How can I stop feeling mom guilt?

Tips on how to beat mom guilt? I was planning a first birthday party for my daughter but everyone who said they would be going is telling everyone else they won’t won’t showing up. So I canceled the party because I’m not going deal with the drama and am just going to have cake and ice cream with her and whoever will actually show up. Now my hardest struggle is I wanted my daughter to have a different childhood than I had growing up. I never got the birthday parties, or my birthday was never even acknowledged and I just went no contact with my mom last night so the mom guilt is building up because me and her dad are split up, she’s down a grandparent and now she’s not even having a party to celebrate her first year of life… How do you not feel so guilty?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I stop feeling mom guilt?

I didn’t throw my kiddo a party till this year when he turned 3. The 3 before I just did little cakes and had like pizza and finger foods with close family.

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She is so young she wont know she didnt have party…take pictures of her with cake…hopefully future birthdays will be better

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Just remember that right now at her age… it’s harder on you than it is her. A small intimate family moment with a cute cake is perfect and all she needs right now. Give her a few years to start making her own friends and having bonds with other kids to worry about making sure you throw a big huge party with tons of guests :slightly_smiling_face:

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once she is in school it will help, if they don’t want to be there, fine, she isn’t going to remember the big parties, she is going to remember the cake, the singing, the special meal just for her.

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Awww don’t feel guilty. I’m sure your a good momma who shows her love everyday. That is what she will remember.

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Only one she needs there is you, birthday parties are for kids with friends they can invite from school. Anything before that they won’t remember a huge celebration

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It’s a first birthday. They’re for you not them. They won’t remember.

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I have 3 kiddos bdays in a 2 week period. I let them pick their bday dinner and dessert and have a family night to make each one have a special day. My oldest is 19 and has had several friends say how cool it is I do that

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First birthday parties are for the invitees, not the child. Use this next year to establish friendships with people who will be there for you and your kiddos forever.

No guilt necessary.

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You just do whats good for your baby. Everyone can get on their nut bus and f*@k off. You don’t need that kind of negative energy in your life. She just needs you. Do what feels right to you.

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I moved cities 4 years ago and it took us awhile to make friends and that to invite invite parties, but I would just take their best friend/cousin to an attraction spend the money there xxx

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That’s really crappy that they aren’t going to show up. Without a valid excuse I’d be cutting people off. Life is way too short to invest in one-sided relationships. Go to like Chuck E. Cheese or something as a family 

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Nope !!! You have nothing to feel guilty for. You’re not doing anything wrong. You throw her a birthday party. Even If it’s just you and her and a cake. It’s NOT your fault other people are mean party poopers !!

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She’s not going to remember her first birthday party and we have had plenty of parties with just out little household. Don’t feel guilty about that. My kids don’t care about parties honestly, they would rather do something with me or their dad. I have 3 kids so they mostly enjoy the one on one time they get with either of us for their special day

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Sister, you’re doing a great job!!
Dinner and cake with a gift IS a party…
:two_hearts:

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1st off, you’re already doing amazing by even asking this…i grew up exactly the same way. And unfortunately sometimes we have to exclude toxicity from our lives and our childrens lifes. You are doing the right thing. And ya know what, she will remember the cake and ice cream parties with you and it will be good memories. Better than the drama, negativity type she may have like you said…

So absolutely you are doing the right thing!!

Mom guilt will move on… but will happen time and again…its because we care❤️

Stay positive, stay strong, and remember your worth :muscle:

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You make it the best you can for her all that’s left to do.

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I’ve never thrown my kids parties… they get to choose or we pick an activity to do as a family. That way when they’re older too. They don’t worry about who didn’t show etc.

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My kids have absolutely no family super seriously :unamused: we go to kids places like the trampoline part or science center for kids ect they love love love it and I acutely have fun with my kids and don’t have any bs drama and I’m with my kids and that’s what matters the people who truly want to spend time with them attend once every few years but that’s about it

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My son is 2 and hasn’t had a real party. His birthday is the only time his dad and I celebrate together. We get both of us and whoever in the family wants to come and we celebrate that way. I plan on doing it the same this year for his 3rd birthday.

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A little party with grandparents is fine for the early birthdays. If you do everything now there will be nothing to do for her when 12.

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On both my first daughters birthdays it was me, my mum and my brother. Thats it. Her dads size has lots of family but his never once spent a birthday with his children. His oldest is almost 4 and his youngest turned 2 in March. Not one present or one birthday card. Not even a text… how to stop mum guilt is to stop relying on everyone else’s show ups to make her day special. You can make it just as special on your own. Yeh it’s upsetting but remeber your her world, her special person, her mum, spending her birthday with yiu is the best thing that you can do. Were stronger then we think.

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Sounds like you’re projecting your issues & insecurities onto your child. Not healthy. I’d seriously look into seeing a therapist for yourself. & FYI she won’t remember this birthday. Only the pics you show her.

You don’t have to have a party to celebrate her birthday. Do something with just her. Take her out. Buy her some clothes, let her pick out a toy or 2.

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I wouldn’t even worry about it mama!! She won’t remember it and once she gets older, I would make the day about her and not worry about inviting a bunch of people. I used to drive myself crazy with my oldest daughter’s parties. They were more for everyone than her and would stress me out to the max!! It is absolutely okay to have small parties and just make the day all about her!

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She is having a party rather it’s just you and her or a huge party with 100 people there. She is still going to feel loved. Also she will never know who wasn’t there

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Give yourself grace and take a breath. I’ve learned less is more in all aspects. Stop beating yourself up and enjoy your time together. Life is precious.

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One mama to another, I had a pretty nasty childhood. When my first born came around I had no idea how to even be a mom, but I knew WHAT NOT TO DO, I wanted different for my kids. So I gave them different. I threw the big parties with decorations ans everything, even if no one came, at least they knew mamma tried. I bought the slip and slids, and I took that road trip with them. I was a single mom of 3 (at the time)!! Not sure how I did it half the time, but I made it happen. My kids are now 17, 16 and 14. I also have a bonus son who is 15. And everyone of my kids call it mom magic. Don’t feel guilty for other people’s behaviors or actions. There isn’t anything you can do to change those people.
Have that babu a big party!! Even if it’s just you and them, take that beach trip, have that picnic. Sing the songs like no one is there but you and your baby, because one day mama they are going to be all big and you will be crying in your room while they are down stairs talking about college!! I hope that helps

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I don’t do big parties. My kids get a day all about them instead. What do they like, want to eat, do,etc. The day is about them. It’s not about having a ton of people fighting.

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Because the first few years :1. yes important for them 2.they don’t hardly remember aside from pictures 3. “More for you” meaning you survived and have made it one year as a mother. Don’t feel guilty for eliminating negativity and drama from her life. I can if she’s unaware of the chaos they can definitely feel it and act accordingly… my daughters first birthday was last min, thrown together, who could come came, I make her smash cake with a box mix and tub of frosting. I took pictures of here with those that were there. It’s just me and her. But she doesn’t miss what she doesn’t know. She had a blast on her 1st birthday and I felt so guilty, and every year I try and want to do the big instagram level birthdays and remember it’s just decorations. She has so much fun and is so happy just to eat sweets and see her family that the decorations and over the top seem so pointless.

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Get her a small cake and some balloons (my son always loves his balloons) and take her to the park or something that she likes. Take a bunch of pictures. I don’t have any family that comes to birthday parties or many friends with kids that come so I’ve had to figure out fun plans for him with just us a few times
Don’t feel guilty and make sure you take a bunch of pictures and look at her smile. The smile will help kick that mom guilt in the butt

That’s a them problem, not a you problem. You are your baby’s world, and all she needs. The extra people that show are the ones who love her, and you. Enjoy them. And as she gets older, give her epic friend parties!

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She will have zero memory and doesn’t have the ability to even process what a birthday means. Buy her the biggest ice cream cone to celebrate her first day of dairy and take a picture. You’ve got so much guilt ahead of you eat an ice cream cone with her.:laughing:

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Just make it the most fun …she’s still too young to understand but as she gets older you can do things like a mom and daughter spa day, shopping outing , movie date ,Carowinds…so much can be done that she will really love spending the best time with you and will have wonderful memories

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She is one. Just dress her up and go to the zoo. Afterwards give her a cup cake to smach. Take pictures.

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You’re in luck this year. She won’t really remember. So make it about the two of you. Have the ice cream and cake together, then maybe go out for a nature walk… to the park or the zoo if you have one. Just let it be about you two this year. Then, maybe by next year, you’ll have had some time to meet other people and then you can have a party. May I suggest picking a church? That’s a good place to meet people and there will be kids there that will be interesting to your daughter. It’s a good place to join in activities and have fun.

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Have it between you two
Start it as a tradition
Be positive

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So , hi . Single mom who didn’t have shit to start with. My sons first birthday was cupcakes , and whoever was home to sing happy birthday. He doesn’t remember a thing and he turns six next month :joy:
His second birthday I went all out. Party , the whole shabang… guess what? He doesn’t remember ! Now we do whatever he wants for his day.

Kids won’t remember , the mom guilt will fade. As long as your kid is happy, that’s all that matters. Plus… you’ll get way better pictures of her doing her cake smash when it’s just you two and no distractions.

My daughter is almost 11 and I’ve only thrown her 3 parties. The rest we celebrated just me and her dad with her. She doesn’t seem to mind and gets excited just doing cake, and gifts.:100::heart:

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Honey she is one and will never know she didn’t have a party, it is ok, , I don’t remember my first party, just enjoy the day and just be thankful for her, and get some new friends !!

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I planned a huge birthday party for my one year old daughter got a custom cake and everything and not a single soul showed up. I bawled like a baby. I was very upset and hated everyone. The past 2 years we have had small at home parties or doing an activity she would like with just us and it has been the best experience ever!!! Make her feel special and don’t worry about anyone else…. It’s not about them

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Do be so hard on yourself. She won’t remember anyway.

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Spend day with her somewhere special. Give her gifts, cupcake for the 2of you. Candle to blow out. Make her day important for you and her

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Love plan a birthday photoshoot for your sweet girl. Take her to the store let her “pick” a toy. Get a cupcakes sing her happy birthday. No one needs to be in your daughters life but the people who truly love her. Do not feel guilty at all. Your daughter will have a grand life.

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You will be ok, I promise :heart: 1st Bday parties are really for the family…in fact, you could get away with small parties up until they start school, then they will actually want a party and you can give it your all (the bonus is you can invite classmates and less family if that is an issue) :relaxed::partying_face:

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1st cpl of bdays they don’t remember. As mine gotten older were times alot of family didnt show up, till they started kindy/ school have new friends . In saying that we have also stepped away from parties and doing more experiences which is more enjoyable we put an invite out. Who comes, comes. At the end of the day we have fun

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Patti Clark has the right idea

My two girls are 7 and 9 now. Their first birthday was not many people parents siblings and grandparents. That’s it.

My sons first birthday we had friends over for the girls

She’s 1, she won’t remember anyways. Take a few cute cake smash pictures for the album and relax

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Just do it for her… none else matters

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Take her to do something have little get together at your home just you and dad

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You can still celebrating her birthday with a little party just for herself ( I did this for a baby girl I was babysitting) I did it at my apartment and she really enjoyed it, she made a huge mess eating ( destroying) her cake , the photos were absolutely adorable and funny. You can also take her somewhere like a zoo , Chuky and Cheese for example.She is little so really will not care about it, when she starts school you can just celebrate it at school with her friends.
You do not need to feel any guilt you are doing a great job.

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She won’t remember but just sort the best day out for her. Do her favourite things, if she loves animals, go to the zoo or petting farm, go for a picnic, if it’s warm enough, go swimming or the beach and have icecream. Make the best memories for you, take lots of happy laughing pictures to make her some memories for when she’s older to look back on and make an album and start a memory box, keep the zoo tickets, the tshirt that gets covered in icecream and sauce, that sort of thing. Take a little muffin with one candle, enough for you both to share. Looking back, she will love that more than a party that’s cost lots of money and caused stress to arrange and plan

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At one year old, she doesn’t know the meaning of birthday parties. Just make her a small cake, or buy one if you prefer. Get her a special toy if you can, and take a few pictures of her with the cake and toy so that you can show her how special and loved she was on her first birthday and always.

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Not a big deal. Life goes on. Lol
But I understand the feelings your having. Been through it 3 times. And didn’t have parties and what not either when I was growing up.

Take the money you would have spent on a party and do a smash cake photo shoot instead. Memories for her to look back on later. You’re the one that makes your daughter feel loved, no matter what anyone else does or doesn’t.

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Whoever is meant to show up to any party you throw her will. Don’t cancel because of the guests, it’s not about them. Continue to celebrate her every year & make memories. Take a trip every birthday or go on a fun outing. Either way no need for guilt. In a few years she’ll have a few classmates to invite but even then the guests who show up are the people meant to celebrate with her.

Do it anyway! If they don’t show up, yall have the time of your lives. They are missing out. You aren’t throwing her party so people will be there. You’re throwing her a party because it’s HER birthday

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She is a year old. Those are your issues and you are projecting them onto your baby instead of dealing with your issues.

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Invest quality time. That’s what kids remember.

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She won’t remember it, but you could still have a small party. Decorations, cake, etc. She will be happy with just her mommy there.

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stop feeling guilty . make it a day for just you and the baby

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She wouldn’t even remember the party girl! Anyone who matters will show up. You have lots of years to make her bday super special!

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It is ok, in my opinion, to only acknowledge her birthday with gifts if you cannot celebrate a big party. Where you need more work is not letting her feel the separation of you and your spouse.

She won’t even remember her 1st birthday anyway

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She won’t even remember this party

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Make it special. Photo shoot. A date with her. Cake and ice cream. You can take her somewhere, start a tradition where you go some place you normally wouldn’t to celebrate her.

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Your shouldn’t feel guilty about that. Let people who actually want to be part of her life be there. You shouldn’t have anyone around who gives half love, she deserves to be around people who love her 100%

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She will never remember her first birthday or 2 or 3 . To young . Only family was invited to babies and toddler’s Birthday in my family. But starting in kindergarten they had friends and real parties . My granddaughter we had swim parties where she had swim lessons during the week . 20 kids two life guards . Pizza drinks and chocolate chip cookie cake . All her friends came and came every year until middle school. Than the party venue changed

Don’t be hard on yourself Mom 🫶🏼
Do your best, with who you can & every year grow your village for her & support for you !!!

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She’s 1 … make her a small individual cake & decorate it, and put it in front of her & let her have at it!! You can get little things and wrap them individually with lots of bows and frilly ribbons … and let her tear them up! Take lots of pictures! If you have friends with children, invite them over … make a separate cake for everyone else to enjoy! If nobody shows up, you and your daughter will have a blast anyway!

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Family is not always blood. Start building your own tribe with friends.

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It’s not your fault her family is full of people who don’t care about her. People that can’t set aside their own feelings/issues with one another for a couple of hours for a child’s birthday party (or any special event) don’t deserve to be in that persons life.

Similarly, my parents are split and have been since I was 16. I am now 31 with an almost 3 year old and another on the way. My parents don’t particularly care to be around each other and My husbands family are hit or miss with each other and they have all been told that if they can’t figure their shit out then we don’t want them involved in HER DAY. simple.
My daughter’s birthday is a day to celebrate her and not meant to be a pissing match between members of her family. If they decide they want to argue or throw themselves during the event my husband will have no issue escorting them off our property (perks of him being a security guard for quite a while previously).

Point being, don’t feel guilty for other people’s stupidity. Cancelling her day isn’t going to help and it’s best she knows now who is really there for her and wants to be a part of life.

I had 3 family members show up to my daughters quinceñera. She had a good time that’s all that matters❤️ their loss my girl had a ball with just her friends and cousins that were there❤️

Oh I know the Drama. Have on 2 sides my Daughter’s married family and our family. I’ve been in that situation too. I say have the Party who comes,come and who don’t oh well. These days it’s about your Child not them who you invited… I know a person who had a party and stated she was only having for the presents. She to is a single Mom. But to say that and than she likes the money instead of toys and clothes… I don’t think you need to feel like your not a good Mom. For someone to stress our this situation is a Great Mom. Our daughters first bd we just did cake coffee for our little Family 35 years ago… Please don’t stress. God Bless you always and your Daughter too.

Take her somewhere special. The park, the zoo, the pool, the beach, wherever you live, just find something super fun to do to make memories. Keep a book for birthday photos only and every year go do something fun and take a silly photo together and put it in that book. Keep a wrist band or receipt from the day and put it on there. Give it to her when she graduates or has her own child, or whenever you feel she woukd appreciate it. Kids don’t remember gifts, they remember experiences.

She’s too young to remember. Spend time doing something fun with her (the park, library story hour, zoo…) and enjoy some cake with her. There will be time for parties in a few years when she’s old enough to remember them. You’re being a good mom.

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We don’t do birthday parties for that exact reason. Instead we do weekend trips.

Kids will remember what you do for them and with them. take her on a special trip for her birthdays. as she makes friends thru the years she can bring her best friends on the trips. She’ll remember those forever

You are celebrating though. You are having a party. You have cake, you have family (you), you have friends that will come, that’s a party. You are giving her everything you didn’t have. Just because it isn’t up to your standards doesn’t mean you aren’t doing it. Be kind to yourself! She will have pictures and stories that she was loved on her first birthday, and that’s really all that matters.

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She’s one, just have cake and ice cream with you and any close family or friends.

Honestly speaking your child won’t even remember her first birthday, so make it special but don’t overwhelm it. Your child will be happy just having her mommy and some sweet treats. Maybe go somewhere new or have a small get together with little one’s friends/ family. Get the ball pit out and some toys… your little one will never look back on her first birthday and feel like you’ve let her down, so don’t be so harsh on yourself! Take a step back and look at the bigger picture… the only thing your daughter needs is you and if you’re there then anything else is a bonus 🫶🏻 xx

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Just do all of her favorite things together for her bday. And make everything a big deal and a Wow! Sing the birthday song as loud and obnoxious as you can. YOU are there for her. That is what she will remember and hold dear to her for life. ‘Others may have not showed up for me, but my mom ALWAYS did no matter what’. That’s more important anyways. As the birthdays come, they will get easier. I just had a party for my 6 year old and was panicking that no kids were going to show. But they did and it all worked out great. Even though it’s easier said then done, try not to worry so much about what other people think. I’ve been on a mission with that, I’m not letting anyone stop me, myself especially. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Just love yourself, allow yourself to be human. Kids just want to see their moms happy. So try to find the joy with your daughter. Things will fall into place. :v:t3::purple_heart:

She’s doesn’t even know what any of that means and she wouldn’t remember the party anyway. Go small and enjoy time with the people who made time for her.

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Your daughter won’t remember who was there and what was done. Make the day showing for you and her and as time goes on invite people you’ve met along the way. Make a tradition that doesn’t necessarily mean family and friends. Do a 1 year photo shoot and cake smash. A mommy and me day, then a small open invite cake and ice cream if you want. That way you won’t spend so much money on entertaining other people and you’ll be able to measure the people who will show up.

Sweetie please don’t feel guilty, you have nothing to be guilty of. She will not remember this birthday so spend the day with her letting her spend time with her favorite person in her life which is you !
You have all of us who will send happy birthday wishes to her that you can screenshot for when she older. And I’m a Grammy of 6 so I’f she needs a virtual Grandparent just let me know .

Take her out somewhere that she likes? Bounce house, the park. Just anything really.

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Honestly I understand but at 1 they wont remember only you will remember and don’t get me wrong great memories but the one who is suppose to remember is the child.

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Make her day special between the two of you:)

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Don’t feel guilty you’re doing the best you can

She will feel special no matter what and honestly at age 1 they really don’t know what’s going on. Don’t be so hard on yourself, just do the best you can!! :heartpulse:

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She will not even remember her 1st birthday

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Have the party if that’s what you want to do go on to a mom’s site invite some people in your local area have it at a park do what you want to. all I have to say is that your baby only gets one first birthday and you do it however you feel comfortable

First…give yourself a break…you asked people and they won’t come. Second she is too young to know any different. Third get some friends that will be there for both you and your daughter

Buy a happy 1st birthday decoration sign, get a cake, few little things make a little staged area and set her up and take some photo and let her have a cake smash for memories for you and her. Forget everyone else, they obviously aren’t worth your time. Focus on your little one

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You and her together are enough. Build your village. Reach out to people in your community. Plan small meaningful gathering. Most importantly, do not parent from your hurt, you will only transfer insecurities. Make you and her enough and have a blast doing it! Never plan based on attendees. Plan to make it a party if the both of you’re the only ones at the party. I promise you it will be a refreshing change in perspective for you! This is coming from a former black sheep!:joy:

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Throw a party for her even if it’s just you! Enjoy it with her!

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