Basically anytime I tell my partner how I feel when I’m stressed, depressed or just drained he says I’m stressing him out. Then he leaves to the other room for hours. For a whole year now I have always been the one to throw my feelings aside and say sorry for stressing him out just so we can be good again. It’s draining me and no I can’t physically leave him due to living together, looking for work, and 2 kids. So how exactly can I make him understand that how I feel matters and it’s for a good reason. I feel like I do so much with our toddler and baby plus cooking, cleaning and making sure he’s fed as well. I get stressed or overwhelmed sometimes and definitely he sees it and tells me I’m stressing him because I’m stressing I just want to feel understood because my intentions aren’t to make him feel stressed. I don’t even feel like talking to him about my feelings anymore.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I make my partner understand my feelings are valid? - Mamas Uncut
Sounds like a narcasist xx
Narcissistic behavior. Say buh bye…
You both are probably equally as stressed. Try some couples therapy and learn some stress coping mechanisms.
He understands he just doesn’t want to hear you complain. And that’s why he does that.
And sounds like a narcissist.
Find absolutely any way you can to leave him.
Even if you have to move in with family. Take someone with you to get your stuff because he will only make a scene if you’re alone. If you got witnesses he won’t. Part of the thing about narcissists, is that their reputation is what they care about most.
You dont. You can’t make anyone, anything. Try dating someone who meets your standards
I feel you. I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s hard bc expressing feelings shouldn’t be so hard. Esp. To our spouses/partner. I feel the same and do not know the solution but I was thinking how I didn’t feel like talking about my feelings to him anymore too… but then it is us that sufferers internally bc those issues fester and need to be fixed.
Why do some woman think they can’t make it on their own without a man?
You can’t make him understand. You’ve tried, he doesn’t care. You’ve had conversations with him, but he’s not actively listening. He is one of those people who think that no one else can be stressed or depressed or upset. I bet when he’s feeling some sort of way, you do whatever you can to help him. He does the opposite. You’re in a one-way relationship and those never work out.
You say you can’t physically leave, but you can. It just takes some time and planning. It sounds like it’s time to start planning.
That sounds awful. I would have a conversation again and let your partner know “hey. I am feeling depressed, stressed, etc. I would appreciate it if you could give me x-amount of time to take a warm bath or warm shower” or “hey I am feeling really depressed lately. I could really use some help with x, y, and z”. I would verbalize to him what HE could do to support and help you. There are a lot of guys that don’t really know what to do or how to respond to things like this but it could be beneficial if you ask him for something that would ease your mind a bit or at least take one thing off of your plate. I would recommend looking into counseling too - it might be good for you. In addition to that, how old are your two kids? New studies and evidence have shown that postpartum depression can come on up to two years postpartum. I would honestly go see your obgyn if you are within that timeframe - or if you aren’t, I’d look into a psychiatrist. I know many individuals that utilize anti-depressants/anxiety medication and it does help them 
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. You shouldn’t have to go through it alone.
This is as good as it gets, he thinks your feelings are the problem and unless he changes how he looks at things it’s only going to get worse before he walks out on you. There are organizations to help you get out, there is child support and job training. You deserve more than someone who walks out of the room on you.
Dump his ass. Don’t look back. You don’t get the time back that you waste begging someone to listen. My ex and I did counseling. Both by ourselves and together. His mental health problems were always more important than mine the way I felt was always dismissed. I woke up one day and didn’t even recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. Take your life back.
You CAN LEAVE. That was an excuse for YEARS!!! Don’t let your mental health suffer cause of him . I swear if this is how he treats you it will only get worse
You can’t ever make it work! You get yourself a job or find some assistance finding a place and get out!!
Its because ur still doing things while saying how ur feeling go on strike he will get the message men need to be told and see what ya say so defo go on strike he will get the message
Don’t try to change him. It makes it worse. He is who he is so now you just have to deal with it alone or move on. They don’t change unless they want to.
I get this. I seem to absorb the energy of people I love and sometimes have to remove myself from the general vicinity.Especially of it seems to be going on and any help I have offered has been dismissed. We don’t need both of us overwhelmed.
Try journaling, join some mom groups.
Raising kids is a hard job that often seems unappreciated. It’s not. Rewards come later.
It’s ok to rest and skip the chores sometimes. Hugs.
Get a new partner, obviously.
How does he respond if you tell him what you need from him instead? Like hey can you watch the kids while I go take a shower or a nap or xyz? Maybe he just doesn’t know how to “fix it” so he’s avoiding it instead. Does the have anxiety or depression himself and not handling it well?
I would talk to your primary care about your feelings and if you’re ok with medication there might be something to help you. Also I would see if he’ll go to a couples therapist because he can’t just shut down when you express your feelings. If it doesn’t work then you can do it on your own! Good luck.
He’s gaslighting you 100%. Stop letting him guilt you as soon as he tries to turn it, stand up & tell him, “You do NOT get to take my struggles & make this about you!” Then YOU be the one to walk out of the room. DEMAND the respect you deserve.
Why is validation so important to this generation. It’s needy and very dependent. Depending on others for our happiness. Is really an odd thing.
Why is it ok for you to be stressed out by your daily life… but he can’t be stressed out by you.
Never depend on a man, financially or emotionally.
I would call his mama, I swear if my son grows up treating women how they feel is invalid I would beat his ass. So I pray to God my sons wife/girlfriend would call me and tell me what a fine job I did raising him or what a horrible job. I’ve told my MIL that my husband is an amazing man/father and thank her for raising him to be a great man.
Set time out dedicated to talking about the issue together
You can’t make him care especially if he doesn’t. He sounds like a jerk. I would be telling him he stresses me out by not listening or caring so since you constantly give him what he wants maybe just once he could do the same for you. If it doesn’t change you can move on and be ok, you’re not stuck!
Stop letting him guilt you it’s time you get the respect you need it’s not your job to carry his crap
How are you telling him? Are you yelling? Cussing? Blaming him?
I feel you on this girl. I started journaling.
Honestly if it were me I’d start giving the cold shoulder
Well first things first…. You can’t MAKE any one do anything. So there’s that.
Love yourself first. Your a beautiful strong woman. You don’t need anyone to validate you! Just believe in yourself
Prayers.You might need to go to counseling to learn how to cope with this problem.
Learn that he doesn’t have to validate your feelings. I learned a long time ago the only one who cares about me is me. If I’m stressed I take a break now. House is a mess. Laundry isn’t done. Oh well. No clean socks. Not my problem. Take care of yourself. It’s obvious he isn’t going to give you the help you need. Eventually you’ll end up resenting him and find a way to leave
If he’s blaming you and putting your feelings on the back burner now, anything you say to try and make him understand is not going to work. I was with my ex for 9 years and he ALWAYS put my feelings on the back burner. We have 2 kids together. He would change for a week or two and then go back to doing the same thing. I left, after 9 years, and he did the same thing to his next baby momma. She left after 3 years. Now he’s got a “wife” who he married after meeting on TikTok and talking for 2 months. Point being, he hadn’t changed in 12 years and it’s a matter of time with this new chick. He’s a great manipulator! My best advise would be to try couples counseling. If he won’t, that says a lot about him and is a big red flag
You have spoiled him; just like a child. He needs discipline. Ha.
Maybe is the way your express yourself, try changing the “ tone “of the conversation, instead of complaining about being stress , tired etc . Just tell him what you need, like if you want him to watch the kids so you can take a shower or a walk to relax, try to find time to yourself as well
Your love for him is going to fade to nothing and you won’t care any more…then you’ll leave and he’ll be sorry but it’ll be too late
I definitely say counseling. It’s helped me SO MUCH!! I’ve been shifting my thinking. And building my self confidence and my self worth. And just that alone makes a huge difference. I validate me. It’s so much more peaceful. Still learning but it’s great. I recommend this for everyone.
My husband is like that. I’m supposed to listen to his complaining but he doesn’t want to hear mine!
You need to realize enough is enough , he is a big boy and he needs to treat you as an equal partner and accommodate your feeling s as such
Sounds like he can’t process your emotions. You should not make yourself small in order to make him comfortable. He needs to learn how to listen and process your emotions. Also if he isn’t processing your emotions, he isn’t processing his own.
Get out he won’t change things will get worse .
I know you said you can’t but you can there is help out there there’s HUD
Food stamps
And other help . You’re kids don’t need to be around that for sure .
Why are you with him? Soun
This was me for 7 years, now we’re getting divorced
Try scheduling a weekly meeting. Discuss Calendar, Finances, Projects, Wants and Needs. You’ll be surprised how much this weekly check in time can help you bond.
But he sounds overwhelmed, men aren’t taught how to deal with emotions. They’re taught to hide them, punch walls, escape from them. It’s sad. I feel for you.
I totally had an ex bf that was the same way, and he was the one who never had a job or did anything around the house only played video games and looked at p0rn and I’m sure other sketchy sh*t (cheating) while I worked. He’d rent video games and p0rn and never returned them on time so my bank account went in the shitter even though I canceled everything I had linked to my bank account he still was able to use it all (we weren’t EVER married). I hada bad day yesterday and just spilled my feelings to my husband while he was at work (we’ve been together 12.5 years and married 11.5 years) I met my husband about a year after the above douchebag broke up with me because I ran out of money, I’d tried to leave multiple times but was so under his spell it didn’t happen until he wanted it too. Anyway I text my husband that I’m sorry I can’t find or keep a normal job. I love to babysit and get screwed over because even with a contract people don’t pay, ghost me or other bs. I also actually told him I feel like a worthless wife, person and a help to him. And that I’m sure he could very easily do better than me and I don’t know what he sees in me. He text me back and said it’s OK he’s not stressing about money and he doesn’t want anyone else, he loves ME and US, he said you aren’t worthless…you keep the house very clean (besides the dog fur that is embedded in the carpet, we have 3 dogs including a black lab that never stops shedding LOL) and do the yard work so I don’t have to and can relax after 12 hours at work including shoveling in the winter, you always make sure a meal is ready for me when I get home, even when I say don’t worry about cooking. He always tells me he is proud of me no matter what. It was really weird at first going from one dynamic to another and took me a while to get out of the headspace the ex boyfriend had me in. My husband took everything very slowly with me in building our relationship and I was absolutely in shock at 6 months in when he asked my dad’s permission to marry me. 2 weeks after our 1 year anniversary we got married.
I think it’s unreasonable to expect 1 person to meet all of your needs. Figure out which needs you have that are deal breakers if he fails to meet them. Organise an exit strategy. I’m pretty sure there plenty of lovely people who would meet that need for you.
You can’t make him understand if he doesn’t want to.
You sure like the word stressed! Take a deep breath and get yourself some help. If that means professional help so be it. He’s the only one that can help him, sounds like he’s not looking to change!
Yall headed towards a divorce
He is a narcissist, look that up and then run as fast as you can and never take him back. Believe me he will never be anything else. RUN
He probably also has anxiety, but has no clue how to deal with it.
Ignore all of these women here commenting that “Your partner doesn’t need to care about how you feel”
We all know that Men like to complain but they don’t want to hear us voice our own frustrations/stress because suddenly we’re “Negative, or Ungrateful, Unappreciative”
NO! F that. You don’t need to be happy and content all of the time just so it’s “easier” for him to deal with you. Partners are supposed to listen and comfort each other equally.
I swear man, so many women lower their expectations so much. Men are not Gods Gift to women… And vice versa. You don’t have to settle to be treated like crap. Never forget that.
This was me and my ex husband. Anytime I said my feelings, no matter the tone, I was always told that I’m just bitching. So I just stopped telling him anything
People need to be happy for all God has done for them and don’t stress… Life is so short, make everyday a blessed day and thank God for giving you another day that you can get up and live Life to your fullest… There are no guarantees that tomorrow will even come. PRAY everyday for all you have and always know he is there to pick you up when you need him. God is good!!! Maybe you need to move on, but turn to God and he’ll help you, because he never will leave your side…
Stop focusing on him understanding and focus on what is stressing you out… prioritize your days weeks and months… understand that there are people who get paid to do what we do within our home… understand it’s ok if something does not get done today… take time for you RELAX RELATE RELEASE…we as woman take on so much we move non stop he care for everyone in the household but what about us and our needs…
Some people dont grow up learning how to communicate with others emotionally in a constructive way. Previous generations swept difficulties under the carpet and the cycle began.
This can absolutely improve.
I agree counselling and looking after yourself are first and foremost important.
Your hubby may respond better to requests or suggestions as to what specifically could help as thats something tangible to consider. Its not wide scope overwhelming unpickable confusion…which i am not saying is how your conversations go.
He needs to understand intimacy is something built in safe relationships.
That includes emotional connection and building your family is a process he is involved in xxx
Good luck
It amazes me how many women in this group are so quick to just say “run” or “leave him.” She clearly stated leaving is not an option for her. Respect that and offer actual advice. I agree with those that said try counseling. I know several people who individual therapy and/or relationship counseling has worked very well for. If you can’t afford that (cuz god knows it isnt cheap) try calmly explaining to him how it’s important to be able to talk to him about your feelings. That you need to be able to confide in him. That you can’t bottle everything up because it’s not healthy. Spouses/partners are supposed to be able to confide in each other, support each other, and lift each other up. Explain that you want to do the same for him too so it’s not just a one way street. Marriage/relationships take WORK. And while I agree that if a relationship is toxic or dangerous, you should leave. But so many people call out difficulty to communicate or lack of understanding as being “toxic” and to run. Marriage doesn’t work like that. Sometimes it’s hard, and you gotta work at it. I’m speaking from a place of experience here too, having actually been in an abusive and toxic marriage in the past. Not everything you need to work at or that doesn’t serve you without putting in work is “toxic” y’all.
LEAVE, and don’t say you can’t. He is using you to get what he wants and needs and drains you and never cares. It stops when you stop it. This NEVER changes until YOU change it.
Shift the focus from him and focus on what is stressing you out. Then focus on how you can ease that stress. If needed have a conversation about it with him. If he says you being stressed out stresses him out then be like “Look, I need to talk about this and you need to listen.” If lessening your stress means him watching the children while you do something by yourself and for yourself then that’s what you should do. Tell him what YOU need to lessen your stress. If he’s not willing to help you in any way then he is part of the problem. Also, getting professional help would not be a bad idea if you are able.
Quit doing everything. You need to take care of you and if that means he has to step up and do something so be it. Self care is important. Being stressed out all the time is not good for you. Tell him you need a break and then go do something while he’s taking care of things and if he doesn’t let you you will know he doesn’t care about your feelings or needs and is a narcissistic asshole and you need to get out of that situation cause he won’t change
A dismissive partner is relationship suicide and you will only get more unhappy as time goes on so I would focus on planning on starting afresh as you are being used
Hes not going to understand and you should leave him. Because i dealt with that for only a year and a half and it was the most mentally draining thing for myself.
Because you are divorced …you want her to get leave her marriage too,pls ignore all these negative comments here and look into counseling for both of you
Have you thought about seeking help? Like a therapist? It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on, & they might be able to help you work through what you’re dealing with, & perhaps give you advice on how to best approach your husband with your concerns. It sounds like you’re just overwhelmed, & you can’t properly express what you need to your husband without perhaps him feeling attacked or overwhelmed? He could have anxiety that he just manages, you know?
Everyone struggles sometimes. I hope you get the help you need. 
counseling is one option but this is me. men want to fix things. they don’t want you to feel what you are feeling anymore so they want to fix it. what is making you stressed is something he can’t fix which would make him stressed. tell him you don’t want him to necessairly fix anything you just want someone to hear you. you need to just tell him how you feel without him fixing it.
My husband tends to get stressed when I’m stressed and I’ve found that it’s because he feels that he needs to fix it. And sometimes he can’t. So I have to warn him ahead of time that I don’t want him to fix it but to just let me say my frustrations out loud to an adult human real quick and then we can move on
I know this all too well. It’s very selfish that they don’t care. It may be a lack of empathy or narcissism or their own anxiety that’s not letting them care about your feelings. A relationship like this is not sustainable.
I feel like I’m living this post, except my kids are 4 & 14. I don’t have any advice because I’m there too. Just here to wish you luck. It’s a lonely, frustrating feeling.
Look after you & kids only
Find a girlfriend to talk to.
Seek counseling alone and together.
so you have many choices here, You can stay & have this continue to happen for the rest of your life, Or you can leave & learn to be happy without this person, & I totally agree , get therapy, whether you stay or leave
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all are not good reason, either leave him (thousand of people single Mother do it so can you) or get used to your life, Choices all about choices. But stop the Oh whoa is me stuff
By what you’re trying to tell him… Sounds like you’re only “stressing him out” because he doesn’t want to hear it because he doesn’t want to feel guilty knowing he could be helping you out more. 
If he had empathy when you got together then bad him, if he never had any and you thought he might “change” then you made a common miscalculation, he will never be a resource
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I just stop talking to him. He’s the stresser
Go for a walk and think. Go to gym and work out. Be sure when you want. Take kid and walk.
Best to change it now. You won’t believe the resentment you’ll feel in 40 years of coming last 
Is there any way you can get counseling? You need someone you can talk to and get your feelings out and have them validated. For some reason there are men who just aren’t interested in how their partners feel, especially if they don’t work outside the home. There’s no way I can think of to make him give two hoots how you feel. All he knows is he goes to work everyday, you stay home, and when he gets home the place is still standing. He doesn’t see everything you do because whatever you do he feels that that’s your job. The kids are your job in his opinion. If you say there’s a problem he needs to deal with at home, all he can think of, is he just walked in the door and he doesn’t want to hear it. He figures if you have issues, that’s just part of life and you have to deal with it. That’s how most men feel anymore. I’m afraid if that’s not the attitude you want to live with, you’re going to have to get a job and leave. Yes, you can physically leave him if that’s what it takes to have a life you can be satisfied with. But if you love him and want to stay, you’re going to have to get some counseling. You’re literally going to have to pay somebody to listen to your stress and feelings because it doesn’t sound to me like he’s going to.
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You should talk with a individual therapist. You could have ppd. It’s not your husband’s job to help you regulate your emotions and feelings. It’s not his job to validate them either.
He’s gaslighting you. It’s your fault. Not that he is stressing you out by not helping. He gets enjoyment out of seeing you stressed. I know it’s hard & sounds even more stressful but you NEED to leave him. The longer you’re with him the more damage he’s causing to you mentally. Go into a shelter with your babies if you have to. They will help you get housing assistance, mental health care & job training. It’s not going to be easy at first. But it will get so much easier than staying with a man who loves to see angry.
Find a friend you can confide in, go to therapy which may be better because they are neutral and they aren’t going to tell anyone your business. Get a job and get out. Make sure you get child support. Supporting one another and being there for one another is one of the basics of building and maintaining a healthy foundation for every relationship. If he can’t provide the basics and gaslights you and withdraws physically and emotionally as a punishment until you apologize and stuff it all down and acts the way he wants you to…that’s abuse hun. Get out now.
You can’t. You can try couples counseling, but you can’t convince him alone.
Ok I get how you feel but leaving is not the solution especially if you are in love with him. Be you have a no filter base say how you feel and express it whether he listens or not. Change how you express if you have too. If it’s to the point that you do feel like you want to leave address that and be firm meaning show him how you feel and if he ignores it reach out to your family find somebody in your family that your close too and express and vent it. Sometimes screaming it and showing every anger ability can make you feel better only if your pouring it all out. If you’re only pouring out some and not all of it it is gonna drain you make you tired and make you feel like things are left unsaid… its not easy leaving a relationship with kids involved. He doesn’t sound abusive or that he doesn’t care. Just give him time now if it’s a repeated scenarios yes guys don’t like hearing the same thing over and over and over again. Say it once tell him how you feel and if it’s something that still isn’t setting right the problem isn’t him it’s not you completely but it is something that you are not expressing that you need to express maybe its why your stressed and overwhelmed. See the big picture from both sides not just yours. Hopefully it works out for you
Sounds like he is not emotionally capable of understanding - I have seen people like that- I think it scares them and they don’t know how to deal with “feelings” … I think try to understand that it is not you - It is him. I would just give up trying, since it is not working the way you are trying to deal with it - Let it go …
You need a person you can talk to. Stop and give yourself some alone time. If he sees your stressed and doesn’t try to help you. You need to move on. If you drive, leave for a couple of hours. Set the children and note to what needs done in your absence. You only have one life. You can’t give what you don’t have to give. He can help. Or find someone that can.
Not a partner.
Move on.
I heard excuses not reasons leave him
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You can’t tell a narcissist anything. And honestly, you either learn to deal with it or you make provisions to leave.
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Giirl leave, he won’t understand otherwise he would have already. He literally will continue to invalidate you and gaslight you into thinking your problems are a fragment of your imagination and should be dealt with in silence and on your own as I bet he be thinking it’s a “you” issue. 
don’t waste your breath energy or time.
You said he definitely sees you are stressed and that your being stressed stresses him so he definitely understands you are stressed. He has validated you are stressed. What exactly are you expecting of him because it’s not clear. Do you want him to make it better? Are you asking for a 30 minute time out to destress? Or do you want to talk about what stresses you? If you want to talk about it that is difficult. You need to approach it in a way where you are not complaining about what he does or doesn’t do, not blaming him for you being stressed, no whining. No one wants to deal with that. You wouldn’t want to talk to him if all he wanted to do was complain and blame.
Tell him you are stressed, dinner is made, kids are fed or ready to be fed and you are going for a walk for 30 minutes, or a nap or a soak for 30 minutes to destress
Be sure to be done in 30 minutes or less, not longer. When you come back thank him for giving you time and space for 30 minutes. Be cheerful act relaxed even if you aren’t.
Easy…stop catering to him…fill ur cup so u can keep ur baby’s cups full nd thn shit n his.lmao.jks.u nd th kids come first
Yes you can physically leave there are places that would help you