Love is an Emotion…You can talk to him about your need for passion and ask I’m to help you both to strengthen your Love. Sounds like he Loves you, he’s good to you, good to your children and that makes you happy. You could be in a lot worse situation.
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I feel like the first step is to address the trauma from your previous relationship. That can cause blockages of all sorts in new relationships. It sounds to me like you already have a very strong grasp of your self worth and needs, which is often a challenge for survivors of abuse. You and your husband have the hard part on lock. The unconditional love and knowing that he has your back… don’t ever let that go. The passion is there. You just need to heal and then awaken it 
Just know and trust that it is there. And that you are so blessed to have found someone you can heal with.
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Have a date night, play some music and dance in the kitchen. Touch often, hug. Read some books on healing marriage. I’m in a similar place where I feel like I don’t deserve his love. I need to heal and love myself.
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I have been married for forty plus years. Over time you love them, you like them, you sometime s can’t stand them. And back in love.
Start a grateful book. Each day write one thing that he has done that was showing love. In a few months you might be back in love or in love for the first time to a very special person
They are hard to find. Good luck
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I find it’s really hard to love anyone after trauma or to even be happy. It may not even be him it’s just us from being so broken 
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Maybe start by dating him, fix romantic dinner for the two of you, sometimes when we have kids they overshadow everything else, look at him and ask yourself what attracts you to him? Why is he so good to you, I think your not giving him a chance to be the one because your afraid. Let the past go focus on what is good and in front of you.
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I would say if he is open to it start exploring things together sexually or even non sexually just time together. Being that you were in such a chaotic relationship before your body was constantly going through chemical changes triggered by abuse, dopamine, adrenaline, cortisol, oxytocin and those are what makes most victims stay in the abuse cycle because it triggers what the brain perceives as love because of the chemicals it’s receiving. If you and your husband can find ways to trigger those chemicals in a healthy way it could change your feelings towards him. (Side note: sometimes aggressively passionate or rough sex is the shortcut to endorphins) But it’s what is within both of your comfort zones and what you are both willing to try.
Have you got any counceling for your trauma? Someone to talk to that has a total outside view can really help you to heal.
It could have happened 2 years ago or 20.
The pain is all still there.
Even if you tried to block it out.
Your really just covering it up. Like slapping a bandage on a cut, the wound is still there.
Ur just protecting from further injury.
That’s you heart. You’ve got to deal with those emotions, trama, hurt so you can actually heal from it.
So, you can allow those walls you’ve built to come down. So you can allow yourself to fall in love and know it’s ok, this time. Once that happens you will see him in a whole new light.
You owe that to the both of you all.
Sounds like he’s pouring everything he’s got into you and the kids.
So, you owe it to him to atleast try this before u call it quits
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Does he know that you are not in love with him? I think u should have a serious talk with him and tell him how you feel. I’d say you two could stay married, remain partners, be parents to the kids, etc…but know between the 2 of you, that you guys are just friends. Somewhere down the line u 2 could then discuss dating other people.
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Stay where you’re at
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It’s work. Do special things for him. Go on evening walks together. Fix him special meals. You WILL fall in love with him!
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My parents got married because my mom was pregnant. There was never any romantic love but where together for 42 years before my mom passed. My parents where best friends and we had a wonderful life by my parents didn’t have the type of love my husband and I have (14 years and still in the honeymoon stage). My parents did love each other but more as friends then a romantic love. They where content with the companionship and company. I know everyone wants that romantic love but if your happy make the best of it. But like others say date each other my husband and I go on dates every couple months just to keep that spark (maybe it will create it for you).
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I have been married for 48 yrs. In love comes and goes. Mature love is the fire that warms. Maybe you are equating excitement with love. We all fall in and out of love. Love him for who he is not the fantasy you have in your head.
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Seems like the love is there but you are missing the desire. You find desire by seeing something in your partner that makes them irreplaceable or makes you horrified about the thought of losing them. He has been there for you and your kids and have been a family so I’m sure the love is there, but maybe what you’ve been missing is the desire. The void between seeing him as a family man vs an intimate partner is the lack of desire because love alone is not enough.
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Learn your love language and then focus on teaching him your love language
Sounds like you are settling. Is that good enough for you? You can’t make yourself fall in love with someone. And he deserves a woman who is in love with him so think about his needs as well. My advice is find a man you desire and that desires you. Life is too short to be living in a passionless relationship.
At least you are honest keep working at it love will grow when you dont expect it to xxxx