So I was with my fiance for 6 years, we were planning our wedding, talking about where to go on vacation, Christmas plans, and out of the blue he asked for a break, in his words "not to date other people but to work on ourselves " that was fine with me, we got together young, I thought he just wanted some space. Well the whole time he was alternating between saying he loved me and missed me, and that he wanted nothing to do with me, that he moved on and didn’t love me, then he came over to talk and “work things out so we can be together again” we were intimate, but then after he wouldn’t talk, and said let’s be friends with benefits. Turnes out he was already dating someone else the entire time… he said that was the last time we would see each other and that he was done being with me, he just wanted one more night with me “to see if that made him miss me” I guess I was put on the back burner in case the new girls didn’t work out? It hurts so bad and it was so sudden, I don’t know what to do with myself, I want him back because I still love him, but at the same time I don’t want to be with someone that would leave me for another woman. He always told me that if he wanted someone else that he would have someone else, that he wouldn’t cheat, he’d say that if we had an argument, and sometimes just out of context like why would you say that? The problem is, we have 2 little girls together that absolutely love him, and he will be picking them up for the weekend and I don’t know how to act, I love him but I don’t know how to let him go so that I can be happy too, I guess I’m in denial, can anyone please offer any advise on how you all got through this? Just thinking about him or him being with her, makes me extremely anxious, stressed and sick to my stomach. How do I get over this
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I over my ex fiance?
He fucked another girl and then yoy and you want him back? Please move on with the 6 years you just wasted and love your best life
Heal queen. It’s a process do things that you love and bloom like a beautiful flower . You are strong and beautiful he doesn’t deserve your love.
He left you and slept with another while you never did that’s not a true gentleman that’s a boy who is yet to become a man move on baby girl you can do so much better then him. Don’t let him play those games eith you
Honestly, move on. It’s best for you and your babies. Show your girls that no man is allowed to make any woman feel that way. Be civil, as you have children together but focus on you and your kids and nothing else. You will find someone one day and you will be happy again. You deserve better
He’s a narcissistic, manipulating, big headed b…d. Get rid of him. He doesn’t deserve a loving, gentle girl like you.
Hes a pig for one. But what you need to do is show him no emotion because he will use that for when it doesnt work out with the new one and use it to get back in with you, have no contact other than if your making arrangements for the girls but even then dont need to go into big conversations just short answers and then just move on the hurt will go away soon as long as you detach yourself xx
Go out to a secluded area or open body of water and let out all of your emotions. Scream, throw shit, cry, wail, go absolutely berserk! Then when you’re finished, pick your crown up, dust it off & Live your best life for you & your babies.
Keep things about the kids with him, don’t talk about his or your personal lives. It will be hard for a while but it will get easier
U need to love yourself more than u love him. Take your dignity and move on
Have them picked up and dropped off at a neutral location where you don’t have to be there. Only talk with him through text or email. Pray. With time, you will be happy again. If you can’t be his number one, find someone else. Tell yourself he is happy, so why shouldn’t I be? Good luck.
He’s doing the crumb trail with you. He just always wants you there in case something doesn’t work out. You can heal. It takes time but you absolutely can do it. You deserve someone that’ll choose you everyday. Make the decision that you don’t want him and start your journey. You are not alone.
Go to court and make sure you have a court order on your kids before you send them with him for one otherwise he could keep them and not have to return them til you go back to court. Secondly, counseling. Third, get a hobby to pour yourself into to help and try to build yourself up.
You want a lying cheater back??? How can you ever trust him again?? Friends with benefits?? How many times is he going to crawl back in your bed one night and ghost you the next day?? You get a lawyer and make sure child support and visitation are set and then find a good counselor and work on you and the happiness will follow. They’ve done studies, once a cheater always a cheater.
Move on been there done that for 16 years
Please think of yourself and your girls.He sounds like a narcissistic…
You got this just be happy with the kids and stay busy with them don’t let him bring you down yes it hurts but it only makes you stronger smile and get up
He’s a bad person and you deserve better😢 Move on and try to be happy and don’t hold the girls over his head. Also I wouldn’t let him know he hurt me and say bad stuff in front of the kids either. Keep a healthy environment for them. You being happy will mess him up:)
The best advice I can give you is put a brave face on during pick up for your girls. However do not give him the opportunity to think that you will always be there waiting for him. You weren’t a priority to him, you were a second option. You deserve MUCH better. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this
Run, he is a pig! You can never have a relationship with him. He sounds like a boy instead of a man! Get counseling !
Past habits predict future habits. Unless God is the center of your family and with God anything is possible! It’s gonna take 2 honest ppl working their butts off!
You act like it doesn’t bother you at all. Do not show him your weak side, you can go and have your moment when he leaves with the girls. Be strong, one day you will find a real man and realize why this didn’t work out. Sending hugs!
You go get ur hair & nails done. Go get you a sexy outfit. Call your home girls tell them to get ready. Go somewhere for the wknd. Live your life and let go. Burning house down, destroying car, and beating them both up is frowned upon by some lol. You showing that it’s bothering you is the worst thing you could do. You need to show him you’re living your best life. You already know deep down what you need to do. Don’t be scared to start taking ur own advice.
Just give yourself time to heal. If you have a friend or family member that could do the hand off and pick ups of your girls that might help too. Set boundaries for yourself so he can’t play with your emotions. I’m so sorry this happened
You love him, but won’t ever be able to trust him again. I’m really sorry that happened to you, but at least you didn’t marry him.
Make sure your soft spot for him doesn’t put you on the back burner EVER again. He wasn’t honest about it. It would’ve still hurt if he had been, but now unfortunately you won’t get what you had back.
I know that’s extremely difficult and having your kids around that woman is probably gonna bother you too rn. He will do the same to her someday, so just know that and move on.
Talk about kids only. Other then that ignore him.
Time you’ll get over might take ten years might take ten mins. But time.
Ps please don’t have seggs with him again he does not love you. But of course will be nice if he wants to fk
Sorry that happened to you, he does not love or respect you
You can get a third party to do the swap of kids for a little while but make sure you have custody before he takes kids
He played you— get upset not sad— close your heart to him and focus on you and your girls. His loss doll and the new chick won’t have it any better either
Please focus on YOU and your girls ONLY! Do not show any interest in him as he will continue to manipulate you. Be cordial and that’s it. Begin to honor with your girlfriends and do things that make you happy. Go to counseling to help you through your emotions so you can get on a better parh. Please remember that he has no respect for you and he doesn’t deserve access to you for what he did to you. You deserve someone better who will love, cherish, honor and respect you. What he did is a representation of who HE is and has nothing to do with you. Move on, heal and pray for God to send you the man he TRULY has for you. So sorry you have gone through this. -Blessings
Move on! Date other people immediately! I dated the biggest blessing of my life after a similar situation with the worst mistake of my life
When you see him act like it doesn’t bother you. Just be kind tell the kids have fun with Dad I’ll see you soon, hug them, tell him to have a nice day and Walk away smiling. Let him wonder and see that you’re not obsessed with being with him.
Surround your self w friends and start datimg someone else until u can get over him. But get over him. He’s playing you. Dont be weak. Show your girls a strong woman.
No do not take him back . He toxic for u . You will find the right man . First love your self live life . Go out find what you love and what to see . Date boy are not going to make who you are . Let him go your better off with out him . Get up find nice dress or some think go out sit have coffee make new friends. Door has close. new door open up find your self . Be happy that he should his true colour befor you marred the toxic boy . Fuck him off time wait . He will fuck ever think that move and will never be happy with the one person.
It takes time to heal and self love. He is the father of your children, treat him like such only. He already knows what it is to be a family together with you and he declined to the commitment. If I were in your situation, I would decline to his advances or ‘friends with benefits’ crap aka ‘let me use you without you getting mad because I sleep around with other women’. You will continue to be used this way until he finds someone else who demands commitment from him and doesn’t allow him the opportunity to be ‘your friend with benefits’. He declined to stay committed - decline to be his play thing. I wish you the best.
It’s difficult. But think of your girls. If someone did this to them what would you tell them. He is the one with the problem. Heal yourself, do not give him another opportunity. There is a greater love in your future. He will regret his mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you should be there when he does. You and your girls deserve better.
This sounds like you dodged a bullet. Be thankful you didn’t marry this boy, not a man. Focus on you and then move on.
Co parent for your girls but aside from speaking about your children I wouldn’t speak to him. He’ll just end up keeping you strung along in case his future relationships don’t work and that’s not fair to you.
Delete him off any social media. Block his number and only
Unblock him when he has the kids incase of an emergency. Take time to your self heal and sort out the emotions. It take time to get over all of those feeling once
You do though it’s like an awakening you’ll be thinking omg I’m so happy I’m over that man the things he did and say will just be a bad memory. Love yourself girl.
Give yourself time to absorb all this , also think about your girls what ever example you show them they will act
I have not been in this situation but I can guess how I would feel if I was in your shoes. It’s so hard because you have children so you have to deal with him for years to come. It will get easier within time, abd the first couple times seeing him will be hard, especially with someone else. But just try to stay strong and not go back with him again. He treated you as a last resort and like trash. If he can treat you like that after that many years and children together, he will never change. So try to let go of he might change because he won’t, he has shown his true colours. You deserve so much better, and your children are watching everything so remember if you allow him back in this is the relationship they will see and think it’s acceptable for people to treat them this way. Try to keep busy, go out with friends, cry it out, focus on your children and what you really want out of life. Is it to go back to school? Start a new career, journey. Maybe you focus on your health and ho to the gym, or take up a Hobbie like gardening. Nows the time to sit and really think about goals and your focus for your own life. Value yourself and love yourself, do not let him toy with upu again. give yourself time, things will get better!
Only time will help. You deserve better and you need to love yourself enough to walk away from someone who clearly doesn’t value you. Focus on you and your children… the rest will fall into place as it should(I know, it’s easier said than done). The time he has your girls, YOU go out with friends, meet new people…. Keeping busy is also important, no need to sit there with your thoughts all day! I’m so sorry you’re going through this- I know first hand how deviated you feel but you must pick yourself up and keep moving and before you know it you’ll wake up one day and not give a shit what he’s doing or where he is. It just takes time.
Move on. Just remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. He will continue to do the same thing to others. Hopefully someday someone will hurt him as he hurts others. You have to be happy and honest with yourself. It was obviously not meant to be. Unfortunately, 2 children are involved. That just goes to show how selfish he is.
I had one of them. Get out of it now and I promise you will get over him! It takes time but you want someone who will value you and love you the way you love them. I have that now and you will find it to but you wont so long as you are wrapped around your ex.
I feel sorry for you. But you would never be happy with him. You would always wonder if he had someone else.
It’s a sad place to be right now but time is a healer and as tough as this is for you and the girls right now. Move on and try as hard as you can to let him go. Things will be better.
Start taking care of yourself let him see what he is missing he just wants his cake and eat it plus he doesn’t want you to find someone else
I agree with most of these comments. I went through/am going through something very similar but we are married. We have lived apart for a long time but have done the back and forth and cheating so many times that I finally am learning to let it go and move on. To top it off mine is a major narcissist! Yes it hurts but he is doing you a favor. Something better is out there for you! Just be strong for you and your girls
Limited contact for your sake. That sounds like narcissistic behavior. Cut all contact but the basics for coparenting sake and if you can’t do face to face you don’t have to. Have someone else do the exchange. He can’t keep discarding and then hovering you back it will break you and you need strength to rebuild and care for your girls. Once you have those firm boundaries the fog will lift it just takes time.
Date, it dosent have to be love, just get back out there, it’s so much easier to move on that way.
Aww I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Get over someone you love is hard. Been there done that. It was hard to get over the man I madly in love with but it was all worth it because he kept cheating on me. Take some times away for your self. Hang out with good friends. You have to respect yourself by not allowing him to manipulate you. Get busy. I went to the gym a lot and hang out with good friends to get my mind away from my ex. You got this. It will make you stronger and happier. And you will find a real man that will love and appreciate you.
Get a family member to do the pick up exchange. Find a hobby, go to the gym, join a moms group and do outings. Rearrange your living space. Don’t call him. Don’t hate him. Focus on loving you. The best revenge is a happy life.
You will get over him, he is a selfish cheating ahole who doesn’t deserve you. Stay strong for your kids but whatever u do don’t let him play u again. Like they say a once a cheater, always a cheater and thank your lucky stars he is gonesky
Kick him to the curb! You sound like a very good catch. Be strong!
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Don’t let him see you cry! You’re right, he kept you around in case the others didn’t work. Total creep, a little narcissistic if you ask me. He’d only get a bigger head seeing you cry and hurt over him. And maybe even give you more reason to, just because. Girl, believe me - This is a blessing. Count your stars, please! And GIRL fix your crown.
Thing is…You don’t love yourself so you don’t really know what love is. Do you love your kids? Of course. You would never ever knowingly hurt them right?? That’s love darlin. You gotta understand that a man that will do that is not a real man. Why would you want to live the rest of your life with the thought of knowing what he will be doing to you? Your stress will reflect on your daughters lives. You have to teach them that you love yourself and them more and will wait forever if it takes for the right person to be in all your lives. Take being single as a blessing for all the trauma you just saved your family and make something of it. You have a life to live so live it.
Time, and you have to find your strength. Be with friends and family but all them to not talk about him allot. Find things to do that make you happy. My ex left me high and dry with 5 teenagers after 20 and then keep playing games with me for another 6 months. I had to get mad enough to decide I deserved better and I finally did and am so much happier now. You can do this.
Give time your self. And love your self more. And also focus your time and attentions to yours girls. Leave him he’s pissed of shit he doesn’t know what he wants. He doesn’t deserve you. One day you will find someone that’s rights for you and loves you. Not that weak pissed of shit. No balls.
Reading just the beggining , I already knew where this was going .
Just give it time . You had hope and this is the reason why you’re still hurting . Move on . You deserve to be happy and be priority to someone who sees you and only you.
Heal. Date. See that you have other options to be happy too- alone or with someone new. I’m sorry he did that… Selfish and disgusting and immature but truly once a cheater always a cheater. He’ll do it to her too.
Stop sleeping with him
Don’t show any affection towards him. Don’t show him that you care and don’t give him any of your time or your attention.
When he picks the kids up, hug your kids and walk way.
Don’t call or text him unless it’s about the kids.
Try to go out, have fun and date.
Right now he knows he can have his cake and eat it too, so it’s easy for him. Once he starts seeing you not caring and doing your own thing he will try to come back. Don’t ever take him back. No one should ever make you feel like an option
Everything gets easier with time. Focus on yourself and the things that bring you joy.
Try not to see him for a while, time helps, in time your get over him and be happy again soon, just dont fall for him coming back to you because that’s the way some people keep you lusting for them and dont let you move on, whereas you need to forget about him and one day you will meet someone else and he will become jealous but what ever you do do not let him get in the way when your over him
Don’t ever take him back, as much as you love him the damage is done. Coming back to you and then doing that again is way too heartless. Just coparent and don’t keep the children from him. Stay yourself busy when he takes the girls. He’ll come back when you’re completely heal, hopefully you won’t make the mistake of taking him back. Like I said the damage is beyond repair. Take time for YOU.
You just have to let yourself take the time to understand he was never who you thought he was, even the entire 6 years. He isnt the person he lead you to think he was that made you fall in love with him anymore
Keep reminding yourself that he used you. He treated you horribly. And he strung you along. You deserve someone better.
And those times that you have to see him for the kids you should make the exchange as quick as possible and only discuss things about the kids and things regarding them and pickups. Nothing else. He showed you that you were an option not a priority. The more time that passes things will get easier. Yes you love him but he doesn’t love you. You don’t want to be with a person like that.
My daughters with my ex husband were 1 1/2 and a couple weeks from being 4 when we separated. The separation broke me on one level it was because divorce to me wasn’t an option on another hand he had cheated on me multiple times and wasn’t the kindest person to me. I had already given him a second chance. And I was struggling so hard with the fact that he was my husband and I loved him unconditionally the way a wife is supposed to and yet I wasn’t good enough. What changed everything for me wasn’t “moving on” per say. It was my girls. My oldest came to me one day and remarked how I was happier when her daddy wasn’t around. And it kinda hit me that she had noticed how unhappy I had become with him on lots of things. That she had noticed the dynamic in our relationship she was 4 yall. That was my changing point and I refused to allow a relationship where I was treated less than what I would want my daughters to be treated. That is what changed me. Initially I didn’t really move on with dating that took a few months once the divorce was filed I decided to give dating a try. Prior to that I focused solely on myself and my children I lost 12 lbs and dated myself. Try starting there. And take it day by day. It won’t be easy.
Time makes it better. I was with my ex for 10 years and it took me a couple of years to get myself together. But don’t give this POS another chance he will just continue to hurt you and your kids. He’s not worth it
Time. Time is seriously all that you need.
And in the meantime you be good to yourself.
You shower, and shave your legs, you do your hair, wear make-up and perfumes lotions etc. Don’t stop pampering yourself. You need that more now than ever.
Discover or keep up with a hobby. Make your bed in the mornings…everyday.
Read a book, or learn a craft. Bake or cook something different.
Just give yourself time, but let that time be productive and uplifting to you.
It’s very very easy to fall into sadness and we forget how to care for ourselves too.
Your girls will get what they need from you, but you need to be your own advocate, your own best friend right now.
You’re going to need to care for your emotional and mental health because I guarantee you one thing. HE WILL COME BACK TO YOU.
He’s gonna apologize and cry that he made a mistake. He’s gonna say he wants his family back. And you are going to have to stand strong!! Because, he’ll never be what you remembered him being. He will forever be changed and SO WILL YOU.
Stay healthy, eat well. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally.
Your roller-coaster ride just started, don’t fall victim to him yet again. There’s someone out there who’s been ready to step up for you.
Be ready for that amazing opportunity!
I am so sorry for you that you fell in love with and had children with a man who never intended to stay faithful to you.don’t beat yourself up over it,or convince your self he will change.he will never change.you got to let him go. Stand up tall and do you and your kids. Make sure he pays childsupport,it is his responsibility and the law. Dust yourself off.you will be ok. Don’t look for another man ,pray to God and let Him send you the one who knows what he has with you.don’t chase a man who treated you like a dog.
Time. Change your view on this; you have a whole new chapter opening up for you as much as your heart hurts right now. Narrow down contact with him to only discuss matters of your children — and nothing else. Love yourself more than to tolerate this level of disrespect. Want better.
Everything everyone is saying above +
- DO NOT sleep with him
- Get custody and child support established through the courts NOW
- SET BOUNDARIES
- DO NOT waste another minute of your time feeling bad for him if he comes to you for pity. HE chose this and you deserve so much more.
Honestly it’s normal to go threw grief after this been their !!! And with kids!! But!! You are absolutely doing the right thing but not taking him back !! Do not let him in your bed ever again !!! Or at least for the next 5 years and you better test him before you even think about it because your gonna get attached and hurt really bad again !! I did everything my ex hated to do or would always yell at me for it was so freeing seriously!! Do IT !! you will find peace don’t give him any kind of attention just straight to the point no extra and leave it at that you heart will stop hurting win you move on with a real man and then you will look back and think WTF was I thinking seriously!! That’s facts !!! Don’t give him anymore of you !! You can’t afford to lose more of your peace your babies will be fine momma promise he he’s truly a good dad they will still get what they need from him and you will find peace best situation is right here for you it’s your time to find peace and love !! Ps find yourself you never find love when you look but always when your not looking find you crush this new life and build yourself back up better then before so many doors just opened for you god is good send you worries to him and he will help you threw these trials and you will come back out on top I should know I did
Ever time you see him think to yourself I deserve better than you you all ready got the best of him in those 2 little girls let her have the leftovers and when you’re ready find some one who really loves you because he never did if he can do that to you one day you will wake up and just be happy trust me I know you deserve better
You keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. It’s easier said than done, but throw yourself into your kids, you work, maybe go back to school. Each time you find yourself missing him, remind yourself of how he did you wrong. How he lied to you. How he cheated on you. How he used you and then threw you away like you were nothing. I know it’s harsh, but it’s true. File for custody and child support and when he shows up to pick the kids up, get petty. Look your absolute best and keep smiling. Remind him what he lost! You had a life with him and children. A part of you will always love him, just not in the way that you’re used to. It will get easier in time.
Time, counseling, mediator to bring kids out to him,
Start talking to oother, not all out date
First and foremost love yourself not him your relationship with yourself should take precedence over everything else then and only then will you find true happiness xx
Make yourself invisible when he picks the kids up .have a family member be there. I wouldn’t let him see me at all ! He is a selfish person and you shouldn’t let him see you ever again and certainly don’t let him know you are hurting ! Move on…
Time ,self love ,maybe some counseling reconnect with friends . Be true to yourself and never settle.
Walk away from him. Don’t let him charm you or lure you back under his spell. He needs control, needs to reel you back in then when he has you, will push you away again. And so it repeats over again. It is the narcissist game and he is the master. The way to stop it and come out the winner is not to play. No matter how hard you try if you join in his game you will ALWAYS end up the loser.
Remember, NO is a complete sentence.
Do not engage in any conversation with him other than regarding your children and their wellbeing. Check out your state’s laws and make sure you have legal custody of them. Then, get your head straight, secure yours and the children’s happiness and safety, move on.
Time apart will show you how you can be secure and happy without him. X
You dodged a bullet there. Any man who would say that to you is not a man. It’s time to ghost out, my dear. It will hurt at first but it will get better much more quickly without him around.
You have let him get away with so much he will never respect you again so you will never be able to go back just fill your time up so you don’t have time to think about him he is not a good person and you are better than him if your busy with friends and things to do you won’t have time to miss him…
Dont get back together with him. When the other female done with him trust me he will be calling you … Just tell him you want to be friends that’s it. Don’t get back with him he using you right now or has been. Yea move on show him your happy its his loss.
Let him go. He is not worth it. Feel your feelings, just not in front of the children. Take some time to yourself to get through this. And don’t ever believe his lies or take him back again because he does not respect you or love you enough. It doesn’t matter how much you love him. Find the man that CANT. LIVE. WITHOUT. YOU. And learn to coparent with this man. It’s gonna suck but you have to love yourself more and teach your children to be strong women.
First : Do not sleep with him anymore at all that’s the first step because if u do those feelings will pop up again. Second: you need to set up custody plus child support.
Third: you need to set clear boundaries and also find a mutual pickup/drop off spot for neither person goes to the other persons house
Fourth: get into therapy if u have to
Um really? U really have 2 ask what 2 do ? Don’t keep sleeping with him or giving chances…he’s making an a## out of u while he’s using u
It’s going to take time. There is no quick fix. There is no magic pill. Be glad you did not marry this guy as he was lying to you all these years.
Time heals all wounds. Just move on with your life. Do not let him “Demote” you like this. Better to end it now…
Just move on and get child support and get visitation days for him legally
Oh goodness girl! That guy sounds like he has such a screwed up head. Let him go and just work on making yourself the person you truly want to be and that means without a man. Only once you are happy with yourself will you be able to find happiness with any man. I feel for you and your 2 kids. It’s going to be a rough road with their father having the messed up head he’s got.
If you go back to him he’ll just leave you as soon as you “ work things out” and if you pretend that you don’t care and are glad things broke off he’ll fight to get you back.
Show no emotion anger or sadness, he feeds on this
I used to meet a mutual friend or have a family member meet him or one of his family members for exchange visits with the kids… avoid seeing him for any reason at all and start working on myself and things I always needed/wanted for ME, instead of putting him first all the time.
Put a friend in your shoes, what would you tell her? What anger would you feel towards him doing that to her? Now feel that for yourself!
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You need to move on …pray about it and let God help you…he is no good for you but he will always be your kid’s father
Walk away and let her have your sloppy seconds
Don’t let someone show you who they are twice. Work on you and live your best life and tell him to kick rocks
Cut off the supply…the emotional supply he discards you and expects things to be OK.He feeds on the supply cut it off
Ditch that dude. He ain’t worth your time. Sounds like a player. Boss up and move on from that unfaithful f.cker. Put ur middle finger in the sky and walk away struttin your ass like u never strutted before. He’s using u for what’s between ur legs. And manipulated you to do it by saying he will talk after ward. You can do better than a player ass cheating mofo.