Any advice on yelling? I was told I yell at my child all the time. I don’t feel like I do all the time, but it is more than I’d like. I yell when I tell my child to stop doing something or to do something, and they don’t listen. I say over and over again. But I try not to yell. But after hours of not listening, I get mad and yell. It seems to be the only way to get my child to listen to me. Gezzzzz. So any advice in how to get my child to listen without yelling?
Count to ten before responding
see if anything in this article resonates with you:
Get down to their eye level and calmly talk about what needs done
Not listening. Sit in solitude with nothing.
Following I have the same problem
That’s a hard one, because our kids are so used to us mom’s 24/7 the 2nd we get on to them, and then we play will them shortly after and all. They don’t understand, vs someone who isn’t around all the time getting onto them then it’s different. Our kids are comfortable with us and think they cna do whatever, believe me I cna yell at my kid all day, or be sweet with him and he won’t listen. But the 2nd his dad or someone else gets into him he stops immediately, might have to be told a few times. But he’ll listen and the first person he runs to is me, and I turn around to walk off and tell him no.
I’m a shouter too sometimes don’t realise I am and how loud I am my kids know it’s just the way I talk n roll their eyes n don’t listen anyway ur not alone honestly I have been trying to learn how to lower my tone and stop and think does it actually work try sitting down chatting with them instead I’ve realised it works a lot better xx
Same boat mama. I swear they don’t listen until I lose it.
My fuse was getting shorter and shorter. Spoke to my dr, got put on some meds and I am much more calmer and reasonable tho I still do have my outbursts every now and again. Everyone is different tho.
Sincerely, A Mom who Yells
I’m a yeller I feel like it’s allll I do lol. no advice but good luck!
How to talk so kids will listen is a great book but takes a lot of patience and practice. If you want a quick fix, 123 magic may be more for you.
Also a fun game to practice listening skills is red light, green light.
Ppsssshhh if you figure out a solution I am all for it. I’m in the same boat, no one listens until I scream like a banshee and then I’m crazy because I’ve been telling my daughter for 5 hours to do the damn dishes. Ugh
I dont yell, i do however change the tone of ma voice and go deeper and ma daughters like oh shit she listens most of the time anytime it dunst work i just tell her in taking her toys away until shes done as shes told so mix of both n shes normally a very gid lassie
Girl thats me all day yell yell yell these little bad ass kids know what’s going to happen when they don’t listen lol it does suck and I hate doing it but I also don’t think its fair my 10 and 6 year old don’t listen and fight all the time
Kids don’t respond to yelling, especially if you yell a lot. I tell them in a calm, firm voice. If they misbehave, I take something away or make them write sentences. Always follow through with any punishment you put into place.
So people get loud when they aren’t feeling heard, it’s totally normal. How about when you’re giving the kid instruction you lean down to them, touch their arm and ask for eye contact so you know for sure the kid isn’t tuning you out. Confirm by saying something like “you hear me, correct?” And if they don’t answer try again. Shouldn’t take too long good luck
Following I have 3 teens and a 3 year old. My whole day is yelling
When you feel so mad that you wanna roar, take a deep breath… and count to four
Please let me know when you figure it out. Taking thing’s doesn’t work with my kid’s. I’m a firm believer in whipping and even that dosen’t work. Please no hate every parent is different. Grounding dosen’t work either.
Kids respond significantly more to positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement. Congratulate them for behavior you want instead of punishing behavior you don’t want. Obviously it’s easier said than done so always reinforce your punishments with a follow up calm conversation about why they’re being punished. Followed with reassurement that you love them and you are just teaching them to be a human. Patience and understanding are your best friends
Lots of great resources via Instagram! We all yell sometimes, give yourself some grace.
Transforming Toddlerhood with Devon Kuntzman
The Mom Psychologist
Our Mama Village
My kids are all adults living at home and I still have to yell lol been trying since they were little. Tried getting down to eye level being calm and what not, tried counting before yelling, tried everything. The only time I get results is if I yell lol. So to all you mamas yelling out there, no child has every died being yelled at. Yelling is better than hitting, grabbing, squeezing and so on.
I yell how to do get their attention and then tell them in a firm voice what they need to do or need not to do
I feel like it is just some moms personality to be a Yeller and the thing you really need to worry about is that your kids will grow up to be yellers or they will be yellers now which makes for a very loud household
By all means if you don’t mind the noise I don’t think it’s that big of a deal unless your own yelling is stressing you out
I was a yeller. I could not stand it but I was. One day I was yelled at. I immediately felt some type of way and instantly thought “this is how I make my kids feel every day” I changed my approach to how I reacted to them and that was roughly 9 years ago. I can only pray it was soon enough that they do not remember me that way!
I was a yeller, sometimes still do, but it was the only way to be heard as my daughter did NOT have an inside voice. I started leaving the room, she always followed me and it stopped the loudness so that I could reprimand in a normal voice.
Same here, momma! I try so hard but they know how to push me
Mine only listen if I day the “F” word.
Reading everyone’s advice and taking notes
kids already used to your yelling. try to be unpredictable when you are angry and be silent and ignore them. kids don’t like the feeling of mum not being there all the time for them and realise to behave themselves.good luck
I wish I knew. I yell too sometimes but I try not to. It’s hard when they won’t listen. My son just turned 3 in November.
Get down so you are at eye level to them and whisper or talk in a calm, low voice. It’s ok to walk away and catch your breath and composure first we all lose it every once in a while. I admire you for acknowledging this and wanting to change it. Proof you are a wonderful mother.
Following im in the same boat lol
Watch super nanny or nanny 911 on you tube
It’s not going to change until you change your approach. Get creative with it. Depending on how old the child is maybe physically help then do it. Maybe they don’t know or understand how to do it and it ends up overwhelming them and then you. For every action their is a reaction and how you react to them means all the difference. Sometimes the best thing to do is walk away, and then come back to it later. What we may see as a big deal isn’t to them.
Like instead of yelling at my kid to clean their room anymore. I simply give them a firm date and time. I say what’s not cleaned to my standard by this time is free game. And I go in and throw EVERYTHING away… If I think my child has at least tried to make an effort since my standards are much higher then she can comprehend, I invite her to help me. I say I see you tried your best so instead of me throwing it away, why don’t we try and get it up to my standards together. If she has no interest I throw everything away. If she does want to help the. I let her take the lead and I just help…it really just comes down to how much patience you have.
Highly highly highlyyyyy recommend
Try not to be too hard on yourself! I think most of us are guilty of this. I feel the exact same way and while I don’t believe this is an excuse for it, I try and remind myself while it’s not the healthiest at least we’re communicating, and to just continue to work towards healthier communication. I always apologize to my sons after I do lose my cool and explain that mommy gets frustrated when she says things over and over and no one listens… My oldest is just over 2 but he grasps the concept.
As a mom of a now 24-year-old daughter and 21-year-old son, I have 3 pointers that changed so much for me. I was going through a divorce and decided to go to college at 37. Graduated at 42. These saved my relationship with my kids, who were 12 and 9 when I changed my way of thinking.
Choose your battles. Allow them time to see the error in their ways.
Instead if of raising your voice, lower your voice. Whisper. Trust me.
(This picture saved me! I keep it on my cell phone and still look at it often.)
I work with troubled youth and their families. The families who allow this to happen have seen drastic, positive changes.
Honestly, I had to get strict for a few weeks with constantly asking them to repeat what I said to them, if they couldn’t they had to sit in time out for a couple of minutes then I’d repeat what I said and ask them to repeat it back and when they did it again they had to sit back down again. So that they knew I was being serious and that I shouldnt have to repeat myself all day long till I started yelling to make sure they heard me.
I use to have this problem. Really learning to choose your battles and distract your kid when something’s a no.
I feel like I was to wound tight with my first out of fear of the unknown; like will they get hurt if do that, if I don’t stop this now theyll never listen to me, etc… And now with my 3rd I’ve chilled out a ton more. Some stuff isn’t worth being stressed abt all the time plus some stuff ya got to let your kid learn on their own with cause and effect.
Try this when in the motion of its something your abt to yell abt stop, grab your kid have sit dwn w you and just say a calm n simple no. Whatever they’re doing if you can point to it or hold it, then distract with something else they can do instead.
We are all guilty of the telling theirs no rule book parenting is so hard!
just trial and error of things that you find to wrk. Give your child more cuddles … An old woman have me that advice years ago and she said trust me it works to keep your baby minding you more… I thought she crazy but I was a desperate new mom lol and ya know… It does 🤷
If I get to the point that I want to yell I put mini in time out. I slip and yell WAY more often than Id like. Most of my family function at a high volume and sometimes the yelling is whats necessary. More often than not we yell to get their full attention(ovens on, touching stove knobs, climbing with impending doom fall etc). Keep your head up mama, we all lose our cool from time to time.
Try to record yourself and check after you had time to think about it. You will see what is happening even when you don’t realise at the time
I am so sick and tired of being told I yell all the time. I swear my parents and inlaws think I wake up yelling. I have 3 kids all adopted. 2 who constantly do not listen and I have to repeat myself. One of the 2 can not hear me unless I yell at him. I can be right next to him and say his name or stop and he won’t. I will repeat it 6 or 7 times before I actually yell. And grandparents who don’t spend all day with them are all “Oh poor baby, don’t yell at him”. The one grandma (biologically related to middle child, and is one of the problem children) who has them 2 times a month for 2 or 3 days came home with them last weekend and apologized. She was like I get it, and left quickly. When I asked them what happened, my oldest of an angel was like these two fought the whole time and grandma yelled. I just had to laugh. So believe me, I doubt you yell a lot. I bet people who think they know better should spend a week with your kids and then they would be praising your name.
Set up a video of yourself as you go through your day. You may be corrected… but you may also find how hard you love your family… don’t yell… kids are only lil for a bit… but don’t be too hard on yourself.
Happens to the best of us anyone who says they don’t yell at their kids sometimes is a liar lol
- plaster the biggest smile you can manage on your face
- get the kiddos attention
- while maintaining the smile, speak quietly, even a whisper, as long as they can understand you
It’s hard to have an angry voice when you’re smiling like an idiot, and I’ve learned it’s when I get really quiet that my kids actually listen, because they know I am making a conscious effort not to lose my .
Does it always work? Nope, sometimes my kids are just little assholes.
Probably you need some chill pills your nerves are probably put of whack. Sorry I don’t know the technical term. Talk with your Dr.
Everything will be ok, relax and remember this too shall pass.
Make eye contact, drop to their height level and talk quietly. If you want them to listen in the first place, say their name and look them in the face. Tell them it’s important (if it is).
Same here. I do time outs because they don’t listen I try to get their attention because half the time I think they can’t listen cus they are distracted. Wasn’t the case. But when I tell it gets them to do it immediately. I wish they would listen before I yell or at least listen within the first 10 times of me asking and before times out and loss of toys
3 deep breaths. In through the nose out through the mouth. Hold each breath for a couple of seconds. I also count to 3 to my kids if I get to 3 they get in trouble. After the first few times of getting to 3 they learned and i usually don’t have to get to 3 anymore
Depends on their age. Toddler? Take them to do or stop doing what you just said. Tweens? Tell them if they want to [insert punishment here, eg. keep their switch, get dessert, continue living under your roof, etc] they need to xyz done/stop doing xyz by x time or the punishment will be enacted, and follow through. In between ages can do time out or privilege removal too. Consistency is key. Only give them consequences you can follow through on, and walk them through the task anyway. Teens hate being treated like toddlers. lol
I think my issue with this is I wasn’t following through. If I said it once and they do not listen, there are immediate consequences. They learn really quickly to do it the first time I ask now. No more yelling. It’s great.
I count backwards from 10 after that I tell my daughter time out and she goes to her room then in the arvo I make her play outside
I have introverted teens, so wifi is more important than food. When I know I’m going to remind them about chores or a task I need, I make time to compliment them on something first when I see them earlier in the day. Once complimented, I ask about plans for later and then throw in the gentle reminder about chores with a deadline. “Friend picking you up for school, great, remember trash out before you go.” For last minute reminders, I do a “let me move this so you can get the trash out” or “any trash in your room to bring to the kitchen? It’s 7:30am and almost time for you to take out” type thing. I’ve gone to them too and held their phones/xbox/book in chore jail until the task was done and they could apologize and explain what they’d do differently next time. And if they still forget, I yell. I try to save yelling for big ticket trouble or safety to get their attention faster. And when it happens, I yell at them that they’re grounded until I’ve calmed down enough to discuss what happened. They get a day or two to stew over it and I get time to reflect.
I’m loud I yell good bad or indifferent sometimes its just who u are if yr angry yelling sometimes its needed cuz mums can lose their shit too n its normal!! but if your overly angry n yelling try screaming into a pillow b4 I know it sounds stupid but it worked for me a few times xo
Chore chart with behavior goals. Ours included getting up without a fuss, brushing teeth without a fuss, getting dressed without dawdling, no fighting in the car, etc. Gold stars and a reward for X number a week (don’t expect them to be perfect).
Family meetings once a week or more to discuss problems and solutions. Everyone has a say, and you focus on what can happen vs. what can’t. Kids want pizza or macaroni and cheese every night. No to that but once a week each if they also eat a colorful vegetable and fruit. Hold an object while speaking so no one else can say anything. The next person to speak gets the object and everyone’s undivided attention until they’ve said their piece. Even the youngest kids can come up with solutions and consequences.
Instead of yelling about something, put it on the agenda for the next family meeting.
i had a friend that yelled at her kids constantly they never heard her
Same way I’ve stopped any bad behavior. Be aware of it, and just stop doing it.
Try reading “How to stop losing your shit with your kids”
Great book and, while I haven’t stopped yelling, I yell a lot less and do better at communicating with my 12 year old
Coffee. Have coffee first thing in the morning before you begin your day. It works for me. Kids know moms a bitch before coffee and they know not to push buttons till my cup is empty.
Often anxiety plays out as a short temper.
I have been told the same thing! First time instruction (stop, because harm, wrong,dumb,wasteful, the hard way)
2nd time repeat with reinforcement of reason to stop or follow first instructions usually followed by I said so!
3rd time elevated tone and hand gesture
4th time husband says " why are you yelling "
The reason your kids don’t listen is because if you yell all the time, they can tell the difference between nice mom/dad and disciplinary mom/dad. Kids need to know which is which so they know when they’re in trouble or not, so you really need to find a way to take a breath BEFORE you react even if you had a hard or bad day at work. Kids shouldn’t know about work, financial, marital /relationship or any other stressful day to day issue until they get into their later teens. Being a kid these days are pretty hard for kids especially with social media pressures and bullying. I’m not saying keep them sheltered or anything, just a controlled learning about that stuff, just make sure it’s being taught by you and if you want them to learn that from you and be prepared and not just learn how to yell all the time at your cuter grandchildren, then you need to figure you out before it’s too late to be corrected. Believe me, it might not bother you now or you might not see it, but I Guarantee it definitely bother you when you see your kids doing it to your Grandchildren knowing you could have done something to break that chain a long time ago.
Go with God
You need to stop talking and take action. Tell them to stop with a warning. If they don’t then take action by removing the issue, timeout, removing activities. There will come a time that they will not hear anything but a yell. We saw this with my brothers children. His wife was a yeller. Worst kids!
Quit yelling tell them first time they dont listen then you make there be consequences time out a spanking ect
I use to yell a lot because i felt the same way, ive been working on it. I talk in a calm manner but stern and make sure to say their name so they know im serious if they dont listen or throw a tantrum no warning just straight to time out and an explanation for why. Sometimes you just to have to communicate sternly for them to understand instead of reacting out of frustration and anger
I stopped yelling in anger and used my words. I always gave my boys the choice but with each choice came a reaction. For each no or not listen came a 3 from me. for each good time listened came 3 positives. They caught on really fast, if mom isn’t to tired from us all day she will go with us to the park or we can have some fun. However if mom is not helped out then we don’t get to go do stuff cause she is tired. We would also do nothing days. We wild stay in our jammies and eat bad food and watch tv. It was a great balance, now they are older and when I ask for help they may not like it but they do it without a fuss.
Yelling is a side effect of being frustrated. Don’t get frustrated. BE CONSISTENT and FOLLOW THROUGH
I’m doing a program called Positive Parenting Solutions because I yell a lot and I don’t like the way it makes me fell or my kids. I’ve only been doing it a week or so and have only touched the surface of the program but have noticed a HUGE difference already.
I have been like this and am still like this on days, from the kids not listening to me having lack of patience.
I found creating a new way of dealing with behaviour I didn’t want planning that out ie backchatting turn off devices and time out then sticking to it and just repeat till they do it calmly and direct ‘you will go and sit in time’ and not answering distracting questions x
Following I have a 16 year old and she is on my last nerve. I tell her to do something and she don’t but when her bf mom has a hurt toe or something she would clean. Her house for her. I have crohn’s disease and I fall I’ll sometimes and she does nothing for me after I feel better I end up cleaning everything
I read the whole brain child. Game changer.
Then I read all the books they wrote.
I have extreme cycles of abuse to over come and this helped the most.
I also break tasks down into smaller portions.
Because it’s not that they don’t do it. They probably can’t Because of development or overwhelming feelings.
Depending on the age of the child, if a toddler, try kneeling down to their eye level and asking them if they understand what you want them to do and have them repeat it back to you. i.e.“Please don’t stand on the back of the couch, it is not made for that and you can fall and get hurt” then ask them to repeat it back to you. This actually works until about 10-11, if you don’t behave in the store and follow the rules, we will leave. Make sure they all understand, then leave if you have to.
Do you have punishments for when they don’t listen? Like a time out? My Mom had 10 kids and never yelled at us. She said kids ears close to it. She would sit us down, explain what we did wrong and put us in time out. It worked for my 3 as well. The times I find myself yelling, I walk away from the kids and have a few moments to myself then I try again.
I find myself in the same spot sometimes.
I try to present it like a choice of theirs to make rather than a punishment of mine to give.
So if they have to pick up their legos but aren’t- give them their choice- 1) pick up the legos and continue with the day
Or 2) you can have a time out and I’ll clean up the legos- but if I do they go away for a day/week.
After asking twice present them with that choice to make.
Just rephrasing it like a choice they make separates you from the idea that you are punishing them, and separates them from the idea that you are just being mean- now they know it’s up to them.
Once you change the language you use- no you arent as connected to the matter. You arent punishing the child- you’re carrying out consequences that they chose.
Obviously this is a small change- and it’s not gonna make your kidos behave perfectly. It’s mostly just a tool I try to use to keep both sides calm instead of yelling and fighting eachother.
It depends how old your child is if they’re 4 and under shouting dosent work and neither does smacking ( not that I’d ever even dare smack my kids) as they’re still learning teach them the way ect x
Teach Remind Remove.
Teach them what is expected. Give ONE reminder. Then a consequence. Either they sit out or the activity is removed.
If a child is misbehaving & you told them you are going to take something from them or do something to them follow thru no matter how much you dont like it. They will know you mean what you say & you wont have to yell anymore. Try it. It might work
Take a step back and evaluate your mental health. I would yell a ton at my children and I was unhappy. I left that toxic marriage and very seldom find myself yelling at my children. Just a thought.
Talk quiet and quieter the more upset you get. Your child will have to force themselves to also be quieter to be able to hear you. Worked for mine
Girl same there is no you yell too much when you have kids honestly…and those who have said you do obviously arent with them 24\7 everyday. And if they dont listen send them to their rooms for time out and keep up with it everytime they dont listen so when they do something they know uh oh I’ll be sent to my room for however long and thats without toys and tv or tablets etc
Many years ago, I read a really awesome book, “Have A New Kid By Friday” by Kevin Lehman. There was another by him, “How To Make Your Kids Mind Without Losing Yours”. I highly recommend these books. They are non-judgemental and offer simple ways to start changing our (the parents’) behavior which teaches our children new behaviors/expectations.
When you figure it out let me know…
The understanding that your kids aren’t doing something to you, they’re doing something that they need to (ie testing boundaries, figuring out rules, etc) is the only way I could stop, and consistency like it’s going out of style. You know how much you want your man to be consistent? Double that
Steve, you have to develop the death stare👀
F … i yell way to much to and they stil dnt listen …
Draw the line, follow thru on punishment listed by you!!! Follow thru most important.
Take away something they love and use a lot. (phone, computer games, etc.)
When you feel like you’re gonna yell, deep breath and walk the fuck away
Im the same way girl😭
Not sure how old your child is… but I found that asking their help to do something works great. My son loves to help make dinner. He thinks it pretty cool he can use an adult sharp knife while cooking. My daughter loves to clean. (Anything but her room). Hand her a rag and have her dust or clean windows and mirrors. Or hand her the mini broom and dust pan. Include them in what you’re doing. And I’m trying my best to stay positive with them. Mine is. Let’s work together and get dinner done. Then we can ________ (watch a movie, read a book, play a game. ) anything that includes them cuddling.
I used to yell alot, but then I saw down one night and thought how would I feel if an adult was yelling at me. So for me to change i let little things go, no toys in the lounge if there were and weren’t picked up by 5pm automatically rubbish bin, if dishes weren’t done I started to buy plastic plates n cutlery, food tastes like crap off those things. Bedroom that’s there mess to clean. Instead of time out I gave my kids a hammer n nails and let them loose on the back fence, I don’t yell much anymore it’s a tough road. But you got this.
I’m.there with ya. Theses kids just dont listen now a days. I still after 15 times of repeating myself. However having my meds readjusted helped with the anger some
Spank them the first time and then you won’t have to yell to get them to listen at all
Tell them calmly once maybe twice and then you have to make them do it. If you don’t back up your threats, they aren’t going to listen to you ever. You have to follow through on what you say. Kids remember everything.
Do you know what, if I was an admin here I would remove anyone who put a laughing emoji on this post.
Rude ass people.
I don’t really have much advice on how to stop yelling so much besides the obvious but I can assure you that they won’t remember it. : )
Be on their azz dont give them time to Lally gag. Turn sh$t off. And firmly let them know get up start your chores or clean up your mess as you stand right next to them since they don’t know how unsupervised.