How do I bring up the subject of my bf’s family leaving my daughter out on outings this summer? We recently moved in with each other, and since summer started, his kids get picked up at least 3x a week from various family members and go swimming, wave pool, or just for lunch or something. I won’t know about it until my daughter texts me asking to pick her up, so she’s not home alone when I’m at work. From what I know, I have a pretty decent relationship with his family, and they have always been really sweet to my daughter, but not it’s like she doesn’t even exist to them. Her father isn’t around, and my family is super small, so she doesn’t have people to pick her up like that, and the weekends I try to get her out and do things with her, but then that also includes my bf’s likes so they are getting an extra outing to her one and that’s if we are able to do anything cuz total it’s 6 of us, and that gets really expensive. I just feel my daughter is missing out because I have to work and we have no family; I’m not expecting them to take her every time hell, I’ll even give money but they. I have mentioned it to his bf, but half the time, he doesn’t know they left until I get the text from my daughter and I tell him. I just need help on this situation without starting any drama since his family is one who will take it the wrong way…thanks, my daughter is 12, so she’s definitely old enough to notice
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I talk to my boyfriends family about leaving my daughter out?
I would never come to my children’s house to get my grandkids and leave a 12 year old sitting at home alone if she wanted to come with. That’s just awful honestly.
Maybe you could ask him to talk to said family members and see if they will take your little girl too. Maybe they don’t take her because they aren’t sure if you’d mind or not granted they could ask but still.
I would just talk to them and ask if maybe it would be okay if they took her. Tell them you will leave her money and such to go.
I’m sorry its happening to your daughter. I my self bring any child with me from the neighborhood ( parents permission of course) because I would never want a child to feel left out I just took a bunch to a local fair when they’re parents where working. Id sit down and have a conversation asking if maybe your daughter could go on a few outings you’d even pay
I would just ask them next time they go somewhere if she could go to. She doesn’t like staying home alone and you will send money with her. If you have a good relationship with the family it shouldn’t be a problem. They should offer in the first place
Just talk to them. Simply say “hey. I appreciate your relationship with the kids, and you helping out, but I have noticed -12 year old- is starting to feel left out. Can you please include her?”
Unfortunately they have no obligation to your child
Do they have your number? Maybe they aren’t sure if you will let her go? Could be miscommunication. But I’d say something.
It’s hard when the people you need to talk to won’t hear you and take shit wrong. I would have done lost my shit on all of them. I would consider a summer activity and when someone say something just be up front about she never got to go do XYZ so you found something for her to do.
Talk to the family and ask
Poor girl thats definitely going to effect her i think you should take her out on her own just specail mummy daughter day. But you definitely need to talk to there family and ask why they keep leaving her out
Dump the whole family. They are self absorbed and this includes the BF. If the BF cared, he would intercede.
I would ask them if they cared if my daughter tagged along in there outings. I would also ask them how much money she would need for the outings so you will know how much to give her. I would add that if it would be a problem for them to include her that was ok too this way it won’t cause drama. Good luck and God bless.
Ask them why they don’t take your daughter also? This is tough and a similar situation I’ve been in. In my case, we cut that entire side of the family out of our lives (husband included). If it’s about money, offer to pay, if it’s about flat out neglecting your child, boundaries need to be set. Ultimately, my question is why do they have the right to pick up kids that are meant to be in your care without your being notified ahead of time?
Well to be honest. You two are a package deal.
I cannot fathom someone seeing a 12 year old that wants to be included and just leaving them alone by themselves and taking the other kids…like that instantly broke my heart. I would go straight to the family and bring up the obvious mental and emotional toll it takes on a child to be completely left out. And as for the weekends or whenever with your daughter you should take one day for just you guys and have mommy daughter bonding time. Your bf and his kids do not always need to be included for every single time you get to spend time with your daughter.
It’s just human decency that they shouldn’t leave out a child… for your boyfriend to have not noticed or said anything he’s just as bad. All kids deserve love. I wouldn’t let any go if they couldn’t all go! Y’all are a package deal now.
I would talk to them about it but it may come down to if you can’t take them all then none can go. But idk if your bf would be on board with that. It’s also a little strange that they would leave her home alone and that your bf has no idea they are taking them before it happens.
Shoot a text to them all: “I left some money on the table in case you drop by. Take them all or leave them all. We don’t exclude people here. If that offends you talk to (insert boyfriend’s name).” They know what they’re doing. If it was a matter of permission they would have contacted you already.
You need to invite there family members over for dinner and tell them how it is hurting your daughter and offer to their faces to pay for her to go to these places with them. Just talk to them nicely about how she feels left out and you don’t mind if she goes along.
Sounds like your daughter needs some family time with just herself. She’s been left out of things and it’s not fair. Grant it the family doesn’t have obligations to her but you’re with their son so she’s part of the family now too. Definitely offer money just to show appreciation and take her out for mommy and daughter day with just you two.
Keep your weekends for just you and your daughter.
I guess I would just talk or have my BF talk to them🤷♀️ honestly I’m shocked they haven’t extended the invite to your daughter. I could never just leave 1 behind. I feel so sad for your daughter she definitely deserves some 1/1 time
Thus hurts me to think about your daughter left out. I understand them not having to be obligated to your daughter but what adult does that? How do you leave 1 child out? I say just tell them like it is. Either they ALL go or no one goes
Well, SOMEONE must know they are coming to get the kids. THAT someone should say that your daughter is going also if it’s okay with everyone. Depending on that answer would depend on if I stayed with the boyfriend or not. Hey, I’ve given up a decent man or two over my kids with no regrets.
Personally I as a mother… I can never let anyone mistreat my daughter like that. I would rather leave the relationship to make my daughter happy. I think they don’t like her daughter and that’s why they acting like that. But being nice to her. They are fake! I would tell them peace of my mind. I dont care who will hate me after that. They are grown adults and know exactly what they doing. My daughter will always come first before any man. And I feel your boyfriend should of said something already to them.
They know what they’re doing, talk to them for sure
To be honest if they WANTED to take her they would’ve asked you if they could, if you ask them to take her, it would be like forcing them and then she would probably feel uncomfortable even if they did take her, I would send my BF to ask them why they’re not considering her when taking the other kids, although he also doesn’t seem to have a problem with that, since it’s happened several times before 
, maybe the talk you should be having is with your BF
I don’t care if we’re blood related or if I have any obligation For any child, if I’m going to pick up kids from that place I’m going to make sure every kid is invited and feels part of the family!!
Is that’s what good caring family does!!!
No child deserves to be left out and it is disgusting that some adults would think it’s OK .
I would call a family meeting and say hey I have some worries.
She is 12 and it is very obvious to her when anyone comes and takes all the other children and leaves her home, it is hurting her feelings .
As adults I hope you take this to heart and make sure she is more included in this family because if she is not then we can distance ourselves from you because I will not have her hurt, that is unacceptable. Personally If my daughter was treated like that in that home I would be looking for other accommodations. I am the one who chooses who my children are exposed to, and leaving a child out is shitty.
I judge a person by their character and how a person treets a child shows me they have a little character.
I would just ask them. Maybe they dont know that they have your permission, although I’m sure they have your number and could have asked. Depending on their answer is how I would act after that. Tell them you will leave whatever the cost of the outing is. If they continue to not include her I would rethink being part of this family, they obviously dont want your daughter included and that would mean I got away from them fast. On the weekends just take your daughter, the other kids already had their outings and no reason your daughter should miss out because you can’t pay for all of them, or ask their dad to foot their cost.
Invite them over and make a dinner at the table let your daughter Express herself and with everyone there ask why is it like this
How could they not think of her and just leave her out?!? I’d be pissed! Cant act pissed tho. I would ask nicely if your daughter did something wrong…Why would they purposely hurt her feelings? That’s how I would start it. Ask if she did something. That will help them realize. Offer $. Maybe that’s it. Poor thing.
Just ask them if she can go and if they say no/make up an excuse, then that’s when I’d get ugly about it
Your boyfriend should speak to them about it, and ask them if there is a particular reason why they are leaving her out, and let them know that it’s hurtful.
Being a single mom with a small family, i totally understand how you feel. First of all, I know you are a working mom and that takes times away from your daughter, but try your best to be there for her and do things with her one on one. She will soak that up. Second, just sit down and have a heart to heart with the family members… maybe they don’t want to intrude and feel the same way you do. It might just be a lack of communication. Good luck 
Is it possible your boyfriends kids want time alone away from your daughter and have said something to his family?
What are the age differences?
Is there conflict between the children or too big of an age gap?
Have their father speak to his children family privately and to his family.
You and your boyfriend may think you are a family but it’s possible the children and other family members don’t.
I understand where you are coming from. And not taking their side but shining the light in another perspective.
- Your right it is shitty of them.
- You said he’s only your bf right
if you were married it might be different. - They have every right to make this choice no matter how unfair it looks.
- They may not want to get attached to a child who isn’t married into the family.
- Expenses for an extra kid maybe an issue.
I don’t think you should address it. Talk to your daughter and come up with things to do with you and her.
They should be ashamed of themselves. They know she wants to go. My children are all adopted. We are in contact with daughters bio-grandma. On her dad’s side. She takes all the kids and even includes my friends kids if they are around. Your BF should speak to them.
I would just send a text or however you communicate with them that says hi I just wanted to reach out and say that it’s totally okay for “daughter” to go with you guys next time you pick up the kids. I’ll have some money ready for her and thank you guys for being so welcoming to us in your family. - then it makes it seem like they have an excuse for not “knowing” she could go- it stops any family drama or bad feelings- gets point across in a good way.
Oh 
poor girl !!! (
) That’s mean & unthoughtful !!! I’d DEFINITELY have a serious talk with your man !! She must feel SO left out - this could be very detrimental to her sense of belonging !! It needs to change !! Make it very clear - maybe even have a talk with his mom / other family members ?
They know what they’re doing is wrong I’d talk to them If that don’t work then never have a problem making sure the kid is happy his family sounds very rude acting like this.
I may get heat for this but if my child is not included or Im not being asked for them to go, then I would never ask anyone to take them. My sister has all boys and my daughter is the oldest girl (I have two) she is 2 years older than my son and would get invited to the movies, outings, shopping, even to hawaii! But not my son. I started saying she could not go because her brother can’t go. Then it was because they only had room for one more which I totally understood but still, I said no. Then I was told it’s not fair for my daughter to miss out since my son would sometimes go and still I said no. You cannot change everyone else and it won’t be fair if his kids miss out but your family unit comes first and those are rules you and your boyfriend will implement so that it is fair for you all in your home. Personally at this point, I wouldn’t let her go because it will feel forced. I’d take her out just you and her and spend some one on one time with her.
Also maybe explain the feelings to your bf then the other kids that bc they get to go here and there all the time and she’s been left out that you will be taking your daughter out this weekend to do something then afterwards you will pick them all up and go for icecream or something. Then it’s honest and in a good way and even a small child would understand that. Tell your bf you love your family youve created with him and this will help so you don’t feel like she’s being treated differently or left out.
When my daughter entered a new relationship it came with two new children. I continued picking up my grandson but not the other two. I didn’t realize they might want to come hang out too. It took my new granddaughter a year to express how left out she felt. I wish I’d have been more intuitive. Now we all do things , sometimes separately and sometimes together. Perhaps they are slow to see, like I was…
You have stated that you “recently” moved in together. Perhaps they honestly don’t know that it’s okay with you to take her along. They can’t read minds if it’s not been discussed. I would simply have an adult conversation and let them know not only would your daughter love it, you would appreciate it since she doesn’t have a biological extended family. Letting them know that you and she view them as “family” will I’m sure make them feel included in “your world” as well.
Be a grown woman and speak.
Make your boyfriend say something. That’s pretty crappy on his familys part.
We have a blended family. The rule is, include all children or miss out on all children. Regardless. My bonus babes will be treated exactly the same.same as my children. And if family refuses, then they no longer will be allowed around any of them.
But I would just sit down and have an adult conversation about it. Let them know how it’s affecting your child, offer to pay for her outings with them if need be. But just tell them you want your daughter to be treated equally.
I go through this with a blended family, start off by casually just bringing it up, like hey if u don’t mind could (daughter) start being included on these outings because I know she probably feels left out. Then see what they say and go from there. Definitely speak up
I’d tell him that if they don’t take all they can’t take any. If they do, than you just go out with your daughter and leave the others behind. Do super fun things with her so she feels special too.
Maybe if they womt include her have a girls night in popcorn movie and cuddles and then make it fun for her having a girly time with her mum and do a little hobby with her little building them little houses you can build from scratch would be fun for her
First id ask how long youve known your bf and his family. Dose she cl him dad, Are there marriage plans for you both? Your asking your boyfriend family to include your child thats eeally nothing to do with them, and slating them for not doing that. Try inviting the other children to yours for play and tea and once the kids become best buds they will ask their parents to include your daughter.
I would call a meeting with him and his family and be like wtf is the issue.and if they dont change and invole her I would say time to find a new man no child should ever be left behind or feel unwanted
I would have your bf talk to them. Also if you guys are a new relationship maybe they just don’t know if they’re allowed to.
I feel awful for this little girl. I’m sorry but if your bf (although he finds out that same day it happens way too often!) hasn’t said anything to his family members he really doesn’t have a problem with it. You need to spend one on one time with her, forget the other 3 kids who get to do fun things during the week with cousins etc! I also have a VERY BIG problem with those adults leaving a 12 yr old home alone…
Your boyfriend should talk to his family. And personally I wouldn’t like anyone coming to my house and taking my children without asking me first. But I’d definitely do some weekend stuff without his kids. Like just you two
I think i’d tell them at dinner, "Saturday morning is a trip to the mall for shopping, and lunch (something special), who’d like to come? Then when they say they do, say, "Oh, but that’s not fair as “your” daughter didnt was excluded when they went swimming etc, so sorry. What do they think they could do to make things fair? "
Can you just shoot a text and say ’ hay can my baby girl go next time too? I don’t mind paying for her at all. :)"
Take ALL THE KIDS OR NONE OF THE KIDS!
I would ask him to talk to his family, like hey why don’t you take her too? Or just casually mention to them that next time they come get his kids for something your daughter was wondering if she could come too and let them know you’d be happy to leave her spending money for whatever it is. Maybe that will open it up. I would like to HOPE that they’re not doing this maliciously but my experience says otherwise. Just try to open up a conversation about it though without being accusatory.
Maybe they don’t know if you would allow her too , speak up.
Is their enough room in the vehicle for her also ? Not that that would be an adequate excuse
Since your relationship is still in the new stages, they may not have considered taking your daughter. I have 5 bonus grands and 1 new baby grand. I love them all. I think a casual conversation about the situation telling them you consider all of them family and that you are from a very small family and would love for your daughter to get to know them better. And, yes, offer to pay her way as a consideration. Just keep love in mind when sharing. Here is another thought, since you and your bf are not married, they may be afraid of getting attached and if it doesn’t work out she will not be in their lives any more. I pray God will guide you and give you the wisdom you need to address the issue. Also, your bf should be included in this conversation…a show of support. But most of all keep love and feelings in mind. God bless❤
This is not acceptable. A child should never be left out. Are you sure you’re daughter doesn’t decline the invite because she feels shy? It’s hard to believe that grown ups, parents themselves, would pick up 3 of 4 kids and feel okay about that. Your boyfriend needs to talk to his family about not leaving any child out because this will affect your daughter and her self esteem and its not okay in my books. Thats simply my opinion and I may be wrong. But it doesn’t feel right
Tell them in a nice way that it’s pretty much all or none. 
I’d be sitting them down and saying If my daughter can’t be included in the summer fun then none of the kids will. By the sounds of it ur daughter isn’t ur boyfriend’s kid which is probably why they are leaving her out of everything. But id definitely be telling them to include ur daughter or none at all
All children should be included no matter who they belong to if 1 goes they shall go
I would kindly just ask them if they could include her next time they go on an outing and if so how much money can you leave for her so she can go. Maybe they assume you wouldn’t be okay with it? If they don’t include your daughter you don’t need to include your bf on your outings. Next time they do it, take her out and get her nails done just the two of you or take her out and go swimming. Spend one on one time with her. Or talk to your employer and tell them you can no longer work the weekends and see if they have any other availability for you. If not maybe look for a different job. It’s awful how she must be feeling by being left out. I cannot believe they would do that to her.
I would take my daughter and do things with her , just you and her,
Your bf’s parents may like you and your child just fine. But they may not consider you family just because you moved in together. You’re not married. But even if you get married they do not have any obligation to take your child when they spend time with their grandchildren. If your child’s father or grandparents had visitation with your daughter, they wouldn’t pick up your bf’s kids for the weekend and take them. (For example) This is what happens in blended families with different parents. Custody agreements do not include step children or bf/gf’s kids.
That’s not the norm.
For example; a single Mom can have 2 kids, with 2 different Dad’s ,and The father’s do not take both kids when they have visitation, they each take their own child in most circumstances.
And they probably wouldn’t ask their parents to take the other Dad’s kids.
The grandparents want to spend time with their grandkids,it’s not their job to include someone else’s child. If you do get married and your bf’s parents become closer to your child ,perhaps they will feel differently sometimes or not. But that’s not something you’re entitled to and it’s their option. Your bf’s kids do not have to share everything with your child and vice versa. They are allowed and have a right to spend time with their family alone if they choose. And the Grandparents have that same right if that’s what they want. Why would you want your child included if she isn’t invited and isn’t welcome anyway?
You can spend time with your child one on one, just the two of you ,and your bf can do that with his kids too. That doesn’t change because you moved in together. Your bf’s Grandparents aren’t doing anything wrong.
If you over step by making this about you or your child ,you risk hurting your bf’s kids and their relationship with their grandparents. That’s not your place.And it will create problems with you ,and your bf and his kids.
I’d just ask them if they could take her next time they pick up the kids. Tell them that she doesn’t to go out much & is left alone when they take the other kids. Maybe they just dont think of her. Maybe they don’t have enough seats in their car? Or possibly a money issue. Just talk to them, find out what the issue & come to a compromise to solve it.
You shouldn’t have to say a word your bf should do it. Its a shame that he hasn’t already. This could be a red flag! Dump the whole family.
I be honest. “I have a question and pls don’t take it the wrong way, don’t take what I’m saying in a negative way, I’m sincerely curious, why when everyone goes out, you don’t include my child? Not that you’re obligated to, I’m just asking so I know to plan things ahead and who I should and shouldn’t include”
Ask if you all can plan something for the kids to go together. Mention how much your daughter enjoys spending time with everyone.
He would have to be the one otherwise they won’t listen.
you’re boyfriend should bring it up to his family, you shouldn’t have to.
I’d be more concerned that they are taking the other kids and leaving her home alone. That’s just unsafe. At least if you had notice of these outings then you could arrange for your daughter to be at a friends house or arrange something around your working hours so you and her could do something together. Unfortunately you can’t force your child on someone but you can arrange things that suit your new family dynamic.
Unpopular opinion but I think its embarrassing to even consider saying anything. Like how? They aren’t related. There’s no obligation and instead of saying my poor child. Do what you have to do on your part to make sure you give your child all the love and care you can. Make sure she goes more with her real family. In general, (in the world) There’s already issues with family excluding other family so to exclude someone who isn’t its like i think instead teach your kid to understand why they might not take her its not her family. I feel like it’s not just being left out its also making a kid feel entitled or weak. If you teach kids from an early age not to take shit personal and such maybe they wouldn’t be so sensitive. Hell I used to get worked about family treating my kids different and they were related. I can’t even see myself giving a damn if someone who isn’t related not including my kid. Came to realize I have a huge family who actually cares and loves my kids just as everyone else in my family so I stopped giving a damn. Plus trust me if they do it its because they don’t care. People aren’t air heads. All it will do is annoy them you even say anything. Plus make it awkward.
Tell the grandparents ALL CHILDREN MUST be treated equal you pick up one you pick up all or none period .
She should be included! He picked you and your daughter! You live together! (Marriage isnt that big a deal anymore most people live together) she is his bonus daughter and should be included…seems selfish shes left out of it all! If the BF wont say something maybe reverse the table and do just you and daughter saturday…I know its mean but she deserves to be spoiled also…
And then some big family freebie Sunday Park BBQ at the park…
Mention younger siblings can’t go this time because 12 yo will be alone, but let’s plan a time when everyone can go. They may assume she’s got other plans.
Honestly it’s your bfs place to say something. And he needs to make it clear that all of the kids are to be treated equally. My ex husband and I have 2 kids together and my youngest is not biologically his but his bio dads not involved. My ex husband stepped up and looks at my son as his bonus son. His wife and him was together and she was completely on board with it. My point being even his wife’s family treats her kids and all 3 of mine the same. They adore my youngest just as much as the rest.
You guys aren’t married and just moved in together. I don’t think they are obligated to take your child. It would be nice, but not obligated. I’d sit down with them and express your concerns. Maybe they think they shouldn’t take her, who knows.
You can’t make them take her anywhere or care. I’m sorry.
Take your daughter out on the weekends and see if she wants to take a friend with her, if she doesn’t have friends then you and her do things together, just the two of you!! Your bf should have said something a long time ago. Maybe you need to let him go and save money to get a place for you and your daughter!
This is rather childish and petty I hope thier kids never know how it feels to be left out 
Im Going through this with my HUSBAND’S family. I honestly think it’s your bfs job to say something. My husband never will 
Um at this point, I wouldn’t want my child around people who don’t want her around. That’s messed up. Oh and your man should have stepped up
Maybe they aren’t sure if you’re cool with it?? This is a hard thing to bring up. The next time I was around them I would casually bring it up and say something like… hey my daughter noticed you guys all went to the pool (or wherever) the other day and she was really sad because she wanted to come!!
Maybe they aren’t sure how you would feel about it
It’s sad but I’ve seen it happen time and time again for years and years!
I would just try to talk to them about it, they probably are scared to just take her to as she’s not “their family”, could be scared it’d make you mad to just take her with them. One, I’d make sure the kids at the very least start letting at least one of you know where they are going, family or not, that’s dangerous. Two, when they do say her so and so is on the way to go do this, remind them that she probably wants to go with them or ask if they’d care for her to go with them. I wouldn’t make it so much of a conversation, I’d make it more of a first time suggestion if you will.
I wouldn’t take all the kids or the bf I’d honestly just do a couple outing with you’re daughter that’s not fair and that also starts to maybe get in her head that she can’t spend time with just you and then everyone has to come and she may resent both you guys alter on.
I would talk to the boyfriend and have him tell his family, if all the kids are not invited then none are, I can’t believe they would exclude them
Blended family momma here - I let it be known when we have all the kids if 1 is being taken somewhere they ALL go . If not oh well. That’s rude , & disrespectful af.
I would talk to boyfriend and boyfriend needs to grow balls and talk to his family.
My fiancee has 4 children I have none. The older 2 have every other weekend with their mother and the younger two’s mother isnt in the picture. The younger 2 feel left out when there older brother’s get to go away and they dont. But it’s not anyone else’s obligation to take care or include the younger 2 except ours. We make extra time for them. None of our family’s take the children anywhere. But also again if they did it would be all or none or 2 this time and the other 2 the next time. There is no reason why they cant include one more child but even you said it yourself there are 6 of you so I’m assuming 4 kids total. It’s hard and expensive. It sucks that your 12 year old is being left out but again you just moved in together and maybe the family needs more time. Best of luck