You do not sound ungrateful. You do not need therapy. Some ppl man. Sometimes the grass isn’t greener. This is a tough place to be in. I empathize with you. I would suggest picking up a hobby. Sounds dumb but seriously, get yoursef out of the house at least twice a week just for yourself and find joy and appreciate the little things. Always take care of yourself don’t forget that and honestly especially if you start taking time to yourself, you might see a change in how you feel about him.
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God brought you that man for a reason. You are the one to make yourself happy not anyone else. Prayer works. Talk to God he’s the only one that can reveal it and fix it.
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What an Amazing husband u gott❤⚘
He deserve to be loved…
Set up many Romatic date nights …⚘
Pray & seek God he will help u through an bring ur marriage together…
Don’t give up on urself.
A husband like urs are hard to find Nowadays.
⚘⚘⚘
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Why make yourself???
To unconditionally love someone is a choice, you just continue to choose him.
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I have the same situation as you are… sometimes when we are in a really dark place and someone reached out to our hand and helped us get out of there, its just overwhelming and we feel like that person is our true love. However, as time goes by we realize that we were just in the bad place and was really in dire need of help and now that we are on a really great place with a lot of good things happening (ofcourse it was all because we are not in a toxic relationship anymore, and we owe it to the husband who helped us) we finally see that it wasn’t really the kind of love we thought it was. When I realized this few years ago, I opened it to my husband and told him that Im sorry I dont think I love you that much and it hurts like hell for him because all he did were good things to me, he helped me grow, he loved my kids, he’s just pure angel and there I was breaking his heart. But the good thing about communication is that you guys are going to be on the same page… he knows exactly where to put himself and where you will. What he did was he didn’t give up on me… instead of dwelling on what I said that I might not be the love he deserve, he did a lot of things to make me fall inlove with him. Which took me years before I realize that this is the man I will stick with for the rest of my life. The truth with love is that its not love everyday. Its not about if its real or what. If theres passion or no passion. Its about living the happiest moments of your life with someone who isnt toxic and who’s bring out the best in you. He was just the most patient and lovable person Ive known in my life and I definitely dont want to lose that kind of person. I also did a lot of self reflection… its really important for you to understand that you just cant get another man again in life if youre looking for happiness. Happiness is found wihtin yourself and not with others. My husband is just a spice to the happiness I have within myself and we celebrate it together.
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Maybe you’re just blocked off to loving anyone in a relationship for fear that they’ll do you wrong at some point. So, I think you need therapy to open that up and get therapy for the abuse you’ve been through. People don’t think deep, you’ll see comments like ‘leave him’ no, it’s deeper than that.
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Maybe he feels the same way. There is all different kinds of love. Forget the mushy school girl type of love because you’re too old for that. You are both fortunate to have found each other . There is a lot of creepy people out there. And the grass is t always greener. Count your blessings. 
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You deserve true love and so does he. He might already know that you don’t love him. Just like us women can feel it I’m sure men do too. He’s not going to end it because he loves you and probably has a need to protect you. This is going to bother you until you let him go and he receives his true love just like you will too! Some people are here to teach us how to love ourselves. You are now ready for your person!!
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Maybe you are in love with him but even after 7 years you’re afraid to admit it because of the “what ifs”!
Maybe ask for a “you weekend” no kids no husband just you so you can gather all of your thoughts, wants and needs… you should definitely seek counseling for you ALL!
Maybe you can ask for a weekend without the kids, just you and him!!
Take a couple hours every other week for a date night!
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Here is my best advice for you… find things that he enjoys and take care of him. Find things that you both enjoy and hold him a little bit more closer. I think we sometimes get to a point where we feel confused because life around us becomes more important than taking care of ourselves. When I first met my s/o, I felt the same way you did. I was broken, empty and also got out of an abusive relationship. I wasn’t even wanting to jump into another one because I needed to take care of me first and my son. But through the darkest moments, even when I begged him to leave, he never did. I resented him for the longest time and I realized that he was never the issue. I was. I had forgotten how to love altogether because my ex ruined everything about real love for me. I put myself into therapy and realized a lot of the things I was doing was kind of forcing and coercing myself into thinking I don’t love him - because I felt I wasn’t worth loving. I took my therapists advice because he’s a good man, just like what you have there. You just gotta find that spark again and as much as we would love to tell you how, but we don’t know you two like you both do. Talk to him. Set up a private date night. Have a drink, relax and communicate about things that make you laugh. Love isn’t just a mushy feeling…it’s a wholeness of feeling safe with our partner to be ourselves. Do one sweet thing for your partner everyday. Whether it’s doing a chore he usually does or fixing his favorite meal, leaving a sweet note when he least expects it. But truly, start with learning how to love yourself first and then give some of that back to him. I promise you that therapy really does help with this and they’ll even bring him in on the conversation too just to help build that back. I’m thankful I did it because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t know what a good man looks like. Praying for you darlin 
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Start going to church.Give your life to Jesus and ask Him to help you👿
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I’m sure that most of the old couples that were married for 50+ years went through times where they weren’t in love lol. If you’re happy and everything is good, you stay!
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Sometimes when we come from places of being abused we confuse passionate trauma bonds for what real love truly is.
What you describe that you have IS love. It’s a bond. It’s family. It’s trust, and safety, security, and happiness. Lust fades, QUICKLY. Love is something so much more beautiful, and safe. Our stories are almost exactly the same except I have two boys from a past relationship.
Your past with trauma is why I would suggest therapy, and maybe it will help give you clarity on where you’re currently at and what you have 
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I realized in church one Sunday I didn’t love my husband as I should. That Sunday I prayed that God would put a love for him in me that would never go away. I got a feeling that day that let me know a love I never felt before. We have been married 46 years. This was back in 1990. Got married in 1976.
So just believe and ask God to help you.
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So maybe think about whatever fantasy you have, and maybe you can be strangers on a train, or local hotel bar, you can dress up, either you come onto him, or vice versa, have a few drinks, and sneak off to your room. Sometimes just getting away alone can make a big deal. If that’s not something you can do. Try to spend a little time together. On a regular basis have a make out session.
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Do you attend church together and with your family? Pick a couples retreat and get grandma to watch the kids for the weekend. Sounds like your in love you’ve just not had time to Kindle your passion.
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What is your definition of love? Because after a toxic relationship our idea of love can get distorted. Love is not an intense feeling of highs and lows. Love is calm and soft. Love is a choice you make every day when you wake up. Love is seeing your partner and feeling safe and happy.
Have you worked through the trauma of your past relationship? You may have some lingering trauma you’re keeping in your body, that’s my problem too and therapy is helping a lot.
Honestly it sounds like you do love your husband it just isn’t the feelings you’re used to. If you loved him as a friend you’d want to leave. If you didn’t love him at all you wouldn’t be happy. You may even have a disconnect from your emotions which is also very common after a toxic relationship. If you aren’t in therapy already please consider it it might do you some good to have someone confirm you are doing fine you just need some help connecting with yourself again.
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Sorry but what you are describing is so much more important than love. I’m sure you loved your ex and look at how he treated you. Love is fickle. I’d rather have a man I can trust and trust with my kids.
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Start making romantic dates and go from there.
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Have you read the book about the 5 love languages? You need to figure out what yours is and what his is. Once you do then that’s how you can connect. You love him the way he needs to be loved and he does the same for you. Yours could be words of affirmation and his could be physical touch. Whatever it might be could help you connect on a deeper level. Good luck girl!
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U were brought together for a reason … u have to continualy chose someone when u say u love him…passion fades … yes u deserve happiness too … but what kind of happiness are u looking for? Those butterfly in ur tummy kind?.. happiness comes in diff ways even if dsnt come in the package ur expecting it to be … from ur story sounds like u have an awesome man and a guy who loves u and ur kids …and not all can find that kind of love… think it over a hundred times sis… what u have …most single moms are just dreaming of… much love
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Sometimes you don’t realize how much you love someone until they’re gone. You could end things and realize how much u actually do love him.
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You can’t make yourself feel
Love is a decision!!!
so uhhh you’re using him. trashy
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I would say to start seeing if you can get sometime without the kids (have grandparents watch them or someone for a night or weekend) and spend more time getting closer to your husband. Acknowledge to yourself (and maybe even to him too) how grateful you are for the little things (kinda note off the little things one by one to kinda show yourself what you have to be thankful for) and just go from there.
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How can you not love this great guy? This is the type of man women look for all their lives.
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True love starts with a great friendship. U have to b friends 1st then fall in love. I think that is a good foundation u have with him. It takes time remember u were once broken and im sure ur afraid “what if?”. Don’t try so hard it will eventually happen. From what i read his not just ur husband bt he has accepted the kids as his own , it takes a real man to do that.
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How does he feel? Is he “in love” or does he feel its just a “really good friendship?”
Try therapy for yourself… work through those issues you have dealt with in the past that may be trickling around still and you just aren’t aware. Self therapy and healing from trauma really helps you become a much better person all around. Then move into marriage counseling.
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Count yourself lucky
Tough love here… You married someone you loved but weren’t in love with… when I left my ex husband I was in a very similar situation. He was very abusive. My now husband helped through every part of life at that point. He’s my saving grace in that aspect. However, you set an example for your children. Whether their daughters or sons. You should always remember that.
I’m going to say this is just awful that poor guy 
you should get counceling for yourself start there
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you can’t make yourself fall in love or feel something you don’t
What is it that you think you are missing out on? Sounds like you have what most women want but for some reason that isn’t good enough. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Most people take for granted what they have and don’t realize it until it’s gone. So you need to figure out what’s missing that makes you happy. It’s a inside job.
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You cannot make yourself love somebody maybe you should be honest with your husband
All I read was you use this man cuz you need someone to take care of you and the kids because this man loves you and is genuine and will give you the world and yes you left a toxic relationship because that’s what probably does attract you so let him be and fine someone who genuinely love him back and you go out get on your own and live your world to support you and your kids and hopefully you can find that real love cuz we only live once
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Wow!! You need to leave , he sounds like a great guy and he deserves better than being used !!
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You can’t make yourself love them. You deserve happiness yes, but your partner also deserves to be with someone who loves them back the same way they love you. Also being married is hard. You’ll go through spouts that you don’t feel the same way you once did. Bc you both are changing with time.
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You have a great foundation for love. Love starts with friendship and much of the rest comes from the decision to love him, not from a romanticized image of longing and passion. You should try seeing a personal counselor/therapist and exploring ways that you can ignite a spark of passion and excitement in yourself (which may not be directly related to your relationship. Finding a new passion can still improve your marriage). It sounds like you hit the jackpot and like you should put in the work to cultivate real love. Good luck to you!
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The relationship I broke off recently was just this he treated me right loved my son put me first but there was something missing I know exactly what you mean it’s in your hands weather to leave like I did or let him go.
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Remember the phrase… “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone”
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I would say one day you will wake up and realize you are in love. It just doesn’t feel like it right now.
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Ya never know what ya got until ya ain’t got it no moore…
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there are arranged marriages all over the world, and more times than not the people say they fell in love with each other because they WANTED to love their spouse i can see you like and respect him but do you WANT to love him because if all you say is true anyone would love him ,think before you act because believe me if you hurt him there will be some woman grateful to have such a wonderful man in her life
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Maybe therapy to help with the trauma from the past (also I think alot of ppl tht were once in relationships where they argued and made up alot. Get “bored” in a healthy relationship its a trauma thing. I’m not sure what it’s called. Ppl get addicted to chaos or something. U don’t realize it and Not it’s any fault of ypur own. It’s just a side affect. Maybe your brain does it to protect you. tht could be one thing. That’s why u feel like there’s no passion because there’s nothing going on and you feel bored because everything is going right. So therapy may help with tht) date nights to help u 2 reconnect with ur husband or if u spend alot of time together maybe a weekend with ur mom or sister or friends a vacation away to make u miss eachother. Role playing was a good idea for passion or something else u like. But passion is over-rated lol. I’ll take comfy anyday over excitement lol but thts just me. I see alot of good ideas in this feed. Marriage is always work. Relationships in general are always work for them to last forever.
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Spice it up. Subtle changes.
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“In love” is a fairy tale a embellished by Disney. That man loves you in a way that is deeper than just emotional infatuation.
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Your kids happiness is your priority but so is his. If you’re not in love with him, it’s selfish to lead him to think you are and let him have these feelings for you that you don’t reciprocate. It essentially fools him into continuing a romantic relationship with you and a parenting relationship with your kids. He deserves to have someone who doesn’t love him like just a friend.
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First off, you need to think long and hard if you actually love him or you’re with him out of convenience.
Then proceed.
If you think you love him… you need to leave. There is no I think I love you… its either you do or you don’t.
If everything you described doesn’t make you love him idk what would
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No. Bashing. Here. I. Think. It’s. Sweet
Sounds like you’re using him. He deserves somebody that loves him too, and apparently it’s not you.
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This may not feel like love because you’re not going through the extremes of what you were used to in the past. Trauma changes a person so therapy may help you get some perspective before you make such a huge decision.
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You cannot make yourself fall in love with someone. IMO it is a feeling you have everytime you see that person. It sounds like you love and appreciate him so that is a good beginning. Good luck to your family
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You cant make yourself in love with someone it literally comes natural if you do.
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Love is usually not that early relationship feeling. It can be at times. But love is a choice you make every day to be there for each other. It sounds like you do already love him but you’re looking for more of a spark/butterflies feeling.
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Unfortunately, you cannot make yourself fall in love with someone. If there wasn’t anything as much as a spark the whole 7 years you and your husband has been together, there is no chance. I can understand you are worried about your kids, but your husband deserves better, he deserves more - what you are doing is wrong. And you need to tell him the truth and lay everything out there, you’ve been lying to him all these years and he’s been believing and living with your lies unknowingly and that is very unfair for him.
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Some of you have never been in an abusive relationship and it shows. Which, good for you. But this woman has obviously been through a lot. And love (romantic love) is so much less a priority for someone who has been through that type of trauma. Companionate relationships CAN work, loveless relationships CAN work, depending on what the people in that relationship can live with. If her babies are safe and loved and have a wonderful father figure? What gives any of you the right to be calling her names and bashing her for being confused and not knowing how to proceed? Marriage doesn’t have to be about love or romance. Yes, everyone in this situation deserves love. My guess would be the husband here is at least subconsciously aware that his wife’s love for him is less than epic. Or at least he understands that he doesn’t have her whole heart. And what they have is good enough for him because he loves her, loves their kids, and their life together. If she can love him in the way she is able, and be friends with him and be happy with him I think that can be enough.
To the OP:
I don’t have a magic saying that will help you to fall madly in love with your husband. But if staying with a man you do love (albeit in a way that is less than storybook love), who loves you and your children, understands what you’ve been through, supports you and cares for you… if that is what you feel is right for your family, then give yourself a break. It CAN be enough. Some folks here are saying that he deserves to be loved in a way that blah blah blah. He IS loved, and so far it’s been enough for him as well. If he’s not feeling slighted or unsatisfied, then you and the love you DO provide him are ENOUGH. It may not always this way. But what relationship stands forever without faltering? Whether is was built on our ideals of all encompassing romance and love or not. Keep going, keep giving him what you’ve got to give, and let that be enough. Unless there comes a time when either of you wants more.
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There’s a saying…can you picture yourself without (said) person!? It sounds like you cannot….and I think your are content … maybe it doesn’t feel like passionate love but maybe it is love. Some people never reach the point of romance in books or on TV…but infact yours is more real… you just haven’t realized it yet… you obviously went through some trauma before…good luck
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A great lasting relationship isn’t focused on passion. If he’s a great friend and someone you’d be happy to hang out with everyday for the rest of your life your off to a good start. I think the passion your missing is the falling in love part, maybe start going on dates and having some weekends away together if/when possible and build the romance and passion your looking for
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Could it be you are not happy with yourself? Seek professional help and start loving yourself so you can feel love from others. Just a thought.
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You probably are inlove with him but your trauma is telling you that you aren’t because your ex made you feel that you were unworthy of love.
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Was you really in love with him or. In love with the man that saved you and your girl’s.You can’t make your self love him.You need to part ways and become friends and coparnet your kids together.
Love all the things he does for you, love how he treats your children, love that he is such a good friend because love can’t be without all the rest. Safety, security, stability, and friendship are the foundations for real lasting love. My question is have you learned to love yourself yet because until you can then you’ll never know if you’re truly in love with him either but by no means does this mean leave him. Find the happiness and find the peace and you can find the love
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he deserves someone to fall in love with him the way he loves the women he is with. I would Leave. U can’t make urself fall in love. It seems like u like the idea of things
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Well, if you didn’t have love before then how do you know this is not love you spe ak very highly of him, you don’t want o separate, you say that he’s a good man. Couldn’t you have experienced so much trauma that maybe now your unsure of even good 
unlike what I’ve seen by reading some of these answers I do believe that there is always a way to love someone and sometimes it doesn’t start out as if it’s some fairytale. I believe the more you let him in with hour your guard up and the more you see how terrific he is the more this can improve.
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This book is amazing. Just give it a try.
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You guys could try therapy. Or relationship builders. Not every relationship is passionate all the time… so please don’t think that’s normal. It ebbs and flows depending on what’s happening and peoples mental and physical health. I do think think you need to be honest with him bc he deserves the truth and a choice in this as well.
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He deserves better than that, if you don’t love him…. Leave
Let someone else LOVE HIM the way he deserves to be loved 
he sounds like an awesome guy that has given you the world.
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Fall in love with yourself. It seems like you have been given a chance to do just that. A great guy even with the kids. A plus. Find some way to spark a romance. If you never loved him why did you have a child for him? Work on being happy. You deserve it and he does also.
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That man deserves someone who loves him.
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Have more date nights! Life is so hard and stressful sometimes it can be hard especially with kids. Get a babysitter. Get a hotel!
When it gets boring hubby and I find something to do even if it’s a free trail walk. Tonight we are going to a rave $15
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You need to talk to him about this…not talking to him and telling him how you feel is not fair to him
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I remind myself everyday why I left my husband, the things that he does opposed to any other man. I’ve been with my husband 13 years and married five. Don’t get me wrong there has been weeks that I question my marriage after praying to God he would show me why I chose to stay with him.
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Real love isn’t like the movies or a story book. Love, lasting love is more like a comfortable pair of slippers. All you’ve ever had on is tight shoe relationships. Nothing that was like it was supposed to be. Real love is friendship, a meeting of the minds. Having fun together. Talking. Sharing ideas. If you can build that and get comfortable with one another… I think you’ll find that the passion will come. It’s not like the movies with the fireworks, bells, and whistles… it’s more like being comfortable with each other’s presence and closeness. Think of it that way, and it won’t seem like it’s so far away from what you already have.
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Close your eyes and relax your mind… Now , imagine some other woman in your shoes of his life . Then , tell yourself you aren’t in love with him . And , if the answer is still no … This man DESERVES SOMEONE MUCH BETTER THAN YOU . A man that will EMPOWER a woman who is broken DOES NOT DESERVE A WOMAN WHO WILL NOT EMPOWER HIM ONCE SHE IS CHARGED . Has he changed ? Doesn’t take as much care of himself ? Maybe goes a little longer without a hair cut or skips brushing his teeth ? How about you stop and think he USED HIS BATTERY TO CHARGE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN and now you can’t even have the humanly respect of being a woman and charge him back . Do it for him . He did it for you . If not , leave so he can heal and have the life and wife and family he deserves . I’m not gunna sugar coat it , but if you didn’t deserve it what makes you think he does ??? You left your last relationship , right ? If I was him I’d leave you. 
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As an abuse survivor myself I know safety isn’t exciting to me. My typical idea of passion feels like danger and is toxic. I’m working on those things but maybe that’s part of why you feel that way.
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Alotta words for “he’s a decent meal ticket and my kids like him so I dont want to appear like an ungrateful cunt while I lie to him every day im with him, using him until theyre out of the house and I finally get the motivation to move on after depleting his usefulness.”
Seriously just trying to make your comfortable situation palatable so you dont feel like you’re missing out. If no one sees this as selfish, theyre deluded. Yeah, running out the clock is an option…but you need to lay it all out for him RIGHT NOW…he deserves to read this.
Have you tried going to therapy I know an abusive relationship can destroy a person im sure you have a lot of mental scars that have not begun to heal you need to heal and love yourself before you can love someone else I totally get doing what ever it takes to make sure your children are happy and safe I stayed in a relationship that I was very unhappy in for that exact reason I did end the relationship cause it wasn’t fair to either of us cause I could not give him 100% of me I am not in a wonderful relationship for a little over 7 years I am finally truly happy and very much in love and I’m very loved I wish you the best
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Read the five love languages. It’s amazing
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If you plan to stay with him no matter what, then I don’t see the problem with how things are now
Do you love yourself at all
Because from the abuse I’m sure you don’t
You can’t love anyone if you dont love your self.
Work on you
Work on doing different things together, days out as a family to some where new, dinner date by yourself, watch a movie and snuggle,
Do you have interest or does he ?
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I’m in no way bashing you, but he deserves the truth! He may be thinking what a beautiful life I have, all the while you are telling a whole different story. He deserves a woman who not only appreciates him but also loves him the same way he loves you! Or maybe just maybe he feels the same way that you do and y’all are just going through the motions for the sake of the children! Better to talk it out now rather than later!!
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Look for some things to do that you both love.
Sincerely compliment each other.
Make some romantic dates out.
Find a brand NEW interest to do together…that you both love.
There are even love games to play. Try some.
Maybe, try again first?
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So many people would be so happy with what you have. You are obviously a fool!
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there are different kinds of love, in the first place you should have not married someone because they were willing to take your responsibility. I think it would be so selfish of you to hurt him, as you were hurt. And if you think there is no future, get out before there’s any more damage to your kids. Next time hopefully it’s not you being disappointed because your new one will think you aren’t passionate enough. just my opinion…
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Don’t screw this up… best friend is what you need.
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That man deserves someone to love him and if you don’t love him you need to allow him to find someone that does. Just because you two aren’t together doesn’t mean he can’t be there for all of the children. You definitely need to let him find someone who loves him.
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Look at him in the eyes.
Choose to love him. Love is a choice.
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Tell him so he can find someone who knows what they’ve got. You need to heal and it sounds like this guy is giving you his all. He deserves better.
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I believe you can fall in love with someone that you’ve liked. I’ve read stories of those who had arranged marriages. And learned to love the other person it’s definitely doable. Talk to him, go on dates, send flowers, write love letters, go do something unexpected… I definitely think you can, have the kids with babysitter, and just go do some dates.
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Get to know him and I mean REALLY know him. Usually, people that caring, when you REALLY get to know them, you almost cannot help but to fall for them. I would also say to get some therapy. If that does not work, then I would be honest. Love CAN grow. But you have to put in the work too. Love is not just a noun or adjective. It is also a VERB, an action word. He has invested a lot of time and energy into YOU. Now YOU need to take a turn investing time and energy into HIM as well as take your own healing a few steps further.
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Sounds like you are in love with him, but that you may have issues with getting attached because of the past abuse
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Best question is what is love, how do you define it. Best to seek couples therapy
I’m not trying to be harsh, but this post is about how YOU aren’t gonna leave him because your kids deserve him in their daily lives and YOU guess you can settle for the friendship and no love, just to have that. But what about him? He deserves true love and your taking that away from him. He deserves someone that actually loves him
All honesty… a DECENT man is hard to find, if you have a GOOD man, keep going!
Take the passion into your own hands, play dress up, tell him exactly what you want, step by step, tease him all day… TRY before shutting down.
Last time I found “passion” my kids were sexually abused… look at what you have, not what’s missing.
In the end you want a good friend anyway… sorry, advice from a widow that didn’t know how amazing her husband was… widowed at 27, now 35… dating sucks!!! Keep a good person, passion fades💚
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In my opinion you are extremely selfish, you are taking away from he the possibility of been love after all he has done for you and your daughters .
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