely an effort on both people’s part. It’s a hard thing measure without talking to one another.
Know your role thay ladies insane. Living this life sucks! I’ve been there! I did infact get divorced after 6 years of it. I dont regret leaving a man who was never an active part and who neglected me and the kids.
You could make plans one night let him tend the kids for a bit he’ll go to bed maybe lol
Sit down and talk to your husband and explain your feelings and what you expect of him because I lost my husband April 15th of this year I would do anything to have him back we had our ups and down but he was my best friend my soulmate so just sit down and talk to your husband
After 22 years of the same, mine told me he didn’t love me and hadn’t for 5 years. I feel so used. Don’t become me, 47 starting over.
And that’s why my ex husband is an ex
He will do it, just giving 6 months. My husband is the same
Mines 58 I don’t have that issue
But u better put your foot down
My husband knows better haha. You tell him you didn’t make these kids yourself and to get off his ass and help you.
If You can’t communicate are you really right for each other
How about taking damn controllers away
You give him time out and say sorry but your not spending all night you get x amount of time and if he doesnt listen kick his ass out
I’d take the power cord and tell him he can have it back when he becomes the husband and father y’all need him to be. But… I’m a jerk like that.
Beat him to the video games ask him what’s for supper, do everything he does. If it doesn’t work leave him because it’s to late.
Mine did this at first when we first got married. I told him if he wanted to b alone with his video games I could just leave. That I got married to have a partner. Someone to spend time with. But I could also b single again… He quickly got it and never did it again. To this day he will ask me if he can play some video games, or if he can buy a game. I always tell him that’s fine. He can play it once in a while just not all the time.
Video game addiction is a very real issue. These people need help because I have seen a friend of mine throw away all the gaming stuff and dude lost it on her then went out and bought all new stuff using their joint account.
Turn off the WiFi and hide his machine lol