I have two kids; they are both 8. One is very well behaved and mannered. However, my daughter is extremely rude and disrespectful. We have tried everything. The only thing we have not done is get physical with discipline, nor do I plan to. I’m just curious to know if anyone is willing to share what they do at home so I can see if I haven’t yet tried that. The other option is a therapist. Since we aren’t a rude or disrespectful family, still go above and beyond for her and don’t ever make her feel unloved. We just can’t figure out what is causing her so much anger and negative behavior. I will say I’m working myself on not rewarding her as much. I use to get on to her about whatever she did wrong, but by the end of the day, we would be doing fun things as a family. I know that was sending her mixed messages, so I’m working on that. We love doing things as a family, and because of that, we truly want her attitude to change so we can fully enjoy family outings without having to talk to her when she acts out constantly. I’m 100% open to ideas, so I do plan on commenting and giving feedback.
ADHD can cause these behaviors
Take her to the therapist. Maybe there is something going on you’re not aware of, and it doesnt have to be a home thing.
Also, even if it is family events, when shes acted out. Dont let her in on the family event. Sounds ignorant but maybe she needs that interaction-watching the fun be had and having to sideline it because of her actions. Shes 8 now. If not curved now, you’ll be bailing her out at some point in life, making more excuses for her. Get tough momma.
She needs to lose material things she loves the most. Into a Goodwill box.
Maybe enroll her martial arts
Diet change… we took away foods with red dye and it was life changing!!
Watch the show (with the British nanny) she has a ton of suggestions that work.
Strong willed child. Read james Dobson and therapy. Watch diet and make sure shes getting sleep and have her checked at a chiropractor bc spine health is directly related to brain function, so is the gut. But if she is a strong willed child, this is just her and it is what it is. My sons the same way. Im learning to accept him as he is bc weve done numerous counseling, behavior specialists and have used every agency available. Hes on meds for adhd and i give consequences hoping one day it will sink in. Hes 11 and ive been dealing w it since he was 4.
Every behavior fulfills a need. Figure out what need she has that is being satisfied by her bad begavior (venting emotions, attention, avoiding chores) and find a resolution for the need
This is what we do with my 8 year old daughter. If she talks foul or treats people a certain way. We do it right back to her 100 times over. Then she gets upset. Then will ask her why she’s upset,she tells us because we talked rudely to her. She then learns and understands how it feels to be treated the way she has treated people and she’s getting better
I think you are going to have to show some tuff love with her. Even though you like having everyone doing the family fun stuff you are going to have to show her you are serious and not let her participate in them and maybe that will help with her attitude. Take away all of her material items even if that means all she has left for a little while in her room is a bed her clothes and a light. If taking everything away from her doesn’t work I would recommend talking to someone to see if something else is going on with her that you don’t know about. Good luck with whatever you decide to try!!
She needs her ass beat
Talk to her before she acts out…
Who is the one scolding her? Change that around…
Go volunteer as a family outing and see how that goes
Stand back and watch everyone, with your mouth closed and eyes open…What do you see? Cause people aren’t always what they seem…
You say both of your children are 8, but you didn’t say they are twins.
Is there sibling rivalry?
Is she bullied in school. How are her grades
I have 3 children 1 who is grown 25, and 2 teenage boys 15, and 17 , who are all respectful, helpful, good grades, they were all disciplined by a belt when doing wrong. “Spare the rod, spoil the child…” a child learns that there’s ‘’ consequences" for their actions.
I am very blessed to have great kids, and I owe it all to tough love when they were smaller. If you don’t correct it now, it will be to late when they are older.
I would start with food changes.I would provide talk therapy.
Sounds like you might want to rethink your spanking situation if we acted this way as children we got our butts whooped and my children know if they act this way they will hence they are respectful and well behaved
Those are some classic signs that something is wrong in her life, whether you see it happening or not. Start with a therapist and see what happens.
She could have allergies your not aware of
Therapy it’s easier to talk to a stranger then it is Family Sometimes…If that doesn’t work, Punishment, take away everything, phone TV favorite toys, Make her sit in her room and think about the wrong doings…Good Luck, It can also be a hormoal thing also, body changes, and she just doesn’t know what’s going on…
Therapy may be the way to go but if that doesn’t work strip her of all luxuries, no tv, tech or phone take all her personal comforts from her bedroom just leave it with her bed, bedding, clothes and a desk for her to do her homework everything else goes. If after a period of time you see an improvement in her behaviour then she can start to earn her luxuries back. Same goes for food, no sweet treats, just keep it to her three basic meals a day and any healthy treats needed if she does any physical after school activities. Also no playdates, birthday parties with friends either outside of school until her behaviour improves. It’s amazing when you limit what they can do how quickly you see and improvement in their behaviour. And if when the status quo has resumed and she starts to act up again you can remind her of what happened the last time she stepped out of line and that you won’t hesitate to do it again but that she’ll have to work twice as hard for twice as long to get it all back again.
How is everything in school. My son went through something similar. Come to find out he was being bullied an lashing out at home.
If all else fails…hot sauce in the mouth. Food Burn to the tongue that’s being disrespectful
Stop giving attention to the behavior that you see is bad , maybe she’s feeling she receives more of you when acting out , maybe just some one on one time once a week per child.
Therapy… Adhd…not whooping ur kids… ONE DAY…ONE DAY…UR GOING TO PAY FOR !!! If ur child is rude…disrespectful…doesnt mind or listen… Guess what ?? Its ur fault that ur child id a BRAT !!! Nobodys fault but yours !!
I would remove all devices. Tv, phone, computer etc. when doing homework- YOU sit there to; till it’s done. Counseling. If YOU don’t get a handle on her now. When do you plan on it?
Spare the rod. Spoil the child.
I don’t think the answer is belt beating that to me is violence never does a thing except breed more resentment your child is negative attention seeking because she feels like that’s the only way to get it maybe a counselor would help both of you I’m not saying you ate at fault it’s hard raising children I understand I raised 3 but I did not use corporal punishment don’t believe it’s an answer good luck hope it works out for your family
I raised 3 children as a single mother. My sons are 30 and 31 and my daughter will be 25 in May. They have never gotten into drugs nor have had trouble with the law, were top of their class in school and their teacher’s felt I raised exemplary students. They knew better than to disrespect me or their teachers. Damn right I whooped that ass when it was needed and nobody was going to stop me from raising my children the way I felt was right to raise them. CPS surprisingly came to my door one time and at the time I didn’t know better that I didn’t have to let them in without a warrant and I did so anyways as I waited outside and they spoke to my children. The outcome was they had never met such happy and respectful children. My ex mother in law had made the call to them. Discipline starts at a young age. They had a time out chair until at least age 5 but they also got swats if needed. Computer time or favorite toys were taken away. No tv whatsoever or favorite food. I promise you I had older women come to me in lines at stores or libraries telling me my children were so well behaved. My children now tell me, “thank you mom for raising us like you did. I’m glad I had a strong woman like you to do the job and never giving up on us.” All my children have all told me something similar and to me that’s priceless and I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
Careful, counselors have told my teenage daughter that I’m the disrespectful one, she reports me to CPS and the police and teachers for just taking her things away…
Something happened between 8 and 10 that turned her into a monster, maybe I didn’t whip her enough, I don’t know. But o do know if you don’t put your foot down now, she’s gonna be as big as you, screaming in your face that she hates you.
I agree with trying diet change…I have seen it work for ADHD behaviors. BUT being rude and disrespectful is beyond ADHD and you are going to have show her that you mean business and will not tolerate it. Corporal punishment is NOT abuse and may be what you need to do to get her attention, and prove to her that you mean business.
Spare the rod, spoil the child
A UTI made my kid act like this. Treated for that and added probiotics to the diet. Behavior improved immensely.
With my son we took away everything… no games, electronics, tv shows or movies he wanted to watch… when we took his siblings out to do something fun we got a babysitter for him… he was extremely disrespectful, ungrateful and rude. Once he realized he wouldn’t so anything except read and sit in his room he got his act together real quick… after about a month of him making progress we started slowly giving his things back n when he fell back into old behavior we took em away again. It wasbackn forthfor a while… took several months and a lot of patience but its been almost 3 years since we did this and he is now very respectful and helpful. Good luck!
Super nanny on you tube have you spoken to your Dr have you tried elimination diets see if this helps her behaviour my daughters are hard core too my youngest 14 nearly and been very moody for half her life aggressive stubborn
I’d really talk to a therapist about this. Because sometimes it’s not just being rude. Sometimes it is, but you have to rule things out. Especially if you don’t want to use physical discipline. There are ways to achieve the proper behavior the thing is it will take time.
I know people will say spank her or beat her ass, as I saw in the comments but at her age it’s just going to make the situation worse. Maybe when she was smaller this might have worked. Now she’ll probably just look at you and laugh or even cause a bigger stink. Don’t.
You need guidance. Sounds like there are things going on there.
Have you sat with her and asked why she does the things she does?
I just had to sit with my 11 year old and explain that his behavior was named a liar. It hurt him to hear but he didn’t see it until I explained it in more detail that lying was what he was doing just answering no and not really knowing his truth.
Really try to hear her out. Hold an item in hand. However has it is the only one who can talk at the moment
Take away something she loves… bad behavior should have consequences that are meaningful. Keep her from family things if she’s ruining it for everyone. She’s getting the whole family to cater to her… and you’re helping create a monster.
Good luck to you… hugs if you need some 
Sounds like she needs her butt whooped
I just saw someone post red dye was causing their child to be aggressive.
Is she being bullied?
A good ass whoopin always works
Kick her ass… & if some stupid parent comes after you for it… kick their ass too!! Lol 
everybody wins!! 
I was this way very very much until age 21! I was then diagnosed with ADHD & high-functioning Autism. (I am not saying this is her case at all tho)
If you stop paying such close attention to her bad behaviour an reward good behaviour it should already show some change… but be sure that there is no underlying cause… she may be goining into hormonal changes or even had a trauma that you are not aware of. Perhaps have a good medical done on her and if not that, go to theropy. But still… reward good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour
The earlier they hear and understand the word no, the better… Simple
A smack in the butt gets their attention. Sometimes it’s the only thing that does
You said you “Go above and beyond for her” that’s the problem right there. You are catering to her. You don’t owe her anything. In the real world no one will give your kid anything. She gives this attitude because she knows you will put up with her. She doesn’t get any sort of punishment. Never spank. Spanking is for the lazy parent. Educate your kid, set the rules and make sure they get done. I have a well mannered, well educated, 19 year old daughter. I did not, or would never negotiate with a terrorist.!
Spare the rod and spoil the child
Distraction…redirection…?Perhaps sometimes a good ass whip…idk js
But u need to do something because if u don’t they will run over u as they get older…Sorry u going tbrew this but let me ask you something??? When did she starte this ? Do u remember the change when she first started??.
Well since u don’t wanna get physical she’ll b whooping ya ass soon shit the disrespect is already gone & u allow it soooo
Get her to wright lines what she is doing wrong. My daughter hates it more then anything and tells us that she would prefer to get smacked or her stuff tossed in the bin. It has changed her behavior because she has a better understanding of what her bad behavior was. Kids do tend to be emotional around that age and love to test boundaries. In saying that all kids are different and some punishment don’t work.
Not saying your child is the same as mine at all just saying my oldest is similar she will be 6 in a few short weeks. Her behavior, anger, and emotions are all over the place. I’ve tried time outs , talking with her, one on one time and absolutely nothing works it’s coming down to it that’s is affecting school. We have an appointment in a few weeks with a specialist to get tests done to see exactly what we are dealing with. It’s a huge safety hazard as well when it comes to some of her decision choices ! I hope you get to the bottom of this 
we have seen 4 specialists over the last year we are finally doing testing! This much anger in such a small body worries me !!!
I have a well behaved 13 year old. I mostly did time outs. One that really worked was holding a peice of paper to the wall with his nose for X amount of minutes. But I have spanked him too. And I feel like that was an important part in discipline as well. It made me really sad to do. But my parents used to spank my 2 brothers and I. Then years later had two more kids and never spanked them. We are all adults now. The first 3 of us are much different from the last 2. Even while growing up. So I made the choice to spank my kids.
See how her friends are the people she says she hates with that has a lot to do with it if they’re very rude or disrespectful or she’s hanging with people that are put a stop to it also you’ve got to stay on top of it if she doesn’t follow directives then she doesn’t go places you’re at a restaurant she’s can’t say yes thank you and so forth and gets rude or I’m really take her to the car I know it’s going to ruin your evening but let the other kids sit in there and eat and drink and so forth park the car right in front where you can see her and make her stay in the car to not give her a phone or anything that she can have fun on and then also start taking away those items phone any type of games TV until she could start acting like she should this is not a therapist issue they’re just going to want to medicate which is bad or something this is a problem due to the fact that she’s just being a little snot some kids just want their own way and the only way to deal with it is show that no it’s not going to happen if you give in at all. Just a little bit you’ve set your progress back and you’ll have to start all over
I have two 13 year olds with vastly different personalities. What I did to make sure neither was super disrespectful when they got older was to instill discipline at an early age. From the beginning they have known I’m not the one. So now it takes a look and the ill behavior subsides.
Do you talk about feelings? What is she feeling when she goes through phases of poor behaviour? Shes old enough to be able to communicate. I think shes acting out because she needs it wants something she doesn’t have or feels is unfair. I have a very aggressive daughter but mine is still non verbal which makes it harder to manage.
Just wup her spoild mean ass
I have a feeling your idea of rude and disrespectful is different than mine. Aggression and anger may be a result of depression, or other chemical imbalances. It could be a result of a life event she doesn’t care to tell you about. There’s many reasons. I think therapy, and perhaps, medicinal intervention may help. Behavioral cognitive therapy is also helpful to make us more self aware of our feelings and actions, and how we can best cope and/or avoid triggers. But bottom line, if she doesn’t fear consequences, you have to find what she loves and take it. Find what she thinks she can’t live without, even if you have to get it for her, solely to use as something to take. A tablet or a phone? Dessert? Or family outings? Hire a local babysitter, and keep them on call for days when you have family stuff coming up. If she has FOMO, you will only need to threaten after leaving her out once or twice. But follow through is necessary, so be careful what you say you’re going to do. I like to give a warning before I have to follow through. Sometimes it’s enough. Consistency is key. You may also want to sit down as a family and write out a list of expectations and consequences for not meeting those. You’re expected to be respectful and do what you are told the first time asked. If you don’t, you lose x privilege. And everyone including mom and dad should be held responsible for following these rules. It includes everyone, and let’s them feel like they play an important role in the family and have a say. Good luck.
My daughter is 7 and is exactly the same I was completely at a loss as what to do I tried everything even talking one on one with her as she I one of 5 children only 3 live at home other 2 are grown, I ended up having to talk to the school and doctors found out just before Christmas she was struggling and overwhelmed with the amount of work at school so they have cut some of her work out and trying a 6 week plan at school seems to be helping as we still have melt downs and diva moments but not half as many maybe worth a go good luck x
My son is 6. He has severe ADHD and that’s where 90% of his unruly behavior comes from.
Believe it or not but “bad” behavior in children can be a symptom of something else going on.
I personally would take her to a pediatric psychiatrist and have her evaluated. Depending on what they find they can help give you tools to parent her more effectively.
For my son a stringent point system is needed.
My youngest child is 7 and she is the meanest, rudest and most disrespectful of the 3 children I have. She hits, bites, and scratches her brother all the time. Around my home she is the Spawn of Satan but every where else she is a Saint. We she acts up I take away her phone and if she really gets outta hand I spank her. Usually when I take her phone for several hours she’ll apologize and behave better.
Ask a trusted adult in the family to speak with her. There could be bullying issues at school, by kids or a teacher. In which case she might not tell you thinking you will side with the school.
Is she resting enough, eating well? Getting enough exercise? Maybe look into a sport, gymnastics, a Girls Club of some kind after school?
If all else fails, take away everything except her mattress, pillow & blanket & 1 book to read, which she can switch for another when finished. Tell her this is how people who misbehave get treated. Then she can earn things back with a better attitude & help around the house.
I guess I’m just a shit mom… I have taken a belt to my six year olds ass plenty of times - but his behavior has been way out of line lately. to be that far into acting out , it’s the only thing that makes him stop his shit.
You have to take control is the father in the home is there anger and disrespect with parents do you take them to church and teach them the right or what right in your eyes girls have more attitude than boys try doing God way if not it will get worse praying
She may be having kids mess with her at achool
Try to figure out the root cause of her actions, may be something underlying she isnt talking about? A therapist or even a meeting with school counselor with her might help! Definitely stick to punishments when giving them also
Always talk about feelings. If she’s acting out sending her to her room is never a bad option but remember to go in and reflect. Also it sounds like there’s a lot of focus on everything wrong she does. In no way is this meant to sound rude I’m just curious but it seems like you guys only focus on everything she does wrong. What about all the good things she does? Does she get rewarded or praised for even the smallest things? She could be acting out because she only gets negative attention. Jealousy of how her sister gets treated compared to her. Again I’m not trying to sound rude just some parents don’t realize they’re doing it until someone says something.
Start holding her accountable. If she acts out, make her write an apology, take things away, explain her behavior wont be tolerated and stick to it. Each time she is rude or disrespectful. Let her know there will be consequences. If she loses everything in her room, then so be it. Then she will have to earn it back. Just stay consistent.
Could be something in her diet , to something happening when you guys aren’t around such as school. Schools will try and deal with the problems before calling you now. Maybe get her a Councilor maybe talk to the school my kids have one at thier school, they pull them from class at free time. My kids have came along way in the past year and a half. Good luck and hope you can figure it out!
You and her need a therapist…
My hormones were off the chain at a young age. And I started my period in 4th grade.
I didn’t have support and it made it worse.
I didn’t just talk about why I felt bad. I just did.
Now as an adult I have anxiety and what not and presents itself as rage.
But what if hormones are at play here?
Or diet? Dyes? Stress? So much can have mood imbalances as a symptom.
I support your parenting as no matter how bad it gets you should be a safe place for your child.
Boundaries can be set. But it shouldn’t limit your love and support.
Get her into a physical activity that promotes discipline, better life style choices and control over emotions. Put my kiddo in karate at the age of 8 and she has done so well. It has helped her learn many things including patients and respect. Not saying it will work for your kiddo but it has helped many many others.
Not sure how your relationship is with her, or if she will be helpful, but it may be a control thing. If you give her control of her punishments, it may be more effective. Ex.: “You have been very mouthy since we woke up this morning, and it makes me upset, but since nothing I do seems to work, I think it’s time for you to decide your own punishment. How do you think we should handle this?” Often kids are harder on themselves than you would be on them, and if she is – go with it. Let her ground herself for 3 weeks when you would only give her one. Let her do extra chores for a whole two weeks of you would only do a day. This worked really well with some kids I know.
I say try therapist and get to bottom of it hope all goes well
I know it sounds strange but try removing red dye 40 from your child’s diet I did it with my three-year-old and the difference is amazing
She may be being bullied at school. Have a sit down and talk to her. My son has ADHD and can get froggy sometimes but a swat on the butt stops that
My unruly child has ADHD & ODD. It might be something to consider. I don’t medicate her.
I have no suggestions. Only thing that worked for me growing up as getting my ass whooped
I’m dealing with the EXACT same thing with my 9 year old son
Spare the rod, spoil the child. Your daughter thinks ur a joke. Good luck with the teen yrs if shes that bad at 8.
Therapy is a great tool. I’d encourage it. Also, use a natural reward system - and I’d be surprised if the therapist doesn’t also suggest this. Frequently and with small successes. For 1 hour of good behavior she gets a token and after so many tokens she earns screen time, playing a game of her choice with you, she gets to choose what’s for dinner from 3 options, ect. Not rewards of candy or money, but rewards of additional choices or time spent in a way that doesn’t put strain on the family. This is just an example, there are tons of ways to implement this practice and a therapist might help you personalize it to your unique situation.
So I have a 6 year old who is the same way, but he has autism so my question is does your daughter have a disability? If not um try one on one time with her and play whatever she wants you to play with. Respond how she does and also be like a commentator like for example if she’s playing with cars say oh your driving the red car through the tunnel. Also praise her when she’s doing nicely and keeping her hands and body safe also her words safe. Things like that. I’m currently in a therapy called parent child interactive therapy and it helps with my son and I and also brings us closer. It’s just a thought
Anxiety disorder, personality disorder, autism, ADHD, ODD, OCD… Might want to consider bringing her to a psychiatrist and a therapist.
Shes jealous of her sibling and will misbehave to get attention…all the attention
I have a twin sister. We r in our 30’s and she still does this throw tantrums and jealous fanatic if my mom or dad give me any remote attention. U have help my dad was out of picture. Anyway she also jealous of me and all my achievements
When we were younger my parents wouldnt celebrate any of my achievements becuz my twin didnt win
They would have me give her my stuff if she ever wanted it. Yell and scream is all she had to do. Solved all her problems buying her new bed new car she just had go act like the victim and she has no way of knowing value of things or how to clean cuz my mom did for her.
They would praise her only talk to her and ignored me so she would be happy. It taught her not to be happy for others. To live insecure. Not make wise decisions.
They created a monster! Narcissistic pathetic and pathological lier Is what they created. She has anxiety, ocd and no real.skills for like like clean or cook or fiances. She hoarder and a personality disorder which hasnt been diagnosed.
Dont do what my parents did. Take ur child to counseling as of now. Dont believe the victim act. Real discipline. Take toy away for longer time or electronics. A slap on the butt is not abuse but u chose. Life is very hard with a child with a mental disorder…its not fair to ur other child. If nothing diagnosed. Its literally jealous and envy.
That personality is set u can teach empathy but once something doesn’t go her way, she will become destructive again.
Most kids do anything they want to and parents never discipline them-they get away with more and more-I spanked my kids and made them do physical work if they didn’t obey-kids never do anything to get tired, they either play games or phones or on internet hours and hours
Communicate and consequences is probably the best place to start but since only you know your child, pay attention and get a doctor and/or therapist evaluation if necessary. Good luck, I know it’s heart breaking. 
The only “bad” discipline is knowingly refusing to use an effective technique and/or knowingly continuing to use an ineffective one(s).
Ie - refusing to use physical discipline = bad parenting
Get defensive and try to defend with bs.
First, you need to address the disrespect. If she starts saying rude things, let her know. Tell her what she said was rude and if she doesnt watch her words she wont be welcome to be with the rest of the fam. If she does it again, send her to her room. She cant continue to hurt anyones feelings if she isnt around anyone. But you also need to talk to her and get to the root of what’s causing her to feel that way. Could be hormones, could be an outside influence or issue, but theres a reason. Punishment is for correcting the behavior but you arent going to fix it by punishment, you need to communicate with her
Sounds like you need to do more tough love. I don’t mean spanking, I mean send her to her room and take away all of her stuff. I honestly think caring too much about her feelings is the actual problem. Why should you care whether she likes being disciplined? She is taking advantage of the situation because it sounds like you care if she likes you. You shouldn’t care whether your kids like you or not, you are their parent not their friend.
Glad i don’t have this problem. My kids know better
Sometimes a spanking is needed.
So therapy is an option but whooping her ass isn’t? Some people shouldn’t be parents.
Disrespect doesn’t fly in my home. There would be consequences for that. So I don’t have this problem.
When my grandson gets this way I turn my back and walk away from him so he has no one to argue with once he realizes he isn’t receiving the attention he is wanting he gives up
I’m a new mom so haven’t gotten through this stage yet. But my little sister and I were adopted at 8 and 6 and both had behavioral issues. Mine being depression which caused me to act out and my sister was diagnosed with reactive attachment and she was similar to what you described. Not saying that your daughter has anything mentally wrong, but we were put into cognitive behavioral therapy(my parents refused meds for us) but both of us greatly benefited from it. We were both taught how to communicate our emotions which built the trust between our parents and us. It helped tremendously.
I was once a spoiled, rude, rotten, disrespectful child at 8. I was never whooped at all, then lord behold one mighty day my mother whooped my butt and it struck the fear of god into me and made me change. Sometimes its needed 
As my wife (the Alfa in our family for sure) says, “in every pack, there has to be an alfa dog or the pack will run wild, never feeling the sense of ‘belonging’ to the pack.” when you tell them how much you love them within proximity of them acting out, they don’t what you’re rewarding, the acting out of what? That leaves then insecure and inwardly confused about their worth.